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They looked at each other constantly.
And it didn’t just stop at looking, either.
Little moments where they’d trade a smile, share a laugh. When they’d touch the other’s cheek and pretend it was just an eyelash.
When they’d hold the other’s hand on a mission, but pull away before anyone noticed.
Toge and Yuuta had been doing this dance of push and pull since Yuuta’s study abroad had been postponed due to inclement weather at the airport — and at this rate, it was going to be cancelled.
Not that either of them minded, though — not when something had surfaced between them, fueled by the ticking time until Yuuta’s year-long trip was going to come. Although, not anymore. For now.
Toge glanced at Yuuta out of the corner of his eye, tracing the line of his jaw with a steady gaze.
The seating arrangement in the van Gojo had borrowed for their trip to a concert that Nobara wanted to see for her birthday went like this:
Gojo was driving, with Panda in the passenger seat.
Maki, Nobara, and Yuuji were sitting in the middle row.
Toge, Megumi, and Yuuta were in the back row.
Toge had expected to be the one to be thrust into the middle seat, per his… slight stature, but Megumi had insisted on sitting between him and Yuuta — and Toge had a sour feeling he knew why.
Because he wasn’t the only one whose eyes were on Yuuta.
No, Toge wasn’t the only one at all.
He peeked up at Megumi’s face, turned just enough to watch Yuuta as well. Toge crossed his arms and looked out his own window, sulking behind his face mask. He tapped his foot, jaw twitching with irritation.
“Kombuuu?” He called.
Maki swiveled her head around. “How many times are you gonna ask? Check your phone!”
Toge held up his phone — dead.
Maki snatched it up and plugged it into the charger in front of her.
Gojo waved. “Forty-five minutes until we’re there, kids!”
Toge sighed.
Forty-five more minutes of sitting there, stuck, while he tried to get Yuuta’s attention but couldn’t. Toge scratched at a scuff on the cup holder, peeling at the scraped plastic until some of it came off. He rolled it between his fingers.
To his right, Megumi leaned in towards Yuuta.
Toge grabbed Megumi by the sleeve without thinking, and leaned in to stop him from making any moves on— ahem, to see what he and Yuuta were doing. They were just checking seats, though.
Toge’s heart pounded miserably, and he desperately wished he could trade places with Yuuji. Even if it meant sitting beside Nobara and Maki squished up together, flirting relentlessly, at least he’d be sitting in front of Yuuta. He grinned to himself.
“Okakaaaa! Mentaiko!”
Maki groaned. “Gojo-sensei, Toge needs a piss break!”
Gojo pulled over at the nearest rest stop — a good ten minutes down the road, really — and told everyone to unload and take a break.
Toge was out of the car first, wiggling his way between Maki and Nobara over the seat and tumbling out into the crisp autumn air. He stretched his legs and back, shrugging helplessly when Maki glared at him as she pulled the seat forward to let Yuuta and Megumi out.
Yuuta was by Toge’s side in an instant.
“Were you getting claustrophobic back there?”
Toge smiled under his mask at the attention and shook his head, glancing briefly at Megumi, who looked between them.
Or, more specifically, looked at the way Yuuta touched Toge’s shoulder, running his hand down his bicep to curl at his elbow, then sliding his fingers along Toge’s forearm to hold him loosely by the wrist. Each touch made Toge giddy, his heart a mess of mush in his chest while his stomach turned backflips.
Gojo clapped his hands. “Toge-kun, didn’t you have to take a leak?”
Toge flushed when six pairs of eyes turned on him.
Toge coughed and nodded, running into the gas station and finding the bathroom fairly easily. He didn’t think about anything except trading places with Yuuji, wanting desperately to not have to be stuck beside Megumi, zipping his pants up when he was done and checking himself in the mirror as he washed his hands. Toge turned around briefly and cocked his hip — yeah, his ass was better than Megumi’s.
Maybe.
Or maybe not.
The other boy did squats constantly while doing his stupid shadow technique — of course his ass was better than Toge’s. But it wasn’t like Toge’s ass was flat either. Other than Megumi’s, he was sure his ass was the best.
