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Chapter Text

Dark skies hung overheard; defeat, grief, and an overwhelming sense of sadness hanging heavily on the four brothers. A painful memory still playing through their minds. It was almost like it was on loop, like a scratched record player. 

Grief is intangible. So many complex emotions that would play a role in such an overbearing and vast definition. It is unable to be touched but much like a parasite, it would feed off of the weakened hearts, much like how these brothers were. 

They were vulnerable under the clouded skies. Tears streamed down their faces like how the rain dripped down their mahogany umbrellas. The overwhelming melancholy and silent pleas. A whole lifetime of memories washed under the drizzling rain.

One of the brother’s sobbed loudly, his orange mask stained in tears. He turned to his tallest brother, a distinguishable purple mask that mirrored his own brother’s stained face. The orange-clad brother yearned for physical comfort and protectively, the purple-clad brother pulled him close to his side. 

The brother, a mask the color of scarlet, stared down at his feet where a singular snow white chrysanthemum was half buried in the dirt where a slab of stone stood proudly. It cast a long shadow in its wake, something so overbearing that the brother turned away, throwing a heavy fist to a nearby tree. The sudden flash of anger drained away and receded like how the tears drained from his eyes. 

Losing someone so close had never been easy. Grief was never that simple, but rather complex to the point where people dealt with it in different ways.  

The final brother, the one who bore the heavy blue mask, had his dark blue eyes locked onto the gravestone. His placement was behind his mourning brothers, watching silently with unshed tears. 

Hamato Yoshi , the gravestone read. A master of ninjutsu, a sensei, and a beloved father.

Hamato Yoshi, or known to them as Splinter, was a man with so much history behind him. He was like two sides of the same coin; he lived a long life as a human before spending his days in isolation as a mutant rat. He was once a man who loved his wife and his beloved child. He was also guardian of his beloved mutant children. The man buried six feet under was many things and just as easily, the years he had spent alive had been washed away by the rain dropping from the sky. Hamato Yoshi would just be another name forgotten in history. It could be like he had never lived in the first place.

With the fading legacy of his late father, the burden was now falling onto his young shoulders. He was sixteen years in the making, a mere child who lived beneath the surface for most of his life. He had battle scars and this incoming anxiety crawled its way into his mind. 

But those thoughts had to be repressed. For without the masterful teacher his brothers had no one but himself to lead them in life. The dependency was imminent and the mutant turtle who bore the color blue, a color that was as expansive as the blue skies or oceans, had no time to grieve. 

Sniffling a bit, the orange-clad turtle turned behind him to face his eldest brother. “What do we do now, Leo?” It was a weakened plea but it was also a calling. All eyes turned to him from the emerald green of Raphs, the baby blue of Mikey’s, all the way to the chestnut brown of Donnie’s. 

“We have to move forward,” Slowly, Leonardo lifted his eyes from the grave and to his brothers. “That’s what Splinter would’ve wanted.”

But in his heart, that’s not what the blue-clad turtle had wanted.

Chapter Text

“ Hamato Yoshi ,” A menacing voice called out, it was a voice that Leonardo was all too familiar with. 

Leonardo had his two long blades drawn out, prepared for defending his sensei who was holding a wounded shoulder. It was a desperate fight on the rooftops of New York City. Thunder crackled overhead as the rainclouds loomed over their heads. 

Oroku Saki- The Shredder stood, poised with his long gauntlets pointed towards the rat that Leonardo was so desperate to defend. A young teenage turtle, the last standing of his sensei’s students. 

“Leonardo,” His father, Splinter spoke, the orders slipping from his tongue. “Stand down.” 

Leonardo’s body tensed in surprise, but he refused to put down his blade. He was the leader, he was the one who would defend this family no matter the sacrifice. He would refuse the order because tonight, he prayed that they would at least leave this battle alive. 

