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Chapter Text

"I'm back! Did ya miss me?" Hu Tao called, swinging her red tipped spear lazily. "Ah, miss Hu Tao, you've returned." The Wangsheng Funeral Parlors assistant welcomed her. "You've just missed Aja- Mister Tartaglia."

"Oh? How unfortunate." She held up a stack of papers. "I was just advertising our mahogany coffin discount. A shame, it's quite the steal, and Tartagles seems like the sort of guy who could use a coffin." Zhongli raised an eyebrow as he took a sip of tea. "Tartagles?"

"Yes, Tartagles, a fitting nickname, no? In any case, what did you two do? Did you make a deal with the fatui on burial rights? If you did, that is perfect, I've been meaning to but haven't had the time. The people of Liyue keep tearing down my flyers - tch, so rude - and don't get me started on the Qiqi protection agency!" Hu Tao's shoulders slumped.

Zhongli inclined his head. "The Wangsheng funeral Parlors Director with her hands full? who would have thought. As for me and Childe, we only chatted over tea."

"Only chatted, hmm? You did nothing else?"
"What are you implying?" Zhongli frowned. "I'm not implying anything," a large, impish grin spread across her face. "I was merely going to comment on how boring that is. But by the way you reacted, I'm beginning to think what you talked about at your little tea party-" Hu tao stopped. A small apparition appeared from one of Hu Tao's rings.

“Boo-Tao, not right now.” She poked the unhappy ghost back into the ring.

She glanced at Zhongli - who had welcomed the interruption from Hu Tao’s pet ghost, was now sitting quietly, looking pointedly away from her.

Trying to become a small presence, the Director assumed. However, she was Hu Tao, she walked amongst the small presences that most would overlook. While she may be childish, she was no fool, and she certainly would notice Zhongli suddenly very interested in the design on his teacup.

Also Zhongli was a terrible actor. At least in Hu Tao’s eyes, while he may be able to fool others, she knew he was a- no, she couldn’t say it.

She clicked her tongue. “Mr. Zhongli, you can’t get away that easily!”

“Now, where were we? Ah, yes,” she paused to place her arms on the table, posing herself to seem threatening.

“When I asked if anything else happened at your little get together, you asked me if I implied something, which I didn’t.”

Hu tao snickered as she continued. “When I asked if anything else happened, your mind went to exactly what you , and you think I know what it is!”

The Pyro vision wielder watched Zhongli’s ears go pink.

“Oh mister Zhongli, if you really did just talk, is it really necessary to hide what you sopke about? Or is it…” She gave him a pointed look. "I know you're hiding something."

“Hu Tao, you're much to nosy for your own good. We merely had a deep intellectual conversation with each other. Must I disclose the details?” Zhongli nursed his now cold cup of tea. “Miss Hu Tao, I have told you the truth. We did not do anything other than sit here, drink, and talk. What we talked about I am keeping private to respect Tartaglia’s privacy.”

“You’re so boring!” Hu Tao whined as she laid on the table, positioning her head so it was below Zhongli’s chin. “I may be nosy, but I need drama! I'll die without it!” She made a choking sound.

Zhongli hummed. “Maybe so, for that, I apologize.”

Hu Tao thrust herself away from him and off the table. “Hehehehehe,” she giggled to herself.

If Zhongli, her underling, would not tell her what the secret is, then a certain ginger would be the bearer of information.

It wasn’t as though she cared all that much about what it was, she trusted Zhongli enough to know it wasn’t anything inappropriate, or that he was trying to take her place as the director of the funeral parlor. But Hu tao was the nagging type, and she wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to tease the old man.

Every time Hu tao had come in contact with her assistant’s friend, she’d been in shock at how tall he was. With an alias like “Childe” it was near impossible to not think he’s very short.

Lo and behold, Tartagles towered over Hu Tao, he was likely even a few inches taller than Zhongli. Hu Tao grabbed her spear, nothing like a weapon to make you feel tall.

Striding out the door of the funeral parlor, Hu Tao started towards Northland bank.

The fiery girl skipped through crowds of people, occasionally sticking out her polearm before pulling it back the moment before an innocent civilian turned into her next client. For what fun was life if you didn't flirt with death?

Hu tao may sell the coffins, dig the grave, and console the grieving. But she truly was just a servant of death, no one could escape it, not even her. Everyone will meet their end, so why shouldn't Hu Tao get them acquainted with it first?

“Eldest Hilichurl got sick / the second one took care, the third one brought medicine / fourth Hilichurl prepared...”

Hu Tao sang under her breath as she climbed the steps to Northland bank.

