Chapter Text
Shadow the Hedgehog is, indeed, the Ultimate Lifeform.
His bloody-red eyes causes sharp shivers of pain up anyone’s spine, wiping away any thought they had. His proud posture demands for not nonsense, but reverence as if he is a god. His wicked sneer extracts the color from their faces as they become blanch with fear. Even if he is dressed in ridiculously tight clothing and is surrounded by a bunch of floor fans and yoga mats, all people’s reactions with be the same: Awestruck.
However, that term is relative and describing this hedgehog is as well.
His “ruby-red” eyes provokes a tickling feeling as the individuals blanks out and fails to notice their drooling. His “heavenly almighty”posture commands for them to stare straight at his empyreal chest fur that was peeking out behind his collar. His sneer…(Oh my goodness!)...His “bad-boy” sneer causes them to blush from embarrassment as they busied themselves to flirty thoughts. Yes, Shadow the Hedgehog is, without a doubt, the Ultimate Lifeform…
...instructing yoga to giddy teenage girls.
The girls, humans and anthropomorphic animals alike, giggle excitedly as Shadow begin to demonstrate a couple of yoga poses. Instead of repeating his movement, as Shadow oh-so-desperately hopes for, they all stand there gawking. Even a few of the male students stood in the background, failing to hide their blushes. They all simply await for his luxurious ruby-red eyes to twinkle with his dazzling, white smile, or his ebony-black eyes to perk up so cutely as he stretches his celestial upper body. It doesn’t matter that they had to endure this intense yoga workout because breathing the same air of this hedgehog was worth all the wealth and pain. These idiots will do absolutely anything to be with this hedgehog, even if it means suffering hours in a stuffy yoga room at Emerald Plaza Community Center.
For the Cheap and Desperate , Shadow mutters.
Shadow isn’t completely annoyed by his supposed attraction towards them. Thanks to his (and he quotes) “good looks,” his classes are never empty, full of awkward teenagers who just gawk, shameless old ladies who just comment on how they wish Shadow was their grandson, and the few who actually just want a good workout.
Sadly, that is only a few.
However, Shadow always repeats to himself: Money is money . However, some days, Shadow just wishes that all the ogling would just stop, so he won’t be called “Mr. Dreamboat Express” by one of his students in front of his co-workers.
Like that just would stop , Shadow sighs. “Okay, class.” He claps as he rearranged his mat. “We’ll finish today’s session with a downward facing dog position. Remember to breath as you stretch your body out.” Shadow relaxes his body as he placed his hands towards the tip of the mat. He feels the tensions of his muscles disappearing, and he ignores the sighs of affections from his students who--as he already knew--are not repeating his movements at all.
However, it was alright. This hedgehog didn’t need to bother himself with crazy antics. He has other things to worry about, and his physical attraction curse was on the backside, bottom of the list of things to be concerned about. As the tensions of his muscles disappear, Shadow sometimes hopes that all his problems could go along with it. Not only did he have to pay the increased rent for his apartment, he needed to help pay for his youngest brother’s ever-rising high school tuition. Bills kept on appearing from nowhere, especially bills he has never heard of ( What in the world is Cooperative Living Expenses?!? ). Shadow foolishly thought that having two jobs would ease the burden; however, it was only getting harder for him to endure.
Of course, his other beloved younger brother could help since he has a profitable job. But, nah, he’s too busy as he always tells his family over the phone for his once-in-a-blue-moon calls.
Busy for what, Shadow asks in return. Fulfilling his scrupulous duties of a proud citizen of Egocentropolis? Writing a memoir, specifically on chapter fifty-three of section 1.4 on “How to be a Jerk Towards Your Own Family”? Curing a diabolical illness that doctors figured out that it can only be treated through the power of idiocy?
“He’s a lost cause,” Shadow repeatedly tells his mother. Shadow struggles to take another deep breath to calm his nerves. Stretching his body further across the mat, Shadow attempts to change his thoughts, far from his bothersome brother, the giggling girls, and even---
RING . RING . The bell rings which is followed with the girls’ moans of disappointment.
