Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

    Will stared out the window, wistful and a bit anxious, as he drove back to Hawkins for the first time since he’d started college. At first he was worried the rust bucket hand-me-down of a car wouldn’t make it all 760 miles, but it seemed to be holding on–– barely. Crossing over four states to get home wasn’t ideal, but Will Byers had known since at least middle school that he needed to get out of small town USA. Moving to the East Village had been good for him, really good. New York City agreed with Will, he didn’t really have to hide anymore and he was closer to his brother at NYU. It was nice that he wasn’t totally alone, but still, Will Byers missed his childhood friends and the effortlessness that came with their camaraderie.

    It was almost Christmas, December of 1989, and as much as Will was looking forward to seeing his friends and family, something felt uncertain. There was a discomfort within him that he deeply understood, but didn’t want to. He had changed. A lot. Will was still quiet and a little shy, but he wasn’t that awkward self-doubting kid anymore. Will had a sort of confidence and self assuredness that he lacked back in Hawkins. In New York he’d become well liked in a new circle of friends, people who innately understood parts of him his Hawkins friends just couldn’t , or rather they didn’t because Will hadn’t told them.

    Since he started at the School of Visual Arts, Will felt immediately accepted. It was his dream school and he had been surprised when he’d gotten his acceptance letter and a decent scholarship. He was ecstatic to be studying at the same school that taught some of the greats he admired deeply. Illustrators and cartoonists like Spider-Man co-creator Steve Ditko, Sal Amendola, Herb Trimpe, and Keith Harring–– who he was more recently introduced to. For once in his life it made Will feel special, the good kind of special.  

    New York was nothing like Hawkins. It was alive with art and music and something Will never thought he would experience: an open and active queer scene. He’d dreamed of having some sort of community when he was in high school but didn’t think it was possible. And it wasn’t until he moved away. Since starting at SVA he’d met so many interesting people, been brought into an art collective, and invited to help illustrate for a Zine from time to time. He’d never even heard of a Zine before, but now he was creating whimsical expressive illustrations for a queer student organization and drawing up new monsters for an indie horror magazine. Opportunity had found him and he was in absolute awe.

    His new city friends found him “adorable”, frequently remarking on his naivety and wonder at everything. They constantly called him cute and wildly inexperienced, but it was never in a condescending or pitying way. They adored and admired him. They found him fascinating and always wanted to hear the wild stories about his childhood in Hawkins. The circles he ran with loved the stories about the Upside Down the most, though none of them knew they were real. They all just thought Byers had the most insane imagination. His friend Danny even told him he was a genius for using horror as a metaphor for being queer in small town America. “You should make that into a Graphic Novel, Byers. Your brain is really something else.”

    And Will could admit it was a good metaphor, but it wasn’t fiction. It was his life and he knew no one would ever understand. No one would ever grasp the depths of his nightmares or his trauma. All Will could do was keep up the lie peddled by Hawkins lab. At least he didn’t have to pretend he wasn’t queer too. He was still only 18 and had been in New York not 4 months, but he already felt like it was where he belonged. He’d made friends with painters, sculptors, actors and illustrators. He even found people who shared his love of d&d. Will had also done things he’d never dreamed of or thought he’d want to try. He went to parties and clubs and gay bars. It was wonderful.

    As he drove on the long stretch of road back to Hawkins, he already felt how much he missed it. But he also missed home, he missed his mom and Hopper. He missed his friends and wanted to see them so badly, though there was that nagging feeling again. He knew he’d have to tell them eventually, that he’d have to disclose the truth to the people he loved most. It was horrifying. He prayed that they’d still want him in their lives and that they’d still love him, but he couldn’t be certain. He especially couldn’t be certain with people from a town like Hawkins, the politics told him as much. The message was received loud and clear a long time ago: Will Byers was a disgusting, degenerate fag and all fags deserve to die.

    Being in New York taught him a lot of things. He’d learned about what it meant to be queer, what it was like to be visibly authentic, what it was like to really see the impact of AIDS. It was different than what he’d seen on TV, much more devastating, especially when you knew someone. One of the guys Will had gotten to know, Gordon, had tested positive. They all knew it was a death sentence and did their best to keep his spirits up, but now Will was party to the reality and it scared him. He knew the rumors and stories scared Hawkins too, likely his loved ones, though in a very different way. He felt a deep sense of anger and fear, both for him and his new community.

    As they drove through the Ohio countryside, Will’s mind drifted back to the party. He thought about how much he loved them, how much he missed them. He also began to think about all the feelings he’d repressed so deeply, his feelings for Mike. Despite moving away and meeting people he liked and was even attracted to, Will still hadn’t managed to shake his stupid school boy crush on his best friend. It made his chest ache whenever he thought about it. Stupid . Even his SVA and New York friends teased him about it when he’d told them.

“Of course the closeted little queer from Indiana has a crush on his best friend! It’s the classic unrequited love story, Byers. You’re nothing special you know. No need to be embarrassed, most of us have been there.” Luis winked with a knowing smile.

It was a good memory.

    The closer he and Jonathan got to Hawkins the more anxious Will felt. He couldn’t help but move every so often, trying to get comfortable in a car that felt entirely too small. Will could feel his brother’s eyes on him, eyes that tried to read into everything because they had reason too. The Byers boys had been through too much to not worry about each other.

“Will…” Jonathan drummed on the steering wheel as the Smiths played on the radio. “What’s going on in that complex head of yours?”

    Will didn’t acknowledge his brother for several moments. He kept looking out the window as they passed by cows out to pasture, corn fields, and gray skies. He rested his chin on his fist and inhaled deeply before he dove into a conversation he wasn’t sure he wanted to have.

“Thinking about home.”

“Yeah? Anything else on your mind, bud, you seem like you’re somewhere else.”

“Not really. I guess I’m just nervous to be going back. Things feel so different, I feel different .” Will still couldn’t look at Jonathan. The conversation was making him feel claustrophobic and he didn’t like where they might be headed.

“Nervous.” Jonathan hummed. “I hate to ask and I know you’re going to hate answering–– but why are you nervous? You’re going to see mom and Hop, and El, Max, Lucas, Dustin, and Mike. All the people who matter.”

Will swallowed hard when Jonathan mentioned his best friend. Will didn’t want to think about Mike. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to see him. Will didn’t want to admit to his brother that he and Mike had barely talked since they went to college, only occasional phone calls and letters. It hurt. It made Will resentful. Even worse it made him yearn. It made him yearn for any sort of closeness with his best friend.

“Yeah. People who matter.” Will felt his heart starting to beat uncomfortably fast. “I miss them, I do. But I feel kind of weird about it. I don’t know. Like I said, things are different.”

“That tends to happen when you grow up, for better or worse. But nothing will change what you guys went through together. You’ll always have that connection. I think stuff like that makes friendships last for life, don’t you?”

“Maybe.” Will hummed. “But what if it’s so different that we don’t have anything in common any more. What if they’ve all moved on and I haven’t? What if I’m too different?”

“I don’t know, Will. I don’t have all the answers, but if they really care about you and you care about them, you’ll make it work. And come on, you don’t seem all that different to me,” Jonathan smirked. “You’re still my little brother, you still draw monsters and comics, and you still worry about everyone else. Exactly the same, except for the hair. Your hair looks so much better now that mom’s not cutting it anymore.”

Jonathan laughed as he elbowed Will. It made him laugh too, made him smile to know that Jonathan was trying to reassure him. He wasn’t playing into his self pitying bullshit.

“You can thank Gina.” Will finally turned to face his brother. “The first week of school she had me in her dorm with a pair of scissors. I was so fucking grateful, too. I HATED that stupid bowl cut.”

“I know you did.”

There was an awkward silence for a while, just the sound of tires and thunder. Will really hoped that would be the end of the conversation, but Jonathan had unfortunately gotten much nosier since Will had moved up to college. Maybe it was because they could talk like adults now, though Will was positive it was the Byers family worry gene manifesting in full, uncomfortable force.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but I just want to make sure you’re okay, Will. You seem so nervous and I get the anticipation and fear, and I want you to know it’s okay if you’re different–– different than high school I mean. No one worth anything ever really stays how they were in high school. People change and grow. It’s not a bad thing. You can talk to me whenever, about anything. Okay?”

Will felt himself swallow hard again, a cold sweat beginning to break out on his neck, though this time it was very different than the mind flayer.

“I know. It’s just hard. To explain, I mean. It’s hard to talk about it.”

“Okay. So it’s hard. Lots of things are hard. I don’t want to push you, I just want you to know that you don’t have to hide stuff.”

Will huffed. He really didn’t want to do this.

“But you are pushing, Jonathan. Every time you say stuff like ‘you can talk to me, it’s okay to be different, you don’t have to hide anything’ I feel like you’re trying to trap me into talking about it! What if I want to hide things… what if it’s safer to?”

Jonathan’s shoulders dropped, his eyes grew sad and concerned.

“Will, I––“

“Don’t, Jonathan. I know you mean well, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay. I’ll drop it.”

    Will breathed a sigh of relief as the words hit his ears. He knew they weren’t done with this conversation, but at least for now he could ignore it just a little while longer. He loved his brother, but damn was he too concerned sometimes. Will took a deep breath once more, trying to push all the overwhelming thoughts out of his mind. He brought his eyes back to the landscapes passing by the window. Maybe he’d paint them someday, maybe he’d do a series of broody midwest landscapes to convey the things he feared. Here it was both too small-time and too vast. Fields threatening to trap you in their terrifying expanse, force you to get lost and run in circles trying to find the exit. Yeah, maybe that would pull him out.

Now Leaving Ohio came into view through the windshield. Will was bordering on home and he’d never been more terrified of what it meant to go back, to reinhabit all of the painful memories, the fond ones too. For some reason the good things scared him more.

Will opened his eyes, darkened empty back roads coming into view. They were almost home. He didn’t remember falling asleep, hell he hadn’t even been tired. It didn’t really matter, he was just grateful that his body pulled him out of the uncomfortable conversation with Jonathan. He did feel a bit stiff, though. His head was propped against the window and his neck was scrunched. He was strangely contorted and his mouth felt dry. Will stretched, trying to shake the remnants of sleep.

“What time is it?” He scrubbed his hands over his eyes.

“Uh, I think it’s close to 7? We should be home in less than an hour. Probably close to 45 minutes.” Jonathan clapped his brother on the back.

The word home repeated in Will’s mind like a broken record. There was that feeling again, that pesky anxiety tinged with shame he didn’t want to acknowledge.

“Oh, okay.”

Will could tell his tone sounded somber, like there was a sadness just behind his words. He hoped that Jonathan would ignore it, but Will knew his brother better than that. There’s no way Jonathan wouldn’t say something, even if it was 100% benign.

“You okay?” Jonathan took his eyes off the road for a moment, trying to get a bead on Will’s emotional state. “I know you said you don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t want you to feel like you need to be miserable, Will. I know you. Whatever’s going on, you’re worried it’ll upset me or mom, or whoever else. But it’s okay, I promise. You don’t have to shove everything down for the sake of others. You’re allowed to be vulnerable…”

 Will felt his grip tighten on the door handle. He’d been holding on both to ground himself and, subconsciously, it gave him the sense that he could escape if he wanted.

“I’m o–” 

He paused, lying to Jonathan repeatedly was starting to feel really shitty. Will had been lying to him a lot more since college. They were mostly benign lies, things that wouldn’t necessarily hurt anyone, but they were still lies. When Jonathan said he wanted to meet Will’s new friends and roommates, Will said they were busy. He said they couldn’t come every time Jonathan asked. It was to protect himself really. Will was open with his SVA friends, they knew his dirty little secret, they shared the same one. Just because he let him be himself around new people didn’t mean he was ready to tell his brother.

Will lied to his friends too. They kept asking to meet Jonathan after Will had said his brother was a senior at NYU. He told them that Jonathan was visiting his girlfriend Nancy up at Emerson. He told them Jonathan was working. He never told them that he saw him at least once a week. That they ate Chinese food together and watched movies and went to concerts. Will was terrified of mixing circles. He didn’t trust Joe, Danny, Gina, and Luis to keep a secret to save their lives. Besides, he’d lied and said Jonathan knew and accepted him. It's the truth he wanted.

“I’m not… I’m not fine.” Will let his head fall back on the headrest with enough force to shake the seat.

He could feel his brother’s eyes on him, feel a warm, comforting hand coming to rest on his shoulder.

“Will.” The tone was serious, stern even. “Whatever’s going on, I want to help you. I love you.”

“You say that.” His tone was accusatory.

“Will?” Jonathan sounded so hurt, it made Will feel guilty.

He might as well give his brother something, he couldn’t bear the heartbreak looming in Jonathan’s voice.

“I– I’ve changed a lot Jonathan. I’m not the same Will I was as a kid, or even this summer. I feel different. ” He didn’t want to sound angry or slightly disgusted, but he did. 

“What does that mean Will? I don’t understand.”

Will took a deep breath, it shook a little on the exhale.

“I was finally honest with myself. When I got to school I finally felt like I didn’t have to be ‘Hawkins Will’ anymore and now, going back? I’m terrified.”

“That’s totally understandable. Like I said, people grow and change. It doesn’t mean it’s bad Will. Just because you’ve grown up and seen the world–– the real world, not the bullshit small town life–– that doesn’t change who you are deep down. Okay?”

“That’s… that’s not really what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean, Will? I want to understand, but you have to help me. I can’t be here for you if you don’t tell me things.”

Will could hear the accusation, or he perceived it as accusatory. He knew his brother was right, no one can really support you if you hide your whole life from them.

“I’ve been lying to you.” Tears began to well in the corner of his eyes. “Since I started school I’ve turned into a giant fucking liar and I’m sorry. I don’t want to lie to you, Jonathan. I don’t want to lie to my friends or the party… it was just easier that way.”

“Will.” Jonathan’s voice broke. Will could tell he had started to cry too, even without looking at him.

“My friends… at school, my new friends. They were never really busy. They wanted to meet you, but I wouldn’t let them. I kept telling them you were working or with Nancy.”

“Why?” 

God, fuck… the hurt in Jonathan’s voice.

“Why, Will? Why would you want to keep me from meeting them? Are you ashamed of me or something?”

Ashamed. That word, that word hurt so much and it was true. Will was ashamed, but not of Jonathan. Never, ever, ever of Jonathan. He was ashamed of himself.

“No!” Will started sobbing. “No, I could never, ever be ashamed of you. You’re my brother! I love you and you’ve always been there for me and sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you.” He breathed another shaky exhale. “I’m not ashamed of you. It really hurts that you think that.”

“I don’t know what else to think, Will. You keep avoiding my question. I just want you to be honest with me.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want them to meet you… I didn’t want you to meet them. ”

Jonathan shot him a puzzled look. Will sighed, tears still streaming down his face.

“Fuck, this is hard.” He groaned. “I didn’t want you to meet them because I was worried they couldn’t keep their mouths shut.” 

“I don’t get it, what does that mean?”

“It means that they talk, a lot. And I don’t mean that to sound like an asshole. I like them, I really do. But they’re different. Different than the party–– and you.”

“Well, creative people tend to be different, Will. We’re freaks, remember?”

Will couldn’t help, but laugh. Jonathan was right. In some ways, all artists and musicians and writers were freaks. Like his brother said when he was in middle school, being a freak was a good thing. But Will and his new friends were a different kind of freaks and it scared him to admit it.

“Yeah, I guess.” A lump had begun to form in his throat. “I don’t know how to say this. Fuck.”

“It’s okay, bud. Take your time.”

“We’re the same kind of different. Me and my friends. Joe, Danny, Gina, Luis… it’s not like being a nerd and playing d&d or into Bowie and the Clash. It’s the first time in my life where I felt like other people really understood me in a way that no one in Hawkins does, even the party. And I love that about them, but they have no problem with being themselves in public or talking about it with other people. But I do. I didn’t want them to meet you because I was worried they would talk about it in front of you.”

Jonathan shot Will another confused look.

“Will, bud. You have to help me here. You’re being––”

“Vague? Yeah I know. I want to tell you, but I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared, Jonathan and my friends, they think I told you already because I lied to them.”

Jonathan squeezed Will’s hand, trying to reassure him. Will swallowed hard, it was now or never.

“They think you know I’m gay.”

Will heard the tires screech. Jonathan had come to an abrupt stop. He hadn’t even pulled over, they just sat there in the middle of the road.

“Jonathan!” Will shook his brother who now looked even more confused than before. His hands were clenched tight around the steering wheel. “Jonathan pull over!”

When his brother didn’t move, Will took matters into his own hands. He grabbed onto the wheel and turned it as he tried to nudge Jonathan’s foot towards the gas. Eventually they pulled onto the side of the road. As he struggled to put the car in park, he noticed the Welcome to Hawkins sign not 500 feet away. Will began to feel his heart beat erratically in his chest, his palms were sweaty, and he could hear his pulse drumming in his ears.

“Jonathan!” Will shook him one more time.

Jonathan finally jolted out of his sudden fugue-like state and turned to face his brother. 

“Jonathan?”

“Sorry, I just…I wasn’t expecting that. I thought maybe something really terrible happened. But everything makes sense now.” A slight smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“What?”

“You. You make sense. Everything just makes sense.” 

Jonathan moved uncomfortably close, invading Will’s personal space, and pulled him into the tightest hug he had ever received.

“I’m so proud of you, Will.” He sounded teary.

“Why? I lied to you.” 

The guilt was threatening to swallow him whole, that and the fear of what came next.

“Yeah, you did. But I understand, I’m not mad at you. I’m so proud of you. You’ve been keeping that in, hiding it. That had to be so fucking hard and lonely. I can’t imagine how much pain that must’ve caused. I’m so glad you told me, that you trusted me.”

“You are? You don’t hate me? You don’t think I’m a freak?” Will clasped his hands together, rubbing them nervously before combing his hands through his hair.

“Hate you? Will, you’re my brother. I could never ever hate you. Hell, if you killed someone I’d help you hide the body!”

Will laughed, tears still rolling down his cheeks, but he laughed. It was genuine, too.

“I was so afraid you wouldn’t want me in your life anymore, so I lied. I kept everything separate and quiet because I was so terrified of losing you. You have no idea how much I dreaded this conversation. I was having these nightmares that I would tell you I was gay and you’d…”

Will felt his voice crack, sadness flooding him again and guilt. He didn’t want to hurt Jonathan. Will knew what his subconscious had conjured would absolutely sting.

“I’d what?”

“I kept dreaming that I told you and in my dreams, in every single one, you acted like dad. You would tell me you hated me, that I was disgusting, that you never wanted to see me again. I was just so scared that deep down maybe you really would feel that way.”

Jonathan’s head dropped, he stared into his lap as he thought about Will’s words. He breathed deep, before Will heard his brother half sob, half chuckle.

“Your brain really is fucked up, huh?” He pulled his younger brother into a tight hug. “I would never act like dad. He’s a piece of shit and he doesn’t matter. You matter, Will. And I love you so, so much. And when we go back up to New York after break I want you to introduce me to your friends okay?”

Will smiled into Jonathan’s shoulder.

“Okay, I promise.” He laughed. “I’m warning you though, Joe… he’s a lot. But I think you’ll like him. I think you’ll like all of them. I know they’ll love you. But not as much as I do.”

“Ha, I would hope so!”

Will pulled away from the hug, a soft relieved smile firmly planted on his face. He leaned back into his seat, letting the tension he’d been carrying melt away a little. He looked at Jonathan again and nodded. His brother put the car in drive and pulled back onto the road. They were almost home.

“Jonathan?”

“Yeah, Will?”

“Thank you.” 

“For what?” His older brother laughed.

“For everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I didn’t do anything special.” Jonathan drummed on the steering wheel.

“Yeah, you did.” Will sighed, tears starting to pool again. “You didn’t give up on me, not once. You know how many people lose everything when they come out? I have one less person to worry about. I know you love me and I’m just so happy that you’re my brother. You’re a good person, Jonathan. The best.”

Will sniffled, trying to suppress all of the overwhelming emotions welling up inside.

“You know, I have the best brother too.” Jonathan elbowed him. “He’s always worrying about everyone else. He cares so, so much. He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s a damn great artist. And, he finally gets to be himself. I couldn’t be happier, Will. I really couldn’t.” 

Will was at a loss for words. He was speechless. He didn’t deserve Jonathan, but here he was. His brother accepted him like it was nothing. He didn’t kick him out and leave him on the side of the road. He loved him. He wanted to support him. Will couldn’t believe it. A huge weight was lifted off his shoulders, though it suddenly dawned on him that he might have to do this several more times while he was home. He didn’t want to, maybe he didn’t need to, but he at least needed to tell Joyce. He knew that much–– if not now, then eventually. But for now, Will felt at ease. He sat, just watching Hawkins go by as they got closer and closer to their house.

Jonathan finally pulled into the driveway, gravel crunching under the tires. The familiar sounds and sights drawing Will back to the present. He’d started daydreaming again. Now, though, now he was home. While he lamented being away from New York somewhat, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t grateful to be home for a bit. He missed his mom and he still felt bad about skipping out on Thanksgiving in Hawkins. Now he’d be making up for it. He hoped whatever he offered was enough. 

He opened the passenger’s side door and walked around to the trunk, meeting his brother as they gathered their belongings. As Will lifted his bags, he saw the shape of Joyce running towards her boys, arms outstretched. Before Will could take a step, he felt Jonathan lean in close, a whisper leaving his lips.

“So, Will. Any cute boys back in New York?” 

Will felt himself turn bright red, he dropped his suitcase on his foot, eliciting a noticeable wince. He quickly tried to recover as his brother chuckled at the chaos he just sowed. Will shot daggers at him before their mother approached, pulling her boys into a tight hug. She kissed each of them on the cheek and stared at them for a moment. 

“I’ve missed you both so much.” She smiled up at Will, who was noticeably taller than when he’d left for school. “Welcome home.”

She ushered her sons inside and helped them get settled. As she took a suitcase and showed them the dinner she’d left out for them, Will was suddenly realizing how much he’d missed her. Joyce was a bit neurotic, but she loved him. He thought about his conversation with Jonathan, how he just accepted him without a second thought. If Jonathan was always there for him, Joyce was too. Hell, she’d risked her life for him. He began to realize that if she’d travel into the upside down to save him, she’d do just about anything. There was still that nagging fear, that even though she loved him, being gay might just be the thing that takes it all away. But he loved her so damn much and he knew she loved him and now he wanted to tell her everything, everything.

Chapter Text

Will awoke to the smell of eggs, bacon, and of course, waffles. Either Hopper was on an Eggo’s kick again or El was home. Either way, Will smiled softly to himself as he thought about spending time with his family. He’d missed them. El wasn’t there last night when they got back, Joyce had said something about her spending the night at Max’s. Will was secretly glad that she wasn’t around when they came home. He was terrified she would know something was up with him and Jonathan. Will was too exhausted to play 4-D chess inorder to keep their heart-to-heart conversation private just a little longer. El was great, however she just knew things and sometimes it made Will uncomfortable.

    He breathed in deeply as he relished in the comfort of his bed. There were so many memories in this room, reminders of all that he’d gone through. Yet, even with the pain, there was comfort here. It was familiar and sometimes familiar was perfectly fine. He clung to the comfort, clung to the memories he’d made with Jonathan listening to mixtapes, clung to the late night walkie-talkie chats with his childhood friends, and all the sleepovers and movie nights. When he had nightmares at school, which of course he still did, he tried to cling to the familiar. It helped a little, thinking of the people–– not Hawkins itself, not all that happened here–– but the people who got him through it.

Will knew he should greet the day and catch up with El, his mom, and Hop–– his step dad. It still felt weird to call him that, but it was nice. It was nice to have a father figure who didn’t treat you like garbage and threaten to beat the shit out of you when he was drunk. Will was happy for his mom, happy that their family was finally resembling something semi-normal . Though he knew nothing about their lives up to this point was normal, he still loved the Byers-Hopper clan nonetheless. Home felt safe again.

Will finally mustered up enough energy to get out of bed. Part of him wanted to stay there. As his brain became more awake, a plethora of anxieties he desperately wanted to ignore came flooding back. He was determined to forget about them for a little while, so he threw off the blankets, put on whatever was readily clean and made his way to the kitchen. Even though he was home, part of him would’ve felt awkward walking around in his underwear, especially now that he had a sister. Will, ever conscious of others’ comfort, made sure to be decent. He didn’t want to add more kindling to the shame fire slowly smoldering inside of him.

He entered the kitchen, careful and a little too hyper vigilant of how he moved and the space he occupied. A force of habit. His mom, Jonathan, El, and Hopper were all seated around the table, fresh eggs and steaming coffee inviting Will to join them. As quiet as he was, his approach still alerted his step-sister. El’s eyes lit up, a soft smile excited to greet him. She pushed her chair out quickly from the table and rushed towards him, pulling Will into a tight hug.

“Will!” He could hear the excitement in her voice. “I have really missed you–– a lot.”

She pulled away, studying him as if she was learning something new.

“You are taller than when you left.” She giggled. “And your hair!”

Will couldn’t help but laugh, it was awkward and a bit stilted, but it was genuine. He combed his fingers through his now feathered fringe. His new friend Gina had told him she was going for David Bowie in his Let’s Dance era. At first Will was terrified of this petite, feisty girl with big curly hair, arms weighted with bangles, and bright red cowboy boots, but he soon found she was harmless–– mostly. When she’d forced him on to a kitchen stool and went at his head with a pair of scissors only a week into knowing each other, he thought she was crazy. But now? Now Will was so, so grateful that she freed him from the bowl cut.

“What, you don’t like it?” Will tried to feign disappointment, playing into being the type of brother who teases.

“No. I love it.” El smiled as she dragged him towards the table. “Come on, Will. You have to eat. I helped Jonathan make waffles.”

Will eyed the table closely, more so than he had before. He watched as his brother and Hopper worked at their own meals. Will’s eyes met the chief’s, who gave him a little nod.

“Welcome home kid, good to have you back.”

“Good to be back.” He scratched his head before returning his attention to El, having taken in the scene before him.

“Real waffles? Not eggos?”

“Yes, real waffles.” She laughed, playfully hitting his shoulder.

    El looked so proud as she pushed a plate of syrup drenched waffles in front of him. He smiled up at her, in awe of her excitement. She sat beside him and returned to her breakfast, taking a generous bite before looking back at him. There was that studious look in her eyes again, the look that told Will she was searching for something to pull out of him, even if he wasn’t ready or aware of just what it was exactly. Her motives were benign of course, but that didn’t stop the discomfort stirring in Will’s gut.

“What?” He questioned.

His step-sister adopted a quizzical look.

“You seem… different.” Her tone was softer.

“Yeah? Bad different or good different?” He swallowed a bite, though it seemed to catch in his throat, melding into the now present lump.

“I don’t know. Just different.”

    Will’s mind began spiraling, trying to decipher exactly what that meant, what it could mean. He told himself not to panic, but Will Byers was almost always in fight or flight mode. All he could do was nod and pretend it wasn’t eating away at him. Thank god he wouldn’t have to keep it up for too long.

“How’s school, kid? Make any friends? How do you like New York?” Hopper raised his fork as he quizzed his step-son.

“Uh, it’s good.” Will brushed the back of his neck. Old habits die hard. “I really like it. I like it a lot. And yeah, I’ve made some friends. They’re pretty cool,” Will looked at El and smiled. “But not as cool as you and the party. I think you’d like them though.”

“That’s great.” Hopper clapped Will on the back. “Your mom and I–– uh, we’re real proud of you. You know? After all the shit you’ve been through, it’s nice to see you coming into your own.”

“Hop’s, not just saying that, sweetie. We are so proud of you. I’m proud of you.” Joyce reached to squeeze his hand

Never in Will’s wildest dreams did he ever think he’d be having a conversation like this with Jim Hopper. He never thought he’d have a father who was proud of him. Now, though, he really couldn’t ruin it. Even if part of him believed his mom might still accept him if he came clean, he was certain telling Hopper was a terrible idea. For now, Will would let him play the role of proud dad and relish in the pride he’d never thought he’d earn.

“That… that means a lot. Thanks.” Will hated how his smile was weak, how it faltered. But he wore it anyway. “I like New York, I think it’s been good for me… but I’m really glad to be home. I missed you guys.”

“We missed you too.”  Joyce gave him another gentle squeeze. “It seems like you’re doing really well in the city. I want to hear all about it. I know we talk on the phone, but I miss you so much and I just want to see your face when you tell me about all your new friends and your classes and whatever else you’ve been doing in the big city.”

“Yeah… it’s not the same over the phone.” Will let his mom plant a kiss on his forehead. 

“So, sweetie, tell us all about school! We’re dying to know what you’ve been up to.”

    Her smile was so endearing and warm and it made Will’s chest ache. Yet, he felt anxiety rising inside of him, threatening to force him into uncomfortable silence. But he didn’t want to deny his mom the chance to catch up. He did want to share with her, but he wasn’t so sure he wanted to do it over breakfast with their entire blended family present. His eyes darted nervously, flicking from El to Hopper to Jonathan. When his gaze met his brother’s he was greeted with an encouraging nod and a soft smile. It helped relieve some of the tension he was carrying at least.

“Sure, yeah. School’s been great. I really like my classes, the professors are incredible too! A lot of them have worked on some really big projects in advertising or illustrating books and magazines. It's inspiring, honestly. I feel like I really belong. Best of all? I’m never really bored.”

He heard a subtle gasp from El.

“Never bored?”

“Well… maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but yeah there are tons of interesting places and people.”

“And you said you’re making friends?” Joyce placed her hand over his, her eyes hopeful.

Will huffed a soft laugh. “Yeah, yes. I’ve made a couple of friends. They’re great. In fact, one of them–– her name’s Gina–– she cut my hair the first week we met. We have a figure drawing class together.” He smiled fondly at the memory.

“ Ooh Gina.” Hopper cooed, his tone suggestive.

“It’s not like that.” Wil darted his eyes back towards his meal. “We’re just friends. She’s great, really funny and super talented, but we’re just friends.” He shoved a bite of eggs into his mouth, hoping no one else would imply anything.

“She sounds great, sweetie.”

“She is. And so are my other friends–– Joe, Danny, Luis, and… Gordon.” Will felt his voice darken when he said Gordon’s name, a tinge of sadness as he thought about the awful road ahead for his friend.

“You sound sad, Will.” El had a puzzled look on her face. “They are your friends and you like them? But you sound sad.”

“I’m not sad.” He protested. “I just, Gordon’s a senior and he…” Will was about to manipulate the truth, something he was becoming uncomfortably familiar with. “He’ll be moving to San Francisco when he graduates.”

El’s inquisitive glare remained, keeping Will in the hot seat.

“Why do you lie?” She asked. It wasn’t accusatory so much as worried.

“I’m not lying!” Will protested. His eyes swam with guilt, he couldn’t look at her.

“Will.” 

“I’m not–– I.” He was grappling with the weight of the truth. Will sighed deeply. “Okay. Maybe I’m not being totally honest. It’s just that I feel kinda weird talking about it, like it’s not my thing to talk about.”

“About what, honey?” Joyce chimed in.

“About Gordon. He’s–– He’s sick.”

“Is it bad?”

El still had such an innocence about her from time to time. Despite all that she was capable of, sometimes she still seemed like she was a kid.

“Yeah. It’s bad. He was okay when we first met, but he’s gotten a lot worse recently. He goes to the hospital a lot.”

Will noted the way Hopper’s eyes flicked away from him. He carried a lot of pain and sadness in him. Will was only vaguely aware of the situation with his daughter Sara, but he could infer that perhaps the chief had faced similar circumstances.

“Like cancer?” Hopper rubbed his jaw.

“Something like that.” Will moved his food around aimlessly, he didn’t want to linger on the subject.

“Oh, Will. I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

“It is what it is. We all try to be positive about it. Gordon has a good sense of humor at least. They all do.” He switched the subject. “They all make fun of me––” He smirked. “It's not mean or anything. They just tease me about how I think everything is so cool and different from Hawkins. Joe thinks it's funny to tell everyone I’m ‘from the boonies’ and he constantly calls me ‘Boonies Byers’. I don’t mind it honestly. It is kind of funny because it’s true. At least no one calls me ‘Zombie Boy’ anymore.”

Will half laughed as he remembered the first time he was gifted the nickname. It was the group’s first time drinking together and Will’s first time drinking, period. He’d gotten so wasted he started singing Country Roads at the top of his lungs at 2 am walking down Christopher street. It wasn’t good singing either. His friends all thought it was hilarious.

“Well, I’m so glad things are going well. Like Hop said, we’re proud of you.”

Joyce’s words tugged at his heart strings. Her face alight, her hands holding his, he didn’t feel he deserved any of it. He had no choice but to accept the tight hug he soon found himself wrapped in. He let himself lean into her just a little, trying to bask in whatever affection he could get before he potentially ruined it all.

    They soon finished their meal and began to go about their mornings, but Will lingered in the kitchen with his mother. He hovered awkwardly at first before approaching the sink and offering to dry the dishes as she washed them. Will was always trying to be helpful, it made him feel worthy of love when he could be of use. They washed and dried in silence for a while before Will let out an audible sigh, shoulders dropping as he psyched himself up. The change in his demeanor obviously alerted Joyce, she was always vigilant around him.

“Will? Honey, are you okay?”

He put the plate he was toweling down gently in the dish rack and immediately straightened his spine.

“Mom, when we’re done, can we talk?”

“Of course, sweetie. You can always talk to me.”

“I know. It's just hard sometimes–– to say how you feel, I mean.”

“I understand.” Joyce smiled softly at him, wiping her hands dry before putting them on his shoulders. “Sometimes being vulnerable is scary.”

She kissed him on the cheek before pulling him into a comforting hug. Will nodded, his posture relaxing a little. He wanted to tell Joyce everything, he really did. He just wasn’t sure how, and deep down that doubtful part of him kept screaming this was a terrible idea.

“It is–– scary I mean. But I think maybe I just need to… let myself be scared.”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with, honey. I’m here.”

“Thanks, mom. I know.” Will paused. “Could we go to my room to talk? Just you and me?”

“Of course.”

Joyce held him tightly for a few more moments before following her youngest son to his childhood bedroom. 

    The door opened slowly, almost as if it mirrored Will’s trepidation. He inhaled deeply before crossing the threshold and making his way towards his still unmade bed. Fortunately his mom didn’t seem to mind the mess. She simply kept that ever-present soft smile she wore when she knew her boy needed her. Will sat on his bed, knee bouncing with anxiety as he waited for Joyce to join him. He felt his mattress sink a little as she sat beside him, her hand cupping his in an attempt to reassure him everything would be alright.

“I don’t even know where to start.” Will sighed, looking at the floor. His brain had decided looking at Joyce would make this even harder.

“Take your time, Will. I can be patient, don’t worry.”

“I know…” He chuckled, trying to ease his own tension. “It’s just difficult–– to be vulnerable , I guess. Like you said.”

Will looked around his room, taking in all the comforting and familiar things decorating the space: band posters Jonathan gifted him, old birthday cards on his cork board, his Earthsea books, and of course his old D&D binder. He took another deep breath.

“On the drive home yesterday, I had a lot of time to think–– to think about stuff I’ve tried to ignore for a really long time because it was just so painful. ”

He felt tears beginning to well up, threatening to make this even harder. Damn, Will was tired of crying.

“I think… I’ve been really scared for a long time. Scared of the truth, of myself.”

“Yourself?” Joyce’s voice sounded like it was on the verge of breaking. It was the same quiver she adopted when she knew her son was in pain, physically and emotionally.

“Yeah. I know how that sounds. It sounds awful and messed up. But for a long time I’ve just felt so different from everyone else–– and when you’re different, sometimes… sometimes you feel like a mistake.”

The flood gates opened. Tears began to stream down Will’s face whether he wanted them to or not.

“A mistake?! Will, you are not a mistake, sweetie. How could you say that about yourself? You really think that?”

“Sometimes, yeah… I don’t want to! I don’t want to feel that way, but I do. I’ve felt it for a long time. I’ve known for a long time that I’m not like other people. I always felt like there was something wrong with me or like I was cursed or something.” He ran his fingers through his hair, clutching tightly to his locks as he tried to ground himself.

“I think I understand.” Joyce’s voice was soft, almost a whisper. “You’ve been through so much, Will. Way more than anyone your age ever should. Of course you feel scared and different. It makes sense that you would feel that way. Our lives have been anything but simple, anything but normal.” She wrapped her arm around his shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze.

    Will so badly wanted all of the feelings swirling inside of him to be solely the result of the Upside Down and the trauma it caused, but it was so much more than that.

“Yeah, to an extent. That’s definitely part of it. Being stuck in the Upside Down, the Mindflayer, Vecna… yeah it was all really awful. It was horrifying and messed up and I still have nightmares, but, even before all of that… Before all of that started, I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. Since I was little.”

“Will, baby, tell me. Whatever it is, I promise it’ll be okay. I love you so, so much and nothing could change that, okay.”

“It’s funny,” Will managed a smile through the tears. “Jonathan said almost the exact same thing last night.”

Joyce just stared at him, her eyes worried and intense.

“When we were driving home, I guess he could sense I was pretending to be okay. It made me think about a lot of things, stuff I thought I’d never tell anyone… When El said I seemed different at breakfast, she wasn’t wrong. The thing is I always have been, I think I just finally started to accept it.”

“Different isn’t bad, sweetie.”

Will felt himself smile again. Wow, Joyce and Jonathan were more alike than he thought.

“Yeah, but some different is. In New York, I haven’t really had to worry about that though. People accept me, my friends accept me. They’re…. like me. And like I said to Jonathan, for the first time in my life I wasn’t afraid to be different around them because I knew it was safe. Growing up here in Hawkins, I never felt like I could be myself. I felt like I had to hide something that I’ve come to realize I can’t just wish away or pretend doesn’t exist.”

Joyce rubbed her hand up and down Will’s forearm, trying to comfort him. At this point he was almost sobbing, constantly afraid of what might happen. Though he kept hanging on to hope it would be like it was with Jonathan.

“Honey, whatever it is, you don’t have to hide it from me. I’m your mom.”

“I want to believe you, I really do. It’s just that all my life people have said things. They’ve said things that hurt so bad it feels like a knife in my chest, like the wound just gets bigger and bigger. Kids at school, they always bullied me. It was like they could sense that something was wrong with me. They said all these terrible things––Dad said terrible things. And it hurt so fucking bad because I know he meant it… I know how he really feels about me. Those things? I internalized them and I hated myself for such a long time because I knew I upset him by just fucking existing.”

Will could sense the drop in Joyce’s posture, he knew her heart had probably plummeted into her stomach. She became that way any time he mentioned how his dad treated him. Will knew she held on to a lot of guilt, but it wasn’t her fault. She did her best. 

Joyce was incredibly still for a moment while her son just cried in her arms. 

“Oh, Will, baby. I am so, so sorry Lonnie hurt you, that he said those really awful things to you. He’s an asshole. I know he’s your dad, but he never acted like it and I’m sorry. The things he said––I never felt that way about you, I hope you know that. You’re my Will. My sweet, kind, incredible Will.”

She pulled him in closer, kissing him on his forehead as he cried.

“I know you mean well mom, I know that you want to protect me, but the things dad said–– the stuff Troy, James, and the other kids said, they weren’t wrong.” Will swallowed hard, finally plucking up the courage to make eye contact with Joyce. “I am queer. I’m a fairy, a fag–– whatever you wanna call it. I am. ” Will felt his voice breaking as he spoke.

Joyce didn’t say a word, she just pulled her boy in even closer–– if that was at all possible. She started to cry along with him, a slight shake in her shoulders and sniffling sound filling the silence. She just held him, rocking her son, trying to ease his pain.

“William Byers. I love you, no matter what I will always love you. I am your mother! You could rob a fucking bank and I would still love you. There is nothing in the world that would ever take away the fact that you are my son. Nothing, do you hear me?”

Will had only heard his mom use this stern of a tone a few times in his life. She must really be serious.

“ Fuck .” Will finally exhaled, finally let himself collapse into Joyce and accept the comfort. “You have no idea how relieved I am, mom. I was so scared of ever having this conversation. I really thought I would die before I ever told anyone and now here I am spilling my guts to you and Jonathan within the span of 24 hours.”

“So your brother knows?” Joyce thumbed his tears away.

“Yeah, he knows.” Will said, a genuine smile making an appearance. “I’m glad, too. I’m glad I don’t have to hide it from you guys anymore. I was so scared of this giant horrible secret and what might happen if it ever came out… but now I know. I know you love me and I’m sorry I ever doubted that. I was so afraid of losing you and Jonathan. It was eating me inside.”

“You could never lose me, Will. Not ever.”

Will hugged Joyce back, squeezing her tighter than he thought he could, but she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she leaned into the hug, letting her son melt a little. She let him release all of those anxieties into the squeeze and squeezed him right back.

“I love you mom.”

“I love you too, Will. Always.”

Chapter Text

It was a little under a week until Christmas and Will still hadn’t seen his friends. He’d already been home for a few days, but for some reason he was too afraid to leave his house outside of running errands with his mom, El, or Jonathan. Well, he knew the reason, he just didn’t want to admit it. He would’ve expected at least one of the party to call by now and ask if he was around, but no one had. Maybe he should be the one calling and making plans instead. It was so much easier when they were kids. He began wondering if maybe some of them were still enroute to Hawkins or if maybe they were visiting relatives. As far as Will knew however, Max, Dustin, Lucas, and Mike were all back. Then came the doubt–– what if they didn’t want to see him?

He quickly pushed the thought away, mind returning to possible explanations and reasonings. Mostly he just ruminated. If El had visited Max his first night home, then that meant Lucas was likely here too–– seeing as they both went to UCLA. Will remembered from his last phone call with Dustin that he wasn’t spending break with Suzie, he’d said something about her parents and how they would freak out if he even stepped foot in Utah. Right, Suzy was Mormon and Dustin wasn’t. Will didn’t get it really, not letting people be together just because they were different religions, but then again it seemed a large majority of people were under the impression that if Will ever fell in love that would be a sin, too. 

He sighed as he sat on his bed, knees drawn in close, a sketchbook delicately balanced in his lap. Since going to school Will had taken up the practice of sketching every day if he could–– even if it was just for ten minutes. He found it helped take his mind off things. Drawing was his therapy, his main source of comfort. So he sketched away, absentmindedly doodling some ideas he’d been toying with for the next Zine issue. Though today, he couldn’t quite clear his mind. His thoughts kept circling back to his friends, both here and in New York. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t just the slightest bit lonely. When he was younger he used to spend almost every day with the party, now he was lucky if they talked a couple of times a month.

Will understood that people get busy, that life is much more complicated the older you get, and yet he wished for more. In his time at school he had strangely heard from Max, Lucas, and El the most. Not that he minded, he had just been friends with the rest of the party longer. And sure El was his sister now, but they checked in with each other often because they genuinely liked each other. It was nice. He’d been receiving postcards and letters from Max and Lucas, periodic updates and questions about his life finding their way into his P.O. box. Yeah, long distance calls were expensive so he was fine with writing letters, but damn did he miss hearing people’s voices. Most of all though, he missed talking to Mike. 

It was weird. Mike had decided to go to Emerson, just like Nancy. With his grades, he had no problem getting in and it was no secret to anyone that you had an easier time getting accepted to a school as a legacy student. In truth, Emerson wasn’t that far from New York City, Boston is less than a 4 hour drive and Jonathan made the trip pretty often. But Will and Mike? They hadn’t seen each other since August and it made Will’s chest ache. He had to admit he hadn’t really made too much of an effort to reach out, but he was honestly scared. He was worried it would be awkward or that he’d say something incriminating and ruin their friendship. So Will rarely called, he was partially to blame.

He remembered complaining about the Mike situation to Danny around Thanksgiving. After their failed attempt at hooking up, his friend let him vent his frustrations. It was sweet of him, though it baffled Will that they remained friends after he’d accidentally led him on. Will was so grateful that things never got awkward between them after a drunken half-mistake the week before. But Danny just listened to him, comforted him even. It made Will miss him, a fond warmth spreading through his chest as he thought about their conversation.

“I don’t know… I just wish that things were different. I wish that he’d call me more or that I’d get letters from him like I do with Jane or Max and Lucas. I mean he sends me one occasionally, but things aren’t how they used to be, Danny. We used to talk all the time. He’s my best friend and I feel like I barely know who he is anymore.”

“You miss him a lot, huh?” His friend hooked his arm around his shoulder.

“You have no idea.”

“I think I do ,” Danny laughed. “I’m not sure if you remember, but this past weekend when we got drunk, you started sobbing. You told me you were in love with him. ”

Will remembered how he turned bright red, how embarrassment overtook him. He buried his face in his hands and shook his head.

“God, I was hoping you wouldn’t remember that.” Will groaned.

“I’m sorry, Byers, but I do.” He let out a deep laugh. “You were so wasted you were barely making sense. It was kind of cute, honestly.”

“Yeah, but I ruined the moment… that wasn’t fair.”

“I wouldn’t say ruined… You were drunk anyway.”

“You were drunk too!”

“Yeah, but you were way more fucked up than me. Besides, it wasn’t a good idea anyway. I’d hate for you to regret anything, even if it was nice in the moment.” Danny smiled.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because I like you?” It was almost as if Danny was offended Will even had to ask.

“Even after I told you how much I’m quote: In love with Mike?”

“Yeah, even after that.” His friend laughed. “You want to think you’re so special. That you’re tortured, Will.” His tone was sarcastic. “And maybe you ARE, but so is almost every other queer I’ve ever met. So no, you confessing your love for your childhood best friend doesn’t make me hate you, it makes you fucking relatable. I felt kind of special that you were so vulnerable with me…”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And, besides, like Joe said: what gay kid hasn’t fallen for their straight friend? It's a cliché at this point.” Danny squeezed his shoulder. “Do you wanna know what I think?”

“I don’t know… do I?” Will swallowed hard.

“Maybe, maybe not. But even if you don’t, I’m telling you anyway. I think that you’re afraid of your own feelings–– even though they’re perfectly fucking normal–– and you’re scared that if you’re yourself around Mike, that you’ll lose him. But, Will, from what it sounds like, you’ve been yourself this whole time… minus telling the world you’re gay. ” Danny had this smirk that Will wasn’t sure was terrifying or reassuring. “And your whole life, it seems like Mike made you feel like you could be yourself, that you mattered, and that’s special. You’re scared of losing that and so you’re blaming him for not talking to you, but in reality… you’ve been the one locking doors.”

Will remembered how it felt like his heart stopped for a moment. His face felt hot and he knew he’d been drained of all color. Danny simultaneously validated him and ripped him to shreds. He confronted him with a truth he didn’t want to admit.

“Wow…”

“Yeah, wow. And, Byers? You ever think that maybe part of Mike is scared, too?”

Will ruminated on those words: Maybe part of Mike is scared, too… It drove him crazy, it made him sick, thinking of all the ways in which he wanted Mike. He thought it would be better once they got to college, that meeting other people would take his mind off what shouldn’t even be a stupid schoolboy crush. But no, the distance and time apart made the pining worse. It left space for Will to contemplate all of the what ifs and alternate realities in which he could love Mike Wheeler. It hurt, it made him yearn, and it made him spill his guts to people he was only just getting to know. 

What Will had failed to tell Danny, was that his best friend, the guy he was hopelessly in love with, was infatuated with and dating his step-sister. How could he tell Danny anyway? Will already felt like a freak in too many other ways, he didn’t need to be a shitty creep on top of everything else. He felt like an asshole. In all honesty it was more than a little fucked up, in Will’s mind at least. Wanting someone he couldn’t have, whether it be social taboo or downright off limits, felt incredibly selfish. He couldn’t help it though. He couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried, seem to get over Mike. He was disappointed in himself and angry that the universe couldn’t just let him be happy. All Will wanted was to be happy.

    A sudden knock on the door snapped Will out of his thought spiral. He jolted upright, sketchbook and pencil flying out of his lap.

“Will?” It was El.

“Y-yeah?” 

She had startled him, it was obvious in his voice.

“Are you okay?” She was apologetic.

“Yeah, I’m fine. You can come in if you want.”

His bedroom door squeaked open, El’s smiling face peering out from behind.

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

Will blinked rapidly, trying to reintegrate himself into the present and get his heartbeat back to normal.

“Sure! I’ll be right out.” He tried to sound enthusiastic–– and he was, he wanted to spend time with her. He just couldn’t get his brain to shut up and it frustrated him.

El nodded and said something about making popcorn while Will collected himself. Eventually he made his way to the living room. It seemed it was just the two of them, the rest of their family either at work or off somewhere else. It was nice though, it had been a while since they’d spent one on one time together. He missed it. Will smiled fondly as he saw El curled up on the couch. She was wrapped in a thick fluffy blanket with a huge bowl of popcorn beside her and two mugs of hot chocolate in hand.

“What are we watching?” He asked as he sank onto the couch and accepted the drink.

“Joyce rented some movies. They are all Christmas ones. I hope that’s okay? This one is called ‘Gremlins’ and this one is ‘Scrooged’.” She pointed to the dust jackets.

“I really like ‘Gremlins’ , it’s funny and the special effects are great.” Will picked up the tape.

“You’ve seen it before?” She sounded disappointed.

“Yeah, but it’s been a long time since I watched it!” He tried to reassure her. “And I liked it the first time, so I don’t mind watching it again.”

“Really?”

“Really. If you want to watch it, I want to watch it.”

Her smile returned, soft and appreciative. 

    Being ever conscientious of others and possessing an overwhelming need to be helpful, Will decided he should pop in the tape. After all, El had gone through the trouble of making cocoa and popcorn for them, not to mention the fact she looked incredibly cozy. Will decided he should repay the favor. He hopped off the couch and set up the movie. As he went through the motions he could once again feel El’s inquisitive gaze. He knew she could likely sense whatever discomfort he was carrying around, but he decided it was best not to dwell on it. Maybe if he ignored her concern, she wouldn’t bother digging. 

    For a while it worked. The pair sat, curled up with their snacks, and watched as Gizmo the mogwai accidentally got wet. Will smiled as he watched his step-sister’s reaction to the sudden abundance of furry little creatures trilling and scurrying on screen. Her laugh could warm even the coldest heart and her excitement was contagious. It took Will’s mind off things for a while. He was happy to spend time with her.

“They are so cute.” El’s voice was just above a whisper, her sense of awe coming through. 

“Ha, sure. They’re cute now .” Will laughed, trying not to spoil anything.

“What do you mean now , Will? Does something happen to them?!”

“I’m not gonna ruin the movie!” He tried to ignore the puppy dog look in her eyes. “You just have to watch.” 

Will kept his mouth shut until he felt El grab his hand tightly. Her eyes went wide as she watched the scene where Stripe and the other gremlins transform into grotesque little monsters. He squeezed her hand back, reassuring her. In all honesty the movie wasn’t that scary, again, he’d seen it before. But he had to admit the gremlin creature designs and slime effects resembled the upside down and demogorgon slightly. He started to feel a little bad.

“You okay?” he whispered, leaning in to check on his sister.

“I am okay.” 

He squeezed her hand again and they watched the rest of the movie without a word. In the end, El seemed to enjoy it and Will was just happy he wasn’t moping around in his room anymore. Now that the movie was over however, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He could feel how awkward and tense his body language was, but he didn’t know how to fix it, so he just sat in silence while the credits rolled. 

“Will?”

El’s voice seemed incredibly distant for a moment, repeating over and over in hushed echoes until he felt himself being shaken out of his daze.

“Huh? Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” 

He contemplated the question for a while, unsure of how to answer. He knew he needed to, if not to placate her concern, then it was for his own sanity.

“I guess?” Was the best he could come up with.

“You guess?”

“Yeah, I guess.” He noted the confused look in her eyes, though he was still unsure how to approach the question.

“What do you mean, you guess. Are you okay or not?”

Will let out a deep sigh. Sometimes he wished El was better at grasping nuance, though he loved her anyway. It wasn’t her fault that she had barely socialized until she met the party.

“I’m okay-ish.” 

“Okay-ish?”

“Like halfway good halfway bad…” He leaned his head against the couch.

“Why?” 

The question was so sincere. He knew she was worried about him, but he wished she wasn’t. He wished so badly that she wasn’t.

Once more he sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face.

“I don’t know really.” He lied, immediately wincing at his new found habit. “I mean, I guess I just… I feel kind of lonely. Like everyone forgot about each other.”

“The party?”

“The party.” He parrotted. “I haven’t heard from anyone and I don’t know–– it just feels kind of shitty being back and just sitting in my room for the past few days. I mean you saw Max already and I just kind of thought that we’d all have hung out by now. I don’t know, I’m probably overreacting.”

He glanced at her briefly, trying to pick up any hints of what she might be thinking. Whatever she might say. Whatever was going on in her head, it scared him. He was both in awe of her and intimidated. 

“ No one has called? Not even Mike?” She sounded apologetic and concerned. 

“No. Not even Mike.” He couldn’t help how his voice sounded choked up as he said his best friend’s name. There was that ever lurking pain and fear of abandonment manifesting in his throat.

“Will,” She took her hands in his. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel left out with Max. I didn’t know when you would be home.”

Now Will felt guilty. He felt guilty that his feelings were making El upset. Maybe not upset, but now she seemed to feel bad that she might have hurt him.

“No, it's okay. You’re not obligated to include me in everything.” He flashed her a sad smile. “You’re allowed to hangout with people whenever you want. I don’t mind. I just wish that at least one of them called or something. Maybe they forgot.”

Will was grateful he was able to clip his sentence before he could utter: it’s not like it’s the first time they forgot about me. He was trying to be more mature about things, trying to be more understanding that other people had different motivations and obligations. It didn’t make it hurt any less, however.

He sighed, eyes flicking back to his sister.

“Have you heard from Mike?” He hoped he didn’t sound as desperate and jealous as he felt.

Will sat, patiently awaiting El’s reply. He wasn’t prepared for what came next. At the mention of Mike’s name, El’s shoulders dropped and her head hung low. There was a wistfulness in her eyes that utterly baffled him.

“El? Are you okay?” 

She looked up at him, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes as she attempted a weak smile.

“I am okay.”

“No you’re not.” He argued as gently as possible. “Did something happen with Mike?”

His voice was incredibly worried, slight anger tinging his tone. Mike was his best friend, hell he was head-over-heels in love with him, but if he hurt El… Well, Will wasn’t sure what that would mean or how it would make him feel.

“Mike broke up with me.” She half sobbed, half laughed.

Will fell silent. He was utterly shocked, gobsmacked. His mind was racing, trying to piece together a puzzle that was missing so, so many pieces. For Will, this seemed to come out of nowhere. He’d had no indication that anything was wrong between the pair and now he felt deeply confused–– and a bit of something else that made him feel ashamed.

“Mike broke up with you? When?!” He felt his voice crack slightly.

“Around Thanksgiving.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

    Will didn’t mean to sound accusatory, he didn’t want to hurt her further, but he was incredibly emotional. He was trying to understand how this happened and why, the sister he thought he’d gotten so close with, had kept something so devastating and important from him. 

“What do you mean?” El’s nose was now slightly red as she tried to suppress tears.

“Why didn’t you tell me you guys broke up? Do you not trust me or something? I thought… I thought we didn’t lie to each other.”

He watched as her expression changed from mildly sad, to deeply hurt. He just accused her of being dishonest, something that was one of their biggest promises–– they wouldn’t lie to each other. Though technically, Will was being dishonest about his feelings for Mike. El didn’t have to know he was omitting information.  