“State your business!” A gruff Fatui member barked from his post in front of the bank. Hu Tao scoffed. “I’m going to the bank?” She gestured at the door.

Hu tao couldn’t tell, but it seemed the Fatui had flushed beneath his mask - embarrassment, maybe? Or was it anger? He nodded at the door, “enter.”

Hu tao did.

The outside of Northland bank was misleading. The outside made the bank appear small, as soon as you stepped in, your entire surroundings changed.

With a high, vaulted ceiling, dark oak wood, and the shimmer of the Mora that the bank held, it was pretty spectacular. But to Hu Tao, the bank was just another stuffy building.

Aside from the fact that it was run by the Fatui. “Fatui, not even worth the tease.” Hu Tao grumbled - Despite her being there to see a certain Fatui member- her voice joined the many others who were waiting within the bank.

Briefly distracted, she shifted from foot to foot, scratching her sock-covered ankles. Tartaglia, I’m here to look for Tartaglia. She reminded herself.

Walking up to the front of the bankhouse - spear in public view - Hu Tao stood in front of the receptionist, who didn't seem worried about the weapon practically brandished at her. Maybe just annoyed.

“How may I help you?” Ekaterina asked, flipping her braid over her shoulder. “I’m looking for Childe, I have things to discuss with him.” “Mm, Tartaglia is currently busy, but I’m sure we can schedule an appointment with him. You are the owner of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, yes?”

When Hu Tao nodded, she continued. “We can schedule you to meet him in a week. WHat is the nature of the meeting?” Hu Tao frowned as Ekaterina spoke. “I'm just here to talk with him, it isn't a business meeting.”
Ekaterina’s lips pressed together. “We cannot permit you to speak with him unless it has been authorized by Tartaglia himself.”

“Oh Ekaterina, calm down!” Childe materialized next to her, making her jump. Childe laughed at Ekaterina’s shock, while Hu Tao grinned. “Ekaterina, please stop taking your job so seriously, you know I love visitors!” Childe winked as Ekaterina grumbled.
“Hu Tao my comrade! It's been awhile since we last saw each other, and I’m at the parlor often!” Hu tao leaned against her spear. “I wish to speak with you Tartagles.”

If Childe was surprised or offended by the nickname, he didn’t show it. He merely nodded and said: “Oh? Well I was just about to go get lunch, would you like to join me?”

When Hu Tao nodded, he eagerly told Ekaterina he was going on break, and was unsure when he would return, much to the receptionists annoyance.

By the time the pair arrived at Wanmin, the late afternoon sun beat down on Liyue harbor, making the ground shimmer and move with the heat waves.

Most people had gone inside, however, Hu Tao and Childe sat at Wanmin restaurant, cooling themselves down with the ice Xiangling gave them as she prepared their food. Sweating, the blue haired girl ducked back inside the cool indoor area of her restaurant.

Childe rolled his neck, listening to the satisfying crunch and pop of his bones. He smiled. “So, you wanted to speak with me?”

Hu Tao nodded, getting right to the point, she said, “You and Zhongli were talking earlier, and he refused to give me the details on what you two spoke about - very rude - so I’m asking you.”

When Hu Tao finished, Childe laughed. “What we talked about?” He laughed again. “I came out to him, I’m bi!”

Hu Tao looked shocked. She stood up, her chair sliding across the ground loudly. “But you’re like, the straightest, cissest guy to I’ve ever met! And let me tell you, I’ve met a lot of people, both dead and alive.”

Still laughing, Tartaglia told Hu Tao to sit back down. When she did, he continued.

“Well, I’m bi; not straight. There’s nothing wrong with that is there?” Hu Tao shook her head vigorously, but before she could start talking, Childe held up his hand.

“In Snezhnaya, the culture there is, well I suppose you could compare it to ice; cold, hard and unforgiving. Here it’s different, and while I’m not ready to tell the world who I am, I thought my good friend should know, though I asked him to not tell anyone.”

Hu Tao seemed confused. “Why did you tell me then?”
Tartaglia just smiled. "So, did that satiate your need for drama?"

Hu Tao was quiet for a minute. "Y'know, I think Zhongli would have poured all of his osmanthus wine into the dirt than tell me that." She smiled softly. Was it a teasing grin? "You did pick a good person to tell." Childe's eyes flicked around restlessly, unable to settle anywhere, before finally stopping at his feet. The Eleventh Harbinger swallowed. "I think so too…"

A moment later, an orange bear with a chef's hat arrived at their table with the food. Hu Tao grabbed her and Childe's plate and thanked the bear as it waddled back to Wanmin, where the blue haired chef stood like a proud mother watching their child.

