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Sometimes he wondered what he’d done to deserve it. He worked hard. He did his best. He risked his life every night for the citizens of this city, and still, these jerk wads harassed him, without fail, day after day.
“Back off. I’m not in the mood.”
“Ooh. Did you hear that? The circus freak isn’t in the mood.”
No, he really wasn’t. It’d been a rough night., He and Bruce had been out on patrol and a simple mugging had gone awry. He still wasn’t sure what had happened. He’d been so sure he could handle it. The two teenagers seemed like simple street thugs looking for an easy hit on the elderly woman. Then, things went south and straight into hell. With a quick signal, their numbers all but tripled, as if they’d been waiting for the opportunity. He had been too cocky, too eager, and not vigilant enough. According to Bruce of course. But he was inclined to agree when the poor elderly woman ended up getting hurt despite his best efforts, making him feel like a failure and ruining both his and Bruce’s moods for the rest of the night.
“Didn’t know we’d have to get penciled in. Give us a time. We could always come back later Grayson, no need to be such a dick.” The second blockhead sneered, taking a shot at his preferred nickname as he shoved him in the shoulder and trying to make him take a couple of steps back. Not that it worked, he knew how to keep his balance centered. And He’d been pushed around harder. A lot harder.
“I’ve seen how good you are in math class, and it makes me worry if you can even tell time. Wouldn’t want to get stood up.” He snarked back.
“You hear that, boys? The charity case got jokes.” “Thinks he’s real funny this one. Got some damn nerve thinking he’s smarter than us, better than us.”
Dick turned to his left, to see one of Gotham Academy’s football stars, built like a tank and with the brain capacity of a brick. Thomas O’ Hara was a constant thorn in his side; he was always sore and touchy when Dick refused to do his homework for him. A football scholarship the only reason he was able to attend at all, and it was in constant danger due to his lacking scholastic discipline. He’d made sure to be the bane of his existence, and was the main reason why Dick had to face this group of idiots every day.
“Glad to hear we can all finally agree on something. Now, if you’d get out of my way, we could finally get to class, and you could work on maybe understanding the lesson.”
Part of the never-ending lecture Bruce had given him on the drive home had been about how he needed to work on assessing the situation. Make smart decisions. Well, smarter decisions. Don’t be so arrogant about his abilities. Know his limitations. Control his mouth. Don’t make things worse. Think three steps ahead. Have an escape plan at all times.
Yeah, great.
That was all well and good to keep in mind when being a vigilante at night, but during the day he was just Dick Grayson. Average high school student, Dick Grayson. He didn’t think he would have to treat school like he had entered some criminal’s lair, but maybe that had been his first naïve mistake. Prestigious or not, he should have known high school was going to be a different kind of battle he had to survive.
Especially when he’d come into it under the circumstances that he had. Orphaned kid, already an outsider because of his upbringing, and too much media attention came with being the first and only ward of the city’s billionaire. He was just too delicious of a meal for insecure assholes like the five in front of him to leave alone. Too many avenues to pick on. Bullies. He hated them. Every single one of them. Not just for what they did to him but to other kids who didn’t have the means he did to defend themselves.
Those kids had been led to believe they’re truly defenseless. He knew he wasn’t but couldn’t act like it due to who he was. Because of who he and Bruce actually were. It made it more aggravating.
Which led back to him having to make smart decisions. Stay out of trouble Bruce had warned him. He couldn’t fly off the handle, couldn’t let loose whenever he needed to. He couldn’t let them see that he, a privileged teenager, could take down all five fools without breaking a sweat. He could only react like someone of his status would react.
For the most part, he did well with it. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t control his mouth.
Really. It was mostly a reflex at this point.
Dick winced as Thomas slammed him against the lockers. Using enough force to actually make it hurt. Hidden bruises from the night before getting the brunt of it. Well, at least they weren’t taking up the whole hallway anymore. Conveniently moved to the side and such.
Fisting his hand in Dick’s collar and lifting him up slightly, Thomas slammed him one more time, making his head bang back against the metal doors and making him accidentally bite his tongue.
“All right freak, that’s crossing a line. You hear me?” He snarled in his face with his putrid breath. Apparently, he was lacking in hygiene education as well. “I refuse to let you believe that you’re better than us in any shape, way, or form. Not you. Not a circus freak who was probably flea ridden and filthy when Bruce Wayne took you in.”
