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The night was cool and refreshing against Josephine's skin. The moon hung high and heavy above her, intense in the light it shone upon her and Skyhold. She leaned on the rough, cold stone of the battlements and closed her eyes. She untied her hair, running her fingers through the long, dark locks and sighing in relief as her scalp was finally able to breathe.
She gasped when she felt a warm hand land on her shoulder. Barely holding back the instincts she learned as a bard, she whipped her head around and saw Blackwall. He was smiling softly, comfortingly, his magnificent blue eyes warm and inviting, always so inviting-
“I apologize, my lady, I didn't mean to frighten you,” he rumbled in his low and deep voice. It always rolled through Josephine, warming her face, her stomach-
No, Josephine thought fiercely. Focus, Josephine, focus.
Josephine laughed weakly and said, “Oh no, it is alright. I was expecting you to come, I have no idea why I was scared at all.”
Blackwall's brow furrowed in concentration, his eyes scanning Josephine's face, giving nothing away. Josephine felt her body begin to sweat from nerves and fear. Her lips wanted to split into a giant grin, a nervous habit she's had since she became a diplomat, but she was able to fight the urge back into a small smile instead.
Blackwall's brow was still furrowed, face still the same, when he asked her in a low murmur, “Are you cold my lady?”
He shrugged out of his coat and placed it on her shoulders before Josephine even had a chance to protest.
Josephine's throat struggled to mumble out a 'thank you' to him. She wrapped her arms around herself and pulled his coat further around herself. The heavily insulated coat warmed her immediately, and she instinctively buried herself as deep as she could into his coat. His scent permeated through the coat, smoke and musk and the faint scent of a simple soap. She felt a solid pressure surround her body. Her arms were trapped the his coat by two large and solid ones. His body was so warm and he was so close. Josephine was surprised that she didn't faint from overheating.
He pressed his face against her throat, kissing the soft skin while rumbling into her skin, “You look so stunning like this; under the moon, wrapped in my coat, covered in my scent. So damn gorgeous.”
Josephine shivered and bit down on a moan but couldn't stop her head tilting instinctively to give him more room. She felt his arm move around her waist, pulling her back to his chest further. His hand held itself around her, locking her to him, and Josephine was certain that her lip was bleeding from biting down so hard for so long. He was gliding along her neck, licking and sucking and biting, his beard scratching her skin and Josephine's head was swimming, her-
What was she doing? She called him out here to talk to him, how did she let herself get so carried away?
“B-Blackwall,” she said, hoping and trying for it to come out as firm and authoritative but it came out as a breathless whimper. She could feel him growl against her skin and Maker preserve her she could feel him getting hard behind her.
She wriggled and said in a firm and urgent voice, “Blackwall!”
He immediately released her, stepping back and putting space between them. She turned, his coat falling on the ground beneath them. He was hunched over, face in his hands, and Josephine could hear him taking big and shaky breaths.
“P-Please forgive me, Josephine,” he said, voice unsteady and low, “I am a base creature that deserves the Void.”
“Blackwall, no, please, I just...” Josephine sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose. She knew this was going to be difficult, she just believed she would have better control of herself.
She looked over at Blackwall. He was still hunched over with his hands over his face, but his breathing calmed down considerably. She assumed that he just had too much shame to look at her.
She walked over to Blackwall and stood in front of him. She rested her hand on his upper back.
“Blackwall, look at me. Please,” she whispered.
He made no move to look at her or even to stand. He remained as still as a statue, as if he was terrified that she would do… something to him if he moved. What that something was, she had no idea.
“Please, Blackwall, please look at me,” she pleaded in a stronger voice.
“I'm… I'm afraid to, my lady,” he answered in a quiet and unsteady whisper.
Her eyebrows rose in surprise and she asked, “Afraid? Why are you afraid?”
He turned his head up slightly, just enough for him to look at her through his lashes. His blue eyes, normally kind and warm and with an underlying desire he could never rid himself of around her, were heavy with pain and sorrow as he stared at her. Her eyes grew wide and she barely swallowed her gasp of surprise over his sadness.
“I am afraid, because I know why you called me out here.”
Josephine clenched her eyes and jaw and furrowed her brow in pain. Of course he knew. She was an idiot for underestimating his intelligence. She felt him stand, her hand moving slightly under his shifting, but she couldn't bear to look at him now.
“I can see from your face that my assumption was correct,” he said.
“I am so sorry, Blackwall. I want to be with you. I really and truly want to...”
She finally opened her eyes and stared at him, her eyes watering as she stared at the sadness within his own. She gently cupped his face with her hand and he reached up and grasped her hand, holding it against his face.
“I want to believe that we can be in a world where we can be together, but I have my family to think about, to worry over. My parents will most likely make me marry a noble for the good of the family, so that we can gain our great status back once again. They will never approve of us, especially since Wardens are sterile.”
She felt him wince at the reminder of his sterility, and she brought her other hand up to try and comfort him.
“I am so, so sorry, Blackwall.”
He was silent for a long while, shaking with the effort to remain collected and calm.
“It is alright, my lady. I knew, deep down, that this day would come, sooner or later. I just prayed with all my might that it would come later,” he finally answered in a wavering rumble.
She was breaking his heart to pieces, and she knew she needed to break what they had, but she couldn't resist the powerful urge to try and comfort him. She kissed his cheek, soft and chaste, and he jerked his head out of her hands, rubbing the area she kissed. He looked to be in pure agony.
“Please, my lady, please leave. I will be fine, in time, but not if you continue to show me affection.”
Josephine bit her lip and stared at her feet. He was right. She needed to leave before both of their resolves broke.
“I hope we can be friends, in time, when the pain finally goes away,” she whispered before she walked swiftly back to her office. She would not cry in front of him.
She failed to not stain important paperwork with her tears that night. For once in her life, she did not care.