“Leonardo!” His father bellowed, but Leo had already charged forward, readying his blades. Sparks flew into the air as Shredder easily blocked Leo’s katanas with the claws of his gauntlet. So easily the turtle was dismissed with a swift movement from the Shredder. He was a young student without the necessary battle experience to bring his family out of this alive. To put it simply, a failure of a last stand. 

He was flung towards the edge of the rooftop, weakened and weapons discarded. 

This was it, the end of Leonardo’s legacy as a leader, a brother, and a son.  

He could hear the thumps of Shredder’s exaggerated movements. He wanted Leonardo to know that his demise was coming. The Shredder was a predator hunting his prey afterall. He dragged his blade on the ground, an eerie high pitched echo screaming inside of Leonardo’s head. 

Leonardo closed his eyes tightly, accepting the end. The blade was lifted into the air, the pleas of his brothers lost in the storm around them.

“Look at me turtle ,” The Shredder ordered and in the turmoil from the fight, Leonardo opened his eyes. A cold, determined blue glaring right at the man who was going to take his life. At least it wasn’t his brothers or his precious sensei. “Such a vile creature deserves no last words.”

The blade came down, screams ruptured in his mind and quickly, Leonardo closed his eyes. Something warm fell against his face. Slowly cracking one eye open, he saw his master standing over him protectively. A small determined smile was splayed on the rat’s face as blood drizzled from his mouth. 

“My son.” The rat slowly spoke, bringing a gentle paw to brush by Leonardo’s cheek. Slowly, Leonardo pulled his eyes down to the glinting sharp claws that penetrated his father’s abdomen. “Take care of your brothers-” The blade was pulled out of his stomach and Splinter fell to the ground in front of his blue-clad son. 

In the shock stricken silence, Shredder boomed with laughter. It echoed around the rooftop as the man stood proudly under the light of the moon, covered in the blood of his sworn enemy- The blood of the turtle’s father. 

Thunderstruck the sky as something snapped in Leonardo’s mind. This animalistic desire reverberated through Leonardo as his father’s eyes lost its lively shimmer. Shakily, Leonardo got to his feet, a trembling hand reaching down for his discarded katana.

Shredder continued to laugh, “Hamato Yoshi is no more turtles! He took everything from me and now he’s dead!” It was absolutely sickening and Leonardo gripped his sword tightly.

He let out a scream that would haunt anyone that heard it. Leonardo jumped into the air, feeling the phantom touch of his father lightly cupping his cheek and the unsettling weight of his father’s blood on his plastron. The sword was lifted, finishing its deadly duet as it sliced through his target. 

The body that once belonged to Oroku Saki crumpled to the ground, the gleeful laughs cut short but the weight of what was lost that night destroyed Leonardo’s spirit. 

Leonardo shot up, the covers of his blanket falling off his body. Sweat dripped down his forehead as he slowly familiarized himself with his home bedroom. He was home, not there on the rooftops of that fateful night. He let out a shaky breath, slowly releasing the blanket he had gripped tightly.

Times like these, he just wanted to curl up inside of a ball and cry in the shadows of his bedroom. This one small locked up hideaway was the only place the leader could truly break down without the piercing gaze of his brothers. He trembled, his shoulders caving in on themselves as he dragged the rest of his body close to his chest. 

He was hurting inside but it was like he was never allowed to show it. 

Just as suddenly, he heard a frantic knock on his bedroom door. Leo’s heart hammered as he quickly wiped away his tear stained face. Numerous thoughts raced through his head, so many possibilities swirling and taunting him. 

“Leo!” Came the pleading voice of his brother, Michelangelo. “Can I come in?”

Leonardo softened slightly and eventually found his voice, forcing it to be strong like his brother needed. “Yes you may Mikey.” 

The door swung open and the youngest turtle flew into the room. He had his arms outstretched open and collapsed into the strong arms of his eldest brother. Warm streams of tears had already burst from the baby blue eyes of his brother. 