He would never understand why people thought that having grown up in the circus meant that he had to have been a dirty neanderthal. He was positive his circus family was more educated and civilized than any of those who dared to insult them.
He had no response but to glare back. He’d heard this speech from Thomas before. It wasn’t new material.
“You have no right to think you’re on any of our levels here at this school. You’re nothing but a charity case for Bruce Wayne. A media grab of a bored billionaire. Why do you think he’s never officially adopted you? Probably doesn’t want any official ties to filth like you. Once you no longer serve his purpose of making him look like a bleeding heart, once the media forgets about you, he’ll throw you out like the garbage you are...”
It would have been a low blow if he’d cared about it. Maybe in the beginning he’d wondered, when he was nine and freshly traumatized. When he’d just lost the two most important people in his life and at such a tender age, he’d felt lost and hopeless. Maybe in the beginning he’d felt insecure about whether or not his new home was conditional. As he grew older, and as he understood Bruce more, he’d decided that his fears were just fears and not reality. He’d come to realize he wasn’t sure he wanted to be officially adopted either.
“...filth that was probably born in elephant dung by your ape of a mother.”
“What…”
He hadn’t really gone there had he? Had the literal neanderthal in front of him gone there? He’d never been so bold and infinitesimally stupid before to have insult his mother. His mama. His angel who had been taken from his world far too soon.
He felt himself shaking, felt his eyes grow cold, and could feel the growl rip from his throat. “...What did you just say?!”
Thomas slammed him once more, making his teeth rattle, and looking satisfied he’d finally touched a nerve. Probably wondering why he hadn’t gone with this angle before. The jeers and laughter of his idiot friends only helping to inflate his ego and sense of victory.
Dick would educate him on why it’d been a horrible choice.
But no, he’d promised Bruce. To be smarter. To make good decisions. So he took a deep breath and tried to stop seeing red.
“ I said your momma was a filthy ape who gave birth to a filthy little monkey, and we’re all better off that she died before she could make any more of your kind.”
Good decisions. Smarter decisions.
Screw it.
With a shout of rage, he pushed his back against the lockers for leverage, jumped up and did a double front kick straight into Thomas’ stomach, knocking him back and making him release his grip on his collar.
“Hey, hey, hey!” someone shouted in surprise.
“Ooh, someone is getting spicy.” Someone else said amidst the jeers and catcalls of the others who were itching for a fight. Itching for the chance to see some bloodshed. They fully expected Dick to be the one getting hurt. They couldn’t wait for their chance to finally jump in.
Dick barely heard any of it. He only saw red.
Thomas had the gall to laugh. “You even fight like a monkey.” He commented.
Before Dick landed on him. Before he got the first punch that satisfyingly broke his nose. Before he struggled to get Dick off of him.
Before Dick found he couldn’t stop, and red was the only thing he could see.
Later, he found himself hanging his head down in the principal’s office. Thomas had been carted off to the hospital in an ambulance. In his opinion, it hadn’t been necessary, but it was a perk for someone who was the nephew of the police chief he supposed. The four other boys had been treated in the nurse’s office. They had only received one or two punches each as they tried to haul Dick off, and therefore, didn’t need as much attention aside from the cooing and fussing from the nurses.
Dick was being seen as the bad guy this time.
“Mr. Grayson.”
He lifted his head to meet the principal’s eyes and he was surprised to see a hint of sympathy in them. “I have to say, Mr. Grayson, I’m very surprised to have you in my office this afternoon, and even more shocked to hear the reason why.”
“Am I going to be expelled?” He asked.
“Given the fact you’ve been an exemplary student up until this point, I don’t think we need to resort to such drastic resolutions just yet. I think a one week suspension should suffice.”
Translation: “We need you for the mathletes team.”
“Thank you, sir.” He mumbled.
The principal nodded and cleared his throat. “Also, some witnesses came to your defense and told me what led to your violent outburst.”
Respect and etiquette drilled into him by Alfred made him allow himself to act abashed, but after a beat, he found himself returning the older man’s gaze. He wasn’t ashamed, but he also didn’t want misplaced pity. “I couldn’t …”
“Mr. O’hara is also suspended. We don’t tolerate bullying of any kind in this school. And in the future, I’d like you to speak up before things escalate to this level. If it were to repeat itself, I fear I wouldn’t find myself as benevolent or understanding. No matter what was said.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Now then, Mr. Wayne said he’d be here as soon as possible…”
Dick didn’t bother to hide his wince this time. He really wasn’t looking forward to the ride home.
