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It was an unexpected development to say the least. If you’d asked him a few months back, Bucky would have sworn that he would never trust Jarvis. A disembodied voice that belonged to a machine rather than a flesh and blood person wasn’t exactly high up on his list of trustworthy people. Then again the list only has like three people on it. When Bucky thought about it though, the him from all those years ago would have been thrilled to get to talk to someone like Jarvis, to see all of the technological progress that had happened in such a short time. Those things were far less exciting now, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested.
Even if Bucky had adjusted to Jarvis rather quickly, the first few days had still felt strange. When he’d first moved in with Steve, bringing what little he owned, the AI greeted him cordially, with the same friendliness he treated any of the other guests.
“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance Sergeant Barnes. Please let me know if I can be of assistance.”
Sergeant Barnes. He hadn’t been sure what to think of that. No one had called him that in years, yet the AI made it sound perfectly natural. He supposed it would do for now.
A few weeks later Steve was heading off on a mission with Natasha. Despite the itch to go along, Bucky knew he wasn’t quite ready for that yet.
Steve leaned in to give Bucky a quick kiss, earning an eye roll from Sam and a fond shake of her head from Nat. “We’ll be back in a few days. I’ll check in when I can. Remember to ask Jarvis for anything you need.”
“I will.” Bucky turned to Nat and Sam. “Try to keep him out of trouble. I already know he’s taking all the stupid with him.”
Steve scrunched up his nose at that, leaning in for another quick kiss before heading into the quinjet. Natasha gave him a brief hug, while he and Sam simply exchanged nods.
Back inside Bucky settled onto the couch, pulling the weighted blanket Natasha had gifted him into his lap. It was, of course, Captain America themed. Now that Steve wasn’t there to decide what they should do, he wasn’t exactly sure where to start. Reading would be nice. Steve rarely had the patience to focus on a book, something Bucky couldn’t understand seeing as the blonde could spend hours on a single art piece. Back in the day, he’d spent quite a lot of time reading while Steve leaned against him and sketched. Of course, reading would require having a book.
Well, he was supposed to ask. “Jarvis?” He half expected to get silence in return.
“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”
“Would it be possible to get a copy of the Hobbit? By J. R. R. Tolkien?” Was that book even still in print these days?
“Certainly, sir. I can have a copy delivered if you’d like.”
“On second thought I don’t have a way to pay for it.”
“Not to worry, sir. Captain Rogers has given me permission to make purchases on your account. I doubt he would begrudge you a bit of light reading. If you would take a look at your tablet, sir, I’ve brought up your options regarding format and edition. I’ve included some of Tolkien's other works as well in case you are interested.”
Bucky leaned over to take the tablet off the table. While Steve was still a bit of an old man when it came to technology, Bucky was perfectly capable of using it. The Winter Soldier had used plenty of it, though online shopping hadn’t been on the list of uses. He scrolled through the list for a few minutes, marveling at just how many new works had been published since then.
“Where would I even start?”
“I would suggest starting with the most popular four books. Being the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogy.” It had been a rhetorical question, but the answer was appreciated nonetheless.
“I’ll start there then.”
“Would you prefer hardback, paperback, or mass market paperback? Those are the smaller ones, Sir. I would suggest the hardback.”
The old Bucky would never have dreamed of getting a hardback book, not new at least. They were certainly more expensive, but seeing as Jarvis recommended it he could blame the AI if Steve complained about it, though Steve certainly wouldn’t.
************
Bucky settled into the hot bath, sinking in until just his head was above the water. He’d washed up quickly in the shower, but now he planned to soak until the water got cold. He took hot baths, probably on the side of being too hot, but after years of coming in and out of ice nothing else felt warm enough.
Some nights he enjoyed the quiet, though those were usually spent with Steve, the blonde leaning against his chest just like old times - size excluded. Tonight though, like many nights alone, the silence wasn’t preferable. It gave him too much time to think, which always brought up memories he’d much rather forget. “Jarvis?”
“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”
“Could you play some music?”
“Any requests, sir?”
“Do people still listen to Ella Fitzgerald or Frank Sinatra?” Bucky liked a lot of modern music well enough; Natasha had been introducing things to him bit by bit. Even Sam would occasionally recommend something new - he didn’t trust Bucky to choose what they listened to when they worked out or sparred.
In answer to the question, the music flowed into the room. It might feel rather slow to modern ears, but the familiar sound warmed Bucky through. He recognized the vocals well enough, it was certainly Ella, but the song itself was unfamiliar. “What song is this?”
