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In the glow of the afternoon light shining through the sheer white curtains, he seemed unreachable. There was a soft glow all around him, like a halo surrounding him, and it stopped Noa in his tracks. As if going any closer would burn him, as if touching him would be sacrilege.
He stood there for a while, long enough that he was sure Solon must have noticed, just staring at him in awe.
Then, as abruptly as he had stopped, he walked on past the older vampire, crossing the room to leave. Thoughts of wanting Solon to reach out and stop him from leaving did nothing to slow his brisk pace.
Still, his head turned to look at the elder on instinct.
The man in question seemed to have not even glanced at Noa, but there was a small smile gracing Solon's face, one that definitely hadn't been there before, and suddenly, Noa felt like a child.
He whipped his head back around, tips of his ears turning red— and found the couch much closer than he remembered it being. With his head too muddled for his otherworldly reflexes to kick in, he rammed his knee against the side of the couch.
No matter how deadpan his face was, his red ears and neck gave him away. Solon, who Noa assumed still wasn't looking, would know anyway, having known Noa for centuries now. He was too embarrassed to even steal one last glimpse of Solon before he teleported out of the room.
It was a different room, made obvious by the lack of furniture and of Solon, but it looked similar. The soft sunshine filtering in through the white curtains caught his eye once again.
He walked closer, taking the fabric between his fingers. It wasn't the curtains themselves that fascinated him, though. It was the way the light had shined down on Solon through it, the way it had highlighted the sharp edges of his features and softened the curved lines, the way it had made his skin glow.
Noa's grip on the curtain tightened, feeling a warmth rise slowly in his chest again. His breath caught in his throat as he recalled the way the sun shone into Solon's odd-coloured eyes, bringing out the colours that contrasted his pale skin. Noa shook his head, as if doing so would get rid of the image in his mind somehow.
How long had he been harbouring these feelings? Years, decades, maybe even centuries.
No matter how long it had been, it always felt new.
The way his slow heartbeat would pick up its pace at the sight of the older vampire, the way his train of thought would halt, replaced by soft and sweet feelings like sticky cotton candy and unbearable thoughts of how it would be like to have his feelings reciprocated. And then, he would always end up like this, alone after embarrassing himself in front of the man he adored, daydreaming like a teenager.
He did get turned as a teenager. Maybe he was doomed to be like this forever.
He could barely recall those days when he first became a vampire. He knew he still looked about as young as he did back then, just a little taller and with wider shoulders. His face looked a little more mature too, hardened with the experience of many centuries. Maybe that meant he did change a lot. Solon, however, liked to still insinuate that he hadn’t grown much, that he was still a child. It was a little insulting, and to hear it coming from the one he fancied bruised his ego. In true smitten fashion, it made him think a little too hard.
Was it that he was still childish and immature? Was it because he still looked so young? Worse even, would him having grown and matured change anything, if Solon still thought of him as a kid regardless? Would it be off-putting for Solon to find out what Noa really feels about him? Maybe he already knew and he was being polite by not saying anything about it, subtly rejecting Noa in that way?
He rested his head against the window, the curtain being the only thing protecting his hair from burning. His deadpan expression melted into one of frustration, lips forming a frown, a deep sigh escaping.
Being in front of Solon did make him feel younger. Like he was still a hard-headed, clumsy teenager. No matter how eloquent his speech had become over the years, his tongue felt like lead in his mouth whenever he tried to speak to Solon. In the end, he always sounded like his 15-year-old self that Solon liked to reminisce about; all jumbled sentences and words that don’t fit quite right in the context. Maybe it should be enough that Solon would get a fond look in his eyes whenever that happened.
Maybe a confession was in order. If only to get it off his chest, get it out there, so he could get closure, so he could move on with his eternal life.
Maybe then he could find someone else to pine over, someone who won't make his heart feel like it was blooming one second and breaking the next.
A stable love. Something that sounded increasingly hopeless with Solon. Then, maybe, when that emotional rollercoaster is over, he could go back to normal around Solon.
But he couldn't help but feel like it would be pointless, like his heart would go back to Solon anyway. Like his love for Solon gained sentience and would return his heart to the elder no matter how hard Noa would try to escape it. Another sigh escaped him, louder and more dramatic, as he fumbled with the curtain, slumping against the window sill.
Maybe it wasn't a stable love he wanted, anyway. Just Solon's. Whatever kind of love it may be.
His heart seemed to only want whatever kind of love Solon would have to offer to him. If Solon even wanted to, that is.
"And if he doesn't? What would you do then?" And now he was criticizing his feelings like he was scolding a child.
Yes, what then? What then, Noa? You'll just keep giving him your heart anyway, that's what.
And so, a new problem arose. Confess now to get it out there, so that Solon could decide what to do from there, or keep it to himself, forever pining after someone he deemed impossible to reach. Literally forever.
He would die of heartbreak instead of living many more centuries like he would have been able to if he hadn't developed these feelings for Solon. His lips pushed into a pout, brows furrowing more and more the more he thought about it. Why did he have to go and complicate things for himself by catching feelings?
And why did it have to be for Solon?
Unapproachable, cold, closed-off Solon. Noa had spent centuries with him, but he was as aloof as he had ever been. Only sometimes does a warmth shine through. When he was playing around with the others, when he teased them. But Noa had gotten the feeling that Solon would never quite be comfortable around all of them.