“You think I don’t trust you?” Her voice shook. “No. No, Will I trust you… it’s just, Mike said he would tell you. When I saw him in November he told me he wanted to tell you––that it would be better if he said it.”

Will felt his face flush a bit, not out of embarrassment but from a sudden flood of confusing, conflicted feelings. El hadn’t lied to him, but Mike had. Rather, Mike had lied to them both.

“I don’t understand.” He almost whispered.

“Did he not tell you?”

It was now clear to Will that this was equally bewildering for El, too.

“No, he didn’t… the truth is El, Mike barely talks to me anymore. He hasn’t told me shit.” Will could feel the disappointment in his voice. He was angry. He didn’t want to be, but he was.

“Why? You are best friends.”

The look in El’s eyes was so sincere and concerned. It made Will feel a pang of guilt in his chest. He should be comforting her. Her first relationship had ended. Mike ended it. But in this moment his own emotions were so overwhelming, he could barely pull his focus. 

“I– I have no idea. He’s been kind of distant since we went to college.” Will felt tears welling up in his eyes. “Maybe this is why. Maybe he’s scared I’d think he was a giant jerk for dumping you… Did he tell you why? Did he explain himself at least? Also, are you okay?”

Will was finally able to recenter El’s feelings. She was the main concern, not the ways in which the perpetually conflicting actions of his now distant best friend had wounded him.

“I’m okay. Now I’m okay.” El offered another weak smile. “It hurt really bad at first and I was sad, but I think I understand. Mike did not seem like himself since we went to college. He didn’t call me or write to me as much as I thought he would and we got into a fight. A bad one. He said that his feelings were different and that he was confused? That he felt like we had changed a lot since we met and that maybe we outgrew each other. He said I was too good for him?”

She looked at Will, her eyes told a story her words left unspoken. There was something underneath it all that told him whatever had happened it was more complex than she was making it out to be.

“It was hard to understand because I did not feel that way… but he seemed sad about it, too. He said he was sorry and didn’t want to hurt me–– which was why he waited until we saw each other and that he had been feeling like this for a while. But he still wanted to be my friend. I don’t think I would be okay if he didn’t want to see me anymore.”

He felt tears welling up in his eyes, the urge to hug her overtaking him. He pulled her in close, letting her bury her face into the crook of his neck.

“El…” Will couldn’t find the right words, so he just did what Joyce had always done when he was hurting. He held her and rubbed her back, crying with her.

“I don’t want this to ruin your friendship, Will.” His sister hiccupped. “I love you and I love Mike and I don’t want you to be angry at him. I don’t want to be angry. He is still my friend… if he wants to be.”

Will took in a deep breath, trying to stem the flow of tears so he could better support her. He squeezed her tightly before pulling away and looking her in the eyes.

“I– I don’t want things to be weird between the three of us either. Mike has been my best friend since we were 5 years old. I don’t know what I’d do without him in my life…” Will thought about the many possible reasons that might happen, but he quickly shoved them aside. “But I also don’t know what I’d do without you. I don’t think I could live with myself if I picked a side. I guess I’m glad that you want things to work out. And it makes me really sad that he hurt you.”

El nodded at him, wiping away her tears with her sleeve.

“I love you, El, and I want you to be happy. I’m sorry Mike broke up with you. I’m really, really sorry.”

He tried to hide the slight sense of relief that he felt deep down. He prayed that she couldn’t sense it, but it was definitely there. After years of acutely feeling heartbroken over the fact that he could never be with his best friend, a possibility arose for him. Though it was highly unlikely that Mike would ever reciprocate how Will felt, part of him felt like looking at Mike would finally be less painful. Watching him with Eleven all these years, their intimacy and love for each other, it hurt so fucking bad and that hurt made Will feel disgusted with himself. But now? There was less of a reason to feel guilty every time he wished he had been El, every time he yearned for Mike to kiss him and hold him and tell him he loved him.

“I know, Will. You don’t have to apologize. It’s not your fault.” She squeezed his hand.

Will swallowed hard before returning his attention back to his sister.

“I know… I just–– I feel bad.” He paused for a while. 

El shot him a quizzical look. Anymore his behavior with his family was eliciting a lot of those reactions.

“Will?”

“Yeah, El?”

“Are we okay? You’re not mad at me or Mike?” Her brows furrowed.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be ok?” He hoped he didn’t sound as panicked as he felt. “You didn’t do anything wrong. And Mike… I don’t know how to feel. I guess I just wish he would’ve told me. That he didn’t lie to you.”

“I understand.” She hugged him again. “I wish he was honest too. Do you think maybe he is hiding something? Maybe, like you said, Mike is scared you would be mad at him?”

Will was amazed at how she’d managed to compose herself. She’d slipped back into a more stoic demeanor and instead of dwelling on her own very justifiable pain, she was worrying about Mike’s feelings. 

“I don’t know, El… all I know is that Mike, he has a lot of self doubt. He’s always been that way to an extent. I think it got worse though as we got older though. All of us, everyone in the party, we all got bullied a lot–– for different reasons, but we still all got made fun of. It felt like shit.” Will leaned back into the couch, trying to make eye contact with his sister. “Like how Angela treated you back in Lenora. It sucked.”

“That was awful. She made me feel so angry and small.” El’s face contorted into an angry frown.

“Yeah, I know what that’s like. I really know what that’s like.”

El looked back at him, her expression softening as he opened up to her.

“And Mike? He knows what being an outsider is like, too. Remember how when we were freshman in high school and he came to visit for spring break?”

“Yes?” She sounded puzzled, Will’s conversational trajectory wasn’t making sense to her.

“Remember how you guys got into that fight about how he couldn’t say the word love ?” Will swallowed hard. These memories were stirring painful feelings, emotions from a time where he felt even more lost, angry, and disgusted with his own feelings. “I mean… he eventually explained himself, sort of. But I never told you, how awful it was to watch him torture himself over how ineadequate he felt… like he kept saying he didn’t feel like he deserved you and he was scared that you’d realize he was a loser.” 

Will’s voice started to sound choked up again, thinking of how hurt and distraught Mike was four years ago was both immensely sad and it made him remember his own sense of heartache… the words he told his best friend to comfort him, and how fucked up it felt to use El as a means of confessing his feelings by proxy. Though, Will was certain Mike hadn’t picked up on it.

“What you said, about what he told you–– about changing and growing apart–– I think he’s always been scared that he would lose you, so he ripped off the bandaid and pushed you away before the pain might be worse. I don’t know. I guess I understand, but I know you didn’t see him that way. It was almost like, no matter how much I tried to convince him, he just couldn’t believe he was worthy of being your boyfriend. Maybe he started feeling like that again, maybe he was scared you would meet someone new at school and so he thought it was better to end things?” 

El’s eyes swam with sadness, both for the loss of her relationship and Mike’s possible pain.

“Maybe…” She held Will’s hand. “Or maybe he realized I am too different. Maybe he found someone else. It almost felt like he was lying to me, but I didn’t want to find out.”

Will pulled her in for another hug, attempting to soothe her.

“You are not too different. Mike doesn’t care that you’re different. Whatever he’s feeling, whatever’s going on with him, I’m positive it comes from being afraid. I don’t exactly know why he’s afraid, we haven’t talked like that in a while, but… god this is gonna sound so cliché–– it has nothing to do with you . It’s about him and his own bullshit.” 

He gave El a gentle squeeze and pulled away to look her in the eye. Sure, he was stuffing his own feelings down and ignoring how much he was projecting and making assumptions, but his motives were completely earnest.

“Will?” Eleven wiped away fresh tears.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. You are a really good brother.” She managed a soft smile. “I don’t think I could do this without you.”

Her sincerity made him feel flustered, heat rising to flush his face. He wasn’t sure how to respond, but her words made him feel warm, they made him feel loved.

“I– I think you’re a great sister. I love you, El. I mean it. I’m glad we’re family.”

“Family.” She hugged him tight, accepting his declaration.

They stayed in their embrace a little while longer, eventually coming to the realization that they needed to process everything. Will bid his sister goodnight and reassured her his door was always open if she needed it.

Will treaded carefully to his room as he slipped into a semi- dissociative state. He closed the door quietly behind him and just stood there in shock for several moments. He felt like he couldn’t move. So many emotions crashed down on him at once and he couldn’t bear their weight. He slunk to the floor and just sobbed. Will was entirely confused and hurt, both for Eleven and the distance he’d felt with Mike. Not only that but his own feelings of guilt, frustration, and longing. The fact that El and Mike were over, it gave him a sick sense of hope and happiness. If he was normal he would be pissed at him and mourn for the loss of El’s relationship. But he wasn’t normal. He was in love with the wrong person.

He kept trying to force himself to focus on literally anything else, but it was useless. The angst and self loathing coupled with the abject loneliness he felt was all consuming. Despite finally accepting his sexuality, Will Byers still felt like a freak in a multitude of ways and feeling wildly misunderstood wasn’t helping his isolation. In college he’d picked up the habit (thanks to Jonathan and Luis) of smoking weed when, occasionally, he felt the crushing weight of existence threatening his sanity. And so Will crawled across the floor and rummaged through his suitcase, searching for a joint.

When he laid on his bed, joint between his lips and window open to air out the room, he flicked the lighter and finally inhaled. Normally Will wouldn’t smoke the whole thing, sharing it with his friends or his brother. He didn’t love being high, especially when he smoked too much, but tonight his anxiety was getting the better of him and he needed things to just be quiet. He smoked it right down to the last half inch or so before he could burn his fingers. He closed his eyes, letting the high wash over him as he felt his pulse begin to slow. Finally, for the first time since he got home, Will felt calm.

His mind began to wander and he thought about sketching again, just to get into a sort of mindless flow. When he sat up however, instead of finding his sketchbook, his eyes caught the cluttered corner of his desk. Sitting, a little dusty and partially obscured, was his old super-com. Will got up, against his better judgment, and made his way to his desk. He felt a pang of nostalgia well up inside him as he picked it up. Turning it in hand he noticed it was still tuned in to the channel the party used to use.

 He wasn’t even sure if it still worked, but part of him was curious. He fiddled with the antenna and and flicked it on. To his surprise it came alive with some static. Part of him was curious, but the other part screamed to quit while he was ahead. The curiosity won out in the end. Will brought the walkie towards his mouth and clicked the button. There was no going back now.

“Mike?” His voice was thick and groggy, his high semi-obvious.

He stood there for a few moments, walkie in hand as his chest swarmed with butterflies. He wasn’t sure why he was doing this. He wasn’t really sure about anything anymore, but for some reason he tried again.

“.... Mike? It’s Will.”

He listened to the static, hoping that he wasn’t making a giant mistake. He was about to close the antenna and switch the walkie off when the distinct crackling of an incoming response came from the speaker.

“Will?!”

Will Byers felt his heart stop for a moment. It was Mike. For the first time in weeks it was Mike.     

Chapter Text

“Will?”

The sound of his best friend’s voice crackled through the air like electricity. Hell, hearing Mike say his name after all these weeks made Will feel like he’d been struck by lightning. He wasn’t entirely sure whether that was a good thing. The almost weightless feeling he’d felt before was quickly being replaced by jolts of anxiety, making him feel far too warm–– as if the air was too thick. He swallowed hard, unsure of what to do. He stared at the walkie like it was something completely new, like he’d never seen it before and had no idea what to do with it. All his thoughts were slow, in fact he wasn’t even sure he could think at all. Will had made several bad decisions since turning 18, but right now he was pretty sure this was the worst one. 

Getting high and impulsively trying to get your crush’s attention after consoling your sister he’d broken up with was an idiot move. But here he was, there was no taking it back. 

“Will, are you there? It’s Mike. Over.” Click.

Once again his thoughts consumed him, drowning out the world, yet the staticky voice coming from the speaker kept enticing him like a lure. 

“ Will , are you there? This is Mike. Over.” Click.

The voice was the bait, the walkie-talkie the hook, and Mike? Mike was the reel, pulling him closer and closer. Against his better judgement, Will took the bait.

“Will… are you–– are you okay? Over.”

Will stared at the speaker just a little bit longer. He was simultaneously awash with fear and the desire to reach out. Maybe it was a good thing his impulse control was dulled at the moment, otherwise when it came to his best friend, he’d been a coward for quite a while.

Click. A pause. “... Mike.” 

It was then, Will found, that he had no idea what to say. He wasn’t even sure why he was doing this. His voice was was raspy and thick and he definitely sounded more than a little stoned. He didn’t have the bandwidth to hate himself at the moment, though. He’d have time to regret this later.

“Yeah, Will? Are. You. Okay … you do remember you’re supposed to say over when you’re done talking, right? Over.”

Will clenched his jaw. He could hear both the concern–– god, Mike was concerned–– and the classic Wheeler snark. He let out a short, breathy laugh.

“I know. I just… I wasn’t even sure this thing still worked. Over.” Will tried to mirror Mike’s tone.

“Well… based on the fact that we’re talking right now, yeah I’d say it still works. Over.”

Fuck , Will missed his voice. He missed the warmth and the fondness that used to be so common between them. That sensation, it had been absent for a while, but right now, Will swore he could feel it again.

“Yeah…” He wasn’t sure what else to say, so he just went with “Over .”

There was a fairly long pause, one that made him uneasy. He kept trying to convince himself everything was fine, but nothing about this situation was fine. If anything he was being entirely selfish and acting against every rational thought he’d ever had.

“Will, man, you never answered my question. Are you okay ? Over.”

The words drifted into Will’s mind like a heavy fog, hard to grasp.

“Yeah. W–why wouldn’t I be? Over.” Great, now he sounded less okay than he did before. Mike worrying about him always made him jittery.

“Dude, you honestly sound kinda messed up… over.”

Will groaned as he flung himself back onto his bed. He felt his face flush, it was almost burning. He wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed or flustered or what. It all just felt weird. This wasn’t how he’d wanted to reach out to Mike, but they were already talking so he couldn’t just back out now. Besides, he was pretty sure that if he just stopped responding it would make things worse and maybe Mike would show up at his house because he was worried about him. Then he’d see how pathetic he was. It was better to just go with it. 

“Do I? Over.” Will rolled onto his stomach and laid face down into his pillow, he wanted to scream.

“Will,” He could hear Mike sigh. “Seriously, what’s going on? Over.”

He should probably come clean. No, he should definitely come clean. Well, not about everything.

“I–– I’m okay. I’m just, I’m just a little high. Over.” 

“You’re–– you’re high?”  

“Just a little…” He let out an amused scoff. “You didn’t say over. Over.”

“Will, man, what are you doing? Over.” Mike’s voice was a mix of concern and annoyance, it made Will’s stomach do flips. 

“I don’t know. Over.” He was trying to mask the disappointment and fear that was slowly returning.

“You don’t know or you don’t wanna tell me? Over.” 

Did Mike sound disappointed?

“I miss you… over.” Will’s voice was even more strained, barely even a whisper.

“Will, I can’’t understand you. Over.”

Will’s heart was beating so fast and despite the fact that his window was open, he was now slightly damp with sweat.

“I miss you.”

His heart was in his throat now. His voice was betraying everything within him that screamed at him to shut up, that begged him to be normal. He sounded sort of desperate, not like a friend would. It reminded him of how Jonathan sounded when he called Nancy after a fight. It was the tone that couples use when they beg each other for forgiveness. But Mike wasn’t Will’s boyfriend and Will wasn’t sure what the fuck he was trying to say. He didn’t like the implications this whole exchange might have.

“You miss me? Over.” Mike sounded confused.

“Yes, asshole. I miss you. Over.” 

He’d kick himself when he sobered up for calling Mike an asshole. Why the fuck did he say that?

“Asshole? Will, what the fuck did I do? Over.”

Will pressed his face deeper into his pillow and held his breath for several moments. He was the one who was acting like a jerk.

“Sorry… I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it like that. Over.”

There was another long pause. 

“It’s–– it’s fine I guess?” He sighed. “Will, it’s like after midnight. You’re obviously messed up and––” Mike laughed, it made Will’s heart flutter in his chest. “I mean this in the nicest way possible–– go the fuck to bed. We can talk tomorrow when you’re back to normal . Over.”

Normal . Suddenly he felt as if all the blood drained from his body. Maybe he was taking it the wrong way, but that word always set him on edge, it was typically a spotlight on his all the things that were wrong with him–– on his flaws.  

“It’s not fine.” Will felt unwanted tears starting to well up. “I miss you, Mike. I fucking miss you. I just wanna talk. Like we used to? I need...” 

“I need you.” Will whispered into his pillow after making sure his thumb was off the talk button. 

What the fuck are you doing, Will? Stop fucking talking. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

“Will… please, I’m saying this as your best friend, I really think you need to go to sleep. We can talk tomorrow,  hang out if you want. I can call the rest of the party and we can all catch up, okay? Over.” 

Best friend. Will clung to that. He savored the words and replayed them in his mind. At least we’re still best friends.

“Promise? Over.” Will sniffled, trying to disguise the fact that he was crying.

“I promise. Over.”

For several moments there was nothing but static. Will’s breaths were shallow and his heart still raced in his chest. He wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure if he should and so he remained silent, hoping the promise wouldn’t break. 

“And Will?” He jolted upright as he heard Mike’s voice come through for the last time. “I miss you, too. Over.”

After that he felt a sense of relief. Mike missed him. He missed him and it was everything Will needed to hear. Though he began to regain a sense of control and clarity, he still felt himself crying. He wasn’t sure if it was the sense of release he had after talking to Mike, telling him on a surface level how he felt, or if it was the shame he carried for wanting more. Either way, he was exhausted. The combination of crying and the still present high finally lulled him to sleep. He needed it.

    Will woke up, his mouth felt incredibly dry and his head was a little fuzzy. Smoking weed always made him feel off afterwards, but there was something else too. As his mind cleared he realized that things last night, things this morning, were worse than he thought. After talking to his best friend, high and desperate, apparently Will’s subconscious thought it was a good idea to dream about all the things he wanted to do with Mike Wheeler. Great.  

It was bad enough that he’d made a fool of himself to Mike directly, but now he couldn’t even escape his fucked up attraction to him while he slept. Will was hopeless and, in in his very biased opinion, sort of a terrible person for dreaming about Mike like that . He felt gross. What kind of person fantasizes about their best friend? Will was absolutely mortified. It sucked too because not only was it something he could never have, but it made being lonely and touchstarved feel even worse. Dreaming about Mike touching him and making out with him was not something Will was comfortable with, but it was too late, and now it was all he could think about. 

He groaned, rolling onto his side, trying to find literally anything else to focus on. His eyes fixed onto his alarm clock. 10:30 am–– not too late, but he wasn’t totally alert yet, his sleep wasn’t exactly restful. Last night, between his conversation with El and whatever the fuck that was with Mike, was a lot. He was still trying to process everything and unfortunately, most of his recollections made him cringe. Today, if he saw Mike at all, there would be a ton of awkward apologizing. In fact, he probably wouldn’t really say anything at all after begging for Mike to forget about their conversation. Will wasn’t sure he could trust himself to not make things weird.

Unfortunately, last night a sufficiently high Will made Mike Wheeler promise him they’d hang out today. There was no backing out. He’d have to suck it up, try to forget about his feelings and pretend like he didn’t just have a wet dream about his oldest friend. Yeah, super easy. Will sighed, still feeling ashamed and gross, he quickly changed into clean clothes–– he’d shower after breakfast. He made his way to the kitchen and tried to move on with his morning.

Rounding the corner, he could hear Joyce’s muffled voice. She was talking to someone, the conversation just out of earshot. Will approached cautiously, quickly grabbing frosted flakes, a spoon, and a bowl before putting them on the table. Despite his attempts to be quiet, his mother’s attention immediately turned to him. She smiled wide as she cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder. 

“Oh! He’s here. I was just gonna check if he was awake, but he’s up now. I’ll put him on.”

Joyce motioned for her son to take the phone, mouthing “It’s for you.” Will nodded, swallowing hard as the phone was transferred to his grasp. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt so nervous, well he had some idea, but he was hoping that maybe it was not Mike calling and that maybe it was Dustin or Lucas, instead.

“Hello?” He couldn’t hide how timid he sounded.

“Will?” Fuck. It’s Mike. Of course it’s Mike. “Uh, how are you? Are you… better than last night?”

Will felt his face grow hot, he was hoping Mike would be gracious enough to pretend that never happened, but he was wrong.

“Um, yeah. Yeah I’m good.”

If Mike wasn’t going to ignore it, Wil would certainly try.

“Cool. Cool. Do you still wanna come over? I called Lucas and Dustin already.” Mike paused. “They’re up for it if you are. It’s okay if you’re not–– I just, what you said. I figured you still wanted to hang out. You know it wouldn’t be the same without you, right?”

Wouldn’t be the same without you. Will squeezed his eyes shut as he turned away from his mom’s line of sight. Yes, he’d confessed he was gay, but no one, no one in Hawkins knew he had it bad for Mike Wheeler. He wasn’t about to let his face betray him. So he faced the wall, took a deep breath, and found whatever semblance of nerves he could muster.

“Do I still wanna come over? Yeah, I still wanna come over. I miss you–– you guys. I miss you guys.”

God . Speak much, Will?

“Nice. Cool. Uh the guys said they’re gonna come around noon, fiigured we’d get pizza or something and we could play video games or whatever… also,” Mike sighed, it sounded like he was annoyed. “Lucas asked if it was okay if Max came. I told him I’d have to ask you. Ya know, since it was your idea to rally the party.”

Will felt his breath hitch. There were so many strange inflections and awkward pauses. At times he sounded unsure of what he was saying, at others he sounded like classic Mike, playfully teasing Will. Jesus Christ this was painfully confusing.

“Sounds good… And… I don’t mind if Max comes. Why would I mind? She’s part of the party too.” 

Will hoped that didn’t sound like he’s questioning whether Mike cares about Max or not. Maybe Will was misinterpreting the purpose and meaning of their party hanging out. Maybe Mike wanted it just to be the original members. But Will, despite how much he yearned for alone time with his best friend, also longed to reunite with all of them. They were all connected, whether they still felt that way or not, Will believed it. He had too. 

“Yeah, you’re right. You’re totally right. Max is one of us.” 

Mike’s tone told Will that he was desperately trying to reassure him that it wasn’t meant the way it sounded. It made Will smile softly to himself. It always made his stomach flip when Mike was flustered. But if Max was coming, that meant that El should also be there and Will was terrified that that might be an absolutely terrible idea. He didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, especially not Mike. But he would feel like shit if he left his sister out.

“Mike?”

“Yeah, Will?”

“If–– If Max is coming… would you be okay with El being there too?”

Will’s heart started pounding in his chest, he could feel his heartbeat in his head. He hoped he hadn’t just royally fucked things up.

“Uh…” Mike sounded unsure. “Yeah… It’s cool. El can always come if she wants to… I don’t mind.”

“Are you positive? Like it wouldn’t be weird?”

“No?”

“No? That doesn’t sound too positive to me, Michael.” Will pressed. He was half teasing, trying to put his friend at ease. 

“No. Not weird. Obviously El’s invited. If that’s what she wants.”

Will nervously twirled the phone cord around his finger. Part of Will believed Mike was only saying yes because he thought he wanted him to. Which yes, in a way he did, but only because he wanted Eleven to feel included.

“If you’re sure.” Will tried to smile, tried to emote it over the phone.

“Positive.” He heard Mike sigh. “It’ll be good–– nice. For all of us to hang out again.”

“Yeah, totally.”

God, Will. Why are you so awkward!

“I’ll see you around noon?”

“Yeah, see you at noon.” 

Will smiled softly to himself, feeling a subtle warmth spreading through his chest as he recognized the slightest hint of excitement in his best friend’s voice. He was seeing Mike.

    He bid his friend a hasty goodbye and carefully hung up the phone. When he turned around, El was sitting at the table, helping herself to the cereal Will had forgotten. He swallowed hard as he moved to sit down. He wanted to ask her about seeing the party, but now he was worried the question would hurt. That was the last thing he wanted. He gathered his courage as he poured his breakfast and finally looked at his sister.

“El?” His brows furrowed into a concerned arch.

“Yes?”

She paused, spoon hovering inches away from her mouth.

“Would–– would you wanna hang out with the party today? It’s okay if you don’t want to, I just thought I’d ask because I know it’s been a while since everyone’s seen each other.”

El stared at her brother for a moment, contemplating the request.

“I think so… would we–– would it be at Mike’s?” Her voice was tinged with barely there sadness.

It broke Will’s heart, the exact scenario he wanted to avoid.

“Yeah…” He darted his eyes back to his bowl of frosted flakes. “Is that okay?”

“Mhmm.” She nodded. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yes. I want to see our friends, Will. I will be okay. I promise.”

He smiled at her, soft and filled with a brightness that told her he cared. She returned the expression and they finished their morning meal in silence. 

    Both Will and El took their time getting ready. For Will, his nerves kept forcing him to doubt everything he was doing. After he showered, he’d changed clothes at least four times. Nothing he put on felt right. He wasn’t sure why, but suddenly making a good impression on his oldest friends seemed incredibly important. It shouldn’t be, though. They knew him all through his awkward phase–– too big for him hand-me-downs, bad haircuts, legs so skinny they looked like they shouldn’t even have been able to hold him up. They wouldn’t care his he showed up in a burlap sack. But suddenly their opinions and approval mattered. He wanted to prove that he was finally able to be himself, but he wasn’t sure if they’d like that Will. He wanted them to, he really wanted them to.

    Eventually, Will had decided on a graphic patterned button down with a black turtleneck underneath. The shirt was a gift from Gina and Luis. His city friends, despite constantly assuring him they thought he was adorable, told him they hated his wardrobe–– so they took him shopping, digging through second hand stores and maybe some permanent borrowing, too. He was glad for them in so many ways, but mostly for helping him be himself. He was finally liking himself, the person he was becoming. But he still worried that he wasn’t good enough. Will realized, he did’t necessarily want to look good enough for his friends. He wanted to look good for Mike. Will wanted him to think he was handsome, not just some dorky kid anymore. He didn’t want to be adorable or awkward. He wanted to be desirable.  

    He frowned in the mirror as he finished up the last of the buttons, almost self-pitying. He sighed, finalizing every last detail and topping it off with some gentle hold hairspray for good measure. It would have to do. It was much better than high school.

“Will? Are you almost ready?” El knocked on the door.

“Yeah, I’ll be right out!”

Will adjusted the button on his cuff and headed out to meet his sister. He smiled at her, trying to reassure both himself, and El, that this everything would be fine. She looked pretty. Her hair was half up, she wore a soft pink sweater, and light makeup. El, like Will was finally coming in to her own. It seemed like Max’s advice from almost 5 years ago finally had space to fully sink in. 

They grabbed their coats, Will asked Jonathan if he could borrow the car, and they set off towards the Wheeler’s. The ride was fairly quiet, though Will had never been able to drive without music. So they listened to the Pixies Surfer Rosa as they made their way through Hawkins. Will’s heart started beating increasingly faster the closer they got to the Wheeler’s. His palms were sweaty and he felt like he might throw up. He wanted this. He wanted to see his friends, to see Mike , but the anxiety and shame he felt were making it hard for him to concentrate. He was sure his emotions were poorly hidden, that they were written all over his face. He couldn’t steal them away, though. He was struggling to force them down.

He could feel El’s worried eyes trained on him. He could see the concerned expression in his periphery. It wasn’t helping. He let out a shaky breath as they turned onto the cul-de-sac, Mike’s house coming into view. The car crawled along until he came to a stop. Will was white knuckling the steering wheel, holding on for dear life with his eyes trained on his lap. He almost had a glazed over look, but he was wide eyed and afraid still. Despite being mere yards away from the Wheeler’s front door, the promise of friends waiting inside, Will sat frozen in fear.

“Will?” El’s voice cut through the storm raging inside him.

He swallowed hard, slowly turning his head to meet her gaze. He couldn’t manage a single word.

    She placed her hand on his shoulder, head bowing slightly so she could study his face. She was trying to steady him.

“Will are you okay?”

His breaths became ragged, a shaky exhale escaping as he tried to hold back tears.

“What’s going on?”

Will blinked, tears began to well in his eyes. He didn’t think he would be this emotional, this confused.

“I–– I don’t know.” He whispered.

“Why are you crying?” El’s eyes swam with so much love and concern.

“I’m… I guess I’m nervous?” He didn’t sound sure of his answer at all.

“Nervous?”

“Yeah, to see everyone. It–– It’s been a while and I just feel kind of weird about it. I don’t know how to explain it.” He wiped the wetness off his cheeks.

“That makes sense.”

“Does it? I don’t think it does.” 

“It does.” She squeezed his shoulder. “You have changed a lot, Will. I have too. I think we are all different a little? That is scary. Change is scary.”

Will offered her a weak smile.

“Yeah, yeah, change is scary. I guess I’m afraid they won’t like how I’ve changed. I don’t know. I feel so different than before I left. What if they don’t like it… what if––”

“Mike doesn’t like it?” 

“What?” Will’s eyes flicked up to meet hers, eyes still glistening with tears.

“Mike. You are afraid Mike will not like it.” She said matter of factly.

“El…” Will was desperately searching for a way to hide his feelings.

There was an awkward silence. Will could tell that she was searching for the right words. Normally she was pretty good at comforting him and validating his feelings, but now something about her demeanor seemed hesitant.

“Will,” Her hand moved to his hand, still clutching the steering wheel. “I heard you last night.” 

Her voice was so soft and apologetic. Fuck.

“You– you heard me?”

“Talking to Mike. It wasn’t on purpose. I just… I couldn’t sleep and I walked passed your room and I heard you tell Mike that you missed him. You were crying.”

Will’s face went sheet white. Was the universe trying to shame him for his feelings? Could he not be constantly reminded of how mortifying all of this was?

“I was high. It didn’t mean anything. I didn’t know what I was saying really….”

“Will.” El let him know she wasn’t buying his excuse.

“I–– I mean yeah. I miss Mike. I miss everyone . But I don’t see what missing people has to do with anything.”

“Really Will? You don’t think missing people and being afraid they do not want to be your friend because you changed have to do with each other?”

“I guess when you put it like that…” He still couldn’t look at her.

“Jonathan and Joyce always say that if people are really your friends then they do not care if you are different. Mike… Mike doesn’t care that I am different. He won’t care if you are too.” She smiled at him.

“You think so?” His voice sounded incredibly shaky. He wanted to believe her, but he knew things she didn’t–– things about himself and his feelings that she wouldn’t understand.

“I know so.”

“We’re both different, El–– different from other people. I know that you understand that, you know what it’s like to feel like you don’t belong or that you’re a freak… I know that the party, that Mike, they’d never reject you for being different. You’re incredible. You save lives. You can pull a helicopter out of the sky and bring Vecna to his knees. I know you know what it’s like to feel alone… but this , what I’m feeling right now–– this kind of different. It’s not incredible. It’s wrong. ”

Inside, he kept screaming at himself to stop talking, but El’s words were so sincere. Her expression so concerned.

“ Wrong ?”

Will’s breath hitched. He felt his lip quiver as tears began to blur his vision again.

“Wrong.” He repeated. “All my life, since I can remember, I’ve felt like there was something wrong with me. I never felt normal, El, not once. Even before the upside down. I was bullied and told that nobody wanted me around. The things that people said about me, to me… ” He started sobbing. “They hurt. Just as much as someone beating me up, except unlike getting punched, the words never stop hurting.”

He felt El lean over into his personal space and wrap him into a tight hug. He wanted it, he craved the comfort, but he was also terrified of admitting the truth. His mom and Jonathan had accepted him. Maybe El would, too? In fact he wasn’t even sure she’d understand, that she’d know what he was and what that meant. Maybe it was better to tell her. Maybe, he should just get it over with.

“Will, it’s okay. You are not wrong. Those people are wrong. You are good. You are my friend and my brother and you are good.”

He offered her a weak, teary smile.

“I’m glad you think so.” He leaned into her, squeezing her back. “I just–– for so much of my life I tried to run away from the words. I tried because deep down I knew they were true––”

“Will!” El cut him off. “The bullies, they lie. They want you to feel bad.”

“No, El. They weren’t wrong about me. And yeah, bullies, they do want you to feel bad. And sometimes the things they say are true. The people who made fun of me, they knew I was different even before I did. The way that I am… a lot of people think it’s wrong. That people like me are disgusting.” His shoulders shook with every muffled hiccup. 

“People think you are disgusting? I don’t understand. Why would someone say that?”

“Because people…” Will thought back to something Jonathan had said to him years ago. “They hate anything that’s different. They hate stuff they don’t understand. El,” 

Will sighed, pulling away from their embrace to look her in the eye. He wanted to be seen, he wanted her to see him.

“When I got to college I finally stopped running away from the truth. I’ve been so scared of it for a long time and I was afraid to tell anyone. My new friends… they helped me. They helped me see that I’m not alone, that I’m not a freak. But people in Hawkins? A lot of people think––” Will felt the lump in his throat growing bigger and bigger, he almost couldn’t breathe, but he needed to tell her. “They think that boys, boys who like boys, are wrong. They think they’re disgusting and they hate them.”

He almost looked away, afraid of her reaction. 

“ You like boys?” Her words were so innocent, so confused by the cruelty of a world that still–– even after 6 years, didn’t entirely make sense to her.

Will exhaled.

“I like boys. I like boys the way you and Max do.” He played with his sleeve. “I always have, I was just too scared to accept it. I’m gay–– a guy who falls in love with other guys, and the vast majority of the world thinks that’s wrong. And so I never acknowledged it or told anyone because I didn’t want everyone to hate me. I was so scared that everyone would leave… But I told mom and Jonathan when I got back home and the world didn’t end, so that’s good I guess.”

He looked back out towards the Wheeler’s house, a painful longing stirring in his gut as he poured his heart out. And despite not looking at his sister, Will could sense that she was crying. It was silent, but he was sure she was.

“Will, I am sorry. I am sorry you felt like you are wrong, that people made you feel bad. You are not bad. I don’t understand how loving someone could be bad? You loving boys doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“You would think.” Will managed a laugh.

“Is that why you are nervous about seeing the party? You are worried that they won’t want to be your friend anymore if they know you are gay?” El gently placed her hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah. I’m terrified. I don’t know what I would do if they didn’t want to be in my life anymore. I need them. I need you and Dustin, Lucas and Max… and––”

“Mike.”

“And Mike.” Will leaned back into the seat, meeting her gaze again.

“Yeah. Especially Mike.” 

El chewed her lip for a moment, deep in thought.

“Will?”

“Yeah?” He was nervous about where this might be going.

“Do you… do you like Mike?”

Will’s face betrayed him, no matter what came out of his mouth, the flush on his cheeks and his terrified, wide eyes said everything.

“I– I,”

El waited for his answer expectantly.

“Yeah. I like Mike.” 

For the first time, Will had admitted to someone back home that he was infatuated with his best friend. It wasn’t just someone, it was El –– his sister, Mike’s ex-girlfriend. What the actual fuck was happening?

“That makes sense.” She smiled.

“It does?”

“Yes. Mike is a good person to like.”

Will looked at her with pleading eyes, he wasn’t sure what he was asking, just that he was desperate for her to understand whatever he was about to say.

“You can not tell anyone.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay? You can’t say anything.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

He breathed a sigh of relief, but suddenly it hit him. How did his feelings for Mike make her feel? Was she upset? Was she uncomfortable? He had to know.

“You’re not mad… are you?” He managed.

“Why would I be mad?” 

“Because I’m in love with your ex-boyfriend?” 

Shit. Shit. Shit. You didn’t just tell El you’re in love with Mike? What the fuck, Will?

“You are in love? With Mike?” Her face was entirely neutral, it made him even more worried.

“Yes… I have been for a while. I’m not gonna lie, I probably have been since before you guys started dating. I definitely was while you were dating.”

“Oh.”  El’s brows furrowed again, like she was trying to solve a puzzle.

“I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable…” 

“I don’t think it does? I’m not mad by the way. I’m just… now things make more sense.” She held his hand. “Sometimes, when we were in high school, you seemed very sad and were acting weird and I didn’t know why. Now I know. It makes me sad because I know how I felt when I thought Mike didn’t love me anymore–– how I felt when we broke up this time. It was awful. You must have felt like that.”

The depths of his sister’s empathy baffled him. She was amazing. He loved her so, so much and he definitely felt like he didn’t deserve her. Nevertheless, he was grateful.

“I– I did. I do, still. I know Mike doesn’t feel that way about me and I’m so scared of what he’d think if he found out. I can’t lose him, El. I love him… even if it’s just as friends.”

“I understand.”

“I know you do. I’m so glad that you do and I’m so happy that we’re family. I’m happy I get to be your brother. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you, mom, and Jonathan. At least I don’t have to worry about you guys rejecting me.”

El’s eyes went from warm and loving, to sad. Will’s last words were painful, painful in the sense that she felt hurt for him.

“I’m happy too. I am happy you trusted me and that we can tell each other things. I don’t know what would happen if the party found out, but I know they love you. I don’t know how they could stop or why they would. But if you do not want to tell anyone, I won’t say anything. I want you to be happy.”

She hugged him again, reassuring him without words that she would stay. No matter what.

“I want to be happy too.” Will leaned his head against hers. “I think, for now, I’m not ready to tell them. Maybe one day I will be. But not now. I just want things to be normal for as long as they can.”

“Normal.” She smiled.

“Thanks, El. Thank you for listening to me.” 

“Of course, you are my brother now. We support each other.” 

He pulled away, wiping away tears before fixing his hair and shirt. He needed to compose himself, waiting a few more moments to try and make it look like he wasn’t crying.

“I think we should probably go inside, huh?” He laughed as he checked back in with her.

“Definitely.”

She flashed him a mutual grin, giggling as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

“We have a party to attend to.” Will teased.

    They got out of the car, brushing themselves off, and made their way to the front door. As they approached, Will’s stomach was doing flips, he felt like he was on a rollercoaster. He tried to stuff his those feelings down as he came to a stop, a large Christmas wreath greeting them. He breathed in deep one last time before ringing the doorbell and waited. The pair could hear distant shuffling stirring from inside the house. They exchanged amused looks while they waited. Finally the nob turned, the door opening to reveal familiar sights and sounds. There before them, stood a slightly breathless and smiling Mike. Will’s heart melted. God, this was a terrible idea.

Will’s eyes met his best friend’s, a familiar warmth stirring within them. Mike stood there for a moment, not a sound exchanged between them. The silence was soon interrupted by Lucas yelling from the kitchen.

“MIKE! What do you want on the pizza?”

The stare continued for a moment before Mike shook himself out of his stupor and leaned in for a slightly awkward, though very welcome hug. He pulled away, looking at Will, a look that might be disbelief in his eyes.

“Hi.” He said softly, fondly.

“Hi.”

 There was a breathlessness to his voice, but he didn’t care. Will was standing on Mike’s doorstep, seeing him for the first time in months. He was beautiful.

Chapter Text

The breathless, burning feeling that bloomed within him didn’t go away as Will stepped inside the Wheeler’s house. If anything it seemed to get worse. The soft way Mike uttered the word “ Hi”... it had Will’s stomach in knots. Despite the fact that a pizza would soon be on the way, he wasn’t hungry. Eating was the last thing on his mind. He felt nothing but the twisting in his gut and the fluttering in his chest. He thought his tearful talk with El would’ve calmed his nerves some, but as Mike ushered the brother-sister duo inside, Will felt the most nervous he’d been since driving back to Hawkins. He felt, with certainty, that being in close proximity to Mike Wheeler was just as scary, if not more so, than coming out. 

    After a clumsy and over-thought greeting, the Byers-Hopper siblings quickly shuffled inside to escape the cold. Will noted the slight redness on El’s nose and cheeks, likely a combination of the December weather and the crying they’d both done in the car. Will was sure his skin was dusted with the same pink, though unlike El, the color on his cheeks was also due in part to Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. Mike made his knees weak, Mike made him feel breathless and warm and flushed like he just ran a marathon. Will hadn’t even talked to him outside saying hello and he was already unraveling. How the hell was he supposed to cope with an entire day?

He followed Mike down the hall, trying to even his breaths as he passed neat displays of family photos. Lucas had already darted down into the basement before they could greet him, somehow it made all of this worse. Maybe Will wouldn’t be feeling as weird if at least one of his other friends was there. El didn’t count. She didn’t count because she now knew his dirty little secret and had promised not to draw attention to his discomfort. And he was uncomfortable. His whole body screamed. He felt like his face was on fire and the closer they got to the basement, the worse Will felt. Part of him wanted to disappear, to run away and forget that he had wanted this. He was the one that asked to see Mike. He was the one who made a fool out of himself because he was hopelessly in love. 

He lagged behind, letting his step sister take the lead until she disappeared beyond a door frame. El skipped down the basement stairs, a look of excitement on her face as she descended to meet their friends. But before the boys could join her, Will fought for a slight bit of courage. He wanted to clear the air somehow, try to make the embarrassment and shame threatening to explode within him diffuse. He put his hand on Mike’s shoulder, stopping him at the top of the stairs. His best friend looked curiously over his shoulder and transitioned into giving Will his full attention. Will swallowed thickly, scrunching his eyes shut before making eye contact with Mike.

“Mike,” He sighed. “About last night…”

Will was sure he had absolutely zero poker face right now.

“Yeah? What about it?””

The taller boy stood there, blinking rapidly in confusion.

“I– I’m sorry. I’m sorry I called you an asshole. That I called you and acted like an idiot. I honestly don’t even really know why I did it or what I was doing… I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or anything. I never should’ve done that. It was stupid. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re not what?” Will’s brows knit in confusion.

“Sorry. I’m not sorry you reached out.” Mike smiled fondly at him, eyes darting to Will’s hand resting on his shoulder. “I needed someone to get me to stop moping around. So thanks. Thanks for motivating me I guess.” 

It was strange, Mike wasn’t looking him in the eye. Mike always looked him in the eyes when they spoke. He always made sure Will knew he was being heard. It wasn’t just his seeming lack of engagement, it was his word choice that struck, Will.

“Moping?” He shot his best friend a quizzical look.

“Yeah. I was… let's just say shit’s been kinda rough, you know?” 

Did Mike sound sad? Sure he’d ended things with El, but there was something else there, too. There was something so hurt and wistful in his voice. Most people wouldn’t hear it, they wouldn’t be able to see through the subtlety. Will could. Will always could.

“I think I know exactly what you mean.” Will pulled his hand away, a slight frown replacing his curiosity as the warmth ceased. “I guess I’ve been moping too.”

He tried to transition into a smile, but he was sure it looked disingenuous. Will wanted to smile. Being with his best friend filled him with so much joy. But that joy also hurt. The crumbs of happiness he got didn’t make up for how lonely and forgotten he’d been feeling. It didn’t make the yearning disappear. It certainly didn’t change the fact that he was forced to lock all of his feelings for Mike in a box and pretend they didn’t exist just so they could remain friends. The happiness was a double edged sword, the point aimed right at Will’s heart.

    Mike didn’t seem to catch on to Will’s half hearted smirk, simply offering a half smile of his own. He nodded intently, eyes finally darting up to meet Will’s. Will swore, he swore he heard a small gasp escape his best friend the minute they locked eyes. Mike’s lips were slightly parted, like he wanted to say something more. Of course you’re looking at his lips… Will blinked rapidly, trying not to follow that thought. The two stood in awkward silence for several moments, just looking at each other. Will wasn’t sure what Mike was finding in their mutual gaze, but Will? He saw everything. He saw the familiar dusting of freckles, the bow of his lips, the way his dark curls perfectly framed his angular features. Everything he remembered about Mike, just as beautiful as the last time he saw him.

    Will swallowed hard, taking in a sharp breath as he realized just how long they were staring. He raised both hands to the back of his neck and leaned into them, attempting to be nonchalant. He flicked his eyes towards Mike one last time before nudging him with his foot.

“We should probably head downstairs, huh?” His posture shrinking. 

Mike shook his head in a sort of double take type motion. “Yeah, probably.”

He stepped aside, motioning for Will to descend into what Max had once ever so kindly referred to as “the armpit that is Mike Wheeler’s basement.” Will took a deep breath, trying to muster some of the confidence he’d amassed in New York and plunged deep into the unknown. His friends waited just beyond the landing.

 It was nerve wracking and hopeful, though his mind still lingered on Mike and what he might be thinking. Was he thinking about Will? Was he curious at all about how much he might have changed or was he thinking about something else entirely? Lost in thought, Will Byers had no idea that Mike Wheeler was watching him, no awareness of the longing look in his eyes as his best friend walked away. Will was oblivious to the want and pain that washed over Mike. Maybe it was better that he didn’t notice, but Mike desperately wanted him too. Mike wanted Will to see how much of a coward he was. It had been eating away at him, but Will was none the wiser. Mike wished he’d be Will the Wise just one more time.  

    Will finally reached the bottom of the stairs. His heart felt like it might burst through his chest at any moment. He found himself feeling stuck, as though his feet were too heavy and his shoes were stuck to the floor. He chewed the inside of his cheeks, trying to recenter his mind on the task at hand–– friends. He took a deep breath, followed by a slightly panicked exhale when he felt a warm hand rest on his shoulder. Mike.

“They’re not a bunch of hungry piranhas, Will.” The taller boy squeezed Will’s shoulder, a cocky smile audible in his voice.

“Yeah,” Will attempted a laugh. “Just the party.”

“Just the party.”

Mike nudged him off the last step, encouraging him. It was so gentle and earnest and it made Will feel wobbly and electric all over. It took everything in Will to not stumble. He never was particularly graceful, but he’d surprisingly managed not to fall flat on his face as he came to stand before the friends he so dearly missed. 

“ Holy shit , Byers, you look different!” Dustin leapt up from the couch, wide eyed grin overtaking his face as he rushed to envelop Will into a comforting bear hug. 

Will felt all the air escape his lungs with the impact, but he didn’t mind. In fact he adopted a soft smile as he let out a surprised chuckle. He always thought Dustin gave the best hugs, though everyone in the party argued it was Will. 

“Do I?” He teased. “I hadn’t noticed.” 

Dustin pulled away, holding Will by the biceps as he re-familiarized himself with his friend. 

“Yeah! Like super different.”

“Yeah, he looks fucking hot.” Max insisted as she approached, taking time to punch Dustin in the arm. 

Will’s face immediately turned bright red, his eyes going wide. He stared at Max in confusion. He’d never really thought of himself as attractive, especially not in high school. It was bizarre having his friend so nonchalantly compliment him. It was one thing when Danny had called him hot, when he told Will he found him attractive … but Max? It was more than a little bizarre. Still, it made him feel good, even if the words came from the wrong friend. He had been trying to move away from Hawkins Will, he’d tried to look good for them–– for Mike. He hoped that Mike noticed, too. He hoped Max’s words might embed themselves into his best friend’s brain and make him see Will. He was utterly hopeless and flustered.

“What? It’s true!” Max obviously took stock of Will’s embarrassment. 

“Hey!” Lucas shouted from the couch. “I’m right here!”

“Oh shut up Lucas! I’m allowed to compliment Will, okay?” She huffed with feigned annoyance. 

Will couldn’t help but laugh at his friend's antics. It was like no time had passed at all. He savored every second.

     Lucas rose from his corner of the couch, making his way towards Will. He offered him a warm smile, pulling him into a hug and clapping him on the back.

“It’s good to see you, man. We really missed you.”

“I missed you guys too.” Will felt a slight wetness starting to well up in his eyes.

They missed you. They’re happy to see you. This is good! This is what you wanted. 

Will took a moment to look at his friends, reacquainting with their faces and overall presence. To him, they looked entirely the same as when he left, if not a little more self assured. Clearly It was Will who had changed the most.

“So, uh…” Will followed everyone to the sofa. “How’ve you all been?” 

He watched as they all took their respective seats, shuffling to fit in a semi comfortable fashion. Dustin sat in the arm chair, Max and Lucas cuddled up to each other on the couch, El sat at the couple’s feet, and Mike sat on the end, leaving room for Will to slot himself in the middle. 

“Good!” Dustin piped up first. “Really good actually. It was an adjustment at first obviously, but so far so good. I really like computer science! The engineering stuff–– it’s like A.V. club on steroids.” He snorted. 

“That’s awesome!” Will beamed, he meant it. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.”

He turned his attention to Lucas and Max, noting how the pair seemed even closer than when they left.

“How’s California?”

“It’s not bad.” Lucas shrugged. “Better than Hawkins, that’s for sure. Like Dustin said, school and moving and everything–– it’s an adjustment. Studying chemistry’s fun though. My advisor said he thinks I should do bio chem. Dr. Levy said I should think about med school after I graduate. That’s a ways off though. Like damn, I just got here dude! Let me feel shit out for a bit.” Lucas glanced at Max.

“I missed California… It’s nice to be there again. But I missed you guys, too! I’m not one hundred percent sure what I wanna do yet with my major, but I’ve been taking gender studies classes–– did you even know that was a thing!? Like, I shit you not, I have classes dedicated to women’s rights and politics and stuff. It’s really cool. We’ve been learning all sorts of things–– like some psychology, what other cultures consider masculine and feminine, and even stuff about sexuality and sexual orientation. It’s super progressive and honestly? I feel really empowered. I’m just glad Lucas doesn’t think it’s bullshit.” 

“Wow–– that sounds,” Will felt his face contort into an odd expression he couldn’t quite understand or control. “That sounds really fascinating.”

    It was fascinating. Will always admired Max’s idealism, her feminist principles. They made him feel less weird, especially since so much of Hawkins was a backwards shithole. Max’s opinions were beyond that and it made Will feel like it might be safe to talk about things with her. The key word was might and from what she said, it seemed far more likely that she wouldn’t shun him and treat him like the town pariah. Will didn’t know if he was ready for that talk though. His mom, El, and Jonathan had already been a lot. He really did find Max’s classes interesting, but one key piece kept playing over and over in his mind. Sexuality and sexual orientation . He hoped that his reaction to those words wasn’t blatantly obvious. He didn’t want to be outed by fucking micro expressions and body language. 

“Yeah, I think so. It’s cool to see Max actually be into something.” Lucas quipped, teasing his girl friend playfully as he pulled her in close.

“Haha Lucas, very funny.”

    Again it was just like old times, the pair of them always lovingly bickering. It was comforting. Will liked hearing about what his friends were up to, but mostly, he wanted to hear about Mike. Mike, who had iced him out, who’d barely kept up with him. But it didn’t matter, Will just wanted some semblance of closeness again. He’d take anything at this point.

“Mike?” Will twisted his body to face his best friend.

“Yeah, Will?” The taller boy looked confused.

“What about you? How’ve you been?” Will hoped he didn’t sound over eager to hear whatever Mike might say.

“Uh… okay, I guess. It’s school.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna say?” Dustin chimed in. “That’s bullshit dude, you must have at least something going on?”

Mike shifted. Will could tell, because he always could, that Mike was uncomfortable. He couldn’t look at his friends, his eyes were trained on the ceiling and he fidgeted slightly.

“I don’t know, there’s really not much to say. My classes are good, I like creative writing. I don’t have to see my parents unless it’s a holiday, and even though Nancy’s close she’s not on my ass about shit. It’s fine.” 

There was an awkward silence as Mike’s tone settled in the room. He sounded slightly annoyed, like he didn’t even want to share. It made Will’s chest ache. Maybe it had to do with the break up, maybe there was something else going on–– but whatever it was, it was clearly eating away at him. 

“What about you, Will?” Mike quickly shifted the focus, something in his voice a little too enthusiastic to change the subject. Will was certain it wasn’t because he was eager to learn about him.

“Uh, me?” Will swallowed hard as he looked over the curious faces of his friends. “Things are… great honestly. Don’t get me wrong, you guys will always be my best friends, but I really love New York. I’ve met some really cool people–– I made friends,” He smiled. “And they don’t think I’m weird. Not that you guys think I’m weird! It’s just that, they really get me , you know?”

His eyes flicked to Mike, trying to read any expression that crossed his face, any reaction that might rock the boat or be a clear sign of disappointment. Will was terrified that Mike might be pissed at him, for what he had no idea, but the fear was there.

“I’ve been doing a lot of projects and stuff. Like I’ve gotten to do some illustrations for the student magazine–– which is awesome. And Jonathan and I have gotten closer again. It’s nice. I think New York has been really good for me.”

    Will couldn’t help but feel a little weird. This seemed like bragging, but his friends asked him to share. Still, he felt a sense of shame for sharing so much and talking about himself. That wasn’t all though. The entire time, Mike wasn’t looking at him. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. All he wanted was for Mike to look at him, to acknowledge him and tell him he was happy for him. At this point it seemed unlikely. He was starting to wonder if his best friend, the boy he loved so deeply, was hinting something when he said he’d been moping, when he said shit was rough. Will wanted to hope that whatever was going on, it wasn’t him. He never wanted to be the reason for Mike’s pain.

“That’s great, Will.” Mike said, almost monotone.

Ouch.

    Before Will could dwell too much on Mike’s behavior, the doorbell rang. It was the pizza. Will had never been so grateful for a pizza delivery. The interruption might just save him from whatever the fuck this was. It was confusing and endlessly frustrating that Mike was so distant. He kept sending mixed signals, being attentive and assuring one minute and acting utterly disinterested the next. It left Will feeling a sense of relief when Mike assured the party he’d take care of getting the food. Will almost wanted to disappear, to be swallowed up by the couch and pretend that his best friend was who he wanted him to be. 

“Hey Wheeler! While you’re up there, would you grab the beers we brought over?” Max shouted as Mike ran up the stairs. 

“Sure, whatever.” He yelled back as his footsteps became distant.

Will looked around nervously, they were all still underage technically and it wasn’t like Mike’s parents were the most tolerant or easy going people.

“What about Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler?” He nervously quirked a brow as he glanced over at Max.

“They’re not home.” Dustin leaned forward. “Mike said something about them taking Holly to some Holiday thing, so we’re good.”

Will smiled weakly, relieved. He felt like he needed a drink, he wanted one. His nerves were getting the better of him and he just wanted to take the edge off. He would never risk smoking, cigarettes or otherwise, in the Wheeler’s house. 

“Cool. I was worried we’d get caught.” He leaned back against the cushions, exhaling slowly.

He caught Lucas, Max, and Dustin all eying him with perplexed expressions.

“What?”

“Since when the fuck do you drink?” Max shouted.

Right. Will Byers was the party’s resident goody two shoes. Even in high school when the rest of them started drinking and going to parties, Will never did. He’d always been too afraid of disappointing his mom or acting like his dad if he got drunk. He had told El in confidence that one of the big reasons he didn’t participate was because he didn’t want to feel like he wasn’t in control of himself, like how it was with the mindflayer.

“Uh, since going to college.” Will averted his gaze, starting to feel embarrassed.

“He smokes now, too.” El chimed in.

Will was starting to feel mortified, judged and exposed.

“El, seriously?” His eyes pleaded with her.

“You smoke? Like cigarettes or… ” Dustin raised his brows. 

“Both.” Will admitted sheepishly.

The trio's faces shifted into amused, shocked expressions.

“Guess you’re turning into the resident bad boy.” Lucas teased, reaching across the couch to punch him in the arm.

“Who’s the resident bad boy?”

Mike appeared at the bottom of the stairs, pizza boxes balanced in one hand and two six packs tucked under his other arm. He looked utterly confused, face cringing a little.