The rest of the meal was quiet - a mixture of not having anything to say, and simply enjoying the meal Xiangling cooked for them.

after Childe successfully dropped his chopsticks forty-eight times - she counted - Hu Tao decided to take her leave. Grabbing her spear from the ground and wishing Childe a good day. ("There's no shame in using your hands.") Hu Tao went on her way back to the Funeral Parlor.

･:*:･

"Are you in love with Tartagles?" Hu Tao practically shouts across the docks of Liyue Harbor where Zhongli had been taking a walk. Whether Hu Tao intended to be that loud or if it was just her childish personality, she would never say.

Zhongli didn't turn around, his amber eyes focused on the waves bellow. When she got closer, Hu Tao stuck her hand in front of the consultants face and waved it aggressively. "Hellooooo?"

"You may stop now miss Hu Tao, I heard you perfectly." The Director bounced on her toes. "And?" She looked him dead in the eyes. "Be honest. I know everything."

Zhongli's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't appreciate you yelling such a thing for all of Liyue Harbor to hear. There are such things as discretion, you understand?Nevertheless, I shall indulge you. Meet me at the teahouse, I wish to see miss Yun Jin's performance. Please don't bring any weapons." He said, indicating to her spear.

"Of course," Hu Tao gave a long bow and swept away towards the funeral parlor.

･:*:･

Zhongli was not one to muck about in his thoughts. He was calm, collected and decisive: even at the cost of someone's wallet. But today… he felt as though he was trying to run in quicksand. Because of Ajax. With his easy smile, fun personality and his…um, well his muscles… Zhongli was almost too embarrassed to even think that in his mind. A small blush speckled the archons cheeks.

Of course, at that exact moment did Hu Tao decide to show up.

"Tee-hee, do I see a flush on your face?"

Hu Tao plopped herself right in front of him, obscuring his view of the stage; Zhongli knew was intentional after she said: "I'm not moving 'till we talk."

the Geo user sighed, both hands running through his hair. Quietly he spoke: "I suppose I must…I like Childe, there's no need to mince words." His face was flushed darker now. Hu Tao propped her face up on one arm, one cheek smushed comically. "Thank you for being so honest Zhongli," she slid one mora across the table. "Your reward."

Zhongli ignores the fact that she was obviously teasing him and instead tucks the gold coin in his jacket. Mora is mora, no matter how it is obtained. With a snap, Hu Tao draws his attention back to her. "But for real, do you want me to set you up with him?"

Zhongli looked skeptical. "You can do that? If so, how? And how would I know that it wouldn't become some elaborate way to prank me or otherwise tease me?" Hu Tao chuckled. "Just trust me, I suppose."

"And if I were to trust you, what would you do?" Hu Tao placed a hand on the man's shoulder. "Well, what is something you know abiut Tartagles? Anything, and I mean anything." Zhongli took her hand off his shoulder gently. "Well, he has the most lovely ginger hair."

Hu Tao smacked him lightly with her hat. "And what am I supposed to do with that? Write a love poem about his hair for you to give him?"
"Well I suppose not.… Hm, he does struggle with using chopsticks, and I promised I'd teach him how to use them."

"And have you?" Hu Tao pressed. "No," Zhongli admitted.

"Yesssss!" Hu Tao clapped her hands. "I can work with that!" "How so?" Zhongli questioned.

"With my help, you are going to give some much needed chopstick handling lessons and woo the Harbinger in the process! Isn't it perfect?" Zhongli nodded slowly. "Lets try."

The plan was this:

Zhongli offers Childe the chopstick using lesson that Zhongli had promised. Of course, the Hydro using Snezhnayan agrees, delighted to finally not get weird looks in public.

Then, it begins. With Hu Tao coaching on Zhongli on what to say before each lesson, Zhongli would attempt to… well, flirt wasn't really the right word, - Hu Tao decided she would find a better word later.

The next day, Zhongli found Hu Tao at Bubu pharmacy arguing with the clerk. About what he didn't bother asking. Nodding the the pharmacist, Zhongli grabbed the young director's arm and led her out of the pharmacy.

Coughing, Zhongli spoke. "I have informed Tartaglia that Intend to teach him the art of chopsticks. We have agreed to use Wanmin restaurant as our meeting place, and miss Xiangling has agreed to let us stay - under the condition that we try her new dishes."

Hu Tao didn't feel the need to mention that she had been the one to strike a deal with the fiery chef. "So, when is your first lesson?"

"Oh, ahahaha… I forgot to do that." Hu Tao looked at the older man. "Oh wooow. Fine, I'm just gonna schedule it for you." She poked at him. "Say thank you!"