“...and Detective Gordon will be here soon too, I was informed.”
“Detective Gordon?!”
“On orders by the Chief, I’m sure. Thomas is his nephew.”
“Oh, right.”
Hearing that made him absolutely sure that Bruce was going to kill him. Smarter decisions. Right.
As if on cue, the secretary’s voice came through the phone’s intercom announcing, “Mr. Wayne and Detective Gordon have arrived, sir.”
“Send them in please.”
Bruce walked in shortly after, looking crisp, pristine and like the billionaire he was. He greeted the principal respectfully and turned hard eyes to his ward. Dick found himself meeting his gaze but trying to not swallow too hard.
The principal cleared his throat, and after both older men had a seat, he went into full details of all the was told had transpired. They had Dick fill in the pieces they didn’t know, and allowed him to share his side of things.
The entire time, he found Bruce staring at him, watching his every move. Reading him. He was sure he could read between the lines that the others could not, but it didn’t make him feel better.
When the story reached its conclusion, the principal relayed the status of all five students and their punishments. The other four were not getting suspended, but were going to have to attend detention for the next two weeks and their families were going to be informed.
Feeling it was his turn to talk, Bruce cleared his own throat. “Principal McIntyre, I’m truly sorry this all happened and assure you that I’ll be having a discussion with Dick about controlling his temper.”
“Dick is a good kid, I’m sure it’ll remain an isolated incident.” Detective Gordon added as he gave Dick a pointed look. “And I’ll be sure to inform Chief O’hara it was all handled appropriately.”
That said, the three of them thanked the principal and left the school. Dick found himself trying to not look too self-satisfied and knew he’d probably be facing more punishment at home.
“Dick, wait for me in the car, Detective Gordon wanted to have a word with me.” Bruce stated once they reached the bottom of the steps.
Nodding and heading his way to the car, he didn’t expect to see Barbara standing outside her father’s car. Hands folded and leaning back with a smirk on her face. “Never thought I’d see the day Dick Grayson would get in trouble at school.” She offered as a greeting. But what she really meant was she was surprised the boy wonder had it in him. He could be such a golden boy sometimes.
“Hey. What are you doing here?” He asked.
“I went to see my dad after school at the precinct, when he got the order to come deal with the violent Grayson kid.” She teased. “So, of course, I had to tag along.”
Oh. Right. He’d lost track of time and hadn’t realized he’d been kept in the office way after school was over.
“Yeah, well. The fun and games are over. Really not looking forward to the ride home.” He answered while giving a glance back at his father figure and her actual father.
The redhead winced in sympathy and rubbed his shoulder a bit. Suddenly serious. She knew this outburst wasn’t like him at all, and it would have taken a lot to get him to that point. It was the real reason she’d insisted to her father that he’d let her come. She wanted to see him and make sure he was okay or be there for him if he wasn’t. “Are you okay?” She asked softly. The first one to do so.
He couldn’t help but snort at that. “Yeah? No. …not really.”
He wasn’t mad he defended his mother’s honor. He wasn’t even mad that he broke the jerk’s nose. He was mad that he’d proven Bruce right. He still had a long way to go. He’d failed. He’d probably, most likely, disappointed him. He had chosen violence instead of looking for a different solution.
He still had to learn how to make smarter decisions.
Barbara gave him a small smile. “At least you’re honest, come here.” She instructed as she pulled him to sit on the curb with her. Gordon and Bruce still seemed to be in a deep discussion, and they had the time. “Now, tell me. What happened?”
And for the third time that day, he found himself telling the story. But with her, he was able to delve into his actual feelings and how much it’d hurt. His frustrations with it. She was a field member now, she understood. He found himself leaning against her slightly when she’d begun rubbing his back in slow circles at the points where she could feel he’d get the most upset. He liked the contact, needed it. Especially when he realized he was more upset than he’d taken the time to acknowledge.
“Oh, Dick. I’m so sorry.” She said when he was done talking. She was still rubbing his back. “If it helps, that was a low blow and I doubt even Bruce would find it easy to turn the other cheek.”
