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When James was five years old, he fell in love with the girl next door.
She was also five, though she was older than James and made sure he knew it. Their parents sat around hiding smiles behind their hands and glasses of lemonade as they watched the two of them explore the Potter's expansive backyard hand in hand.
It was a Tuesday afternoon when James walked up to his parents, dragging the little girl behind him, and declared that he was going to marry her. She emphatically nodded behind him.
Mia Potter leaned forward, elbows on her knees and looked at them both with a serious expression. "Well, darlings. Marriage is a big commitment, and you're so young. Are you certain?"
James nodded, no laughter in his usually playful, face. "Yes, mum. We promised."
The little girl nodded. "He's my best friend, and I love him. I think that being married to my best friend could be really fun."
Mia smiled at them kindly. "I think so, too." She sat back, exchanging a look with the other parents. "Well, unfortunately you're too young to get married. Marriage vows are a big promise, so you have to be an adult to get married."
James furrowed his brows seriously, and all the adults bit back grins. "Well, alright, but we are getting married as soon as we are adults."
Mia tilted her head in consideration. "Well. You'll still be in school when you become adults, so maybe not right away. How about five years after you become adults?"
The little girl gasped. "Five years! That's FOREVER! I'm already five and a half. I can't wait five more years."
Mia pursed her lips, hiding her smile. "Good point. But you still have to wait a bit. How about two years? That's nothing. Two years is still a baby."
James exchanged a look with the little girl, and they both shrugged. "Alright, two years, but not any longer."
Mia nodded. "Deal."
They ran off playing again, and the adults joked about picking out wedding colors and saving for a dress. Would she still want butterfly clips in her hair? Would James willingly wear dress shoes?
Would they remember their promise to each other in fifteen years time?
James told the little girl about magic–the real kind, the kind that could turn a teacup into a mouse and back. The little girl laughed and said she could do magic too, because she could make flowers bloom. James told her that was gardening, not magic, but promised he would show her the real kind one day.
They were devastated when they found out that the little girl would have to move away. Her dad got a new job in a different place, and they would have to live far away. When the adults told them, they ran away to their secret spot behind the Potter's tool shed to make a life together.
It only lasted until Monty came to ask if they wanted some juice and biscuits. (They did.) When James came back with his arms loaded, he also pulled his mother's wand out of his trouser pocket. He wanted to show the little girl real magic before she left.
James managed to get sparks to come out of the wand, and he levitated a biscuit off the ground for a few teetering seconds before it fell again. The little girl giggled and asked to try, but James told her it wouldn't work for her since she was a muggle. She accepted the answer with a thoughtful expression.
"Do you think magic could keep us together?" She grabbed his hand again. "I don't want them to separate us. Who will I play with?"
"I bet there will be loads of kids at your new house. You'll have loads of friends." James twirled his wand between his fingers. "Oh! Wait! Maybe magic can help us!"
"Really? How?"
"Well, marriage vows are a big promise, right?" The little girl nodded. "There's a spell that is a big promise that no one can make you break. It's called an unthinkable vow."
"And that will keep us together?"
"No one can make us break it." James grabbed her hand. "Want to do it?"
The little girl shrugged. "Alright."
They linked their hands together, and James tapped them with the wand. "Do you promise to marry me two years after we become adults?"
"I promise." Gold bands shot out of the wand and braided around their hands.
James tapped their hands again, and the gold band became taut and glowed bright. A moment later the glow faded and they let their hands go.
"Now, no matter what, they can never keep us apart." James smiled as he tucked the wand away.
The little girl smiled. "Never."
Two days later, the little girl's family moved away, and James was sad, but not heartbroken. His parents asked him about it one night at dinner.
"I miss her, but it's fine." James took another bite of chicken. "She promised to marry me."
Mia and Monty smiled. "Of course, darling. Though you may not see her again before then. She's a muggle, and I don't even know how we would contact them."
James shook his head, spearing another green bean. "Doesn't matter. We made an unthinkable vow."
Monty laughed. "Oh? And what's an unthinkable vow?"
James waved his for around. "You know. An unthinkable vow. Magic and gold cords wrapped around our hands."
All laughter died away as his parents looked at him. Mia leaned in closer. "An unbreakable vow, Jamie?"
James lit up. "Yeah! That one!"
Monty and Mia called in several considerable favors to get the best experts to come consult on the case. It was finally Albus Dumbledore who came and was able to see traces of the vow on James's arm. The adults discussed whether it was possible to break it, and James cried.
Dumbledore sat back in his chair, pressing his long fingers together in front of his face. "I do not believe we need to worry. While the boy has cast the charm, it is not effective when binding muggles. There's no reason to be concerned."
Monty and Mia breathed a deep sigh of relief. There was no reason to be concerned if it didn't work on muggles.
Little Lily Evans was certainly a muggle.
