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It started as an idle tickle in his chest one day. While he and Dhurke were huddled up in a crumbly old building, and Datz was rockin' AJ to sleep- Dhurke was brushing through his son's hair, careful as anything. He always gets such a look on his face, when he does that. Datz coughed it away, that itch in his chest, and that was that- told his friend that the dust from this ol' hideout must be gettin' to him. They oughta move, soon. Dhurke nodded, and they did. (Had to be careful about that, for a myriad of reasons- but huddling in a place with dirty air would be bad for the kiddos.)
Turns out when you're on the run, forced to squat in rubble 'n ruins, everywhere is just a bit too dusty to stay in for long. Datz took to using his scarf as a filter to breathe through, waving away Dhurke's concern as he rested a palm on his forehead- Don't want the boys catching anything, Dhurke'd justify himself. Datz grinned, but that was a good point. He'd feel terrible if he caused 'em any harm- it'd feel like gettin' his own kids sick. (Not that Datz has any kids to speak of.) Whether it be allergies or disease, though, he and Dhurke knew they had to make it out to the wilds before they could really settle down.
Ha. But isn't that funny? He swore it'd clear up once they had blue skies 'n clean air, but his cough only got worse once Dhurke said "we're home."
It started to really concern him, then, Datz recalls. That tickle grew to a flutter, or maybe he was just gettin' real freaked out- it'd scare anyone to pull back from a coughing fit, only to see little bits of plant in his scarf. He didn't recall eatin' any flowers, recently, and certainly not ones like these. Dhurke gave him a look from where he sat, just a few inches away- (Datz had been resting against him, run ragged after a day babysitting-) but again, Datz just waved it off. He didn't feel sick.
Seemed to flare up whenever Dhurke tried to help him, in fact. It felt scarily big, a feather-gentle tightness in his chest, something worth hiding. Surely feeling anything that strong couldn't be good. How long had it been happening, by that point? A year or two at the least, since AJ was walking and talking properly. Time got kinda sloppy in the mountains, so Datz can only guess- he knows it hadn't been so bad, except for when he really got sick, the once. Food poisoning, probably, and Dhurke was so worried and so sweet about it, insisting he stay in bed, checking in on him-
Datz tried, for his sake, to wait 'til he was out of earshot to hack up a lung. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, he doubled over, it burned. (Mostly, Datz was just annoyed.) That nervous rush running through his body, was that the damn flowers, or just from Dhurke bein' so damn loving, (or anxiety, since he'd learned to expect a coughing fit if Dhurke smiled at him the right way?) He couldn't tell. All he knew, though, is Dhurke would stop if he ever caught on. No more absent touches, or little cuddles… if Dhurke let him stay, at all. It's only been a few years, but Dhurke's already let it slip that he fears he ruined Datz's life, dragged him down with him-
Datz won't risk it, gettin' pushed away for his own safety. So, he learns real well how to hold back a cough. Doesn't feel particularly good, that's for sure, but it's worth it. More than worth it. Dhurke rubs little circles against his back as they lay together in the evening, dinner finished, and Datz knows it's worth it. He'd do anything to stay in this man's life.
Dhurke gets an idea, after a few months of hearing news from the capitol. It's crazy over there- the legal system torn to shreds, and Dhurke has a fire (a passion) in his eyes that Datz likes to see. This can't stand, he says, and Datz agrees readily. The people of Khura'in are getting crushed underfoot, and Dhurke says he's gonna fight against it. He asks, with less confidence, for Datz to stand alongside him. That through the years there hasn't been anyone more reliable, more of a lifesaver than him, no one Dhurke would want more to stand by his side,
It's, a real emotion, alright, to pledge your life to someone without a moment's hesitation. (And he knows it's his life, that it's nothing safe- Dhurke's a traitor, in the eyes of the law. But then, Datz already pledged that, didn't he? When he helped Dhurke escape…) His life and Dhurke's were twisted together at that point. Heh, kinda like marriage.
AJ and Yuty, the well-meaning brats, wake Dhurke up- "Uncle Datz is sick," they'd say, not that Datz could hear 'em. He heaves out in the yard, the normal feeling of spew replaced with a weird goddamn feeling of petals tickling his throat. Curled up in the soft grasses, he catches his breath-
Oh. Hi, Dhurke, he smiles through blurry eyes. Don't mind the flowers. (He'd let his friend think he had some kinda, compulsory flower-eating habit, if that's what it took to keep things how they were.) Dhurke didn't look so amused, but, hey. It wasn't all misery! In fact, Datz would say if anyone asked, that it was the happiest time of his life.
(Followed by, possibly, the worst. Datz still feels shame to think of it- for if he really loved Dhurke so much, he ought to be happy that he found his wife, right? Too much happened all at once. A kid lost, a kid gained, lovebirds kissing and giggling in the corner-. Datz really felt like a sick dog, then, purging his feelings in the backyard while his friend was the happiest he's been in years.)
Despite that, though, despite years and years of tiny, five-pointed flowers, and paper-thin lies, and happy times, and sad times- it was only when Datz damn near got himself shot during a mission, coughing like a fool, that Dhurke finally did the unthinkable, (didn't let Datz get away with mere handwaves.) The revolution had grown by that point. Medical care was far more accessible now than in the mountains, as if that's sayin' much.
He still remembers the look on the medic's face, an odd mix of skepticism and pity, as she asked how long has this been happening, exactly? Datz gave his estimate, and she flinched. He can guess time a lot better these days, 'cause it's as old as Dhurke's criminal record- three years younger than Yuty! Har har, oh, she's not laughing. And that expression wasn't so arcane, after all- it was sympathy. See, she starts, there's this old legend, from centuries back in Khura'inese mythos…
That those with too much love in their hearts must expel it somehow. The body will find a way, with or without the owner's consent- so, flowers. It's a cute enough story to give to a kid… like an advanced form o' cooties. Not dust, not allergies, not.. whatever harebrained excuse Datz came up with in the moment- just, love.
Unrequited.
Haaa. That's what the sympathy was for. (Oh, but she helpfully supplies- in the myth it's said the other person must reciprocate, else the victim would die. But that part is myth!) Good to know. No, really! Datz, ever the optimist, can find a way to smile- he's really proud o' his instincts. If Dhurke knew this was the case… then he's sure he wouldn't be here, right now. He'd have been shipped off to America, at the very least! Datz was, and still is, right to hold back his feelings.
He's told that merely confessing is enough, usually, for the disease to leave. But he- haha, he can't do that. Seriously? In the middle of all this?! Dhurke's got more important things to deal with than his feelings! It's sorted. He just won't get excited about coming back home to Dhurke when he's on missions, now. Before the medic could do the unthinkable, and keep Datz from weaseling his way outta situations, he's already gone.
Years continue to pass. Things get worse- and better, and worse. Dhurke struggles, and Datz does his own part to make things easier. Datz struggles, and Dhurke does the same, murmuring deepest praise against his scars. When he hears Datz coughing now, he doesn't ask, only pats him on the back, or calls, you alright? He knows Dhurke cares about him, anyway, and that's more than enough. He doesn't need it to be reciprocated. People don't need the Sun to love them, do they? It's enough just to lay in its light- just to be around him. To stand by his side. Dhurke leans his head against Datz's shoulder, and he clears his throat, trying to be subtle-
Dhurke laughs, fond, and asks if Datz's got another cough trapped in there. ...Even if it's unrequited, Datz feels loved. That's more than enough for him.