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It’s been about almost a year since Diluc came home from his journey and Kaeya and him still have not reconcile. Kaeya knows it’s his fault, he knew Diluc would hate him but there was a piece of him that hoped and prayed to the god that he didn’t believe in, that maybe just maybe Diluc would love him the same
It was a stupid hope when Diluc’s flames burned brightly in the rainy night, he swung and he swung and Kaeya defended and defended, knowing that he didn’t deserve to attack, he didn’t deserve Diluc, he didn’t deserve fathe- Master Crepus, he didn’t deserve Adeline or Elzer or the people who watched him grow, he doesn’t deserve to be a prince of a nation that he long abandoned, he should’ve died a long time ago, he should’ve never been the last hope, it was pathetic.
So, what did Kaeya do when these thoughts started? He drunk himself to a state of numbness, multiple times, it was his way of coping. Kaeya walked toward a new pub that opened just near his house, it was perfect really, there alcohol wasn’t bad though nothing can beat Diluc’s death after noon but it wasn’t bad.
Every time he feels like he can’t face Diluc he goes there “the nights flower “it was an interesting name and it was getting more regular customers, not any cats tail and any of the Diluc’s regulars are here though, which Kaeya can’t help but feel like it was strange but whatever can take his mind out of things.
10 drinks in Kaeya feels like it was enough for the night so he paid and left, he slightly swayed as he made his way home, opening his door he feels his stomach churn. In all of his suave glory Kaeya hurried, runs to the bathroom. Slamming the door open kaeya kneels and empties out his stomach, the stench was horrible like garbage and acid were being fixed or mixed together.
I swipe whatever remains on the side of my mouth and flush the toilet. I stagger to the stairs almost hurling at the thought of having to climb the blurred smushed and slightly doubled stairs, so I didn’t, dropping to my knees the floor felt cold, it felt comforting and the cold didn’t bother him that much due to his vision.
A gift from the gods they say, it was funny, the very same gods who destroyed his homeland, decided to ‘’bless’’ the poor poor sinner who shouldn’t even be alive, should have burned along his people, who abandoned his people, who hurt the people he cared about, his existence hurts so many giving them false hope, it was tiring but compared to the suffering of his people, it was like an ant compared to Dvalin. His problems didn’t matter. He didn’t matter, certainly not to Diluc.
Kaeya curls into himself though the cold certainly didn’t bother him but the loneliness that grew in his heart was familiar yet it stunged the same