“Will.” Dustin said as he grabbed the boxes and moved them to the gaming table.

“Will?!” Mike smirked. “Pfft, no fucking way. Will’s never done anything bad in his entire life.” 

The taller boy flung himself back onto the sofa, landing awfully close to Will. It made his stomach lurch. All of this talk centering on him, his friend’s fascination with how different he seemed, the closeness to Mike–– it was making him a little uneasy.

“Will smokes and drinks now.” El chuckled, lightly teasing her step brother.

Will felt his face flush, noticing that she directed that entirely at Mike, a mischievous look in her eye. Damn it El .  

“Shit,” Mike glanced over at him. “I guess you’ve finally joined the highly esteemed “let’s secretly disappoint our parents club,” Byers. Congrats.” 

He reached for two beers, handing one over to will before clinking their bottles together.

“Cheers. Here’s to being young and dumb.” Mike smiled at Will, a warm fondness taking over his features. 

“Cheers.” Will took a generous swig of cheap beer. It wasn’t very good but it would do the job.  

The party dug in, taking their preferred slices of pizza and settling into a nice conversational rhythm. They talked some more about school, El excitedly explaining what child psychology classes were like and sharing that she’d too made some new friends. It was nice, catching up, hearing about people. Will always liked being an observer, maybe it was the artist in him, but observing always made him feel like he could better understand. When he watched he felt like he learned things he couldn’t from words. Right now he was watching Mike, watching how disconnected he seemed. It stung, it made Will want to reach out but he didn’t know how. Rather, he didn’t want to make Mike uncomfortable. It was fucking torture. 

He continued to drink, now on his second beer. No one seemed to notice, though and he was glad none of them had made a comment about it. He was starting to feel a slight buzz, relaxing a little and feeling much looser, much more open. He was still worrying about Mike. Will always worried about Mike. It seemed like his best friend had a similar idea to Will, drinking a few beers to take the edge off. Maybe he was making assumptions, but Mike was starting to seem a little more relaxed. It made the ache in Will’s chest lessen a little. 

“Hello! Earth to Will!” Max’s voice pulled him from his introspection.

“Huh?” He shook his head. 

“Do you wanna play never have I ever?” She smirked suggestively at him. “It’ll be fun, we can drink every time we’ve done something.”

“I don’t think that sounds like a good idea…” El piped up. “Will has to drive us home later.”

“Come on, El.” 

Mike scoffed. He almost sounded pissed at her, it made Will tighten his grip on his beer. Mike was obviously not in a good mood, but that didn’t mean he could talk to El like that.

“Mike.” Will put his hand on his best friend’s shoulder. “Seriously? Don’t be a douche.” 

“You’ll be fine by the time you drive home and if you’re not you guys can just crash here. It’s fine….” His eyes flicked to El. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to sound like a jerk.”

She exhaled through her nose, looking away for a moment. “I think it’s okay then… I don’t want to play if that’s okay.” She looked at Max, eyes apologetic.

“You don’t have to play if you don’t want! Or you can just put fingers down if you’ve done something. That’s how we played in middle school.” She reassured Eleven.

El smiled softly, relieved to be included without being made uncomfortable.

“Okay. I would like that.”

“Awesome! Who wants to ask the first question?” Dustin surveyed the group.

“Definitely not me.” Lucas raised his hands up. 

“Uhg, fine. I’ll do it.” Max smirked. “We’ll start easy… Never have I ever kissed a friend’s sibling.” She looked deviously at Mike.

He groaned, taking a swig. “You suck Max, that was a fucking targeted question!”

“No one said we had to play fair.” She laughed.

“Are we going by who drinks first or are we doing like, a clockwise thing?” Lucas asked.

“Let’s do clockwise, it’s easier.” Dustin suggested.

They all agreed and proceeded with the game. Will felt a pang of jealousy as Mike drank. He knew he wasn’t with El anymore, but the memories of wishing he’d been in his sister’s shoes made him yearn. Fuck.  

“Never have I ever used a fake ID.” Lucas folded his arms. 

Max, Mike, and Will all took a drink.

“William!” Mike scolded.

“What? I thought I was part of the “let’s secretly disappoint our parents club” now?” He ducked his head, trying to hide the blush now dusting his cheeks. 

“I’m just messing with you, Will.”

“I know.”

“Is it my turn?” Mike grimaced.

“Yes asshole, it’s your turn!” Dustin yelled.

“Okay. Uh… Never have I ever hooked up with someone–– I don’t mean like dating, I mean like going to a party or something and you know…” Mike couldn’t even say what he was suggesting.

    Will felt himself panic. He was positive the rest of the party hadn’t hooked up with anyone either. They were all in steady relationships… or they were. The only one who would be drinking this time was Will. He swallowed thickly, his face feeling even more flushed with the combination of alcohol and embarrassment. He could lie, he could totally pretend he hadn’t hooked up with anyone. But he didn’t really want to lie. It didn’t help that he felt a lot less self conscious when he drank. Will stupidly, took a rather large swig. Everyone’s eyes went wide.

“Byers?!” Lucas exclaimed. 

Will’s eyes went wide as he realized how royally he just fucked up. How the fuck am I supposed to fix this . 

He was desperately trying not to make eye contact with anyone, but unfortunately his eyes met Mike’s. His best friend looked shocked, not just shocked but wounded –– like he was personally offended that Will suddenly seemed to have a love life. Will didn’t understand why. Maybe Mike was pissed that he hadn’t told him. There could be a million reasons and he might never figure it out.

“Oh my god, fucking spill!” Max leaned over, trying to get a better look at him

“Come on Will, you have to tell us, man.” Lucas hit him in the shoulder.

Will blinked vigorously for several moments, trying to regain his composure. 

“I, uh…” God, this was mortifying. He couldn’t be honest, there was no fucking way he could be honest. His mind started to think about all the things it shouldn’t. 

Will thought about Danny. About the first time they smoked weed together and then when they got drunk. He’d never expected he’d smoke, but there he was, sitting on a couch with a boy he was just getting to know and something stirred in his gut. They’d known each other for a little over a month then and Will had realized that maybe he liked him, that he was attracted to him. Over time, that feeling lingered. Will contemplated the last several months, he thought about the night Danny kissed him. How they snuck onto the roof and drank cheap wine and made each other laugh. 

When they were breathless and leaned in a little too close, Will felt himself freeze. Danny, his lips were just inches away and they looked so soft and inviting. He wasn’t sure if it was the wine or something else, but in that moment they both leaned in, kissing each other deeply. Will remembered how heat bloomed in his chest as Danny deepened the kiss. He felt his cheeks turn slightly red as he reminisced about how his friend climbed into his lap and pushed him playfully onto the ground. Will’s first kiss was both incredible and terrifying. It was exhilarating and yet part of him felt guilty. As much as he liked Danny, he had always wished that his first kiss would be Mike.

As the party waited expectantly for an answer, Will continued to lose himself to memories of New York, struggling to engage when he felt so conflicted inside. His mind was on Danny, but he wanted Mike. He wanted Mike to be all of his “firsts”, but thus far they’d all been Danny. His first kiss, first time making out, exploring someone else, his first sexual experience. Grant it, they hadn’t actually had sex, Will sort of panicked when things got more intense. He remembered going to his friend’s apartment, making out like they had dozens of times at this point, stripping down to their underwear and when he felt his body reacting naturally–– when he and Danny began touching and grinding against each other. He panicked.

Will cried. He felt sort of pathetic and like a giant asshole, but he was pretty tipsy and full of guilt. As much as his body was enjoying what he and Danny had, his head and his heart were stuck on Mike Wheeler and how badly he wanted this to be with him. Danny understood, he even comforted Will, still it left him feeling awful.

“Danny… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t want to lead you on, I just–– I can’t do this. It feels wrong. I think I’m in love with my best friend. Fuck it, I AM in love with Mike. I shouldn’t be thinking about him when I’m with you. I don’t want to use you to satisfy my own bullshit. You deserve better.” He sobbed.

“Will, it’s okay. I’m not angry. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” 

God Danny was too good for him.

    But Will couldn’t keep reminiscing on his time in apartment 4b, his friends were waiting on his response. He owed them something. They’d all been waiting for years for Will to “catch up” and kiss someone and date and all the other teenage milestones. He had to give them something. So he lied, sort of .

“Will, dude, come on! Tell us.”

“Um…” 

His face was bright red and his hands were clammy. He looked at El, searching for some sliver of support. She nodded at him, trying to reassure him that it would be okay. But he didn’t believe her.

“We met on my first day of class, in figure drawing.”

“Is that the one with the naked people?” Dustin blurted.

Will didn’t know it was possible for him to turn even redder, but somehow he managed to.

“We met in figure drawing,” Will ignored the question. “It happened kind of fast I guess? Like we became friends the first week and then we started hanging out all the time. Like almost every night and weekends and stuff. A little after a month into the semester I think I realized that maybe we liked each other? One night we were hanging out, we got drunk, and we just sort of made out? But we’re not dating or anything.”

“Holy shit, Will!” Dustin’s eyes were wide. “You guys do anything else? ”

Jesus fucking Christ, were they always this fucking nosy?

“Um…” He couldn’t look at any of them, this was all too much.

“Jeez, Dustin. Way to make Will uncomfortable.” Lucas whacked his friend in the arm.

“Ouch! Sorry Will.”

“It– it’s okay.” He looked at his shoes, trying to maintain his composure.

“So…” Max tried to get the conversation back on the rails. “You gonna tell us about this girl or?” 

Girl . Of course they think he’s into girls, what else would they think? Will was starting to feel like a freak again, like he didn’t belong and part of him wanted to run. He was incredibly uncomfortable and he knew they were excited to learn about his life, especially since they all assumed he was just a late bloomer, but it didn’t make it any less frightening. He looked to El again, trying to find some validation or encouragement. She smiled at him, a warm, comforting smile. He could do this, he could definitely just make shit up and live with himself. Sure, Will, you tell yourself that . 

    He took a deep breath, plucking up the courage to lie and supply his friends with what they wanted to hear.

“She’s from Brooklyn, so she knows tons of cool places in the city… she’s dragged me to so many different things, things I never thought I’d do–– but, it was fun. And I liked hanging out with her. I like her.” This feels so fucking wrong. “She’s really funny and talented and she doesn’t think I’m weird… It's nice. She’s the one who kissed me first.” Everything he was saying was actually about Danny, but he absolutely could not mention that. “Her name’s Gina.” 

As soon as Will said her name, Mike shot up out of his seat. He let out an irritated huff and stormed off up the stairs. Will was utterly baffled. Mike’s reaction made absolutely no sense. In fact it hurt . Even though it was partially a lie, Will thought his best friend would at least be a little happy that he was finally into someone who liked him. But Mike’s reaction left him feeling dejected, wounded even. Will didn’t know what to do. His heart felt like it might burst through his chest at any moment. He was honestly on the verge of tears.

“What the fuck is his problem?” Lucas looked at him.

Will didn’t bother answering, he just bolted after his best friend, chasing the object of his complex pain and desire. He didn’t care what it looked like. He just needed to understand, he needed to know what his best friend was thinking, what he was feeling. He needed to understand and qualify his own feelings, too. 

“Mike! Mike?” 

Will wanted to understand. He needed to understand. He wanted Mike to know how he really felt, but it was too dangerous. It would never turn out how he wanted. But he could dream, he could hope. Right now he just hoped he could get Mike to acknowledge whatever this was, whatever was going on. Even if Mike hated him or was angry, Will would accept it, he just wanted Mike to be honest.

Chapter Text

Mike wasn’t sure why he was so angry. He could barely recall a time in their entire friendship where he had been mad at Will. Was he even really angry at all? He wasn’t really sure of anything anymore. He should be happy for Will, thrilled that his best friend finally seemed confident and happy. Then why wasn’t he? Why did it piss him off that Will had made new friends? They all knew they’d meet new people, it was inevitable to make at least one new friend. Well… It seemed like Mike was the only one who hadn’t, but he wasn’t about to tell the party that. 

He felt sort of pathetic. Out of all of them, aside from Dustin maybe, Mike had always been the most outgoing. At Emerson though, Mike had faded into the background, like he was afraid to branch out and change. Changing would mean he had to reconcile with something he’d been ignoring for years . Mike Wheeler was terrified to admit that his idea of himself–– that who he always thought he was, had been in part, a ruse. Friends don’t lie, but all this time Mike had been lying to himself, to El, to Will . Mike wasn’t mad that Will made new friends. He was hurt that Will was cozying up to some girl, who in all honesty, the way Will described her… it reminded Mike of himself. Mike Wheeler didn’t want to admit he was jealous. 

No, no he wasn’t jealous at all. Will could do whatever the fuck he wanted. Will deserved to be happy, Will deserved someone who appreciated him. He deserved someone who is really funny and talented and doesn’t think he’s weird . Mike, Mike was all of those things. Not once in their 13 years of friendship did he ever think Will was weird. Will always laughed at his jokes, he was always so earnest and selfless towards him. He told Mike he was talented, that he wrote the best stories. It wasn’t the friends that Mike hated, it wasn’t that he was pissed at the new people in Will’s life–– just one of them. Mike hated Gina.  

“Fuck Gina.” Mike huffed under his breath.

He groaned as he ran up the stairs, frustration and confusion overwhelming him. The basement had started to feel claustrophobic and when Will started talking about his love life, Mike felt the all consuming desire to escape. Never in a million years did Mike ever consider the possibility that maybe all those years, the closeness and love that he felt for his best friend might be something more . It didn’t occur to him, not once. It’s not like Mike had ever felt that way about anyone else beside El. Why would he ever contemplate those feelings? He’d had no reason to. But when he went away to Emerson, when he was finally away from home and had physical distance between him, his girlfriend, and his friends, Mike realized something. As much as he loved the party, as much as he loved El, it was Will he kept thinking about. 

It had always been Will. He just hadn’t realized it until they were apart, until they weren’t consumed by the threat of the upside down and Vecna. Will and El had been far away before. When they moved to California for a while, it crushed him. He was both devastated that El was leaving again and that he wouldn’t have his best friend around. But back then, Mike was too emotionally immature and oblivious to understand why it was so painful. He had thought it was because he missed his girlfriend, and he did. But it was also something else. He’d regretted how he’d left things with Will. When the Byers family moved across the country, Mike never felt like he gave his best friend a proper apology. There was no closure.

At the time it ate at him and ate at him, but he didn’t understand why . He thought it was because he was scared of losing his oldest friend, that Will wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore. Now though, 18 year old Mike knows it was way more than that and it kills him. It kills him because he knows he’s been treating Will like shit because he can’t accept his own feelings. Ever since the summer of ‘85, Mike had felt this deep sense of shame within himself. It all stemmed from the day he fought with Will. “ It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” There was meant to be a “yet” at the end, but it died before it even had a chance to breathe.

God. The panic on his best friend’s face. Will looked so wounded, he looked at Mike like he’d just been stabbed. It broke Mike. It put cracks in the veneer of normalcy he’d been living in. It was the first time he’d ever considered that maybe the things that Lonnie, Troy, Tommy, and all those other assholes said, hurt Will so much because they were true. Not once had Mike ever considered that maybe Will was so upset because he didn’t like girls. Once the thought was seeded it began to grow roots and slowly bloom. It took years though. Every so often the thought of Will possibly being gay seemed to have a little more credence. 

Mike was now far away from the basement. He was almost to his room and all he could do was scowl, jaw clenched and eyes fighting back tears. What would his dad say? Men don’t cry over shit like this. Man up, Mike. Get over yourself . His lip quivered as he inhaled deeply, opening the door. He flung himself down onto his bed, burying his face in his pillow and letting out a muffled half-scream. He didn’t want anyone to hear him. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this. It was pathetic. He was pathetic. Mike Wheeler was sick to his stomach, crying and screaming over the fact that his best friend kissed someone–– someone who wasn’t him.

He laid there for several moments, face pressed deep into the blankets. This wasn’t who he was supposed to be. Mike was supposed to be happy at Emerson, making friends. He was supposed to be in love with and dating El, not feeling despondent over the realization that he wasn’t straight and had weird, fucked up feelings for his ex-girlfriend’s brother… for his best friend . It disgusted him. It made him feel physically ill. Mike was never supposed to feel this way about boys, but since going to college he had the unfortunate realization that he did feel that way, especially one boy in particular. Will.  

Mike had suspected that Will was into guys. Not that he wanted Will to be into him, no he totally didn’t want that. He had just gotten the feeling Will might be gay. He told himself it didn’t bother him if he was, that if Will ever did say something it wouldn’t change anything. But Mike wasn’t one hundred percent certain that Will was gay. There were a few things that made him question his own deductions–– mainly stuff El had said. If Will was gay though, and people found out… well it made Mike afraid for him. It brought up uncomfortable feelings for Mike, ones he tried to convince himself were just natural curiosities. Those curiosities though, if Mike said them outloud to anyone… well he’d have to be afraid for himself, too. 

That was what was so confusing and upsetting about all of this. Mike didn’t care if Will was gay, in fact up until now he thought he probably was. It hurt because deep down, Mike Wheeler finally realized he liked Will… and if Will was gay, then there was a chance that he felt the same way. God this is so messed up. Mike felt like he was going to throw up. He shouldn’t like Will, he shouldn’t feel this way. By all the laws of nature and his family’s values, he should be dating El still, thinking about a future together… but he wasn’t and he hadn’t been for a while. 

He felt guilty, when he broke up with her he couldn’t even give her a good reason why. He’d said some bullshit about growing apart and needing different things, but in reality he realized that he wasn’t in love with her the way he thought he was. He loved her, sure, but it was platonic. It was deep , but it was purely and utterly platonic. You can have a platonic soulmate, right? He loved her, but he wasn’t in love with her. Being away from her and away from Hawkins gave him time to think and when he started thinking, it was Will who occupied his thoughts. It was memories of Will that kept him up at night, leaving him lonely and wanting. 

    Mike rolled over onto his side, silently crying as he curled in on himself. On the wall was one of Will’s paintings. It was the one he’d given him in the back of Argyle’s shitty van. It was such a beautiful, meaningful picture. It made his heart swell in his chest as he thought about the earnest, emotional way Will presented it. At the time Mike was a dumb, oblivious 15 year old who was obsessed with feeling needed by someone he thought he was in love with. He had been an asshole to Will, treated him like shit, ignored him. But in that moment he finally saw Will again. He saw how utterly selfless and empathetic he was. He hadn’t realized at the time what the picture meant, what it might mean. He just knew it was painted by his best friend and it made some of the fears about El subside. 

He remembered how after Will gave it to him, after reassuring him that El loved him, his best friend couldn’t look at him. He remembered Will sobbing, he was trying to hide it, but Mike knew he was crying. He just didn’t know what to say, what to do–– because he didn’t understand Will’s feelings at the time–– so he just sat there, like an idiot, and did nothing. That must’ve made Will feel great, good job Mike. You just keep fucking up. Mike still wasn’t sure he understood Will’s feelings. He thought he did, especially after the years worth of memories he reflected on while in Boston. But maybe he’d been wrong. It sure seemed that way now. Will had Gina. 

Mike stood up and walked towards the painting. He smiled a weary, wistful smile as he thought about the words Will said to him: “lost without you… when you’re different, sometimes you feel like a mistake… you make her feel like she’s not a mistake at all… she’ll always need you.” It didn’t register when he was 15 but after thinking back on it, the tears, the shakiness in Will’s voice–– Mike had started to think that maybe Will was talking about himself. It made things even more clear when he eventually asked El about the painting. It took him years to even ask her why she had Will paint it and when she looked at him absolutely confused, Mike knew. He knew Will had lied to him. When he realized that, it triggered something inside him that he had refused to acknowledge and now it was too late. 

Mike had been wrong, Will didn’t like him at all. Whatever that was, whatever he’d noticed Will going through back then, Mike couldn’t figure it out. He was a shitty fucking friend. He obviously didn’t understand Will anymore and he’d gone back to acting like a dick, blowing him off and ignoring him because he was too afraid to be honest. He was sure it made Will feel like shit, maybe that’s why he didn’t tell Mike about Gina. Maybe it was why they barely talked–– though Mike knew he played a big part in that, sending mixed messages to Will. Mike had distanced himself from everyone, especially the two people who mattered most to him. He was alone, devastated. If things were different, if he wasn’t such a coward he might confide in El. He missed their closeness, but that would be an asshole move. 

He just wished he could talk to someone, someone who understood. These past few months had been so difficult and lonely and now he felt even worse. He was losing his best friend and he didn't know how to fix it. The other night when Will radioed him, he felt like his whole body was on fire. It was the happiest he had been in months. Hearing Will’s voice, even though he was high and acting kind of weird, it gave Mike butterflies. He didn’t even care that Will had called him an asshole, he had deserved it. He’d objectively been a jerk. He had wanted to see Will, to talk to him, but he had no idea it would be this devastating.

Mike dropped onto the floor, head hung low as he dragged his fingers through his hair. He leaned back against the bed and just let himself cry. He was so confused and pissed at himself. All he could think about was Will and how he, Mike, was making things miserable for everyone. When his best friend showed up, when he finally saw Will after all these months, he took his breath away. He couldn’t help but melt a little when he looked at Will, noticed how he had changed. It wasn't that Will was different per say–– no, Will was finally himself . 

Mike could see it, he could see the subtle confidence, the way Will’s beautiful hazel eyes looked far less sad than they used to. Will didn’t look like a scared, awkward kid anymore. He looked handsome.  He made Mike feel like his chest might explode, like he couldn’t breathe. If Mike wasn’t a coward, if he didn’t care about social taboos and consequences, he would’ve kissed Will the minute he walked through the front door. But Mike was terrified. He was so scared that if he was honest everything he loved would just cease. So he wasn’t.

“Mike?” Will knocked on his door. 

Mike froze. No, no, no. This is not happening. He buried his face in his hands and groaned.

“Go away, Will!” 

“Mike, come on. Can we talk?” 

Jesus christ, Will sounded so sad , desperate even.

“What’s there to talk about?” Mike made his way to the door, leaning his back against it.

“I don’t know, Mike . You tell me.”

A sigh.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Will. Just go away.” 

“Really, Mike?” Will sounded tearful. “You made it pretty clear that you don’t care about anything I have to say. You just fucking left and acted like a total asshole.” 

Will was trying to suppress his sobs, he didn't want Mike to hear how upset he really was. In fact, Will felt shitty for calling him out. He just wanted to understand. He just wanted to know if he had hurt him.

“That’s not true, Will!” Mike yelled through the door.

“Seriously? You’re gonna pretend that you didn’t totally ignore me when I was talking about school or get pissed off when–– when Gina came up? I don’t understand, Mike. I thought… I thought we were best friends.” 

“We are, Will. We are best friends.”

Will heard a thump against the door.

“Well you sure aren’t acting like it.” 

“How do you want me to act, Will? What the fuck do you want me to say?”

Will was taken aback by how angry Mike sounded. It was familiar, intimately. It was how Will felt and acted at times with Mike and El. It made him feel guilty, but he almost didn’t care, he just wanted his Mike back–– the Mike who always supported him and made sure he was okay.

“I want you to be happy for me? I don’t know, maybe that’s asking too much.” Will couldn’t control whether or not he was sobbing anymore. The floodgates were open.

He heard movement beyond the door, the sounds of Mike unlocking it. Will’s heart beat faster, he was petrified of what might happen next. He didn’t want to fight with Mike, he didn’t want their friendship to die over something he didn’t even understand. He took a step back, worry driving him, and waited as Mike slowly opened the door.

    It was clear that Mike had been crying, his eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks still slightly damp. Will felt himself gasp slightly, he rarely ever saw Mike cry. In that moment, none of his own feelings seemed to matter, Will just wanted to comfort him. Will tentatively reached out, trying to breach the tension, but Mike pushed him away.

“Don’t, Will.” Once again Mike couldn’t look at him.

“Don’t what, Mike? Make sure you’re okay? You’re my best friend!”

“Am I?”” Mike scoffed.

Will stared at him wide eyed. Tears falling with more frequency.

“Wh–what?” His voice was so small and quiet, he felt like he was a bug about to get stepped on.

Mike must’ve noticed how much that hurt him because his face immediately softened after Will spoke.

“I–– I just mean… are we? Still best friends?” Mike leaned against the door frame. Great job Mike, keep pushing Will away, keep making him feel like shit. You made him cry you fucking asshole.

“Wh–why wouldn’t we be?” Will’s voice was so shaky.

“I don’t know… best friends tell each other stuff, Will.”

Will’s face contorted into something angry, something deeply hurt.

“Oh yeah? Yeah, Michael? You’re right, best friends do tell each other shit. But I guess we’re not best friends anymore. Why the fuck did I find out from El this week that you broke up with her around Thanksgiving? Why didn’t you tell me, Mike? Why did you lie to El and say that you would talk to me when clearly, you didn’t?” 

Mike just stood there, mouth agape, unable to find the words. He felt so lost and hurt and didn’t know how to express his feelings. He just kept digging a deeper and deeper hole. He had no idea how to respond to Will, so he just didn’t. 

Will’s brows knit together, hoping that Mike would give him something, some explanation or assurance. But there was nothing. Mike said absolutely nothing. Will’s heart sunk into his stomach and he felt like he might be sick, like he was going to pass out. 

“Fuck you, Mike.” Will shoved him before flipping him off and storming off down the stairs.

Still Mike did nothing, despite everything that screamed inside him to fix it, to fix everything. Mike Wheeler was frozen, heart broken and angry. 

    Will grabbed his coat off the wall rack, shoved his arms through the sleeves and trudged outside. He was bitter, he was bewildered and hurt. His chest felt tight, like he couldn’t breathe deep enough. He needed to escape, he wanted to leave, but the rest of the party were still inside. El was still inside, he couldn’t leave her here and just drive off, going literally anywhere else to blow off steam. He needed to cool down, to get a hold of himself. Whatever Will had envisioned for his winter break, this seemed like the worst case scenario. He knew he’d have a full blown breakdown when he got home. He’d probably talk to Jonathan, maybe he’d call Gina. 

    He shoved his hands in his pockets as he approached his car, looking for the keys and his cigarettes. He resolved not to abandon El, he just needed space for a while, so he decided to cool off–– literally. He rummaged through the glove compartment, grabbing the now sparse pack of cigarettes and his sketchbook. Anymore he always had his sketchbook on him, it helped. He sat on the hood of the rust bucket and brought his knees to his chest . It felt like it might snow, the air had that cold, wet weather smell and the sky was gray. Will sighed, his breaths still ragged as he looked up at the darkening clouds and lit a cigarette. The first drag was heaven.

“Mind if I sit?” A voice called out softly to his right. 

Will whipped his head towards the sound. He was a little hypervigilant and on edge.

Standing less than 10 feet away, bundled in a thick blue down jacket, was Max Mayfield. She looked at him, her eyes sympathetic, patient. He struggled to meet her gaze, his eyes still red and damp. He felt exposed and embarrassed. This was all so fucking stupid. He breathed in deep and without saying a word he invited Max in by offering to share his newly lit Newport.

“Newports?” She wrinkled her nose.

“What?” Will smiled weakly. “It’s your only option, Max. Unless you’ve got something better.”

She took the cigarette from him and inhaled slowly, before passing it back.

“Never said I was complaining, Byers.” She elbowed him, trying to cheer him up. 

They sat in silence for a few moments, passing the cigarette back and forth as Will continued to silently cry. He’d gotten pretty good at it over the years.

“Seriously, are you okay though?” Max finally broke the silence, her voice genuinely concerned.

Will contemplated the question for a moment. He didn’t want to lie, he was too exhausted and upset to try to convince someone as observant and shrewd as Max that everything was fine.

“No.” He took a long drag and wiped his nose.

“You wanna talk about it?” She squeezed his shoulder.

Will and Max had gotten close since her ordeal with Vecna. They now shared something deeply traumatic in common and unlike the rest of the party, they weren’t too keen on talking about their problems. For Max, opening up was uncomfortable because she felt like she should be able to handle things on her own. She wanted to prove she was strong. For Will, he never wanted to burden anyone else with caring about him. So they both bottled things up inside. They both knew it wasn’t healthy, yet they sort of enabled each other. Today though, based on Max’s demeanor, it didn’t seem like she was going to let him off easy.

“Not really? But… but maybe I should.” Will sighed, laying back onto the hood.

“If you want. You know I won’t judge you Byers.”

“I know. I just–– it feels so stupid.” He continued to look up at the sky, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. “I just thought that coming back home, things could be like they used to. I don’t know. I thought I wanted to see everyone, I was excited to see you guys and then…”

“Wheeler had to be an ass.” Max deadpanned, looking down at Will.

“I wouldn’t put it like that exactly…”

“Well, Will, how would you put it?” She raised her eyebrows. “We could all see Mike wasn’t exactly warm and fuzzy today.”

“I mean yeah, but––”

“He acted like a jerk to you, Will.”

Will propped himself up on his elbows, looking at Max with sad, confused eyes.

“I guess… I don’t know, something’s going on with him.”

“Will, why are you always making excuses for Wheeler’s shitty behavior? He was a dick. It’s okay to say it. The world’s not gonna end.” 

He attempted to smile at her, but it was so dejected that it caused her to snort. She wasn’t mocking him or anything, just the situation was a little ridiculous from her perspective.

“God, Will. I get that he’s your best friend, but you act like he walks on water or some shit.”

“No I don’t.” He protested.

“Yes you do! You can’t even admit that he hurt your feelings. Me and El heard you guys yelling at each other. We didn’t hear what you said… you just sounded angry.”

Will smacked himself in the forehead. Was anything private anymore?

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, fuck. ” Max sighed. “So… what happened? It sounded pretty heated.”

“It’s gonna sound so stupid.” Will rolled his eyes.

“So what if it does? Like I said, I’m not gonna judge you.”

“Today was the first time I saw Mike since August,”

Max’s eyes widened, she was clearly surprised.

“It’s almost like it was when El and I moved to Lenora. Honestly, it feels a little worse. He barely calls, barely talks to me at all. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with him, but he’s clearly not okay and it really hurts that he’s just been fucking ignoring me.”

“Wow. Will, I’m sorry.” Max squeezed his shoulder again.

“Did you know Mike and El broke up?” He sniffled, staring out into the Wheeler’s front yard.

Max was quiet for several moments. It said everything Will needed to know.

“Well I didn’t. I had no idea. El only told me because she found out Mike didn’t.”

“What?” Max looked confused.

“Mike. He told El not to tell me they broke up because he thought I’d take it better if it came from him. But he never told me shit.” 

“What the actual fuck?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to me either…” 

Max pursed her lips, drumming her fingers on the car.

“Well I guess that sorta explains why he was so cagey around you today… maybe he thought you’d confront him or something?”

“Oh, I did.” Will looked up at her, regret swimming behind his eyes. “After he stormed off–– I was worried about him, and mad. I felt really confused and kind of hurt. Like when we were all hanging out, catching up… I thought everything was fine. But he seemed so disinterested, like he didn’t give a shit about anything. And then when he asked about me and acted like he didn’t care? It hurt really fucking bad because I miss him and I just want him to talk to me the way we used too. I wanted him to be happy for me or proud of me or something, I don’t know.”

“Instead he was a jerk and stormed off…” Max waited patiently for Will to continue, accepting another drag of his cigarette. 

“Yeah and it’s so fucking stupid, too!” Will pressed the heel of his palms to his eyes.

“Oh, pray tell.” Max propped her chin on her elbows.

“He was mad at me because I didn’t tell him about Gina… or at least that’s what he said. He thinks I’m a shitty best friend because I failed to mention that I hooked up with someone, meanwhile he “forgot” to tell me he broke up with El… but yeah, I’m the bad friend. ”

“Oh my god. Seriously?” Max looked incredibly annoyed. “Is Wheeler serious? That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. He’s acting all pissy because you got your dick wet?” 

“Max!” Will jolted upright. “What the fuck?!”

She stared at him for a moment, her face slowly taking on a sheepish look.

“I––sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Heat of the moment.”

Will sighed. “It’s okay…”

“It’s just,” Max paused. “The way you reacted to Dustin earlier, when he asked you if you and Gina did anything else. I kinda assumed…”

Will side eyed her, his face turning even more red than it was from the cold. 

“I mean…” Will sighed deeply.

“Will?!” 

“Max?!” He teased back. “No, no I didn’t do anything–– with Gina. ” 

Will felt his heart plummet into his stomach. Will what the fuck? He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping he would melt like the snow and slide off the car into a puddle. He just had to keep running his fucking mouth. He was learning he really needed to not drink around people from Hawkins. Even after 3 beers he was looser-lipped than he’d like to be. This was his worst nightmare coming true. 

“Will, what do you mean with Gina ?” She copied his intonation.

He groaned. Fuck, he was an idiot.

“I mean , nothing happened with Gina.” 

“So you lied?”

“No, not exactly.” 

“Come on, Will. It’s obvious something’s going on with you. I know you don’t like talking about shit–– I know you know I get that… but, maybe it’ll feel less shitty if you do?”

He turned away from Max, part of him just wanted to rip off the bandaid. So far he’d told 3 people and he was completely sober when he did that. Now, he was buzzed, wounded, and looking for comfort. He thought about what Max had said about her classes earlied: really progressive… sexuality and sexual orientation. Will was tired of moping, tired of letting himself feel like he had to go through everything alone and in silence. El, Jonathan, and his mom were all his family. That was different. Right now he needed a friend.

“Okay.” He turned to face her, his vision blurring with tears. “Max, you have to promise me you won’t say anything though. You can’t tell anyone, okay?” His voice sounded utterly desperate.

Max looked concerned and a bit taken aback. 

“Shit, Byers! This is serious, huh?”

Will swallowed hard, nodding. He tried to fight off the tears, but he was powerless to stop them.

“I didn’t lie Max, not exactly.” His lip shook. “I did do all of those things… just not with Gina.”

“Okay? I’m not sure I’m following.”

“There is no Gina–– well, there is, but we’re just friends. She doesn’t like me like that.” Will’s fingers tightened around his sketchbook. “And I don’t like her like that. But, one of my friends did kiss me,”

 Will swallowed hard, eyes flicking to observe Max’s reaction. 

“And I liked it, I really liked it. I like him. A lot.”

“Oh.” The sound was so soft when it left Max’s lips. There was no judgment, just acknowledgement. 

Inside, Will was panicking. His thoughts were racing and his hands were clammy. He felt his knee start to bounce, shaking so hard he thought his leg might fall off. 

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna be friends anymore, Max… I get it.”

“Will, what the fuck? Why wouldn’t I wanna be friends anymore?” She slapped his arm.

“B-because I’m gay?”

“Wow. You think I’d really stop being friends with you because you like guys?” She sounded utterly offended.

“I hoped not… but most people would proba––”

“Jesus, Will. I’m not most people. With all the shit we’ve been through together do you really think I’d just kick your ass to the curb? No. No, you’re stuck with me whether you want me or not.”

Will smiled, tearful, but happy as Max pulled him in for a tight hug.

This was so much better than he ever could’ve hoped for. With his family, the process was highly emotional, a little painful even. But with Max? It was almost like the conversation didn’t need to happen. He was glad that it did, though. He was glad at least one of his friends knew. 

“So, What’s his name?” She poked Will in the ribs.

“Danny…” Will blushed.

“ Danny–– Is he hot?”

“Extremely. Think Matt Dillon, only hotter.”

“Hotter than Matt Dillon! No way.” Max gasped. 

“I’ll show you!”

Will opened his sketchbook, nervously flipping to a page close to the middle. He handed it over to Max, letting her see something no one but Danny had seen before. Tucked between two pages, among a series of sketches of Danny, were two photos–– a strip from a photo booth and a polaroid. Will felt his face flush as Max picked them up. In the photos were Will and his hotter-than-Matt-Dillon friend with benefits. The polaroid was an embarrassing photo, mostly that it was supposed to be for Will and Danny’s eyes only. 

The photo strip wasn’t too bad, mostly they were making silly faces, but Danny had decided to kiss him spontaneously in the last one. Will remembered it fondly. 

“I promise I will never doubt you again, Byers. Your man is, in fact, hotter than Matt Dillon.”

Will blushed, ducking his head to avoid looking at Max.

“He’s not my boyfriend… we’re just friends.” 

“Jesus Will! This looks like a lot more than just friends.” Max held up the polaroid.

Will felt slightly mortified. It wasn’t like it was too raunchy or anything. It was just him and Danny, laying on his bed… in their underwear. Will’s back was pressed against his friend as they shared a cigarette. Danny’s arm wrapped around his torso, his hand awfully close to Will’s *ahem*… okay a lot more than friends.

    Will snatched the pictures back and quickly tucked them away, looking at Max sheepishly. He plucked the cigarette out of her hand and took a long overdue drag. He loved Max, but this was a lot more than he’d bargained for today.

“So, Will… did something else happen with Danny?” 

This was so embarrassing. Is this how everyone else felt? Did they all get asked about what they did in bed or with their dates? If so, Will now regretted being invited into the fold. He knew his face was bright red, he knew Max was smirking at him expectantly. It was better than the alternative.

“What, are you Dustin?”

“Friends ask this sort of shit Will, get used to it.”

“Do I have to?” He teased.

“Just this once… I’m kidding you don’t have to.”

“Yes, Max. What do you think? Of course we did other stuff! I’m 18 and I’d never even kissed anyone before. Going to college for me has been like speedrunning all the high school shit I missed out on.”

She grinned deviousy at him. 

“I’m proud of you Byers,” She elbowed him. “Finally in league with the rest of us drinking, drugs, sex––”

“Well… I haven’t done that. ” He interrupted. “Just–– just handjobs. ” He whispered. 

Max smiled at him, pulling him into a tight hug.

“I mean it, Will, I’m proud of you. You finally seem happy –– well aside from Mike being a dick. I’m happy that you’re happy. And unlike some people , I don’t care if you neglect to tell me if you have and who you’ve hooked up with. Let Wheeler be bitter for whatever bizarre reason. Screw him. There’s more to life than stupid boys. ”

Will leaned into her, accepting the contact readily. He was so grateful to have Max, especially right now. He needed this. He needed a friend like her. Will had done a lot of very stupid, very brave things today and he was about to do one more. But this was Max, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

“You know I like him… right?” Will rested his head on Max’s shoulder.

Max suddenly fell into a coughing fit, choking on the cigarette smoke as she pulled away from Will. Her expression was sort of hilarious, a mix of disgust and amusement.

“Mike?! You like Mike fucking Wheeler? Are you actually insane? Something has to be seriously wrong with you, Byers.”

Will watched her, wide eyed and embarrassed as she composed herself. 

“I mean, yeah, I must be a little insane? I’m in love with my best friend who treats me like shit for some reason and can’t seem to be honest with people who care about him.” Will huffed.

“Oh my god, Will. In love? That’s even worse.” she playfully pushed him. “You know how you fix that? The insanity I mean.”

Will looked at her expectantly, hoping whatever she said really could make his stupid infatuation with Mike disappear.

“Humiliate Mike by kicking his ass in Super Mario Brothers.” 

She hopped off the car, holding out her hand to invite him back inside. Will, ever cautious, snuffed out the second cigarette and put his sketchbook back in the glove compartment. He linked arms with her and they made their way back to the house.

As they walked down the lawn, the front door cracked open. Peering around the corner was an extremely apologetic looking Mike, accompanied by El. His step sister looked simultaneously irritated with her ex-boyfriend and pleased with herself. Will could only assume that El and Max had conspired to smooth things over. He wasn’t mad, though. He was grateful. He didn’t want to fight with his friends or hide things from them. He hoped that maybe whatever El said to Mike might make things okay again. He just wanted that closeness, wanted to feel  like he mattered without having to ask. 

He leaned in close to Max as they reentered the house.

“Thanks, Max. For everything.” He whispered.

“You’re welcome, Will. For everything.” She squeezed his bicep.

Maybe things would be okay after all.

Chapter Text

Going back into the Wheeler’s basement was nerve wracking. After the argument he’d had with Mike, Will wasn’t too keen on subjecting himself to being neglected by the person he wanted to care about him the most. But Max reassured him, she promised things would be okay. Will wanted to believe her. He trusted Max, but he didn’t know if her faith in things working out extended to Mike. He doubted it. Like always, Will brushed his own feelings aside, pushed them down and tried not to think about them as he made his way back downstairs.

    The seating arrangement had changed. Of course it did. Mike and Dustin had switched places, creating further distance between Will and his best friend. Mike slumped into the armchair, curling in on himself a little as he watched the rest of the party reassemble, acting like nothing had happened. Dustin and Lucas… they were all acting like their friends didn’t just blow up at each other. It made Will feel awkward, like he was supposed to forget that he’d just had his feelings hurt. He sighed as he crumpled on the floor next to El. She reached out, grabbing his hand and squeezing it firmly.

“Are you okay?” She whispered.

“Yeah… I will be.”

Will leaned his head on his step sister’s shoulder, closing his eyes for a moment. He wanted to drown out all the emotion and just forget. He knew he probably shouldn’t have another drink, but he felt like he deserved one. 

    He slowly slipped out of El’s grasp and plucked another beer from under the table, popping it open on the edge.

“Will.” El scolded.

“Last one, I promise.” 

No one else seemed to notice their hushed interaction, too engrossed in figuring out what to do next.

“Come on you guys! We play video games all the time–– at least I do. We haven’t done a movie marathon in months!”

Will glanced up towards Dustin, curious about what he had in mind.

“What would we even watch? I’m pretty sure we’ve blown through every single movie Wheeler’s parents ever bought.” Max looked annoyed. “Besides, I promised Will he could kick Mike’s ass in Super Mario Brothers.”

Mike did a double take, his face contorting in an awfully familiar way. Mike made that face whenever he was irritated or offended, mostly it was a mix of agitation and confusion. It used to make Will laugh. Even if his best friend looked goofy, Will always thought it was cute. He bowed his head down, trying not to stare too long as he thought about all the times Mike had made that stupid face. He missed it. 

 Will knew that beneath that look, hidden in the way Mike’s features softened after a moment, that he felt guilty. Will hoped Mike felt guilty. He wanted him to feel bad, only a little . This whole afternoon, whatever was going on between him and Mike, Will just prayed that it wasn’t his fault. He hoped more than anything that he wasn’t the cause of Mike’s apparent coldness. That would be devastating. He didn’t want things to get worse either. As nice as Max’s encouragement was before, the more he thought about the prospect of compounding competition on top of his discomfort, the less tempting the offer seemed. 

“It’s okay, Max.” Will leaned back against the couch. “I don’t know if I’m really in the mood anymore.”

“Oh, okay, if you’re sure.” She smiled at him.

Will nodded, trying not to seem too mopey. He loved all of them, he wanted to be with them, but the boat had already rocked enough. 

“Movies?” He returned his attention to Dustin.

His friend smiled wide, reaching into his backpack. 

“I was thinking we could do a slasher marathon? Like we used to?” 

“Sounds fun.” Will grinned. “I’m down if everyone else is…”

Will used to love those marathons. Once the four of them had gotten old enough, Mrs. Henderson had started letting Dustin rent R-rated movies. Mrs. Wheeler never would’ve let them watch Halloween or Fright Night at Mike’s house , but they used to do it anyway. It wasn’t like she checked on them to make sure they weren’t peeing their pants with terror. Back then, they watched in fascination, utterly enraptured in the gore and scares. It seemed, to middle school Will, that the other boys were fearless, that nothing scared them. He’d never said anything at the time, but those movies freaked him out. He used to have nightmares even before the upside down. Will watched them anyway. He watched them because his friends liked them, because Mike did. 

Eventually, horror movies stopped being as scary for him. Nothing was as terrifying as being trapped in an alternate dimension or being possessed by the mindflayer–– nothing except the truth he’d finally come to accept. He breathed a deep sigh and took another swig of beer, trying to shake off the uneasiness.

“What do you have in mind?” Lucas raised a brow.

“Remember Halloween last year?”

Everyone one nodded. They were all supposed to get together and have a movie night, but Will ended up having to work and Max had some sort of flu, so it never happened.

“Well,” Dustin pulled a stack of tapes out of his bag. “I thought we could finally catch up on all the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.”

“All of them?!” Mike leaned forward. “Dude, that’s like over 7 hours of movies.” 

“And?” 

“I do not wanna spend 7 plus hours trapped in Mike’s basement. That sounds like a “Nightmare ”... seriously?” Max huffed.

“Okay, just a suggestion… maybe we watch one and see how we feel?” Lucas tried to mediate.

Will looked at Eleven, trying to make sure she was okay with this. She didn’t like scary movies. Before he even said anything, she squeezed his hand and nodded, letting him know she’d be fine. She had her brother to comfort her. He squeezed her hand right back and turned towards the party.

“I’m cool with that. El, too.”

“Nice! Which one? The first one, or?” Dustin deferred to the group.

“We’ve already seen the first one…” Mike crossed his arms.

“So, Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge?”

They all finally came to an agreement. The second installment was the logical choice. 

Max and El offered to go make popcorn, leaving the guys to set everything up. Will just sat there, sullen and a bit withdrawn. He had never told anyone, but the first time they’d watched Nightmare on Elm Street , 14 year old Will’s experience was anything but fun. Back in the summer of ‘85, was when he began to really realize that he wasn’t like his friends. It was a few weeks after they’d sealed the gate again and the party had decided to get together and just be regular kids for an evening. Will recalled how at first, he was only a little scared–– Freddy Kreuger was objectively terrifying–– but that’s not why Will remembered that night so vividly. 

He remembered the abject horror he felt when he realized that he was attracted to the main character Nancy’s boyfriend. Glen . It was when Will began to understand that all of those thoughts and feelings he’d been having about boys… about Mike , was because he liked him. He remembered how when he saw Glen, he felt so flustered, how he couldn’t stop staring at him. He was mesmerized, studying every detail–– the dark coiffed hair, warm brown eyes, the curve of his lips. Then came the scene where he was in a crop top, his stomach exposed. Glen’s physique–– It made something stir in the pit of Will’s stomach, like a knot twisting, butterflies making their way to his chest.

That night, Will Byers finally realized he was gay and it disgusted him. Present Will felt so heartbroken for that lonely, petrified 14 year old and how things got even worse when Freddy killed Glen on screen. With most of his friends coupled up, Will had no one to comfort him through the jump scares. Watching Glen die freaked him out so badly that he absent mindedly grabbed onto Mike, his hand clutching his best friend’s thigh. 14 year old Will was mortified and thought he might die then and there. It was that night he figured out he loved Mike. Four years ago, he cried himself to sleep in a sleeping bag on the Wheeler’s basement floor, mere inches from his friends. No one had heard him and to this day, none of them knew. 

    Eventually the girls came back with popcorn laced with Reese’s Pieces, Will’s favorite. It was Max and El’s way of trying to cheer him up without bringing attention to the obvious tension in the room. He silently thanked them as they took their seats. The tape was popped in, snacks were passed around, and they settled in. Everyone was silent, a few gasps every now and then, but for the first several scenes, nothing was really scarier than the original.

As the movie progressed Will realized something, Freddie’s Revenge was very different from the first film. Not only did it center on a new character, but the tone, and the themes… the subtext. Will began to feel incredibly uncomfortable, even more so than he was four years ago. Nightmare 2 was incredibly, blatantly queer. He felt himself start to sweat, he felt entirely too warm and his face was flushed. He was so fucking grateful he was sitting on the floor, that no one could see him. He was afraid to turn around, to see his friend’s reactions to the suggestive dialogue. The exchanges between male characters that came off as more than friends. Will was regretting this entirely.

He watched in abject horror as the main character, Jesse, mentioned how his gym teacher frequented a local leather bar… you know, the gay kind . There was a scene where Jesse was dancing around in a flamboyant, racy manner. It all made Will want to shrink into himself. The worst though, was the sequence where Jesse wanders into said leather bar and meets up with his, highly hinted at being closeted, gym teacher. What the fuck. The implications throughout coach Schneider’s death scene were not at all subtle either… it was entirely sexual . Not to mention that one of Jesse’s male classmates suggested that Jesse wanted to sleep with him.

Will felt like he might throw up. He wanted to throw up. He was deeply regretting agreeing to this, though how would they have known? He hoped, he prayed, that maybe his friends weren’t picking up on the implications. He dreaded the possibility of those undertones slipping into jokes and discussions of the film later. By the end of the movie Will was as white as a sheet, all the color drained from his face. He sat there stunned, utterly silent. He hoped he would disappear, hoped no one was paying attention to him.

“Well…” Dustin finally dispelled the quiet. “That was fucking weird.” 

“Yeah…” Max glanced down briefly at Will, who definitely noticed her looking at him, but acted like he didn’t. “That’s not at all what I expected.” 

“It was… interesting?” Lucas didn’t even believe his own words. It would be comical if this wasn’t so distressing.

“Will?” 

Oh no. Oh god no. 

“Huh?” He mumbled, refusing to look at anyone, knees pulled to his chest.

“What about you? What do you think?”

“I don’t know,” He paused, trying to wrack his brain for something to say–– something that wouldn’t give away every single disturbing emotion coursing through him. “I kinda zoned out.” It was the best he could do.

“Really? I have no clue how you could zone out watching that. ” Dustin gestured.

Will buried his face into his knees. He wanted this to be over. He needed this to be over. 

“Guys, can we just, move on?” Max was trying to save him, thank god for Max.

Lucas and Dustin both nodded sheepishly, Max alway had a way of keeping them in line. Will looked up at her, when the guys turned away he mouthed: Thank you. She smirked at him, throwing the last few pieces of popcorn at Will's face, attempting to hit him.

“Max!” He laughed. “Stop.”

“What’s that, Byers? You want me to keep going?”

Will elbowed her playfully, trying to adopt a genuine smile. El soon joined in, picking up the discarded bits of popcorn and tossing them at Will and Max. Sure, it was immature, but it was nice to be silly for a little while.

    Dustin’s watch beeped, causing everyone to whip their heads in his direction.

“Shit!” He looked at the time. “Fuck, it’s almost 9… I promised Steve and Robin I’d go pick her up from the bus station in the morning. She’s coming in from Chicago to Indy and Steve’s working early tomorrow, so I said I’d do it. I gotta catch some sleep. Sorry Guys.”

“Don’t apologize, dude.” Lucas stretched. “If you gotta go, you gotta go.”

Dustin nodded, stuffing the VHS tapes back into his backpack.

“See you guys! Lemme know if you wanna hang out again.” He called as he ran up the stairs.

They all seemed to shout various goodbyes to him in unison as he left. 

“We should head out too.” Max pulled Will up off the floor as she stood. “It’s late and I think 8 hours is way too long to have spent in Mike’s basement.” 

She looked at Will fondly, a soft warm smile greeting him. It was out of character for her, but Will didn’t question it. He knew she was trying to show him she was here if he needed someone. 

“Yeah, I think we’ll head out.” Lucas yawned. “This’s been fun, but I’m beat…. It’s a good thing my house is only like two streets over.” He looked over at his girlfriend, it was obvious to anyone with eyes and ears that he was implying she should stay the night. 

Max rolled her eyes at him, though a teasing smirk made an appearance. She pulled Will into a tight hug, it hurt a little, but he didn’t care.

“Night, Will. Don’t do anything stupid and get home safe, okay?”

He nodded timidly.

“Yeah, you too.” Will hugged back. “It was great to see you guys, really.” He looked over Max’s shoulder at Lucas.

“You too, dude. We missed you.” 

The boys exchanged quick hugs, followed by a similar interaction between Lucas and Mike. With goodbyes uttered and El walking Max up the stairs, murmuring indistinctly and giggling, Will found himself filled with a wistfulness he’d hoped wouldn’t return. He was now alone, frozen in place, with Mike.

Shit . 

“El and I should go, too.” Will’s voice was quiet. He glanced at Mike briefly before darting his eyes back to the stairs. Some part of him just wanted to run, book it back out to his car without a word. But that would likely make everything worse. Will took a deep breath and stepped forward, attempting to leave but he didn’t get very far. 

He heard Mike sigh, it was tinged with worry–– something he rarely expressed anymore. In the past, even if Will had been perfectly fine, Mike would’ve worried about him. It was an unspoken rule, though now it seemed like that rule had crumbled a while ago.

“Will,” Mike stopped him, grabbing his shoulder. His grip was tighter than expected. “You drank four beers, man. You’re not sober enough to drive.”

“The last one was over an hour ago, Mike.” Will said flatly. “I’m fine.” 

“No you’re not.” Mike huffed.

“ I’m fine. ” Will insisted, attempting to pry Mike’s hand away from his shoulder, but Mike’s grip dug in even more.

“You’re not, Will . You’re not.” Mike looked at his feet, taking deep, measured breaths. “I can see it all over your face…” 

Will clenched his jaw and exhaled sharply. The way Mike was looking at him, it made something twist in his chest. It tugged at his heart strings, made him feel noticed. Will wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. Ever since late afternoon their exchanges had been emotionally charged. The sudden concern should make him happy, but it didn’t, instead he was resentful.

“Is this your attempt at an apology, Mike?” He didn’t mean to sound so bitter.

“Will, I––”

“Save it.” Will wriggled free from his best friend’s grasp and headed towards the stairs. “Me and El should go.”

Whatever else Mike might have to say, Will didn’t want to hear it. He was hurt .  Mike being unable to say anything to him all day after they blew up at each other left him feeling dejected. Then to use the fact that he’d been drinking as an excuse to try and corner him, forcing him into talking about it? It felt like Mike was trying to soothe his own ego rather than patch things up. So Will left his best friend at the bottom of the stairs, not even bothering to say goodbye.

    When Will reached the entryway he saw El waiting for him, swaying nervously and holding her coat.

“What’s wrong?” He raised an eyebrow.

She turned towards the door, a worried expression on her face.

“It started snowing after Max and Lucas left.” 

“And?” 

“It’s bad.”

Will closed his eyes and sighed, proceeding to make his way towards the window. When he looked out, it was clear that El was right. It was bad. Though it was dark out, the air was thick with swirling clouds of white dust. There was no way their car would be able to make it home through the now heavily falling snow. It could barely chug along on a good day. 

“Fuck.” 

“Everything okay?” Mike’s voice traveled down the hall.

The siblings turned around in unison, looking at Mike with two wildly different expressions. El’s face was uneasy, anxiety evident in the way her brows knit and her lips turned down at the corners. While Will’s face? His emotions were clear, intense frustration.

“There’s no way we can drive home in that.” Will turned towards his step sister, ignoring Mike.

Despite Will’s obvious avoidance, Mike approached the pair. He came to stand beside Will, cupping his hands against the glass and staring out the window.

“Shit. Yeah… I don’t think you should even try.”

“Mike is right, Will. I don’t think it is safe…” She looked at her brother intently. “I will call Joyce and Hopper and tell them we are not coming home. I think they would be upset if we tried to leave.”

Without another word El made her way to the kitchen, not allowing Will any time to object as she made the phone call. 

“What about your parents, Mike?” Will looked at him begrudgingly. “Do you really think they’d be okay with El staying over?”

“Well…” Mike pursed his lips, pulling away from the window. He still couldn’t look at Will directly. “They’re not home yet, which is weird honestly, but maybe they got caught in the storm and stopped at a motel or something.” He crossed his arms. “I don’t think they’d care if it’s an emergency. Knowing my mom… if she was here, she wouldn’t let you leave.”

Will half laughed, half scoffed. Mike was right, Karen would insist that they stay. As a kid, Will had done it plenty of times. But now they were grown up and El was here.  Mike’s parents were traditional, they’d never let Mike have a girl spend the night–– even if they weren’t dating. It was a good thing they weren’t home then.