“These Foolish Things (Remind Me Of You). This particular version is Ella Fitzgerald in collaboration with Louis Armstrong from 1957.”
No wonder the song itself was unfamiliar, but the sound itself was just as warming. As he took in the lyrics he couldn’t help but smile.
Those stumbling words that told you what my heart meant.
That first time he’d told Steve he loved him. They’d just gotten back from a double date that hadn’t ended well for either of them. Since they hadn’t had a chance to dance, Bucky had convinced Steve to dance with him. As the song ended he held Steve close to his chest, their eyes locked as he gathered the courage to say the words. They came out half-strangled, but as soon as he saw the light in Steve’s eyes the words came out perfectly.
And candle lights on little corner tables.
There’d been numerous nights where they didn’t have power or simply couldn’t turn the lights on because they didn’t have money for the bill. Once it was dark, Steve couldn’t work on his sketches without straining his eyes. So often they settled on the couch together, Steve leaning against Bucky’s chest as the brunette read aloud by candlelight.
Two lovers on the street who walk like dreamers.
The late nights they’d walked home, hand in hand, using the chill or the rain as an excuse to stay close. Dreaming of the day they could walk arm and arm proudly.
Each song brought back little memories here and there. Nothing grand, but really the simple things were what made their time together so good.
After a varied selection of Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, and Frank Sinatra the water was finally too cool for Bucky’s liking. He pulled himself from the water just as the last song faded into silence.
“I hope the music was to your liking, Sergeant Barnes.”
“It was perfect.”
************
Lately, Bucky had been spending his evenings sitting on the couch watching various documentaries and a few other shows. Mythbusters was one of his current favorites. Who didn’t love learning science while getting to watch explosions? Steve would join him on the couch with his sketchbook, just like he had in the past. Usually, Bucky would end up sitting in the corner at a bit of an angle so that Steve could lean against him and still keep his legs on the couch.
Tonight, though, none of the usual things seemed interesting. He could go train some, but he’d already done that this morning and his limbs had that heavy feeling that told him it would take far more effort than he had the energy for.
“Sergeant Barnes. Your books have arrived. I had the front desk set the box in the elevator and brought it up to you.”
“Here already? You just ordered them today. Do things often come that fast?”
“No, sir, but a local bookstore was willing to make the delivery.”
“You didn’t have to bother with that. I could wait.” Despite his words, Bucky made his way to the elevator, finding a medium cardboard box on the center of the floor as the metal doors slid open. After picking the box up, Bucky took it back to the living room to open it, grabbing a knife along the way.
Each volume was a rich dark green with several sharp mountain peaks outlined in white along the covers. The title printed on the bottom of the front cover over fluffy white clouds that served to illustrate the true height of the mountains. When the spines were aligned a simple scene could be made out: a golden sun high in the sky and the dragon Smaug, just as golden, sailing towards it. A softer green circle outlined the scene and dipped behind the mountains, reminiscent of the rings of power.
Bucky took his time looking over each one. They seemed too nice to actually read, as though they belong to be looked at on a shelf and nothing else. It only took a moment for him to set that hesitation aside and take The Hobbit over to the couch. Tolkien had written his words to be read, leaving them on a shelf untouched would be a waste of his genius and efforts.
Though the book looked different to those he’d once owned, the smell of the fresh print, feel of the pages in his hands, and smoothness of the cover were all too familiar. Even as he began to read that familiarity continued. He knew how the story would go, but that didn’t matter.
The destination did not matter, only the journey.
Bucky read for nearly two hours before finally forcing himself to get something to eat. He threw together a sandwich and heated up some leftovers, which he ate in a rush before returning to his book. A few hours and many pages later he finally felt relaxed and tired enough to go to bed.
************
At least that had been his plan. Bucky wasn’t all too surprised to find himself wide awake little more than ten minutes after he had settled into bed and closed his eyes. He slept better than he had several months ago, but it was still fairly common for him to have sleepless nights, especially when Steve wasn’t around.
On nights they were together, sometimes Bucky would get lucky and fall asleep after an hour or two. Even on nights he didn’t sleep much, he did manage to rest. The warmth of the blonde in his arms and the familiar presence let his mind and body relax. Any thoughts that came to mind were centered around Steve, memories of their past together, putting together the life they’d had piece by piece.