Shadow hastily got on his feet, concluding the session: “See you all next week!” He forcefully smiles as the girls leave the room giggling frantically and rest giving him flirty looks. He could have sworn that someone had smacked his behind, but he simply continues to smile and then waves for them to all leave.
I’m getting paid , he reminded, wearing out his smile.
“You were so right to sign me up!” They are squealing. “He is so handsome-- Trés Adorable !--He will totes definitely win that contest I’d heard about--He’s movie material--I wish he could be all mine--Wait, he is single , right?” Their tittering continue down the hallway, never coming to an end.
Shadow could only smile.
~*~
However, that smile does falter, especially when news reports indicate that Shadow’s normal route to work was closed for “unclassified reasons.” This ominous announcement lost its zinger when it was immediately followed by a cheap commercial from the “don’t-compare-us-to- Nintendo ” video game company SEGA . Shadow’s impassivity has no bounds since he is more worried about how he should now deal with his boss’s wrath for his tardiness than to even care about what that company is up to.
Teleporting to through the crowds and apologizing as he goes, Shadow finally arrived in front of his workplace, only eleven minutes late.
Please let her be an angel today. The black hedgehog prays as he opens the door to the cheery and delightful place of Tikal’s Chao Garden, a daycare center for the mythical creatures known as Chao in the local district. Shadow quickly scans the waiting area to find Tikal the Echidna, the owner and his boss, talking with a customer in an oversized, black trench coat, similarly oversized, black fedora, and likewise again oversized, black shades.
Either part of the mafia or just hates the sun… , Shadow considers. She seems to be occupied in a deep conversation with the individual to notice Shadow, just entering the building. Or so Shadow believes as he attempts to creep to the back--
“You’re late.” The orange echidna flings her whole attention to the surprised hedgehog. With her arms crossed, Tikal glares at him with a subtly of disappointment. There she goes again with the death glare.
“Y-Yes,” Shadow stammers. “Y-You see…” Tikal’s cold deposition cracks by revealing a smile midway through her act.
“Just messing with you!” she laughed. Shadow was not amused. “Your face is always so priceless! You had a “You better not be serious, or else I might die” face.” She imitates his voice, laughing. Tikal is only a few years younger than Shadow and, when not in her “boss mode,” she acted as so.
“I don’t sound like that.” Shadow grumbles. He always hated when she does this.
“Don’t be such a grump, Shadow. You’re violating regulations.” She wags her finger in the air solemnly. “Actually, my... guest ...here and I were just talking about you...Right?” She turns her attention to the customer, giving him a slight nudge on the shoulder. The figure moves towards Shadow’s direction, revealing the face of a very young boy. A fox, in fact, as his muzzle and peek of his ears proved.
At a single glance at Shadow, the fox flings off his glasses, revealing his sky blue eyes sparkling widely. “He’s you! You’re him!” His young voice echoes through the room as he begins to jump with childish glee.
“Calm yourself, Mi--”
“I can’t believe it!” The fox cries, interrupting Tikal, and rushes over to Shadow as he starts shaking his hand frantically. What is he...a fanboy? Shadow thought. “You two do sort of look alike, which works to our benefit.” The fox grumbles under his breath, walking around Shadow as if he was analyzing the hedgehog. “Oh, he’s going to kill me…”
“Who are you talking ab--,” Shadow begins.
“But, you do fit the bill.” The fox continues to talk aloud to no audience. “He’s going to kill me…” He sings. “But, too bad, I worry about that later…” Before Shadow can ask him again for his identity, the watch on his fox begins to beep.
“Ah! I lost track of time!” He quickly puts on his glasses before rushing to the exit. “See you later, Tikal! It was nice meeting you, Shadow.” Even though the fox simply smiled and waved, Shadow couldn’t help but notice a hint of mischief through his teeth. “Oh, and um…, in case anyone asks...Legal enforcers or a certain hedgehog by any chance…” The person dramatically points his finger at the both of them. “You never saw me.”