Two days later, and the meeting was scheduled.

･:*:･

"Ajax, are you bending your chopsticks?"

"Oh…" The Fatui's head shot up. "I suppose I am, but loook!" He showed Zhongli the pair of chopsticks. They were curved at the bottom and twirled togther at the top somehow. "See if I attach something here-" "Ajax, that would make it a spoon, please stop."

Ajax's head wobbled as he nodded. "Of course master Zhongli!" The funeral cconsultant sighed through his nose. "Please, I am Zhongli, you are Ajax; there is no need for such formality."

"Now, to start, you need a new pair of chopsticks…" Xiangling quickly swept by and delivered a new pair. Zhongli saw Hu Tao winking at him from her spot behind the counter.

When food arrived a minute later, Zhongli began. "To hold the chopsticks, follow me. Grip them lightly between your fingers and - ah no up a bit, no your finger don't sit there, alright them let me just-"

Zhongli wrapped his arms around Ajax, his hands cradling the Harbingers own. Carefully, Zhongli guided the other males fingers along the soft wood of the chopstick. Dipping the sticks into the noodles, Zhongli cupped Ajax's hands so he wouldn't drop the noodles back into the bowl. He moved the chopsticks right up in to the hydro vision wielder's mouth, inserting them inside.

Ajax chewed. Zhongli continued helping him use the chopsticks, scooping the food in bite by bite.

"So, do you think you understand the basics?" Zhongli asked as he let go of Ajax's hand and sat back down.

He coughed, a heavy blush was apparent on his face - it almost matched the color of his hair, Zhongli mused.

"I-I do, I feel as though I do understand the basic, thank you comrade!"

Zhongli nodded. "Good, lets us meet up again tomorrow, same time." Childe quickly agreed.

･:*:･

Hu Tao sat criss-cross applesauce on the floor inside Wanmin restaurant. "Well Gouba, what do you think? I agree, they are two pining idiots."

･:*:･

The meetings continued like that. With Zhongli trying to teach Childe how to use chopsticks and woo him at the same time. All while Hu Tao and Gouba discussed the merits of the possible relationship.

One day, Zhongli came to Hu Tao. "I don't know if this working."

"Why? Because he still calls you 'comrade' when all you want is for him to call you c-" Zhongli clapped a hand over her mouth to keep the - likely - inappropriate thing she was about to say muffled. "Y'know, if this isn't going as quickly as you would like, you could try to do a pick-up line!"

"A what?" "A pick-up line," Hu Tao explained.

When the Geo vision user understood, he agreed nervously. The Director seemed well meaning enough, but you could never tell. This could just be some elaborate prank to humiliate him.

･:*:·

Childe and Zhongli sat together, the latter watching the former stab his food with chopsticks. "H-hey Ajax," Zhongli started, "D-do you think you're a-actually a Pyro vision holder?"

Ajax stopped attacking his poor noodles. "I don't even have a Pyro delusion."

Darn it! Zhongli had missed his cue. "Because - um, I… yes you're right. Never mind."

･:*:･

"I'm sorry, I messed it up. The timing was rather hard." Zhongli apologized. "It's alright ." Hu Tao waved him off. "You're just too old. I have a better idea, anyway."

"Tartagles!" Hu Tao yelled towards the ginger male who was currently eating his noodles with his hands. Childe's face split in to a wide grin. "Hu Tao my comrade! How have you been?"

"Yo! I'm not in my coffin yet, so that's okay. Speaking of coffins, can we schedule something? I've heard the Fatui are looking for a coffin supplier? We at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor would be happy to strike up a deal!"

Childe rubbed his neck. "Well, as a Harbinger, that's not really what I do in business. But I can probably get you a meeting with Ivanka, she's the one who deals with those sort of things."

Hu Tao winced; plan b then. "Well then, here's the truth." Hu Tao lied. "I need Zhongli out of my way tomorrow night and you're going to entertain him. I've booked two tickets for the Pearl Galley and they are for you and him, got that?" Childe nodded.

"I won't be late." He promised. Hu Tao gave him a you better look

･:*:･

Night had fallen upon Liyue Harbor, the sky above glistening with stars.
The Pearl Galley shone like a beacon on the water as Childe made his way to the opulent boat.

Once onboard, the Fatui member immediately started looking for a certain amber eyed man. Childe quickly found him sitting at a table, fiddling with a box in his lap.

"Hello comrade!" Ajax greeted him, sliding in to the seat beside the other male. Zhongli pulled the box out from under the table.

It was simple, not very detailed, but still rather elegant. It was brown, trimmed in gold, and a small card attached to it read Ajax in a fancy script.