James couldn’t help but bounce in his brand new shiny shoes, which made his brand new black robes dance around him. He was at Hogwarts (finally), lined up to try on the Sorting Hat, and soon, everyone would know that he was a true Gryffindor, just like his dad.
“Evans, Lily.”
The name jerked him out of his excitement and made him fall back hard on his heels. He knew that name, but it was like something out of a distant memory. So long ago that he had honestly believed he made her up, imagined her to be real when he was home and lonely.
Was she really real?
He watched a redhead girl walk up onto the dais, and when she turned around and sat on the seat, he knew instantly that she was real, and far more than an imaginary friend. He wasn’t sure what to do, now. What did you do when your long lost best friend who you were half convinced was a ghost was suddenly twenty steps away from you?
The hat sat on her head for only a moment before it exploded with “Gryffindor!” She walked to the table along the far side of the hall, a bright smile on her face. She didn’t even glance at him. Did she know he was here too?
He tried to pay attention to the sorting, but honestly, he struggled to focus on anything other than Lily. He was so distracted that Professor McGonagall had to call his name twice. He walked to the front and sat on the little stool. Just before the hat that McGonagall placed on his head fell over his eyes, he met Lily’s eyes across the room and saw the recognition there.
She remembers me.
“Oh ho ho. Well you are set for an interesting path in life, my boy, aren’t you?”
“I… am?”
“Oh, yes. Great things, I think, are what we can expect from you. And a capacity to love like very few display at such a young age.”
James wrinkled his nose. “Ew.”
The hat chuckled. “Not just romantic love, Mr. Potter. You seem to have genuine affection for people.”
“I do?”
“Yes, and I think you will be a benefit to those around you, if you allow yourself to be. Well, no point in delaying this, eh? You definitely belong in–”
“GRYFFINDOR!”
James hurried to the table under the loud roar of cheers and sat right next to Lily. He smiled at her warmly. “Hi. I didn’t expect to see you.”
She looked at him with furrowed brows. “Why would you expect to see me? We’ve never met.”
“What? Of course we have. Don’t you remember–”
“You must have confused me with someone else.” She turned back to watch the sorting again. “I’m a muggleborn. I only know one person here, and it’s not you.”
James didn’t press the issue, but he didn’t understand. He was sure it was her, and he was so sure she had recognized him. What was he supposed to do next?
Mum and Dad,
Guess what! I’m in GRYFFINDOR! I knew I would be, just like dad. Gryffindor Tower is the best. I already have a favorite seat in the common room. It’s the couch right under the window in the corner, right next to the fireplace. There’s always someone there to talk to, and it reminds me a bit of the couch in our library at home.
The boys in my dorm are great. I met Sirius on the train, and he thought that he was going to be in Slytherin like all the rest of his family, but he’s not! He’s in Gryffindor! He’s super worried about his parents being mad, but I told him that his parents definitely love him and won’t be mad just because he’s in another house. That’s a stupid reason to be mad at your kid. Do you know Orion and Walburga Black? If you do, maybe you could mention that he’s worried so they could send him a nice letter.
There are two other boys, too. Remus is quiet and reads a lot. Sometimes it’ll seem like he’s not paying attention to us talking, but he’ll say something that makes us all laugh so hard. I think he might have grown up without any siblings too and doesn’t know quite how to play with us yet, but I think he’ll be a really good friend. There’s also Peter. He’s so funny, and he has so many great ideas for pranks! He’s going to help us…
You know what, I’m just kidding. We aren’t planning on playing any pranks. We would never.
Classes are okay. I’ve been to a couple. Already have homework.
Well, off to hang out with the lads. Will write more soon.
James.
P.S. Do you remember the little girl next door? The one I played with? She’s here, but she doesn’t seem to remember me.
James and Lily were pulled out of morning Charms class by a stern looking McGonagall, and James wondered what exactly they had done to earn missing class. He glanced at Lily as they walked down the hallway behind McGonagall, but she wouldn’t meet his eye. Instead, she raised her head a little higher and harrumphed slightly. James scoffed. He didn’t know what her problem with him was.
McGonagall led them to a large stone gargoyle. “Licorice Wands.” The gargoyle sprang to life, and a rotating staircase appeared in front of them. James followed Lily and McGonagall onto it.
When they reached the landing at the top, McGonagall knocked on the large wooden door with a resounding bang. “Enter,” a raspy voice replied, and McGonagall swung the door open.
James was surprised to find his parents and another man and woman who looked vaguely familiar and a lot like Lily (her parents, he thought). Dumbledore had the ever-present twinkle in his eye, but the remaining adults in the room looked quite severely at them.
Were they in trouble?
“Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans. So good of you to join us.” Dumbledore waved his wand, and two additional chairs appeared in front of his desk–right next to each other, with their parents sitting one either side of them. “Please, sit.”
Lily quickly moved to take her seat, and James rolled his eyes at her eagerness. He moved, albeit slower, over to sit by his mother on the far edge of his seat away from Lily. Dumbledore appeared to be suppressing a smile.
