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You hadn’t thought this through. You really hadn’t thought this through.
You regretted agreeing to the whole plan the moment the rickety boat left the lakeside. Truth be told, it felt silly to stop for something like this; after everything you had seen in the past years, a lake, of all things, felt like a very, very silly fear. Just a remnant of your childhood you hadn’t got over yet, nothing to actually worry about.
But the real panic set in the moment the compass hand started spinning.
You got on that boat because in the moment it felt like the brave (though maybe not smart) thing to do. It felt right. In retrospect you should have really stayed on that shore with the kids, you realized that now. You were just really hoping the portal would simply be on the other side of the water. You weren’t so lucky.
Of course it was smack in the middle of this stupid lake, that’s where the last attack had been. In retrospect it was so obvious. In retrospect.
Your hands instinctively moved to grab the sides of the boat, palms suddenly feeling damp and clammy, as Robin and Eddie halted their paddling.
The cramped space buzzed with new energy as fast conversations began and as Robin radioed Dustin to deliver him the good news. This also meant nobody was paying much attention to your momentary surge of panic - which wasn’t the worst, as you were suddenly feeling very self-conscious.
You tried to use the sound of the static to ground you, but as you glanced around your eyes were met with a scene you did not like: Steve, in his corner of the boat, hurriedly taking his shoes off.
Oh, absolutely not. That couldn’t be good. Your grip on the sides of the boat strengthened, knuckles turning white.
“Guys“ your tone was short of a whimper, unable to break through all the voices and the loud crackling of the radio. Okay, deep breaths. Eddie was seemingly the only one to have noticed your attempt at speaking up, shooting you a confused glance.
“GUYS “ the panic raised your voice more than what you originally meant, resulting in a number of concerned looks; “I realize I should have mentioned this before- I do, but I’m… really scared of water.”
Robin’s eyebrows shot up. “Uhh, what do you mean?”
“Like, hm, deep, dark waters? You know, the sea, lakes and stuff.” You cringed internally, now that felt stupid to say out loud, even if it was the truth. “I just… forgot to mention it.”
Steve fully turned towards you, bewildered. "You forgot?!”
Nancy spoke, trying her best to mask the hint of annoyance in her concern. "Why didn’t you just stay back?!” you shook your head, unable to really respond as, truthfully, you weren’t sure yourself.
“But you know how to swim, right?” you nodded to that.
“Soo you’re telling me you are more scared of a pool of water than the literal portal to hell that’s under us.” you were usually fond of Robin’s witty remarks, but you really weren’t in the mood now.
“Might be under us, we don’t know yet.” Eddie pointed out.
You tried to open your mouth to say that yes, you did in fact fear the stupid lake more than the god forsaken portal, but Steve beat you to the punch: “OKAY everybody calm down, somebody gotta go down there and check this thing out- but I’ll do it. You are all gonna stay riiight here, and wait for me.” he was already barefoot and half-way out of his yellow shirt as he was speaking “Alright? Nobody move.”
He turned back to the group, a slight smile tugging at one corner of his mouth “Unless one of you can top being a Hawkins high swim co-captain and a certified lifeguard for three years”, damn show-off, “then…its gotta be me. No complaints, right?”
“Hey, I’m not complaining, I do not wanna go in there.” Eddie said with a nervous laugh as he started taking out a plastic bag from his jacket and shaking the contents on the moldy wood floor. He wrapped a flashlight in the bag to the best of his abilities and handed it to Steve, silently wishing him good luck.
You looked at him in the cold light of the moon as he attempted to light a cigarette.
If it weren’t for the fact that you felt very close to throwing up you might have asked for one yourself, cause damn if there was ever a moment where you felt like smoking it was this one, but Robin unceremoniously grabbed it from his hands and threw it in the lake, faster than you could finish your own thought.
And then Steve just jumped.
The boat rocked harshly for a couple of seconds before coming to a stop. The entire group fell into an almost contemplative silence as Nancy monitored the small watch on her wrist.
You attempted to ignore the feeling of the fabric of your shirt sticking onto your damp skin, instead opting to look at your surroundings.
In different circumstances you would have thought of Lovers Lake as beautiful - hell, with the right guy at your side even romantic (it was called lovers lake for a reason, and it wasn’t only for its popularity as a hook-up spot). You were also sure that the night sky reflecting in the mirror of water and the sound of the few nocturnal birds would have felt soothing on every other night, but at the moment it was having the opposite effect, every sound making you jump slightly.
