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"How dare you!" Octavia spit out venomously as she slapped Jasper across the face.
"Ow!" Jasper sucked in his breath, cupping his newly-slapped face in confusion. "How dare I... ask you on a date..?"
"Yeah, you jerk," Octavia growled, a look of extreme disgust slowly transforming her face, "how dare you try to cheat on Monty with me!"
Jasper's mind went blank and somewhere, far away in the distance, a bird flew into a glass window, exploded into a million pieces, and had a heartfelt funeral.
"What?"
Monty held his sides, doubled over in laughter. "Octavia-- Octavia thought--" he tried to talk but he was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe, "thought that we--" he wheezed.
"Shut up, asshole," Jasper shot back, pouting.
Out of Jasper's 17 years of living, Monty had been his best friend for 16 of them; and that was only because Monty had the audacity to be born a few months after him. They were closer than most friends (the "best" in best friends really went far), maybe, but this was the first time their relationship had been misinterpreted so drastically.
"Jasper--" Monty choked on his laughter, "she turned you down because-- pff--"
"I swear to god, Monty," Jasper tackled Monty, tickling his sides, biting back his own smile of amusement at how hard Monty was laughing (because, even if he couldn't get the girl, Jasper decided, at least he got to see Monty stupidly entertained).
"No!" Monty cried, "Jasper, don't--" he broke out laughing even more uncontrollably, unable to get away from Jasper tickling him, tears of laughter rolling down his cheeks.
"Don't mess with me, Green," Jasper smiled behind his empty threat, satisfied by Monty's defeated giggling.
The next day at school was difficult, especially during physics. Jasper fidgeted in his seat; Octavia was sitting at the desk to his left and Monty was sitting at his right.
"Dude, chill," Monty whispered, elbowing Jasper in his side, "just tell her it was a misunderstanding."
"Right, right," Jasper nodded, rubbing at his neck, nervously scratching at the collar of his shirt.
Suddenly, Octavia seemed 20 miles away.
"Octavia," Jasper awkwardly croaked after 75 years of gathering every ounce of composure he could possibly find within himself, "hey, Octavia, I just wanted to let you know that me and Monty aren't dating, it was a misunderstanding--" he started but then was cut off by the swift turning of Octavia's head, her judging gaze boring holes into his face.
'Ok, fair,' Jasper thought to himself, sweating nervously, 'I'd judge anyone who thought about cheating on Monty, too.'
"I don't think your feelings for Monty are a misunderstanding, Jasper," Octavia said loudly, in her normal person voice.
The class subsequently started murmuring and Jasper plopped his head on his desk, letting out a frustrated sigh, while Monty covered his face in embarrassment.
They were promptly excused (kicked out of) class.
Monty was (weirdly?) beautiful: his hair looked soft and shiny and fell effortlessly across his forehead. Looking at him quickly he looked kind of small but, in actuality, he was pretty lean. He had nice arms, smooth skin, a killer jawline, and a cute, earnest smile.
"Hey," Jasper broke the silence, unabashedly staring at Monty who was focusing on his homework, "are you considered hot?"
Monty dropped his pen. "What?"
"Like, since people think we're dating now, are you considered a catch? Did I do good?" Jasper asked thoughtfully, resting his chin in his hand.
Monty blinked. "Duh, you dumbass," he scoffed and pushed Jasper off the couch, "you better fight off my millions of suitors and cherish me or I'll dump you," he teased and laughed and even from Jasper's new spot on the floor, he thought Monty's smile was radiant (?).
And when Monty ruffled Jasper's hair and told him to do his homework, Jasper felt (weirdly?) content.
Dating-but-not-dating Monty quickly became a playfully elaborate inside joke.
"Let me get that for you," Jasper said as he pulled up to the school parking lot, quickly hopping out of the car to open Monty's door for him. "My dear," Jasper winked as he lead Monty out from the car.
"Wow, what a gentleman, I'm swooning," Monty quipped sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
Jasper grabbed at Monty's hand to hold it while they walked down the hall and when Monty pulled away, Jasper feigned sadness.
"I'm sorry I came on too strong, babe," Jasper apologized at lunchtime (and Monty tried desperately not to laugh at the pet name because this joke was serious, of course), "but to make up for it I got you this."
In front of Monty, Jasper laid out a lunch tray with a burger on it with "LUV U" messily written out in ketchup on the bun.
"I spent, like, my whole allowance on it and hired an artist to do the typography," Jasper wiggled his eyebrows and slicked back his hair with his hand.
Monty almost spit, covering his face, trying not to bust out laughing. "I hate ketchup. We're over!" he let out a muffled giggle and Jasper smiled fondly at Monty's amusement.