“I want to assure you both that you’re not in trouble.” Dumbledore tented his fingers on the desk in front of him. “However, we need to carefully examine the matter before us. I don’t want either of you to come to harm, so we need to carefully examine what happened."
Lily looked at him in confusion. “What matter? Why would we come to harm?”
Dumbledore sighed. “Well, Ms. Evans, it started when you and Mr. Potter were children.”
When they were released a short time later, James followed Lily down the stairs. She raced down the hallway ahead of him–not fast enough to actually lose him, but fast enough that she wasn’t walking with him. After a while, he heard a sound that he thought was a sniff, and he wondered how long she had been crying.
“Oi, Evans!”
He saw her shoulders tense, but she stopped and let him catch up to her. Her eyes were red, and her face a little wet, but she didn’t appear to be crying. “That whole thing is crazy, isn’t it?”
Lily looked at him with frustration. “Crazy?”
“Yeah, isn’t it? I mean, who knew we’d have to get married, right?”
“Well, you must have.”
James looked at her blankly. "I didn't."
Lily scoffed and turned to walk away with her arms crossed. "I'm so sure."
"I didn't!" He was running after her now. "I didn't know that the spell would do that! I'm just as much a victim here as you are."
Lily wiped her cheeks. "Are you? Did you just get told that you would die if you didn't marry someone you hate?"
James stopped walking. "You hate me?"
Lily spun to face him. "Yes, Potter, I hate you. I hate you, and everything about you, and apparently I have to marry you anyway or I'm going to die." From the way she said it, James wondered if that was a preferable option. She covered her face with her hands. "Please don't tell anyone. I know I can't make you, but please. Let's see if they can find a way out of it, and then maybe no one ever has to know."
She ran down the hallway, and James didn't even try to follow her. Instead, he walked back to the dorm and found Sirius waiting for him upstairs.
Sirius popped up as soon as he walked in. "What happened, James? Where'd you and Evans go?"
James considered, briefly, telling him. He couldn't, though, out of some sense of obligation to the girl who just said she hated him. It was kind of his fault though.
James sighed. "Someone told on us for that fight in the common room last week. We got yelled at."
"Merlin. That sucks." Sirius shook his head. "Detention?"
"Nah, got out of it."
Sirius grinned. "Want to earn another one?"
“I’m afraid we are not going to find anything that will break the vow.” Dumbledore templed his fingers in front of him, with a fifteen year old James and Lily sitting in front of his desk, much the way they had at eleven years old.
“Are you sure?” Lily’s voice was firm, solid. Far calmer than James expected based on the news that Dumbledore just shared.
"I will certainly keep looking," Dumbledore said, “but I’ve not even been able to find a hint of a way out of it. It appears that no one has ever successfully broken an unbreakable vow.”
James sat a little straighter in his chair. Unlike in their first year, James and Lily sat alone in Dumbledore’s office to receive this news. Their parents were sent letters, but there was no need for them to come to Hogwarts. “What does this mean, though? What do we do now?”
Dumbledore looked at him with piercing blue eyes. “For now, you do nothing. There’s nothing you can do now. Before you turn nineteen, you will either need to get married or Ms. Evans will die. However, that is still more than four years away. You are young. Do not worry now about what you cannot change then.”
They left his office a short time later, and James walked next to Lily. “Dumbledore’s a bit ridiculous, innit?” Lily snorted, but said nothing. James went on. “‘Don’t worry about it. It’s years away.’ Doesn’t feel like it, does it?”
Lily made a noise of disagreement deep in her throat. “I don’t see you worrying much about it.”
James furrowed his brows. “I worry about it.”
“Oh, do you?” Lily scoffed. “And tell me, how is your girlfriend?”
“What does Angela have to do with anything?”
“Nothing!” Lily threw her hands out wide in front of her, raising her voice “That’s my point, Potter. You’re not worried about this at all!”
James groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “No, Angela has nothing to do with this! How much I worry about this thing we have has nothing to do with Angela.”
Lily rounded to face him, and James realized her wand was in her hand as she stared him down. He debated pulling his own wand out. “No, of course not! You don’t have to worry about dying in a few years if I don’t agree to marry you. You don’t have to worry about the fact that your very future depends on me.”
She pointed her wand right at his chest. “But I do, Potter. I do have to worry about it, despite what you say or what Dumbledore says, because I’m going to die in four years if we don’t either find a way out of it or if you don’t agree to marry me.”
She looked up at him again. “So go date Angela. Fall in love with Angela. Be happy with Angela, because this doesn’t really have to affect you if you don’t want it to. You can date and be happy, and nothing bad ever has to happen.”
“Why don’t you date then?” James shot back at her. “No one is stopping you. No one is telling you not to; I’m certainly not. Go date, and be happy and fall in love.”
“Fuck you, Potter.” She turned to walk away again.
“I’m serious, Evans! I don’t care!” He followed behind her. “I don't mind if you date.”