“Fine.” Will exhaled. “It’s not like we really have a choice.”

Mike chewed his lip, unsure how to respond to how uncharacteristically standoffish Will was. He watched him, standing in strained silence. Mike noted the way Will’s jaw set, how tense he seemed. Mike knew, he knew it was his fault. He felt so stupid. For the past few years, mostly unintentionally, he’d been oblivious to his best friend’s struggles. Subconsciously he knew something with Will was amiss, but since high school, Mike was suddenly unable to notice him the way he used to. He’d been so caught up in his own confusing mix of emotions, that he’d completely lost Will. He accidentally abandoned him.

He wanted to fix things, but he didn’t know how. Sure, Mike Wheeler could craft a riveting tale of adventure, but he couldn’t openly express his feelings. Every time he tried, even with El in the past, he’d just find a way to say everything but what he truly meant. He wasn’t emotionally intelligent like Will. Sure, he had emotions, but he didn’t know how to cope with them, how to share them and ask for validation or, godforbid, help . Will was different though. Mike wasn’t sure if it was because his best friend wasn’t afraid of being emotional or if he just lacked the ability to be numb, he admired Will’s sensitivity. It was one of the things he loved most about him.

Both boys were lost deep in thought, wallowing in their own bullshit while El informed Joyce that they’d be spending the night. They went through the motions, doing things on autopilot because it was easier–– hearing but not listening when El informed them that they were okay to crash at Mike’s and that Nancy was stuck at the Byers’. Mike nodded like he was supposed to, telling her she could take his bed if she wanted and that he and Will would figure something else out. Instead Eleven asked if it would be okay to sleep in Nancy’s room. Something in the way she declined Mike’s offer told Will he should worry, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Nancy’s room?” Mike questioned.

“Is that okay?” El looked at her feet. “I don’t want to take your room from you, Mike.”

“I mean she’s not here, so yeah… I guess it’s okay.” He flashed her a weak smile.

El nodded, hugged Will and kissed him on the cheek before making her way upstairs.

 Once again, the two friends were left alone. Will couldn’t help but think that maybe El did this on purpose–– that she rebuffed Mike and insisted on staying in order to get them to talk to each other. He couldn’t be certain though, it seemed less likely a tactic El would employ and more in line with one of Max’s schemes. Perhaps it was simply a coincidence. It didn’t matter why it was happening, all that mattered was that they were stuck spending the night at the Wheeler’s with the weight of their argument still tainting every interaction. This was going to be a long, uncomfortable night.

Will begrudgingly followed Mike to his childhood bedroom. Everything still looked exactly as he remembered: blue walls, the Conan the Barbarian poster, cork board filled with reminders and doodles, the “one way” sign, and of course the full size bed with the checkered duvet. Will took a sharp breath in as he pushed past the door, regret chasing after every footstep.

“You can take my bed, Will.” Mike riffled through his drawers, searching for pajamas.

Will looked at his feet, unsure of how to respond–– or what to even say really. He was brought up to be polite, and he was, so he did what he was used to.

“Don't’ be like that, Mike. It’s your house–– your room. I can sleep on the floor, it’s not a big deal.” 

Will sounded apologetic. He was starting to feel guilty about how he’d been acting. He wasn’t a cold or mean person. Yes, Will was hurt and angry, but treating Mike like shit just because they yelled at each other, because Mike was mad at him? That wasn’t something he could maintain without feeling awful. He just didn’t have it in him. 

“I mean it, Will. Take the bed.” Mike turned towards him, tossing a pair of plaid pajama pants and an old t-shirt at him. “Here, in case you don’t wanna sleep in your clothes or whatever.” 

Will sighed. This must be it, this must be Mike apologizing. Will just wished he would say sorry. Gestures are nice, but hearing the words would be better–– at least for him.

“It’s your bed.” Will started to unbutton his shirt. “I’m not gonna make you sleep on the floor…”

“Yeah, it is my bed. So I’m offering it to you, Will.” Mike huffed. “If you really don’t want me to sleep on the floor, we could always share–– Like we did when we were kids.” He didn’t mean that to sound so hopeful . Christ, he was a mess. 

“I–– uh… s-sure. Yeah. Yeah, we could share.” 

Mike watched Will bow his head quickly. There was a sudden awkwardness about him, even more so than before. It was less angsty, more flustered. The way Will’s voice cracked slightly, how his cheeks turned red at Mike’s suggestion, it made butterflies swarm in Mike’s chest. It made him pay attention, closely.

 He noticed Will. When Will thought his best friend wasn’t looking, Mike saw him. The taller boy observed with apprehension and curiosity as Will undressed. This wasn’t the Will he remembered. This Will wasn’t scrawny and awkward–– he had filled out. When Will took off his shirt to replace it with the one Mike gave him, Mike noted that his arms were more muscular, biceps cut and shoulders a little broader. His chest and torso were still slim and lean, but nowhere near as skinny as he was a few years ago. Mike felt his face turning red. Fuck. Will is hot. He swallowed hard, trying desperately to push down every embarrassing thought he had as he watched his best friend change. It felt wrong, like he should be scolded for looking, yet he couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

    Eventually Mike shook himself out of his stupor, forcing himself to follow in Will’s footsteps and get ready for bed. They went through the motions mindlessly, changning and brushing their teeth without much conversation. It made things awkward–– rather the silence highlighted the awkwardness. That awkwardness remained right until the moment they got into bed. It permeated the air and filled each of them with shame and guilt and a longing to be close again–– or closer . 

“Do–– do you want me to turn out the light?” Mike’s back was to Will.

“I’m not 12 anymore. I can sleep in the dark just fine, Mike.” Will laid down, facing the wall.

Some part of Will was excited that Mike seemed concerned over his wellbeing, the other part was convinced that his best friend needed to prove he was still a good person.

 Will knew Mike was insecure, he always had been. But Mike didn’t need to feel insecure around him. He didn’t need to prove anything. When had Will ever really judged him? Being jealous of him and El didn’t count, that was Will’s own bullshit. He knew Mike was a good person, but right now Will didn’t know how to express that without saying everything else on his mind. That was dangerous. It was potentially deadly to say anything because whatever might come out of Will’s mouth, he couldn’t trust himself not to tell Mike how he really felt. Everything was too emotional and raw and it was coming to a head. 

Will laid there stiff as a board, tense and on edge. Every time he thought about saying something to Mike, one million other thoughts followed it that would potentially destroy everything. Will couldn’t tell Mike he missed him and that he was sorry without also telling him that sometimes when he looked at him, all he could think about were his lips and how much he wanted to kiss him. He couldn’t even look at Mike without wishing he could hold his hand and run his fingers through his hair. Every word Will wanted to say died in his throat because it couldn’t live without also telling Mike Wheeler that he loved him.

Laying in Mike’s bed, next to him, knowing that he’s in love with him and unable to act on it made Will distraught. He felt sick to his stomach and lightheaded. All Will wanted to do was cry. He couldn’t stop himself, the tears flowed from him like a burst dam and left tracks down his cheeks. Will had mastered the silent cry a long time ago–– at least he didn’t have to worry about Mike hearing him. He felt his lip quiver as he suppressed his sobs. It was just like last time. This was his Freddy’s Revenge. These tears were the sequel to realizing he was gay, they were the reminders that he wasn’t allowed to be happy. 

Will opened his eyes. He wasn’t in Mike’s room anymore, he wasn’t even at the Wheeler’s. He was in his childhood bedroom, in his bed. It looked exactly like it did when he was 12. Nothing had changed, nothing was different–– except for him. He was still 18, he was still himself, but his room was frozen in time. He studied it, pouring over every detail. The walls began to rot, thick vines sprouting out of the ground and through the windows. Will felt his heart beating faster, felt the coldness on the back of his neck. He tried to get up, tried to run, but the vines slithered on to the mattress and tethered him. He was trapped. He struggled against the restraints, crying and pleading to be let go, but no one answered him. 

He felt helpless, he was helpless. No amount of straining made the vines release, they just pulled tighter and tighter. He could hear eerie, pounding music off in the distance accompanied by red lightning–– the upside down . He tried to yell but no sound came out, just ragged panicked breaths. The rumbling drew closer and closer until a shrill note crescendoed, illuminating the room in red. Suddenly, Will felt the mattress move beneath him, the sound of tearing fabric filled his ears. He looked on in horror as a grotesque clawed hand tore through the mattress and wrapped itself around him, just like it had to Glen in the first Nightmare movie. Though this hand didn’t belong to Freddy Kreuger, it belonged to Vecna. 

“It’s time, Will. Time for you to join me, time for your suffering to end.”  

Henry Creel’s voice echoed as he tore through Will’s abdomen and dragged him through the gate he’d created in his bed. 

“Mike! Mike!” 

Will woke up, screaming and drenched in sweat. He was hyperventilating and sobbing, his heart pounded inside his chest. He looked around frantically in the darkness, praying that it was all a dream.

“M-mike.” His chest heaved. “ Mike….”

Suddenly the room was filled with soft, warm light. Tears blurred his vision, but he could still make out the familiar shape of his best friend.

“Will! Will, are you okay?” Mike sounded distraught. 

He grabbed Will by the shoulders, trying to steady him as he cried. 

“Will, please. Talk to me?” 

Mike pushed sweat soaked hair away from Will’s face and pulled him tight to his chest, holding him. He didn’t care if Will was drenched, he just wanted to comfort him. He wanted Will to know he was there, that everything would be okay. 

“Will, please.” He begged. “You’re okay. You’re safe.” 

Mike hoped he didn’t sound too panicked. He didn’t want to admit that any time Will was afraid, he was scared too. Right now his fear didn’t matter though, Will’s did. He needed to be here for Will, to show him he wasn’t alone.

“Mike?” Will’s eyes finally looked less wild, his breaths more even.

“Yeah, Will?”

“Are–– are you really here?” Will’s voice was hoarse, just above a whisper.

“I’m here, Will. I’m right here.”

Will clutched onto him tightly, he needed to make sure this was his Mike–– that this Mike wouldn’t disappear or become something else. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Wh–why are you sorry?” Mike scoffed. He wasn’t chastising Will, moreso he was in disbelief. “Will, there is nothing to be sorry for. Okay?”

Will didn’t say anything, he just shook and cried as Mike held him. 

    Unsure of what else to do, Mike just continued to hold him, to hug him tightly and breathe with him. It seemed to calm him a little, that and whispering reassuring words that let Will know he was still here. He was sure Will was exhausted, but Mike was now full of adrenaline. He was afraid to look away, even for a second, for fear that something might happen to his best friend. 

“You’re okay, Will. It was a nightmare, yeah? It’s not real…”

Mike felt so stupid saying that–– in the past Will’s nightmares were real. But El and Will had both emphatically insisted Vecna was gone, so this time it must be a dream. Mike didn’t know what he would do if it wasn’t.

“A nightmare.” Will repeated, breathy and monotone.

“It’s over, you’re safe. You’re safe, Will.” 

Will leaned into Mike, burying his face into his chest and sobbed. He needed to let it out. It was a combination of the fear, exhaustion, guilt, and loneliness that had all compounded. He clutched the fabric of Mike’s shirt tightly, breathing him in. The smell was comforting, safe.

“I love you Mike .” Will whispered, words muffled into Mike’s body. Will was too raw to realize what he’d just uttered.

Will was delirious with fear and exhaustion–– at least that’s what Mike told himself. Will loves you like a friend, Mike. He’s happy to have someone who can comfort him . That’s all he means, nothing more. Will’s words embedded themselves in his mind, however. They made themselves at home and took up residence where Mike didn’t want them to. They repeated over and over and over: I love you, Mike. I love you. I love you. It made his chest ache. The words stirred that awful thing inside of him that reminded him he had feelings for Will. I love you, too . He swallowed the words. Will didn’t need to be burdened by his feelings, he needed to be looked after. And Mike would, like he always did–– like he should’ve been doing this whole time. 

Mike took a deep breath, pulled Will in close, and kissed him softly on the forehead. Normally he would’ve panicked, thought that was too tender and inappropriate–– he would’ve feared it would scream exactly what he was. But Mike was far too concerned and Will was seemingly inconsolable. Mike would’ve done anything if it meant Will would be safe, if he could be happy. Mike wanted his own happiness too, and maybe he got some in that small gesture. What he didn’t know was that that one small kiss, that one tiny action, it made Will Byers feel like he was the only person in the world that mattered. It made Will feel like the entire afternoon of discomfort and pain was worth every second. Maybe things could get better after all, maybe they would. 

Chapter Text

Will went home, embarrassed and exhausted. When his mind was finally fully awake, the events of the night before all came flooding back. The tension, the nightmare, the confession . In his confusion and terror, he’d accidentally told Mike he loved him. Fuck . This was one of the worst things that could possibly happen in the context of their friendship–– that or Mike telling him he hated him and never wanted to see him again. His fears were very real possibilities and Will had just shown his hand. He laid bare his heart in a moment of delirious vulnerability and he hated himself for it. All he could do was hope that Mike didn’t hear him, or if he did hear him, Will prayed that he’d take it as platonic. If the topic ever came up, he’d make sure to make an addendum: I love you like a brother. An easy enough lie.

In the morning, before he left the Wheeler’s with El, every moment was a series of awkward interactions and remorseful glances. Mike still hadn’t apologized, he still hadn’t tried to smooth things over with words. Will wasn’t totally blameless. He’d thrown the venom right back. That didn’t make the desire to pacify things suddenly disappear. The tension lingered and Will desperately wanted it to go away. It stayed through breakfast, when Will offered to cook–– only because he felt guilty and he knew Mike burned everything he touched. But Mike insisted he’d take care of it. The discomfort and longing persisted when the three of them sat at the table, picking at barely edible eggs and eggos–– which thankfully Karen still kept a supply of. 

All morning Will had wanted to say something to Mike, to ask where they stood, but he never plucked up the courage to. Instead, he just watched him with cautious eyes, wishing he could be honest. Things got even more uncomfortable when they finally went outside to assess the damage done by the storm. The Byers’ car was blanketed in heavy wet snow, trapped beneath and packed against the curb by plow-made walls of slush. He and Mike spent the better part of the morning digging out the car. Neither of them were particularly athletic, so it took a while, but it gave Will plenty of opportunities to steal longing glances at his best friend.

Despite the freezing temperatures, sweat glistened on Mike’s brow. His cheeks were red from the cold and it took Will’s breath away. Mike looked beautiful, breathless and flushed. Will wondered if he could ever make his best friend look like that–– if he could kiss him, or touch him, or more and make Mike a breathless mess. He knew it was wrong to think about his best friend that way, rather it should be wrong, but Will almost didn’t care. Part of him was happy just to be near Mike, to look at him. He forced the thoughts out of his mind however and continued to dig out the car until he was sure it could make the trip home. 

Will didn’t want to think about their goodbye. He didn’t want to think about the way Mike had hugged him, the way it seemed like he leaned into the embrace more than he typically would. He didn’t want to think about the way his sister tried to hide her smile as she watched Will squeeze him back. He tried not to dwell on the heat between them and the way it made his chest flutter, the way he didn’t want to let go. The night before, when Will was petrified and vulnerable, he wanted the contact with Mike to last and last and last. This morning was no different. Part of him was afraid still, though now it was for a completely different reason. He was worried Mike could see right through him. It was much more real than any nightmare, and it haunted him just as much.

When he got home he immediately retreated to his room. He didn’t say a word as he walked through the door, despite the fact that Nancy and Jonathan were curled up on the couch. He didn’t ignore them persay, he just didn’t say anything. He was pretty sure that his face did nothing to hide the fact that he wasn’t okay, but there was really nothing he could do about it at the moment. He wanted to be alone. He needed to process everything that happened within the last 24 hours. He needed to talk to someone and he knew exactly who to call.

Will wanted privacy for this. Even though most of his family knew his secret by now, he didn’t want them listening in. They’d finally gotten more than one phone, meaning Will could talk in the sanctuary of his room, but still. He didn’t want someone to accidentally go to make a call and hear everything. He breathed in deep as he pulled the phone closer to his bed and tugged the cord as far as it could go. Laying on his stomach, feeling his heart beat all through his torso, Will dialed New York. He’d contribute to the phone bill later. He felt bad, but he desperately needed to talk to Danny.

The line rang for a few moments before he heard hurried rustling on the other end, someone rushing to answer. Before a “hello” could greet him, Will blurted:

“So… I came out.” He was sure his voice sounded shaky. 

There was a pause. 

“Well hello to you too!” Danny laughed. “Is it okay if I put you on speaker? Gina’s here and I think she’ll wanna know what happened.”

“Sure.” Will propped himself up with his elbows.

“Gina! It’s Will–– you’ll never guess why he’s calling us!” Danny’s sounded quieter, but he was definitely yelling, he’d just moved away to get her attention.

“Lemme guess,” Gina’s voice was crystal clear. “You popped your cherry?” 

“What? No!” Will’s face turned bright red. He was already feeling mortified, he didn’t need a repeat of his conversation with Max. 

“No, Gigi. Our little William’s let the cat out of the bag.”

“Oh!” She laughed. “Congrat-u-fucking-lations!” 

“Did it go okay?” Danny sounded worried.

“Yeah, actually.” Will breathed a sigh of relief, though still on edge. “I wasn’t expecting–– well I didn’t expect much–– or really anything good . But, I told my mom and my sister.” He left out the fact that he told Jonathan, seeing that he’d lied about him knowing before all of this. 

“And?”

“The world didn’t end.” Will half-laughed. “My mom told me she’d love me even if I committed a felony, so that’s good. There was a lot of crying–– from both of us. And I– I talked to her about my dad… not to my dad, I don’t want anything to do with Lonnie. He’s a piece of shit. We just talked about what it was like for me as a kid.”

“That–– that must’ve been hard.” Danny’s tone was incredibly sympathetic.

“Yeah. Lonnie’s a bigot. It was shitty growing up with a dad who called you slurs, you know?” Will wasn’t about to tell them about the abusive volatile environment or anything, that was too much. But it felt good to let some of it out. “My mom already knew… he called me a fag in front of her more than a couple times. I know she feels like it was her fault. I don’t blame her, though. Lonnie was… well, he’s not a good person . But she apologized, which she didn’t have to, but I appreciated it. Mostly it was just nice to know that she loves me I guess.”

“Proud of you, Will.” He could hear Gina’s smile. “And Jane?”

Right . He’d told them the name on El’s birth certificate. He almost never called her that. It was weird to hear.

“It’s funny… remember how I told you she’s adopted when she was 12?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, turns out she didn’t even know people could be gay. Like she’d never even heard of it.”

“Seriously?!”

Will laughed. “Yeah, I know. Sounds ridiculous. But she was really sheltered before my step dad adopted her. It took her forever to enroll in school because she was so behind… Anyway, she was confused at first. She got really emotional because she couldn’t understand why people would hate me for being gay. It was sweet.” Will felt himself smile. “Obviously I cried … doing that a lot these days. All of this has been super overwhelming you guys.”

“I bet!” Gina validated him.

“But everything was fine. I was so worried my life was gonna implode, but nothing’s changed really…”

“Will,” Danny pressed. “You don’t sound too positive about that. What’s going on?”

Will sighed. 

“It’s Mike.”

“Of course it is.”

“Did you tell him?!” Gina sounded shocked.

“No, I didn't tell him! He’s… he’s just been acting weird. It’s messing with me. We hung out yesterday and at first he seemed excited to see me and then for some reason once we were with the rest of our friends, he acted like I didn’t exist. It’s like he can’t decide if he wants me around or not. It’s fucking awful.” Will groaned.

“That sounds shitty.” Will could almost hear the frown in Danny’s voice.

“It was, it is. It’s making everything worse. I thought seeing him would make me happy, but instead I just feel like shit” He sighed. “We got into a fight. It was so fucking stupid. Things were… weird between us before, but after yesterday, I don’t know— it just felt different. ”

“What do you mean, different?” Danny questioned.

“Well, he couldn’t even look at me for starters. It was painful and awkward and it made things weird with everyone else. Mike couldn’t get his shit together. He almost seemed like a different person, like whatever confidence he used to have just vanished.”

“Will…” Gina sighed.

“Oh, it gets worse.”

“Please tell me you’re kidding?” 

“I would love it if I was… but I ended up spending the night.”

“Will!” She and Danny gasped in unison.

“It wasn’t like I wanted to! We got snowed in… and I did something so fucking dumb.”

“William, I am concerned and don’t like where this is going.” Danny scolded.

“I might have accidentally told him I love him….”

“What the fuck, Byers?” 

“I had a really intense, fucked up nightmare, okay? And Mike–– he’s used to that. He knows how I get when they happen. He’s seen what it’s like for years and when we were kids, he used to try to make sure I was okay. In whatever way he knew how, he’d make sure I knew I was safe… but having a vivid nightmare at 18 in the boy you're hopelessly in love with’s bed––”

“You were in bed with him?!” Gina cut him off. 

“He wouldn’t let me sleep on the floor…” Will said sheepishly. 

“Sweetie. I love you so, so much. But you have to know–– you are one of the saddest, most hopeless people I know and that’s saying something.”

“ Thanks , Gina. That makes me feel so much better.” Will rolled his eyes.

“Let me guess… You had a nightmare–– your knight in shining armor, Michael , comes to your rescue, and you turn into a complete moron who can’t keep his mouth shut. Did I get that right?” Danny laughed.

Will groaned. “Yes… but it’s what happened after that that’s messing with me.”

“After? Oh god, Will… What did you do, you beautiful idiot?”

“ I didn’t do anything. Mike did. He kissed me. Not like that … he kissed me on the forehead, but still. I– I don’t know what to do or what to think or feel. I just feel confused? I keep trying not to think about it, but it’s all I can think about. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to act like it never happened and just move on with my life?”  He knew he sounded almost distraught, but he couldn’t help it, this whole thing with Mike was just complicating everything even more. 

“I– I have no idea what to say to that.”

“Do you think it meant something, Will?” Gina interjected. “Or do you think it was just, like, a heat of the moment thing?”

“Honestly? I have no clue. The whole day yesterday was just weird. Between that and the fight… I know I should try to move on and forget about everything, but I just can’t. I think things are smoothed over for now at least? Max and E–– Jane tried to fix things a little before the whole “ I love you” thing happened.”

“Max… is she the one in California?” Danny asked.

“Yeah, she’s great. It was good to see her.”

“William,” Gina interjected. “What aren’t you telling us?” 

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on! I think we know your tells by now. What happened with Max?” 

Will noted the expectant tone in Danny’s voice, he could picture the smirk and raised eyebrows he was now all too familiar with.

“I told Max.” He sighed. “About us. ” 

“You and me?” His friend laughed.

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“She asked if you were hot. Obviously I said yes, because you are –– I showed her the photo booth pictures. She agreed, you are in fact hot–– so you’re now Max Mayfield certified.” Will felt his face flush as he laughed, fidgeting with the phone cord.

“Oh, so it went well I take it?”

“I wasn’t even planning on telling her, but I was so pissed off and upset about Mike… she tried to make sure I was okay and I was kinda tipsy and I just told her.”

“You get really chatty when you drink.” Gina teased. “It’s cute.”

“It’s not cute when you accidently out yourself.” 

“Okay, true. But! She seemed to take it well.”

“Yeah, she did. But I was lucky. If it had been anyone else… well I don’t know if I’d be talking to you right now.” 

“I know it’s scary, Will. But it wasn’t anyone else. Max accepted it. It seems like she’s cool with everything.” Danny tried to reassure him.

“More than cool with it… she asked if–– if we had sex.” Will could die of embarrassment right then and there. “Like she wanted to know all the details of my love life and it was fucking weird. I–– I’ve never talked with anyone back home like that before.” 

“Oh my god!” Gina squealed. “That’s good! That’s good, Will! It means she doesn’t give a fuck about who you sleep with.”

“Yes she does.”

“What do you mean she does ?”

“You don’t know Max,” Will sighed. “She can be… intense, protective, spiteful? ” He shuddered. “I might have told her I’m in love with Mike and she told me I’m insane. Max is the self proclaimed president of the Mike Wheeler hate club. Like it’s a joke, but it’s not totally a joke.”

“Oh..” Gina paused. “Well, she doesn’t care about you and Danny-boy.”

“Maybe there’s some rationale in what she’s saying, Will.” Danny interjected, ignoring Gina. “Not telling you what to do or how to feel, but you have to admit it’s a little crazy that you’re still pining over a guy who a) is straight, and b) is acting like a dick to you. You don’t deserve that.”

“Part of me… part of me doesn’t care though? I don’t know if that makes any sense. I care that it hurts, that things are different now. But I don’t think I care that loving him is painful?”

“Wow, that was… poetic.” Gina giggled. “You’ve got it bad, huh, Will?”

He cradled his head in his hand. “No matter what I do, I can’t seem to stop loving Mike. I know it’s never gonna happen, but loving Mike… it’s like I’m supposed to feel that way. Like it’s the most obvious, natural thing in the world.”

Will swore he heard one of them chuckle. Rationally, he knew it was ridiculous, but his heart hadn’t figured that out yet.

“Willie, I love you so dearly. But damn… that was so sappy it makes me sick.” Gina groaned, Will could tell she was rolling her eyes.

“Yeah it is sappy, I know. Trust me I have had a lot of cliché things to say about Mike.”

“As long as you know…” Danny teased.

“You two are actually the worst, you know that?”

“You’re so mean, Will. I thought you loved me!” He joked.

“Shut up,” Will laughed. “You’re the worst and you know it!”

“Only because it riles you up.” Danny’s tone was so tender and soft. 

“Oh, do you miss me?” Will prodded.

“Entirely. Do you miss me? ”

Will blushed. Sure they weren’t dating, and he was still 100% wholeheartedly in love with Mike, but he did have a soft spot for Danny.

“Yes… I miss you. Of course I miss you.” Will huffed. Part of him didn’t want the conversation to end, but he was exhausted and emotional still. “I’m–– I’m pretty tired.”

“You wanna call it for now?” 

“Yeah, if that’s okay?” 

“Totally, okay. Maybe take a nap? If you do, sleep well, Will. Try not to dream about me, it’s nothing compared to the real thing.”

Will felt his face getting hot, his cheeks turning red again. He was so glad no one could see him. Being head over heels with one boy was enough, he didn’t need Danny on his mind like that , too.

“Stop fucking flirting and let Will go!” Gina yelled at Danny. 

“Fine. Bye, Will.”

“Bye, Danny. Bye, Gina. Thank you… for listening to my bullshit. This was nice.” He smiled.

“Be well, Will. We love you.”

Will hummed in response, too tired to speak as he hung up the phone. 

Now Will wasn’t sure what to do with himself, but he knew he wasn’t quite ready to leave the sanctuary of his room. He decided to lay there and think. Not the most brilliant idea he’d had, but he wanted to try to understand just what the fuck was going on with Mike. He thought about writing down his feelings, maybe even writing Mike a letter. He would likely never give it to him, but maybe letting some of this pent up resentment out would be a good thing. He needed time with his thoughts, if only to make sense of them–– because right now, every thought he had in relation to Mike Wheeler felt like getting hit by a truck.

He looked over at his sketchbook lying open on his desk. He thought about how sometimes, words didn’t come easily to him, how at times a picture could say more. Sometimes drawing was more raw, more real. If art was his preferred means of communication, it might just be easier to draw how he felt–– like he had his freshman year of high school, when he told Mike he was the heart. Mike was the heart, Will’s heart. He had occupied that position for years and had no clue just how special he was. The sweet earnest painting from all those years ago and the open sketchbook, they reminded him of the half finished gift he’d been working on before he’d left New York.

His breath hitched as he thought about the intricate project he’d undertaken. Will’s whole heart and soul seemed to be in the partially complete pages safely wrapped in his backpack. He’d intended on making something for all of his friends, just as he always did, only this year the quality would be highly skewed . Caught in his feelings, ruminating on one idiot boy who seemed to forget he existed, Will’s sole focus had been on Mike. The idea struck him the moment Gordon taught him how to make zines and bind books. This gift, this intense labor of love, would be the most intricate thing he’d ever worked on and it was all for Mike. With only a few days until Christmas, it was imperative he finished it–– if not to try to salvage his their relationship, then for his own piece of mind. 

Will made his way over to his desk and pulled out the beat up folder he’d been toting around for weeks. Housed within were 18 pages of trimmed bristol paper covered in line art that told a story. It was the only thing he could think to give his best friend that was meaningful enough, the story of their last campaign before they all went off to college. Mike had played this time, all of them had. Former Hellfire Dungeon Master, Eddie Munson, had kindly agreed to craft the most epic, intense campaign they’d ever played. Granted, Will couldn’t illustrate the whole thing, that would be way too much work. But the last battle and the ending? That he could manage.  

All that was left was coloring and binding all the pages. For some reason, Will had found it difficult to complete. Something inside him was afraid to finish. Will was afraid that this time, once he gave the comic to Mike, his best friend would grasp something he hadn’t with the painting. He was afraid Mike would realize that he was in love with him. Despite those fears, Will felt like making this profound statement of love was something he needed to do. So he sat at his desk, fished out his stock of felt tip markers, and began to furiously color and shade the panels. He had no idea how long he’d been working, it felt as though time wasn’t moving at all. He’d been at his desk for 5 hours and was only part way done, but it didn’t matter. He was fixated on making everything perfect. Mike deserved nothing less. 

A soft knock on his door pulled him out of his trance. He carefully steadied his hand, trying not to ruin all of the effort he’d just expended with an accidental jolt. He turned his head towards the door and sighed. Being interrupted in the midst of a creative flow is something no artist ever welcomes. Will was no different, but he didn’t want to be rude, it wasn’t in his nature.

“Yeah?” He tried to sound inviting.

“Will, it’s me.” His brother’s tone was gentle. “Can I come in? It’s okay if you wanna be alone. I just wanted to check in with you.”

“Sure.” Will didn’t want to make his brother feel unwelcome. “Door’s unlocked.”

The door squeaked slightly as Jonathan stepped inside. He offered Will a small wave and a kind smile as he sat on the bed. 

“You’ve been holed up in here for hours, Will. When you came home… you looked–– well you looked kind of upset. I didn’t want to bother you, but I wanted to–– Is everything okay?” Jonathan’s brows knit together.

Will subconsciously folded his arms across his chest, rubbing his biceps. It was all Jonathan needed to see he was nervous, or maybe even depressed.

“Yeah.” Will swallowed hard, eyes trained on the floor. “I’m okay.”

“Will…” Jonathan reached out towards his brother, resting his hand on his knee. “Come on, bud. What did we talk about?”

“I don’t have to pretend to be okay. I know.”

“Then why are you shutting me out? You know you can talk to me. Whatever it is, I’m not gonna judge you, you know that.” He offered a soft smile.

“I know.” Will sighed, dejected and distant. “I just–– Do you remember how on the way home I said I was nervous about the party moving on? “

“Yeah.” Jonathan nodded and leaned in closer, trying to show Will he was present. “Was it that bad when you saw everyone? Did anyone say anything–– do anything?”

“Yes and no…” Will buried his face in his hands. “The party, they were great. It was great! Until it wasn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone was great, except Mike.”

Jonathan scrubbed his hand over his mouth and sighed. 

“I’m really sorry, Will. Do you wanna talk about it? Tell me what happened? Maybe it’ll help.”

“I don’t know, Jon. I just–– I can’t help but feel like every interaction I have with him is just… upsetting? Disappointing? I don’t know the right words. It’s like he’s not even around anymore and I just––”

“Miss him?”

“Yeah. I miss him. To the point where it feels like there’s this giant hole in my chest. He’s my best friend, Jonathan, and it’s like he doesn’t even care about me anymore. He’s distant and moody and he got mad about something so stupid and he’s one to talk because he conveniently forgot to tell me that he broke up with El…”

“He broke up with El?!” Jonathan’s eyes widened. “Sorry, not the point. But jeez. Why’s he mad at you?”

“Because I finally grew up I guess.” Will rolled his eyes. “Because I didn’t tell him I had my first kiss. It’s bullshit.”

“You had your first kiss?” His brother’s eyes lit up, proud and joyful. 

“Yeah… I–– I didn’t tell you because I was afraid of you finding out I was gay.”

“Do I know him?” 

“No–– well yeah, you know of him. But you guys haven’t met yet. My friend Danny.”

“Oh.” Jonathan smiled wide. “He sounds really nice, by the way–– from what you’ve said. I can’t wait to meet him. I’m proud of you, Will.” He pulled his brother into a tight hug.

“Jonathan,” Will groaned. “You’re crushing me.”

“Ha, sorry. I just–– I’m just happy for you, really. And honestly? I think it sounds like Mike’s jealous.”

“Jealous?” Will’s face contorted into something disbelieving and confused. 

“Yeah. Why else would he act like that?”

“I don’t know…”

“Didn’t you used to be jealous of him? Like when all your friends started dating? I bet now that he’s single he’s probably feeling insecure, you know? Probably feels like shit.”

Will looked at his brother briefly, before averting his eyes back to his desk, back to Mike’s Christmas present.

“I wasn’t jealous of Mike…” Will’s cheeks started to go pink.

“What do you mean?”

“I was jealous of El. I wanted to be El, Jonathan.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“Yeah, shit.” Will huffed a halfhearted laugh.

Jonathan moved to crouch next to his brother, placing his hand on his shoulder and looking him earnestly in the eye.

“You still wish it was you, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately.” Will fiddled with a marker. “I wish I didn’t, but no matter how hard I try I just can’t seem to get over him. I know it’s dumb––”

“Hey! It’s not dumb, okay? It’s hard to just “get over” someone… it takes time and usually for someone else to come along and make you forget. Besides, I think it makes perfect sense that you like Mike.”

“You do?” Will raised an eyebrow. “Because I feel like I’m totally crazy.”

“100% sense, Will. Mike has always been there for you. He’s never treated you differently, even when everyone else did–– even when I did. He’s special, okay? And he might be acting like a jerk right now, but maybe he’s going through some really deep shit, yeah?” Jonathan sighed, running his fingers through his hair anxiously. “Look, I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you this but…”

“Jonathan?”

“Nancy’s told me some stuff, stuff you don’t know.”

Will suddenly felt incredibly worried, like he needed to know immediately what was wrong because he could sense it–– something was wrong. Whatever it was, it had to do with his best friend, he was sure of it.

“What?”

“Mike, Nancy said he’s been having a really rough time at Emerson. He’s been… depressed I guess? Nance told me that Mike doesn’t say anything, but she’s heard him cry a couple times. He seems lost, lonely? He talked about transferring schools, Will.”

“Really? I–– I had no idea.”

“I feel bad for him. I know he’s been a dick, but I think maybe that’s why. He just doesn’t seem happy and for the first time in a long time, Will you do. Maybe… maybe he feels left behind, like you used to?”

“I don’t–– I didn’t know.” Will looked back at the panel he was working on. “Now I feel like a douche. I should’ve called him or something–– more than I did. I could’ve been a better friend. I was so caught up in my own bullshit I couldn’t see that he was hurting. I should’ve done something, I––”

“Woah, Will. I didn’t tell you that so you could beat yourself up. You didn’t know.” Jonathan smiled at him. “And you are a good friend. I know you are. You care so much about other people, especially Mike. I think he needs you right now, even if he’s acting like he doesn’t.”

“You think so?”

“Pretty sure. I am older than you, so that pretty much guarantees that I know more.” He laughed.

“Thanks, Jonathan. I–– I needed this.” He hugged his brother. “I love you.”

“Love you too, bud, more than anything.”

As Jonathan pulled away, Will noticed his eyes travel towards the comic, widening as they studied the art work.

“Is that for Mike?” 

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, it’s for Mike.” Will blushed.

“It looks really great, Will. I mean it. This is really beautiful.”

“Thanks, I just… I wanted to do something special, I guess. I don’t know. I feel like it’s the only way I can tell him how I feel–– I mean that I care about him. I can’t tell him I’m in love with him or anything. I think I’d die if I did that.” Will clenched his jaw. 

“Whatever the intention is behind it, I think Mike will love it–– even if he doesn’t know how you really feel. Maybe that doesn’t matter. I think what matters is that you guys have been best friends since you were 5 years old, that you love him. It doen’t matter how you love him, Will, just that you do. I think Mike needs to know that, in whatever way you feel comfortable telling him… because right now, based on what Nance said, it seems like Mike forgot that you do.” 

    Once again Will and Jonathan embraced, a sense of understanding and support shared between them. Everything Jonathan said was what he needed to hear, a series of revelations that left him feeling both guilty and encouraged–– if that was at all possible. Mike needed him. Even if Mike didn’t know it or know how to express it, now Will was certain. He could be there for Mike, he would be there for him, just like he always was. Maybe their relationship couldn’t be what Will wanted, but he could try to show his best friend that he never stopped caring. That’s what mattered. Mike was struggling and Will knew all too well what that was like. Danny said that Will saw his best friend as a knight in shining armor, and yes he did, but maybe for once Will could occupy that role.

    After Jonathan gave him a few more reassurances and they wished each other goodnight, Will sat and reflected. He thought about what his brother said, about Danny and Gina, and all of his feelings. Putting his discomfort aside, Will picked up the phone and dialed the number he’d known by heart for 13 years and he waited. He prayed the line wasn’t busy, this felt utterly urgent. Will was terrified that yesterday’s interactions might tip the scales with Mike and he’d do anything to prevent that, anything to save his drowning friend. Mike needed him, but maybe, selfishly, Will needed him more.

    The line hummed and hummed for what seemed like an eternity. Just as Will was about to give up, he heard it–– the sound of someone answering.

“Hello?” It was Mike. Thank god it was Mike.

Will swallowed hard, releasing a deep breath before going for it.

“Mike, can we talk? It doesn’t have to be tonight, but I–– I think we should talk… if you want.” He quickly added trying not to pressure him.

A pause, deep and contemplative.

“I–– uh, yeah. Sure, Will. Yeah, we can talk. Let me know when and where.” 

Finally Will could hear it, the sadness. How could he have missed it? It was there all along. Mike was in pain and he’d missed the signs. Yes, they needed to talk, and whatever Mike had to say, of course Will would listen. Will always listened.

Chapter Text

They’d agreed to meet the day after Christmas. Will could wait that long, right? It was only a couple days. The phonecall with Mike had been a little stilted and awkward, multiple pauses and stutters punctuating what should otherwise have been a fairly simple conversation. But Will needed to have it, he needed to reach out. At this point trying to understand where he stood with Mike, trying to get his best friend back –– it was almost a compulsion. Waiting was torture, mostly the anticipation and the anxiety surrounding all of the mights and maybes , but Will could wait.  Will would always wait.

He spent the rest of the night rendering, trying to fill the pages of the comic with vibrant color. Will found it hard to sleep, his focus honed in on making something so meaningful for Mike. It was the only way he knew how to tell him he mattered and he hoped that Mike would get the message. He hoped that like Jonathan said, no matter what kind of love was poured into this –– romantic or platonic–– Mike would know Will hadn’t given up on him. By the time Will had finished the last stroke, it was almost 3 am. He would be exhausted in the morning, but this was worth it. Mike was always worth it. 

Sleep must’ve caught him quickly after that. Will couldn’t remember crawling into bed, but he woke up rested, mostly. Last night Will dreamt. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately, highly vivid dreams that bordered on anything from disturbing to mortifying to sadness that it ended. The dream he had last night was no different. It felt so real , like he was actually living it. Thankfully, this time, it wasn’t a nightmare and it wasn’t completely embarrassing (okay, maybe it was a little embarrassing). Last night’s dream was more something he wished for. 

He was back in Mike Wheeler’s bed, being held so tenderly. Mike comforted him, just as he had after Will awoke in a panic, except this time Will didn’t shy away from everything he wanted to say, everything he wanted to do. When dream Mike pressed a kiss to Will’s forehead, Will didn’t freeze, he didn’t try to rationalize the action. Instead, dream Will gripped the soft fabric of Mike’s t-shirt and tugged him closer. Dream Will ran his fingers through Mike’s long curly hair and he kissed him. And Mike? Mike kissed him back. That’s where it ended, sweet and affectionate–– nothing like the racy dream he had a few nights ago. At least he didn’t feel ashamed this time. 

Will rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Part of him wondered why his brain had to keep making everything weird. As much as he enjoyed thinking about Mike and all the things that might happen in another lifetime, as much as it satisfied curiosities and wants, it hurt too. If Mike ever found out that Will thought about him, whether it was a soft romantic daydream or the occasional lewd fantasy (which obviously left him feeling pretty gross), Will was pretty sure his best friend would think he was a terrible person. Even if Will ever did come out to Mike, that would be something he would forever keep under lock and key–– perhaps even in a fortified vault. 

He groaned, scrubbing his hands over his eyes as he mentally preparred himself for the day ahead. He’d slept in, obviously. By the time Will got up it was a little after noon and he felt pretty lazy. At least he didn’t have any responsibilities looming over his head until Christmas Eve, that would’ve been a nightmare. Still, he didn’t want to mope around all day pining after and worrying about Mike. Thankfully he didn’t have to as he was pulled out of his ruminating by the shrill ringing of the phone.

Will sighed, half annoyed, half hopeful. Maybe it wasn’t for him, but maybe it was. He made his way over to his desk after it rang a few times and no one seemed to answer. He took a deep breath before hastily picking up, allowing for no time to regret his actions. 

“Hello?”

“Will?” A familiar, friendly voice greeted him. “It’s Lucas.”

“Hey.” He tried to sound cheery. “Is everything okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” His friend chuckled.

“I–– I don’t know. Chronic worrier I guess?” 

“Classic Byers.” Will could hear Lucas’s smile. “Hey, I was wondering…”

“Yeah?” 

Will’s heart started beating faster, a sudden wave of anxiety. What the fuck, Will? Stop freaking out. Everything’s fine.

“About the other day. I–– I wanted to apologize.”

“Huh? Why?” Will blurted.

“Me and Dustin. We–– we weren’t exactly the greatest friends when that shit went down. I didn’t mean to make you feel like we didn’t care or anything. I just… I guess I didn’t know how to handle whatever the fuck was up with Mike.” Lucas sighed. 

“I mean… yeah, it kinda hurt my feelings. But I’m over it.”

Will only half meant it. He knew Dustin and Lucas–– and Mike–– weren’t the most in touch with their emotions or the most confident when it came to mediating conflict.

“Let me make it up to you, man.” Lucas pleaded.

“You don’t have to do that, Lucas.” Will hated when people made a big deal out of small problems. His issue was with Mike, not the rest of the party.

“Don’t be like that, Will. Dustin and I wanna hang with you. Video games, maybe some Star Wars or something? Just some time to catch up. I missed you Byers, Dustin too. And not everything has to revolve around Mike, dude. He’s being a jerk and I think we should just let him cool off, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun.”

Will contemplated the offer for a moment. He missed his friends too. Their reunion was fine, if he disregarded everything that happened after lunch, but maybe this would help make up for it. Maybe he needed to step outside his self pitying bullshit and take the lifeline.

“Sure.” He smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Cool. Wanna meet at Dustin’s around 3?”

“Sounds good.”

“Nice. See you then, Byers.”

“Lucas?”

“Yeah, Will?” He took on a concerned tone.

“Thanks. You know… for trying to “make it up to me.” You didn’t have to.”

“Don’t sweat it, man. You deserve it.”

Will smiled to himself. Finally, he was feeling validated. It took his friends a few years to come around, but they’d found him again. Even after he moved back to Hawkins it had taken a while, well with everything going on. But they’d found him, and that’s what mattered. 

    Will’s early afternoon was spent mindlessly watching tv to waste time. The hours passed by rather quickly, much to his relief and soon Will found himself driving to the Henderson’s. The whole drive was like background noise, things moving in and out of periphery without much attention paid to them. Will didn’t love whe he zoned out while driving, but he thought that right now it was better not to think. It was better just to lose himself in the repetition of dividing lines and naked trees. At least the drive was short. When he finally arrived everything was how he remembered it; brown paneling, beige brick, and large windows. It had been a while since he’d been at Dustin’s–– hell it had been a while since Will hung out with him and Lucas sans Mike. He was going to let himself enjoy this, no matter what happened. Will Byers deserved a little happiness, even if it was just for an afternoon.  

He made his way to the front door, the gifts he’d made for Dustin and Lucas tucked under his arm, and rang the doorbell. He’d only brought the presents because he wasn’t sure when the party would be exchanging gifts or if they still did that sort of thing, but he wasn’t about to give up on their tradtion. Will was loyal to his friends and the time honored exchanging of shitty homemade gifts or junk you could buy with whatever you could scrounge up from diving between couch cushions. He waited with baited breath, air still cold and stinging his cheeks. Fortunately he wasn’t left waiting too long, he was soon greeted by a wide grin wearing Dustin.

“Will!.” 

Dustin’s face lit up upon seeing him, bright eyes and a wide genuine grin. The shorter boy held his arms out offering his friend a warm hug. Will would be lying if he said it didn’t melt his heart a little. 

“Hey.” Will reciprocated Dustin’s gesture and let his friend envelop him tightly. It was nice, familiar and safe.

“Lucas is setting up Castlevania –– you can play first if you want!” He offered.

“Cool,” Will smiled. “But you guys can go first if you want… I don’t mind”

“Dude! Come on, I’m offering. Controller’s all your’s.” 

Will stepped insided, warm orange and green interior greeting him as he made his way to the couch. He shucked off his jacket, politely folding it over the back of an empty chair and proceeded to collapse on the sofa. He watched as Lucas plugged everything in and switched the auxiliary settings, and tried to get comfortable both physically and emotionally. He was glad they wanted him here, yet Will was always self conscious of taking up too much space, of over staying a welcome.

“Glad you came, man.” Lucas threw over his shoulder. “You’ve got first dibs when I’m done setting up.” 

“Whatever you guys wanna do.” Will pulled his mouth into an awkward closed lip smile. “I don’t mind.” 

“Hey, we promised we’d make it up to you, Will. If you wanna play first, you’re playing first. If you wanna do something else, we’ll do something else. No big deal.” The screen switched over to the game menu and Lucas handed him the controler.

“You ever played video games while drunk?” Dustin’s head appeared beneath the space between the kitchen counter and cabinets.

“What? No.” Will laughed. “I’m pretty sure you’d majorly fail every level.”

“Yeah, but that’s what makes it fun.” He rejoined them in the den, arms full of chips, pretzels, and a six pack. 

“Really?” Will wrinkled his nose.

“I promise.” Dustin put his hand over his heart. “I’ve done it a couple times with my roommates. Yeah, you lose. You fail miserably, but its funny to watch someone mess up so bad.”

“So it’s not so much fun as a player… but watching someone else play?” Lucas raised an eyebrow.

“Hilarious.” Dustin grinned. “And sometimes we switch it up–– taking a shot everytime you die… but that might be a little much right now. So how about it?”

“I’m down. What about you, Byers?” 

Will fidgeted as his friends turned their attention towards him. He felt slightly awkward and a little out of place, but he was happy to be included. 

“I– I’ll just watch you guys for now.” He tried to adopt a light expression.

“You sure? We can do something else?”

Dustin’s eyes were entirely apologetic, it was almost comical how hard he was trying to prove he felt bad. Neither of them needed to prove anything to Will. He wasn’t upset, but he wasn’t about to complain about being paid attention to. For a long time he’d felt too forgotten.

“Positive.”

For the next two hours Will watched as his childhood friends poked fun at each other, quipping and badgering about poorly executed combos and game plays. It was nice, just to observe them. They didn’t exclude him either, despite him deciding not to play at first. Lucas and Dustin asked his opinions, looked to him for commentary, and passed snacks and drinks amongst each other. It was like old times, like no time had passed at all. Eventually the other two had had their fill of 8 bit slaughter and put their game on hold, handing the controller over to Will and cheered him on despite how poorly he played. He died more than he beat levels, but he didn’t care. Having someone be excited about what you’re doing, even if it’s something as silly as failing every level in Castlevania , was worth the occasional embarrassment.

When they’d exhausted the energy to keep going, the boys collectively took a breather. As if part of some hive mind, they all slouched further into the couch and sighed in unison. Immediate raucous laughter burst forth as they realized just how mindlessly in sync they were. Will was smiling so much his cheeks started to hurt and his ribs ached from laughing, but it was welcome. He missed them, he missed this. Dustin and Lucas, they were like brothers to him. They’d been through so much together and had a bond, that like Jonathan said, nothing could likely change. It made Will’s chest fill with warmth, the fondness he had for both of them was profound and deep. Most of the relationships he’d forged were like this, felt intensely and held incredibly close. He wanted to believe that nothing would ever change that, but he couldn’t be sure. He just couldn’t.

As Will sat on the couch, genuine smile on his face, he felt deeply appreciated. He was grateful that Dustin and Lucas had matured, that they noticed him, noticed he was going through something . Even if Will didn’t tell them what that something was, they knew he needed to be supported, to know that he’s loved. Granted, they probably would never come and say it outright like Jonathan, but Will knew that his friends cared about him. A sinister part of him argued, though. That nagging, cruel, doubtful part of Will Byers screamed that his oldest and truest friends only hung out with him because they pittied him, because they had no one else and Will was just some convenient loser who made them feel less alone. He didn’t want to think about his fears, he wanted to stay in the light, in the levity of this moment. Right here and right now. Not past, not future, not his own subconscious present. Now.

The laughter died down and all three boys attempted to compose themselves, wiping tears from their eyes and catching their breath. Will looked around the room, taking in all the tchotchkes and decorations Dustin’s mom had so meticulously put out for Christmas. Silver and gold tinsel trailed along the side of the counter and mantle, multicolored lights flashed in timed increments up and down their Christmas tree, and gaudy stockings hung above the fireplace: Dustin, Mom, Tews . The display brought Will’s thoughts back to the gifts he’d brought. A pang of guilt mingled with a hitched breath as he thought about the clear favoritism present in the gifts this year, but he couldn’t help it. It’s not like he was madly in love with any of his other friends. That honor belonged to Mike. 

Will stretched, trying to regain feeling in his lower extremities after hours of awkward sitting. He pushed himself up off the couch and walked over to where he’d left his coat. 

“Hey, where are you going, man?” Lucas called after him. “Don’t tell me you’re leaving already!”

Will let out a quiet laugh and rolled his eyes affectionately. They always assumed Will would flake or have an excuse to leave. History told them as much. Whether it was his mom worrying about him or all the supernatural bullshit that used to plague him, Will Byers had a track record of vanishing. He understood the worry, but this time they had no reason to fear Will disappearing on them, he just wanted to show them some appreciation. He reached under his jacket and pulled out the folders he’d stored their presents in and proceeded to gently wave it.

“Not leaving, guys.” He made his way back over to the sofa, though he found himself dropping down onto the floor instead. “I wanted to give you these.” 

Will held them out and waited patiently.

“Merry Christmas, I guess.” He grinned. “I wasn’t sure if we were still doing this, but I’d been working on these anyway and wanted to give them to you.”

His friends carefully took their respective folders.

“Of course we’re still doing gifts, dude! Just because we’re not kids anymore doesn’t mean we don’t get to give each other stuff.” Lucas looked at him like he had three heads. “I’m just sorry I didn’t think to bring your’s with me. I feel like an idiot.”

“Don’t! It’s okay! We never really talked about it or anything.” Will was quick to placate. He never wanted anyone to feel bad about neglecting him, its not like it was purposeful, usually.

“Nah, man I still feel bad.”

“You should feel bad, Lucas.” Dustin teased. “Thankfully, I’m a good friend and I remembered to have a gift for Will.” 

“Shut up dude, we’re at your house! Of course you have it.” Lucas smacked Dustin on the shoulder with the back of his hand. 

Will laughed as his friends bickered, traces of childhood lingering in their banter despite the fact that they’d been made to grow up a long time ago. 

“Guys!” Will interjected, laugh still coloring his tone. “Seriously, it’s okay! Don’t worry about me. Open your fucking presents already!” 

The other boys looked at Will with almost bewildered expressions. Neither of them were used to him being demanding or impatient. 

“Okay, okay opening!” Dustin waved his folder around.

Lucas and Dustin proceeded to do just as their friend commanded. Will waited, trying to be patient despite the nerves roiling inside that kept trying to convince him they would hate what he created. He watched as each boy pulled out custom character sheets, full color and likeness carefully rendered. Granted, they weren’t as labor intensive as what he’d made for Mike, but he’d still put in love and effort. He’d tried to capture the likeness of his friends and the spirit of the D&D characters they roleplayed. He hoped it was good enough.

“Oh my god, Will…”  Lucas looked up, an excited grin firmly in place. “These are awesome.” 

Will smiled back. It was a shy uncertain smile, but it was genuine. And it grew even more as Lucas pulled him into a tight hug.

“How long did these take, Byers? The details and everything–– shit’s insane!” 

“Yeah! This is really amazing, Will.” Dustin piled on to their hug. “You’re so fucking talented.”

Will felt himself blush. He wasn’t the best at receiving compliments, they always made him uncomfortable. He never really felt like he deserved them.

“Th-thanks, guys. I just, I wanted to do something special. The last campaign Eddie did, with all of us, it was just so epic and amazing and I felt like everyone deserved something to commemorate that I guess.” 

“Thanks, Will. They’re great. Really.” Lucas squeezed him just a little bit tighter, eliciting a strained laugh.

“Speaking of great gifts!” Dustin shot up and ran towards his bedroom.

He returned a few moments later with two poorly wrapped packages and handed them to his friends.

“I know I said these are great gifts, but compared to what Will gave us… I guess it’s the thought that counts.”

“I bet they’re great.”

Will beamed at him as he carefully tore off the paper, revealing a few older issues of Uncanny X-men, ones he once borrowed from Dustin–– part of the Dark Phoenix Saga.

“Dustin––” Will felt his eyes well up with tears. It was so thoughtful. This one of Will’s favorite arcs when he was younger but he could never afford to keep up with the run.

“I know how much you love Dark Phoenix,” Dustin pointed at the covers. “There’s this comic shop near campus and obviously I go there all the time and these–– they were just sitting there, unloved! Can you believe that shit? So I saw them and immediately thought you should have them. I thought you’d appreciate them.” He smiled.

Misty eyed and feeling so incredibly loved Will chuckled. “Yeah, yeah I do. Thanks, Dustin.”

Several more hugs and thanks were exchanged–– Lucas received the whole run of Batman: Year Three –– Dustin was very generous this year. The amount of money he spent didn’t matter though, it was the intent and care behind the gifts. Dustin had paid close attention to the things his friends held dear and made sure to pick something meaningful. He was a good friend. Both of them were. Will was so grateful for him and Lucas. They’d plucked him out of his moping, forced him to have fun, and showered him with love and attention. If Will didn’t know better he would say his friends had received news that he only had 24 hours to live. 

He almost had to laugh at the irony. No one seemed to notice him unless he was upset. He didn’t want to think about that right now, though. He was happy. He was supposed to be happy, but his mind kept drifting back to Mike and how he wished he could be here too. He wondered how Mike was feeling, if he was lonely. He wondered if Mike felt abandoned, much like he used to. It made his heart ache, knowing what he knows now. Mike is depressed. Mike is lonely. Mike is his best friend… or at least he used to be. Being with Dustin and Lucas was great, but in truth Will missed Mike. He wanted him to share in their happiness too. But he didn’t want to bring down the mood, so he distracted himself instead.