(Their times hanging out became "dates" and they took turns paying for each other and shared food and took photos together, all for fun but actually having fun, and even though they'd been practically spending their whole lives together up until this point, Jasper had never realized how much he loved Monty's laugh: the type of laugh that accompanied a dimpled smile, the kind that made Jasper feel light and airy and happy.)
(And when Jasper started to geniunely plan "dates" for them because he picked up on the things Monty enjoyed doing and liked the way Monty smiled at him and the way Monty sighed in contentment and sat closer to Jasper than he used to, radiating warmth, feeling a weird satisfaction just from Monty's presence, Jasper figured it didn't really mean anything. It was just an elaborate joke, afterall.)
Jasper thought Monty's laugh and appearance went well together: gentle and genuine. Despite Monty's overall introverted demeanor, anyone who was close to him would know (and Jasper prided himself on being close to Monty because he was so well-rounded: smart, caring, funny, beautiful, wonderful, wait, where was this thought going?) that he had an underlying fiery streak inside him yet, when it came down to it, Monty was the sweetest and most reliable person Jasper had ever met.
So when more rumors about them spread, Jasper didn't care because he had a strange sense of pride thinking anyone would even think someone as great as Monty would even consider dating him.
"Hey, Mont, does it bother you?" Jasper asked about the rumors (in which half the class believed them but the other half didn't).
Monty shook his head. "Nah. I guess you're not the worst Not Actual Boyfriend, like, what if it was rumors about me and Murphy?"
"Oh god," Jasper groaned and he widened his eyes theatrically, "I'd kill him if he even got close enough to you for there to be rumors!"
Monty stifled his laugh (and Jasper thought maybe Monty trying not to laugh was as entertaining as his actual laugh), "Have fun being murdered first, then! You wouldn't stand a chance."
"Well, it's a good thing I'm the only candidate running in the election to win your heart, then," Jasper replied, nudging Monty in the side.
"Yeah," Monty said quietly, looking away, "there's no competition."
About a month into their Elaborate Dating Joke, things were going pretty smoothly.
Until Jasper tried to ask out another girl.
And she said yes.
"She said 'yes!'" Jasper exclaimed as he busted through the door to Monty's room, "Maya said she'd go out with me tonight!"
Monty dropped his phone with a loud crack. "Oh, shit--! Uh, er, what? Maya? Congrats, man," he smiled (but it was a weird smile because Jasper didn't feel anything and it seemed almost forced but, Jasper decided, if he had just broken his phone, he wouldn't have been happy, either).
"Sorry about your phone, Mont. Is it broken?" Jasper asked and shifted closer to Monty, who (ever-so-slightly) moved away (which Jasper wouldn't normally have noticed before this whole Dating Debacle because he never cared about how warm Monty felt next to him until then, not that he cared about it now, or anything).
"It's just the screen, no worries," Monty pushed his phone away (and for a second Jasper could have sworn Monty was avoiding eye contact with him), "so, details! Maya's totally hot, how much did you pay her to go out with you?"
Jasper feigned insult and Monty stuck out his tongue and after that things might have been normal (if it wasn't for the weird longing Jasper had to feel Monty's warmth closer to him because he couldn't get it out of his head, not that he needed it but it was comforting, maybe, or something, but whatever, semantics).
"What's wrong?" Maya whispered, gently placing her hand on Jasper's arm, "You're not even watching the movie."
Jasper blinked and looked around, suddenly realizing he had zoned out. Currently, he was at a movie with Maya--his date--and then they were going to dinner after.
"Oh, sorry," he panicked, slightly distracted by his own distraction, unsure why he was nervous? uncomfortable? inattentive? "I think I might think this movie's a little boring. How many times are they gonna makeout until the gratuitous violence starts?"
"Japser!" Maya giggled (and she was adorable, lightly touching her lips, her eyes sparkling), "This is a rom-com."
"I know," Jasper smiled out of habit but there was a weird twinge in his chest, a feeling he couldn't quite recognize.
Maya took his hand affectionately, holding it gently for the remainder of the movie, and Jasper swore at himself, ashamed for barely noticing it, for being distracted, for not understanding why, for wanting to blush at their contact but instead wishing her hand was warmer, for feeling like he was stuck in some hazy, surreal dream and what the hell was this feeling in his chest?
To: Monty
From: Jasper
"wish u were here do u miss me jk my wallet is so happy and full w/o u"
"bc u eat a lot"
"i feel like im cheating on u lol"
"dude mayo is soooo in2 me rn im charmin da heckiez outta her she is cute"
"*maya"
From: Monty
To: Jasper
"Lol she's not gonna like you if you keep texting me while you're on a date you tool"
"Have fun, Jas"
"Jasper?"
Jasper quickly shoved his phone into his pocket. "Hm? Sorry," he adjusted the collar of his shirt and smoothed down his pants, "I was telling Monty that you were cute."
Maya giggled and smiled, a slight blush coloring her cheeks and the twinge in Jasper's chest returned.