She turned back to him, and there were now tears streaming down her cheeks. “You don't mind? You don't mind? Oh, well, thank you for your permission, sir. I didn't know I needed to ask my future husband before I agreed to a date."
James groaned. "You don't have to ask my permission! I just meant you could date if you wanted."
"What would be the point! Who is going to date me knowing that nothing could ever come of it? ‘Yes, hello, would you like to date me? Not looking for anything long term, but if you want to have a few dates–”
“So don’t tell them!” James threw his hands out wide. “It doesn’t have to be forever. Just like, have some fun. I am. There doesn’t have to be a point to it.”
Lily let out a loud growl of frustration. “You don’t get it, Potter. I don’t know how to explain it to you because you clearly just don’t get it.”
She turned to stalk away from him, and ran smack into Sirius, Remus, and Peter coming around the corner. Remus grabbed her arms before she fell over. “Lily! We heard shouting. What’s wrong?”
She turned back to glare at James. “Your friend is an idiot.” She left without a further word.
Remus looked at James. “Want to tell us what happened?”
James threw his hands up. “I don’t even know. She’s just being emotional, I guess.”
Sirius threw his arm around James. “James, my friend. It only makes it worse if you call them emotional.”
Remus scoffed. “It’s also pretty misogynistic.”
James groaned, but Sirius laughed. “He’s not wrong.”
“Can we just go?” James shrugged off Sirius’s arm. “I need to make some mischief.”
“Why didn’t you say so sooner?” Sirius asked.
Peter shot him a mischievous smile. “We figured out how to get into the Slytherin common room.”
James dated Angela until nearly the end of fifth year, though after the night that Lily yelled at him about it, there was always something that seemed a bit off about it, like maybe he wasn’t quite being fair to her. Not that James would ever admit that Lily was right, and he probably held on longer than was reasonable in an effort to prove her wrong.
That summer, James went on a few dates, but his heart wasn’t really in it. He just kept thinking about the fact that he was only two years from having to marry Lily–because, despite what she said, he wasn’t just going to let her die –but she still hated him. What kind of relationship could they even have if she detested him?
One evening in late August, James ended up in the library of Potter Manner, sipping tea with his father. Sirius was already in bed, and his mum was off at some charity drive, which left just the two of them. With surprisingly little prodding, James ended up telling his dad everything.
When he finished, Monty poured them both more tea. “Sounds like you and Lily have some things to work out.”
James sat back with a groan. “I guess, but it’s like she doesn’t even want to talk to me. How am I supposed to want to marry her if she’s horrible all the time.”
“James, she’s not being horrible.”
“You’re not there–”
“I think she’s scared.”
That made James stop. “What do you mean? Why would she be scared?”
“Well, think about what you just said, James.” Monty took a sip of tea. “How are you supposed to want to marry her if she’s not nicer to you? She doesn’t have a choice but to marry you. You have a choice.”
“I don’t really have a choice, either.”
“Because you’re a good man, you’re right. I know you won’t let her die if it’s in your power to stop it.” Monty set down his cup. “She doesn’t really know that, does she? All she knows is that you say things that mean she has to earn the right not to die.”
James felt the weight of that hit him. “I didn’t mean to imply that.”
“I know, but it’s important to remember that your words have meaning, even if you didn’t intend it.”
“So what do I do now?”
Monty shrugged. “Let her know that you didn’t mean that.”
James ran a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t really matter if she won’t talk to me though.”
Monty hummed, sipping more tea. “That is more problematic. How do you feel about her? I mean, aside from the fact that you’re going to have to marry her. What do you think of Lily, as a person?”
James thought for a minute, considering the words before. “Well, she’s bloody gorgeous, but she’s also fiercely smart. She’s an absolute firecracker with a wit as sharp as a blade. She’s also incredibly kind. Not to me, of course, but she’s a prefect, and she actually takes that seriously. She’s always helping younger students or standing up for people who need her. She’s also–”
Monty laughed. “Alright, I think that’s enough. It sounds like you might actually fancy her.”
James scrunched his nose. “Evans? No, no way. Absolutely not. I don’t– I…” James ran a hand through his hair again. “I might fancy her. How did I miss that?”
Monty clapped a hand on his shoulder again. “Us Potter men have always been taken by strong women. They tend to sneak up on us.”
“Strong women sneak up on you, huh?”
James jumped at the voice of his mum behind him. “Merlin, mum. You scared me.”
Mia laughed and kissed his forehead. “What is this serious conversation that I’ve walked in on?”
Monty smiled as she bent to kiss him. “James just realized that he fancies Lily, despite the fact that she’s always angry at him.”
Mia sat on the armrest of his chair. “She’s not angry; she’s scared.”
“That’s what I said!” Monty smiled up at her.
Mia laughed. “Yes, I’ve taught you well.” She kissed him again, wrapping her arms around his shoulders before turning back to James. “So what is your plan now?”