And with that, the fox vanished through the doorway.
“How did he…,” Shadow couldn’t grasp well onto a question. “...Who was he?”
“No one,” Tikal calmly replies, ignoring Shadow’s sharp glance at her. “Fine, he’s just a friend. We used to have been coworkers when I was an actor and stuff. Wasn’t he adorable!” Tikal quickly changes the subject.
“Sure…” Shadow, on the other hand, couldn’t let this go. “But, how did he know who I was?”
“I don’t know…,” Tikal shrugs. “The internet is growing these days, and you do catch a lot of attention with that handsome face of yours.” Shadow knows well Tikal is hiding something.
“But, why…?”
“You ask too many questions, Shadow.” Shadow realizes that this conversation is going to be put on hold. “But, to uncloud your clouds of thought, he was here since his company is having this contest.” Tikal hands Shadow a flyer. He looks at it before slightly crushing the edges. “I think he said it was for some anniversary or something. But, the great news is that they are willing to pay the Chao Garden to advertise on their behalf! And! They’re going to use my Chao in their production! Isn’t that sweet?” Tikal grinned. Shadow couldn’t share the same excitement, focusing his attention on the paper’s contents.
Tikal notices his changed expression. “So, if you can hang these posters around, that would be great! Y’know, after you wake up your boyfriend in the breakroom…” Shadow blankly stares back at Tikal before regaining consciousness, looking straight at her sneer.
“He’s not my boyfriend…,” Shadow growls.
“Whatever, you say, Shadow. Got to meet my old man!” Tikal’s smile falters at that thought. “See you soon!” She leaves him, entering the inner chambers of the daycare.
Shadow sighs as he tries to push away the fox and this contest out of his mind. More things I don’t need to bother myself with.
~*~
His Sleeping Beauty awaits him…
...in form of a drooling purple chameleon.
You’re hopeless, Espio , Shadow moans. It was a pity to wake him up, but…
As soon as Shadow attempts to shake him, Espio instantly grabs his arms pulling them down onto the table, flipping the hedgehog who...was actually expecting this. “Beware my ninja...Oh hey, Shadow.” Letting go of Shadow’s arms, Espio rubs his tired eyes to find his fellow employee on the ground, surrounded by broken table pieces. “I fell asleep again, didn’t I?” Shadow could barely nod as the back of his head was throbbing. “H-Heh, sorry for the attack.”
“It’s fine.” No, it’s not. “I guess your practice last night was rough.” Shadow silently groans, ignoring the sharp pain as he sits up. Epsio nods in agreement.
“You got it. Vector was again arguing over the lyrics...Charmy was again in tears...and me, being the mediator, had to again solve the frickin’ problem,” Espio half-heartedly explains, yawning. Suddenly, the chameleon’s eyes flings open. “Oh! Shadow, how did you sleep? I’m sorry! We must have caused such a ruckus last night. We would’ve had practice at Vec’s if he had remembered to pay his bills. Argh, I feel like such as…”
“N-No,” Shadow interrupted him, smirking. “Honestly, it was fine. I slept well actually.” He had lived a floor directly below Espio’s at his apartment building which was fine at first until three months ago Espio started a garage band with his former colleagues, thus creating “The Chaotix.” The name was fitting since Shadow could not get a wink of sleep for the past three months and learned to sleep during the day; however, it wasn’t like he was going to actively complain about it.
“Really?” Espio stares at him skeptically. “You do look pretty well-rested? Is it the same moisturizer you use to get girls after your tail?” He half-jokes.
“Humph,” Shadow scoffs. “I guess I’m just a deep sleeper.” He shrugs.
“In a faraway land where you could be villain…” They started the song for the eighteenth time that night. Shadow was counting as he was on his bed, vainly blocking the noise with his pillow.
“Nono. ‘In a faraway land,’ seriously,” croaked the crocodile. Shadow couldn’t stand his voice during normal circumstances, but now his groggily voice, similar to crackling toaster gargled by a fish, just pains the midnight air and the hedgehog’s sorry eardrums. “What are we some indie pop band?”