He rubbed at his chest nervously (oh! Heartburn, maybe?) and proceeded to joke about how the waiter looked like Ganondorf and Link's love-child (?) and talked about how the better the composition of prepared food the more he wanted to eat it (??), and Maya laughed, charmed by his silly jokes and Jasper felt like he was on top of the world.
Or, well, he should have felt that way, anyway.
(He didn't.)
"This was fun, thanks for taking me out," Maya said as Jasper walked her back to her place.
She pulled him close and kissed him sweetly on the cheek and waved goodbye, shutting the door to her house and, in that moment, Jasper suddenly felt cold and wished that he was with Monty because if it was Monty everything would be comfortable and fine and warm--
There was a sharp pain and Jasper thought his chest was going to explode.
"What the hell?"Jasper rubbed his chest a little more frantically, suddenly feeling lightheaded and weirdly clammy and oh shit, was he dying?
(Jasper didn't remember much after that, but he did remember somehow making it to Monty's house, hearing a muffled "what's wrong, what happened, Jasper!?" and falling into bed.)
When Jasper came to, he blinked away the dull light of a desk lamp and took in his surroundings: he was in (Monty's) bed, at (Monty's) home, with a damp rag on his head, surrounded by the slight smell of medicinal herbs. Monty had pulled up a chair and fell asleep, leaning over onto the bed.
Jasper rubbed his chest. The weird twinge was gone and he felt relieved.
"Hey, casanova," Monty stirred awake, noticing Jasper, "what happened on your date to make you come home with an insane fever?" Monty shook his head, "Er, nevermind, maybe I don't wanna know," he pressed his hand against Jasper's forehead, radiating heat, and Jasper relaxed into it. Monty laughed softly and his voice became gentle and Jasper felt a fondness growing inside him because Monty's brand of gentleness always felt different from anyone else's (a mixture of trust and affection), "How are you feeling?"
"Better, now that you're here," Jasper grinned tiredly and Monty rolled his eyes (but his rolling eyes couldn't hide his smile).
"Just rest," Monty instructed as he swept Jasper's hair out of his eyes, his fingers lightly brushing against Jasper's skin and Jasper sighed because the light, airy feeling he felt whenever Monty was around replaced the awful past twinge in his chest and he drifted back to sleep, knowing Monty was close to him.
(When Jasper had dreams that night, he dreamed about Monty.)
There was a moment in the middle of the night when Jasper woke up again and, this time, Monty was laying next to him. Monty smelled like peppermint and pine and comfort and in a moment of weakness, Jasper touched Monty's hand and intertwined their fingers, the softness of Monty's skin making Jasper blush on contact and he felt a wave of relief because finally, finally the warmth he wanted was right there in his hand and Jasper thought, for the first time, that he actually felt like he was on top of the world.
And in that moment, when his breath hitched behind his throat and the light, airy feeling exploded inside him, and he saw Monty sleeping near him peacefully, beautifully, softly, and he became overcome with affection, Jasper knew he'd somehow fallen in love with Monty.
Jasper woke up to an expected coldness. Monty had gone and Jasper sat up, massaging his head, the remnants of a fever and strange revelations of love lingering behind.
"Well, look who's finally awake," Monty interrupted Jasper's thoughts, entering the room carrying a tray presumably with breakfast on it, "I could hear your stomach growling in your sleep. It was disgusting," Monty laughed.
Jasper felt his heart rate pick up, suddenly (even more) painfully aware of Monty's laugh, his smile, his everything, of Monty coming over and sitting near him, of Monty's warmth (always).
"Jas?"
"Yeah," Jasper croaked, his voice cracking, and when he smoothed out his hair and adjusted his sitting position to make room for Monty next to him, he noticed a look of concern wash over Monty's face. "Yeah, sorry, I'm fine, I just--" (realized I'm in love with you) "uh-- you didn't make this, did you?" he lost his composure, focusing his attention on the breakfast Monty brought him instead. "You should've just woken me up, is the kitchen in shambles? Are we living in the apocalypse right now? Monty, lives could have been spared if you'd have just let me cook, instead!"
Monty smacked Jasper on the shoulder, "Shut up, asshole, I'm not that bad."
And when they both giggled about it and Jasper took his plate of food and saw that Monty messily wrote "LUV U" in ketchup on the (burnt) (extremely burnt) eggs he had made, Jasper felt his heart swell.
(With that, Jasper knew he was screwed because he felt like he needed to be close to Monty, he wanted to be warm and comfortable and he wanted Monty but he couldn't just casually tell his best friend he was in love with him, he couldn't--)
"You're not bad at all," Jasper started, relentlessly trying to swallow the dry lump that was forming in his throat, trying to stop himself from spilling all his love-and-affection-related guts, "you're kind of a catch."
(He mentally kicked himself for already failing.)
