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sighing, scaramouche sat down at the edge of his bed. He let his thoughts run free.
From the day he was made, he had never quite felt satisfied with his body.
At often times he’d been depressed because of it. Since he was meant to be a puppet resembling the Raiden Shogun, (which she had failed at this task ) he was made to look like her, be as powerful as her, and even feel the same on the inside as her. Yet he has never felt more diverse to her. this of course led scaramouche to often feel left out, disoriented, insecure, .
He was told he has been assigned the gender male. but what proves this information wrong above anything else is his body.
his torso, to be exact.
he did not have what he thought was necessary to identify as a male.
He has been thinking about it for a while, and a long time ago he set his future. he identified as the opposite gender, meaning he is transgender, although his genital organs have always had a funny way of messing with his head.
he knows very well that (what he found) “real” men don’t have what he does. he has seen it before, as he has had relationships in the past. (very few, as scaramouche has never been an easily trusting person, but still worth mentioning.)
However none of those relationships ever really lasted. Scaramouche has made this insecurity get the best of him. whenever he’d been comfortable enough to out himself, his partner would leave him in disgust, leaving his synthetic heart in pieces. either that, or he would leave his partners, before anything close to that would happen. he is scared, and feels no one understands him. yet he has decided to step out of his comfort zone. ever since Childe, the 11th among the fatui harbingers, had first been assigned under scaramouches orders, Scaramouche had felt something special about him. He would just not leave him alone. whenever Scaramouche expressed anger, snarkiness, or irritance towards Childe, he just took it as a sign to keep going.
later, childe had been increased roles and status, which is when he got the iconic title of the 11th among harbingers.
around this time was when they had started dating. scaramouche let himself dream. he let himself indulge into something he has never allowed himself to do again. more importantly, he started loving again.
in fact, he had called over his boyfriend to talk to him about this exact topic. he hasn’t outed himself yet, but yet he feels the need to.
this can either heavily impact their relationship, or make it even more special. safer.
scaramouche trusts childe, and he’s almost certain he will not have a problem with it. yet the thought still lingers in his mind.
his thoughts got interrupted by a knock on his apartment door.
‘this is it.’ he thinks. it shouldn’t be anyone else but childe, for scaramouche is free of his missions (for now) and isn’t expecting anyone else.
slowly taking a deep breath one last time, he feels himself lift and walk over to his door. his hands are slightly shaking and his breathing has gotten slow.
gripping the door handle with quite some force, he finally opens his door.
of course, stranding before him is childe.
his ocean blue eyes immediately lit up at the sight of his boyfriend. he wanted to hug him there, but he resisted.some time ago, after they had gotten together they’ve had a deep conversation with each other.
Scaramouche wasnt keen on public display of affection, and they figured it’d be best to keep it on the DLa , as their relationship might get unwanted attention.
“can i come inside?”
scaramouche had been quiet for a moment, he’s still processing how exactly to approach the situation.
“y-yes, of course.” he gives him a brief smile, watching childe walking into his room, quickly taking a seat on his bead.
he had been here before, quite a few times actually. Scaramouche would often drag him here when he’d need to patch childe up, which was quite often due to the fact that childe was quite thirsty for battle.
…
“listen, i- there’s something i wanted to talk to you about.”
“hmm? and what’s that?” childe gave him the softest smile, shooting him a look that promised only the best.
that look somewhat made the situation worse for scaramouche.
“i’m just going to lay it out for you, otherwise i really wouldn’t know how to tell you this.”
scaramouche started explaining, not holding eye contact as he’s fiddling with his fingers.
childe nodded his head, showing him that he’s listening.
“you’re my boyfriend and we’ve had some heated moments before, and before we got to the real thing i wanted you to know about this. i’m uh… .” letting out a breath, he finally looks up to his boyfriend.
“i’m transgender”
scaramouche watched childes face change. he was ready for anything now.
“oh.. OH! oh, you’re trans? that’s- that’s what you wanted to talk about?”
childe scratched his neck, feeling relieved.
scaramouche slowly nodded his head.
the ginger visually eased up.
“alright, haha! i’m sorry, i didn’t really expect this,” childe smiled, looking down at his rather bruised hands, not quite ready to hold eye contact yet. scaramouche looked him suprised, not having expected this out of him.
“i thought it would be something much more serious, to be honest, i mean, you kinda scared me there, haha”
childe awkwardly chuckled, leaning back on the bed, his arms supporting him.
“what do you mean? this doesn’t bother you?”
the smaller male leaned in, showing interest in the conversation.
the latter shook his head.
“of course not, you know i don’t care about those things.”
he intertwined their hands together,
“i love you dearly, kunikuzushi. nothing would break that.”
Scaramouche was at a loss for words, he didn’t know what to say.
but he didn’t need to say anything. childe understands.
the smaller smiled, feeling like he finally found the right one. childe returned the gesture.
“hey so, i know you’re not all about public, but do you want me to refer to you as she or like… her in public? or do you not want that yet?”
the ginger slowly took scaramouches hands into his own and played with his fingers.
“huh? No. Childe. Trans.”
childe visibly tensed. “oh, you don’t? but- didn’t you just say-?”
childe said very confused.
silence fell. that’s when they both realized childes mistake.
“ohhhh!!” the latter finally understood.
“what an idiot” scaramouche facepalmed.
childe chuckled. then scaramouche followed. soon the both of them were laughing.
“you’re such an idiot, really”
“HOW IS THAT MY FAULT! YOU WERENT CLEAR ENOUGH”
“yes i was!! i’m not to blame for your stupidity. fucking moron.”
“what was that?”
childe playfully pinned scaramouche down on the bend, as they both continued softly laughing.
childe was so happy, he hadn’t seen scaramouche this happy in a while.
“moronnnnn” scaramouche teased.
“shut up, gremlin” the ginger leaned down to softly kiss scaramouche.
silence fell again, though this time it was a more comfortable silence. and filled with soft, low breaths and noises. after a few minutes of innocent kissing, childe was the first to pull back.
looking down at what was underneath him, his heart fluttered.
scaramouche lay there so.. innocently. so peacefully. they just looked at each other in peace. they both smiled at each other, before childe bumped his head slowly against scaramouches chest, still in their mentioned position.
they just layed there for a bit.
sitting with each other. no words needed.
some moments passed, and childe slowly lifted his head. he stood up, now kneeling on the bed, his hair slightly left messy. “can i lay on you?” scaramouche giggled. “you’re acting like a little kid” he patted his stomach, while parting his legs, giving childe a big smile. he was so happy in the moment.
the ginger chuckled and slowly laid down between his thighs, head on his chest.
scaramouche started running his fingers slowly through the gingers hair allowing himself to close his eyes for a bit.
<3
silence. comfortable silence. it’s something they both loved dearly. especially right now in the moment.
breaths synchronized, and feeling safer than ever. this was truly like in a dream.
a dream scaramouche would never wanna wake up from.
they felt like one.
<3