“Are you guys hungry?” He blurted. In truth he wasn’t very hungry, having eaten way too much junkfood, but he needed to escape his own thoughts.

“Uh, yeah. I could eat.” Lucas looked to Dustin.

Dustin sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I hate to break it to you, but we’re fresh out of anything that could really be considered a meal…”

“We could always go to the diner?” Lucas suggested. “I’m kinda in the mood for a curly fries.” 

     The three boys agreed, diner curly fries did in fact sound perfect. They gathered their things and piled into Dustin’s car, making their way towards town. Dustin popped in Corroded Coffin’s demo tape and hastily pulled out of the driveway. Eddie’s band wasn’t really Will’s taste, but they were technically sound and the vocals were good. It wasn’t like it was a long drive, but with the music and his ever nagging nerves threatening to ruin his fun, Will had time to think. 

He thought about what they might say at dinner, what questions might come up. He wondered if they would press him for more details about New York, like Max had before she found out about Danny. Will wasn’t sure if he was ready to tell the guys that the “girl” he hooked up with was really an impossibly handsome boy from Brooklyn with fluffy dark hair, large brown eyes, and full lips. He didn’t want them to pry into the “more” that he’d accidentally insinuated. Which there was, more than just kissing, but if Will shared just the sort of things he’d done with his not-boyfriend Danny… well, they’d crucify him before he could even beg for their acceptance. 

Deep down, Will wanted to tell them. He wanted to be honest with Dustin and Lucas and share his exploits just as they had in the past with him. But it wasn’t safe and he wasn’t sure if it ever would be. It was times like this that made him yearn to be normal, to not think about boys like Danny or Mike in ways that made him feel unclean. Come to think of it, Danny and Mike… fuck, Will has a type. Tall, dark haired boys with full lips that Will just wanted to kiss nonstop who also happened to have an acute sense of when he felt distressed. Why couldn’t he just be normal? 

The car lurched to a stop, whiplashing Will back into reality. The boys hastily existed the car and made their way towards the diner. Will looked around the now darkened streets, illuminated by Christmas lights and street lamps. He would almost find it beautiful, down town Hawkins, if the flurries in the air and blinking blue holiday lights didn’t vaguely remind him of the upside down. He shuddered off the remainder of the thought as he stepped inside. As happy as Will was to be with Lucas and Dustin, the mixing of his present inner turmoil with past traumas wasn’t conducive to a fun social atmosphere. Once inside the diner, Will was decidedly quiet. 

For a while, Will was just an observer, watching his two friends joke and swap stories as he tried to fade into the furniture. But this time wasn’t like it was in high school, Lucas noticed . He saw Will floating away and threw out a life line. It had to be, in part, a remnant of what he’d gone through with Max. After her ordeal with Vecna, after her coma, Lucas paid more attention. He was terrified of letting any of his friends drift away and getting lost in the current. Ever since then Lucas Sinclair tried so hard to show everyone just how much he cared, just how much you meant to him. He never wanted to lose anyone again. 

“Hey, Will!” Lucas shouted. “Catch!”

Will’s gaze shot up towards his now expectant friends and his eyes widened. He watched in feigned terror as Lucas proceeded to pelt him with bits of curly fries.

“Lucas!” He hissed, trying to hint that he didn’t want to make a scene. 

“What’s that? I don’t think he can hear you!” Dustin joined in.

“Uhg! Fine I surrender!” Will threw his hands up in defeat, shy smile replacing the frown he’d had only moments ago.

His friends smiled at him, handing him extra napkins and trying to clean up the mess they’d just made.

“Sorry dude,” Dustin laughed. “You just, went away there for a little bit. You okay?” His eyes swam with genuine concern.

Will looked between the two of them, thinly veiled worry on both of their faces. This is not what he wanted.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just thinking.” He supplied.

“About?” Lucas raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know…” Will trailed off. “It’s not really important.” 

“Come on, Will. Whatever it is we wanna hear about it.”

God, Lucas’s gentle smile was doing things to Will’s heart strings. It made him want to tell him everything he’d been holding in, but he just couldn’t. Not here, not now, maybe not ever. 

“Is it about Gina?” Dustin leaned in, mischievous look in his eyes.

“What?” Will hated how confused he sounded. “No, no. It’s not about Gina.”

“Okay, so it’s not about Gina. But, Will, man I am dying to know more about this girl.”

Maybe Dustin was trying to distract him, maybe he could sense that whatever was bothering Will, he didn’t want to talk about it. Part of him was grateful for the bait, the other part dreaded lying again. He wasn’t sure how many more lies he had in him. 

“I told you guys about her already.” His voice was shaky. Great.

“Yeah, you told us that she took you to do cool stuff and that you like hanging out with her, but Will, dude–– you never told us what she looked like or what it was like to kiss her or anything!” Dustin gestured wildly before taking a sip of his milkshake. 

“With that fresh new look of your’s, I bet you’re getting all the girls. Not just Gina.” Lucas winked at him. 

Will swallowed hard. His hands felt clammy. He wasn’t sure what to say, how to answer their questions. He fidgeted nervously, rubbing his palms and shifting in his seat. Will opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to muster up the courge to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. He had already told his mom and siblings, he’d already told Max. Maybe he should just rip off the bandaid and tell Dustin and Lucas too?

“I-–I, uh––”

“Holy shit Is that Byers?!” 

A loud, painfully familiar voice flooded Will’s ears. Years of torment and tears came flooding back in an instant. This time it wasn’t Vecna or the upside down, it was one of his earliest traumas. Troy. 

    Will sat painfully still, stiff as a board. His eyes were fixed on Lucas’s coke, his hands clenched into fists. He could feel his friend’s eyes on him, their concerned expressions boring holes into his skull. Will was frozen in place.

“Well whaddya know, James. It is Byers!” Troy slammed his hands down on their table. “Looks like the fairy’s back to infect the town!”

With those words Will felt silent tears burst forth. They trailed down his cheeks as he tried to act like none of this was happening. Will Byers, Hawkins’ biggest crybaby. 

“Fuck off Troy.” Lucas stood up.

Will’s eyes darted towards his friend, a silent thank you glistening just behind the tears.

“Butt out, Sinclair.” Troy shoved him and leaned in closer to Will. “Here I was thinking you’d finally left for good.”

Dustin attempted to get between them, but James stepped in to block him.

“Troy, leave Will alone, man.” Dustin pleaded.

“No.” He spat. “No, I don’t think so. You see, people like Byers, they don’t belong in Hawkins.”

“Stop.” Will whispered.

“What’s that faggot?” Troy laughed, tugging Will by the shirt into a standing position. “I don’t speak fruit.”

“Stop.”

“Like I said,” He huffed. “The only place for queers in Hawkins is inside that giant crack that opened up four years ago. I should’ve pushed you in when I had the chance.”

Time moved in slow motion. Troy’s words hit Will like bullets. They wounded him, they opened old scabbed-over scars. This was the last thing he was expecting tonight and he had no idea how to react. He didn’t know how to handle slurs being hurled at him in front of his friends, in public, as an adult–– well 18 is still a kid, but he was legal now. The bullying used to make him scared, he used to want to run away and sob and hide. Part of him still wanted to. The wounded inner child begged Will to run away, it pleaded with him to find somewhere safe. But 18 year old Will was angry. He was angry for that defenseless little kid that was abused and vilified. Grown up Will had lived with those names for years: fairy, fruit, queer, fag . He was. HE WAS .

This time, Will didn’t run. Will wasn’t timid or meek. This time Will Byers fought back. The second the last word left Troy’s lips, Will did something he never believed he’d do. He punched Troy Walsh, one of his oldest monsters, square in the mouth. His hand stung, his  knuckles scrapped across the other boy’s teeth. But he felt empowered. He felt almost free. Will stood there for a moment, frozen in place as he watched Troy stumble back pulling his hand away to reveal blood. You did that! You did that, Will . He let out a stunned laugh, he couldn’t believe any of this was real. But it was.

“I told you to stop.” Will’s voice was low as he stepped forward, shoulder checking his tormentor. 

It was a rush. It was overwhelming. As good as it felt, Will also had a deep sense of shame. He’d never done anything like that before and he likely never would again. He wasn’t violent, he wasn’t an angry person, but he supposed everyone had their breaking point. With everything he’d been through the past couple years he was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. It didn’t matter why it had happened now, all that mattered was that Will was starting to feel claustrophobic and lightheaded. He steadied himself and pushed past Troy and James, back out to the car. He needed to escape, he needed air. Now he could run. 

Will made his way to Dustin’s car and tried for the back passenger’s side handle. Knowing this was Dustin and he was in Hawkins, not New York City, Will had a suspicion the door wouldn’t be locked. He rejoiced as the smell of old leather greeted him and he slunk into the seat. Finally he let himself sob–– not silent tears, not slight hiccups and wet eyes, full body sobs. He shook and tucked his head between his knees as he cried. Troy was right, will was queer, but it didn’t mean he deserved to be treated like he was subhuman. He was finally coming to realize that. He was realizing that just because he attracted to men, it didn’t mean he was destined to suffer.

He breathed in deep, trying to regulate his rapidly beating heart. Just as he thought he’d finally recentered, panicked banging on the windows startled him.

“What the fuck?” He gasped.

“Will!” Dustin shrieked.

“Will are you okay?”

His friends rushed into the car, breathless and wide eyed.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He sniffled.

“Dude,” Dustin chuckled. “You should’ve seen the look on Troy’s face.”

“I think he was about ready to piss himself.” Lucas grinned.

“I doubt it was because he’s scared of me.” Will mumbled, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Seriously though,” Lucas’s voice softened. “Are you okay?”

It melted Will’s heart. The concern, the attentive and patient manner Lucas adopted–– Will felt like he didn’t deserve it. As much as he’d told himself before that he didn’t deserve to be miserable, that just because he was gay didn’t mean he should be treated like shit, he still had a hard time believing it. The majority of his thoughts focused on all the horrific outcomes he might face if he was honest with his friends. He was so scared of losing not only their respect, but of losing them. Sure, with his family and Max, things had turned out fine… but this was different. He didn’t know how or why, it just was. He was afraid to open up to Dustin and Lucas, afraid that he might disgust them. Will thought he might die if they rejected him, that the heart break would be too much. But he was tired of lying, just like he was tired of running.

“No.” Will whispered. “I’m not okay.” He felt the tears welling up again.

Dustin placed his hand on Will’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Troy’s an asshole, Will. People like that find literally anything to use as fuel. Say anything to shit on you. He’s just saying bullshit to make you feel bad.” 

Will scoffed. It wasn’t meant to be mean or dismissive, but it must’ve taken his friends aback. He felt himself swallow hard, tears continuously flowing. Maybe it was better to tell the truth, to rip off the bandaid and regret it later.

“What if he’s not bullshitting?” Will clenched his jaw. Guess we’re doing this, Will .

“Dude, Troy’s totally bul––”

Lucas raised a hand to cut Dustin off, allowing for Will to continue. He looked at his broken down friend with such empathy and compassion, tried to show Will he was listening.

“What do you mean, Will?”

“What if he’s right? About me.” All the color seemed to drain from Will’s face. 

Neither of his friends said a word. They simply sat on either side of him and waited.

“I–– I’ve been keeping something from you guys.” He sighed, rubbing his palms over his eyes. “I have been for a long time actually and it feels like shit.”

“Take you’re time, man. It’s okay.” Lucas patted him on the back and rubbed small circles in an attempt to comfort him.

“Firstly,” Will laughed dryly. “The girl I told you about?”

“What about her?”

“She… his name is Danny.” 

“What?” Dustin’s face contorted into a lopsided expression, utterly confused.

“You–– you like guys?” Lucas’s hand went still. It didn’t leave Will’s back, he just stopped moving.

Inside Will was panicking. Had he just made the biggest mistake of his life? Were they going to tell him to get out of the car and leave him there? Did they hate him now? Did they think he was disgusting? He tried to collect himself and keep going, he needed to get through this. With each person Will had confided in, the crushing weight on his chest let up just a little bit more. Maybe this time it would too.

“Yeah. I like guys.” Will looked at his shoes, it was too hard to look at either of his friend’s faces.

“Is he… Is Danny your?” Lucas tried not to sound awkward.

“Boyfriend? No. We’re just friends.” 

“But do you like him?” Dustin questioned.

Will couldn’t help but feel surprised. So far neither of them had said or done anything to make him feel unsafe or unwelcome. They were just taking it in stride. He was tempted to ask them about it, but it almost didn’t feel right.

“I mean yeah? But I think we’re better off as friends.”

“So… does that mean you don’t like girls?”

Will looked at Dustin like he had three heads.

“No. No I definitely do not like girls.” He laughed, fidgeting nervously.

“Does that mean you like us ?”

“Dustin, Dude!” Lucas smacked him on the back of the head.

“What? I’m serious! It’s called scientific curiosity, Lucas. If Will likes guys and we’re guys, don’t you think that maybe Will likes us?!” 

Will sat there wide eyed in shock. This is not at all how he thought this conversation would go.

“Wait.” He put his hands up. “I’m sitting in the back of your car, crying my eyes out and telling you I’m goddamn dirty homosexual after having a bunch of slurs thrown at me and you wanna know if I think you’re hot?”

“Yes?” Dustin said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh my god.” Will buried his face in his hands.

He felt a hand start rubbing small circles into his back again, Lucas’s hand.

“Did you think we’d be mad at you, Will? Did you think we wouldn’t wanna be friends with you anymore if we knew you were gay?” Will could hear the poorly disguised heartache in his friend’s voice.

“Yeah.” He sighed. “I thought you would never wanna see me again. I thought that you’d think I was a freak.” He was still crying.

“And we’re not freaks?” Dustin laughed.

“Being a nerd isn’t the same as––”

“Being treated different because of who you are? Yeah, I know.” Lucas grabbed Will’s hand in his and squeezed it tight. “Trust me, Will. I get it. I really get it, man. It’s one thing getting called a loser or whatever dumb nickname bullies decide to use for you that week. But it’s another thing to get called––”

“A slur.” Will finished the sentence, smiling sadly at Lucas. 

“Yeah.” Lucas pulled him for a tight hug. “It sucks and it makes you feel like the universe made some mistake making you… like people would be happier if you didn’t exist. But that’s their problem, their own hate. That’s not on you. I know it hurts and you don’t have to go through it alone. I want you to know that we love you, Will. You’re our friend and we would fucking die for you, okay? Never forget that, man.”

Will leaned into the hug and sobbed. He had never heard Lucas be so vulnerable and comforting with him. He knew the discrimination they both faced wasn’t exactly the same, and in some ways what Lucas had to go through was worse–– unlike Will, he couldn’t hide the things that made hateful people angry–– but they understood each other on a level that the rest of the party couldn’t and it made Will feel special. 

“Thanks. I mean it, seriously. Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.” 

“Of course, dude. Like Lucas said. You’re part of our party. We’re brothers for life.” Dustin smiled at him. 

Will hugged them both incredibly tight. He relished in the fact that they didn’t abandon him, that they didn’t find him disgusting or sick. Sure the comic books from Dustin were a nice gift, but being accepted by your lifelong friends, no matter what, was even better. He almost wouldn’t care if he never got another gift ever again. Feeling unconditionally loved was better than any present. He’d cherish this always.

Chapter Text

    Mike couldn’t stay still. Ever since he hung out with Will, ever since he kissed him , he’d been a nervous wreck. Mike Wheeler was falling apart. The past few days, his emotions just kept building and building and he didn’t know how to handle it. He kept replaying every moment, every minute detail that unfolded. How could he be so stupid? How could he expose himself like that and make things weird? He probably made Will uncomfortable–– instead of trying to soothe him after what seemed like one of the most intense nightmares his friend had had in a while, Mike probably freaked him out. God he was hopeless. 

    The anxiety he felt was all consuming, to the point where his family had noticed the change in behavior. His dad kept pointing out how moody he was, how he back talked and lashed out. His mom said she was worried about him and Nancy kept checking in, trying to reassure him that she was “always willing to listen.” He hated it. He hated how they were reading into everything, because the closer they read the greater the possibility of seeing right through him. He was terrified of the the truth, of his family knowing. It made Mike queasy every time he thought about Will, because he couldn’t think about Will without also thinking about how much he loved him. Mike Wheeler wasn’t supposed to love boys , not even Will Byers. 

    He knew he was disappointing his family, coming off as disrespectful. His grades weren’t great this semester, he spent most of his break so far locked inside his room, and he kept blowing off family obligations. He’d practically ruined Christmas Eve and Christmas, refusing to do go to dinner at Nana’s until Nancy promised him she’d buy him alcohol and cigarettes if he’d just appease their parents for one night. And on Christmas he just moped around all day. He didn’t even touch his presents, he was entirely apathetic aside from the full on crisis wrecking havoc in his brain every time he thought about meeting up with Will. 

    Mike hated himself. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling and mindlessly strummed on his guitar. He was supposed to pick up his best friend in an hour and every minute that passed brought him one step closer to a full blown panic attack. He didn’t even know what they were doing, where they were going. All he knew was that Will wanted to talk , whatever that meant. Maybe he was going to tell Mike he didn’t want to be friends anymore. Maybe Will had a new best friend. All these thoughts only made the queasiness worse, but he was powerless to stop them. The worst offender though was his fear that Will would see right through him, that he’d figure out Mike was in love with him and he’d never want to see him again. 

    He knew he’d been a shitty friend, had been for a while, but he had no idea how to fix things. Well he had some idea, but he was positive that if he acted on it, Will would know he wanted to be with him and find him disgusting. Everything sucked, everything was suffocating and dreadful and Mike couldn’t believe he’d ever thought Will could like him. He was stupid to think that Will was gay. He was just a late bloomer and he was finally coming into his own. Will finally seemed happy and Mike was trying to destroy that because he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing him. Fuck.  

    He plucked mindlessly, strumming out some melody he half remembered how to play in hopes that it calmed him down–– until he realized. He was playing Will’s favorite song. He’d been absentmindedly playing the chords of Boys Don’t Cry . Why was he like this? He groaned as he pushed himself off the bed. Only 30 minutes to go . He decided he should at least make some attempt to look less pathetic than he felt. He wound up changing a total of six times. He didn’t even think the sweater he landed on was good enough, but it was better than everything else he tried. 15 more minutes.  

The last few minutes passed incredibly slow and all he could do was pace. He knew his footsteps were probably annoying his dad directly below, but he didn’t care, he needed to let out at least some of the nerves. 10 minutes. He was so paranoid that Will hated him. It kept threatening to shatter the already fragile pieces of his heart. He had to prove to Will that he cared about him, that he was sorry for being an asshole. 5 minutes.

 Mike took several deep breaths, thinking of all the ways he could show his best friend of 13 years that he didn’t forget him, that he never meant to. 3 minutes. He grabbed his coat, keys, and wallet and began to make his way to the door when he felt his eyes lock on his dresser. Will’s Christmas present. He contemplated leaving it behind, forgetting that it existed because giving it to Will meant laying his heart bare. It wasn’t much, but it was all Mike could do. He stared at the cassette for just a little while longer, a lump forming in his throat as he thought about the possible consequences. 30 seconds . He swallowed hard. Fuck it. Mike grabbed the tape and ran down the stairs and out to the car. He wasn’t ready.

Will was too anxious to wait inside. Despite the cold, he sat on the front steps, smoking a cigarette while he waited for his best friend to arrive. The wait was excruciatingly slow. He’d only been outside for 10 minutes, but it felt like lifetimes. He was the one who asked Mike if they could talk, but suddenly Will had no idea what he would even say to him. He was starting to doubt if this was even a good idea. He could feel his hands shake as he brought the cigarette to his lips, he wasn’t sure if it was his nerves or the cold or both, but he wished it would stop. He pressed play on his walkman, trying to get lost in the music. He drummed his fingers restlessly against his leg, tapping out the beat to the Smiths “I want the one I can’t have”–– how fucking ironic. 

He took another drag, eyes finding the carefully wrapped hand-drawn comic sitting at his side. He felt stupid, putting so much effort into something that would lose all meaning once it made it’s way into Mike’s possession. Maybe it wouldn’t lose all meaning, just the one Will intended. He shouldn’t hope for Mike to grasp that anyway, if he did he’d come to realize that Will was a horrible, disgusting person. Will sighed, sliding the gift carefully into his jacket pocket, which was thankfully large enough to fit said comic. He sat idly for a few more moments, unsure of what to do with himself until he saw the familiar Wheeler family station wagon pulling into his driveway. He suddenly felt frozen, glued in place. His limbs refused to listen to his brain and so he just sat there with a slight frown as Mike put the car in park. 

He managed to find the will to take off his headphones and pause the music, staring hesitantly at the station wagon as Mike stepped out.

“Oh,” Mike had a puzzled look on his face as he noticed Will. “You’re already out here… I hope you weren’t waiting too long.”

Will noticed the way his adam’s apple bobbed after he spoke, swallowing down what Will presumed to be nerves. It was clear in Mike’s body language that he seemed on edge. Will hoped that it wasn’t because he made Mike nervous.

“No, only a few minutes.” Will finally managed to stand, avoiding eye contact. 

“Good. I’d, uh, I’d feel like shit if you’d been sitting out here in the cold.” Mike scratched the back of his head before climbing back into the driver’s seat. 

All Will could focus on was how the light bouncing off the snow accentuated the paleness of Mike’s skin, how it almost made him look like a statue–– the kind you might see in the Greek and Roman art wing of the Metropolitan Museum. Fuck . This was going to be an agonizing afternoon, Will’s heart the target of his own torture. 

    Will caught his breath, he suddenly realized he hadn’t inhaled for several seconds, lungs burning from the lack of air. He mustered up whatever strength he possessed and slid into the passenger’s seat. His whole body was tense, the atmosphere between him and Mike was buzzing with something Will couldn’t quite place and it scared him. It excited him. It made him confused and frustrated. He kept catching Mike in his periphery, stealing glances at him, looking like he wanted to say something but letting it die on his tongue before he found courage. 

“So…” Will finally spoke, clouds of condensation punctuating his breaths in the cold.

“So.” Mike replied, drumming anxiously on the steering wheel. 

He bit his lip, drawing it between his teeth as he tried to find the strength to say something. Mike had no idea what they were doing, what he was doing. He felt lost, like he’d been dropped in the middle of an unfamiliar city with no map.

“Is there somewhere you wanna go… you know,” Mike swallowed hard. “To talk?”

He couldn’t help but notice the way Will’s breath hitched as he listened, the way his lips twitched subtly as he contemplated the question. The chill air brought a rosy hue to the other boy’s cheeks and Mike found him breathtaking. He felt his heart beat quicken as he watched him. Fuck, Will was beautiful and he had no idea. Mike was sure of it. He wished he had half of Will’s talent. He wanted to paint him, to capture the pensive look on his face. 

“Will?”

    Will let out a slow exhale, contemplating exactly what to do. He felt stupid, he should’ve planned this better, thought this through. He’d ignored trying to think about them meeting today for the past several days. Every time he thought about it his chest swarmed with butterflies and his face felt hot. He wasn’t sure if it was his nerves or the thought of finally talking to Mike, of getting him to open up–– and maybe Will would open up, too. He contemplated for a moment, trying to rack his brain for anywhere they could go. 

He wanted somewhere private, but not too private as to make things awkward. That meant Mike’s house was out of the question. He didn’t want to have this conversation at the diner or the arcade or anywhere really. He thought about the junkyard for a minute, but that seemed an odd choice. Then Will’s mind landed on something utterly stupid, something so foolish and drenched in emotional significance that it made him feel ridiculous. But his mouth moved before he could stop himself.

“The elementary school? It’s closed for break… we could talk by the swings.” 

Will internally cringed, his whole body trying to suppress the urge to contort in embarrassment.

    He snuck a glance at Mike, trying to gauge his reaction. Will watched as his best friend’s eyes widened for a moment, eyebrows raising as though he was shocked at the suggestion. Will wouldn’t blame him if he was, it was a weird suggestion. But Mike’s face soon softened, a warm and slight smile unfurling on his lips.

“Yeah, okay. The elementary school.”

Mike put the car in reverse and backed out of the Byers' driveway. 

The drive to the school was utterly silent, only the sound of tires treading pavement filled the space. Will knew it was awkward, he knew Mike knew it too, but he didn’t care. He didn’t have it in him to speak, his thoughts were all just too intense. All he really wanted out of today was for Mike to know that he cared about him and that what ever was going on, Will would be there, just like he always was. He just needed to figure out how to express it. He knew Mike was hurting and he’d do anything to save him. He stared out the window, wistful waves of nostalgia ebbing and flowing as the place where they first met came into view. It was sort of poetic, here they were all grown up, going back to where it all started–– back to the first time and place they saved each other.

    As they exited the car, Mike felt a sudden wave of nausea over take him. This was the most nervous he’d felt in a long time. It was just Will–– his best friend of 13 years who he’d hung out with and had deep conversations about anything and everything plenty of times. Why right now, though did this feel so impossible? Mike knew, he just didn’t want to admit it. It was because he finally understood that he was in love with Will and talking like this? He feared Will would figure him out from the jump, because unlike him, Will was observant. He took a deep calming breath and headed towards the swings, trying not to steal glances at Will as they walked.

He tried in vain, however. He couldn’t take his eyes off Will. The way he wrapped his arms around his torso–– whether it was discomfort or from the cold, Mike wasn’t sure, but it made him want to hold him too. The world around them reminded him of one of Will’s paintings, the way colors blended together and cast shadows in the now fading light of the sun. Mike hadn’t realized how late it was already, but as they sat on the swings, the vibrant orange sunset silhouetted Will in an almost unearthly glow. It cast his skin in a golden light and made his hair seem even more coppery. Mike felt his stomach twist in knots, his heart felt like it was in his throat. This was bad. Absolutely terrible. Mike Wheeler felt like he might die. 

Will could sense Mike’s discomfort, the uncertainty. It made him feel unsure, too. He itched for something to take the edge off, to stem his ever building nerves, but he wasn’t sure if Mike would be okay with him smoking in front of him. Instead Will just sat on the swing, gently swaying as he fiddled with his almost empty pack of newports. He inhaled deeply, understanding that he would likely be the one to kick things off since Mike was so distant lately. He chanced one more quick glance at Mike. He caught him, caught him staring at him with a strange, unfamiliar look in his eyes. It wasn’t totally unfamiliar, it was a look Mike had never given him . Will knew that look, the softness, the almost overt affection. It was a look he’d seen Mike give El . It didn’t make sense. Nothing about their relationship the last few months made sense, but that’s why he was here. He needed to understand.

“Mike,” Will sighed, continuing to fidget with the pack of cigarettes. “About the other day… I just, I guess I wanted to apologize. You kow, for yelling at you? I–– I don’t want us to fight. I don’t wanna be mad at you. I’m just, I’m trying to understand when and how everything got so… complicated.”

Will wasn’t sure where the words were coming from, where he found the guts to start talking but he wasn’t about to start complaining. The nerves were still there though, buzzing just underneath the surface. Fuck it. I need a cigarette . He hastily light one and inhaled. He knew it wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism, but Will felt like he might fall apart at any moment. 

“I-I– I don’t know, Will.” Mike took a deep breath. “I have no idea. I’m sorry, too by the way. If that’s worth anything. I was being a total asshole. I shouldn’t have yelled at you either. I was taking out unrelated bullshit on you and that’s not fair.” 

Mike noticed Will do a subtle double take, like he was shocked Mike was speaking at all.

“What I wanna know is why you got so upset with me in the first place. To be honest it doesn’t really make sense. I don’t get why you’re so pissed at me for not telling you I kissed someone when you conveniently forgot to mention a lot of things to me.”

“I don’t know, Will.” Mike was starting to sound like a broken record. “I honestly don’t really understand why I was angry. I just was? I know that doesn’t make sense… but I’ve just been feeling really––”

“Depressed?” Will interjected.

“Yeah.” Mike sighed. “Since we all went off to college I’ve just felt like there’s something wrong with me. Like I’m broken or something because I can’t get my shit together. It feels like my life is falling apart, Will. I’m fucking miserable.” He started crying, he didn’t mean to, it just happened.

Will’s heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. Seeing Mike so upset, it was painful. He didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but that wasn’t an option. He meekly held out the cigarette to Mike, unsure if he’d take the offer. Much to Will’s surprise, Mike accepted.

“I– I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I wish… I wish you would’ve told me.” Will felt his voice shake.

“Yeah? What difference would it make, Will?” He didn’t mean for that to come off so harsh.

“I don’t know. But sometimes, talking to someone–– it can help. The right person I mean. Like a friend. Like how we used to.” Will’s pulse quickened. He hoped Mike didn’t see right through him.

“I guess. I just didn’t wanna burden you with my problems.”

“Really, Mike?” Will huffed. “After everything we’ve been through you don’t think I’d be there for you?”

“Maybe? Shit’s just been really hard… confusing? I don’t know exactly.” Not everything he was saying was a lie, but he couldn’t keep throwing Will off with I don’t know and It’s confusing.

Will took a deep breath, swallowing hard before diving into uncomfortable territory.

“Does it have to do with El?”

“Huh?” Mike looked up, a slightly panicked expression on his face.

“What’s going on with you… is it about El? When she told me you guys broke up, she said you didn’t seem like yourself–– like you were confused, like you were hiding something.”

Mike sighed, pressing his palms against his eyes and rubbing to try and hold back his tears. He had really hoped this “talk” would end at their apologies. He was stupid to think that Will wouldn’t ask about the break up.

“Depression does that, Will.” He didn’t want to sound as bitter as he did. “Nancy said so. Like I’m acting like someone else or something. Truth is I don’t really feel like me.”

“Mike,” Will tried to reach out, but thought better of it. “I understand.” 

“No you don’t, Will!” He snapped. 

“Seriously?” Will stopped swinging. “After all the shit I’ve delt with, you don’t think I’ve been depressed, Mike? I know what that’s like, okay? It feels like you’re losing your fucking mind and the world keeps on going even though you feel stuck, even though you can’t move on and everyday the weight of existing just fucking crushes you. So don’t tell me I don’t understand, because I absolutely fucking do.” Great now he was crying. 

“I–I’m sorry, Will. I just… I’ve never felt like this before and it’s fucking awful. I feel like everytime I breathe the world’s gonna end. I feel like a huge liar, like I’m pretending all the time and no one knows but me and it feels like shit.” Mike wiped his nose on his sleeve, trying to wash away the evidence that he was weak.

“Mike, talk to me. Please, just tell me what’s going on. I want to help you. I don’t want you to have feel alone. It sucks. It really fucking sucks to hurt like that and no one else seeing it. So please. Please just talk to me.”

Mike fully burst into tears. He wasn’t trying to hide it anymore. He couldn’t hold it in. 

“I loved El, Will. I was 100% definitely in love with her. I still love El. I think… I think I maybe loved her for the wrong reasons. I don’t know how to explain it. When you went missing, I felt so fucking lost. I had no idea what to do, all I knew was that I had to find you. And when I went looking, I found El instead. And at the time I thought— I thought she needed me. The reality is she never needed me, I needed her. ”

Mike looked so crestfallen, it was clear to Will he was tearing himself apart inside. He knew what that was like.

“Mike,” Will reached out, apprehensive yet filled with the desire to comfort him. He placed his hand over Mike’s. “El needed you. She needed you, Mike, and she always will.”

Mike glanced at Will’s hand, now squeezed tightly around his fingers. Will felt a warmth surge through him, a combination of empathy and love for his best friend. He was emotional, they both were, though for wildly different reasons. For Will, he couldn’t bear to hear Mike put himself down, to openly hate himself. For Mike though? Mike was fighting something deeper that Will didn’t quite understand and it made his chest ache. His best friend was deeply conflicted and hurt and it was painful to witness.

“No she doesn’t, Will. El is incredible and I’m just Mike.”

Fuck , this was breaking Will’s heart.

“You are Mike… and Mike is incredible, too. You know that right? You know that you’re special, too?“

“Not like El. Not like you .”

Will swallowed hard. Sweat began to bead on the back of his neck and he felt clammy. His heart was pounding in his chest.

“M-me?” His voice sounded so innocent.

Mike finally looked him in the eyes, the telltale wetness of barely there tears shimmering in the dim light.

“Yeah, you. You’re special, Will.” Mike paused for an uncomfortably long amount of time. “Like I said, the day you went missing, I felt lost. You’re my best friend. I had no idea what the fuck I would do if you were just gone . The world felt like it was ending and then I met Eleven. It wasn’t that we were meant to be or any of that fate crap, it was just timing and dumb luck. Meeting her made losing you hurt a little less for a while.”

Will felt his cheeks growing hot, a clear flush creeping up, entirely unwanted. Everything Mike was saying, it was stirring that thing inside him that he kept praying would go away, even after he’d come to accept he was gay. It was the foolish hope that maybe somewhere inside Mike, he loved Will too.

“I don’t understand?” It was more of a question than a statement.

“What do you mean, Will? What’s not making sense? Is it the fact that I care about you, is it how things happened with El? What exactly isn’t clicking for you…”

There was an air of frustration and anger in Mike’s tone. He seemed tense and on edge, almost as if he was afraid of anyone, but especially Will, digging deeper.

“I guess all of it… Like why the fuck do you think you’re not special too? Why are you putting El, why are you putting me on a pedestal but shitting on yourself and acting like I’m supposed to agree with you? I don’t understand why you broke up with El and failed to mention it and lied to her about telling me. I don’t get why we barely talk anymore, why the fuck you’ve been so distant with me. That’s what not clicking, Michael .”

Will felt a sense of relief, finally letting out some of his pent up feelings. He felt shame too. He was ashamed that his words were accusations, of how pointed he sounded, how his own pain and frustration seeped into his voice.

“I just wish we could talk. Like we used to. You used to tell me everything and now I feel like I have no idea who you are.”

He could hear Mike take a shaky inhale, it was obvious to Will his best friend was full on crying, despite Mike’s attempts to hide it.

“I don’t know. I don’t know why I haven’t talked to you to be honest… lately, I’ve just felt so confused. You know? I guess I started to realize I loved El because, for a while, she filled a void in me or something. She made me feel like I was special…” He paused to wet his lips. “Like you. You always made me feel special, Will. You never once treated me like I didn’t matter— and sure El did too, but I was literally the first boy she met that liked her and she was the first girl that didn’t seem grossed out by me.”

Something in Mike’s tone told Will his best friend was hinting at something, but so much of what he was saying just didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense that Mike, who always seemed so sure of himself and what he was doing, was now so lost.

“ I made you feel special?” Will’s blush deepened. “Mike, you’re my best friend. I’ve always thought you were amazing. Becoming friends with you was the best day of my life. You’ve always been there for me and made sure I was okay and I’m so grateful for that, really I am. I don’t think you understand how fucking hard it is though, as your best friend, to see you hate yourself. I wanna be here for you, but I’m struggling to understand what’s going on. I feel like you’re hiding things from me and it hurts so fucking bad because I—“

Will’s words got caught in his throat before they could be heard. They died on his tongue, the shame and guilt and fear always, always lurking.

“You what, Will? You what?”

Will squeezed his eyes shut, pressing the heel of his palms into his eyes. He sighed deeply. He hoped Mike would take this completely different than he meant it. This was probably the most vulnerable he’s ever been with Mike. It was terrifying.

“I love you. I fucking love you, Mike and it’s breaking my fucking heart to watch you slip away and act like you don’t deserve people caring about you. But I do— we all do and you can’t just push me away and pretend that I won’t notice or feel hurt by it. I always notice, Mike. I always notice you…”

He felt hot, stinging tears spilling over. His vision was blurred by the sheer volume, but he didn’t care. Will was a highly sensitive, emotional person and Mike would just have to accept it.

“I don’t know how to respond to that…” Mike’s face was mostly blank, but Will knew by the slight shake in his voice that he wasn’t okay.

“I’m sorry if that upsets you or overwhelms you or whatever but I’m sick of trying to hide shit. I’m sick of you hiding shit.”

“What do you mean, Will? I don’t understand.”

“That’s rich.” Will laughed, a tearful hiccup punctuating his snark. “I have a proposal for you, Mike. You tell me what the fuck is really going on and I’ll tell you whatever you want. I’m just tired of acting like everything’s fine. It’s clear, based on stuff El has said and this conversation, that something else is going on and that you’re too scared to say it. Trust me I know what it’s like… but you don’t have to do this alone. I’m here, I’ve always been here.”

Mike buried his head in his hands, his shoulders shook, an obvious sign he was crying again. He just didn’t want Will to see.

“You’re right. You’re 100% fucking right and I hate that you are. The truth is— and I didn’t say this to El because I feel like a piece of shit and now I feel like you’re gonna think I’m a terrible person. Once I left Hawkins, once I had time away from El… I started to realize that maybe I didn’t love her anymore. Maybe not even anymore, maybe I never loved her in the way I thought at all. And that scared me, Will. It scared the shit out of me once I started to really think about it because this whole time I think I was using her to run away from something.”

“What the fuck does that mean, Mike?”

“It means I was running away from my feelings— my real feelings, the ones that any time I thought about them I feel sick to my stomach. And I thought that was my love for El making me feel that way, but that feeling? It never happened when I thought about her. It happened when I thought about someone else. And the more time I had away the more time and space I had to think. I guess that’s why I was pushing both of you away— you guys. You and El, you’re the people who know me better than anyone else. I was so terrified you’d see right through me and hate me. I can’t lose either one of you, but especially not you .”

“You really think I could hate you? That I would hate you because you have feelings for someone else? That’s bullshit. I could never hate you… hell I tried to once and it didn’t work.” Will tried to flash Mike a somber smile, hoping his attempt at levity would come through and not hurt him further.

“You tried to hate me?” Mike laughed. “When?”

“For like 5 months freshman year.” Will blushed.

“Spring break makes way more sense now.”

“Yeah… it does.”

“Why, though? Why did you want to hate me?”

Mike’s classic snarky grin was back, though still tearful.

“Honestly? I was jealous.”

Mike gasped and brought his hand to his chest, feigning shock. Though Will knew Mike didn’t get the reason or maybe he couldn’t believe anyone could be jealous of him.

“William Byers, jealous of me!?”

“Not of you.” Will turned away, he was worried he was taking this somewhere it didn’t need to go.

“Of who then?”

“Of El. I’d been jealous of El for a while. For a long time actually. And I still was until… until you guys broke up.”

“What? I don’t think I’m following.”

“Of course not. I wasn’t expecting you to. I just— Mike, for a long time, seeing you guys together… it made me miserable. I was sick over it. I felt so stupid and gross about how I felt because to most people it wouldn’t make sense. But I wanted what El had. You know how you said you were afraid of losing me? Well I felt like I’d lost you, like you couldn’t even see me anymore. I didn’t just want to hate you, I wanted to hate El too. But I couldn’t. You guys seemed so happy and I felt like shit that I wanted you guys to break up.”

Will felt his body shake as he spoke, felt how fear coursed through him with every word. He wasn’t ready to do this, god he wasn’t ready. But he needed Mike to know. He needed to tell him because maybe if Mike knew it would stop eating away at him. Maybe it would set Will free or maybe it would destroy him. Maybe telling Mike would give him some sick sense of confidence that Will desperately wanted to give back even though it wasn’t his to give. He loved Mike. He was in love with Mike and his chest ached with the knowledge that telling him might ruin the best thing that ever happened to Will. But he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t stand the way Mike looked at him, the way Mike cried, the way Mike seemed so broken. So Will had to tell him. If it ruined their friendship, so be it, at this point he didn’t care. Mike meant everything to him and he needed to let the boy he was in love with know.

“Do you remember the painting I gave you Freshman year? The one from El?” Will’s breath hitched.

Mike looked at him, red rimmed eyes full of confusion.

“Yeah, of course I remember. It’s still hanging up in my room.”

Jesus, Will was fucked.

“Mike, it wasn’t from El… she never commissioned it, she didn’t even know about it. I told you it was her idea because I couldn’t handle how miserable you were and I just wanted to fix things… but I also was afraid to tell you how I felt, so when I said El… Mike, I wasn’t talking about El. I was talking about me .” 

Mike’s eyes went wide. He felt like his entire body was struck by lightning. Will? Will needed him? Will felt lost without him? Will was scared of losing you? Mike was breathless, utterly shocked and confused. What Will was saying, it almost didn’t make sense. But it did. All of those glances he caught his best friend stealing, the moping around him and El, the utter fear in Will’s eyes when he said “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” It WAS his fault . This whole time it was Mike’s fucking fault. He thought back to their miserable journey to find El, trapped inside the god forsaken pizza van. Will said a lot of things, things to comfort him. But one thing suddenly jumped out at him. When you’re different, you feel like a mistake.

“You… You felt like a mistake?” Mike let Will see him cry this time, he let his best friend see just how sorry he was for not paying attention.

Will swallowed hard, afraid of the way Mike was looking at him, afraid of how it made him feel. He wasn’t sure if Mike understood what he was trying to say, but he hoped that at least now, his best friend knew he cared about him. He couldn’t keep lying, he could sense that now that Mike knew it was Will that felt those things, he knew he couldn’t keep the truth from him.

“Yeah. I felt like a mistake. I still feel like a mistake… but, Mike. You make me feel like I’m not. You make me feel like it’s okay to be who I am, like it’s okay to–– I love you, Mike. I love you so much that it hurts and it makes me feel sick to my stomach, because I know I’m not supposed to feel this way, but I do. I hate that I can’t stop being in love with you.” 

Will felt like he was going to throw up. He prayed that lightning would suddenly strike him and wipe him from existence. This was the most mortified he’d ever been. 

“You’re in love with me?!” 

Mike was wrong. He was so incredibly and utterly wrong. Well, he was right, but then he’d convinced himself he was wrong about Will–– so technically he was very much incorrect. Will was gay and he was in love with him. What the fuck was he supposed to do now?

Chapter Text

As soon the words left Will’s lips, he was hit with immediate regret. I can’t stop being in love with you. He could feel the terror making itself known on his face. His breaths became ragged and despite it being winter, Will felt uncomfortably warm. He swallowed thickly, trying so incredibly hard not to look at Mike. Will was horrified. He didn’t want to know what came next, he didn’t want to see the consequences of his actions. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He felt frozen in place, yet he was filled with the overwhelming desire to run. He’d just fucked up everything. Here he was trying to comfort his best friend and instead of smoothing things over he just complicated them. Will wouldn’t blame Mike if he just told him to go fuck himself and left him there.

“You’re in love with me?!” 

Mike was obviously shocked, but his voice was quiet, almost too quiet for Will to hear. It was a curse, to be so observant, to notice things that other people didn’t. The bewildered expression Mike wore did something to Will. It made his chest ache and his stomach twist in knots. He could see the expression, knew logically that someone telling you they love you out of nowhere–– not just someone , but your best friend who is a boy and should, in an ideal world like girls–– he knew it was weird. He knew the logical response to his confession would be for Mike to be freaked out, but instead he looked confused.  

“Mike?” Will could barely speak. His voice didn’t feel like his own. He felt light headed.

His best friend just sat there, dumbfounded, looking as though the universe as he knew it was unavelling before his eyes.

“Mike?” He was starting to panic––he was already panicking, but now it felt ten times worse. “Fucking say something, Michael !” 

Mike continued to sit there, utterly dumbfounded. He had no idea how to respond. Never in a million years did he ever expect his newly realized feelings for Will would be reciprocated. He hadn’t prepared for the miniscule possibility that maybe they were requited— that Will loved him back. Mike never even expected to fall in love with Will. It just happened. When he first realized he was attracted to men, his whole world came crashing down around him. He felt sick, he felt like his whole life was a joke and he deserved to be miserable. He wasn’t normal, he was queer and that was wrong. But now? Now the object of his desire stood before him, wide eyes brimming with tears, confessing that he’d been in love with him for years . How do you even respond to that?

He felt his lip quiver, every time he tried to find the words he was at a loss. All he could do was look at Will, studying his every move in hopes it would inspire him to say something. When he found words, they weren’t enough. He knew they weren’t. Nothing Mike could say would be adequate or eloquent or even reassuring.

“I’m sorry.” He finally managed.

Will did a double take. Mike is SORRY? Why is he sorry?

“What?” Will’s voice kept shrinking with each subsequent sentence. 

“I– I’m sorry.” 

Mike’s brows knit, a pained and conflicted look taking root. It scared Will. What did that look mean? Was this it? Was this how their friendship would end?

“I’m sorry that you’re in love with me.” Mike said flatly, almost dejected.

Ouch. That hurt. It hurt deeply. Will knew by Mike’s tone that he was demeaning himself. Mike’s reaction to his confession was incredibly confusing. Will couldn’t understand why he wasn’t berating him, why Mike wasn’t yelling or threatening him or telling him he was utterly repulsive. Sure, this was a lot to take in, but Will knew that Mike was raised to think similarly to how Lonnie talked about Will. He knew Ted Wheeler had no love for queer people, even if he didn’t express it as explicitly as Lonnie. That meant Mike likely held those same views, he’d heard them since they were too young to understand the weight. Will was certain that Mike found him disgusting and if he didn’t… well he should. 

    They sat on the swings in silence, the sun finally disappearing beyond the horizon. Neither of them made an effort to disrupt the quiet. It was all so heavy. It only made Will feel worse. He wished he could read Mike’s mind right now. He just wanted him to confirm that he hated him so it would be easier to walk away, but Mike said nothing. Will’s fear and anxiety was now all consuming. He was white-knuckling the chain link holding up the swing, mustering up whatever he had left within him to do something. He couldn’t take not knowing, the weight of everything left unsaid. There was surprisingly still more he wanted to say, but he was a coward. Dustin and Lucas, they might think he’s brave–– especially for being honest with Mike–– but in truth Will Byers was a coward who wanted to disappear.

    He bit his lip, nerves, fear, and impulsiveness all commingling until they overloaded. Will didn’t want to do this. He’d come here with the intention of understanding his best friend, instead he’d made it about him and it seemed as though Mike still couldn’t get it through his thick skull that Will cared about him. Or maybe he did get it, but the way in which Will cared was wrong. Will made up his mind and came to the conclusion that if Mike didn’t take initiative he would. He’d spare his friend the trouble of ripping off the bandaid. Will could do that at least. 

“Well… if you’re not gonna say anything.” 

Will inhaled a shaky breath as he rose from the swing. He couldn’t look at Mike, he didn’t want to know what his expression might reveal. Despite the fear driving his every move, Will had one last act of bravery to do. Will reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out the carefully wrapped comic book and handed it to him.

“Merry Christmas, Mike.” Will proceeded to walk out of the playground towards the parking lot.

He left. He just fucking left. The weight of what he’d just done was crushing him and he couldn’t stay. He needed to get away from Mike, the one thing that simultaneously made him feel crazy and kept him grounded. He felt so stupid. Mike had driven him here and now Will was abandoning him and headed to god knows where because he couldn’t face what might happen with his best friend. Pathetic.  

    He found himself in the high school parking lot, wandering around aimlessly in the now dark landscape. He didn’t know what to do. It was freezing, he’d ditched his way home, and he felt like he might have a panic attack. Then he remembered. The payphones. He refused to walk back to where he’d left Mike, to ask him to forget everything he said and just drive him home, so he did the only thing he could think to do. He called home. 

“Hello?” Will was met with Hopper’s gruff voice.

Every breath Will took was ragged, his mouth felt incredibly dry, and the fear he felt was suddenly a million times worse. Why couldn’t it have been mom or Jonathan? Will swallowed hard and forced himself to be uncomfortable.

“C–can you come get me?” He sounded so small and terrified.

“Will?” Hopper was concerned. Great. “Where are you?”

“The high school. I’m at the high school.”

“Kid, did something happen? You alright?”

“I– I’m fine.” He lied. “I just… could you––” Shit. He started crying. He wasn’t sobbing, but he knew he sounded upset.

“Yeah, kid. Of course. I’m coming. I’ll be there soon.” 

    With that the call disconnected and Will was left once more to wait. He sat there and cried, head tucked against his knees, praying that he could take everything back. He did everything he could for the next 15 minutes to try and think about literally anything else, putting his headphones on to drown out the world. Will couldn’t stop thinking though. He kept thinking about how Mike’s fingers brushed against his when he handed him the cigarette, how electricity buzzed through him. He thought about the way Mike chewed his lip when he was nervous, about how the golden-orange glow of sunset brought out his freckles. Mostly though, Will thought about how dejected Mike looked, how until Will stupidly spilled his guts, Mike just looked like he wanted to disappear. Will knew that feeling, it pained him to know that his best friend now understood it too. 

    The tape in his walkman finally ran out, Will sitting mostly numb in the quiet dark. By the grace of god the headlights of Hop’s truck flooded the parking lot. Will shot to his feet and practically sprinted to the car. He hastily opened the door and climbed inside, panting heavily as he slunk into the seat. All he wanted to do was go home. He hoped Hopper would grant him some space and let him just zone out. He didn’t want to talk about it, not with his step-dad. But things weren’t going according to his plans these days so why would this be any different?

    Hop put the truck in reverse and pulled out of the school lot, maintaining the awkward silence that settled in the front seat. Will could feel Jim’s eyes on him, the occasional glances that screamed I’m suspicious and worried. He wasn’t even trying to hide the cop schtick, despite the fact that he had promised the kids he’d do his best not to give them the shakedown or treat them like he thought they were guilty. Will still felt like he was either in trouble, despite doing nothing wrong, or that Hopper believed he was hiding something. Which wasn’t wrong, Will just didn’t want Hopper to know he was right.

“Look, kid.” Jim sighed. “You know I’m not mad at you for calling, right? If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask–– to call. I don’t care if you’re drunk somewhere with a flat tire at 3 am, if you need me, I’ll be there. Whatever’s goin’ on I don’t want you to think you can’t talk to me, okay?”

His mom had really rubbed off on Hop, huh? Will felt like his step-dad was being genuine, that he wanted to support him, but he wasn’t sure if Chief Jim Hopper was the sort of person to confide in. He knew the chief cared about him and his brother, but stuff like this? Relationship problems, self loathing–– relationship problems due to said self loathing? Not something Hopper would likely deal well with, especially the one very crucial detail–– all of this was happening because Will was gay. Will wasn’t typically masculine, he wasn’t brimming with machismo. He knew he was likely difficult for Hopper to relate to and that being gay was something he shouldn’t bring up. Hopper was a man’s man. He was raised in conservative middle America just like Lonnie, like Ted. He likely felt the same.

Will swallowed hard, contemplating if he should even acknowledge what was said. He didn’t want Jim to think he was being disrespectful so he bit the bullet and did what he thought he was supposed to.

“I know.” Will said quietly, shrinking even further into the seat.

He heard Hop inhale through his nose, followed by a contemplative hum.

“I–– I know I’m not good at this kind of thing, Will.” He drummed the steering wheel. “You’re a good kid, resilient.”

“Yeah, resilient .” Will huffed a skeptical laugh.

“What, you don’t think so?”

Will let them sit in uncomfortable silence for several moments, probably more than a minute. He desperately wanted to hide in it, to just magically be back in his room so he could cry in private and maybe even call Danny. Maybe he’d talk to El. Just not Hopper. 

“I know I’m not, blood–– I’m not your father–– but kid, I care about you. You, your brother, your mom. I care. Trust me on that, okay?” 

All Will could do was nod. He felt like his mouth was glued shut. He wanted to scream, to tear at his hair and just be normal . Being back in Hawkins was so incredibly hard. Will missed New York, he missed being able to hop on the subway with Danny and Gina and Luis and hang out on Christopher street and just be himself without giving a single fuck for the first time in his life. But he wasn’t wrapped in the safety of a big city, he was trapped in the embrace of a backwards small town where people like Troy and Lonnie and probably Hopper, would sooner chase him out with a pitchfork.

“Can you trust me, Will?” Hopper gave him a quick glance. “I get it’s difficult. I just––”

“You care about me, I know.” Will sighed.

Another pause.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?” 

“Not really?” Will’s stomach was in knots.

“You don’t sound too sure there, kid.” Jim chuckled. 

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what happened or you don’t want to tell me?”

Will leaned forward, placing his head against the dashboard and shielding himself with his arms. He didn’t feel unsafe, just uncomfortable–– exposed?

“You were with Mike today, yeah?” 

The way the chief said Mike’s name made Will feel defensive. He knew Mike and Hop had a history , but that was old news–– in the past, right?

“Yeah.” Will was curt.

“Did that–– did that smug little shit… did something happen between you two?” 

Though Will’s eyes were fixed on the floor he could hear the grimace in Hopper’s voice. Will had a feeling that maybe Hop knew about El’s breakup and that the man was likely simultaneously relieved and pissed as all hell that the damn thorn in his side, Mike , broke his daughter’s heart. Will didn’t want to add fuel to that fire, especially when most of this had to do with Will’s own insecurities.

He sighed, shaky breaths returning completely unwanted.

“Not exactly.” 

“Do I have to threaten him again ?” 

Will shot upright, panic overtaking his features.

“What? No– no. Things have just been… weird. Between me and Mike.” 

Stop talking, Will. Why are you talking? What the fuck are you doing?

“Weird, huh?” Hopper raised an eyebrow, eyes still on the road.

Will swallowed hard. He had no idea why he was even engaging, why he kept this conversation going despite how badly he wanted it to end. Maybe he was just tired. Emotional exhaustion can make someone delirious, right?

“Weird.” Will parroted. “ I made them weird.”

“Kid, I doubt you could do anything to make things weird with Wheeler.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah? Care to elaborate? Or don’t, I’m not gonna force you to talk, Will.” 

Will groaned. This was all too much. He’d envisioned his winter break going entirely different. He hadn’t planned to come out to anyone, to tell his friends that he’d met and fooled around with a guy , that he was in love with Mike . He certainly never thought he’d be talking about his feelings with the Hawkins Chief of police. Will was decidedly not okay right now. He was tired of bottling everything up, hiding things from almost everyone he knew, but he didn’t feel safe. He, despite being accepted thus far, felt a sudden deep and profound sense of loneliness. The loneliness stemmed from fear, fear that he’d lost the best thing that ever happened to him. 

As he thought about the possibility of losing Mike and how it was his own doing, Will broke down. He started sobbing and shaking and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to stop. He was embarrassed, crying in front of Hopper. He must’ve looked so weak . Will tried so hard for so long to be strong, yet everyone treated him like he was fragile and now he was proving them right. Will was falling apart and he was powerless to stop his own destruction. He also had witnesses. More importantly right now, was that Jim Hopper was witnessing it. 

“Will, hey.” Jim put his hand on his shoulder. The touch was heavy, warmth replacing cold.

Will couldn’t speak. He just shook and cried.

“It’s okay, kid. Let it out.”

“I– I’m sorry.” Will hiccuped.

“Why are you sorry?” His step-dad sounded troubled by that. It confused Will.

“For crying. For bothering you.” 

“You’re not bothering me. Not at all. I told you, I’m not mad. I’m not ticked off. You needed me, I’m here. Don’t apologize for that okay?”

Will scrunched his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears. He nodded, trying to convince both Hopper and himself that he understood the sentiment, that he believed him. He knew Hopper might not understand what he was going through, that Will’s secret might be the very thing that ruins the tentative father-son relationship between them, but the pain that coursed through him was too much to bear in silence–– alone.

“Hopper?” His voice was raspy and quiet.

“Yeah, kid?”