"Kind of? I already told you I am. But," Monty cleared his throat, "I'll let you go for Maya. So, consider this a break-up breakfast," Monty laughed and Jasper felt like all the air was sucked out of his lungs because Monty's "laugh" just then sounded fake or forced and weird and just not Monty and it made him feel cold and uncomfortable.
"No," Jasper said suddenly with urgency, surprising himself with his own outburst, a strange mix of emotions flooding his brain the moment he realized Monty thought he'd picked Maya over him.
"No?"
"That's not what I meant. I mean... I don't-- Monty--" Jasper stuttered, rubbing his eyes and head out of frustration, quickly losing his resolve to fight back his feelings.
Monty shifted closer to him, pushing the tray of food away, and took one of Jasper's hands into his own, gently leading it away from Jasper's eyes (and the sensation of warmth Jasper felt from Monty's hand shot through him like electric), taking his other hand and pressing it against Jasper's forehead. "What is it?" Monty asked (and Jasper felt embarrassed that Monty was concerned for him when he was just being in love), "Your head is still a little warm. We should go to the doctor--"
"No, Monty--" the urgency in Jasper's voice returned, rising.
"What's with you? You're scaring me--" Monty started.
"I want it to be real," Jasper cut him off, exhaling, his heart pounding from the quick confession.
"What?"
"Us, I mean... dating--" Jasper felt his face burning pink and slowly Monty's eyes started to open wider, "I was thinking, I wished we were dating for real."
Monty was silent and in Jasper's head he celebrated 56 of his own birthdays and sent 2 of his kids to college because the silence felt long and awkward.
"You," Jasper spat out and he mentally punched himself for not being able to use words correctly, "I mean, I like you-- I love you-- I mean, duh, you know that, we're best friends," (he laughed nervously, pathetically) "but I mean I'm in love with you--"
"Jasper," Monty whispered.
Jasper held his breath.
"Are you... are you sure?" Monty asked quietly and Jasper almost didn't hear him.
For a second, Jasper stared at Monty: he was avoiding eye contact, unconfidently picking at his sleeve, his face flushed with color, biting his bottom lip nervously.
"Yeah," Jasper said with confidence, a confidence he didn't even realize he had (but it made sense because this was about Monty and Monty needed to know now because he shouldn't have to look that unconfident in front of Jasper, of all people), "I think you're amazing," Jasper swallowed, "and wonderful and," (his face felt like it was on fire, the blush ringing in his ears) "I like how you smile and when you laugh it feels like, like--" Jasper grabbed at his shirt, remembering the light, airy feeling when Monty was near him, "like, when you float in the water and it's nice and comfortable, or something, and I like that you're warm and soft and I wish we could be close all the time because even now I'm thinking about it and," (he was rambling but he felt like his feelings were leaping out of him) "I didn't realize it before because I just didn't know, I dunno, I'm stupid, and you make me feel good and happy and warm and, by the way, I think you're hot, I decided that wh--"
And quickly, suddenly (finally), Jasper was cut off from speaking because Monty was pulling him close, kissing him, startling him, and Jasper felt like he'd just been electrocuted or thrown into the sun or something because the warmth he felt whenever Monty was close to him was intensified by 734%. And for a kiss that happened so suddenly it felt so slow and gentle and Monty's lips were soft and warm (like the rest of him) to the point where Jasper wasn't sure if his heart could take it (please, please don't explode), so Jasper touched Monty's face affectionately, approvingly, deepening their kiss, revelling in the fact that Monty was returning his feelings. Monty was returning his feelings.
"It's fine," Monty said between breaths after breaking the kiss between them, "I get it."
Jasper breathed, feeling deflated, exhaling breaths he didn't even know he was inhaling; and when he saw Monty's cheeks as pink as his lips, the slight (shy?) smile on his face, Jasper relaxed. "Then why'd you stop?" he asked cheekily (on instinct because his mind went blank, already in a daze, feeling overwhelmed by the returning of the light, airy feeling in his chest).
Monty laughed and Jasper sighed in relief and his whole body melted at the sound of Monty laughing affectionately, genuinely, as he should be.
Jasper leaned in, initiating another kiss, but Monty stopped him. "I meant it, you know," he said.
"Meant what?" Jasper asked, moving on to nuzzle into the side of Monty's neck, already starting to wrap his arms around him.
"The message on the eggs," Monty mumbled awkwardly.
"Oh my god," Jasper bursted out laughing, "you're so lame!"
"Screw you! I take it back, I'm definitely not in love with you, I'd have to be crazy to date you--" Monty spit back.
"Mmhm," Jasper smiled and he kissed Monty, pulling him close, finally, satisfyingly, becoming emersed in the sensation of warmth.
And when Monty breathed "I love you" inbetween kisses, Jasper thought that maybe he found something he liked hearing even more than Monty's laugh.