If only you hadn’t been so busy trying to calm yourself down you might have noticed the way Eddie was eyeing you, eyebrows still knotted in a concerned expression.
You also missed his attempt at moving towards your direction - a mission he immediately aborted after noticing how the slightest of his movement would have made the boat rock even more.
Steve suddenly broke out the water surface, small waves making their way around him. The unexpected noise was startling but you also finally started breathing again; it had been just over a minute but god had it felt more like 10.
He was fine, everything was fine.
Robin didn’t lose a second. “You found it?”
“I found it, yeah- yeah I found it” panted Steve, still in the midst of catching his breath, trying to close the distance between him and the boat.
As Robin tried once again to radio Dustin you noticed something, just out of the corner of your eye… a ripple in the water. You shook your head, trying to take more air in, this whole thing was really freaking you out.
Steve’s arms came to rest on the side of the boat, his hair sticking to his face, as he began to explain in his own interesting way “...it's more a snack size gate than the mama gate, but still- it’s pretty damn big.”
He wasn’t able to finish his explanation when, without warning, the water moved fast, and the boat with it, as Steve got yanked down deep below the surface by… something.
Yeah, nothing was fine.
It was fast, so fast that the immediate reaction was just to scream his name, your hands still clutching for dear life the sides of the damn boat.
“What the hell was that man?!” Eddie‘s yelling added to the chorus of screams of the group.
The following chain of events went by so fast you couldn’t even begin to react, frozen in your little corner.
Nancy was on her feet now, as Eddie moved forward. “You are not going in there, are you?”
“Just- wait here.” and she jumped.
Robin neared the side of the boat and, oh, you didn’t like where this was going one bit.
Eddie tried to stop her too, with not much support from you, but Robin jumped backwards, following Nancy with a prowess you really did not expect.
The only thing that could escape your mouth was a chain of semi-whispered “Oh my god.”
Eddie did not hold back in the same way. “GODDAMMIT! Son of a -“, the boat rocked violently as he moved “Oh this is so stupid. This is so stupid. Shit! shit! SHIT.”
His head spun towards you, eyes also wild with panic. You could easily imagine what was coming next.
You shook your head, unable to even begin to think of what to say in the moment, one step away from hysterical “No no no no, I can’t do it man” you looked at him, your eyes pleading “I’m telling you I can’t do it.”
You squeezed your eyes shut for a moment. Okay, deep breaths, more deep breaths.
He called your name a few times but it was too late, you were so out of it you completely missed it.
That is, until he moved right in the middle of your field of vision, hands coming to delicately hold your face. You usually wouldn’t have reacted kindly to someone touching you in the midst of a panic attack, but maybe, just for this once, it was okay.
He began: “Listen- okay this is stupid, this is really stupid,” he turned to the water in an attempt at directing his anger towards someone that was now long gone, “THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPID” his eyes were on you again “but we need to go okay? You can do it- we can do it, right?”
The last word was shaky and you wondered who exactly he was trying to convince: if you or himself.
Your breath faltered as he kept looking at you, sweet eyes you would have loved looking into on any other day. You weren’t stupid, much too aware of the gravity of your circumstance, but the fear felt paralyzing, holding you back like never before.
You whispered again “I can’t.”
It was a mortifying admission, the fact that your friends being in real, possibly deathly danger, was still not enough of a motivation for you to jump into a stupid pool of water. But it was the truth.
But he didn’t seem surprised at your response. He just slowly nodded, seemingly already resigned.
Though you didn’t know why, the reaction felt weirdly hurtful.
“I guess I’ll go.” he shot you the most unconvincing smile you’ve ever seen, assumingly in an attempt to soothe you, and your stomach dipped one last time.
“No- wait” he met your eyes. This was going to be how you died, you were sure of it. “I’m coming. I just need a moment.”
He made a weird strangled sound “Right. ‘S not that i wanna rush you but we are in the middle of a situation here."
“I’ll make it quick” you took one last deep breath and, fighting literally every instinct in your body telling you to do the opposite, you moved. You just had to suck it up and do it; or at least that was what you wanted to do. The boat dipped and swayed, making even the simple attempt at getting up from your sitting position a new kind of terrifying experience.