Least of all Noa. With his similarly apathetic front, and his obvious crush. The youngest of the seven vampires. The least mature, seemingly, even after centuries. Perhaps Solon felt a sense of duty to appear unshakeable in front of Noa.
Regardless of the reason, he didn't like it anyway.
His moment of self pity and agonizing over his feelings and what he thought were Solon's feelings were brought to a screeching halt when the door opened.
He didn't have to look to see that it was Solon. His presence was familiar. Oh so familiar.
He remained in his slouched position, lips frozen in a pout, but his eyes flitted to Solon's tall and slender figure. Walking right towards him.
Why was he approaching him? And with that expression? Why did he look so serious? It was so different from his usual blank expression.
Maybe Noa was looking too deep into it. But he was confident in his knowledge of everyone's every little microexpression.
He had spent centuries observing them, after all. Especially Solon.
So when Solon kept his eyes locked on him, and walked straight towards him with that stare, it made him nervous. Usually he would approach Noa with a more relaxed, gentle and playful expression and body language.
Or just simply, not approach him at all.
Not with this... contemplative face. Like he was thinking as hard as Noa was. Like he had something to confess. Not his feelings, Noa wasn't going to he delusional about his lack of a chance with Solon, but rather... something else. Something more important.
As confused as Noa was, he folded his arms across his chest and kept pouting, slumping against the window even more. He wanted to brood. Whatever Solon had to say could wait. In fact, he could wait a few decades.
No. What? No. That's so immature. But... he wanted to be immature about this.
Just this once.
Solon could deal with it.
The elder vampire came to a stop in front of him, and as he did, his expression gradually became softer. His shoulders, however, were still tense. Noa just kept staring, silently trying to discern the situation.
Solon's gaze wavered first, dropping to the floor. He messed with his hair, in a way that Noa recognized as him feeling awkward.
"I know it seems like I like to mess with you..." He started, in a soft voice, his words echoing in the empty room. Noa scoffed a little at the sentence, immediately feeling bad as Solon quickly glanced at him almost sadly, with pursed lips. His gaze returned to the floor as he continued. "The others talked to me about it. Heli and Jaan in particular felt strongly about it."
"They said I should be... more careful with you. That I should pay more attention to... the effect I have... on you."
Heat rose through Noa, silently wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole. This can't be the thing he came to talk about. Solon, with his gaze now directed at the younger vampire, whose gaze had dropped to the floor, kept speaking.
"They said I should be more aware of how I make you feel."
It came out softly. Like he was taking pity on Noa.
No. Maybe? Maybe he felt somewhat similarly.
No.
That kind of hoping was unbearable. It was easier to think Solon was just pitying him. Made it easier to be silent and brooding and cold.
It was immature, Noa was aware. But if it helped keep his heart from breaking over and over, he was willing to let his image in Solon's eyes be an immature teenager.
"Noa?"
He didn't expect the jolt of electricity running down his spine when his name came out of Solon's mouth. In hindsight, it was obvious he would react that way. When the person you like (like and not love because Noa couldn't bare to admit to himself that he had fallen in love) says your name.
Softly. Warmly. Carefully.
What was he supposed to say? What was Solon expecting him to say, or do?
"Noa... you have feelings for me, don't you?"
There was a teasing lilt to his voice, a little bit of familiarity in this unnerving situation. Still, Noa's heart breaks. Teasing. Just teasing.
"So what?" Came his abrupt, cold reply. Shame washed over him like a bucket of cold water.
He risked a glance at Solon, to see the older vampire's lips pressing together tightly. Noa watched with careful eyes as the normally aloof and unshakeable Solon shifted awkwardly.
"You know, this is all new to me." Solon said, voice soft and quiet, like he was admitting to something embarrassing. Noa frowned. "It's new for me too. Even though I've felt like this for you for centuries now."
It just slipped out. Now he was the one embarrassed.
Solon just smiled, a small and private smile, with soft eyes staring warmly at Noa. It was new. This was new.
"All this time?" He sounded almost... shy.
Noa gulped and straightened up from his pose, before turning around. It was too new. He didn't know what to do or say. His heart was racing, red rushing to his cheeks and neck. It was so odd. So new.
He turned back around at the sound of Solon's chuckles. That was new too.
His gaze was still on Noa, still soft and warm, eyes narrowed and lips curved in a quiet laugh.
"What? What's so funny? Why are you looking at me like that?" Noa stuttered out, a little louder than he intended. He gulped again, hands shaking. What was happening?
Solon's expression fell. He stared off into the distance, shifting in his position again. Biting his lip, he said; "There's something you don't know about me, Noa. And... I want to keep you around longer. And it would be... for the best, if you didn't know certain things about me." He looked into Noa's eyes. "Is that alright?"
What?
So there really was something he was hiding from the rest of them. Noa frowned, eyebrows furrowing together. "What makes you think that would be for the best?" A question for a question. Solon smiled weakly. "Well... just... trust me. Please. That's all I can say."
Noa's expression relaxed. Though his hands shook, he stepped closer to Solon, shyly looking away from his gaze. He took Solon's hand in his shaking hand. "I do." He managed to say, swallowing his beating heart.
Solon squeezed his hand.
He wasn't unreachable. He was just scared. Noa could see that now. Whatever it was, he wanted to help ease that fear. But he couldn't put his feelings into words. Like always, his tongue felt like a deadweight in his mouth. So he didn't bother saying anything. He just hoped Solon could feel it.
Please. Please let him feel it.