“I had a nightmare… of,” A small hiccup, ”Of that night .” Mikey spoke, his voice trembling. That was all that needed to be said and Leonardo understood. For months on end, the same nightmare had been plaguing the ninja team. Leonardo was always there for each of them, being the strong presence that they needed. 

Leonardo hugged his brother tightly, bringing him close to his body protectively. This was nothing new and his brothers found it most easier to find comfort from Leonardo. Even if it was almost a year since the fall of both their master, Splinter and the Shredder, everyone was still adjusting to change. 

Leonardo was here guiding them. He was everything that they ever needed. And that was fine in itself. As long as Leonardo remained strong, he could still hold onto the legacy of his late father. “It’s alright Mikey, just sleep.” 

Mikey whimpered, burying his head into the plastron of his brother. Slowly, the tears disappeared and the turtle found himself in peace in the arms of his brother. Leonardo exhaled a deep sigh, gently rubbing his hands on the shell of Michelangelo. 

He stared outwards at the full sewer wall of his bedroom. It was neat and organized here, everything absolutely perfect. Tonight had been a close one with Mikey almost barging inside. Hardening his resolve, Leonardo had to vanquish these feelings of guilt and turmoil. 

He was the eldest brother and leader of the Hamato Clan. He had to act like it too.

Chapter Text

“Good morning, Leo.” 

Leonardo rubbed slightly at his tired eyes as he spotted Donatello in the kitchen, sipping some coffee from his mug. Leonardo stretched, suppressing a yawn as he made his way over to a kettle to prepare himself some tea. “Morning, Donnie.” 

“I’m surprised that you weren’t up earlier.” Donatello commented as he watched his fearless leader pour some steaming tea into his own cup.

Leonardo paused, glancing over to a nearby clock that Donatello had recently made and placed in the kitchen. It was eight in the morning and Leonardo usually awoke at six. “Mikey had another nightmare,” Leonardo confessed as he moved and sat at the table. 

“Oh…” Donatello shifted uncomfortably in place. “I see.” 

Leonardo nodded slightly, eyeing his brother with suspicion. “Did you sleep?” 

Donatello didn’t answer and that was an answer in itself.

Leonardo exhaled, preparing to lightly scold his brother. “Donnie-” 

“Raph snuck out again earlier to pummel street thugs with Casey.” Donnatello instead supplied useful information. 

In the development of Splinter’s death, habits had been instilled into this family. Oftentimes Raphael would sneak out of the lair to take out his frustration on any nearby thugs. At least he would go with Casey so he wouldn’t be an idiot outside of the lair. With everyone else though, Donatello tended to work on any projects as a distraction and would lose hours of sleep. Michelangelo would be tormented with countless nightmares and seek out his brothers to protect him. Leonardo? Well, he was handling his own troubles just fine. A level headed leader never fell to nightmares , visions of his own mind. It was laughable- His brothers would probably tease him. 

“Alright,” Leonardo said, feeling defeated. 

Anxiously, Donatello shifted his feet under the table, avoiding making eye contact with the empty chair at the head of the table. The chair is covered in layers of dust- The place where their late master would sit, enjoying meals together as a family.  No one had touched it or sat there since. Leonardo narrowed his eyes on Donatello’s strange behavior before clearing his throat slightly. Donatello looked up, slightly embarrassed at being caught feeling uneasy to talk to his own leader.

“Is something the matter?” Leonardo asked, helping Donatello converse his thoughts. 

“Well,” Donatello started, the gears inside of his head turning as he began to formulate his response. “It’s been almost a year and- Well , I was wondering, if I- we , could, uh-” 

Leonardo raised an eyebrow and Donatello momentarily shook his head to refocus. It wasn’t this hard to talk to his own brother, wasn’t it?

“I was wondering if we’ll visit his grave for the one year anniversary of his passing.” Donatello finished, already feeling like he was regretting even asking. Bringing up anything Splinter related was a touchy subject, especially mentioning his death. 