James leaned forward with his elbows on his legs. “I guess… I guess I want to show her that I’m not all that bad. I want to win her over.”
Mia smiled widely. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
“But what do I do? How do I convince Evans to even listen to me?”
Mia tutted. “Well, the first thing you should do, James, is call her by her name. It’s Lily, not Evans.”
James started his sixth year at Hogwarts with a plan to win Lily over.
It was slow, at first. James observed Lily, offering her smiles when she caught him. He paid attention to things he had never even bothered to notice before.
Lily preferred coffee first thing in the morning, before she had even a bite of food. She wouldn’t drink coffee at all for the rest of the day, sticking to tea or water.
Lily ate her toast with blueberry jam, but preferred strawberry if she had a scone.
When she was considering a passage in a text book, she traced the lines with the tip of her finger and bit her lower lip.
It was about two weeks into term when James first had his chance to put his plan in motion. He waited at breakfast until it was nearly time to head to class, but Lily never came.
James turned to Mary. “Where is Lily?”
“She was running a bit behind this morning. Told us not to wait for her.” Mary was gathering her books now. “She’ll be in class.”
James considered for a moment before standing up and grabbing his bag. Sirius turned to him. “Oi! Wait up, Prongs!”
James turned to face him, not stopping his track to the door. “No time! I’ll see you in class, Padfoot!”
James arrived to Transfiguration approximately a minute before it was time to start, and walked straight to Lily’s desk. He could tell that she was a little frazzled still, but she was as gorgeous as ever.
“Good morning, Lily.” He set the cup and bundled napkin on the desk in front of her.
“Potter, what’s this?”
He didn’t answer, but winked at her as he made his way past McGonagall and over to his seat. He sat down and watched Lily pull the lid off the cup. She sniffed it, then looked at him with a question on her face. He shrugged, and motioned for her to drink. She set it back down, untouched, and turned to the buddle. He watched her slowly unwrap it to find a scone that still steamed lightly with strawberry jam and clotted cream.
Lily’s eyebrows furrowed as she turned to the front without touching the food. James wasn’t terribly surprised, but he was a bit disappointed.
Sirius nudged his arm, and he turned to see all three marauders looking at him. “Did you bring Evans breakfast?”
“Yes.” James said matter of factly.
Remus pursed his lips. “What did you do to it?”
“Nothing!” James turned back to the front, but the three of them kept watching him. He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t do anything to it. She missed breakfast, and I thought she was hungry.”
“So, it was something nice?” Peter sounded confused.
James scoffed. “Would you three stop it? It was nice! I can be nice.”
“Can you?” Sirius asked.
“Oi–”
“Mr. Potter, do you and your friends have something more important going on than my class?”
James turned to find McGonagall staring him down, and the entire class watching them. “No, ma’am.”
She raised an eyebrow at him, but turned back to teaching the class. James saw Lily pick up the cup of coffee and take a tentative sip. He smiled and turned to his notes.
A week later, James loaned his Charms book to Lily in the library when she forgot hers.
Ten days later, she got caught in a sudden thunderstorm on her way back from Herbology, and James saw her standing in the entrance hall digging in her bag for her wand. He charmed her dry, then just smiled and walked away.
James brought her tea while she was studying in the common room late one evening, after everyone else had retired to bed. She stopped him when he set it down.
“What are you doing, Potter?”
“What do you mean, Lily?”
“You’re–you’re being nice. Why are you being nice?”
James smiled at her. “We’re going to be bound together for the rest of our lives, right? I just thought it might go better if we got along, at least a little.”
Without waiting for an answer, James turned his back and headed up the boy’s staircase and called over his shoulder. “Goodnight, Lily!”
“Goodnight, James.”
"Oi, Evans." Sirius tossed a small ball of paper that caught in her hair. "Why don't you ever date? I know Eddie Bones was interested. Or if you'd rather, I know Florence Daley thinks you're fit."
Lily shrugged, pulling the paper out without looking up from her parchment. "I don't really see the point, I guess. It won't matter in the end."
Sirius scoffed. "What do you mean it won't matter? Is it some sort of muggleborn thing? I know there are a lot of–"
Whatever Sirius was saying was lost to James because Lily looked up at that moment and met his eye. She looked confused. "You never told them?"
"Told me wh–"
"You asked me not to." James shrugged, unable to look away from Lily and slightly put off by the look of surprise. "Do you not remember that?"
"I do." She tilted her head to the side. "I guess I just assumed you told them anyway."
"You seemed like you didn't want them to know. I wouldn't betray that."
Sirius was volleying between them like a spectator at a Quidditch match trying to follow the quaffle. "What are you talking about?"
Lily looked down at her parchment again. "You can tell if you want."
James looked around at the faces of all of their friends, watching him expectantly. James sighed. "When I was a kid, there was a little muggle girl who lived next door."