“Can you hold my hand?” you suddenly blurted out. It was a spontaneous question, one that you would have never made unless panic-stricken (or maybe slightly drunk). It was also one you immediately regretted uttering.
His eyes widened for a split second as he simply blinked at you. It was just a momentary hesitation though, as he complied without uttering a word, taking your hand in his. The cold metal of his rings coming into contact with your skin helped you ground yourself again.
He helped you move towards the edge, one hand on your waist and one holding your hand, even if he himself was already concentrating on not losing his footing.
You gulped, pressing your lips together. It was hard to not fixate on the cold, churning water in front of you.
“Hey… look at me.” Eddie gently squeezed your hand. And there was something in his eyes, a glimmer, it was a quick, easy to miss moment but it seemed to fill you with bravery all the same.
“Let’s count to five.” he said and you nodded feverishly, every moment standing still increasing the dread growing in your stomach.
“1… 2… 3!” and he unexpectedly lunged forward, falling in the water and dragging you down the dark depths with him.
---
It was on the walk towards Nancy’s house in the middle of the upside down when you finally had a moment to really talk to him again.
You both naturally fell behind the others, you recovering from the stress of actually jumping in that stupid lake and Eddie… well, recovering from the stress of actually being in the upside down. His reason was definitely the most logical one.
You cleared your throat, breaking the silence: “Thank you by the way.”
“For what?” his eyes were fixed on the ground, careful as not to step on any vine.
“For pushing me in the lake.”
“That’s such a weird thing to be thankful for, you know that.” he said, giving you a lopsided grin.
“No, I mean it! seriously- I don’t think I would have ever jumped if it wasn’t for you.”
“Well, now that- I also would never have done it. Jumping in I mean… not under any uh… normal circumstances.” his tone was casual but his eyes kept darting around your surroundings. You didn’t blame him one bit, as every little noise was making you flinch.
“Nope!” he exaggerated the p in a weird way that made you unintentionally smile, “Outside of DnD i am nooo hero. I see danger and i just… turn heel and run, or- at least that’s what i learned about myself this week.”
“I think you are selling yourself short” he turned his head to you, clearly unconvinced by you statement, but you continued “I mean, fuck- you are having what’s probably the worst week of your life- of anyone's life really. I think you’re handling as well as anyone could honestly.”
He went quiet for a moment “You seem to be doing better than me.”
“Me? The idiot too scared to jump in a puddle to save his friends? Yeah, real hero behavior right here.” he let out a hearty laugh, shaking his head as he unintentionally leaned towards you.
“Seriously dude, you are doing just fine. That’s probably the most normal of reactions.”
He snorted loudly “First time someone has ever called me normal.”
“Well now don’t get cocky, that’s probably the only normal thing about you.” he turned to you, putting his hand on his chest in the most dramatic way he could muster, faking hurt.
You fell into silence again, though this time it was a comfortable one (well, as comfortable as you could be in the upside down). You took in your surroundings again, trying to not breathe in too much of the weird spore-like midst that was perpetually drifting through the air. It felt so much colder than the last time you had been here, probably because you were still soaked from the swim to the portal.
“How is it we have never hanged out before?”
The question snapped you out of your thoughts so fast you almost stumbled. Good fucking question.
“Uh… i think i was too much of a loser even for your crowd.”
He faked a shocked gasp. “Impossible.”
“No joke. My high school strategy was just lowering my head and keeping as low of a profile as I possibly could… I mean, it worked. In a way.”
He grimaced at that, swaying slightly from side to side. “Doesn’t seem like much fun.”
You snorted “It wasn’t. It’s fine now that I’m out of it,” you glanced down at your shoes, deep in thought “but I remember you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, hard not to notice you,” you joked, “ I wanted to join the club once. I mean- I thought about it. Wayyy too anxious to actually do it.”
Eddie halted his step “Wait- no way, you play DnD?”
“Ah, no!” he deflated a bit at your answer before you quickly added “But I really wanted to learn. You know…that’s why I wanted to join in the first place.”
He rubbed the nape of his neck, looking at you half expectantly half uncertain “...you still want to?”
“Are you offering Munson?” you wanted your tone to come out as teasing but the proposition felt so exciting you couldn’t actually mask it.
“Yeah. When we are out of this shit hole.”
You couldn’t help but smile at the thought. “Yeah. When we are out of here.”
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