Ajax took it eagerly, a childish look in his eyes as he tore through the wrapping.

Ajax pulled his gift out. It seemed to be a winding toy. A little red haired boy in traditional Snezhnayan clothing sat on a block of wood painted to look like a slab of ice. The boy had a small fishing rod in his hands, it looked like he was going ice fishing.

Ajax noticed a small winder near the back of the scene. Carefully, he wound it. The small kid began moving. He pulled his rod back, and threw it with a kerplop sound as it landed in the carved hole.

Ajax peered inside of the ice fishing hole. Dozens of small wooden fishes swam, seemingly of their own accord. One took the bait that the wooden boy had placed down. With a click, thee wooden boy reeled the fish in, his face turning to Ajax with a large grin. The machine froze when it ended and the Hydro user could only gawk in amazement.

"Ah, I was wondering why my bank account had significantly less mora in it." Ajax ran a hand through his hair. "I- thank you, it's pretty spectacular." Zhongli nodded, his face a tad bit red - which didn't go unnoticed by his companion.

"How can I repay you?" Zhongli's brilliant eye's met Ajax's. "No need, I am just happy that it pleased you." Zhongli's ears had began to color themselves pink.

"Actually I think I have the perfect idea!" Ajax leaned across the table, and caught Zhongli's lips on his own. The kiss was soft and sweet, a small slice of Celestia in their corner of the boat, away from prying eyes.

Pulling away, Ajax said, "So, um, I actually kind of like you…"

･:*:·

"Eeeee, and what happened next?" Hu Tao squealed as Zhongli relayed the nights events to her.

The Pyro vision holder was upside down, her feet shackled to the wall simply for the fun of it. Her face was flushed red with excitement and the amount of blood rushing towards her head.

Zhongli took a long sip of tea. "Well we talked, ate and just enjoyed ourselves in general." Hu Tao folded her arms. "M'kay, but did he ask you to be his boyfriend?"

When the he nodded Hu Tao started flailing. "Yesss! I knew it! Get me out of these cuffs so I can celebrate properly!"

There was a loud thunk as Hu Tao's body hit the floor, unharmed.

"I am good! You never would have been able to do that without me, admit it!"

"I doubt I would have been able to do that on my own, for that I thank you miss Hu Tao. You are quite skilled in the art of matchmaking." Zhongli said, a slight smile on his lips. Speaking of his lips, Zhongli touched his lips once more. Imagining Ajax kissing him…

Get it together Morax! He reprimanded himself.

Hu Tao grinned smugly. "I am, aren't I? I should open a business dedicated to matchmaking! I'll call it: Hu Tao's Love Locator!" She looked at Zhongli. "What do you think?"

Zhongli hummed in response, taking another sip of tea. "How about, Wangsheng Wingwoman?"

Hu Tao grinned. "Perfect!"

Chapter Text

"Aiya! Zhongli! take care of the parlor while I'm gone, I have a meeting with Tianquan Ningguang.” Hu Tao called to the funeral parlors Consultant.

“Mm, Indeed.” Said Consultant agreed, taking a sip of a drink. What drink, Hu Tao could not tell. Tea? Wine? Hu Tao sighed, it didn't matter.

The Pyro vision holder sighed. What does Lady Ningguang want from me anyway? She wondered, grabbing her polearm. She flexed her fingers around the rod. After a moment's hesitation, she grabbed it.

What would the Qixing do if she brought it, anyway?

·:*:·

“Ah, miss Hu Tao.” The Liyue Tianquan sighed. She pushed her small rimmed glasses down, peering at the younger girl with a calculating gaze.

“I have received several reports saying that you have been threatening the people of Liyue Harbor with weapons and offering to kill them.”

Hu Tao chuckled sheepishly. “Well, who issued the complaints?” Ningguang pressed her lips together, opening a drawer in her desk. She rummaged in there for a few moments. Hu Tao counted each second with a tap on the ground with a tap of her spear.

“Primarily Kathryne of the Adventurer’s Guild, but we’ve also received reports from Ekaterina at Northland Bank, Baizhu of Bubu pharmacy, an anonymous group known as ‘The Qiqi Protection Agency’ and Zhongli of the Wangsheng funeral parlor.”

Ningguang looked back at the fiery girl. “Satisfied?”
Hu Tao’s cheeks were puffed and her face was red. How DARE Zhongli betray her like that!

Letting out her breath slowly, Hu Tao spoke. “I admit, I have offered coffin deals and advertised unconventionally as you might say. But really where’s the harm in that?”

