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"Can't sleep?" Sam asks. Dean startles for a second before he relaxes back against the kitchen table, his hands hugging his mug a little tighter.
"Yeah, I… Cass dozed off."
Sam furrows his brow and fills a mug with coffee. "The ritual was draining for all of us," he says.
"He wasn't supposed to lose his grace," Dean says and grimaces.
"He hasn't. It's probably just a little low."
"He ate."
"And he enjoyed it. And it's only been a week. Don't work yourself up over it."
Dean huffs a mirthless laugh and takes another sip.
"How was the pirate show?" Sam deflects from the futile conversation. He doesn't know that he's poking a hornets' nest with that question.
You defile beautiful things.
That's what someone said to the main character. Castiel was an Angel of the Lord when they first met, and now…?
Dean had looked at Castiel lying next to him, the laptop sitting between them. Dean wanted to ask him if he was worth all the losses, if Castiel still saw him like he did right before the Empty took him. He was too afraid to, in the end.
Dean nods at Sam. "Great. Awesome cast," he murmurs. It is a great show. He wasn't aware that it would be so queer, though. Castiel enjoyed it. It figures. He seems to be pretty content with himself. Dean wishes he were, too. But he just saw two middle-aged dudes kissing each other for the first time, tentatively and beautiful. Maybe there isn't an expiration date for taking this step.
Did Castiel think about how it would be to kiss him at that moment? The way Dean imagined it?
"Cass liked it."
"Thought so," Sam says, looking at Dean with puppy eyes and a gentle smile playing on his lips. "I thought it might give you two… food for conversation."
Dean arches an eyebrow. "Thanks, Sammy. We…" he trails off. "I am the problem. Cass, he's… at least he was… in love with me."
Sam nods. "I had an inkling." He runs his finger over the rim of his mug, ducking his head a little. "What about you?"
Dean works his jaw. He wishes he'd chosen something stronger than coffee.
"Sam, I… I don't know how long I've been in love with him. I suppressed it right from the start."
"Why? Did you think anyone would've had a problem with it?"
Dean shrugs. "Why come out when you can't have what you want?" He huffs a mirthless laugh. "Ironically, Cass thought the same. I… I don't know, man. I'm so used to being his friend. How does one...? I'm…"
Scared. That's what he is. But he can't confess that out loud.
"You two'll figure it out," Sam says. Dean's lips curl up despite himself.
—
"Hey, sweetheart," he says when Castiel looks up from where he's lying in Dean's bed. Dean still hears the voices of doubt whispering in his ear. But he's sick of listening to them any longer.