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Dahyun hated to admit it, but she was nervous.
It had been years—four years, to be exact, since she and Sana had called it quits. They were high school sweethearts with big dreams to prove everyone wrong; that long-distance relationships do last. But as time went on and texts became increasingly sparse, the end was inevitable. Regardless, Sana, being her bubbly self, always made sure to check on her even though they were no longer together. Dahyun always appreciated that trait of hers, but something about the text she received gave her an uneasy feeling.
Sana: are you free to meet up? I have some important news to tell you
Usually, Sana’s texts consist of rushed grammar and a barrage of emojis, so something about this particular message told Dahyun that something was different. She didn’t know if she should be worried, but she quickly accepted the invitation despite her initial confusion.
Dahyun: yeah ill be free on monday
Sana: cool, see you at our usual spot! <33
To say Dahyun completely moved on from Sana would be a blatant lie. Even when they did break up, Dahyun held onto the feeling that sooner or later they’d get back together just like before. Sure, she was happy they remained good friends, but she can’t quite convince herself that that’s all she wanted to be to Sana. Dahyun was just hoping that maybe this time their timing will be right.
The dreaded day came, and Dahyun was a mess. She had woken up two hours earlier, frantically changing clothes in hopes of finding something to impress Sana. Dahyun didn’t remember much from her blurry morning, but by the time she got a hold of herself, she realized she finally arrived. Sana was seated at their usual table, seemingly lost in her own world, and Dahyun took her time to observe Sana before tapping her on the shoulder.
“Oh, Dahyunah! It’s been a while,” Sana gleamed. “It’s great to see you again, unnie,” Dahyun chuckled before taking a seat across from her. Their conversation flowed smoothly afterward, and Dahyun basked in the comfort that was Sana's presence. They reminisced over little things and embarrassing memories until the topic shifted to Sana’s big news.
“So… what’s the important thing you wanted to tell me?” Dahyun noticed Sana shifting in her seat until she revealed what proudly laid on her ring finger. At that moment, Dahyun could feel her heart sinking.
“I’m engaged!” Sana happily showed off her engagement ring, and Dahyun couldn’t do anything but stare. “Oh, really? Congratulations, unnie,” she tried her best to keep her composure, but it felt like there was a lump in her throat, “when did you guys meet?” Sana gushed about her lover’s proposal and animatedly talked about how they met, her eyes radiating with joy. Dahyun had seen it. That familiar glint in Sana’s eyes when she used to look at her. She was crushed but did her best to carry on the conversation, so as to not spoil Sana’s happiness. “You’re going to my wedding, right?” Dahyun faintly smiled before nodding, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Soon, they found themselves saying goodbye, and before Dahyun could turn away, she was met with Sana’s warm embrace. “I missed you, Dahyunnie,” Sana softly whispered as she tucked her head in Dahyun’s neck. “I missed you too,” and with that, they parted ways.
Before heading to sleep, Dahyun decided to open her messaging app after hours of contemplating. She shakily clicked on Sana’s name and let her heart type all of the words she failed to say earlier.
hey unnie, this text is kind of out of the blue but i couldnt help but write it. its selfish to say this knowing that youre with someone new but i still love you. i really do. i dont know how i convinced myself that my lingering feelings were just my attachment to the memories we made together but i was wrong. my feelings were always there and sometimes id find myself hoping that youd see me the same way too. but maybe thats where it went wrong. maybe if i had done something. anything even. over waiting idly, then maybe i could still call you mine. it was as if everything came rushing back when i saw you there at our table and i blanked. but you look so so happy and thats all ive ever wanted. and maybe this is my sort of selfish closure but know that youll always have a place in my heart. and though i failed to say it-
She didn’t know long she was crying, but all she knew was that her tears were falling on her phone screen. Dahyun shook her head, laughing to herself, ‘ What am I doing?’ She deleted everything except for the last sentence. ‘It is for the best.’
Dahyun: im happy for you unnie
Dahyun hated to admit it, but maybe some things are better left unsaid.