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Josh is dancing. Tyler doesn’t even know the song playing from the tv, but he smiles at the awkward way Josh’s body moves, his feet sliding on the floor in his long socks. He lets Josh pull him into the space in front of the window by the hands, and he dances with him even though his limbs are too skinny and graceless. They’re only on the third floor and the streetlights are coming on outside their hotel, late night business signs flickering into life like whatever it is that’s blooming in Josh’s eyes when he smiles back at Tyler.
x
They share one bed, Mark and Michael are in the other across the room. They chastise in annoyed stage whispers when Josh and Tyler giggle and move around too much. Josh can just about see Tyler’s crooked bottom teeth when he laughs, the glint of his eyes. The over-starched sheets rustle when their limbs tangle. They could close the few inches between their lips easily, but they just rest against the pillow and share each other’s breath.
x
They only go too far once, one night when the rest of the crew are down in the hotel restaurant. Josh hopes it’s not because Tyler is just lonely, Tyler doesn’t want to think at all. Their bodies bracket each other underneath clean white sheets, a jagged humming in their veins and ragged breaths passed from one mouth to another. Tyler holds onto Josh’s arms like he’s drowning. Josh shakes under Tyler’s fingers.
x
Josh swears it’s not just the oxytocin. Then again, Josh swore earlier that he wouldn’t fall like this, wouldn’t end up needing Tyler to be complete. Everyone jokes that Tyler and Josh are a package deal, friendship goals, two halves of a whole.
Tyler’s new girlfriend sits between them on the tour bus couch. She smiles at the lyrics Tyler shyly shows her; he once told Josh he’d never write a song about somebody else.
x
They never seem to be alone anymore, always someone to see any small touch or to hear anything above a whisper. And Josh whispers, tears silent in the dark as his hand clings to Tyler’s beneath the sheets, “Maybe we could go – the hotel stairs -"
And Tyler murmurs, “Ssh. Ssh.”
He quiets Josh with a soft slight kiss against his lips. His face is withdrawn in the sudden glow from his phone, illuminated by a message from Jenna.
x
Tyler is smaller, but he folds himself around Josh when Josh says he’s cold even with the blankets. Soon they won’t have to share hotel rooms, let alone hotel beds. When they’re not touring they won’t share anything.
Tyler lets Josh pretend, just for tonight. He plays along with fingertips on ribs like piano keys, drawing higher notes from vocal chords. Tyler tells himself that it’s only for tonight.