He huffed a sigh of defeat. “Maybe, but I’m sure he would’ve still managed.”
“Mm. I don’t know. He gets pretty sensitive over the topic of his parents. I’ve seen him in interviews. He does a good job of remaining cordial, but his eyes always flash in a way I know would usually mean a world of hurt while out on patrol.”
He had no verbal response to that, but it made him smile. He’d seen that look, too.
“Cheer up, boy wonder. We may put on masks and capes, but at the end of the day, we’re only human. We’re bound to make mistakes every once in a while. All we can do is learn from them.”
He bumped his shoulder against hers and smiled yet again. “I guess you’re right. …thanks.”
“You guess? Of course, I’m right! I’m never wrong!”
“You just said we’re only human…”
“I misspoke. Clearly, I’m practically a cyborg with how I understand binary code and speak to computers. I don’t make mistakes.”
He laughed. He could always count on her to make him feel better.
“Time to go.” Bruce’s deep voice suddenly interrupted.
He found himself jumping slightly and watched the older man give a raised eyebrow in return.
Strike two. Clearly, he hadn’t been fully aware of his surroundings.
Although, to be fair, Bruce could sneak up on anyone or anything. It had to be a secret superpower.
Barbara reached out to hug him. “Talk to you later once you’re off punishment.” She chirped, but then leaned in to whisper into his ear. “And for the record, I’d have broken more than just his nose.”
Finding himself smiling yet again, he waved goodbye to both Gordons and entered the car, where Bruce was semi-patiently waiting.
The drive home was tense and silent. Neither of them made the first move to say anything. He wished Bruce would just rip off the band-aid. Or maybe he should. But he was just as content to sit and watch the scenery go by.
“Dick –”
“I know.” He stated immediately without turning to look at him.
“I – “
“I know I messed up…I’m sorry, okay? I’ll do better next time. Be better.”
There was a beat of silence as Bruce seemed to be contemplating something or trying to assess the best way to approach. He never was too good with these heart to hearts. Dick often thought of him as being emotionally constipated. He knew the man cared, but he had such a hard time speaking his mind about how he felt and how he approached others. He was good at yelling if he was angry enough. For some reason, Dick couldn’t find that kind of energy rolling off of him this time, and it was confusing him even more.
“I don’t –”
“Bruce, I don’t know what you want me to say, okay? I lost it. I snapped. I forgot all your teachings in a moment. I didn’t expect it to affect me as much as it did. I think between last night and today, it was just too much. I’m tired. I already said I know I screwed up; can we just drop it? Please? I’ll take whatever punishment you want to give me. I already expect you to not let me patrol for like a month.”
With that, he turned to look outside again.
There was another beat of silence.
“Are you going to let me speak?” Bruce finally asked.
He fought the urge to roll his eyes. He couldn’t drop it. He'd have to lecture. “Go ahead.” He acquiesced. They might as well get it over with went unsaid.
“I don’t blame you.” The older man started off, and continued to stare straight when Dick’s head whipped around so fast, he was surprised it hadn’t flown off from the force of it. “I don’t blame you for getting angry.” He elaborated. “I wish you had handled it differently.”
Of course.
“In school you are Dick Grayson, the student, and it isn’t odd for male students to get into fights.”
“But –“
“Students don’t fight like vigilantes,” Bruce continued. “It wouldn’t be too far-fetched for a billionaire’s ward to have taken self- defense classes.”
Dick found himself blinking in shock. Was Bruce really not as angry as he’d expected? “I thought you didn’t want me fighting back?”
“I’ve never asked you to be defenseless, Dick.” He added, turning briefly to meet his shocked gaze directly. “Only to make smart decisions. Punches can be pulled back. And you’re skilled enough to evade fluidly without making it look like you are. I believe I asked you to not lose control and make it evident you had more training than would be average, but perhaps that was my fault for not explaining it that way.”
There it was again. Smarter decisions. He still had so much to learn, and he’d even gotten the closest thing to an apology as he’d ever gotten from the older man.
“So, you’re really not angry?” he found himself daring to ask.
“We’ll be going over some drills.” He said as his way of answering.
Okay, so a little angry. Dick could handle that. It could have been so much worse.
“Understood.”
“And Dick?”
“Yeah, Bruce?”
“I’d have hit him harder.”