When he was alone his mind wandered to other things, things he’d rather stay buried deep within. Shuri had done her best to try and help him, but even her genius met resistance in the complexity of the human mind. Wanda had been working with him bit by bit to put up barriers in his mind, but the sessions were few and far between. They both needed to be in the right headspace. She had to be just as prepared as he was to see the horrors in his memories.
After about half an hour, Bucky figured he might as well give the breathing exercises Sam had taught him. They rarely worked, but it was certainly worth a shot. First was the “4-7-8” method. Breathe in through your nose to the count of four, hold your breath to the count of seven, then breath out through your mouth to the count of eight. Even if it didn’t do much, at least his mind had to focus on the counting.
The second method involved relaxing your body starting at the head and working your way down. There certainly was plenty of tension in his muscles. No matter how much he relaxed consciously as soon as his mind had time to wander the tension would come back, its own sort of muscle memory at this point. After you were fully relaxed the goal was to not think, which would let your mind drift off to sleep. An empty mind was too difficult for him, so he often counted sheep or something similar.
Even though he’d expected it, Bucky was still slightly annoyed when neither method worked. He rolled over to his other side, careful to keep extra weight off his shoulder. Maybe he should just get up and read. Or exercise. Anything but lying there for another four or so hours.
“Sergeant Barnes?”
The voice pulled Bucky from his thoughts of indecision. Had Jarvis ever initiated a conversation before? “Jarvis?”
“Pardon my intrusion, sir, but I couldn’t help but notice your restlessness.”
“Nothing unusual. I don’t sleep well.” Certainly, the AI had noticed.
“If I may, Mrs. Potts often listens to white noise on nights when she has trouble sleeping. It’s worked well for Mr. Stark on the few occasions she or Mr. Rhodes have convinced him to try it.”
Really Bucky didn’t think it would help. Nothing else he’d tried had short of physical exhaustion. If it didn’t it wouldn’t be any different than not sleeping with the sounds. “We can give it a try.”
First came the rain noises, just loud enough to be heard. Next soft piano music was layered on top. It wasn’t a piece he recognized. Surprisingly he found it easy to focus on the music, leaving no more room in his mind for other thoughts.
Just over a quarter of an hour later, when Bucky was beginning to consider that it wouldn’t work, his eyelids felt heavier and heavier until they finally slipped shut.
************
It was early morning by the time Steve made it back to the compound. He half expected to find Bucky already up and brewing a cup of coffee, but the apartment was quiet. Setting his things down in the hall, Steve headed towards their bedroom already peeling off his dirty uniform. He needed a shower. One foot through the door Steve stopped, staring at the bed in awe. Bucky was actually asleep, the cover of a book sticking out from under one arm.
After a few minutes, Steve moved to the bathroom, careful not to make much noise. Bucky got little sleep in the first place, he didn’t want to cut that short.
“Welcome back, Captain Rogers.” The voice greeted him as he stepped into the shower.
“Good to be back, Jarvis. Everything okay while I was gone?”
“Yes, sir. I purchased a few books for Sergeant Barnes.” Jarvis went into a bit more detail, not that there was really much to tell. It had been a simple day.
“Thanks for taking care of him.”
“My pleasure, sir.” There was no clear indication, but Steve knew Jarvis was gone, though he would certainly hear them if they called.
After washing up rather quickly and turning his skin red from all the scrubbing, Steve changed into his pajamas. Back in the bedroom, he found himself staring in awe once again. It was so rare that he got to see Buck like this, sleeping so peacefully without Steve right beside him. In fact, Steve couldn’t remember a time since the war.
He didn’t need to stand there forever. If Bucky woke up to find him staring rather than joining him in bed, he’d certainly be annoyed. Even with as little sleep as he got Bucky was always eager to welcome Steve home. He’d lost him before and now he would take all the time together he could get.
Slipping under the covers, Steve retrieved the book from under Bucky’s arm to set it on the nightstand. He smiled at the title on the cover. He should have known. Pulling Bucky to his chest, he pressed a kiss to the top of the other man’s head.
Bucky stirred, groaning and taking a moment to access the situation, before rolling over so that they were face to face. His eyes still droopy, he leaned up to give Steve a kiss. “Welcome back.”
“I missed you.” Steve returned the kiss and they spent the next several minutes kissing and just admiring each other. Finally, Steve pulled away, burying his face in the pillow. “You can get up if you want, but I haven’t slept.”
“I’ll stay” Bucky rolled back over and no sooner than he was settled in Steve’s arms did he drift off to sleep again. Steve wasn’t far behind.