The air in Leonardo’s lungs seemed to freeze. This strange feeling squeezing at his insides. It had been almost a year since-

Claws protruded from Splinter’s chest as his body hung over Leonardo’s weakened self. Gently, the paws of his father cupped the side of his face, whispering something in a pained voice. Leonardo could only watch, eyes wide as if he were a mere child again.

He was a child then and he still is now. Something bitter forced its way into his mind and Leonardo immediately quelled it down. Slowly, his breathing returned to him as he noticed his brother’s frighteningly anxious expression. Leonardo needed to remain level headed and not dare crumble under the gaze of someone who looked up to him for guidance. 

“I really think this would be good for us.” Donatello continued, ushering out words as he analyzed his brother’s frozen expression. “We can’t keep away from his grave forever. I mean, I’m sure the other guys feel the same as I do.” Gently, Donatello placed a hand against his plastron, meeting his brother’s dark blue eyes. “We’ve been cooped up inside the lair for so long. It can feel suffocating sometimes being in the same place where someone we all had loved once was. Leo, I really-” 

Leo was digging his hands onto the wood of the table. This talk of suffocation and being cooped inside stung his heart. This place, their home, the lair , was one of the few places that had proved that someone like Splinter had once lived. 

The ninja team had rarely left the lair as a team anymore. Thick walls had begun to grow around them, separating them from one another. Most of the crime was being dealt with by Karai, April, Casey or even Raph when he broke out of the lair. The team had been out of touch for months on end. The few times they met together were for training and that was pretty much it. Their hearts were still wounded and sometimes it felt as if only Leonardo was stuck in one place, sometime in the past long ago. 

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Leonardo finally interrupted Donatello’s rambling. 

“But, Leo!” Donatello stood up, his face pleading and frustration building up inside him at Leonardo’s decision.

“I said enough!” Leonardo slammed his fists onto the table. There was a loud deafening silence as the loud noise echoed in the kitchen. Both hadn’t expected such a reaction. Leonardo felt frozen as his fist throbbed lightly at the sudden impact. “We’ll,” he released a breath, desperately trying to de-escalate the situation. “Talk about this later.” 

It was an order not to be questioned. 

“ Fine .” Donatello spat, turning on his heel as he marched out of the kitchen and into his lab. There was a loud clang as the lab door was slammed closed and locked tightly. 

Leonardo sank into his chair, butterflies flying around his stomach. Leading a broken family was hard enough and yet, he couldn’t even hold the broken pieces.

Leonardo perked up slightly at the noise coming from the entrance of the lair. Hurriedly, Leonardo got to his feet as he moved to meet whoever was coming back inside of the lair. There, standing at the entrance dusting himself off was the hot headed Raphael. 

“Raphael.” Instead of the relief Leonardo had felt when speaking, frustration from his earlier fight with Donatello meddled into his tone. 

Raphael turned to look at him, emerald green eyes holding a steady glare. It was as if Raphael was challenging Leonardo to say anything. 

Leonardo was his even match and wouldn’t back down. “You left the lair again.” It was a fact and Raphael rolled his eyes in displeasure.

“Yeah, I did.” He spoke spitefully, already undressing himself of his extra gear. 

“You didn’t even bother notifying me. I’m the leader, Raph.” Leonardo followed behind Raphael as the ninja moved to the dojo to hang up his sais. They were hung just below the abandoned katanas that Leonardo deeply cared for. 

“Leader this , leader that .” Raphael scoffed, irritation already growing inside of him for being pestered. “All I did was a short morning patrol. It's not like we patrol the city anymore. Besides, I told Donnie at least. Be thankful for that, oh noble leader. ” 

Leonardo took a deep breath, his nerves needed to calm down. “The rules haven’t changed, Raph. At least notify someone, just like how Splinter would’ve wanted.”