“Do you… do you ever feel like you’re cursed or something? Like every good thing you’ve ever had gets taken away from you and that you don’t deserve to be happy?” Will cradled his head in his hands, eyes transfixed on the floor. His tears converged into a single stream and trickled down his nose onto his lap, dotting his jeans with all the emotion bottled inside him.

He heard the chief take a breath, a contemplative and almost pained reaction.

“Yeah. Yeah I have.” He paused. “Did I ever tell you about my daughter Sara?”

Will looked up, eyeing his step-dad with a sorrowful expression and shook his head.

“She died. Young.” Jim scrubbed his hand over his mustache and beard. “Sara was 7 years old, barely enough time to really live. And just like that she was gone.”

“I– I’m sorry.” Will wiped at his tears. “I’m sorry you lost her.”

“Me too kid.” A pause. “You know something? You remind me of her. Of Sara.”

“Really?” Will’s tone was incredibly soft, attentive.

“She was real smart. Smarter than me. Loved reading and science–– mostly space. She was curious and kind. Like you. A good kid.”

Will nodded, followed by an involuntary exhale. “I don’t know… I don’t feel too good lately. But Sara? She sounds like she was great.”

“Will, trust me, you are a good kid. I’ve seen how you look out for El, how you take care of your mom. You’re a good kid. You and Sara. I wasn’t though. Made a lotta mistakes. When I was your age I hated my old man, I wanted nothing to do with anything… so I left first chance I got. When I was 18 I got drafted and shipped off to Vietnam. At first I was happy, happy to get outta this shithole and away from my dad. But over there? Over there I saw shit, I did shit. It sticks with you… pretty sure you know what that’s like.”

Will couldn’t take his eyes off Hopper. He’d never heard or seen him be so open and vulnerable. It was weird to have such a sensitive conversation with someone who projected such a guarded, rough exterior. It was also nice. He’d never had conversations like this with a father figure before. He’d never gotten a heart to heart with Lonnie and he likely never would. But Jim? Jim was embracing his role as Will’s step-dad and trying to relate to him, to care about him.

“I got assigned to the chemical corps. Nasty shit. But at the time, me and the other guys–– we had no damn clue about how dangerous that shit was. Not until we started having families. Lots of the guys couldn’t have kids, or their kids were sick, or they started getting cancer. I knew about it but I didn’t tell my wife. I kept that from her. And then by some miracle we had our little girl. But because of what I did in the war… cancer got her too. I didn’t just lose Sara… I lost my wife, too. After Sara died, I–– I wasn’t a good person, Will. I wasn’t there. I felt like everything I touched, everything I loved just went to shit… like I was cursed.”

“I had no idea.” Will felt like nothing he could say would ever be adequate enough to express his sorrow for Hopper’s loss, for his pain.

“But you? You didn’t do shit to deserve what you’ve been through. You might feel like you’re cursed, but know that it’s not ‘cause of anything you did, Will.”

Will tried to stifle the tears. He didn’t want to keep crying, especially not in front of Hopper. He wanted to be strong, to prove he could man up, even if he was gay.

“You’re wrong, Hop.”

“Kid?” He was taken aback, almost angry that Will would challenge his opinion.

“You’re wrong. I’ve done things , thought things, felt things. I’m not good. I’m not normal.”

His eyes darted to the window, watching the trees go by in the distance. It wasn’t too much longer until they’d be home and he could retreat to his room. He craved the solitude, but he craved comfort more. He craved truth. Jim was being so candid with him and he was being evasive, untrusting. Hopper didn’t deserve that.

“What are you talking about, Will? I’m trying to understand, but you’ve gotta help me, okay? Whatever it is, I'm not gonna be upset with you. I’m not––”

“Lonnie?” Will felt like there was a giant lump in his throat, he was afraid to even speak and even more afraid at the implications he was hinting at.

“That’s not what I was gonna say, but yeah. I’m not Lonnie. I’m not gonna talk down to you or hurt you. I put your dad in the drunk tank more times than I can count. I know the kind of man he is and I promise you that I would never do the shit he did. Not ever.”

Will was overcome with emotion. He didn’t feel like he deserved the kindness, the honesty. He was constantly expecting everyone who supposedly loved him to leave and hate him when they learned what he really was. So far none of his fears had come true, but that didn’t erase the chance that someone might just react that way. Will was terrified of that chance and afraid that the truth would put a wedge between Hopper and his mom, that if Hopper didn’t accept him that his mom would be all alone again. She was finally happy and loved and his honesty could destroy that. Yet, the way that Hopper spoke to him, the fact that he was even entertaining Will’s questions and feelings, it gave him hope.

“I know you’re not like Lonnie. I’m glad you’re not. Mom deserves that… He was a shit dad. He wasn’t good to us. You’re good to us, though. Mom loves you and– and so do we. And I know you love mom. You–– you care about me and Jonathan. Lonnie certainly didn’t.”

Hopper put a hand on Will’s shoulder and squeezed it. It made Will want to flinch, but he caught himself before he could potentially hurt his step-dad’s feelings.

“Will.” Hopper took on a much softer tone. “You don’t have to––”

“Lonnie, he used to say things about me… to me.” Will's lower lip quivered, he was unsure if this was the right decision, but he was doing it anyway. “And they were true, Hop. I didn’t want them to be, I tried so hard to be what he wanted for a long time. But I realized no matter how hard I try I’d never be good enough.”

Will gripped the dashboard, fingers turning white as he pressed. The tension, the fear–– they were eating him up inside and he couldn’t take it anymore. Hopper was the last one, the last person on his list that he’d intended on telling. He even contemplated never telling him, but Will was just so overwhelmed and tired of hiding everything–– especially when he now had people constantly reassuring him they cared about him. It was almost too much.

“You asked if Mike said something to me. Before…. Asked if something happened.”

“I did.”

“Something did happen. But it wasn’t Mike’s fault, he didn’t do anything. I did.”

Hopper sighed.

“I’m not sure I’m following.”

“I– I told him how I felt… I told him the truth.”

“The truth, huh?” The chief flicked the turn signal, they were almost home.

Will’s heart started pounding in his chest, he could feel the blood rushing in his ears. His palms were sweating and his throat felt tight.

“I wanna tell you too… I want to be honest with you. I just–– I don’t want to hurt my mom, I don’t want you to leave her because of me.” He hiccuped.

“Kid, what the hell are you talking about? I’m not gonna leave your mom. Nothing you could say would change how I feel about this family.” 

 They were now pulling into the driveway, gravel and ice crunching under tires. Hopper put the car in park and turned towards his step-son, a stern and sincere look in his eyes.

“I want you to know that. Your family, this family, is the best thing that’s happened to me since the day my little girl was born. Do you understand that?”

Will wrapped his arms around himself, trying to find his courage.

“You’d still feel that way even if I told you I was gay?” He started sobbing again. “I told Mike this afternoon… and no, he didn’t say anything or do anything, Hopper, please don’t threaten him okay? I–– didn’t want to know how he felt about it, so I just ran. I probably ruined everything just like I am right now.” 

The car was utterly silent after that. For several moments Jim Hopper simply sat there, hands folded over the steering wheel, and stared in the direction of the house. 

“ You really think I’d leave your mom because you’re gay, Will?” His tone was hard to read.

Will tried to swallow down the ever present lump in his throat.

“I–I don’t know… I’m not normal. That’s not something someone can be proud of. Lonnie sure isn’t. He’s known. He’s always known and I know it’s one of the reasons my mom kicked him out. Being queer … no one wants a queer for a son, Hopper. No one. ”

Jim dragged his hand through his hair, shook his head, and sighed. 

“Will, stop calling me Hopper. You can call me dad. I’d be proud to be your dad, to call you my kid.”

Will gasped.

“W-what?”

“You’re my kid. Just as much as Sara, just as much as El. I meant what I said. I’d be proud to be your dad. You’re a great kid, Will. Anyone who can’t see that, well, they’re not worth shit.”

Hopper leaned over the center console and pulled Will into a tight bear hug. Will was hesitant for a moment before hugging him back, as tight as he possibly could. He sobbed into his step-dad’s shirt. They were tears of relief, tears of joy. He was loved. He was accepted. Will pulled away from Jim and looked him in the eye. He wiped away his tears and smiled softly, genuinely.

“T-thanks… dad.”

“I love you, son. ” Hopper smiled back, ruffling his hair. “Don’t forget that.”

Chapter Text

Mike wanted to reach out. When Will handed him his gift, when he wished him a Merry Christmas in that soft, somber voice–– Mike wished he could put the world on hold. He wanted to take Will’s hand in his and lace their fingers together, tethering them to each other–– instead he watched Will walk away. He let Will walk out alone into dusk, despite all the past patterns that screamed letting Will go would spell out disaster. And just like that there was nothing he could do. Will was gone and Mike felt like it was all his fault. He should’ve said something, something other than “I’m sorry.” He should’ve told Will how he felt, but he was too ashamed, too afraid. Will, unlike Mike, was brave enough to confess his feelings. Mike knew his best friend would disagree, that Will would protest and claim he was a coward, but Mike knew the truth. Will Byers was incredibly brave.

Part of Mike didn’t want to believe what Will told him, not because it made him uncomfortable but because it fed into his own fears about his love for Will. He kept trying to conjure every possible connotation the word love might have and forced it to fit Will’s declaration. Will is in love with you–– he’s in love with our friendship. Will’s in love with you–– he cares about you so much, like a brother… Will is in love with you–– he’s in love with the idea of you, not the real you. He must have some idealized version of you and that’s what he’s in love with. Not YOU. Mike felt sick. If Will was in love with him it wasn’t fair–– not to Will. He deserved someone better, someone who was always there for him and didn’t forget about him when they were 14 and 15 years old and caught up in the excitement of dating El and being normal. Will Byers deserved the world and Mike didn’t feel like he himself was worthy of love that deep, that absolute. 

Mike sat in his basement, a neatly wrapped present carefully laid in his lap. He let himself sit in the dim light, afraid of anything brighter. It was almost symbolic. He was so overwhelmed and confused by everything that happened between him and Will a few hours ago, all he wanted to do was cry. But he couldn’t. Instead he felt almost numb, like everything said between them was a scene from a movie or maybe someone else’s life that he happened to catch a glimpse of. It couldn’t have happened to him. It was impossible. I can’t stop being in love with you . Will’s words replayed in his mind like a broken record. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. 

    Mike looked down at the wrapping paper–– rows of jolly little snowmen holding candy canes and wearing hats and mittens. Kitchy, but certainly festive. He picked up the package, feeling the weight of it in his hands and turning it idly. He smiled softly to himself. Will was always so thoughtful when it came to gifts, he always made sure it was special and meaningful. Mike remembered many of them fondly–– drawings of the party as Star Wars characters, pictures he drew of memorable moments from their campaigns, drawings of everyone’s favorite superheroes. Will always remembered everyone’s interests, their favorite things. It made warmth spread in Mike’s chest as he thought about all the ways in which Will was so kind to him, no matter what.

    He was almost afraid to open it. He feared how he might feel knowing that whatever Will made was driven by love for him . He wondered if he’d be able to see it, to see just how deep that love was, if it would stir the same feelings in him that he’d been trying to ignore. As he held onto the gift, he thought about all the times he so desperately wanted to call Will while he was in Boston, to be honest with him. When Mike was in his darkest places, when he was most depressed and alone all he wanted was Will. He had wanted so badly for Will to hold him, to reassure him, and tell him he mattered. But calling him, asking for comfort, that would confirm what Mike didn’t want to be true. He loved Will Byers–– the same way he used to love El, or at least the way he thought he used to. 

    His fingers traced the seam where the tape held the paper in place. Mike took a deep, shaky breath and began to carefully tear and lift the edges. He was worried that if he didn’t handle it with the utmost care that he’d somehow ruin whatever was inside, just like he’d been ruining their relationship. He kept thinking, kept wishing that he’d been able to say something to his best friend other than “I’m sorry you’re in love with me.” He felt so stupid. He knew he likely hurt Will, that he made him feel unwanted. The truth was Mike did want him. The second Will confessed his feelings and Mike processed the words he had wanted to leap off the swing and pull Will in to kiss him. He wanted to show him he felt the same because words were too hard to muster. Instead, Mike had just sat there and apologized. He let Will go.

    Mike took a deep breath as he removed the last of the paper. He let out a small gasp and his eyes widened, taking in the sight before him. In his hands was a hand drawn comic book. The cover alone was incredible. Mike’s eyes studied the fine details. Will had drawn their party surrounding Lolth the Spider Queen, ready to fight to the death in a dungeon. Eddie’s campaign–– their last campaign. Graphic lettering graced the front, Trials of The Underdark . His face softened, he felt a fondness settle in every inch of him. He traced the letters with his fingers, grazing carefully over them and traveling with his touch over the player characters. This was so beautiful and he hadn’t even looked inside yet. 

    He carefully flipped to the first page, Mike felt an involuntary wetness building in his eyes as he examined each panel. He couldn’t quite place the feeling behind the building tears, whether it was pride, appreciation, or fondness–– he just knew he felt it intensely. He marveled at the art. Will had always been a good artist, but this was beyond anything Mike had seen him create before. Will had drawn their final battle. It was so detailed and colorful, expertly capturing the mood of their campaign. He smiled softly to himself as he took everything in. He remembered how the fight started with an ambush in a temple in the depths of the underdark. Dustin was almost immediately grappled by a giant spider and dragged off into the darkness. It was Will and Lucas’s quick thinking that saved them–– Will cast sunray to illuminate the space, blinding the spiders and Lucas let loose his arrows, wounding them while vulnerable.

    Panel after panel, page after page, expressed the same attention to detail, the same dynamic style and attention. Mike was in awe, it was as though he was experiencing everything for the first time again. He noticed a pattern, too–– one that had been in their games for as long as he could remember, but it wasn’t until he saw it sketched out before him that he realized. Will the Wise was always near Sir Mike. In their marching order when exploring dungeons, in their spacing during combat, Will had always made sure his cleric was near Mike, ready to help him should he fall. Mike felt tears well up, even more than they had before. He laughed wetly at the realization. This too was a confession from Will, just like his painting, just like on the swings. You’re the heart Mike. Mike wasn’t the heart of the party… he was Will’s heart.

    Mike dabbed the wetness from his eyes, careful not to let any tears fall onto the pages for fear of ruining Will’s beautiful work. He continued reading, looking at the story unfolding. There the party was, fighting the terrifyingly powerful goddess, their last stand. While Will had drawn all of them in battle, he had chosen to highlight one, very specific moment in particular. Mike felt like he couldn’t breathe, his chest swarmed with butterflies and the tears he had been so desperately trying to stave off finally burst free. Will had drawn the moment his cleric went down–– when he barely had any health, on the brink of death. Mike remembered how on instinct he immediately had his paladin step between Will and the Queen of Spiders, proclaiming he would be the one to smite her if she killed Will. Suddenly it hit him, he finally understood what Will meant in the van four years ago. Without Mike, Will would fall apart. 

“Fuck.” 

    He placed the comic to the side of him and just let himself cry. He leaned back against the couch and pressed his hands over his eyes and tried to breathe, tried to really deeply breathe. How could he have been such an idiot? It was right there the whole time and he was so caught up in his own bullshit that he had, in fact, lost Will. No, Will had lost him . He groaned and pressed his hands even harder. He had to fix this. He had to tell Will how he felt, he just didn’t know how. He didn’t think he had the strength to be that vulnerable, to accept the thing about himself that made him so deeply uncomfortable. If Will could do it–– if Will could admit that he was gay, that he had feelings for him, then maybe Mike could too. All he had to do was get over his fear.

“Mike?” Nancy called from the top of the stairs. “Are you down here?”

    A sudden sinking feeling gripped him. Mike’s heart dropped into his stomach and he felt utterly paralyzed. He just wanted to be alone, to figure this out. He didn’t want anyone to see him actively falling apart, especially not his sister. They used to be close when they were kids. But when she started high school, that bond frayed. He didn’t want to admit that it hurt, that he was devastated that Nancy didn’t want to hang out with him anymore. He remembered how he started to act like he didn’t like her, how he tried to force everyone else to believe that he thought she was an annoying overachiever. But he never really believed that, not to the extent that he projected at least. Things got a little better after all of the stuff with the upside down, but it was less that he was close with her again and more that she was extremely protective. Part of him wanted to fix that, too. Mike was realizing he had a lot of relationships he needed to repair.  

He wiped his eyes and took a breath. He hoped Nancy wouldn’t be able to tell he’d been crying.

“Yeah, I’m here.” He called, unsure of what to expect.

Nancy’s footsteps drew closer, percussive beats trailing down the stairs in quick succession. When Nancy reached the bottom step she caught her brother in her sights, a soft yet concerned look on her face. That look made Mike want to sink into the couch until it swallowed him whole. That look told him that Nancy wanted to talk. Why, he wasn’t sure, seeing as their relationship was strained lately and had been for quite some time. He clenched his jaw and looked towards the ground, taking a deep inhale before hunching forward. Every movement he made, his entire body language told Nancy that he was hurting. He resented that.

“Mind if I sit?” She approached the sofa.

    Mike didn’t say a word, he didn’t nod or make any attempt to acknowledge the request. He just wanted to shut down and he hoped his silence would tell her to go away, but it didn’t. Nancy sat beside him, lowering herself gently, almost as if she was afraid he’d run off like a frightened animal. Mike felt pathetic. He felt her hand come to rest on his shoulder, her touch cautious and gentle. She took a deep breath, a sign that she wanted to say something, to get through to him. He didn’t know when Nancy got so goddamn concerned with his life and his feelings, but he wished she’d go back to thinking he was annoying. He really didn’t want to talk. Mike was terrified of vulnerability.

“How are you?” They were off to a stiff and awkward start.

“Fine.” Mike said flatly.

Nancy nudged her brother’s knee with her’s, trying to get his attention. Mike sighed, rolling his eyes and turned towards her, a clear expression of agitation overtaking his features.

“What?” He huffed.

“I thought you might want this… or need it.” Nancy held out a beer.

Mike stared at her for a moment, skeptical of her motives.

“Why? Why do you care?” He scoffed.

“Mike,” Her eyes held a sadness within them that he knew was meant for him. He didn’t want Nancy’s pity. “I’m your sister.”

“Like that matters.”

“It does matter, Mike. I care, okay?”

Mike swallowed thickly, he wasn’t sure how to interpret this interaction. He didn’t want her to pry answers from him, but he knew deep down that this was finally the inevitable confrontation–– Mike knew his sister. Nancy was cunning, observant, and shrewd. He knew she knew he was going through a lot and once Nancy caught wind of something compelling or concerning, she followed that lead no matter what.

“Thanks.” He mumbled, accepting the beer and cracking it open, taking a large gulp.

They sat in silence for a while. Mike preferred it that way, but he knew Nancy wouldn’t let it linger much longer. Of course she broke it with a topic he wanted to run far away from.

“How did things go with Will?” 

Mike felt his heart race, breath catching in his throat as he registered the question.

“How did you know I was with Will? I never told you we were hanging out today.”

“Jonathan told me…” Nancy said sheepishly.

“Of course he did.” Mike took another generous swig of beer. If they were doing this, he needed to drink.

“Mike… come on, don’t be like that.”

“Like what, Nancy? An asshole? I know you think I’ve been acting like a piece of shit, okay? I’m not totally oblivious.”

He watched her out of the corner of his eye, trying to analyze her body language. Unlike him, Nancy was good at disguising her discomfort. Sometimes he wished he’d inherited some of that, too. He observed her take a drink of her own. Maybe she was nervous, maybe she was just trying to make him feel less pathetic.

“No, Mike. Don’t act like I can’t know things about you, like I’m not allowed to be involved in your life. We used to talk to each other. I guess I miss that.” 

“Really? Last time I checked you thought I was annoying and wanted nothing to do with me.”

“That was four years ago!” She scoffed. “I was in high school. Don’t let this go to your head, but I was being an idiot and thought I was too cool to hang out with you. It was bullshit.”

“Is that an apology?” He laughed weakly. “You’re actually admitting you were wrong ?” 

“Yes. It was wrong of me to ignore you, Mike. There was so much shit that happened back then and I should’ve been there for you. You were going through so much and… I should’ve been a better sister. I know you’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but I’m seriously worried about you. Mom too. Don’t lie to me and tell me you’re okay because I know you’re not.”

Nancy sighed and attempted to reach out to him, to place her hand on his, but he jerked away from her touch. He didn’t want to let her in.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I meant what I said… you know, a few years back. No more secrets.”

“Do you want me to tell you that I’m depressed? That I’ve been fucking miserable and I feel like everything in my life is going to shit? Is that the answer you’re looking for? I think it’s pretty damn obvious at this point.” Mike cradled his head in his hands.

“Was it that bad? With Will I mean.” 

Mike turned away from her. He didn’t want her to see his face. He was worried it would show everything he was thinking, everything he was feeling. He was angry at himself. He was mortified about his own feelings for Will and ashamed of how he let things play out–– not just today, but for the past few years.

“What makes you think this has anything to do with Will?” He couldn’t help the way his voice sounded strained as he uttered the name of the boy he was hopelessly in love with.

“Just a hunch.”

“Yeah, well, you ever think your facts are wrong or whatever? Or do you always need to be right about everything?”

Nancy scrunched her eyes shut, trying to muster up the strength and patience to be supportive. Mike’s moods lately weren’t the easiest thing to tolerate and despite how badly she wanted to help him she was growing tired of him shutting her out.

“I don’t need to be right about everything …” She exhaled through her nose, suppressing her frustration with a tight lipped smile.

Mike leaned back against the couch and rolled his eyes, letting out a deep sigh.

“Okay, sure, whatever. Just admit you like being right.” 

“Okay, so I like being right.” She humored him. “That doesn’t have anything to do with this, though. It’s not about being right, Mike. This is about you. This is me trying to be here for you . You’re my little brother and I–– I love you.” 

I love you. The only Wheeler that uttered that sentence on a regular basis was their mother, and only in relation to her children. Mike and Nancy never heard their parents tell each other they loved one another, Ted never said he loved them–– though Karen insisted it was implied, and Mike couldn’t remember the last time he and Nancy had said ‘I love you’ to each other. It made Mike emotional. He didn’t want it to show, but he heard those words so rarely that it almost hurt to have them directed at him. 

These admissions and declarations of love, they were doing something to him. They brought back that feeling of deep inadequacy. Sure, people might care about him, but he didn’t feel like it was justified. Years of being told he was ugly, that he was a loser, years of hearing negative conversations about anyone who was different–– they all told Mike he didn’t deserve to be cared about. No matter who the words came from, it felt like a joke. Every time El used to say she loved him it made him uncomfortable, not because he didn’t believe it–– he knew she loved him–– he just didn’t think he deserved to be loved. And Mike, he could never bring himself to say ‘I love you’ back, even if he did love El. He was never sure exactly what that meant though.

Then there was Will. Will was different. He had expressed in a multitude of ways, throughout the course of their friendship, that he loved Mike. He didn’t always say it with words. Sometimes he showed it with gifts, other times encouraging smiles or excited laughter, though mostly Mike could just feel it. He never doubted for a second that Will was his best friend, that he genuinely wanted to be around him. It was only in the last few years that Will had started to pull away and now Mike knew why. If Mike was afraid of his own feelings and had only just come to understand them, how must Will have felt all these years? Mike wasn’t the one who got called a fairy or queer, Will was and now it was obvious how deeply he’d internalized that message. 

Mike recalled how when the party all started dating, Will withdrew. He stopped being as affectionate, stopped hugging his friends as much, stopped holding their hands when he was scared, and stopped sleeping in Mike’s bed when they had sleepovers. It all made sense now. When they were kids, Will had no problem showing his friends he loved them, but once they matured it was like Will disappeared all over again. It made Mike’s chest ache. Will must’ve been so scared . He must’ve hated himself. At least that’s how Mike felt right now–– it would make sense with all the shit people said about Will that he would too. So today, when Will confessed his feelings for him, it was one of the bravest things he could possibly do. Will had no idea how Mike felt. He had no idea if telling Mike he was in love with him would end in disaster. Yet he did it anyway, despite the risk.  

Mike felt unwanted tears begin to roll down his cheeks. He tried to suppress them, to force his body to stop shaking, but he was powerless to stop the wave of emotion. He was supposed to be strong. He’d only cried like this a few times in his life and all of them were justified, all of them made sense–– even if he was supposed to “act like a man.” When he thought Will died, when El came back and his anger at Hopper boiled over, when El was in danger and almost died. Those were times where it was acceptable to cry. But this? Breaking down because he was scared and confused and depressed? Boys–– Men, aren’t supposed to cry about those things. 

“Mike…” Nancy squeezed his forearm.

He took a shaky breath and stared into his lap.

“What if I don’t want you to be?” He felt his face contort.

“What if you don’t want me to be what?”

He could feel his sister lean in, trying to comfort him, but he didn’t feel like he deserved it.

“What if I don’t want you to be there for me?” 

“Really, Mike? That’s not fair… you don’t get to choose who cares about you.”

He drew his lips into a thin line and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Yeah, well I wish I could.”

“Let me guess,” Nancy huffed. “You just want to be alone and think that you deserve it.”

Mike didn’t say a word he just sat there, eyes fixed on his lap as he continued to quietly cry. 

“I’ve seen you, Mike! You’re pulling away from everyone. You don’t even talk to your friends. It’s like you became a different person once you came to Boston. You broke up with El and now you’re fighting with Will? I just want to help. It hurts to see you so miserable. That’s not the Mike I know, that’s not my brother.”

He laughed in disbelief. 

“Mike, please. I’m serious. I’m scared, okay?  I don’t want to lose you…” Mike swore he could hear her voice waver.

He whipped his head to face her, doing a double take. His brows knit with concern. Shit, she’s serious.

“Nancy… you’re not gonna lose me.” He didn’t sound too convincing.

“Whatever it is, whatever’s going on with you, I want you to know I’m here and I’m sorry I haven’t always been here when you needed me. But I’m here now…” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.

    Mike stared at her, the concern in her eyes guilting him into being vulnerable. For a long time he’d convinced himself his sister didn’t actually give a shit about him, but here she was, admitting she had messed up. Nancy almost never admitted she made mistakes, at least not to Mike.

“Mike, it’s okay.”

Those words pushed him over the edge, they made his head spin. 

“Nothing about this is okay!” His whole body was shaking, tears stinging his eyes as he thought about how she would take back everything she said if she knew the truth.

She pulled him into a tight, unexpected hug, just holding him as he cried. He knew Nancy was probably just as uncomfortable as he was, but it didn’t matter right now. He hadn’t realized just how much he wanted someone to do this, how much he wanted to be comforted and told everything would be okay–– even if it was a lie.

“I could see, Mike. Ever since you moved up to school, something was wrong. I–– I didn’t want to force you to talk about it, I didn’t want to make you feel like you couldn’t be independent. But maybe I messed up by not checking on you… I should’ve asked you about it, I should’ve––”

“Nancy, stop.” His voice was gravely and quiet. 

“Then talk to me, tell me what’s going on. Better me than mom and dad.” She smiled weakly at him. It was weird seeing her armor fall away, it didn’t happen often. “You and El…is this about the break up?”

He pulled away from his sister’s embrace, wiping his nose on his sleeve, earning a disgusted look from her. It made him smile for a moment, a brief moment of levity before everything went to shit again.

“El? No, not really. Things were okay until I ruined them. She deserves better than me.” Mike shifted uncomfortably. 

“What makes you think you ruined them?”

“I don’t think. I know .”

Nancy looked at him expectantly, ready to take in whatever he had to say.

“I hurt her.” He looked to where he’d placed Will’s comic. “I led El on and I didn’t even realize I was doing it…”

Nancy eyed him, confused. She didn’t quite grasp what he was saying.

“Mike, I don’t understand. You led her on? I thought you were pretty much obsessed with her.”

 He groaned, frustrated and distraught. He didn’t want to tell Nancy the truth, he wanted to hide behind the guise of normalcy and act like he was just young and stupid and made bad decisions, not that he was a disgusting freak who’d been subconsciously using the platonic love he had for his ex-girlfriend to ignore reality. He was angry, mostly at himself, but also the way everything had panned out. He didn’t know why he lied to El, why he couldn’t just tell her the truth. In all the years he’d known her, not once had she shunned anyone for being different. He remembered what he told Will all those years ago: El would understand. But this wasn’t about someone else, this was about him and his true feelings, they would hurt El. By realizing he was in love with his best friend he was simultaneously hurting both of them.

“Will was right. I’m destroying everything. Mike felt his shoulders shake, more tears accompanying his distress.

Nancy did a double take, shocked that quiet, kind Will Byers would say something like that.

“Did he tell you that? Did he say that to you today?” She almost sounded angry.

Mike’s eyes caught the comic book once more, trying in vain to ignore all of the ways in which he’d devastated his best friend.

“Not today. But he said it–– a long time ago. He was right. I’ve been a jerk. I’m a bad boyfriend, a shitty best friend. I–– I pushed El away and I’ve been pushing Will away, too. I don’t want to, Nancy. I don’t want to lose them, but it feels easier I guess… to just make them hate me.”

He swallowed hard, feeling a deep ache in his chest as he thought about how he’d fucked things up.

“Mike.” She squeezed his shoulder. “I–– I don’t think either of them hate you, could hate you. Will’s been your friend since kindergarten, that’s too long to just stop talking to someone. And sure getting broken up with sucks, but El’s strong and independent. She’ll be okay. And it seems like she still wants you around.” 

Mike looked at Nancy, his eyes swimming with hope.

“Yeah?”

“I saw El today when I was with Jonathan.” Nancy smiled. “She asked about you–– if you were okay. She cares about you, Mike and I don’t think that will change if you tell her what you’re telling me. Does she know how you’ve been feeling?”

“Not exactly…” He finished off the last dregs of beer. “Neither does Will.”

He could feel Nancy’s eyes on him, analyzing him with suspicion. Whether that was good or bad had yet to be revealed.

“I take it I don’t know either…” 

“What?” A sense of panic rose within him as he grasped where she was going. 

“Will and El aren’t the only ones you’re keeping in the dark, Mike.” She folded her arms. “You don’t want me to know either. I get it, talking about your feelings is uncomfortable, but I’m your sister. I’m supposed to be there for you and protect you and love you. I’m trying to do that. So just let me, okay?” 

Mike clenched his hands into fists. He wanted to scream. He wanted to throw up and cry and punch something. No one, absolutely no one, knew how he really felt and he would sooner die than tell someone. But it was destroying him inside. It was destroying him that Will was in love with him and he was too terrified of letting him, that he was afraid to be honest. Mike didn’t want to accept that he was queer. For so long he had tried to be a normal kid, hell he didn’t even know he wasn’t normal–– though something deep inside him always knew he was different. Now it was all coming to a head.

“You can’t.” He started hyperventilating. “You can’t protect me from myself , Nancy.” 

He tried to get up, he felt like all the oxygen had left the room. Mike was light headed and his vision was spotty and clouded by tears. He needed to leave, but he couldn’t. As he attempted to get off the couch, Nancy grabbed him by the wrist.

“Mike! Stop. Please, please just…” She started sobbing. It broke Mike’s heart. 

His knees buckled beneath him and he sank back down next to her, matching her ragged breaths and wide eyes.

“I’m scared, Nancy.” He whispered.

“It’s okay. I promise, it’ll be okay.”

“You don’t know that.” 

Their voices were both incredibly quiet. They were sharing secrets, a constantly aware that anything said could be heard by the wrong person.

“You’re right. I don’t know that. But I do know that whatever you say, we’ll be okay. I promise.”

Mike sighed, fear thrumming through every inch of him. He thought carefully for several moments, about whether or not he could trust her. His eyes darted back to his Christmas present sitting just inches away to his right. He picked it up, turning it over to where he’d left it open, the page where Sir Mike defended Will the Wise from Lolth the Spider Queen. Will was vulnerable, Will was honest. Mike wished he could be honest too. For so long he felt like a giant joke. He breathed in deep, letting the air fully fill his chest as he gathered the courage to finally ask for help. Mike was lost and afraid and he didn’t want to admit that he needed Nancy, but he absolutely did, more than he’d ever let on.

“Nancy?” He looked at his sister, eyes red and puffy from crying. 

She smiled at him softly, though worry was still etched on her brow.

“It’s okay, Mike.”

He nodded weakly. 

“It doesn’t feel okay. None of this does. I– I feel like everything is going to shit. And it’s so stupid because everything with the mindflayer and Vecna and the upside down–– I’ve been scared before. I can admit that. It’s okay to be afraid of monsters and losing people and a giant fucking gate to another dimension. But how I feel right now… that’s not okay. It’s not normal.”

“Hey,” Her voice was stern. “What I learned in mandatory psych 101, and what Robin loves to tell me about her thesis, is that depression is like that, Mike. It doesn’t always make sense, it doesn’t feel normal. You don’t need a reason to be depressed, you don’t have to find a justification. I know it’s scary, and you don’t have to go through it alone.”

“But there is a reason.” The room suddenly felt like it was closing in, like there was a severe lack of oxygen and it made Mike feel dizzy. “I’m a liar, Nancy. I keep hurting people and pushing them away because they wouldn’t like the truth. I don’t like the truth.”

He looked back at the comic book, hoping that each time he caught a glimpse it might give him a little more strength. Will might think he’d fall apart without him, but Mike needed Will too. He always needed him.

“Sometimes, honesty is scary. Sometimes facing the truth feels way more terrifying than actual monsters.” Nancy sighed. “It was easier to go sleuthing around to try and expose Hawkins lab than it was to admit that I wasn’t in love with Steve. It was easier for me to pick up a gun and shoot a demogorgon than to admit I felt like it was my fault that Barb died… My point is, Mike, that sometimes everyday things are more terrifying because they’re always there.”

Mike looked up at his sister, confusion and concern swimming behind his eyes.

“You never told me you felt like that–– about Barb.”

“I didn’t tell anyone other than Jonathan and Steve. I felt like it was too heavy to share with you, Mike. You were 12.”

He half smiled in acknowledgement, though it wasn’t a genuine smile. Mike still felt so incredibly low, like he was drowning despite the life line Nancy was throwing him, he was floundering just out of reach. 

“You’re right.” He finally exhaled. “Ever since I left Hawkins, I feel like I’ve been losing my fucking mind. Being away, not being with the party, with El, with Will … I had space to exist without them and realized I wasn’t who I thought I was.”

“That– that had to be scary.” Nancy tried to show him she was fully listening and ready to help him through whatever was eating away at him.

“No shit.” He laughed. “It scared the hell out of me the minute I realized I wasn’t in love with El anymore.” Tears welled up in his eyes again.

“I’m so sorry, Mike. Stuff like that can be really painful.”

“Yeah. It was painful–– it was painful because I realized I was in love with someone else.”

All the color drained from Mike’s face, he felt like he might pass out. Everything within him screamed to shut up, but he was so distressed that he almost didn’t care. He’d been keeping this in for months, he’d had absolutely no one to talk to–– or at least he felt like he had no one. He was so exhausted and in emotional pain and he just wanted release. He needed it like a good cry you have in secret after an entirely overwhelming day.

“You’re in love with someone else?” Nancy’s eyebrows shot up, amused confusion lurking just under the ever present concern.

“I– I don’t want to be, Nancy. I’ve tried so fucking hard to stop feeling this way. It feels awful. I’m supposed to be in love with El.”

Mike felt his whole body shaking. His chest heaved as he began to understand that he couldn’t keep running away and slamming doors in people’s faces. He had to let someone in. He just wished he would’ve been brave enough to have been honest with El from the start. Maybe he hurt her worse by lying, maybe the vagueness was far more confusing and painful than concrete provable fact. But he hadn’t wanted proof of his feelings, he had been content to keep them locked away forever and just be miserable. He was fine with that, until this afternoon when Will confessed his love for him. He swallowed hard as he tried to find the right words, as he tried to find the courage to be honest with Nancy. She was a start. Maybe after her, he could do it again, with the right people–– the people who deserved it in the first place.

“I should be in love with El. She’s amazing. She’s one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met, but once I had time away from her… fuck!” He yelled, a mix of anger and fear. “I– I don’t wanna be in love with him , Nancy. I don’t wanna be in love with Will, but I can’t stop and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I just feel so lost and fucked up and I know I’m not normal. I’m not supposed to be in love with a guy . It’s messed up, it’s wrong, but no matter what I do I can’t stop thinking about Will–– how much I love him. What the fuck is wrong with me?” 

Mike buried his head in his hands and sobbed. Finally, finally he’d told someone. It felt like a boulder was lifted off his chest, he could breathe again.

    Soon he felt Nancy pulling him into a tight hug. She refused to let him go, holding him close as he cried.

“It’s okay, Mike.” She whispered. “Nothing is wrong with you, okay? Nothing .”

“Yes it is.” He hiccupped. “I’m not supposed to want to be with Will.”

“Fuck that. That’s bullshit, Mike. That’s bullshit . There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“You don’t think I’m a horrible person?” He tried to pull away.

“What? No!” She pulled him back in. “Of course I don’t.”

“You don’t think it’s fucked up that I like Will?” 

“Mike…” She sighed. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I’m doing it anyway because I want you to understand something, okay?”

He nodded.

“There is nothing wrong with being gay or a lesbian or bisexual––”

“Bisexual?” He pulled away, looking at his sister in confusion.

“Oh, you’re kidding me. You really are clueless.” She laughed. “Bisexual–– someone who is attracted to men and women.”

Mike looked at Nancy with wide, stunned eyes.

“That’s a thing? You can do that? You can like both?!”

“Yes, Mike! You can like both. Why? Is that how you feel?” She prodded.

“Yeah, actually.” He smiled at her. “I– I thought I was the only fucking person in the world who felt like this.”

“Well,” She squeezed his shoulder. “You’re not. One of my closest friend’s girlfriend is bi.” 

“Do I know her?” Mike quirked an eyebrow.

“The girlfriend? No. But you know Robin.” Nancy said nonchalantly. 

“Robin’s a lesbian? Shit… that actually makes a lot of sense.”   

Nancy rolled her eyes before reaching back out to Mike.

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone that, okay? It’s not totally a secret, but it’s not exactly––”

“Safe in Hawkins?” Mike supplied.

“Exactly.”

She pulled him in for another hug. They sat in silence together for a little while longer, acting like thoughtful siblings for the first time in a while. It was nice. Mike missed this, he missed his sister being there for him. He was grateful that she was understanding, that she accepted him. Mike had been so terrified about the possibility of being hated that he never considered he could be loved instead. He didn’t want to admit it, but Nancy was good at listening, it was easier to confide in her than he thought. He used to ask her for help with El from time to time when he was younger and the advice was usually pretty sound. He wondered if it would be stupid to ask her about Will too.

“Nancy?” He broke the silence.

“Yeah?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this either… but today with Will,” Mike felt the words get caught in his throat, he didn’t know how to keep going.

“What about it, Mike?”

He sighed. “He told me he was in love with me.”

“Oh.” Her brows knit together again. “Shit.” 

“I feel like I was hit by a fucking truck. When he told me I– I had no idea what to do so I just sat there like an idiot and told him I was fucking sorry.”

Nancy frowned at him, blue eyes swimming with something Mike couldn’t quite figure out.

“I said: I’m sorry you’re in love with me . What the fuck is wrong with me? I probably made him feel like shit. He poured his fucking heart out and I just acted like an asshole. What the hell am I supposed to do? How do I fix this? What if he thinks I––”

“Mike!” Nancy cut him off. “You have feelings for him, right?”

He nodded sheepishly.

“And he has feelings for you?” 

Once again, Mike nodded.

“So tell him. Tell Will how you feel, Mike. If anyone would understand, it’s Will.”

Mike sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“What if he thinks it’s a joke? What if he thinks I’m making fun of him or something? I– I don’t want to hurt him, Nancy. I feel like all I keep doing is hurting Will.”

“I don’t know what the answer is, Mike. But I think you need to tell Will how you feel in… whatever way feels genuine.”

“Genuine.” He repeated. 

Just like that Mike had an epiphany, the perfect way to express just how much he loved his best friend–– the person he wanted to be more than that. If Will had created something so beautiful for him with a hidden declaration drawn on the pages, Mike could create something, too. 

“Thanks, Nancy. For… you know.” He couldn’t figure out the right words to express his gratitude.

“Any time, Mike….” She hugged him one last time before standing up and making her way up the stairs. “I love you.” She called as she reached the top.

A warmth spread through Mike’s chest. He knew she loved him, but hearing her say it was different, it made him understand that she cared.

“Love you, too!” He called back.

Alone once again, Mike got to work. He fished out the gift he’d been unable to give Will and unwrapped it. He popped the cassette into the 4 track recorder he’d convinced his dad to buy him and grabbed his guitar and notebook. He’d made Will a mixtape for Christmas, but now that felt like a paltry gift in comparison to his best friend’s labor of love. As far as Mike knew, he didn’t have any blank tapes, so he’d just scrap this one and record over it. He picked up his guitar and with his notebook beside him, he began to try out different chords and words. After writing and arranging and rewriting and tuning, Mike felt like he finally had it–– the perfect way to prove to Will that he loved him back. He wrote Will a song.  

Chapter Text

As much as Will didn’t want to talk to Hopper initially, he was glad he did. He didn’t know how much he needed support like that, support from a father. He felt lighter, free . Despite everything he’d been carrying inside all these years, all the pain and heartache that had built up, Will had stayed kind. Will was good . He hated that he needed to be told that, that it took almost everyone in his life reassuring him that there was nothing wrong with him and that no matter what he was a good person, to finally start believing it might be true. There was one person however, that might make those doubts disappear for good and Will had abandoned him because he was afraid of three simple words. Will was terrified that Mike could be the one to rip out all the fresh stitches holding his fragile and tentative self-love together with one sentence: You disgust me.

    The minute Will got home he shucked off his coat and boots and made a bee-line to the fridge. Despite the unexpected bonding with Hopper, with dad , Will was still riddled with guilt and dread. He felt better knowing his family was secure, that who he was had no bearing on their love, but he felt horrible about how he left things with Mike. Will just wanted to drown out all of those feelings, to shut off his brain. Back in New York he’d smoke some weed or hop on 2 train with his friends, drink on Christopher street or go to the Pyramid Club on the East Side. He missed Gina taking him there, showing him new up and coming bands and forcing him to go to watch performance art. It was unlike anything he’d ever done or seen. He remembered her telling him: “ You’ll love it William! It’s a safe haven for freaks, geeks, weirdos, queers, and dreamers to come together.”

    Right now the only safe haven Will had was beer he wasn’t sure he could sneak without his step-dad catching him, old mix tapes, and maybe forcing El to hang out with him if she was home. He sighed as he gripped the fridge handle, turning over his shoulder in search of Hopper. Of course he was already in the recliner, ready to watch Miami Vice reruns. He took a deep breath. He’d rather ask for permission and be denied than incur Hopper’s disappointment after such a heartfelt conversation where they had garnered a sense of mutual respect and understanding.

“Dad?” He wasn’t sure when calling him that would stop feeling weird.

“Uh-huh?” The chief leaned over the back of the chair.

“I–” Will felt a lump forming in his throat, but he pushed on in spite of the anxiety. “I know I’m only 18… and– and you’re a cop and everything. But I was wondering if I could have a beer?” 

“Yeah, why not. You earned it, kid.” 

You earned it . The words settled in his chest, filling him with a sense of validation he wasn’t sure he deserved.

“Th-thanks.” He smiled, despite the fact that Jim couldn’t see him.

“Don’t go too crazy.”

“I won’t!” Will called as he chanced his luck, grabbing two, and darted off down the hall. 

    He was prepared to lock himself in his room and just think, something he was pretty sure was an absolutely terrible idea, but he stopped himself when he heard the faint sounds of Madonna and laughter coming from El’s room. Will wasn’t certain he should be alone right now. He stood there for a moment, listening to the song he vaguely knew:

“Don't go for second best, baby

Put your love to the test

You know, you know you've got to

Make him express how he feels

And maybe then you'll know your love is real…”

Fuck everything. Everything, everywhere, all the time was constantly hounding him with uncomfortable messages of romance and love that he knew would likely never happen for him. Maybe there was a chance, a slim one, but Will didn’t want to settle for the first thing that came along. He couldn’t lie and say he didn’t want the cheesy kind of love Madonna sang about. He knew his love was real , he just wanted it to be reciprocated. The stupid chorus kept repeating, kept making the feelings worse until he couldn’t take it anymore. Will didn’t want to be alone, whether it was friendship or something more, Will desperately wanted to be loved.

“El?” He pounded on her door, praying he didn’t sound as hopeless as he felt.

The volume lowered, Madonna fading and blending into the sound of the door creaking open.

“Come in.” She called.

Will took one final deep breath before pushing past the threshold. Stepping into the warm pink-ish glow his eyes settled on El and Max. They were laying on the floor, pouring over various magazines sprawled across the carpet. Will hadn’t expected to come home to Max, but it certainly wasn’t unwelcome. Maybe finding comfort in both of them was what he needed. He watched them tentatively, afraid to interrupt. Even though he’d been invited in, he still felt like an intruder, like he didn’t belong. He felt the lump rising in his throat again, choking all the words he couldn’t come up with. He was hot under the collar of his sweater despite the comfortable temperature, and was starting to feel like maybe asking to tack himself onto their “girl time” was not the most brotherly thing to do. 

“Um…” Will’s voice was timid. He fidgeted with the strap on his overalls.

Max put down nail polish, closing the bottle and looking up at him. 

“Shit.” She gasped, brows knitting together. “You look miserable.”

Will huffed out an uncomfortable laugh.

“I feel miserable.” He mumbled as he dropped down in front of El’s bed, pulling his knees to his chest.

Both girls began clearing the clutter to make space for him. El waved her hand, sending the magazines into a neat pile off to the side while Max organized colorful little bottles into neat rows.

“What happened?” El studied him, putting her hand on his knee.

Will let out a long, pained exhale. He needed a drink. Thinking about Mike did that to him. Thinking about a lot of things did that to him, but he wasn’t ready to admit that maybe he was developing a problem. In high school, Will had been too afraid to drink, afraid of losing control in ways that reminded him of the mindflayer. And after growing up with Lonnie… well it seemed less than appealing. But once he got to college there were certain things that were just too intense to handle without self medicating. After everything with Vecna ended, Will finally had time to process what happened to him and it was hard to cope with the ever present fear he felt that something might happen again. Most of his new friends drank anyway. Despite his ever lingering fears of turning into his dad if he drank too much, Will popped the tab on his beer and took a long, overzealous swig.

“Woah, Byers! Slow down.” Max put her hand over the lip of the can, forcing Will to lower it. 

“Sorry.” He choked a little as he finally took a breath, a sheepish expression taking root.

    He fidgeted with the tab for a moment before leaning his head back against the bed and scrunching his eyes shut. Rip off the bandaid, get it out. Tell them how much of an idiot you are.

“Mike and I talked today.” He frowned.

Will thought about the pained, confused look on his best friend’s face just after he confessed his feelings. He thought about the way in which reality seemed to shatter just before he ran away like the sorry coward he was. Nothing about today felt good.

“Will,” El tried to get him to look at her. “Are you okay?”

“No.” He took a shaky breath, tears welling up in his eyes as he tried to sneak another sip.

Thankfully Max didn’t try to stop him this time.

“You wanna mope or you wanna talk about it?” She swiped the second beer sitting off to the side and cracked it open. Likely to take away his option of having it later. 

“Neither?” He looked towards the door. “Honestly? I just want to disappear.”

“Do I need to kill Mike?” Max raised a brow.

El’s face took on a horrified expression. She knew it was a joke and that her best friend said it to cheer up her brother, but it still upset her. Despite Mike and El being broken up, Will knew she could never hate him. She was a good person and they’d shared too much together. Even if they weren’t in love anymore, they still loved each other. She opened her mouth to say something, but Will spared her the trouble.

“No. No you don’t need to kill him.” He groaned. “But I think you might have to kill me. ”

“Excuse me?!” 

Both girls looked at him with wide eyed expressions, clearly worried about him.

“I don’t think I can face Mike again. Ever .” Another sip.

“What happened?” El said innocently, bringing a box of tissues close to Will.

“I told him.” He could feel how close he was to crying. He was so goddamn tired of crying. 

“You told Mike you are gay?” El crawled closer.

“Yeah..” He looked at her, internalizing her concerned expression. “I–– I didn’t even mean to. It just sort of happened? He– he was so upset and just miserable and I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t stand seeing him like that. Hurting. So I told him I love him–– I told him I was in love with him.” Will’s voice got continually smaller as he spoke, just as he himself was shrinking. 

He waited with baited breath for his sister and friend to respond. Their silence was maddening. He knew they were processing everything, but the waiting made his anxiety worse. He wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

“You told Wheeler you’re in love with him…” It wasn’t a question.

All Will could do was nod. He was too afraid to speak, too afraid to make everything real again.

“Did…” El looked upset and confused. “Did he say something to hurt you? Was he– did he treat you badly?” She squeezed his hand.

Will sniffled, trying not to cry.

“No. I didn’t even give him the chance really. I told him and I basically just left.”

He felt his gut twist as he thought about the panic he felt in that moment. Now he felt something else, something that made him just as afraid. Regret. Not regret for telling Mike, but regret for leaving. He lamented the not knowing.

“Will.” Max sighed. “You told your oldest, densest friend that you have a crush on him and you just left him there?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Oh my god, you’re just as dumb as Wheeler.” She rolled her eyes.

“I– what?” He felt utterly confused. Max had that effect sometimes.

“You can’t just drop a bomb like that and disappear, Will! That’s kind of messed up.”

His heart stuttered in his chest.

“What else was I supposed to do? Wait for him to tell me he never wanted to see me again? To call me a disgusting fag?” He panted, trying not to start hyperventilating. “I– I wasn’t gonna take that chance. I don’t know what the fuck I would do if that happened, Max!”

“So you didn’t give Mike a chance at all?” El questioned.

Will looked at her, fear and discomfort contorting his features.

“Would you want to tell someone you love the thing you hate most about yourself knowing there’s a pretty good chance they might reject you?” He killed off the last of his beer, a rueful expression replacing the confusion.

“You already told us?” She looked at him with such deep love and compassion.

“And the world didn’t end.” Max added.

Will cradled his head in his hands. He loved them, both of them, so very dearly, but he was positive neither of them were grasping just how dire and upsetting this was for him. The years of terror and disgust at his own feelings were all simultaneously haunting him and exorcising themselves with each person he confided in. Mike was different. Telling Mike invited in more ghosts, more disturbing memories and feelings that Will had tried to divorce himself from for years. 

It started slowly, not long after he first realized he liked boys. He began to pull away from his friends, to fade into the background and be someone else. He had tried to pretend he was someone who hated hugging his friends, who hated hugging Mike . He tried to become someone brave who didn’t need physical contact when he was scared. He tried not to act gay, to think or say anything that might hint to anyone truly paying attention that he was attracted to men. Sure the world didn’t end when he came out to everyone else, but Mike might just be the exception. Will couldn’t help but fear his best friend putting two and two together for the past four and a half years. 

Every glance he stole, every subtle touch or hitched breath–– Will feared that Mike would be able to tell. He spent so many sleepless nights sobbing and berating himself because he couldn’t stop wishing he was El. He couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel to kiss a boy, to kiss Mike. He wished he wasn’t attracted to the boys on the basketball team and hated how his stomach and chest swarmed with butterflies when he saw them shirtless. It made him sick that he couldn’t find Phoebe Cates or Princess Leia attractive and instead thought about Han Solo and Matt Dillon and Morrissey. He wished that he didn’t notice Mike’s smile, his hands, his eyes. He didn’t want to think about any of it. He spent so many nights trying to will himself to be normal because his own thoughts repulsed him. For years he tried to hide it and stuff it all down, but today he told Mike.

“You–you don’t understand.” The first of many tears came free. “I don’t think I could deal with Mike hating me. Who I am. I don’t think I could… I think it would kill me.” God he wanted a cigarette.

“Will,” His sister put her hands gently on his shoulder and searched his eyes. “I know Mike. Mike is a good friend. He cares about you so much. When you went missing he never stopped believing that you were alive. He never stopped looking for you. Just like Joyce.” 

Will wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and looked at her expectantly.

“You are his best friend and I know he loves you.” She smiled. “I– I didn’t know what those words meant… fairy and queer and––”

“El,” Will swallowed hard. “You don’t have to.”

“No, Will. You need to know how much Mike cares about you.” She squeezed his bicep. “When you went missing… those mouth breathers, they said things about you that I didn’t understand then. But I do now. But I think Mike, Mike understood. He knew what they meant and when Troy called you those names… Mike hurt him.”

“What?” Will shook his head. “What do you mean, Mike hurt him? ” 

Shit. Maybe Mike knew this whole time and just pretended he didn’t? What if Mike knew you were gay and secretly hated you and that’s why he treated you like shit and ignored you? Will swallowed down the lump in his throat.

“Mike pushed him. I think he was going to hit him but… I– I made Troy stop before he could hurt Mike.”

Will did a double take, mouth agape in disbelief.

“Was that–– was that when you made Troy piss himself?”

“Yes.” She flashed him a guilty smile. 

Max cackled loudly, sputtering the beer she stole from Will.

“Holy shit! I wish I was there to see that.”

“Yeah… me too.”

Will’s eyes darted towards the floor as he thought of all the times Mike defended him, all of the times he protected him. 

“I think what I am trying to say is I don’t think Mike could hate you. He might not understand, but I don’t think he could ever hate you.”

Will smiled weakly as El pulled him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her petite frame and just held her. He let himself cry in her embrace. He didn’t know how he got so lucky to have El, but it didn’t matter. He was so grateful she was in his life.

“I want to believe you.” He whispered. “It’s just––”

“Hard?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled into her shoulder. “It’s hard.”

    Max tapped him on the shoulder, holding out her half finished can of bud light. She shook it lazily, offering it to him.

“Here, loser. You need this more than me.”

Will happily accepted and quickly killed off the rest, earning a disapproving look from El.

“Was that it?” Max prodded. “Or did other stuff come up? Because based on that fight… it seems like you two had a lot to talk about.”

Will avoided the line of questioning for a moment, idly toeing the carpet before making eye contact again.

“We talked about other stuff.” He said nonchalantly.

“And?”

“And he was majorly shitting on himself. Like I said before. It was painful.”

“What did he say?” El had a worried look in her eyes, pained and in some odd sense hopeful–– like she hoped that by learning what Mike had to say, she could finally get closure for their breakup. Which Will unfortunately had insight into. 

“Well,” He chewed his lip. “He’s been depressed. But that’s not really a surprise.”

El and Max both nodded.

“And… he told me why he broke up with you and why he didn’t tell me.” He tried not to look at his step-sister as he spoke.

“Oh?” Max had a slightly pissed off expression. 

Will was almost afraid to tell them. He didn’t want to hurt El, but he felt like she had the right to know why Mike had been such a dick. It didn’t really make sense to Will, seeing as Mike was pretty vague, but maybe it would give El what she needed. 

“Mike… he said a lot of things–– things that didn’t completely make sense, but I think it was genuine? Mike might have lied but he’s not a liar . I don’t know if that makes sense.” Will reached out for his sister’s hand. He had a feeling he’d need to return the comfort. “He pushed me away because he was afraid that if I knew the truth I’d think he was a terrible person. He thought I’d hate him… but I don’t think I could ever hate him.” 

“The truth?” Max glanced towards El.