As James told the story, he watched Lily rather than their friends. For the most part, her face was a careful mask, but James could see the cracks. A lifetime of watching Lily's face made James intimately aware of the way it moved. He knew when the twitch in her eyebrow that told him she didn't agree with him, but the twitch of her lip was an almost smile. Now, however, she kept her face blank. She had always maintained that she didn’t remember playing with him as a child, and he always thought that was suspect. It was so clear in his mind. How could she not remember at all?
When he started describing the way the gold threads wrapped around their hands, Lily finally looked up to meet his eyes. He thought he saw the shadow of something pass over her eyes, but in a second it was gone. She looked back down at her parchment.
“I didn’t think of it again until I saw her get sorted. I wrote to my parents about it, and we were dragged into meeting with our parents and Dumbledore.” James shrugged. “And now, we’ll get married after we graduate.”
The table was silent other than the scratching of Lily’s quill. Everyone was looking between the two of them, but James could only look at Lily.
“Surely there’s a way to break it?” Remus asked. “There must be a—a counter charm or something.”
“It’s an unbreakable vow, Moony.” Sirius thumped his arm, making Remus frown and rub it. “It’s in the name.”
“Dumbledore has been looking since our first week here.” Lily finally looked around the table. “If he couldn’t figure it out in six years, I think there’s no hope.”
No hope. He knew what she meant, but somehow it hit James that Lily felt hopeless over the prospect of marrying him. He didn’t feel that way. In spite of the way they got into this situation, he never felt displeased that he’d be marrying Lily.
Quite the opposite, in fact. He enjoyed the idea of being married to her as much now as he did when he was five. He dreamed of what their lives would be like together, and it was always full of laughter and green eyed babies. He knew he’d give her everything because he lo—
He loved her.
The sounds of their friends talking around him became a low buzz as James came to terms with the fact that he loved Lily Evans, but she felt hopeless at the prospect of being with him. Where had he gone so wrong that the idea of loving him was so tragic?
He just had to keep trying. There was still time. More than a year and a half until she turned nineteen. He would just have to show her that he was worth being her choice rather than just her last hope.
James kept up the acts of kindness for the rest of sixth year, and no one questioned it any longer, not now that they all knew. He knew that Remus was doing his own research into how to break the vow, but James wasn’t really holding out hope for it. He couldn’t. His focus was on winning Lily over.
On their train ride home, at the end of sixth year, Lily sat next to James in the carriage they all shared. It was the closest proximity and the longest amount of time that either of them had ever really spent together. It made James smile to have her there with him.
When they arrived at the platform, James stopped Lily with a hand to her arm before they left the train. “Lily, would it be alright if I wrote to you this summer?”
Lily smiled a small smile. “It would. I think I would like that.”
They spent the summer writing letters to each other. Despite knowing each other for years, James found that he knew relatively little about her life. In her tight scrawl in her letters, he learned more about her than he ever knew he wanted to know, and it left him with a craving to know more. He offered just as much as she gave him, and by the time he boarded the train for seventh year, he felt like he knew Lily Evans better than he could have ever hoped.
On the first night back to Hogwarts, they were the last ones back to Gryffindor tower. As head students, they took the first night of rounds to make sure that all the students made it to their dorms. James bade Lily goodnight at the bottom of their stairs to their rooms.
"James?"
He turned back to her, and found her twisting her fingers. "Yes, Lily?"
"Are you scared? To marry me, that is."
James smiled at her. "No, I'm not."
Lily scoffed. "Of course you're not. Why would you worry?”
“Lily.” She looked up at him, and he couldn’t stop himself from tucking a loose strand of hair that was hanging in her face behind her ear. “I’m not worried because I get to marry you. You put everything of yourself into everything you do, and I’m so happy that I get to be part of it.”
“Really?” Her voice was much more hopeful now.
“Really.” He bent down and kissed her cheek. “Goodnight, Lily.”
Lily spent more time around James in those first few weeks of school than she had ever willingly done before. He continued to do nice things for her, and she was kind in return as well. For the first time, James thought that she could see a way to be happy with him, too.
Still, though. James was careful not to push anything more than friendship. He was all too aware that, in spite of any progress that he might have made with Lily, she was still at a disadvantage next to him.
One day in October, as they were walking between classes, James turned to her. “Lily, do you have any plans for the Hogsmeade trip?”
“I haven’t really thought about it, really.” Lily shrugged. “I’ll probably just go with Mary, unless she has a date.”
“Would you like to go with me?”
Lily turned toward him then, all bright green eyes, but there was a thoughtful line between her eyes. “I suppose that’s probably a good idea, considering we only really have a year–”
“No, Lily, that’s not what I meant.” James took her hand, seeing the confusion in her eyes. “You don’t have to go with me. There’s no supposed to or need to for this. I’d like you to go with me, on a date, if you want.”
“A date?”
James couldn’t help but smile at her uncertainty. He dipped his head and pressed a kiss to her cheek again. “Yes, a date. Take some time and think about it. Let me know if you want to.” He walked away, leaving her to consider his offer.