Someone cleared their throat, and Toge realized there was a trucker behind him, trying to reach the sink.
Toge’s heart stuttered and he squeaked, running out of the bathroom. Of course he was caught by some rando while checking his own ass out.
Toge bolted into the parking lot and jumped into Yuuji’s spot, slamming the van door behind him. Good, it seemed like Yuuji had already moved to the back.
He looked behind himself, where Yuuta sat, and then at Megumi, who had an earbud of Yuuji’s shoved into his ear while Yuuji talked his other ear off about whatever show he was watching on Netflix.
Yuuta leaned forward and gave Toge a warm smile. “Feel better?”
Toge nodded, too dumbstruck to speak even a small “shake”.
Yuuta’s lips brushed against the shell of Toge’s ear. “I’m glad! We’re sitting next to each other at the concert, you know? I’m in the aisle seat, you’re to my left, and Fushiguro-kun’s to your left.”
Toge was glad that his mask hid the sour frown on his face at the mention of Megumi.
But, Yuuta kept talking, the warm breath of his tickling Toge’s ear and making his skin feel scalding.
Toge’s eyelids drooped, Yuuta’s voice pulling him into a warm, fuzzy state of mind, barely registering the way Yuuta’s hand on the back seat had moved to Toge’s shoulder and neck. One of his fingers traced Toge’s spine, tapping along until he couldn’t go further without sticking his hand between Toge and the seat.
Megumi piped up, popping the bubble of comfort and breaking the spell Yuuta’s voice had put Toge under. “I think Okkotsu-senpai and Inumaki-senpai should switch seats. Since Inumaki-senpai might need to look around someone to see, he can see better from the aisle.”
Yuuta laughed next to Toge’s ear, pulling back. “Is that so?”
Megumi nodded.
Toge glared.
That sneaky, sneaky first year just wanted to get up in Yuuta’s good graces and get close to him and…
Toge looked away and grabbed his phone off of Maki’s charger, opening Twitter to scroll through some of his favorite artists’ media tabs.
He was chill — totally, completely, obviously chill. He wasn’t pining after Yuuta or anything.
Gojo yelled from the front seat, letting them know they would be parking soon and to prepare their tickets before they got out. The back of Toge’s neck prickled — Yuuta was leaning in again.
Toge looked at Yuuta from the corner of his eye. Yuuta was looking at him, the softest smile on his lips that Toge had ever seen.
Toge wanted to kiss him.
Like, ‘kick him in the backs of his knees so he was on Toge’s level and kiss him’ kind of kiss.
Or maybe the kind where he got a pair of platform boots and was tall enough to kiss him with minimal effort kind of kiss.
Toge wasn’t entirely sure. He just wanted to kiss him.
Gojo hit a pothole, and Yuuta’s face smacked into the back of the seat, interrupting whatever magical moment that had begun to sparkle between them. Toge snickered and wheezed when Gojo suddenly slammed on the brakes, sending him flying forward in his seat, caught (and choked) by the seatbelt.
Thank god for seatbelts.
Gojo turned around with a large smile. “Alrighty kids, we’re here! Everyone out!”
Six teenagers and one panda groaned, climbing out into the parking lot and rubbing whatever body parts had been bruised and battered by Gojo’s terrible driving.
Toge groaned and leaned against Maki’s shoulder with a dramatic, “Mentaikooo.”
Maki shoved him off. “Okkotsu is right there, dumbass.”
Toge leaned against Yuuta’s shoulder. “Mentaiko.”
Yuuta rubbed his head affectionately. “Gojo-sensei’s driving is awful. We should’ve asked Nitta-san to drive us. Or Ijichi-san.”
Nobara leaned against Maki.
Toge sulked. “Ikura!”
Maki stuck her tongue out and grinned. “Of course I play favorites, she’s my beloved kouhai. You’re my little…” She paused and looked him up and down. “Anyway.”
Toge didn’t even have time to respond, since Gojo started hustling them towards the ticket booth to check in, and then herding them up into the stands towards their seats. They weren’t bad seats, all in all, even if the people in front of them were taller than average. Toge looked up at his classmates, who seemed to be able to see just fine.