“Yeah.” Will sighed a shaky breath, afraid he was making a huge mistake. “Mike has feelings for someone else. Whatever the fuck that means. I didn’t even know Mike knew a someone else. The way he made it sound… it was like he was talking about someone from Hawkins.” 

Suddenly El’s face was entirely blank, as if she saw a ghost–– or maybe an earth shattering realization was to blame. 

“Oh.”

“Oh?” Will and Max asked in unison. 

El bit her lip, brows knitting closer. She was deep in thought, as though Mike’s behavior was a puzzle she was finally solving. After a moment her face softened and she returned to her expectant friend and brother.

“All this time I thought it was something wrong with me. ” Will noticed the tears in the corners of her eyes. “I thought that Mike was afraid of me… Even after freshman year when he told me he wasn’t–– I always thought that maybe he was lying, that he really was scared of me and that’s why he was distant. But I do not think it is me anymore. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to trust him when he said he loved me for exactly who I am, but I couldn’t. It–– it sounded like he was afraid.”

Will shook his head, utterly baffled.

“Of course he was scared, El… you were dying.”

“No, Will. It was a different kind of scared. Like… like how I was afraid of myself after what I did to Angela, like how you were afraid to tell us that you love Mike. When he told me he loved me, it sounded like he was afraid of his feelings–– something in him. Not afraid of me or telling me he cared about me.”

Max leaned her head on El’s shoulder, wrapping her into a half hug.

“El,” She sighed. “I’m trying to follow you, but I think Will and I both got a little lost.”

El’s gaze flicked to Will, a soft and overwhelming sense of love shimmering in now damp eyes. She reached out to hold his hand, squeezing it tightly as she spoke.

“I’m not sure, but I think Mike has been upset with how he’s treated you for a long time. I think he feels guilty? I didn’t see it in high school, I was too busy trying to make things work and moving on from Henry, but I think we all lost you , Will. I think maybe Mike realized that he was not nice to you, that he wasn’t being a good friend. He talked about it sometimes. He said he felt bad that he was ignoring you after we moved away and that he was afraid you were mad at him and he did not know how to fix it.”

Will looked at his feet, analyzing the hole that was starting to form on the left big toe.

“I wish he would’ve told me… it would’ve saved a lot of heartache.” 

“Wait,” Max interjected, pinching her nose as she sat up. “I’m trying to figure this out… You think Mike broke up with you because he felt shitty about being a dick to Will? How does that even make sense?”

“It doesn’t.” Will said flatly.

“It does.” El was emphatic. “Mike could not figure out how to be a good boyfriend and a good friend. I think he felt like he had to choose and he chose you. I’m glad he chose you, Will. If he can’t be a good boyfriend then I’d rather him be my friend–– he can be a better friend to both of us.”

She wiped away the tears clinging to her lashes and offered Will a warm smile. He couldn’t help but feel like there was something left unsaid, but it didn’t matter. El finally seemed like she could breathe again. It gave Will a sense of relief. When they had first talked about the breakup, she said she was fine, but he could tell she was still trying to convince herself. Now, though? Now it seemed as though El found a sense of acceptance, of understanding. 

“I– I’m sorry he hurt you…” 

“Me, too. And I forgive him.” El rubbed her thumb over Will’s hand. “I think you should forgive, too.”

Will blinked vigorously.

“What?”

“You. I think you need to forgive yourself, Will.”

“For what?” He scoffed.

“I think you know.”

Max groaned, rolling her eyes as she inched closer to Will.

“I think El is trying to tell you to stop feeling guilty about having feelings for Mike while they were dating. Or maybe to stop feeling sorry for yourself–– oh wait, that one’s my opinion.” She playfully pushed his shoulder. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. Talk to Mike, dumbass. He might not feel the same way you do, but I don’t think Wheeler thinks you’re disgusting or whatever. You didn’t even give him a chance. You’re worse than me right now, seriously. You’re expecting the worst out of him before he even got a chance to respond.”

Will felt like he was being backed into a corner and threatened, albeit lovingly. He physically recoiled and shrunk in on himself as Max lectured him. 

“But what if––” His fear was catching up with him.

“No, Will. No what if.” She huffed. “Talk to him or so help me god, I will follow you back to New York and harrass you every day for the rest of your life.”

Will swallowed hard and nodded vigorously at Max’s threat. He knew she meant it.

“How? How do I talk to him? When do I talk to him?” He clutched a fistfull of hair. “What would I even say–– sorry I told you I’ve been thinking about you everyday for the past four and a half years wishing I could be your boyfriend and just straight up abandoning you to deal with that on your own? ”

“I wouldn’t say that exactly…” Max trailed off.

“Then what? What do you suggest, Max?”

“I don’t know, Will!” She crossed her arms. “But you can’t just leave things like that. We know you, right El?”

His step-sister nodded. 

“You’re gonna think about how you supposedly fucked things up for the rest of your life and avoid Wheeler like the plague. He’s your best friend. He might not be acting like it or whatever, but you still owe it to yourself,” She sighed and rolled her eyes. “And Mike, to work things out.”

Will mulled over the criticism, the suggestion? He wasn’t entirely sure what that was, but he knew Max was likely right. Even if Will wanted to avoid facing Mike forever, he knew it wasn’t fair. Mike deserved better.

“Okay. Fine. But… When do I talk to him? Do I let things cool off or should I call him right now?”

“No! Definitely do not call him now. Geeze, you’re hopeless.”

Will shrunk into himself a little. He loved Max, but sometimes the tough love hit him where it hurt. He was hopeless and he had been for a long time, but he was trying to change that.

He could feel El watching him, feel her shifting as she contemplated giving her opinion. It made him slightly nervous.

“Dustin said Steve is having a New Year’s Eve party again this year and we’re all invited. I already told him we would go…” She didn’t make eye contact. “You could talk to Mike then?”

Will bit his lip, contemplating the advice.

“How do you know he’ll even show up?” 

“Because I asked him to come.”

Will shot her a befuddled look. 

“When?”

“After the fight when you went outside. I wanted to make him feel better. He seemed lonelier than usual. I wanted to include him.”

“Oh…” Will breathed a sigh of relief knowing that he wouldn’t be the one to have to ask Mike.

“So,” Max lifted Will’s chin, forcing him to look at her. “You’re going to the party. And when you get there you better talk to Wheeler and sort all this shit out or––”

“You’ll come to New York and harass me everyday for the rest of my life.” He groaned.

“Exactly.” She flashed him a smug smirk.

Max began pulling magazines from the discarded stack, passing one to El 

“For now though, let’s get your dumb little brain off Wheeler. I wanna know who you think is hotter–– Michael J. Fox, Christian Slater, or Ethan Hawke?”

Will felt himself turn bright red. He’d never talked about boys with El and had only shared a little about Danny with Max. He couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, it wasn’t like this was exactly normal. He wasn’t supposed to share moments like this with anyone. He recalled how he used to sit in Mike’s basement with the guys while they all talked about actresses like Mia Sara, Jennifer Connelly, and Sigourney Weaver and he had to just pick one to seem normal. Will recalled how he always picked Sigourney Weaver–– mostly because he loved the Alien franchise and thought Ripley was badass, almost like Nancy in a way. But it was never because he was attracted to her.  

He tried to push past his feelings of shame and participate in a time honored ritual he never got to truly participate in. In a way it was nice to be able to be honest for once, even if it did feel slightly uncomfortable. He scooted closer to Max and El, looking over their shoulders and the list of Hollywood’s most handsome heartthrobs. He didn’t even have to look. He already knew which one he liked best, but it was the first time he was ever able to say it to someone. He swallowed hard before resting his chin on El’s shoulder and pointing.

“Definitely Christian Slater.” He smiled slightly. “Have you guys seen Heathers? J.D. is a piece of shit, but I don’t know… he’s kind of––”

“Sexy?” Max raised an eyebrow, smirking at Will.

“I didn’t say it.” He blushed, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Didn’t have to.” She laughed. “It’s all over your face.”

“Oh my god.” He buried his face into El’s shoulder. “Shut up.”

El giggled at Will’s reaction. Finally being able to tease Will about crushes, who he thought was cute, being able to listen to him be open and share with her, it was something she’d wanted for years. Will could tell, just by the way she wrapped her arm around him that she’d wanted that. He had too. 

“Matt Dillon, Christian Slater… Mike Wheeler. I’m sensing you have a typer, Byers.” Max poked him in the ribs.

“If this is what I was missing I think maybe I should go back in the closet.” He groaned.

“Oh come on! Dark hair, a little cocky, stupid smirk?”

“Sounds like Mike.” El glanced at him, knowing smile taunting him.

Will collapsed onto his back and stared at the ceiling, trying to hide his smile even though he didn’t exactly know why. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. He finally felt like he could be himself with the people he loved.

“I thought we were getting my mind off Mike.” 

“I didn’t say we would be successful.” Max plucked the magazine from Will’s grasp.

The three of them burst out into raucous laughter, cracking up so hard that it hurt to breath and their cheeks were sore. It was a welcome reprieve from the fear and heartache Will had felt only hours before.

    Now all Will had to do was hold onto that for the next five days. He had to find and hold onto any semblance of sanity and joy he could muster until the last day of 1989. Then, on the 31st he’d risk it all crashing down around him, risk the confrontation he’d been dreading. In the final hours of the year he’d force himself to listen to what Mike Wheeler had to say and deal with the consequences, whatever they may be. He could manage that, right?

Chapter Text

Mike kept trying to pluck up the courage to call Will. Every day he thought about driving to his house and banging on his door, maybe even his window, until his best friend would let him in. But every time Mike stood at the edge of making a decision, one foot into the unknown, all his fears came crashing down like the crushing weight of a tidal wave. He kept thinking about what Nancy told him, the way she encouraged him. He loved Will and Will loved him. Then why was this so goddamn difficult? Why couldn’t he bring himself to make things right?

    For five days Mike kept trying to think of all the ways in which he could tell his best friend his true feelings. He pictured himself leaving the tape with his hopefully not cringey love song in the Byers’ mailbox and hoping for the best. But he wanted to see the look on Will’s face when he opened it, when he listened to the words and heard for the first time how Mike really felt about him, how much he loved him. He imagined how Will’s eyes would close, how he might drum his fingers and nod along, how he might really listen –– like he did every time he heard new music. Mike thought it was amazing how Will could lose himself in a song, getting caught in the current of lyrics and melody.

There were countless times where he hovered by the phone, fingers itching to dial the number he knew by heart. And he did call, a couple of times, but he never let the phone ring more than a few seconds before hastily hanging up. No matter what Mike tried, he couldn’t seem to follow through. Until he did. The day before New Year’s Eve Mike messed up. It wasn’t that he’d found the strength or motivation, it was his own panic that caused him to stumble into talking to Will. He did his daily routine, standing near the phone until he willed himself to call and waited until he chickened out. He’d allotted his 10 second maximum, ready to hang up when a familiar, frazzled voice called out through the receiver:

“Hello?”

    Will didn’t want to acknowledge the way his pulse quickened or how his stomach lurched when he heard the phone ring. Everything inside him came to life with nervous electricity. It jolted through him, propelling him into action. For the past 5 days he’d felt an overwhelming sense of dread whenever the phone rang. He ignored it, praying it wasn’t for him because deep down he didn’t want Mike to confront him yet. He wasn’t ready. It took him every single day of psyching himself up to become even the slightest bit confident in what he might say to his best friend. And yet this time felt different. This time when the phone rang and rang Will secretly hoped it was for him.

He was lying on his back, reading the X-men comics Dustin gave him when the uncomfortably familiar sound dragged him back to reality. In this moment Will wished he had psychic powers like El or Jean Grey so he would know, without a shadow of a doubt, who was on the other end of the line. He took in a deep breath and stared at the trilling yellow phone on his desk. It almost felt like it was mocking him and he was about ready to let it keep tormenting him with feelings of shame when he recalled Max’s words: No, Will. No what if. Talk to him or so help me god… He took a sharp inhale and held it for a moment. No what if. Even if it is Mike. No what if.

“Hello?”

Will waited a few seconds for a reply, but nothing came. There were no words, just something distant that sounded like quiet shaky breaths

“Hello?” He asked again.

Mike wanted to say something, he really did, but he was frozen, utterly unable to respond. Fuck . Mike’s heart plummeted into his stomach. His face felt clammy and his mouth refused to cooperate with the words begging to escape. Why did it have to be Will?

Will sighed. Deep down he wanted Mike to call him. He knew he probably should’ve initiated, but Max and El were vague with their advice and Will had never done anything like this before. He’d never gotten in a complicated, tangled mess with someone he was in love with. He’d never experienced a real “relationship”. Danny only sort of counted–– not that Mike counted either, it just felt entirely, crushingly serious. But Will wanted Mike to call him, he wanted it so badly that it kept him up at night and filled him with fearful anticipation during the waking hours. He felt sort of pathetic, but you know what people say: Love makes you crazy.

He waited several more seconds, hoping whoever was on the other end of the line would say something already. Just as he was ready to hang up, as he released a resigned sigh of defeat, the voice he so loved convinced him he shouldn’t.

“Wait!” Mike blurted.

“Mike?” Will was shocked. Sure he’d wanted this to happen, but he didn’t think Mike would actually call.

Mike swallowed hard, trying not to let his nerves get the better of him. He had no idea what to say or how to explain himself. He wasn’t even sure what he was explaining or if this was what he should do.

“I- uh…”.

“Mike?”

Will knew he should say something other than Mike , but his mouth was suddenly incredibly dry and he couldn’t seem to remember how to speak other than murmuring his best friend’s name.

“I was wondering,” Mike was so incredibly nervous. “If–– if you were going to Steve’s party?” Mike winced at how desperate he sounded. But he was desperate. He desperately wanted Will to see he was trying.

A long and awkward pause followed his inquiry. For several moments, the only thing exchanged between them were measured breaths.

Will pondered the question, hearing the words, knowing what they meant, but unable to form a coherent thought. He scrunched his eyes shut. He wanted to groan, to roll over and scream into his pillow. Instead he managed to croak out:

“Yeah… Why?” 

He could kick himself over how eager he was, but it was a moot point. Mike, unfortunately, already knew how he felt.

Once again they were plunged into silence. It felt oddly fated. Conversations falling off into awkward pauses was becoming a new normal for them.

    Mike tried to gather himself, willing all his frantic and confused thoughts into a coherent string of words that might spell out his intentions. He wasn’t sure if he should bring up Will’s confession. He was sure that ignoring his best friend’s feelings for him was wrong, but he was even less certain if bringing it up was right either. His mouth decided for him as he danced around the metaphorical elephant in the room. 

“Cool. Great, awesome…” His face scrunched into an uncomfortable grimace. It felt like he kept digging a deeper and deeper hole. “It’s just–– it would suck if you didn’t come. It wouldn’t be the same without you and I– I want you to be there, Will.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Will felt himself turning bright red. Mike wants you to come . In embarrassment and shock, Will pulled the phone away from his face and held it tight to his chest. He breathed a shaky sigh of relief. In a way he was glad that Mike was completely ignoring his previous tearful and embarrassing declaration of love. He closed his eyes and bit his cheeks before relaxing and turning his attention back to his best friend.

“You– you do?”

“Yeah. Of course I do.” Mike’s voice was so soft. “You’re my best friend, Will.”

“Am I?” Will wanted to punch himself in the face. He was trying to make Mike feel better, to make things as normal as possible, not to hurt his feelings.

“Yes.” Mike said emphatically. “You are my best friend. I want you to come, I want things to be like they were… you know, before.”

Will felt sweat starting to dampen his skin. A shiver ran up his spine and he felt frozen for a moment. What did Mike mean by “before?” Before I told him I’m in love with him? Before college? Before high school? He was utterly dumbfounded. The statement unsettled him.

“Before we fought.” Mike quickly supplied.

“Oh,” Will tried not to sound dejected. “Yeah… me too.”

“Cool.”

A stilted, uncomfortable laugh left Mike.

“Yeah… cool.”

Will’s stomach was twisting again. His anxiety tore through every square inch of him. Will wanted to probe deeper, to ask Mike how he felt about what he said a few days ago, but another part of him wanted to beg Mike to forget it ever happened.

“So…”

“So.” Will repeated.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Mike sounded so incredibly awkward. It gave Will a bit of second hand embarrassment.

“Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Will swallowed down the lump in his throat as he slammed down the phone. His heart was beating so fast he thought it might burst through his chest. Mike had called just to ask if he’d show up? It was bizarre. Will didn’t quite understand the purpose of the conversation. It already seemed like everyone agreed to go, that they all knew who’d be there. So why was Mike asking him ? What was he trying to do? Will wondered if there was a hidden agenda to their conversation that he didn’t pick up on. It drove him mad. He wondered if Mike called him to talk about the fact that Will was in love with him. Maybe that was it. Maybe Mike chickened out. In the end it didn’t matter, at least he hadn’t been embarrassed any further. He could take comfort in that.

    Sighing and pressing his hands over his eyes, Will couldn’t help but think about the party–– what might happen once he got there. He had so many what ifs swirling around in his head that it almost made him feel dizzy. He was sure Max would smack him if she could detect other people’s thoughts. Good thing she couldn’t and thank god he was alone. He didn’t know what to expect and that scared him. He still had no idea what he would say to Mike, how to approach him, how to act around him. He was petrified he’d made things even more awkward between them just by being honest and he still had no idea how Mike felt about it. Will felt utterly lost, like he had no semblance of control.

    He was worrying about every little detail. He fussed over how his voice sounded when he talked, how much space he took up–– how much he just wanted to shrink into nothing, how he moved, how he looked. Will wanted to be wanted. He wanted someone to see him and think he was attractive and special–– not just someone, Mike. Of course, the only thing on his mind anymore was Mike. But Mike didn’t like him like that. He shouldn’t expect him, let alone anyone at Steve’s party to think of him that way, no matter how much he wanted them too. But he kept thinking about Mike, kept thinking about how maybe, if he made the effort, he could make his best friend notice him. Now Will found himself agonizing over all the things he knew he shouldn’t.

    After the phone call Will was restless. All he wanted to do was sleep and stop thinking, to fast forward to tomorrow night. As usual however, he couldn’t quite quiet his mind. He thought about smoking, getting stoned just to shut off his brain and fall into the blissful stillness that followed. But he lived with Hopper now, a cop –– and even though he’d gotten high a few nights ago, it was when he knew his step-dad wasn’t home. Fuck it . He almost didn’t care if he got caught. He needed this. Will went through his typical routine, opening the window and shoving dirty clothes into the space beneath his door to try and hide the smell. That would have to do, he was on the verge of a breakdown and craving a pause. So he lit a joint, sat on his desk and breathed the evidence out the window into the cold December night. 

    Finally, sleep–– glorious, restful sleep. In the morning he awoke with the faint realization of what day it was. As he adjusted to the light and felt less groggy, all the anxiety came flooding back with a vengeance. He didn’t want to think about it, he didn’t want to think about anything honestly. There were still 10 hours until Steve’s party and Will’s entire body screamed that showing up would be the death of him. He laid there for a while, ruminating like he always did, before trying to figure out how to waste his day. It wasn’t easy, honestly it was sort of torture, but he somehow managed to pass a few hours, losing himself in what felt like endless sketching. He blew through a couple albums–– the Psychedelic Furs’ “All of This and Nothing”, the Smiths’ “The World Won’t Listen”, and the Talking Heads’ “Speaking in Tongues” and yet he still had almost 7 hours to kill.

    When the last tape finally ran out, Will looked down at his feverous drawing, really taking in his work. He’d filled multiple pages with sketches of Mike . He cradled his head in his hands and clenched his jaw. Why was he like this? Why was he such a goddamn mess? And why for the love of god could he not get over his best friend? He tugged on his hair before pushing himself away from his desk and abandoning his sketchbook. He didn’t want to look at it anymore, it made him feel pathetic. 

    Will spent the next several hours finding anything he could to waste time. He cleaned the kitchen, went to the store for Joyce, watched a few episodes of Days of Our Lives with El, until finally he only had about an hour left. When his watch struck 8, he breathed a sigh of relief. Anticipation was almost always worse than the reality–– at least that’s what his mom told him. He desperately wanted to trust her, so he threw himself into getting ready. Just like the day he saw Mike again for the first time, Will stressed over what he should wear, how he should look. He changed at least a dozen times, feeling uncomfortable and awkward in everything he tried on. 

Pants, pants were easy–– it was shirts that were hard. He couldn’t seem to pick between a pullover or a cardigan or just a button up. He tried to think of what Gina and Luis might pick, but Will wasn’t great with fashion, his purview was fantasy and monsters and if it was up to him he’d just walk around in wizard’s robes, not giving a single fuck about how ridiculous he looked. Eventually he resigned to a green pullover and a yellow flannel. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it, but it was better than everything else he’d tried. He fixed his hair and quickly tossed his discarded clothes onto the back of the desk chair and headed out to meet El and Jonathan. No more second guessing everything .

The siblings packed into their less than trusty beat up car and made their way over to Steve’s. The entire ride over Will kept fidgeting. He was alight with nervous energy, switching between bouncing his leg to shifting in his seat more than necessary to drumming his fingers to massaging his biceps. He could feel both of his siblings watching him, even if he wasn’t actively paying attention. It made everything feel that much worse, knowing that they were worried about him. He swallowed hard as they pulled up to the Harrington’s, several cars already parked along the curb and in the driveway. Jonathan cut the engine, glancing slowly at Will, whose leg was shaking so violently that he was afraid it might fall off.

“Hey,” Jonathan exhaled.

Will chewed his cheeks, trying to ground himself. He shifted his gaze ever so slowly to his brother.

“It’ll be okay.” He smiled.

“Mhmm.” Will nodded. He wasn’t sure he trusted the sentiment.

“He is right, Will.” El placed her hand gently on his shoulder. “You will be okay. Remember what Max said?”

Will sighed, slumping further into the seat.

“No what ifs.”

“No what ifs.” She smiled at him.

Jonathan unbuckled his seatbelt and nudged his brother with his elbow.

“Come on, we’ve got a party to go to.”

    Jonathan, El, and Will made their way to the front door. The air was cold, biting their cheeks and filling Will with a sense of dread. Ever since the mindflayer he came to hate the cold, always seeking warmth physically and emotionally. In that way the party called to him. The hum of the music, the thought of people, and heat, and alcohol motivated him to join in, if only to escape the winter chill. They reached the threshold, finally on the cusp of what should be fun. Will took one last deep breath as Jonathan rang the doorbell.

    The door swung open, revealing an excited, slightly buzzed Steve Harrington. He had a warm, inviting grin that stretched from ear to ear and a welcoming posture. 

“Hey! Look who’s here.” He gestured, causing alcohol to slosh in his cup. “Come in guys! The party’s just getting started.

Jonathan offered him a half hearted smile. They weren’t best friends by any means, but they’d grown to tolerate each other. Will liked Steve, El too, but Jonathan couldn’t seem to get past the friendly acquaintance stage. Will understood, he just wished his brother could let go of the past a little. People change, it was 5 years ago. Though… not all change was good. Will knew from experience.

He let Steve usher them inside, following close behind El and his brother, almost afraid to cross the boundary leading to the unknown. There were too many variables at play, too many thoughts swimming in his head as he made his way through the accumulated mass of bodies. In all honesty it wasn’t that many people, but seeing that it was more than just the typical gang made Will nervous. He assumed some of the people were folks Steve knew from work or community college, maybe they were even friends of friends–– hell maybe some of them didn’t even know him and just showed up. Either way, the amount of people let Will be somewhat anonymous. It didn’t take away his anxiety, though. Hawkins parties freaked him out. 

In New York he’d come to enjoy going to house parties, going out dancing or to concerts with his friends, but this was different. This was the kind of party where Will was likely to become a wallflower just watching everyone, sitting alone in a corner nursing some disgusting concoction that tasted vaguely like cough syrup. As he scanned the crowd that desire built up even more. He watched as couples danced with each other, as people gathered up and laughed and chatted. Will, despite the new found crumbs of confidence he’d amassed while away, was feeling incredibly self conscious.

“Will!” Lucas cut through the din.

Will whipped his head in the direction of his voice.

“Hey!” Will forced as his friend pulled him into a hug.

He froze for a moment, discomfort ebbing and flowing before he finally relaxed.

“Glad you came, man.” Lucas smiled. “Dustin, me, and Max are playing beer pong if you wanna join in.”

“You sure you want me to play?” Will laughed. “My aim is shit… El would probably be way better.”

“Come on! That’s the whole point–– you don’t have to be good, you just have to get drunk.”

Will turned to his sister who was hovering behind him, fidgeting nervously.

“Do you want to play?”

She looked at both of them, a sort of thoughtful expression on her face.

“I would like to. But do I have to drink?” 

“No,” Max approached from the side. “The rest of us would be more than happy to take the hit for you. Right Will?” She smirked at him.

“Don’t feel pressured or anything, El.”  

She nodded, smiling softly at Will and Max before they headed to the dining table. 

    Will squeezed through groups of people, following his eager friends. He just wanted to relax and have some stupid mindless fun, but as he approached the table, he saw Mike. He was laughing, something Dustin said made him smile wide, made the corners of his eyes crinkle as he held his sides. Will was filled with the desire to study him, to commit every detail of Mike’s face alive with joy to memory. He was tired of seeing his best friend be miserable, all he wanted was for Mike to be happy. He only wished that it was him that made Mike laugh like that. He took in a sharp breath as he approached, praying to anything listening that he could make it through the rest of the night without spontaneously combusting. 

    Will tried, he really tried to get into the game and be present but he just couldn’t. No matter what he told himself, no matter what he tried, his attention just kept drawing back to Mike. He felt himself fade into the background, lurking behind his friends, watching. It was just like he expected, Will was a wallflower, destined to be on the outskirts. He only half caught things, paying attention in spurts–– mostly on his turn. Though even then, even when he was tasked with trying to help out his team, Will was distracted. The thought of Mike watching him was stressing him out, to the point where he kept fucking up his shots and making his team fail miserably. This meant more drinking, more chances to try to forget, so maybe Will failing to help his friends was better for him in the long run.

    Of course they lost–– playing beer pong against Steve, Nancy, Robin, Eddie, and a girl Will didn’t know was never really going to go well for them. Sure Robin wasn’t the most coordinated, but the new girl on her team was excellent, landing shot after shot. Nancy and Steve? They had great aim. Eddie wasn't too bad either. But Will’s team was stuck with Will, who sucked on a good day and Mike who had the coordination of a baby giraffe. It was clear that Mike had no problem with the prospect of his own failure, in fact he found it funny how awful he was. It endeared him to Will even more. It didn’t really matter to Will if Mike was good or not, he just enjoyed watching him, being near him. But that proximity and the buzz of alcohol made his head spin. It made him want to escape and hide and act like he wasn’t even there. 

    The minute the game ended Will slipped away from the group. He was good at that, becoming invisible. He needed air, needed to breathe. He made his way to the kitchen, catching the stockpile of drinks lining the counter. His thoughts were loud again, condescending and telling him he didn’t belong. He looked around the room, scanning all the people around him. Everyone seemed to have someone and if they didn’t, they didn’t seem to mind much. Whether friends or a partner, it left Will with an acute sense of loneliness. He saw Dustin and El laughing, Robin and her friend hugging, sharing a beer. Watching his brother and Nancy hang on to each other, Max and Lucas share a playful kiss, seeing Steve cozy up to the new girl he was seeing–– it made Will feel hollow, jealous.

Then he remembered that this was a New Year’s party and couples would likely kiss at midnight, that they’d embrace and share intimate moments of celebration… It hurt. He wanted that. He wanted it so badly. He stood there in the kitchen just watching it all, keenly aware of his own reality. Against his better judgement he swiped a bottle of vodka and tried to sneak out the back door. He made his way over to the Harrington’s pool, now covered for the winter, and sat on the diving board. Will lit a cigarette and looked out into the distance, daydreaming about how in another reality he might be able to have those kinds of moments with Mike. He was love sick. His mom was wrong, he did think it was gross when he fell in love. 

Will took infrequent swigs of cheap vodka, swinging his legs idly over the pool as he halfheartedly sang along to the melody spilling from inside:

Love my way, it's a new road

I follow where my mind goes, so swallow all your tears, my love

And put on your new face

You can never win or lose, if you don't run the race

Again, anymore, he felt bombarded with obnoxious messages about love and romance. It didn’t matter if he liked the song, that he’d listened to it earlier that day, right now the Psychedelic Furs were making him angsty. He took another drag of his cigarette and looked back in the direction of the house. Suddenly he realized he wasn’t alone, a silhouette came into view and he felt his heart drop into his stomach. It didn’t matter who it was, he was uncomfortable no matter what.

“Whatcha doin’ out here all by yourself younger Byers?” Robin’s raspy voice called out. 

Will instinctively straightened up, shoulders raising to seem more attentive.

“I just– I needed some air I guess.” He flicked a bit of ash off the end of the cigarette.

“Mind if I keep you company?” She dropped onto the ground next to the diving board, sitting like a pretzel.

Will still didn’t know Robin all that well, but he had come to understand that she typically didn’t wait for an answer, she just did things. They were polar opposites in that way. Will was mindful of everything and it seemed like Robin was off somewhere else, always focusing on whatever caught her interest. He didn’t mind it so much, except for right now. He didn’t feel much like being in someone else’s company.

“I don’t mind.” He lied, taking another swig of vodka.

“You drinking that all by yourself?” She raised an eyebrow. “Seems like a lot for one person.”

“I guess.” He swirled the liquid around, watching it slosh inside the bottle. “You want some?” He held it out to her.

“If you’re offering, I absolutely accept.” She smiled at him.

Handing it off to her, Will couldn’t help but feel like maybe Robin had ulterior motives coming out here. It wasn’t like they were close and based on her body language, how she fidgeted, it seemed like there was something on her mind. Will observed her, watched how she mirrored his movements from before. She swirled the vodka around, watching it spiral, before taking a swig and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Bleh,” She wrinkled her nose. “This tastes like paint thinner. I guess I can see why you’re drinking it… seeing how you’re all mopey and everything.”

Will did a double take. Why was she paying attention to him? Why was she aware of his emotional state?

“W-what?” He stuttered.

“You, you’re mopey! Like a sad zoo lion or something––or a kid who dropped their ice cream and their parents refused to get them another one.” 

He stared blankly at her for a moment, utterly confused.

“I don’t know… it just seemed like maybe you could use some cheering up? You kinda just pulled a Houdini in there and went poof –– gone.”

Will had no idea how to respond to her. He wasn’t even sure why this conversation was happening in the first place and he wasn’t about to tell Robin that he was upset, why he was “mopey”.

“I’m fine.” He breathed in deep. “You don’t have to sit out here with me.”

“What if I want to?” She smiled. “What if I wanna freeze my butt off and keep Will Byers company because he looks like a sad mopey lion?” 

He couldn’t help but crack a smile and chuckle. Robin was naturally funny and friendly. Dustin liked her a lot and talked about her and Steve all the time. Maybe Will should just suck it up, stop wallowing, and take the offer of comfort.

“Oh look! I made you laugh!” Robin did one of those exhales that tries to pretend it’s not a laugh, but it absolutely is.

There was an awkward pause for a moment. Will didn’t really know what to say to her, what they would talk about, but he was starting to admit to himself that it was nice to not be alone.

“I uh––” Robin broke the silence. “I was wondering… if you were okay. Seriously, you look like you’re on the verge of tears and it would suck so bad if you started crying. Not that crying is a bad thing or that guys shouldn’t cry! In fact, it’s totally okay and healthy to cry. I just mean that it doesn’t seem fair to be miserable on New Year’s Eve, surrounded by people who like you and wanna hang out with you.” 

Will laughed sarcastically. He didn’t mean to, it just felt fitting that he’d be miserable while everyone else was having fun.

“Yeah… that would suck.”

“You don’t have to talk about it or anything. I know we don’t know each other that well… but I think that you could use a friend right now–– one that doesn’t come from a bottle.” 

He brought his knees to his chest and rested his chin on his forearms. He took a deep breath and tried to steady his nerves.

“You’re probably right. I just feel like… I guess I feel lonely?” Shit, chatty drunk Will was back!

“I get that.” Robin copied his body language, drawing her knees in close. “Sometimes, even in a room full of people, I feel like I’m utterly and completely alone. It’s kinda messed up honestly, but when you’ve been treated like a freak your whole life you get used to it I guess.”

“I– I didn’t know you felt that way.” Will’s voice was quiet.

“Yeah. I feel a lotta ways.” She chuckled. “It’s not like I go around telling everyone my deep, dark scary secrets. I mean, I know I can be chatty and not totally grasp when I should shut up–– I’m probably doing it right now, rambling….but there’s stuff I keep close still, stuff only some people know.”

“Does Steve know?” Will had no idea why he said that.

“Yep. He’s one of a privileged few. Steve, Nancy, and Eddie. They know. I think you know how that feels too.” 

“Yeah, I think I do… I’ve felt like a freak my whole life. And even though I have friends, even though I know they care about me, sometimes it feels like I’m the only person in the world who feels this way. It’s lonely.”

Why was Robin so easy to talk to? Was it because he didn’t know her very well? Was it because she seemed so easy going and non-judgemental? Will couldn’t be sure, but he was starting to feel oddly more relaxed. 

“It can definitely be lonely. Thinking you’re the only one who feels that way. I mean logically I knew I wasn’t alone, it’s just I’d never met anyone else like me.”

The way she said “like me” made something stir in Will’s stomach, made his heart beat stutter.

“Like you ?”

“Yeah…” She paused, thinking for a moment. “Like I said. I think maybe you understand.”

Will looked at her expectantly, like there was something he was missing.

“I saw you in there,” She nodded back towards the house. “The way you looked… I know that look.”

He swallowed hard. Will didn’t like where this was going.

“I don’t––”

“The way you looked at Mike Wheeler?”

Will felt all the color drain from his face. His heart was beating so fast and so loud that he could actually hear it, he could feel it in his throat and in his head.

“What? I– I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t… I didn’t.”

“Will,” She scooted closer to the diving board. “I know you have like zero reason to trust me or confide in me or whatever, but I saw how you were looking at him and how miserable you looked and–– I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything, trust me, that’s literally the last thing I want. I just, I know what that’s like okay? I’ve felt that way way too many times in the 22 stupid years I’ve been alive and seeing that… it hurts. I don’t want anyone else to look at their friend or the kid from their algebra class and cry themselves to sleep because they hate how looking at them makes them feel.”

“I’m…” The rest of the sentence caught in Will’s throat as he truly took in what Robin was saying. 

“I just wanna say it gets better, okay? It won’t feel like this forever. Hawkins is shitty and people are assholes, but out there–– in the real world–– you can be different and it’s okay. Maybe not everywhere, but in Chicago I can. In New York, right?”

Will nodded as she tried to confirm her recollection of where he went to school.

“In Chicago, New York, San Francisco–– I can look at Kendra and hold her hand and get an apartment with her. Come home to her and kiss her and be so fucking happy.”

Will’s eyes widened. He felt like there were tears welling in the corners of his eyes. He thought about the girl playing beer pong inside, the tall one with long curly brown hair, big earrings, and floral vest who laughed at every joke Robin made. He thought about the way they hung onto each other and whispered, how nonchalantly they shared a beer and how Robin had carefully wiped a bit of smeared lipstick off of her chin with a soft smile. Robin and Kendra…

“You’re––”

“A lesbian?” She laughed. “Yep! I’m a big ol’ fucking dyke. Surprise!” 

“And people know? Steve and Nancy and Eddie are cool about it?” He sounded hopeful.

“Yeah, very cool. Steve was the first person I ever told. It was an accident, honestly. I never thought I’d tell anyone. But when we were captured by the Russians, they pumped us full of drugs and I just kinda spilled my guts in the Movie theater bathroom after barfing. He was actually really cool about it though. It was like it was no big deal and nothing changed between us. Steve still wanted to be my friend, even after I brutally rejected him by pulling the lesbian card.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” 

“I guess you figured it out,” Will sighed. “But yeah, I’m gay. And I have a stupid fucking crush on Mike and I keep trying to get over him, but it doesn’t work.” 

Robin smiled at him sadly, offering him a comforting pat on the shoulder. 

“It’ll be okay. I promise. Things’ll work out. You get to have your happy ending too, Byers. It’ll happen.”

After that they sat in silence, just sharing the last of Will’s cigarette and whatever was left of the vodka. He felt much less alone.

Mike saw him. He noticed Will leave. It made his chest ache. The entire time the party was playing beer pong Mike wanted to talk to him, to pull him aside and say all the things he kept meaning to. But Will left and now Mike felt lost. It hurt so bad, seeing Will dejected. One of the most beautiful things in the world was Will Byers’ smile and Mike hadn’t seen it, truly seen it in a while. He needed to find him, to make Will understand that nothing was his fault, that he wasn’t mad at him, or trying to ignore him maliciously. He needed Will to know every thought and feeling screaming to get out. Will deserved the truth. 

He looked around the room, trying to see if he could find Will in the crowd, but he was noticeably absent. It made him panic, made him worry about Will just as he always had. Nothing and no one else mattered at this moment, only Will. Mike tried to slip away from his friends, tried not to make a scene, but he felt a hand on his shoulder, stopping him dead in his tracks.

“Mike, dude,” Dustin shouted over the music. “Where are you going?”

Mike looked at his friend, deep confusion overtaking his features. 

“To find Will!”

“Will? You mean he’s not here? I swear I just saw him. Man, he’s always fucking disappearing!”

Mike groaned. Drunk Dustin was worse than sober frustrated Dustin. Mike loved him, but Dustin could talk your ear off on a good day–– drunk, though? You could never get those precious hours back.

“He’s not here, man.” Mike tried to talk over the bass. “I don’t know where he went. I mean I saw him leave but I– I have no idea where he is now.”

“Oh, shit. Do you think something happened?”

Something happened. Mike swallowed hard. Great . Now he was worrying about Will having a panic attack or maybe he was pissed off still, or maybe he was blackout drunk somewhere and needed help and no one was around. He didn’t want to freak out, but he was. Mike was frantically searching every inch of the living room with his eyes. He couldn’t find Will. He pulled away from Dustin, ignoring any protests that might follow, and pushed through whoever was in his path. He didn’t care if he was coming across as an asshole, if Will was in trouble he needed to find him and even if he wasn’t Mike still felt the same.

He scoured every last foot of the downstairs, opening doors and calling his best friend’s name. He checked every bathroom and corner and hallway until he made his way to the second floor. Sure, Steve had said it was off limits, but this was an emergency. He searched and searched and searched, but still he found nothing. Until he caught a glimpse of the pool from Steve’s bedroom window. Far off, tiny down below and in the distance, were two figures sitting by the diving board. It was hard to make out in the dark, but the one sitting on the board could definitely be Will. It was a lead at least. It gave Mike hope as he bolted down the stairs, earning a “Hey! Watch it Wheeler! What the fuck?” from Steve as he stuck a less than graceful landing. 

Mike ran towards the kitchen shoving people out of the way, not giving a single shit at this point. From the window over the sink he could finally see, it was Will–– and Robin. They were smoking together and talking. It was Will. He was safe, he wasn’t alone, he was okay. It made some of Mike’s panic subside, but he knew he still needed to talk to him. He needed to make things right and show Will just how much he meant to him. He needed something to steal his nerves, they were waning ever so slightly, but it was still enough to stop him in his tracks. Mike’s eyes darted towards several shot glasses lying about and poured himself some liquid courage, knocking it back faster than he could regret it. 

Just beyond the sliding glass door was his best friend, the boy he was in love with. He took a deep, slow breath as he reached for the handle, closed his eyes, and took the plunge. Stepping out into the chill night air Mike was greeted by the sound of soft wind and patches of snow crunching under his feet. The cold felt good, like it was calming the fire stoking his nerves. Mike felt himself struggling to look at Will. Every time he caught a glimpse of him, his pulse quickened and the clammy feeling returned. He looked at the ground instead, careful on his approach as he drew closer to Will and Robin. Now he was mere feet away and neither one seemed to notice him yet. It took everything within him not to run up to Will and utter a string of incoherent sentences proclaiming how he loved him and how sorry he was for being a shitty friend. Instead, Mike was careful. He took his time finding his words.

“Will?” His voice was soft, fond.

His best friend jolted upright, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. The last thing Mike wanted to do was scare Will away. He was tired of both of them running away. It was now or never. 

“Can… can we talk?”

Robin turned around, looking up at him. She glanced at Will briefly, an exchange happened between them that Mike didn’t entirely understand. But she nodded silently, got up and brushed past Mike.

“Be gentle with him, Wheeler.” She whispered before walking back in the house.

Her words made Mike’s breath hitch. They made him nervous, more so than he was before. He wasn’t sure what Robin meant exactly, but he would absolutely take the words to heart. Will deserved gentleness, Will deserved empathy and kindness and love.

Chapter Text

Both boys stood in silence for a moment, waiting patiently as Robin disappeared back into the din of synth pop and drunken singing. Mike sat down, occupying the space she had abandoned. He looked up at Will, who was now slightly above him on the diving board. He looked pensive and wistful, lost in thoughts Mike hoped weren’t devastating or painful. Bathed in moonlight, Will looked perfect. Just the sight of him was enough to leave Mike a babbling mess, but he had a purpose and he was going to follow through this time. He had to.

“Can we talk, Will?” Mike felt his hands shaking slightly, anxiety highjacking his body. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I just think that maybe… maybe we should.”

Will bowed his head, unable to look at Mike. Everything felt so difficult. He could feel how uneven his breaths were, feel the nervous energy buzzing through his body. He snuffed out the cigarette he’d been smoking and slowly looked at Mike. In the moonlight, his face cast in pale blue light and shadow, Mike took Will’s breath away. If he had thought his best friend was a work of art worthy of a museum a few days ago, it was even more evident now. He swallowed down the lump in his throat, knowing it was time to put his feelings to the side and suck it up. He could manage a conversation, right? This was long overdue.

“Yeah,” Will’s eyes flicked back towards the ground. “Yeah… We can talk.”

    Mike breathed a sigh of relief. His emotional state was utterly noticeable to the point where he could tell Will was paying attention based on nothing but the way in which his posture shifted.

“I–” Mike swallowed hard. “I don’t even know where to start.”

There was a brief pause, giving Mike plenty of time to have more than a few panicked thoughts before their conversation continued.

“I do…” Will sighed. “I’m sorry, Mike.”

Mike shook his head.

“Why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“No. I definitely do. I’ve been really selfish.” His leg swung absentmindedly over the edge of the pool. “I was so caught up in my own shitty feelings that I wasn’t there for you. I hurt you and I––” Will could feel the tears welling up again.

“No– no, you didn’t hurt me, Will. I was the asshole, okay? I was pushing you away and being a jerk and taking shit out on you. That’s not your fault. I don’t want you to think for a second that you deserved any of that. Because you didn’t.” He smiled weakly.

Will didn’t feel like he had earned Mike’s kindness. He didn’t feel worthy of being apologized to or validated.

“I do deserve it, Mike.” He wiped his nose. “What I told you… when we were at Hawkins elementary–– I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have run away and left you there to deal with my fucked up feelings. I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I know it’s wrong and disgusting and I completely understand if you never wanted to see me again, but I–– I don’t know. I just felt like I should tell you, even if it means losing you as a friend.”

Will looked so incredibly sad. He shrunk into himself, becoming as small as physically possible. Mike could hear the telltale wetness in his voice. If Will wasn’t crying, he would be soon. It was breaking Mike’s heart. None of what his best friend said was remotely true. He needed Will to know that. He just hoped he could say it convincingly, that he could make him understand just how wrong his assumptions were.

“You don’t, Will. You don’t deserve to be treated like shit, okay?” His voice cracked, getting louder as he tried to convince his best friend he was worth caring about. “You’re not gonna lose me. I– I’m not gonna stop being your friend. I don’t want to stop being your friend. Asking you was the best thing I’ve ever done, remember?”

Will’s gaze met his, light reflecting off the tears pooling in his eyes. Everything inside of Mike screamed to comfort him.

“Will,” His lip shook as he thought about his words. “ I’m sorry . I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend. I’m sorry I made you feel like you didn’t matter. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything when you told me how you felt––”

“Mike, you don’t have to,” Will hiccuped. “I get it. You don’t have to pretend.”

“No. No, I want you to know, okay? I don’t think you’re disgusting. I don’t think you’re a freak. I think you’re the most incredible person in the world and I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re my favorite person, Will–– my best friend and nothing’s gonna change that. I want you to know that you matter, you’re not a mistake, that being different is what I love about you.” 

Mike felt like his heart might beat through his chest, he was panting and everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. But Mike was telling him, he was finally telling him.

    Will felt himself relax, like he was melting. Everything Mike was saying was exactly what needed to hear, what he wanted to hear for so long. Somewhere in the midst of Mike speaking, Will had begun to cry. For the first time in a while it wasn’t out of shame or relief, it was a strange sort of happiness. Mike didn’t hate him. Mike wanted him to be in his life, despite everything. It filled Will’s chest with warmth and made him smile through the tears.

“You– you don’t think it’s messed up that I have feelings for you? Cause I think it’s pretty messed up.” He laughed dryly.

Mike shifted, his body language started making Will nervous. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought that up, maybe he was pushing his luck.

“I– I don’t think it’s messed up.” Mike’s voice was incredibly quiet. 

Will was terrified he was lying to make him feel better. It was absolutely messed up.

“I’m not good at this shit.” 

“Good at what?” Will raised an eyebrow.

“Talking about my feelings?” Mike cringed. “It’s like every time I want to be honest with someone I care about, to tell them what’s going on or how I feel or whatever… I suddenly forget how to talk. I feel like an idiot because sometimes, I don’t even understand my own shit either. And it doesn’t make sense until I’m basically hit over the head with it. You know?”

Will shot him a puzzled look.

“No? I don’t think so.”

“Fuck.” Mike groaned. “I think what I’m trying to say is that… when you told me how you felt, that you loved me. I– I think I needed to hear it?”

Heat spread across Will’s cheeks, his face was bright red. The way Mike was looking at him, the words he was saying, they made Will’s head spin. He felt confused and overjoyed and strangely satisfied. Tonight was not going how he expected.

“You- you did?”

“Yeah…” Mike trailed off, looking over his shoulder to see if they were still alone. “I really did. I think it helped me realize some things.”

Will heard the way Mike’s breath wavered, he could see the way he bit his lip. Mike seemed nervous, like he was holding something back. It made Will curious, but it also scared him.

    Mike sighed, tracing patterns in the stone. He wanted to say more, to tell Will that he realized he was in love with him too, but the words were trapped in his chest and he didn’t know the right combination to release them. The pair sat in silence for a moment, just existing in each other’s company. All the while Mike kept searching for his courage. He knew how he felt, but expressing it was a different story. He thought about Will’s comic book, about how he told Mike in the way only Will could, how he felt. Then Mike remembered–– the song . He wrote Will a sappy, angsty love song. It was easier for Mike to confront his feelings when no one else was watching. The song was for Will, but it was also the only way Mike could truly face his own truth. He fidgeted slightly before taking the plunge.

“Can I show you something?” His eyes were wide, hopeful yet terrified.

“Huh?” Once again Will looked utterly confused. “Yeah, sure.”

Will watched as Mike pushed himself off the ground, long limbs unfolding until he towered over Will in a way that could seem threatening, but instead it made him feel safe. Mike began to walk back towards the house, leaving Will behind for a moment before he realized his best friend wasn’t following.

“Are you coming?” 

“Uh, yeah.” Will called out, quickly rising to his feet. He was slightly unsteady, poorly coordinating his footsteps due to how much beer and vodka he’d consumed. He was definitely drunk.

He swallowed hard, unsure of what was about to happen, but he chose to trust the process. Things had been okay so far.

    Much to Will’s surprise, Mike didn’t lead them back inside. Instead he cut through the side yard back out towards the street.

“Where are we going?” He whispered, unsure of why he was being so quiet.

Mike looked over his shoulder, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“To my car.”

“Why?”

“To give you your Christmas present.” He said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You got me a present?” Will didn’t mean to sound so surprised.

“Of course I got you a present, Will. You gave me one. It would be super shitty if I didn’t give you anything.” Mike pulled out his keys and proceeded to unlock the doors. “I loved it by the way.” He blushed, but Will couldn’t see it in the dark.

“You did?” 

Mike relished the joy in Will’s voice, the hopefulness that came with every word.

“I really did.” He slid into the driver’s seat, reaching across to open the door for Will. “It was incredible, Will. You’re incredible.” 

Will’s face felt hot. If it wasn’t dark, Mike would see that everything from his neck, to his cheeks, to the tips of his ears was bright red. His breath caught in his throat before he could speak. All he could do was try not to panic, try not to stare at Mike like he was the most wonderful thing in the world–– even though he absolutely was.

“I– I just thought you deserved something special.” Will’s voice was incredibly soft and quiet.

Mike smiled at him fondly and reached into the center console, pulling out the small square present wrapped terribly in red and gold paper. He took a deep breath and swallowed down the lump in his throat before handing the gift to Will.

“Here,” He smirked. “You deserve something special, too.” 

As Will took the present, Mike’s whole body felt warm. He was so incredibly nervous and it didn’t make things any better when their fingers brushed ever so slightly. The touch sent jolts of electricity all through Mike’s body and mingled with his nerves. All he could do was watch his best friend twist the gift curiously in hand before opening it.

    Will inhaled deeply, fiddling with the present for a moment. He wondered what it could be. He had some idea–– likely another mixtape, that seemed to be Mike’s go to for the last couple years. But wondering wasn’t the same as knowing and so Will carefully peeled back the paper. It was a cassette tape, just like he assumed. He wasn’t disappointed exactly, he just thought that maybe, based on what Mike said, it might be something else. But if Mike made it, if Mike gave it to him, it was the best goddamn preset in the world. 

“Thanks, Mike.” He smiled before moving to put it in his pocket.

That smile made Mike’s heart melt. It made every inch of him feel light, like he was floating. He had missed that smile so fucking much.

“You’re not gonna listen to it?” Mike sounded dejected.

“Right now?” Will laughed.

“Yeah right now!”

“What about the party?” Will’s eyes traveled back towards Steve’s house. 

Mike scoffed, turning his keys in the ignition to power the radio.

“Fuck the party. I want you to listen to it! I worked my ass off making this thing.” He chuckled, though Will didn’t know it was because Mike was nervous. “Seriously… I– I want you to hear it.”

Mike was utterly serious. At first Will thought it was just Mike being goofy and messing around, but the way his voice softened at the end, the way he emphasized certain words… Will knew Mike was being genuine, vulnerable even.

“Okay.” Will relinquished the cassette to Mike, curiosity thrumming through him as he wondered why Mike was so insistent.

    His hand shook slightly as he handled the tape. Mike almost felt like he couldn’t breathe, like time was running in slow motion and he was wading through molasses. He took a deep and shaky breath as he popped in the tape. He was so incredibly anxious. He’d never done anything like this before, not even with El. On this tape were his most vulnerable thoughts and feelings. He was about to lay his heart bare to his best friend and even though he already knew how Will felt about him, it still made him scared. 

    Will watched Mike. He saw the way his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. It was clear that his best friend was nervous throughout the entire interaction, but he didn’t quite understand why. He was patient as Mike put in the tape, waiting for the music to spill from the speakers. What came next was not at all what he was expecting. A rustling sound filled the car, the shuffling and shifting of fabric and a guitar being jostled.

“Shit. Fuck, it’s not tuned.” It was Mike’s voice. Why was it Mike’s voice?

After several seconds of fiddling with tuning pegs and a couple of test chords, his friend’s voice came through again.

“Okay… let’s hope this doesn’t suck.”

Will’s brows knit together in concentration and confusion as he heard an acoustic melody reminiscent of The Cure start playing. Then came the words. They were words Will didn’t know, this wasn’t any of the bands he knew–– no this was original . They were Mike’s words:

I think I need to tell you

all these things left unsaid

I haven’t been quite honest with you                                                                       hiding how I feel instead

I know I’ve been much less than kind

guess I was just terrified

So I keep on hiding

hoping you won’t see through my lies

It was Mike’s voice. Mike was belting out angsty, apologetic verses that reminded him of Robert Smith or Morrissey. His best friend wrote this. Mike wanted him to hear this.

I was scared of this feeling

Eating me away inside

I know I shouldn’t feel this way

I hate knowing it’s true

I’m just a boy trying to say

That he’s in love with you

And now I’ll say most anything

To show you it’s always been you

I promise I won’t run away

Only try to make you stay

I need to apologize

‘Cause I’m just a fool

Who needs you to know

That he’s in love with you

Will’s eyes went wide. “ I’m just a boy trying to say that he’s in love with you. ” This was for him , Mike was talking to him–– about him. Will could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and he was powerless to stop them.

I was scared of this feeling

Eating me away inside

I know I shouldn’t feel this way

I hate knowing it’s true

I’m just a boy trying to say

That he’s in love with you

I’m sorry I pushed you away

I wish had the guts to tell you

I think I’ve always felt this way

I’m hoping that you might forgive me

See that my words are true

I’m begging you to believe

I’m not trying to deceive you

You’re everything to me

I was scared of this feeling

Eating me away inside

I know I shouldn’t feel this way

I hate knowing it’s true

I’m just a boy trying to say

That he’s in love with you

I’m just a boy trying to say

That he’s in love with you

The tape ran out and all Mike could think was how royally he’d just fucked everything up. Will was crying. His eyes were trained on his lap and he was fucking crying. Mike wanted to reach out, to see if he was okay, but he was so scared he’d just make things worse.

“Will?” He managed.

His best friend just sat there, stunned into silence. For several moments neither of them said anything, until Will wiped his eyes and shook his head, stemming his tears. He turned towards Mike and swallowed thickly. 

“Is–– is that true? What you said…” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Did you really mean that?”

Mike blinked rapidly, unsure of how to respond. How could Will, after all of that, not fucking grasp or believe that Mike reciprocated his feelings?

“Yes, I meant it, Will. Every fucking word.” He felt tears welling in his own eyes. “I love you.”

Will started crying again, but this time there was laughter, too. He was utterly shocked. He couldn’t believe this was happening. It felt like maybe the universe was playing a sick joke on him, but he pinched himself and it hurt, so it was definitely real.

“You’re serious? You’re not just fucking with me?”

“What?!” Mike looked offended. “Why would I be fucking with you? I’m serious, Will. I– I’m in love with you, okay? And I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before. I’m sorry I was a jerk to you… I was scared. I– I’ve never felt this way and I didn’t know what to do so I guess I just kept pushing you away because I was afraid that you would hate me if you knew how I really felt. I don’t know what I’d do without you and I was so scared of losing you that I thought it would be better if we just, I don’t know, if we drifted apart. I love you, Will. And when I realized that, it scared me because––”

“You’re not supposed to feel that way.” Will grabbed Mike’s now frantically gesturing hands. “I know, Mike. I know.”

Mike was sobbing, full body shakes accompanying his words.

“Yeah. It’s wrong. I know it’s supposed to be wrong, but the way I feel about you, Will… the way you make me feel–– that doesn’t feel wrong.”

Will steadied his friend, holding his shoulders and looking into his eyes.

“Mike,” Will whispered. “ I love you too. The way I feel about you… it’s like I’m supposed to feel this way–– even though it’s wrong and messed up, being in love with you feels like it’s the most obvious, natural thing in the world.” He touched his forehead to Mike’s.

“You mean that?” Mike sniffed, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Yeah. Yeah, I don’t think I’ve meant anything more in my entire life.” 