Two days later, Lily found him and told him that she would like to go on a date with him. He smiled and said thank you.
James was particularly aware on the morning of the Hogsmeade trip that this was, in truth, Lily’s first real date, and probably her last. He wanted to make sure that it was worth it, even if he still wondered if she accepted out of a sense of obligation.
He met her in the common room, arriving early with a long stemmed flower. James smiled at the blush that spread over her cheeks, then cut it smaller to tuck into her hair.
They held hands as they walked through the village, ducking in and out of shops and making a few purchases. He took her to a small cafe on a side street that was infrequently visited by Hogwarts students, and they spent hours talking and sipping tea with their hands linked over the table.
When they walked back to the castle, in the dying light of sunset, James held her hand and pulled her to the side of the front doors to the castle. Lily looked up at him in surprise.
“I had a lot of fun with you today, Lily. I’m really happy you said yes.”
Lily laughed, and squeezed his hand slightly. “I had fun, too.”
“Thank you for going with me.”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “Thank me?”
James smiled, and he desperately wanted to kiss her. “Yes. You didn’t have to say yes, so thank you.”
“Oh, um.” Lily let out a surprised laugh. “You’re welcome, I suppose.”
James leaned down and kissed her cheek softly. He turned back toward the door. “Let’s head inside, yeah? Do you think everyone has come back–”
“James?” He turned back to look at her, surprised by the uncertainty in her eyes. “I just–I thought…”
He walked back to her, smiling. “Yes?”
“I thought you were going to kiss me.” The blush that spread over her cheeks was lovely.
“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.”
She looked up at him with bright, shining eyes and rosy lips. “I do.”
James cupped her face in his hands, and she tilted it up to face him. He closed his eyes just a moment before their lips touched, not wanting to miss the way her eyelashes brushed across her cheeks or the way her lips parted to meet him.
When their lips finally touched, it was… well, it was magic.
Word quickly spread around the school that James and Lily were dating. It was a surprise to many, except for their friends and those who were aware of the vow that bound them together.
James tried to be cognizant of the fact that there was still an imbalance between them–that James would always have a choice while Lily was reliant on him. Thus, he let her lead the way: when they held hands, when they kissed, when she sat next to him or walked with him.
They took things slow, but James was content to just be with Lily.
One evening, as the first snow of the season began falling, they were taking a walk through the courtyards. James was completely enamored in the way the snow made her hair sparkle in the moonlight. She was chattering about the upcoming holiday, and James was so overwhelmed with just being in her presence. Then, in true James fashion, he said something stupid.
“I’m so happy with you, and that you chose to be with me.”
Lily let out a derisive little laugh. “I didn’t really choose, though, did I?”
James froze. “I’m… I’m sorry, that’s not what I mean.”
Lily let go of his hand and scrubbed her hand over her face. “I know. Sorry, I’m just feeling sorry for myself.”
James swallowed hard. “Because you’re with me?”
“No, James, it’s not you.” She took his hand again. “I just… I’ve never had a chance to choose for myself. I’ll never get a chance to choose. You’ve been wonderful–far more than I expected–but it still… it stings, I guess. I just want a choice, a real one.”
James closed his eyes. Of course. As much as he tried to make this better for her and show her that he really cared, he would always be her only choice. It couldn’t feel good for her. It was pretty terrible for him, too. He wanted her, but not like this. He wanted, more than anything, to release her from this vow. He wanted to let her go.
Something suddenly pulled inside of him, and he felt words bubble out of him like the magic inside of him was forcing them to be said.
James bent his head and kissed her knuckles. "I release you from any and all obligations to me. I free you of the vow you willingly entered. I give you back your freedom to choose or not choose me as you see fit. You owe no obligation to me, from this moment forward."
The gold thread appeared suddenly and fell from her hands into James's. They both stood there looking at it for a moment.
“Was that… was that the vow?” Lily asked with a certain amount of awe in her voice. “Did you break it?”
“I’m not sure, honestly.” James looked down at the gold cord. “Perhaps we should go see Dumbledore.”
They found themselves cloistered away in Dumbledore’s office with their parents, McGonagall, and Dumbledore, gathered around the golden thread on his desk. Dumbledore cast several diagnostic charms over them, but there had been no sign of the vow binding them.
“It seems that you’ve been released.” Dumbledore looked between them. “It’s unheard of. How did this come about?”
James could feel Lily’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t look at her. “I just didn’t want her to be bound anymore. I didn’t want her to marry me only because she had to, so I… I just let her go.”
Dumbledore sat down at his desk, leaning on the fingers of one hand. “It appears that Mr. Potter’s genuine desire to release Ms. Evans from the vow is what broke it. He controlled the bond, and on his wish, the bond was released.”
“And it’s really broken?” Lily asked, and James tried to pretend like the hope in her voice didn’t send a pang of pain through him.
“It does appear so, yes.”