Raphael bristled, turning sharply to face his brother. “Listen, Leo ,” His words were sharp and cold. These following words were meant to hurt. “Things have changed. Master Splinter, our father , is gone!” The hot headed brother threw his arms into the air to emphasize his point. “Some of us can’t constantly be moping! I’m not going to be stuck in the lair- especially not under your orders.  We stopped being an efficient team when you became the head of the clan!” 

Leonardo stood there stunned, eyes blown wide. His walls were vulnerable and open to see how Raphaels words had stung him. He searched Raphael's face for any sign of remorse- But there was none . Just the heavy breathing of today’s argument freshly scarring Leonardo’s mind. 

“ Some leader you are .” Raphael muttered, knocking Leonardo aside with the force of his shoulder. Raphael lingered at the doorway of the dojo before glancing back at his eldest brother who still stood in the room, stunned and frozen. “For the record, Leo, If I were the leader, things would be different. The world doesn’t wait and I refuse to be stuck back here with you .” 

Way to kick him while he was down.  

The dojo door was shut, leaving Leonardo standing in the place where his father had trained him to be an expert ninja. This was the place where he literally put his blood, sweat, and tears into. 

He sat down on the dojo floor, feeling the burden and pressure of everything falling onto his shoulders. What was he meant to do? The world expected so much of him and yet, Leonardo was still so young. He didn’t have the years of experience that his sensei had. Those years of knowledge and wisdom would’ve been so useful to Leonardo before his passing. 

Leonardo was just a teenager! He wanted the unconditional love of his family- his father most of all . He punched the floor, frustration bubbling at his insides. Sometimes he would imagine what it would’ve been like to be normal . To not know ninjutsu and not be dragged into the bitter rivalry of clans. To grow up in a life that wasn’t so violent. 

So Leonardo sat there in the center of the dojo, eyes on the giant tree in the center as he crossed his legs. He took steady breaths, allowing his demeanor to relax. Meditation would help, surely . 

Deep and steady breaths emitted from the young ninja master. He was calming but his spirit wasn’t left untainted. Leonardo never felt safe- not even in the wake of the spirit realm. 

For a disturbing thought circled in the mind of the hurt ninja: Since when had Splinter changed from his beloved father to being his master?  

The love of the child went ungranted. 

Chapter Text

“Uhm, Leo?” An innocent voice asked.

Leonardo opened his eyes immediately and reached for his back to unsheathe his katana blades. However, his back was bare and he felt rather naked without his katanas. It had been a long while since he wore the blades that slain Oroku Saki. 

He looked up to see his brother, Michelangelo, sitting on the ground, hand recoiled against his chest as if he was afraid of Leonardo. Leonardo seemed to snap back in reality as he noticed how his body was in a battle position. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Leonardo forcibly relaxed his body, pushing down the frightened instincts to protect himself from being snuck on. 

“It's… fine.” Michelangelo whispered, slowly relaxing in the presence of his brother. It clearly wasn’t fine but Leonardo wasn’t going to comment. Instead he meddled on the hurt he was suddenly feeling recently. Why was he making his brother’s so anxious and frightened? 

“Uh, yeah.” Michelangelo continued, slowly getting back to his feet before hesitantly helping Leonardo up as well. “It’s been a long while and-”

“How long was I meditating?” Leonardo asked, effectively cutting Michalengelo off from talking. 

Michlanegelo squirmed in place, “You were in here for quite some time, dude. I think you might’ve spent too much time up,” He pointed to his head, “up here.” 

Leonardo mentally cursed. This happens sometimes. When he was extremely upset, he would meditate but at the same time lose track of the hours and get sucked inside his own little bubble. Blissful and unaware as the day passes by. 

“But uh, anyways, Leo.” Michelangelo twittled with his fingers. “Everyone’s in the kitchen and we want a family meeting.” 

Leonardo blinked slowly, registering Michelangelo’s words. “A family meeting?” He asked in disbelief. 

