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“The moment you want this to stop, say “kumquat,” and I will drop the connection,” Monoma says, his eyes focussed on Shinsou.
Shinsou feels a ripping over his mind, little pinpricks of control settling in, ready to be used to pop the bubble of control that Monoma has smoothed over him. It makes his heartbeat settle, the muscle starting to calm after the initial rush of adrenaline from losing control.
“Now, take a deep breath and relax.”
Monoma’s words sink into Shinsou’s skull, dripping down his spinal column and soothing his nerves. He breathes as he’s told, not that he has any choice, but that’s also not necessarily true. Monoma gave him an out, which he has to take should he need to. It’s just like what Shinsou does for Monoma. It’s strange, knowing that he will automatically tell Monoma that he’s uncomfortable instead of trying to suppress it. Despite how much of a passive face he puts on for his peers, there are times when just interacting with them makes him want to fade away into the background. Not the most heroic thing, but then again, he doesn’t want to be in the spotlight. He wants to be like Aizawa before all of the school's press releases, a hero known in footnotes instead of headlines.
“Doing okay?” Monoma asks as they sit on Shinsou’s bed, both crosslegged and in plain clothes instead of their school uniforms.
“Yes.” Shinsou’s voice comes out monotone, Monoma’s control thick enough that his personality can’t slip out. He had suspected it, seeing as Monoma has only used Shinsou’s quirk a few times. Letting up on the control and turning it into something that sits in the back of someone’s mind had taken Shinsou years to figure out; he knew Monoma wouldn’t be able to do the same, not without some practice.
“Do you want to continue?”
“Yes.” Shinsou wants to tell him to hurry up, that he’s wasting time, but there is no way to say that. Monoma told him to speak up when he feels like he wants to stop, not when he wants more.
Monoma smiles as he goes to sit against the head of the bed, taking a few moments to create a slight pile out of Shinsou’s pillows before leaning against them. He sits back with his legs spread out before he reaches for Shinsou.
“Come here.”
Shinsou gets up mechanically, moving efficiently in a way that feels strange. He does not slouch, his hands hang limp, and only his legs seem to be getting any sort of signal from his brain. The only time his torso moves is to balance him out, automatically recalibrating to ensure he can complete the command.
“So this is what it’s like,” he thinks to himself as he finds himself kneeling between Monoma’s legs, body unmoving. With how thick Monoma’s control is, implied movements are impossible, even if Shinsou’s pretty sure he knows what he would want.
“Right, specificity,” Monoma grumbles, seeming to understand exactly what Shinsou is thinking. “Okay, I want you to arrange yourself between my legs and on my torso until you are comfortable.”
The command is precise enough that Shinsou’s body can move almost normally. His shoulders slump as he turns around, settling his taller frame between Monoma’s legs before laying back against his chest. Shinsou shifts around a few times, his body finding the most comfortable position. He ends up with his head leaning back against Monoma’s right clavicle, the rest of him laid out against Monoma’s belly and between his legs. One of his arms is bent and propped up on Monoma’s thigh, while the other is draped over Shinsou’s upper belly.
“Good,” Monoma murmurs as he runs his fingers through Shinsou’s messy hair. They catch a little on some of the knots, but after they run through his hair a few times, they no longer get caught in the strands.
“How are you feeling?” he asks as Shinsou looks out into the room, eyes wanting to close but unable to do so without being given the go-ahead. The most he can do is blink; Monoma’s control is not so tight that he can’t perform subconscious reactions.
“Comfortable, sleepy, safe,” Shinsou replies, listing off the most prevalent feelings at the forefront of his mind. The last word doesn’t surprise him, but it seems to startle Monoma. His hand pauses in Shinsou’s hair, the fingers mid-pull.
“You feel safe?”
“Yes.” Shinsou feels the back of his jaw tighten slightly with the need to yawn, though he cannot.
“Why?”
Usually, Shinsou would have to pause and think about a question like that. Why does he feel safe with Monoma? With Monoma in control, though, his brain can’t get in the way. If Shinsou were in control, he would take the question and mull it over, spin it around, and look at it from every angle. Like this, however, it is as clear as freshly cleaned glass.
“Because it’s you.” There is no hesitation as he says it, body lax against the other as they lay on the bed, Monoma’s hands gently wrapped around his shoulders. Shinsou hears a little hitch in Monoma’s breath and feels his heart speed up against his back.
“You really mean that,” Monoma whispers behind him, the information sinking into him.
“Shinsou,” Monoma asks softly, “Can I drop the control?”
“Yes.” The veil immediately falls away, leaving Shinsou warm and lax against Monoma’s chest. It doesn’t last for long as feelings of self-consciousness settle in as he shifts, trying to find a place for the nervous energy to go.
“Shinsou,” Monoma says softly. “Look at me?”
Shinsou’s not sure if he means it to be a question, but the gentleness in his voice draws Shinsou’s eyes to him, making him crane his neck awkwardly so he can see Monoma. It’s an awkward angle, giving Monoma a double chin and slightly crosseyed. Shinsou’s heart thrums with warmth.
“I feel safe with you too,” Monoma says, eyes focussed fully on Shinsou. It makes Shinsou’s heart skip a beat, his body grows warm, and Shinsou finds they are too far apart. He sits up, turning as he does, and his mouth easily slots against Monoma’s. Peace and calm slip into him as their mouths lazily work against one another, their tongues flicking out now and again, but they don’t take the kiss past the safe warmth of just existing.
“Now, how do you feel?” Monoma asks when they finally break apart, Shinsou laying back against his chest.
“Like I love you,” Shinsou replies, his subconscious still seemingly in control. Both of them tense slightly, and Shinsou wonders if that was too fast.
“I...I don’t have control of you right now, right?” Monoma asks.
“No,” Shinsou replies, and his voice sounds small even to him.
“Good.” Monoma’s hands shift him, lifting his chin to look up at him, and Shinsou‘s mouth finds Monoma’s.
As Shinsou sinks into the heat of the other and lets it wrap around him, he realizes that maybe he doesn’t need Monoma to use his quirk against him to feel safe and relaxed. Perhaps he just needs Monoma.