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It's a really nice day out, and Sam is excited for his run. He's always happy to go running, but today he didn't get a text from Steve asking if he could tag along. Because Steve seems to think lapping Sam five million times is "tagging along". The asshole thinks it's funny. Still! Sam doesn't even know how long it's been going on now and the asshole continues to get a kick out of some dumb (overplayed) joke.
He does however get a call from Steve just as he's beginning to pick up the pace.
"Wilson."
"Sam! Listen, I get it. You're right."
He stops running, not liking where this is going at all. Steve doesn't sound like he thinks Sam was right. Also Sam doesn't have any idea what he's talking about.
"I am too old to be running laps. Time to retire from our runs."
"Ooookaaay."
Definitely doesn't sound like he thinks Sam is right. And there's no reason he should, the old man jokes are just that; jokes. And besides, Natasha started it. But again Steve really doesn't sound like he's serious, which is absolutely terrifying.
"Sorry I can't run with you anymore. I know that running is like the whole thing, but like you said - too old."
"Yeah, okay..."
"Better get back to it, Wilson!" And with that Steve ends the call.
Something terrible is going to happen to Sam when he gets back to HQ, he just knows it. But he shakes it off and starts back running. He'll deal with it later. Right now, it's a beautiful day. The sun is shining, there are people strolling, kids playing, birds chirping, couples holding hands, someone playing a guitar, a man on a Rascal, squirrels dashing across the path, a man on a Rascal following him, a man on a Rascal raising a megaphone to his lips, a man on a Rascal shouting into the megaphone scaring Sam half to death.
"ON YOUR LEFT!"
"Shit!"
"LET'S GO SAM WILSON! YOU GOT THIS! LOOK AT THOSE CALVES! THOSE ARE RUNNER'S CALVES! YOU'RE THE GREATEST RUNNER I'VE EVER SEEN!"
"Jesus fucking Christ, Rogers. What the hell are you doing?"
"I'M TOO OLD TO RUN NOW. I HAVE TO SUPPORT MY FRIEND SOME OTHER WAY. I'VE FIXED THE PROBLEM. LEEEEET'S GO WIIIIILSON, LET'S GO!"
"No. You need to fuck off right now!"
"I'M HELPING. WAIT, READY? I LEARNED SOME OF THE SONGS YOU GAVE ME FOR MY WORKOUT PLAYLIST. ~RISIN' UP, BACK ON THE STREET! DID MY TIME, TOOK MY CHANCES! WENT THE DISTANCE NOW I'M BACK ON MY FEET! JUST A MAN AND HIS WILL TO SURVIVE!~"
Sam groans and picks up the pace. Steve matches him.
"NO EYE OF THE TIGER? WHAT ABOUT ~IT'S THE FINAL COUNT DOOOWWWNN~"
The thing is maxed out on speed, he's been around enough angry vets ready to chase him down to know exactly how fast they can go. Luckily Sam is not, and can go much faster. So he does. All the while regretting getting swept up in the fun of teasing the asshole. He should know, he does know, that whatever he can dole out, Steve can throw it back 10 fold. And he's not scary enough like Natasha to not get it thrown back at him.
"HEY! WHERE YOU GOIN? DON'T WORRY. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE A LITTLE EXTRA PUSH TODAY SO I HAD STARK MAKE SOME ADJUSTMENTS!"
"You've gotta be kidding me!"
Sam hears something rev and then Steve yelping "OH SHit!", only half caught and amplified by the megaphone before it fell out of his hands as he zoomed past Sam, obviously much faster than Steve was anticipating. The Rascal comes to an abrupt halt several yards in front of Sam, flinging Steve over the handlebars another couple of yards. People nearby stop with horrified looks on their faces, two of them rushing over to check on the fallen man.
Not Sam though. Sam is doubled over laughing, barely able to stay on his feet. Steve gets up quickly like the super-soldier champ that he is and lays on the charm to convince the small group of people that had descended down upon to him that he is actually okay, no really, it's fine, thanks so much for checking, have a great afternoon it's such a nice day out, thanks, I'm fine, thank you.
He starts walking back towards Sam with his head ducked in embarrassment, grabbing the Rascal as he walks by. By the time he reaches him, Sam has composed himself enough to be able to breathe.
"Okay, yeah. Laugh it up. Go ahead, get it all out."
"Dude, you FLEW out of that thing."
"Hilarious."
"Hey, that's what you get for using a bad word."
"When are you all going to let that go?!"
Sam claps him on the back, still laughing and only kind of breathing. He's done running for the day.
***
Later that night Sam is delighted to find out that Natasha had been there the whole time, at the request of Steve himself to capture Sam's reaction forever on video. Instead they got Sam's reaction, Steve being blasted forward at the push of a button, the camera going shaky and the sound of Natasha bursting into laughter and yelling "Language!" across the park. Steve ends up paying a hefty price to not have the video uploaded online even though both Sam and Natasha know it would be an instant hit as a prank gone horribly wrong.