“Yeah uh. Don’t kill the messenger please, but it's really important. Donnie wants to talk and uh, yeah, that’s pretty much it.” Michelangelo nodded curtly, as he stumbled his way to the exit of the dojo. “Uh, please,” He met Leonardo with his baby blue eyes. They pleaded as it shimmered, alluring Leonardo. He always had a soft spot for his baby brother’s requests. “We want you to come.” 

While it was bad that Donatello was calling the meeting, especially since they had the argument from that morning, it would be bad not to attend. Donatello had all day to formulate an argument, a convincing one at that to have everyone visit the grave. But visiting the grave meant facing the fact that Splinter was- He shuddered. 

He had the tiniest hope that the meeting wasn’t about what he was theorizing. 

Together he followed behind Michalengelo, his heart beating hard in his chest. His eyes lingered on his brother’s hand that swung carelessly side to side as they walked. He wished sometimes that he could just hold it to reassure his nerves. He was older now, a leader and small satisfactions were put past him. 

“We’re here, dude.” Michelangelo pointed out as they stood at the entrance of the kitchen. Leonardo gulped, steeling himself as he stepped through the threshold, face neutral and serious. A proper example of a true master. 

Donatello sat at the table, eyes narrowing on Leonardo. The genius of the family was trying to discern any cracks in Leonardo’s walls that he could exploit; however the trained leader remained steeled. Leaning against the wall of the kitchen was Raphael, face displaying his annoyance as clear as day. Michelangelo nervously smiled as he sat at the table next to Donatello. 

“Brought Leo.” He cheerfully spoke, trying to lighten the mood. It wasn’t effective as each of his older brother’s faces turned serious.

“I’m here now.” Leonardo spoke, “What is it that you wanted to discuss?” 

“It's important.” Donatello redirected, hostility directed toward Leonardo. “But in a few weeks it’ll be the anniversary of that day. ” 

Vivid images flashed inside of Leonardo’s mind. The walls inside of the kitchen suddenly seemed like they were closing in on him. He couldn’t breathe briefly. 

“I wanted to go see the grave.” Donatello chose to keep it simple and go straight to the point of the family meeting. “It’s almost been a year and we haven’t visited him once. I think it’ll be good for us all to leave the lair for a bit and go see him .” 

Michelangelo’s face seemed to light up at the sudden idea. “That's actually great! I have so much to tell Splinter ! And.. Going together?” He gave a small smile as he looked around at his brothers. “I’d like that.” 

Donatello smiled at that, happy to receive some acceptance to his proposal. 

Raphael stopped leaning against the wall in favor of joining his brothers at the table. “Sounds good to me.” He turned his gaze to Leonardo who was frozen in place, face passive. “I think some of us need fresh air .” 

Three pairs of eyes landed on the leader. Slowly he heaved out a breath, recollecting himself. The stress was messing with his mind and he needed to calm down. Slowly he found his voice and stated the words he had told Donatello. “We can’t .” The I can’t went unsaid. 

“And why not?” Raphael challenged, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Leonardo wished that they would stop questioning his orders and actually listen to him. “We just can’t.” Leonardo stressed.

“That isn’t a viable reason.” Donatello further pushed. 

Leonardo shook his head.

“Come on, Leo!” Michelangelo drawled, gently taking his brother’s hand. “It’s Master Splinter, our dad , waiting out there for us.” 

Leonardo’s hand trembled, the phantom feeling of his katana resting in his palm. The amount of pressure he was feeling had his heart racing one hundred miles per hour and his head began to hurt. It was hard to breathe again. “We just can’t!” 

“And why not?” It was gently asked but the constant pestering had Leonardo exploding.

“As the head of the Hamato Clan, I order you not to go!” 

All three brothers recoiled, all giving their own facial expressions of shock and disgust. 

“You can’t be serious.” Raphael blanched, hand already tightened into a fist. 

“I am.” Leonardo said, his voice slightly betraying him in wavering. 