“The harm? Miss Hu Tao, I'm having a hard time believing that you truly believe that threatening the citizens is a fine way to do business.” Ningguang’s eye’s became slits.

The Tianquan pushed some of her silky white hair over her shoulder, letting it run down the front. “If the people of Liyue don’t feel safe here, business will slow, people will not want to visit, traders will stop coming, and I can no longer approve of Beidou's expeditions..”

“Oh?” Hu Tao leaned on her polearm. “Really?”

The Tianquan frowned slightly. “Why is that of interest to you Miss Hu Tao?”
It was no secret that the Tianquan was close to the leader of the Crux fleet, Beidou. Many of the gossipers in Liyue Harbor - who had nothing better to do than gossip over and imagine two random Liyue citizens together, (Hu Tao always thought it had been because they were unhappy with their own marriages) had been spreading rumors of the two being together for years.

Maybe there was some truth in the gossipers baseless rumors, Hu Tao mused.

“Oh nothing, I’m merely a nosey little Hilichurl!” Hu Tao giggled, winking her star shaped eye.

“Of course.” Ninguang stood. “Back to the topic at hand, I’m going to let you off with a warning. If I get any more reports of you attacking the people of Liyue Harbor - and anywhere else for that matter - We the Qixing will have no choice but to take action.”

Ningguang handed the Pyro vision holder a slip of paper. “Baishi, would you escort Miss Hu Tao out?” A woman scurried up, standing just a bit too close to the Tianquan than what would be considered ‘normal’. Her face had a heavy dose of red. “Of course Lady Ningguang!” She saluted.

“Before I leave, have you heard of Wangsheng Wingwoman?” Hu Tao placed a hand on Baishi, pushing her to the side. “No, I don’t believe I have.” Ningguang looked slightly annoyed below her perfect mask of calm.

“Oh ho ho, well then, allow me to tell you!”

Ningguang sighed, folding her hands delicately in front of her, the Geo vision wielder nodded for Hu Tao to continue.

Hu Tao tapped her shoes, making a ‘drum roll’ noise. “Well, since you asked… Wangsheng Wingwoman is a-” Hu Tao stopped. She chuckled nervously. “I actually don’t have a speech prepared, hehe…”

Ningguang nodded. She raised her hand, calling Baishi back with a simple flick of her wrist. “Wait! Ummmm, well Wangsheng Wingwoman is a partnering business! We, I mean, I can get you with your crush!”

Hu Tao’s face was warm, she didn’t mean to fail that badly.

“I could get you and Beidou together, the best part is, my services are free!”

Ningguang’s eyes narrowed. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I'm afraid there is nothing like that between Beidou and me. Now Baishi, do escort Miss Hu Tao out.” The Qixing member smiled tightly. “It's been a pleasure, but I’m afraid I have pressing matters to attend to.”
“The pleasure was all mine!” Hu tao called as she followed Ningguang’s assistant out.

An impish grin spread across her face. “Hehehe.” She chuckled darkly.

·:*:·

Hu Tao stood in her bedroom, a look of utter focus on her face.

If I am to pair the Tianquan with Captain Beidou, then I would need to become her friend. Which I really wanted to do already! Now I have the perfect reason!”

“Okay, so I become her friend, that's the first step… and I’ll figure the rest out later!” Hu tao jumped with excitement. “Now, how would I do that?” Hu Tao paced the length of the room. She twisted her ring, allowing Boo Tao to materialize.

“What should I do?” Hu Tao asked Boo Tao. The ghost’s eyes squished together, its mouth formed an ‘o’ and it blew a short blast of air on Hu Tao’s face.

“Well you're no help.” Hu Tao grumbled, shoving the ghost back in the ring.

“S’pose I just gotta meet her, I think I saw her fleet in the harbor, but I can’t say for sure… Zhongli would know, he’s somehow attuned to everything in Liyue Harbor. Or perhaps it's just his introspective walks along the docks…” Hu Tao mumbled quietly under her breath, tugging her bangs softly.

The pyro wielding girl quickly skipped her way to the old man, who was speaking to a man and woman, both with tear stained faces. Paying no mind to them, Hu Tao tugged the Consultant’s arm. “Need to borrow ya for a second,’’ she glanced at the sad couple. “Mr. Zhongli will be right back, honoured customers!”

“Director Hu Tao, that family has just lost their young son, should I not be assisting them?”

Hu Tao squinted her eyes. “It will only be a second, besides, I have a feeling that their son is enjoying the attention.” She glanced at a seemingly harmless corner in the room. “The dead never rest do they? Though if they did I guess we’d be out of business.” She winked.

“And there I go! Forgetting what I even wanted you to do!” Hu Tao shook her head disapprovingly. “Anywayyyyys, what do you know about Beidou?”