Unfortunately, Toge was not blessed with height.
Yuuta touched Toge’s shoulder. “Want to — – — -?”
Toge scrunched his nose as the sounds of pop music began to blast out of the speakers, and a loud cheer rose up from the crowd, drowning out Yuuta’s words.
He leaned in. “Takana?”
Yuuta opened his mouth, repeating his question, but the heavy bass was all they could hear.
Toge furrowed his brows. “Takana?!”
Yuuta pressed his lips directly to Toge’s ear, “I said, do you want to switch places after all?!”
Toge flushed at the tickle of lips moving against his skin, incredibly grateful for the strobe lights and colored flashes that made all colors unrecognizable.
He nodded, letting Yuuta switch places with him.
Toge was glad to switch places with Yuuta, really. He wasn’t exactly sure why when he detested the thought of Megumi having a shot at flirting with Yuuta, but… the people behind them pushed forward a bit, and Toge flinched as their hands connected with his back.
He wasn’t claustrophobic.
But he wasn’t exactly a fan of crowds, either.
Toge’s heart, lungs, stomach, head, everything seemed to pound with the bass of the music, his blood pumping through his veins as adrenaline spiked through him.
He lost track of time.
At some point, maybe after four or five songs, the music of the group on stage and the screams and cheers of the crowd blended together into a steady ringing in Toge’s ears. Their hands, that pushed and pulled and touched, became dull thumps that registered only in the peripheral of his senses.
Toge grew aware of his breathing and his heartbeat — erratic, unsteady. The white noise in his ears was muffled by the panic settling in his nerves, and he lifted his hands to cover his ears.
Someone jostled his shoulder, so he sat down in his seat and curled in on himself, taking deep breaths to try and get the air into his lungs. Everything smelled like people — skin and hair and bodies — and the air tasted like sweat and his leg was bouncing.
Toge focused on the feeling of his heel hitting the ground, and on the warm tracks on his cheeks — tears? He was crying?
His vision swam, cleared, then swam again as he became aware of the tears rolling down his cheeks.
After maybe ten songs, someone touched his shoulder — he flinched.
And then a large, oversized white jacket was laid across his shoulders, and the smell of Yuuta’s body wash and deodorant was all Toge could smell, and a large hand was on his back while another large hand gripped his bicep and pulled him to his feet.
Yuuta’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, his touch as light as air, just heavy enough to guide him through the crowd towards an exit that pointed to where the bathroom was.
They exited the main concert area and into the hall, where crisp night air whipped at Toge’s cheeks and licked away his tears.
Toge pulled Yuuta’s jacket around himself tighter, gasping into the fabric and shuddering.
Yuuta removed his arm from around Toge and directed him over to the bathroom. They ducked inside.
Yuuta grabbed paper towels and rinsed a few under cold tap water, then guided them back out and to a small, quiet corner with few people in it. He dabbed at Toge’s tears with a dry paper towel, and rested the damp one against Toge’s neck.
Toge hiccuped and scrubbed at his face, pushing Yuuta’s hands away.
Yuuta dropped his hands without a word. He pulled out his phone and sat down, patting the ground next to him. Toge sat after a moment of hesitation. A door further away opened, and the sounds of screaming and cheering grew exponentially louder, quieting down only when the door shut once more.
Yuuta held up his phone in line of Toge’s sight.
A cat jumped at a windowsill and missed.
A dog barked at a wall.
A hamster deepthroated its waterbottle tip.
Another cat attempted to jump on a bed and fell off.
Toge laughed — or coughed, really. He tapped his head against Yuuta’s shoulder, rubbing at his eyes as he finally got his breathing under control.
Yuuta bumped Toge’s shoulder gently with his own. “You okay? Or… um… I know you probably aren’t. I mean, first hand experience… panic attacks are draining. So you probably aren’t fine. But like… do you feel a little… better?”
Toge closed his eyes and nodded.
Yuuta’s phone read 23:38, so Toge knew the concert had to be wrapping up soon — if he’d been keeping track properly, which he probably hadn’t, then they were on either their fourteenth or fifteenth song — and there were only twenty songs being performed.