They pulled apart just staring at each other for a while, smiling, though still tearful. Will cupped the sides of Mike’s face and studied him. His chest was filled with warmth and love as he looked at his best friend. Despite how much crying they’d done, this was the happiest Mike had looked since before they graduated high school–– and it was all because of Will. The knowledge that he could make Mike smile like that made Will feel whole. If he never did anything else in his life he would be happy knowing that he had made Mike smile. 

In the front seat of Mike’s car, the world fell away. The party didn’t matter, their friends didn’t matter, nothing outside them and how they felt about each other mattered. Life could pause right here and it would be perfect. Will and Mike let time tick on, just existing near each other. Will wasn’t sure what to say so he just breathed, breathed and looked at Mike. He felt Mike thumb barely there tears off his cheek, all the while a tender expression graced his features. He wanted to stay like this forever. Though time caught up to them eventually, they couldn’t put everything on hold and before they knew it the sounds of people shouting from inside the house stirred them from their daydream. 

“Ten, nine,” The New Year’s Eve countdown, only a few more seconds left of 1989.

Will looked at Mike, studying his face for an answer to a question he hadn’t even asked yet. He stared at Mike’s lips and thought about how perfect he looked, how much he wanted what almost everyone else inside the house had.

“Eight, seven,”

He swallowed hard, eyes flicking back up to meet Mike’s. God, Will could get lost in his eyes, he’d be more than happy to. But there was something else Will wanted even more right now and for the first time in his life he wasn’t afraid to ask for it. 

“Six, five, ”

“Can I– can I kiss you?” Will leaned in closer to Mike, hands still on his shoulders. His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt a little light headed, but he didn’t care. 

“Four, three,”

Mike nodded slowly. Will had never seen Mike look so shy and nervous around him. It gave him a deep sense of satisfaction.

“Two,”

Will leaned in, tentative at first, but eventually he found his courage.

“One!”

Will kissed him. He leaned in and kissed Mike like his life depended on it. It was everything he ever wanted. Mike’s lips were soft and warm and he smiled as Will broke away to finally take a breath. Both of their faces were flushed and Will knew he looked ridiculous with how wide he was grinning–– like a love sick idiot. But he didn’t care. They had finally kissed. Mike reciprocated his feelings and Will had never been happier. Just like the darkened sky outside, Will’s chest was full of fireworks.

“Happy New Year.” Mike whispered. “I’m glad I get to spend it wi––”

Will cut him off,  kissing him again, deeper this time, longer. When he pulled away, Mike just sat there stunned and laughing.

“You’re good at that.” He muttered.

“At what?” Will teased, feigning ignorance.

“Making me shut up.”

 Mike’s features softened, a fond smile greeting Will. It was everything. This was all Will ever wanted. For the first time in his entire life he was actually happy. Robin was right, he could get his happy ending. He deserved this

“Welcome to 1990, Michael . ”

“Shit, that’s weird…” Mike dragged his fingers through his hair. “Not you! You’re not weird–– I didn’t mean it like that. It’s weird that it’s a whole new decade. I didn’t mean you!”

Will burst out laughing. Watching Mike get flustered, seeing him worry whether he’d offended him or not, it made him feel special. 

“I know.” Will pushed hair away from Mike’s face and smiled at him. 

They looked at each other for a moment, realizing once again that they weren't the only people in the world. Will sighed as he thought about Steve’s party. He didn’t want to go back inside, he was right where he’d always dreamed of being and the thought of rejoining a bunch of drunk sweaty people was highly unappealing. All he wanted was Mike.

“I don’t wanna go back.” Mike said, almost as if he read Will’s mind.

“Me either.” 

“Do you wanna get out of here?” Mike shrugged.

“Where would we even go? I don’t think there’s too many places we could…” Will didn’t exactly know what he was trying to say–– well he did, but he was too embarrassed to say it out loud.

“Be alone?” Mike finished his thought. 

“Yeah…” Will tried to wrack his brain for options.

“Well, my place is pretty much a no go. My mom hears everything and–– um, she… she doesn’t know that I––”

“Like boys?” 

Mike turned back towards the steering wheel, the realization dawning on him that he now had to hide shit from his parents even more than he had before. Will could sense the tension rising in his best friend. He placed his hand over Mike’s.

“Hey,” Will was cautious. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything, Mike. If you wanna pretend none of this ever happened, I understand.”

“What?” Mike whipped his head towards Will. “Why would I wanna pretend this didn’t happen?” His eyes were frantically searching Will’s.

“I don’t know…” Will looked down at his lap. “I just thought that maybe you were uncomfortable. I– I know what it’s like to be afraid of what people think, especially your family. I get it if you’re not ready for things to change or whatever.”

“No, Will. I– I wanted this to happen. I want to be with you. I just–– no one really knows how I feel and I don’t know what would happen if my parents found out… But I want to be with you, Will.”

“You do?” The hopeful look in Will’s eyes melted Mike’s heart.

“Yeah. I do. I really do.”

Will relished the affectionate look Mike gave him. It sent a swarm of butterflies all through his torso that fluttered in time with the fireworks shooting off all throughout Hawkins. 

“We could go to my house…” Will was just throwing out ideas at this point. It wasn’t the perfect option, but at least Will didn’t have to worry about getting kicked out if he brought a guy home anymore–– especially not if it was Mike.

“Are you sure?” Mike’s brows knit together. “You’re not worried about your mom or Hopper or anything?”

“No,” Will looked back up at Mike. “They already know I’m gay.” 

Mike looked at him, surprised by the revelation, but taking it in stride.

“And they were cool about it?”

Will nodded. “El and Jonathan too.”

“Oh.” Mike stared ahead for a few seconds. 

“Are you okay?” Will could tell his best friend was thinking about something.

“Yeah! I’m good.” He paused, eyes glancing between Will and the party still raging inside.

“You sure?” 

“El… Does she know how you feel about me?” Mike sounded almost guilty.

“She does.”

“She was okay with it?”

Will nodded, struggling to find words. He knew what Mike was trying to ask. Everything he’d said on the swings made sense now. Will was the “someone else” Mike was talking about.

“Are you worried she’s gonna be pissed when she finds out you dumped her because of me?” Will laughed, trying to reign in Mike’s anxiety. 

“What? No!” Mike tried to pretend. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Sure, Mike. You tell yourself that.” He leaned in over the gear shift, laughing. “You don’t have to worry about El by the way. She thinks you make a shitty boyfriend if you can’t be nice to me while dating her.”

Mike turned beet red. Even in the dark Will could see how flustered he was. It was cute, it made Will smile at least.

“What? There’s no way El said that! I– I’m not a shitty boyfriend!” He protested.

“Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but she did say you couldn’t figure out how to be a good boyfriend and a good friend, so….” 

“Those are two totally different sentences, Will.” Mike scoffed. “She said I can’t do both, not that I’m a shitty boyfriend.”

Will rolled his eyes and tried to stop laughing.

“Fine.” He sighed. “They’re two totally different things that aren’t at all related.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Mike swatted at him, trying to hide his smile.

They burst into laughter, taking in the ridiculousness of the situation. It’s not everyday that someone breaks up with his girlfriend because he’s in love with her brother. It was objectively kind of comical, at least in Will’s mind. I can’t wait to tell Danny and Gina about this . He wiped away stray tears as he watched Mike try to catch his breath.

“Mike?”

“Yeah?” The way Mike looked at him made Will’s breath hitch.

“Do you still wanna leave?” Will brought the subject back to where they diverged.

Mike breathed in slowly, nodding his head. It was clear that he was nervous, or maybe excited–– the two emotions tended to mix together fairly often.

“Would you be okay with going to my house? I mean we could probably figure out something else, but my mom and Hopper are at a party… so we can at least be alone for a little while. If you’re comfortable with that.”

“Yeah, we could go to your place.” Mike smiled at him. “I just wanna be where you are.” God that sounded so fucking corny.

Will tried to stifle another bout of laughter. Yeah, he definitely loved Mike, corniness and all. 

They came to a silent agreement and headed towards Will’s house. For a moment he wondered if he should tell El and Jonathan he was leaving, but he figured they’d catch on eventually that he went home. He was eager for it to be just the two of them. Will slumped back into the seat as Mike pulled away from the curb, finally feeling a sense of weightlessness he’d been missing. He took a deep breath and smiled to himself as Steve’s house shrunk behind them.

 He was bringing a boy home. For the first time ever Will got to do all the things his friends and siblings did. He felt sort of silly, how it made him blush and smile. He just wanted to laugh, it all seemed sort of surreal. He recalled all the times Jonathan snuck Nancy into his room, when Mike used to stay later than he’d promised Hopper with Eleven. He thought about Max telling him how she had to hide Lucas in her closet so her mom wouldn’t find out. The prospect of having the same experiences excited him, more than it probably should now that he was an adult. 

When they reached the Byers-Hopper residence, the driveway was empty. He and Mike were utterly alone. Will breathed a sigh of relief, finally starting to feel sober again. For now there would be no sneaking, no awkward explaining–– though given the circumstances, why would he even need to explain? Mike was his oldest friend, it was normal for him to be there. Will supposed his anxiety stemmed from the reason he brought Mike home. It made him feel giddy, like he was still incredibly drunk, which yeah he was still a little buzzed from the party but that was beside the point.

“So.” Mike breathed as he cut the engine.

“So…” Will repeated, swallowing down nerves that were starting to resurface. 

“Lead the way I guess.” His friend flashed him a shy smile.

They quickly rushed inside, escaping the cold. Once they’d left the chill behind, they stood in the entryway, partially obscured in darkness. Will looked at Mike. He studied his features, committing his face to memory just in case this was a one time deal. It wasn’t Mike’s face so much as the way he was looking at Will, in awe, enamored. Will tentatively stepped forward, moving to close the distance between them. They were barely in the house, but he didn’t really care about being exposed at the moment. He just wanted Mike. He wanted to be near him.

As he moved closer, Will’s breath hitched. His exhales were shaky and uncertain, but so were Mike’s. Will was now mere inches away from him, his heart beating so fast he swore it was audible. He looked up at Mike, staring into his dark brown eyes. He wore an expression of gentle affection, looking down at Will like there were so many things he wanted to tell him but didn’t know how. Will decided neither of them had to talk. He took a deep breath before pulling Mike in close, hands trailing up his collar bones and until they came to rest on the back of his neck, and he kissed him. 

They stayed like that for several seconds, pressed together, holding each other. Mike’s arms were now around Will’s waist, holding him steady. When Mike broke away he felt breathless in the best way possible. He had no idea how much he’d enjoy kissing Will, but now he didn’t want to stop. Will leaned his head against Mike’s shoulder and just breathed in deep. It was clear they both wanted this moment to last and last. 

“Is this okay?” Will asked.

“More than okay.” Mike whispered, pressing a soft kiss on his forehead.  

Will pulled away, clearly not wanting to, but he wanted to say something.

“What?” Mike’s brows knit together.

“Could we,” Will bit his cheeks, swallowing hard before continuing. “Could we go to my room? You don’t have to say yes… I just.” His eyes darted towards the floor, he was starting to feel embarrassed about asking for what he wanted.

Mike blinked rapidly, taking a moment to register the words. Oh…

“Yeah. Sure… whatever you want.” The words didn’t feel like his own, but before he knew it, Will was leading him down the hallway.

The door swung open, revealing the bedroom Mike remembered all too well. It was comforting and familiar. Everything spoke of Will. Not all of it was who he was now, but at some point they were all an aspect of him. It filled Mike with a sense of nostalgia and a flood of memories. Tonight he’d add another one. 

    Mike watched as Will shucked off his jacket and shoes, sitting on his bed. His best friend looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to follow suit. Mike did the same. Despite how nervous he was, how much he wanted to freeze up, he found himself joining Will. He sat there awkwardly for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Mike fidgeted, tapping his fingers against his thigh. He’d never done anything like this–– well he had with El, but never with a boy . He suddenly felt wildly inexperienced and inadequate. His mind wandered back to the day he first saw Will after break started, thinking about what he said about hooking up with someone. Now that Mike knew Will was gay he figured the girl, Gina, was really a guy and that Will likely knew what he was doing way more than he did. 

    Will regarded Mike carefully. He didn’t want to make him uncomfortable or scare him off, but he could tell he was on edge. He noticed the way Mike drummed his fingers on his leg, the way he tried to even his breaths. Instinctively, Will grabbed his hand, trying to steady him–– trying to show him he wasn’t alone and that everything would be okay.

“Mike?” He asked softly.

“Yeah, Will?”

“Are you okay?”

“I think so? I– I guess I’m just nervous.” He sighed.

Will squeezed his hand, reassuring him.

“I’m nervous, too.” He chuckled. “I– I’ve thought about this for so long… I just never thought it would happen. I never expected you to want to be with me… whatever you’re comfortable with, whatever you wanna do, I’m just happy to spend time with you, Mike.”

Mike leaned into Will, resting his head against his and took a deep breath.

“I think––” He squeezed Will’s hand back. “I think I want to kiss you again?”

Will nodded, eyes locked on Mike’s lips. He shifted positions, angling himself so he do this properly. And just like that he was kissing Mike again and Mike was kissing back. Will felt heat course through him, an electric sensation danced across every nerve as Mike held him close. He never wanted this to end, not ever. 

    He needed air eventually and so he finally broke away. Will’s eyes fluttered open and he stared at Mike, slightly breathless with kiss swollen lips. Fuck , he really liked kissing him. Like how Will was his first few times with Danny, Mike was timid. He was new to this, he didn’t know what to do, so Will took the lead. He was feeling bold, braver than he thought he would be. He swallowed whatever doubts he had and went for it. Will straddled Mike and leaned him back him gently against his bed. Mike gasped, eyes going wide as he came to understand just how confident his best friend had become while away.

“Is this okay?” Will whispered, worried he was making Mike uncomfortable, that he was taking things too far.

“Y-yeah. This is okay.”

Will nodded, leaning in, closing the distance between them. He pressed into Mike, kissing him deeply. He wrapped his arms around Mike’s neck and watched tentatively as the taller boy gasped with the contact. Will wanted Mike to enjoy this, he wanted to enjoy this–– to savor every second. So he kissed him slowly, teasing him with barely there brushes of his lips.  He felt Mike hum as he trailed along his jaw, occasionally ghosting his neck. It made heat bloom in Will’s chest over and over and over. 

“Will,” Mike whispered.

“Yeah, Mike?” He pulled away, eliciting a soft whimper from his friend.

“I’m glad it’s you.”

Will’s face flushed, he wasn’t entirely sure what Mike meant by that, but he agreed with the sentiment.

“Me, too.” He breathed shakily before leaning back in.

He moved back to Mike’s lips, softer and more tender this time. Will could feel Mike’s hands on his hips, holding him tightly as he parted the other boy’s lips with his tongue. Once again, Mike hummed, responding to every touch and breath. Will was tired of being subtle, timid, and shy–– of putting his wants after everyone else’s. As Mike’s hands trailed up his back, as they continued to kiss, Will leaned into him more, letting Mike know without words just how much he enjoyed this. 

    The way Mike moved made his chest flutter. He felt wanted, needed. He kissed him again and again, drawing all the repressed intimate feelings out of his best friend–– who was apparently just as impatient and needy as Will. Before Will knew it Mike was pulling off his sweater, his fingers grazed the buttons on Will’s shirt as he asked for permission. Will felt exposed and a little embarrassed, but it was worth it when Mike gasped, inhaling deeply as he looked at him.

“I wanted to tell you Will… when you first came back, when I first saw you–– I almost couldn’t believe it was you. You looked so... God this sounds so cheesy.” He groaned. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that you’re… I think you look––

Will pulled away, looking at Mike’s bewildered expression.

“Hot?” He laughed.

Mike’s face turned bright red. It made Will smile. The other simply nodded.

Mike thinks you're hot. Holy shit.  

“Will, I–”

“Shut up, Mike.” Will kissed him again.

They both sat there breathless and enamored, this time Mike kissed him. He pushed up into Will, chasing some invisible high. Will’s breath hitched, feeling the boy he loved reciprocate his affection, it was everything. He found himself doing almost everything he’d once done with Danny and he was so fucking happy. It didn’t take much to coax Mike into action. Soon he was on the same page as Will. Will had never felt so content in all his life–– not even with Danny.

“Will,” Mike paused, hand resting on the shorter boy’s thigh. 

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” He pulled Will so he was laying down beside him, face to face. 

“I love you too, Mike.” He wrapped his arms around him.

“I wanna ask you something.” Mike pulled him in closer.

All Will could do was nod, he was starting to feel exhausted.

“Would you want to… I mean.” He took a deep breath. “I want to be your boyfriend, Will.”

Will didn’t know why, but he started crying. Maybe it was due to how tired he was or how overjoyed he felt, but there were tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I– I want you to. I want to be your boyfriend, too. You’re the best person in the world. You know that right?”

Mike pulled him in close, just hugging him.

“I don’t know about that… I think that one belongs to you, Will. You’re the most incredible person I know and I think I would be the luckiest person on the entire planet if you were my boyfriend.”

“Consider yourself lucky then.” Will whispered, punctuating the quip with a yawn. “If we start dating, you have to promise me you’ll visit me at school. I wanna show you off to all my friends.”

“I promise.” Mike smiled. “I promise I’ll come see you–– but that means you have to visit me, too. Okay?”

“Mhmm.” Will was growing progressively sleepy, finding it hard to focus. “One more promise you have to make before we start dating, okay? You have to visit me for Valentine’s Day, Mike. I know it’s sappy or whatever, but I never got to have that and I want to be able to do dumb romantic stuff with you. Promise me you’ll come to New York that weekend and we can go on a date.” He smiled into the crook of Mike’s neck.

“Okay, Will. I promise. It’s a date.”

With the confirmation that he was wanted, that Mike wanted to be with him , and that they had one of hopefully many dates to look forward to, Will fell asleep. In his bed, wrapped in Mike’s arms, Will had the best night’s sleep he’d had in years. Maybe they could do this every night. It made him feel safe, knowing he was loved not just by Mike, but all the most important people in his life. He swore to himself just before he faded out of consciousness that he’d never doubt any of them ever again.

Chapter Text

    After they came back to New York, Will decided to move in with his brother off campus. Now that he didn’t feel like he had to hide anymore, Will wanted Jonathan to be involved in his life, to participate in it. He liked having him around, it made the nights when Hawkins haunted him feel less terrifying and made the good days even better. Will needed Jonathan and now he could be there, really. He wasn’t afraid of his circles mixing anymore, in fact they’d become close. Just as Will had predicted his college friends loved Jonathan, especially Gina and Danny. They liked all the same music and movies–– though Gina had the most out there taste and somehow gave Jonathan a run for his money when it came to liking niche avant-garde media. 

The brothers’ weekly Chinese takeout dinners became “all of Will’s friends come over and harass Jonathan for embarrassing stories about him” night and despite how flustered he felt, Will secretly loved it. He didn’t mind Joe and Luis dropping by to help his brother develop photos or borrow film equipment from him–– neither did Jonathan it seemed. And it didn’t bother Jonathan in the slightest when he came home one night to them making out on his couch while Will, Danny, and Gina were passed out on the floor as some silent black and white German movie played. All in all things were good, better than Will ever could’ve imagined.

The start of his second semester was somehow even better than the first–– which Will didn’t think would be possible, but here he was. This time Will got to be himself with everyone. This time around he had Mike . Before they’d left Hawkins and headed back to college, they agreed to tell the party. When Mike found out that he was the last person Will confessed he was gay to, he pretended to be pissed: 

“I’m your best and oldest friend, William! You told MAX before you told me?!

Seeing the barely hidden smile on Mike’s utterly offended face made Will laugh so hard he couldn’t breathe. It certainly didn’t help when his boyfriend tried to draw out an “apology” with a kiss. It just made him even more breathless, even more in love.

For the first time since before the upside down, Will Byers was happy. He was accepted, he was loved, he was in love . As much as he relished in being able to say that Mike Wheeler was his boyfriend, they couldn’t really acknowledge it at home. Sure, His family and closest friends knew and they were so happy for him. Much to the couple’s surprise, El gave them her blessing, saying: 

“ I just want my brother and my best friend to be happy.” 

Things were looking up, better than Will ever would’ve expected. He was loved and the most important people in his life accepted their relationship— even Hopper and Max. And though things were good, it wasn’t like they could go on dates or hold hands or just be. Mike’s parents didn’t know, both boys were certain that would spell disaster. So for the rest of break they were friends in public and in a relationship when no one was watching. Will wished things could be different.

    This weekend would be different. This weekend would be Will and Mike’s first real date. Mike had promised, around 2 in the morning on January 1st 1990, that he would come see Will for Valentine’s Day. It wouldn’t be on the day, seeing as it was the middle of the week, but Mike was coming down from Boston on Friday evening just to see him. It made Will giddy with excitement. He eagerly counted down the days until he saw his boyfriend again. He still wasn’t used to saying it after a month and a half. Hell, he never even thought he’d have a boyfriend, but here he was dating the boy of his dreams. In just a few short hours he’d be embracing him, holding his hand, kissing him . It was a godsend that he had the apartment all to himself for the weekend. Jonathan and Mike had swapped places, his brother off to Boston to see Nancy, his boyfriend coming down just for him. 

Now Will was eagerly trying to kill time at Penn Station. Mike’s train was scheduled to arrive by 6:30 p.m., every second that passed was torture. It didn’t help that Gina and Danny insisted on coming with him:

“Oh but Will, we have to meet the infamous Mike!” His friends ribbed. 

He swore they did it just to see how flustered he would get. He was too polite to say he minded, after all, Gina did offer to split dinner with them after convincing Will they should go visit her new girlfriend. Monica worked at a pizzeria in the West Village and got off not long after Mike was scheduled to arrive. There was a new band playing at the Pyramid club that Gina swore up and down Will would love and that they could make it a double date. Of course he was powerless to the puppy dog eyes she aimed at him, Will had no choice but to comply. He hadn’t told Mike yet, but he hoped it would be okay.

    6:15. Will breathed a deep sigh, sinking deeper into the scuffed up pleather seat. Every minute that passed, the butterflies in his chest swarmed even more and his heart was pounding so loud he was sure the old lady three seats away could hear it hammering against his ribcage.

“Relax, Will.” Danny clocked his nerves. “He’ll be here soon.”

“I know.” Will took a deep breath. “I just–– what if he doesn’t show up?”

“He’ll show up, loverboy!” Gina kicked him lovingly with her all too familiar red cowboy boot. “Be patient.”

Will groaned, burying his face in his hands as he tried not to panic over all the potentials. Max’s voice popped in his head : no what if. Mike would show up. Mike was on the train. Mike would be here and he was here for him . Only 15 more minutes to kill.  

    The wait was excruciating, so much so that Will lit a cigarette. He inhaled quickly, taking in so much smoke that he started coughing for the first time since he started the habit. It was only a little embarrassing. He tried to play it cool, but his friends saw right through the bullshit. Will did his best to ignore them. He drummed his fingers impatiently on the arm rest, accompanied by constant leg bouncing. He was sure he was disrupting everyone around him, but he didn’t care. He was mere minutes away from seeing Mike again. 6:22 . Eight more minutes, eight agonizing minutes until he could lay eyes upon the person he wanted most in the world. 

    More people filled the seats around them, likely waiting for loved ones to arrive or passing the time until their trains came. It made Will feel a little suffocated, but the thought of seeing Mike in less than 4 minutes made all of the overwhelming sensations worth it. He felt Gina and Danny’s eyes on him the entire time, heard them whispering and giggling to each other. Part of him felt utterly embarrassed and the other part of him was full of pride that there was finally something positive to gossip about him for once. 6:29 one more minute until the train from Boston came to its final stop. Will counted down every fucking second so eagerly, he was practically bouncing. When the arrival was announced, he jumped out of his seat, rising so fast he felt slightly dizzy–– though that might just be the realization that he was finally seeing Mike. 

    New crowds mingled with old, swathes of bodies filling the Amtrak terminal as Will’s eyes eagerly scanned the masses. The only thing on his mind: Mike. Seemingly endless faces of strangers filed out brushing past each other, past him. All the while he looked for the object of his affection. After several more agonizing moments he saw him. Familiar curly black hair, a dusting of freckles, curious wandering eyes, and leather jacket that hung so perfectly over his lean frame stood out in the sea of people. He was the focus, the only thing that mattered, and the minute Will saw him, his breath hitched and his chest echoed with palpitations. For a moment he was frozen in time, just watching Mike in awe as he realized: he’s actually here.

    Will’s body language must’ve alerted Danny and Gina, seeing as there were suddenly two sets of hands, pushing him forward, coaxing him into action.

“Go get your man, sweet William.” Gina whispered, giving him a playful pat on the cheek. 

Will swallowed down his nerves, nodding sheepishly before pushing through the crowd, getting closer and closer. And then, Mike saw him. A beautiful, fond smile unfurled on his lips as his eyes locked with Will’s. Will wanted to remember this moment forever, how fucking happy and whole he felt being looked at like that.

    Before Will could realize what he was doing, he found himself sprinting towards Mike. He felt like he couldn’t run fast enough, like time moved in slow motion. He wanted their weekend to last, but he didn’t want the journey to get there to be this torturous. After a few strides he stopped short, colliding into Mike with such force that they both stumbled a bit, Will clutching onto him for dear life. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and held him tight, receiving an enthusiastic squeeze in return. Everything felt right. It was warm and tender and perfect. When Will pulled back a bit his eyes met Mike’s, both of their gazes swam with so much excitement that he felt like might melt then and there. 

“Hi.” Will was almost breathless.

“Hi.” Mike grinned at him, wide and joyful. He too sounded like he’d forgotten to breathe.

    Once more, Will pulled him in close, just holding him for a moment. He almost didn’t care how they looked, who was watching–– though he wasn’t sure if Mike felt the same way. Will desperately wanted to kiss him. Even if they were in the middle of a crowded train station, right now it felt like they were the only two people in the world.

“I missed you.” Will whispered, arms still draped over Mike’s shoulders. He leaned his head slightly into the crook of his neck and breathed in deep, reacquainting himself with how his boyfriend smelled. Safe.

“I missed you too.” A soft laugh. “I really missed you, Will.”

Will smirked, a sense of gratification washing over him. Mike had been thinking about him. He wanted to ask just how much he’d been on the other boy’s mind, what kind of things he thought about. He wanted to know and hear everything Mike Wheeler had to say. But first Will had a question–– a bold one, one he’d be too afraid to ask anywhere outside the privacy of his room back home.

“Can I kiss you?” He pulled away to study Mike’s expression. “It’s just–– I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for the past week and I want to kiss you so fucking bad right now.”

Mike’s whole body stilled for a moment, stiffening beneath Will’s embrace. Shit. I made him uncomfortable.

“You– you can say no. It’s okay if you’re not comfortable… I mean, we’re in public and everything, but it’s different here. I promise. Still, no pressure. Whatever you want, I’ll be oka–”

And just like that, Mike’s lips were on his. He kissed him softly, prolonging the contact as he pulled Will in closer. Will couldn’t help but relax in Mike’s arms, leaning into him and kissing him back. He wished they could do this all the time. 

    Mike pulled away after a moment and just breathed, a soft closed lip smile appearing just for Will.

“I don’t give a single fuck, Will. No one knows me here, I’m a total nobody.” He laughed. “Not that that matters anyway… I wanted to kiss you too.” 

They leaned their foreheads together and smiled, two flushed lovesick idiots caught up in each other. 

“He is way cuter in person.” A bubbly voice rang out from behind Will, causing the couple to quickly disentangle. 

Will whipped his head in her direction, shooting daggers with his eyes–– or maybe it was a plea and a look that begged for mercy. 

“I definitely see why you’re so obsessed with him.” Danny leaned on Gina.

Will turned an embarrassing shade of red.

“Oh my god.” He tried to hide his face with his hands.

“Uh, Will…” Mike draped his arm over the shorter boy’s shoulders. “Are they––”

“My obnoxious and totally invasive friends? Yeah.” 

“Hey!” Gina protested. “I’m not obnoxious. Invasive? Absolutely. Obnoxious? Never.”

Will noticed Danny eyeing Mike. A sudden realization dawned on him that there might be some weird tension between the two of them, seeing as one was his boyfriend and the other was someone he had a crush on and hooked up with from time to time. He swallowed hard, trying not to think about the possibility of them not getting along–– or worse either of them being jealous.

“Mike, this is Danny and Gina.” He turned back toward his friends. “Danny, Gina, this is Mike.”

“It’s cool to meet Will’s friends.” Mike held out a hand. “He’s told me a lot about you.”

Instead of a friendly handshake, he was met with an overly enthusiastic hug from a girl who was all of 5’3” with big curly hair and bohemian style clothes. She was certainly a character.

“Did you know dearest Will never ever shuts up about you?” She giggled. “You’re literally the only thing he talks about.”

“Oh.” Mike blushed, laughing. “Is that true, Will? You’re obsessed with me? Am I the only thing you talk about?” 

Will felt a gentle elbow jab to his side, a now all too familiar pink hue coloring his cheeks. The sudden color overtaking his face was all Mike needed to know his boyfriend had it bad. He relished in it.

    Mike’s gaze drifted toward the boy across from him. He was on the tall side, taller than Will, but shorter than him. He had fluffy dark hair, brown eyes, full lips, and an earring in his right ear. He was objectively handsome–– he could see why Will liked him, Danny . Mike wouldn’t lie–– he was jealous, though only a little. Will was his and he knew it, no worries there. It was just sort of funny, there was something about Danny that reminded Mike of himself. Will has a type.  

“Hey,” He held his hand out again. “I’m Mike–– but I guess you know that already.”

The other boy smiled, accepting the greeting and nodding.

“I’m Danny… but I guess you knew that too!” He laughed. 

It gave Mike a sense of relief. Will’s old fling didn’t seem to mind him. That was good. 

“Are you hungry, Mike?” Gina piped up, disrupting a slightly awkward silence.

“Uh, yeah. I could eat.” 

“Good, because Will promised that you two would grab a slice with me and Monica before we go on our date.”

“ Our date?” Mike raised an eyebrow, a curious smirk directed at Will.

His boyfriend sighed.

“Gina invited herself on our date. Her and her girlfriend. I– I hope that’s okay? I know I should’ve asked you, but it was super last minute.” He glared at his friend who simply shrugged. 

Mike didn’t particularly care one way or the other, as long as he got to be with Will. They had the whole weekend together. One night with Gina and her girlfriend wasn’t going to make or break his experience.

“I’m the one who told you about the band, Will. It’s only fair that we get to tag along.”

“Only because Monica introduced you!” Will protested. “I probably would’ve taken Mike anyway. They don’t card and the music’s always good.” 

“So she introduced me! I still was the one who told you.” She huffed. “It doesn’t matter anyway, you’re not changing my mind. We’re going.” 

Will rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t hide his smile. It was clear to Mike that he found her endearing. 

Her words played in his head however: we’re going. He wondered if that included Danny. He didn’t mind persay, he just didn’t want to think about Will having kissed another guy before him while on their date and Danny being there would absolutely stir those thoughts. He’d get over it eventually. Mike didn’t like that he was the jealous type but everyone has their flaws he supposed.

“Are you coming too?” He asked Danny, trying not to sound rude.

“Me? Nah. I’ve got illustration homework to catch up on. Besides, being a fifth wheel doesn’t sound like an ideal way to spend my Friday night, ya know?”

Mike nodded, a sense of relief washing over him that made him feel slightly guilty.

“Anyway, it was really nice to meet you, Mike. I guess I’ll see you around.” Danny smiled. “Have fun you dumb, beautiful queers. Be safe, don’t do anything stupid, and make sure to use protection.” He winked before bursting out laughing.

“Oh my god, shut up Daniel!” Gina hit him with her bag. “We’re all old enough to have common sense. Go do your stupid homework.”  

At this point Will was so red he thought he probably resembled a tomato. Anytime Danny, Gina, or anyone brought up love lives and the like he turned into an flustered, awkward mess. He couldn’t look at Gina or Mike until Danny was well out of sight and the heat in his face finally subsided. 

“Well…” Mike looked at Will, fingers slotting themselves between his. “That was fun?”

“Something like that.” Will grumbled.

Mike squeezed Will’s hand, trying to stem his nerves, showing him everything was fine and he didn’t mind the flamboyant display of friendship. He didn’t mind the playful teasing. It was clear these two loved Will.

“Pizza?” Gina quickly changed the subject.

“Let’s get Mike settled first, yeah? It’s on the way.”

With all parties in agreement, they headed downtown, dropping Mike’s stuff off at Jonathan and Will’s before making their way to the pizzeria. 

“I’m telling you Mike,” Will smiled wide as they walked towards Bleecker street. “You haven’t lived until you’ve had real pizza.”

“What do you mean, real pizza? Isn’t all pizza real pizza? Sans pineapple obviously, that shit’s disgusting.”

He heard Gina snort as a red awning came into view: John’s of Bleecker Street Since 1929.

“Oh, Mike.” She turned over her shoulder, holding the door open. “You’re so, so very naive. Not all pizza is created equal. New York pizza is the best there is! The real deal. Will can attest–– your little backwoods pizza place has nothing on this and I doubt Boston’s anywhere close either. Prepare to be blown away by the incredible experience that is real pizza.” 

Stepping inside they were assaulted by the wonderful aroma of fresh dough, tomato sauce, and baked cheese. It was almost intoxicating, it made his mouth water and his stomach grumble. Mike had to admit, even though it was just pizza , it was one of the best things he’d ever smelled.  

    Despite the atmosphere that read they should wait to be seated, they were led by Gina straight towards a table near the counter. The petite girl waltzed right up, ringing the bell more times than necessary. Mike and Will looked at each other, smiles and shoulder shrugs exchanged as they took their seats.

“Monica!” She called. Your favorite customers are here!”

Soon a tall girl with short, tousled white-blonde hair, bright red lipstick, an oversized denim jacket and hazel eyes appeared from around the corner.

“Gigi!” She wrapped her arms around her and spun Gina around. She looked briefly behind her girlfriend, noticing the couple watching them. “Oh! This must be your friend Will and his boyfriend?”

“Hi.” Will waved with a friendly smile. “Nice to finally meet you–– Gina doesn’t shut up about you by the way.” Will returned her teasing from earlier in the night. “It’s like she’s obsessed or something.” 

“Oh yeah?” Monica tilted her girlfriend’s chin up to study her face, looking fondly into her eyes. “Good thing I like being obsessed over.” She gave her a gentle, long kiss. 

“Get a room.” Will rolled his eyes, trying to hide his smile and failing miserably. 

They soon fell into a casual, natural flow, getting to know each other, sharing a pie, and talking about everything from music, to movies, to art and literature. It warmed Will’s heart to see just how easily Mike fit in with his new friends. It was like he always belonged. In some ways it made Will wish Mike could be closer–– all the time, but maybe that would spoil a good thing. It didn’t stop the yearning however. For now though, Will could bask in the company, in the light and comfort Mike offered, and the love he felt so deeply. Will deserved this. He deserved to be happy, to feel wanted. 

    Will was prone to daydreaming, to drifting off or just fading and observing. Tonight was no different, though it wasn’t dissociative–– it was thoughtful, enamored even. He watched Mike with such adoration, feeling a sense of weightlessness in his company, how easy it was to just be around him. He almost felt high despite being sober for the past few days. Will was drunk on love. Sure it was new and exciting, but this was Mike. He’d always loved Mike, now it could just be more and he savored every second like it was their last. He was enraptured by him, captivated by his deep loyalty, his empathy, his ability to inspire others. One thing that Will loved most was his sense of humor. Mike was, despite how serious he could be at times, was incredibly snarky and goofy. He wondered if it was purposeful, if it was something saved just for a privileged few. It seemed as though Mike exhibited that side the most around him and El.

    As they were finishing their meal, Will continued to watch him in awe, Mike’s poor coordination and sarcastic persona came through with resounding noise. On his last slice of pizza, Mike semi-missed his mouth, smearing sauce partially on his chin and corner of his lip. He laughed at himself, quickly trying to correct the fumble. All Will could do was watch him, soft smile and hushed chuckles masked behind his hand. His eyes were locked on Mike, how disarming he was, how utterly loveable. Will held his gaze for an impossibly long time, just studying, committing him to memory. Of course, Mike caught on. Will wasn’t trying to be subtle and Mike was an expert in noticing him.

“Oh, do I have something on my face?” Mike raised an eyebrow, a wide grin goading Will. “If I don’t then you have to be staring at me because I’m just so hot. Right? I mean I must look incredible–– that’s the only possible reason you’re smiling that much. It’s because I look really really good.” 

Will couldn’t help but laugh. It was ridiculous, it was a little flirty–– Will didn’t realize how much he liked being flirted with. It happened so rarely before, that at times he didn’t even realize what was happening–– he just thought people were being nice. Right now though? Mike was definitely flirting, trying to persuade Will into doing something. He looked at Mike, a knowing grin of his own taking root, softer though. He regarded him for a moment longer, just enough time for Mike to start talking again. When he did, when he started to say something, Will leaned in close, his arm over the back of Mike’s chair. He turned his attention where the majority of the sauce settled and swiped it with his thumb, never breaking eye contact with Mike. 

Right then, Mike gasped–– a small, surprised breath that told Will he had his boyfriend exactly where he wanted him. It was then that Will made his move. He drew even closer, leaning in until he was mere centimeters away. His eyes flicked to where the small staining of tomato still dappled Mike’s lip and he kissed him. Will kissed the corner, right where his eyes had just been, then proceeded to kiss Mike properly, long and tender. He pressed into him until he almost couldn’t breathe, but it was worth it for the look on Mike’s face alone.

“You’re still good at that.” Mike smirked, the classic Wheeler snark on full display. 

“Making you shut up? Will grabbed Mike’s hand, idly interlacing their fingers. 

“Mhmm. A true and rare talent.” 

Will tried to hide the now very obvious blush, but Mike just pulled him into a playful hug and continued to pepper his face with teasing kisses while Gina and Monica cheered him on, laughing. Will felt like he could melt into nothing–– in a good way for once.

    The laughter died down, a sense of calm blanketing the table as they finished their meal. Will rested his head on Mike’s shoulder, enjoying every second he got to be with him. There was nowhere else in the world he’d rather be. Anywhere Mike Wheeler was was where Will Byers belonged too. He felt Mike’s arm around him, casually draped over his shoulder–– protective, safe. He didn’t even mind Gina and Monica flirting, staring into each other’s eyes, teasing each other, giggling with overt displays of affection. It was nice actually, to have a double date–– something Max, Lucas, El, and Mike had done all the time. It used to make Will jealous, but now he understood the appeal. Being around other people filled with so much joy and fondness, fed into his own desire to be soft with Mike, to love him like no one was watching. For once he could. 

Before the four of them knew it it was almost 8:30. Will remembered that the band they were seeing started their set at 9 and if tonight was like any other night, the cross town bus would be less than reliable.

“Come on love birds,” Gina threw a napkin at Will, hitting him in the cheek. “We’ve got a show to catch.”

She tugged Monica out of her seat, not giving a single fuck if Will and Mike were following. Will exhaled, shaking his head in feigned annoyance and followed her lead, dragging Mike towards the bus stop. The air was brisk, February chill seeping deep into his bones. Will hated the cold, and despite wearing a fairly warm jacket, he was freezing. He felt his pulse quicken, anxious memories trying to claw their way free. He swallowed hard, clinging to Mike just a little bit tighter.

“You okay?” Mike whispered, noticing Will’s distress.

Words didn’t come to him for a moment, just deep shaky breaths and forced nods. 

“It’s okay, I’m right here.” 

Mike stepped behind him, wrapping his arms around Will’s torso and pulling him in close. He pressed a kiss to Will’s hair and breathed with him.

“I’ve got you.”

Mike felt his boyfriend relax in his arms, the knowledge that he was safe washing over him a little more each minute until the bus came.

    The ride wasn’t long, around 10 or so minutes, but strangely Will almost didn’t want it to end. The Mike he’d known all his life, the Mike that disappeared for a while in high school, was back in full force. He was in tune with Will, he saw his distress, his fear, his wordless cues to be comforted. On that bus ride, Mike didn’t let go of him for a single moment. They sat side by side, Will’s head resting on Mike’s shoulder, leather clad arm holding him tight, grounding him. 

“Sometimes,” Will’s voice was quiet. “Sometimes I still feel like I’m going crazy.” 

Mike leaned in, touching their heads together. He grabbed Will’s hand, offering a reassuring squeeze.

“Well… if you’re still going crazy, I guess I am too. Crazy together, remember?”

Mike remembered. Mike remembered. Mike remembered. The thought filled him with such warmth and nostalgia. Will almost felt misty eyed thinking about all the times Mike looked out for him, all the times he was there. He quickly blinked the beginnings of tears away, satisfied with the notion that right now, nothing could take this from him. 

    Eventually the couples arrived at their stop, bracing the cold once again for a few blocks until they reached their destination. Mike’s eyes settled upon a slightly grimy brick building. Covered in hand made posters for bands and artists he had never heard of with bars on the windows, the place looked like an absolute dive. But outside, filing into the building were groups of odd and colorful people laughing, smoking, flirting, and finding their place among like minded weirdos. No wonder Will liked it here , Mike smiled to himself as they followed the flow of patrons and party goers. Hand in hand with Will, he was happy. Mike wasn’t sure the last time he could actually say that, but ever since Will kissed him on New Year’s Eve, the world finally felt less heavy.

“You want a drink?” Will tried to talk over the mingling of loud voices and music. “I’m buying–– no arguing or I swear I’ll––” 

“You’ll what?” Mike smirked.

“I–I… well I don’t know yet.” Will stumbled. He wasn’t very good at sounding intimidating.

“I don’t think you can make threats then. If there’s nothing to scare me from being a good boyfriend , then I don’t think you can really tell me what to do. It’s on me, okay?” He tried to plead with his eyes.

“No. You’re visiting, I’m buying. Those are the rules.”

“Oh, so there’s rules now?” Mike scoffed, pretending to be offended. “Well in that case I think I should break them.” 

“Really?” Will laughed. “Mike Wheeler not giving a fuck about rules. What a surprise.”

“What can I say? I’m not a fan of conformity.”

“Clearly. I mean… you’re dating me.”

The way Will’s cheeks turned red and his eyes darted towards the floor made Mike’s heart skip a beat.

“I guess I have pretty good taste then.”

God. Mike’s stupid, disarming smile made Will feel weak in the knees. Why did he have to be so goddamn charming? The most frequent thought on his mind the whole night had been centered on kissing him, and that snarky grin only made the desire stronger. Just as they moved to close the distance between them, something cold was shoved into Will’s hand.

“Hey!” Gina seemed to appear from thin air, Monica in tow. “We got you some beers. Hope that’s okay? Gordon’s friend–– I think his name’s Bobby? Anyway he’s bartending, so they’re on the house.” 

“Oh. Cool.” Will nodded, accepting the gift.

Gina patted him on the cheek, smiling.

“Catch you weirdos later! I want a good spot and I think you two deserve some alone time .” She winked. “Sorry I hijacked your date, Mike. I hope you can forgive me–– but it’s my duty as Will’s friend to make sure you're not a total creep. You understand, right?”

“Uh, yeah.” Mike was a little confused, but he thought he understood the sentiment somewhat. “I get it. It’s cool. It was nice to meet you guys”

“Ditto.” She waved as she disappeared into the crowd.

Mike looked back at Will, taking in the endearing flustered expression he seemed to sport almost constantly since he arrived.

“Sorry…” Will breathed. “I know she can be a lot, but she means well.”

“I don’t mind. She seems really nice.” He slipped his hand into Will’s.

“I’m just glad she likes you…”

“Oh come on, Will. Who couldn’t love this?!” He gestured to himself, a teasing smile coaxing a laugh from his boyfriend.

“Is it just me or have you gotten cockier since we started dating?” Will raised an eyebrow.

“Hmm. Nah, I think I’m pretty humble.”

Every time he saw that damn smile, Will wanted to melt. He wanted it to be the first thing he saw when he woke up and the last thing before he fell asleep. Mike was anything but humble, it was perfectly fine though–– perfect for Will. He knew it was mostly all talk, that Mike did it because it made him laugh. That must mean that Mike loved his smile just as much. The thought filled Will with a welcome sense of warmth. 

“You wanna get a better view of the stage?” Will took a swig of beer.

Mike mirrored him, taking a sip before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and nodding. It was hard to hear over the sound check and the overlapping conversations going on around them. Mike let Will lead the way, hand in hand. He adored the excitement buzzing through Will, the eager smile he wore as they squeezed through the swarm of bodies. 

    They found a place off to the side, close enough to the stage that they could see the band clearly, but still slightly hidden. They had their own sort of cloistered corner, somewhere where Will wanted nothing else to matter but Mike and the music. Soon after they settled in, the host took to the stage, a group of scruffy looking guys in disheveled clothes fiddled with their instruments behind him. Who Will assumed was the frontman reminded him of Jonathan a little–– long hair, layered flannel, an old band shirt, and a slightly melancholy demeanor. If this band was any good, he’d be sure to tell his brother.

“Welcome to the new music seminar. A few things about this band I want you to notice–– first of all, their hair rules! Second thing, their amps are modified to shit so the sound will be gnarly. And lastly, they’re ready to play on time which means my stage manager’s fucking stoked. So welcome, all the way from Seattle–– Nirvana!”

The crowd around them cheered, excited shouts and clapping encouraging them to start their set. A few bass chords rang out, joined not long after by the piercing sound of electric guitars and a heavy drum beat. The guys in the band immediately started thrashing their hair and getting lost in the music, the crowd following suit–– the energy was infectious. People jumped up and down, some bumped into each other–– shoulder checking and friendly shoving in time with the beat. Will was glad he wasn’t in the thick of it, happy to hide in their corner as he killed off the rest of his beer, experiencing what would later be known as grunge music for the first time. 

The first few songs had the crowd riled up, excitedly dancing along to words they didn’t know yet. It was intense but it was fun. Will smiled to himself as he saw how into it his boyfriend was. He couldn’t help how much he found Mike’s slightly off beat head nodding and swaying cute. He’d tease him about it later. There was a slight lull in the music as the lead singer adjusted the tuning pegs and pedals were changed out for a new sound. Will swore he felt someone watching him, but he was a little too nervous to look. Curiosity got the better of him though. In his periphery he saw a girl with long black locs and brown skin moving closer to him as the music picked up again. She wore a flirty smile as she danced through the crowd, directly towards him and Mike. 

Will’s pulse quickened and he felt a lump forming in his throat. He looked to Mike who was seemingly oblivious, eyes fixed on the band. As the girl approached him, he instinctively took a step back. She didn’t seem deterred however as she entered the pair’s precious space.

“Hi!” She shouted over the music.

Will suddenly forgot every word in the English language. He never really knew how to handle being flirted with, especially by girls . He was always afraid of rejecting people, he hated the possibility of hurting their feelings.

“I’m Kiana!” She leaned back against the wall.

“W-Will.” He managed.

“You enjoying the set?”

He nodded, the music would drown out whatever he would say anyway.

“This is my first time here!” She played with one of her locs. “How about you?”

She was certainly confident, not at all how Will felt right now. She didn't make him uncomfortable, in fact she was friendly and seemed nice, but his nerves stemmed from the fact that he had no idea how to let her down gently. He should at least say something to her, try to be friendly back.

“No, I come here a lot.” He tried to make his voice loud enough.

“Cool.” She smiled. 

There was an awkward pause, both of them fidgeting as they figured out what to say next.

“Are you– are you here by yourself?”

Will tried to find his words. The expectant look in her eyes made him feel a little guilty.

“No–– I came with my friends and…” 

His voice trailed off as the music kicked up again, a new song trying to grab his attention.

“It looks like they ditched you!” She chuckled.

“I– uh…”

Will felt an arm wrap around his shoulder, warm and comforting.

“You okay, Will?” Mike was finally paying attention. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” He lied, trying to hide how flustered he was.

Mike’s eyes darted towards the girl now hovering beside his boyfriend. She was pretty with a nice smile, looking eager to chat. She shot him a quizzical look before returning her attention back to Will.

“You just looked a little lost over here.” She playfully bumped Will’s shoulder. “Thought you could use a buddy or maybe… I don’t know, maybe we could get to know each other or something . ”

Mike felt a sudden wave of jealousy wash over him, she was obviously flirting. He knew this girl had absolutely zero chance with Will, but it still made him feel guarded and a little pissed. He glanced over Will’s shoulder at her, observing her carefully as she laughed and tried to entice Will with the promise of something that would never work. He knew Will was too nice to let her down, that he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but Mike wasn’t above being petty if it was for Will’s benefit.

    As the music picked up again, Kiana kept chatting with Will, who kept trying to be friendly despite his discomfort. The raspy, angsty voice of Nirvana’s frontman filled the space, inspiring Mike to rescue his boyfriend.

Would you believe me when I tell you

You’re the queen of my heart

Mike stepped a little closer to Will, hand trailing gently down his back.

Please don’t deceive me when I hurt you

Just ain’t the way it seems

He quickly turned Will towards him, arm around his waist. Mike’s eyebrow raised, a fond half smirk reassuring him that he had things handled. Mike’s eyes flicked towards the girl trying to flirt with his boyfriend, trying to communicate with his eyes that Will was clearly not interested.

Can you feel my love buzz

Can you feel my love buzz

Now face to face, Will’s expression softened, relaxing with Mike’s touch. He looked entirely relieved, but Mike still had a point to prove. 

Can you feel my love buzz

Can you feel my love buzz!

He slid his hands into Will’s back pockets and pulled him in close. Will gasped, a stunned smile appearing just for Mike. He stared into his eyes for a moment before leaning in and kissing him right as the lyrics transitioned into scream-singing. Mike felt Will’s hand tangle into his hair as he pressed into him, grateful to be bailed out, but even more grateful to be kissing him. They stayed like that for several moments, wrapped in each other, dancing close, making out in time with the music. Will’s other hand found its way to the one Mike slipped in his back pocket and held it there firmly, letting Mike know he was enjoying this. 

    They pulled apart, laughing and panting from the lack of air. Friendly Kiana had a shocked, though gracious expression on her face. She didn’t seem weirded out at least.

“Shit! I’m so sorry.” She yelled a series of apologies. “I didn’t know– now I feel like a huge jerk. I shouldn’t have assumed––”

“It’s okay!” Will looked over his shoulder, trying to reassure her. “This place is pretty popular with gay people by the way–– since it’s your first time here and everything.”

“Gotcha!” She laughed. “Well I hope you guys have fun, enjoy the rest of the set. Thanks for not humiliating me too badly.” She gave a shy wave and disappeared back into the crowd.

Mike burst out laughing, still holding Will close.

“Should I be jealous?” He tilted Will’s chin.

“Entirely.” Will teased.

They leaned their heads together, enjoying each and every second they spent dancing and laughing and making memories. 

    The show ended, Gina and Monica bid the pair good night and they went their separate ways, leaving the boys to their own devices.

“What did you think?” Will rested his head on Mike’s shoulder as they walked back towards his apartment. 

“About our date?” 

“No, Mike, about riding the bus.” Will dead panned “Of course about our date!”

“Best date ever–– even with that girl flirting with you.”

“Seriously?” Will wrinkled his nose.

“I mean she has good taste!”

“But you had fun? It wasn’t weird or anything?” Will sounded worried, afraid that Mike would change his mind about them being together.

“Weird? Pfft, no fucking way. I had a great time, Will. I promise.” He squeezed Will’s hand tight.

“Yeah?”

It made Mike’s heart skip a beat with how hopeful he sounded.

“Yeah. Absolutely.”

Will smiled softly to himself as he unlocked the door. Tonight was fun, exciting–– but he was glad to be back in the safety of his apartment, alone for the first time in weeks with Mike. 

“Now what?” Mike asked as he flung himself onto the couch.

“I don’t know.” Will laid down, resting his head in Mike’s lap.

He looked up at him, studying his features, just how handsome he’d gotten. He always thought Mike was cute, but now that they were grown up it was different somehow. In moments of stillness or longing, Will just liked looking at him, capturing snapshots in time.

“I wanna paint you one day.” He smiled. “For real, not just a quick sketch or as a character, but you .”

Mike’s eyes met his, a warm smile taking shape on his lips.

“I think you’re like, my muse or something.” Will knew he sounded entirely cliché, but he didn’t care. He wanted to tell Mike all of the sappy, cliché things he thought about him. “You inspire me, Mike. I mean it.”

A soft, barely there flush crept across Mike’s cheeks.

“I guess you owe me a painting then.” He whispered, leaning down to kiss Will on the forehead.

“Yeah.” Will exhaled. “I guess I do.” 

They stayed like that for a while, just enjoying each other’s company, content with the way things were. Mike played idly with Will’s hair, a loving look in his eyes. Will brushed his fingers along Mike’s jaw, sitting up to see him better. He moved next to Mike, holding his hand, thumb brushing over his knuckles as he let out a measured exhale. 

“You okay?” Mike whispered.

Will nodded, interlacing their fingers before leaning in, eyes on Mike’s lips. Mike seemed to take the hint and before Will could fully follow through, his boyfriend was pulling him into his lap. Will rested his arms on Mike’s shoulders, a nervous, excited laugh escaping him. Mike drew him in close, holding him by the hips as he kissed him. They fell into a rhythm, melting into the contact, into each other. Will had thought New Year’s Eve was the best night of his life, but maybe he’d been wrong. The way Mike was holding him, the way they moved with each other and explored things Will had long been curious about, it made Will feel like he was on fire, burning in the best way possible.

“I’m glad it’s you.” Will repeated what Mike told him the first time they kissed, now entirely sure of what he meant. 

Headcanons: Mike and Will’s future  

Will becomes an illustrator, doing art for Dark Horse and Vertigo comics and–– it seems very much his vibe. Eventually, he takes Danny’s advice and creates a graphic novel based on his experience with the Upside Down and uses it as a metaphor for being queer in a small, bigoted town–– he calls it The Nether . He becomes pretty well known and appreciated for his complex storytelling and art style. I feel like he’d do art for series like (maybe not the actual series, but stories with similar vibes) Hellblazer/ Constantine, Lucifer , Neil Gaiman comic adaptations, Hell Boy, and The Nocturnals. Jonathan and Joyce are just so proud of him and anytime Will gets a new gig or publication she puts that shit on her fridge or tells everyone who comes into her work that her son’s a comic book artist. 

Mike becomes a screenwriter and works on sci-fi and horror scripts, much to Ted’s disapproval. But Mike does not give a shit. He stays in the closet for a while, afraid to tell his parents. But eventually, in the late 90s he comes out to them. Karen obviously accepts him, though she doesn’t fully understand and Ted is cold towards Mike for a while until Nancy and Karen bully him into being reasonable. Mike and Holly get a lot closer and he’s a really good older brother. He becomes pretty successful with his career too and both he and Will go to comic conventions together to promote their work and meet fans. A dream come true for them.

When gay marriage is legalized, Will proposes to Mike and they decide to have a small wedding because damn it, they love each other and even though they don’t need the piece of paper, they want it. Jonathan is obviously Will’s best man and Lucas is Mike’s. All of their friends and family are there. The OG gang plus El and Max are all part of the wedding party. Mike and Will decide to stay in New York and try to see their friends and family as often as they can. Lucas and Max both decide Will and Mike should be their kids’ godparents at some point. And– They both make the best uncles to their siblings' kids. They get their happy ending!