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If it were anyone else, maybe it’d be weird. If it were any other group, anyone else that wasn’t them then maybe it’d be something to be concerned about. But it wasn’t just any other group. It’s Bangtan. It’s Hoseok and Jungkook. And anything that involved their group was never exactly normal.
Maybe it’s cheesy or even a little arrogant to think that there has always been something special about them. Namjoon doesn’t care.
There’s something that’s been there since the beginning. He doesn’t have a name for it, if there even is one. He doesn’t know what the feeling is. And maybe, with a little more thought, he could probably figure it out. But Namjoon doesn’t need to know what it is to know that they were going to make it. In the harsh world of the music industry, he had faith that they’d make it.
So when Namjoon hears Jungkook call Hoseok “mom” the very first time, all the way back in their pre-debut days, he just rolls with it. It’s their thing, after all. A Bangtan thing specifically. And anything Bangtan related is normal enough for him.
He doesn’t understand it. He doesn’t understand but he’s supportive and he doesn’t judge. It’s something between Hoseok and Jungkook. And anything that involves any one of them is important. At the very least, he knows enough to understand that.
And Jungkook was so young when he joined them. Barely a teenager, all alone in the big city that Seoul is, with no one familiar there to guide him, teach him or be there for him for whenever he needed; it’s no wonder that he latched onto the one person who filled that role.
Of course, they all raised him together. He grew up with them, learned from them. It wasn’t like Jungkook only had Hoseok to rely on.
But Namjoon knows; to Jungkook, Hoseok is mom.
And nothing compares to mom.
Mom is the one who cleans any wounds and takes care of him while he’s sick (with help from the others too). Mom is the one who he can go to when he’s excited and happy or when he’s sad and hurting. Mom is the one who lets him crawl into bed at night to comfort him when he has a nightmare and even when he doesn’t. Mom is the one who’s always there for him.
Hoseok may be Jungkook’s hyung but he’s also mom too.
—
Hoseok tells him, years after debut and they’ve just finished promotions for their latest album, being able to be a mom is something like a gift. To know what a mother’s love is; it’s not something he can really put into words. But Namjoon still wants to know; so sitting in his studio one day with Hoseok on his couch, and himself in his own chair, Namjoon asks the question that’s been on his mind for a long time now.
“How’d you deal with it?”, he asks quietly, like it’s taboo to even question it.
To which, Hoseok answers with a question of his own, “Deal with what?”
“You know— the whole mom thing. You’re so nonchalant about it but when the rest of us first heard it, we were more than a little surprised. So how did it even get to the point of it even being a thing? Didn’t it— I don’t know, freak you out a bit at first? To have this random kid you just recently met start calling you mom all of a sudden?”
Hoseok laughs, eyes full of mirth and when he answers, you can tell he’s amused just from his voice alone, “No, actually. I didn’t even notice it the first time. And when he kept calling me it, well it’s not like I cared much so I just let him. It wasn’t that big of a deal.”
Namjoon stares at him perplexed, not sure how to respond to that.
And then, softly, as if he’s sharing a secret that no one else but him knows, “He needed me. It wasn’t a big deal at first because all that mattered was that Jungkook needed me.”
It’s quiet for a moment until Namjoon asks just as softly, “And now?”.
“I became a mom. I didn’t really realize it in the beginning but I’m a mom. How crazy is that? To suddenly have this kid coming to me for everything, as if me being there makes up for the whole world. All because of one kid who wanted his mom so bad that now he has two,” Hoseok says, incredulous, like he’s coming to the realization that he’s a mom all over again.
“I’m a mom, Namjoon. I know what it means to be one now. I know what it feels like when they say a mother’s love is unconditional. It’s like—,” he cuts himself off and turns to face Namjoon fully.
With an intensity that is usually reserved for performing, Hoseok looks into Namjoon’s eyes and speaks loud and clear, just to get his point across, “I’d do anything and everything for Jungkook. He’s mine. I know that he’s not mine biologically and I didn’t raise him for his whole life but he’s mine, Namjoon. He’s every bit as mine as he is anyone else’s.”
“And I’ll always be there,” he continues. “I’ll still be there even when he doesn’t need me anymore. I’ll love him unconditionally forever, no matter what happens. I just will. It’s hard to describe but even just from what I can tell you here, that’s what a mother’s love is. And I’m inexplicably lucky to be able to experience it.”
“I don’t know if I can ever fully explain it. Maybe, someday. But even so, I’m glad you and all the guys have been understanding and supportive. That’s all I could ever ask for.” Hoseok’s lips quirk up in a smile. Not one of his big, bursting with life smiles, the kind that can make anyone else smile too. No, Hoseok’s smile was small, and looked entirely too soft.
Namjoon looks at him and thinks that this is a side of Hoseok that is rare for him to witness. This side of Hoseok is what he’s seen mainly with Jungkook. Maybe, sometimes the rest of them too, but those moments are few and far between.
His question has been answered but now he has even more. Namjoon doesn’t say anything though, because he’s realized that this isn’t something he’s ever going to be able to understand.
—
Some months later, Namjoon happens to come across Hoseok and Jungkook on the couch in the dorm.
It’s a quiet day for the group. A rare day off in between working and everyone seems to be spending their day just relaxing in their own ways.
Jungkook’s sleeping, his body laid down across the couch and taking up most of the space. It’s a reminder of how much he’s grown; he used to be so much smaller, both physically and mentally.
But it seems some things will never change; not with the way Jungkook has his head on Hoseok’s lap, face buried in his stomach, and Hoseok carding a hand through Jungkook’s hair. Namjoon can even see Hoseok looking down with that fond, soft smile of his.
Looking at the two of them, Namjoon remembers the words spoken in the quiet of his studio a few months back, of Hoseok trying to explain what it means and feels like to be a mom, of him trying to understand and thinking that he never would. He remembers this and everything that is Jungkook and Hoseok’s relationship.
He remembers and muses that yeah, maybe he won’t ever understand their relationship, not fully anyway. But they’re his family, and he doesn’t need to understand everything to know that. It doesn’t matter whether he gets it or not. He knows and understands enough.
Their group has always been unconventional. More of a family than a group, really. Namjoon likes to think it just makes them even more special.