Lily laughed, clapping her hand over her mouth. “That’s… that’s amazing. That’s wonderful.” She turned to James and laid a hand on his arm. “James, we’re free! We don’t have to be together. We’re free.”
James paused briefly, schooling his features as he felt everything inside of him crumble. He turned to her with a smile that he suspected didn’t reach his eyes, but Lily didn’t seem to notice. “That’s right.”
“Well,” Dumbledore clapped his hands. “Ms. Evans, you’re free to go back to your dorm. Mr. Potter, I’d like to speak with you alone for a moment.”
Lily walked out of the room with her parents, and James’s parents stood to follow. Mia kissed James on the cheek. “I’m proud of you, James.” He smiled weakly at her and watched them leave the room before turning to face Dumbledore. “Sir?”
“Mr. Potter, I had a question that I’m hoping you will answer, seeing as you are the only person to ever successfully break an unbreakable vow.” James nodded. “Did your desire to marry Ms. Evans change before you broke the spell?”
“No, sir.” James responded, running hand through his hair. “I still want to marry her.”
“So you released her from the vow despite the fact that it was what you wanted?”
“I love her, sir.” James swallowed hard, trying not to think about the way that was now slipping away from him. “I wanted her to choose me. I never wanted her to have no other option.”
James walked alone back to the dorm, slowly. When he walked in, it was like a celebration was going on.
Mary ran up and grabbed his hands first. "You really broke it? The unbreakable vow? You're both free?"
Lily attempted to smile and nodded. "We're free."
Mary squealed, jumping. "That's amazing! You must be so relieved!"
"Sure, of course."
She ran back to the couches where Lily was sitting surrounded by her friends. James walked the other direction toward the tower stairs.
"Prongs?" James turned to see Sirius, followed by Remus and Peter, all looking at him with sad eyes. "You alright, mate?"
James forced a smile that he knew they didn't believe. "Of course. Didn't you hear? She's free of me."
He walked up the stairs, and no one followed. When they came up later, everyone pretended that James's drawn curtains meant he was already asleep.
James didn't wait for Lily at the base of the stairs the next morning. Instead, he went for breakfast alone, and when she smiled at him from a seat down the table, he forced a smile back, then forced himself to look away.
He hoped that eventually he could stop forcing himself, and that not looking at Lily would come naturally.
For now, he headed out to the quidditch pitch where he hoped to spend the rest of Saturday morning flying until he forgot the way she looked when she smiled. It might take more than just a morning of flying, he thought, as he was imagined her standing at the edge of the pitch.
No, she was actually standing at the edge of the pitch.
He flew and landed next to her, hopping off his broom and letting his feet plant in the ground next to her. "Evans," he said. "Did you need me?"
She raised her eyebrows. "Are we back to Evans and Potter, James?"
James cleared his throat. "Sorry. Lily." Her name felt like broken shards of glass in his mouth; the pain of it cutting his tongue. "Did you need me?"
She hummed. "You're avoiding me."
"I'm not."
"I haven't seen you since we left Dumbledore's office yesterday."
James ran a hand through his hair. "You saw me at breakfast."
She tutted her tongue and crossed her arms. "Is this what we are now? Now that we aren't bound together, we're going back to biting words?"
James cleared his throat again, and when he spoke again, his voice was soft. "Sorry, Lily. I just… I don't know what you want from me anymore."
"I didn't either, not at first." She dropped her arms and took a step toward him. "For the first time in my life, I had a choice other than you."
James felt the sting of her words, and it took everything in him not to hop on his broom and fly away from her. "Right. Yes."
"Do you know what I realized then, James?" Her voice was soft, and so, so lovely that he couldn't look away from her eyes. "I realized that I still didn't want anyone except for you."
James took a sharp inhale of breath, and his hands twitched, desperate to reach for her. "You don't?"
"Just you." She took a step closer to him. "So I guess I'm asking if you're avoiding me because you don't want me anymore, because I want–"
Whatever else she might have said was lost when he pressed his lips to hers, kissing her deeply. It was far from their first kiss, but it was their first kiss truly freely given.
They broke apart, panting, and James pressed his head to hers. Their heavy breaths made clouds in the cold air around them. "Yes, I want you. I have always wanted you, since I was five. Do you–" he laughed, slightly "–do you still want to get married?"
She laughed, and pressed her lips to his again. "I was thinking that maybe we could date for a while."
James smiled. "Date. Yes. I like the sound of that."
three years later
Lily wore a white dress and butterfly clips in her hair as she walked through the Potters' backyard. James wore dress shoes that he didn't protest at all. Well, almost.
She walked past rows and rows of their friends, who hid smiles behind their hands, and reached for James. He bent to her ear to whisper I know magic is real when I look at you, and she laughed.
Just before the ceremony started, James asked her one last time. "Are you sure you want to marry me, Lily Evans?"
She smiled wide. "You're my best friend, and I love you. I think being married to my best friend could be really fun."
And it was.