“Leo please reconsider.” Michelangelo begged, eyes already on the brink of tears at Leonardo’s outburst. 

“No.” He spoke, hardening his resolve. He was made a leader for a reason. His decision would help allow for his family to survive and that was all that had mattered. “This family meeting is over. The decision is final.” He turned on his heel and left the kitchen. He paused briefly in the hallway to steady his breathing. He was going to be sick.

“He isn’t serious right guys?” He heard Michelangelo speak.  They began to talk behind his back as soon as he was believed to be out of sight. As a ninja, Leonardo kept to the shadows, listening to his brothers. 

“He is. We had the same argument this morning.” Donatello answered, a mixture of frustration and sadness in his tone. “I don’t know why he is so insistent.”

“Don’t worry Mikey, Leo’s just got his head in his shell.” He heard Raphael speak next. “We’ll just go anyway, without him.”

Leonardo’s heart throbbed with hurt. They were just going to go against his order’s anyways. He felt undermined again. 

“Really?” Michelangelo asked excitedly, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“Yeah, we don’t need him.” Raphael spoke. “He stopped being our leader as soon as the clan title fell onto his shoulders. He’s just too scared.”

“Even so it's an anomaly why Leonardo was so defensive on the matter. Leonardo was Spinter’s prized student.  You’d think Leonardo would be eager to go out and see him.” Donatello mentioned, clearly curious by Leonardo’s outburst. And to be honest, Leonardo didn’t understand the feelings swirling inside of him. He had never acted this way. It was so wrong to feel his composure crumbling. 

“He isn’t the guy we grew up with anymore.” Raphael muttered. 

Leonardo turned away, the uneasiness growing inside of him. His brothers no longer valued his opinions or decisions anymore. He wasn’t what his brothers wanted him to be anymore. If he was no longer needed by anyone then what was he supposed to do? He glanced back at the kitchen where idle chatter was spilled between his brothers who had grown closer in his absence. He needed to be the Leonardo that they had known but it felt like a lifetime ago since that fifteen year old teenager had shined. 

He entered his bedroom and sat on his bed contemplating his options. He had felt drained and exhausted by these constant fights he had been insinuating with his brothers. 

“Stop being stupid Leonardo.” Leonardo spoke aloud, lecturing himself in his leader tone. “Stop screwing things up for everyone! A team doesn’t fracture and fight with each other.” He paused, pulling his blankets over him as he untied his mask to place it on his nightstand. 

“ What would Splinter have done? ” 

Something had changed that night. Leonardo sunk back into his world of nightmares and lingering anxiety. Michelangelo wouldn’t come to him that night for his nightmares and it was to be expected after Leonardo had snapped at him. The old memory played inside again: A helpless Leonardo fighting against the Shredder’s powerful claws. 

But he had a feeling something had changed.

Oroku Saki lifted his gauntlet into the air, ready to strike upon the defenseless turtle. Instead of the long claw-like blades, the Shredder held one of Leonardo’s precious katanas upwards. A double sided blade, something so precious to the teenager that it would stab him in the back in the wrong hands of the Shredder. The blade slammed down and tore through Master Splinter’s chest. 

Leonardo screamed, launching himself to redirect the blade through Shredder’s own body. Lightning struck the roof, illuminating Leonardo’s blood stained body as he stood between two masters, now slain. His brothers laid on the floor, injured, staring at him with terrified eyes. 

Leonardo’s eyes snapped open, heavy breaths escaping his mouth. He had seen this memory so many times inside of his head that he was surprised by something new. Gently, he touched his forehead, questioning his own mind.

Had it really been his own katana that stabbed through his own master?

Had his brother’s really looked upon him with so much fear that night?

Leonardo felt sick as he stumbled out of the bathroom to retch in the toilet. 

That night was foggy, just the bloodshed remaining in his head. 

He found a new resolve that night. Some things had to change.