“Well, I wanna ‘Once Upon A Time’ because it’s like my bedtime stories!” squeaked the young bee. How did his mother even allowed him to stay up this late? Not to mention allowed him to hang out with them twice his age? Shadow moaned. The arguing about this particular line went on for what Shadow thought was hours until Espio finally cut in.
“We originally agreed that the song would follow with Charmy’s interest this time since he’s the one who gave us this gig,” Espio explained...directly into the microphone, amplifying his voice. At this point, Shadow was banging his head against the wall, hoping that he would soon lose consciousness…
No such luck.
“A deep sleeper,” Shadow repeats, resisting a yawn.
“Heh, lucky. So, what’s the agenda…?”
At Tikal’s Chao Garden, the low-staffed employees really had one job: to take care of the Chao, tiny magical creatures who just needed love and attention or else they turn to rampaging beasts. In the landscape that simulates a typical Chao atmosphere, Shadow usually busied himself with the chaotic dark Chao who grew an odd liking of the similarly colored hedgehog, but today Shadow decides to mix it up to Espio’s dismay.
“Wait? I need to take care of…” Espio moves closer to Shadow, so the dark Chao wouldn’t hear. “The diablos… ” There is a shiver in his voice that Shadow couldn’t have possibly heard.
“They’re sweet today, Espio,” Shadow comforts. “And, I have to hang these posters around first. It won’t take that long.” This time, Shadow heard the panic gulp he guiltlessly hope to hear. Espio could only pay attention to the Chao who turn their heads rapidly, showing off their fangs in a devilish manner.
“Shadow…”
“Thanks! It’s good to know I can count on you!” Shadow grins innocently, but Epsio could have imagined the devil horns that appeared on that hedgehog’s head.
Was this revenge? Who knows?
~*~
“Now, let’s get cookin’ at Carrotia’s Kitchen!” the tiny television chimes near the edge of the kitchen counter. The ingredients laid on the table, the “Kiss the Edge” apron (a gift from his mother) worn, and the show was about to begin; Shadow is ready to cook. His long day of work is over, and he could enjoy the end of the day with a home-cooked meal under the influence of the master chef Carrotia the Rabbit.
“Hohoho,” Carrotia’s signature laugh echoes after the jingle. “How do you do, everyone? Carroterrific, I hope!” She giggles. “Today, we shall be serving up one of my favorite meals from my sweet ol’ Chantenay Rabbit’s Secret Book: Carrot Cake! Well, after today, it won’t be a secret anymore, but I don’t carrot anyway!” The audience laughs along.
Shadow would not admit this as his guilt pleasure to anyone who asks; however, this show had saved him from boring nights in his otherwise lonely apartment. What was wrong with cooking along a cute, ditzy rabbit because one has no friends? Nothing at all.
“Ooky-dokey! First, let’s prepare our carrots! Remember for perfectly thin and even slices, use the trademarked Carrotia’s Cutting Knife, before grating! Don’t be like me and eat some as you go!” Carrotia quickly cuts the carrots in perfect slices as the announcer explains how the Carrotia’s Cutting Knife™ is definitely not a sham.
Shadow attempts to repeat her slicing techniques with the advertised knife; however, each slice was bigger than the last. How does she do it like that…?
DING! DING! Someone is ringing his doorbell. Who could that be? Espio is out with his band, and no one usually comes by door at this… DING! DING! DING! Must be someone impatient… Shadow lowers the heat of his stovetop before taking off his apron. The person begins to knock frantically at door while simultaneously ringing the doorbell. “I’m coming!” Shadow shouts, but the individual continues regardless. Shadow moves through the cluster, he calls his living room, to reach the door. Unlocking the door, Shadow swings it open to see…
The former child star brat of the video game series of his namesake.
The blue blur in all his glory celebrating his tenth anniversary of ditching his family for stardom.
The one and only Sonic the Hedgehog.
Shadow’s little brother.