“You mean the captain of the Crux? What about her?” Zhongli raised his eyebrow accusingly.

Hu Tao pushed her tongue into her cheek, giving herself a petulant look. “Why do you say it like that mister Zhongli? It's only for my side business.”

Zhongli nodded. I never can tell with that child. “Well, I’ve heard tales; they say she-” “Yes I know those stories, I mean Beidou Beidou, y’know?” Hu tao poked the Consultant with the bottom of her spear.

“Beidou…well, she’s not as scary as the rumors make her appear, I've never met her myself, though I hear she prefers the heady taste of beer to the decadent taste of Osmanthus Wine.”

Hu Tao sat patiently - well not very patiently - as Zhongli began to drone on and on about Osmanthus Wine.

“M’kay, that’s nice but I don’t really care, Do ya have any beer.” Zhongli looked horrified. “Absolutely not! With all due respect Miss Hu Tao -” Zhongli never finished his sentence, he was nearly inconsolable, running his gloved hand through his hair.

Hu Tao patted his sleeve, politely ignoring the looks their customers were giving them. “I’m sorry.’’ She said sweetly.

Zhongli’s crazed eyes focused. “No, I apologize. On occasion, it is rather hard to believe there are people who wish to consume beer…” The old man bowed his head. “I believe that the Wanmin Restaurant will sell pints, but please. I do not wish to be obligated to bring you back, drunken and babbling incoherently.”

Hu Tao laughed, shaking her head. After reassuring him she wouldn't drink, albeit with her fingers crossed, Hu Tao sent the Consultant back to the crying couple.

·:*:·

Hu Tao skipped her way to Wanmin restaurant, minding Ningguang’s warning and keeping her polearm to herself. Xiangling stood by the oven in her restaurant, talking to the bear beside her, saying something about molded onions and Qingxin petal’s.

Hu Tao walked behind the counter, she stood behind the blue haired chef for a few seconds. “Boo,” she whispered.

Xiangling jumped, then glanced behind her, eyebrow raised. “We serve on the other side of the counter, unless you’re here to give me fermented plum blossoms.” Hu Tao winked. “I’m actually here for something fermented. I heard you have beer?”

“Only the finest!” Xiangling smiled, then frowned suspiciously. “Are you sure you’re old enough to drink though?”

“Maybe, maybe not. Who knows?”

Hu Tao spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince the Pyro Vision chef to let her purchase the alcoholic beverage. It was ridiculous, she wasn’t some child who needed to be babied, right? Hu Tao let the Chef’s behavior go, reasoning that she was that way to everyone - though Hu Tao didn’t believe herself for a second.

By the time Hu Tao handed Xiangling the Mora, and Xiangling handed her the bottle, the sun had risen to its apex of its path around Teyvat.

Hu Tao’s cheeks were flushed with warmth as she said goodbye to Xiangling and Gouba, Xiangling waved and prayed to Celestia she hadn’t made a bad decision, as she had a feeling she had been unwittingly involved in one of the Pyro girl’s wicked schemes.

·:*:·

Hu Tao made her way to the docks where the Alcor was anchored, struggling to balance her spear and the bottle of ale in one arm.

Strong men drink it on sailing prows / they sip their ale and fight the gales with the strength of a fallen god…
Bottle after bottle it sucks it in / the honey color hypnotizes / don’t let us fall prey to the dark side of our drink…

Hu Tao sang, she didn’t know what the song meant, but she had heard a Seaman who’s brother had passed singing it. Supposedly, the Seaman's brother had drank so much he had passed out, and when the ship began to sink, he couldn't' wake up. He was the only casualty.

Hu Tao had listened to the song intently, committing it to heart as she took the measurements of the dead sailor’s coffin, staring at his water-bloated body with a disgusting curiosity.

“Mead and sea, meant to be / but it's not called a lover’s spat for nothing…” Hu Tao continued, watching the rippled sails that belonged to the Alcor as it came into view.

The Polearm wielding girl walked up the creaking planks onto the Alcor, or she at least tried, no sooner than she had placed one foot on the ramp up to the ship was she stopped.

“Hey, you there! What do ya think yer doin’?” A burly man stalked up to her. “You think you could just come barging in here?” He shook his head in disbelief.

Hu Tao looked at him, a small smile on her lips. Somebody takes his job too seriously, she giggled quietly.

“What’cha laughing at, HUH?” The man’s face reddened. “It is YOU who is trespassing.”