Toge reached out and pressed the power button on Yuuta’s phone, shutting it off.
He mumbled, his voice cracking a bit, “Ikura… okaka.”
Yuuta wrapped his arm around Toge and pulled him closer, rubbing his arm lightly. “We don’t have to go back in yet. It’s cramped in there, anyway.”
Toge knew he was just being polite — he knew what it was like to have panic attacks, that was all.
But it was easy to delude himself into thinking there was any deeper meaning to it, when Yuuta treated him so kindly and took Toge’s needs into consideration so easily.
“Mentaiko…”
Yuuta laughed. “Nah, I don’t mind! It’s nice being out here with you, Inumaki-kun.”
The way he looked at Toge had to mean something.
If it didn’t, why did he look like he was… yearning?
Toge made a noise, or maybe he said something.
Yuuta laughed. “I mean yeah, it is kind of cold.” He fingers touched Toge, and then overlapped and interlocked with his. Yuuta held their hands up. “But now I’m warm!”
Toge couldn’t help himself. He leaned in and squeezed his eyes shut, pecking a quick kiss onto Yuuta’s cheek.
Yuuta’s phone clattered onto the ground, and when Toge pulled away, Yuuta was beet red. His mouth had fallen open, and he looked a little confused, but not displeased.
Toge crossed his arms over his knees and rested his cheek against them, peeking nervously at Yuuta.
The questions spinning in Yuuta’s head couldn’t be seen, but Toge was sure that if he listened hard enough, he could hear the gears turning.
Barely.
It was hard to hear anything over the loud music still taking over his thoughts, even in the hallway.
Yuuta’s phone lit up with a text message, but neither of them paid it any attention. Toge stood shakily and brushed off his butt.
“T-Takana, mentaiko, kombu shake. Tsunamayo, tsuna tsuna.” He wasn't even sure what he himself was saying, but it was easy enough to guess what he meant when he pointed at the main concert area and pulled Yuuta by the arm. Yuuta stood and allowed Toge to hand his jacket back, following him to the concert hall and back to their seats.
Just as they were getting back, Maki shoved past Megumi to grab Toge by the shoulders and shake him.
“Are you okay?! Where the hell did you two disappear to?!” She slapped his head lightly, then pulled him into a tight hug. “You stupid idiots. Don’t go anywhere without telling us again.”
Even though they both knew that no normal person could stand in their way, Toge was still relieved to know she was worried. But, it was okay.
“Shake, shakeee.” He gave her a quick smile, pushing her back towards the rest.
Yuuta stood behind him and opened his jacket, pulling Toge between his arms and shielding him from the pushing of the crowd.
They came back at a good time — the band was announcing their final song, and it was a slow song.
Glowsticks shot up, swaying along as the loud bass softened dramatically, and the crowd grew much less rowdy. Even Yuuta began to sway, pulling Toge with him in the movement.
Toge closed his eyes and leaned his head back against Yuuta’s chest, relief that the concert was almost over filling his chest.
He couldn’t wait to be back home, in their dorm room, curled up in his own blankets with his giant stuffed rabbits. Feeling warm and safe, just as he liked.
The song reached its bridge, and Yuuta’s hands came to touch Toge’s waist, getting his attention.
Toge looked up, where Yuuta’s eyes were fixed on him.
He mouthed three simple, extraordinary words, flipping on the buzzing bees in Toge’s tummy even though he couldn’t hear Yuuta over the speakers and music and crowd.
But he could read his lips well enough.
I like you.
Toge closed his eyes and smiled, letting Yuuta kiss him as the music faded off and the crowd began to cheer.
They kissed long after the band thanked their fans for coming, and people began to file out, and when they got into the van, not even Gojo’s shitty driving could keep them from being comfortably snuggled in the back seat together.
Toge dozed off during the long drive back to campus, warm and content and exhausted under Yuuta’s jacket, his hand tangled in Yuuta’s — his Yuuta’s.
Hands down: it was the best birthday Toge had ever been invited to celebrate.
It wasn’t even his own birthday, and he’d been given the best gift of all: mutual, reciprocated feelings.
A boyfriend.
His boyfriend.