Hu Tao’s eyes widened. “I am Hu Tao, Hu as in "Who put me in this coffin?" and Tao as in "I can't get out!" I’ve come to speak with Captain Beidou on the um, details of our contract.” She hefted the jug of beer. “And I have a peace offering.”

Chewing his lip thoughtfully, the Sailor nodded. “I’ll go ask her, stay right there.”

The Funeral Parlor Director watched the Sailor tramp up the deck. She waited quietly, admiring the quality build of the ship. The Elegant carved beast at the prow of the ship, the teal shingles, the way the sun shone through the Alcor’s red sails. The red was almost the color of blood… and fire.

Though Hu Tao could only admire it for so long, and by the time the man came back, Hu Tao’s eyes had glazed over..

“Alright. Captain Beidou will see you now.” He folded his arms. “Come aboard.”

Hu Tao did a mini celebration dance as she skipped after the sailor. He led her across the Alcors main deck, up the stairs and into an indoor passageway. He stopped in front of a door engraved with an intricately carved sea monster. “She’s in ‘ere.” He said, and left Hu Tao alone.

Hu Tao knocked.

“Come in, Hu Tao, Hu as in "Who put me in this coffin?" and Tao as in "I can't get out.” Hu Tao was surprised to hear the Captain repeating her catchphrase.

The Pyro girl opened the door and stepped inside the cabin.

The Crux Captain leaned lightly against her desk, the aura she gave off was so intense, both beautiful and threatening. But Hu Tao didn’t plan on letting it stop her. “Hey ho Captain Beidou!” She waved.

Beidou, who hadn’t been smiling before, grinned. “Come in, make yourself at home! I promise I’m not as scary as the rumors make me seem!”

The older woman gestured to a couch. “I suspect you need something? I admit, I was intrigued when Juza said I had a meeting with you.” She let out a hearty laugh.

Hu Tao grasped the container of beer lightly, Beidou’s attitude was so friendly, she found herself immediately at ease. “Indeed! And I have an offering.” She gestured to the bottle.

“Mm, you sure you’re old enough for that?” Beidou raised the eyebrow that wasn’t hidden behind her eyepatch. “And why is it you felt the need to bring an offering?”

Hu Tao winked. “It’s only a gift, I heard you enjoy a nice drink of beer.”

Beidou laughed again. “You and me, Miss Hu Tao, I have a feeling we are going to be great friends. “ She handed Hu Tao a pair of glasses. The young pyro girl took them and poured the beer from Wanimin Restaurant evenly between the two cups

“That's exactly what I'm hoping for.” She answered with a grin. She raised her glass in toast.

·:*:·

An hour later, and the bottle was emptied, mostly due to Beidou as Hu Tao found the drink far too bitter for her liking. Hu Tao had been quietly staring at Beidou, thinking about the incredible drinking tolerance the older woman had, and also likely making the captain uncomfortable. A member of Beidou’s crew knocked at the door, startling the Director out of her funky thoughts.

“Tianqian Ninguang is requesting a meeting captain Beidou.” Juzu said, bowing his head.

“Well isn’t today full of surprises!” Beidou laughed heartily. “Well I’ll be seeing you later then Hu Tao, nice to meet you and make a friend!”

“The pleasure was all mine! I’ll be sure to keep your coffin on hold till the very end!” Hu Tao winked, swinging her arms as she left the captain's quarters.

The Pyro girl didn’t leave immediately, instead sneaking around the deck, towards where the Tianquan stood on the docks with her assistant Baishi.

Hu Tao crept behind a few barrels and coiled rope, peeking out behind them. “Hehehe,” she snickered.

Beidou strode up to Ningguang, tossing her hair behind her shoulder.

“Lady Ningguang, it's been a while since the Alcor has been blessed with the presence of Liyue’s Tianquan. How have you been?”

Ningguang gestured towards Beidou and placed a gloved hand on her heart. “Well, thank you. I’m here to discuss the matters of our arrangement. While Inazuma is no longer a closed nation, I’m sure you understand that it is difficult to arrange trade. Legally.” Ningguang looked at Beidou flatly.

“Ahaha! You’re still scared of my influence, huh?” Beidou waved her hand. “I get it, but you were saying?’’

“Our next deal?” Ningguang repeated.
Beidou sighed. “I would love to discuss that, but my ship here has some damages, and I can’t ferry any supplies to or from, the whole ship would sink.”

“Mhm, I see, that was an oversight on my part. I had assumed you would be ready to go, I need supplies from an Inazuman acquaintance of mine.” Lady Ningguang sighed, pondering. “I suppose that I could get a member of the Adventurers guild to fix it for you, or…”

Ningguang nodded to herself, before turning back to Beidou. “Very well, I am requesting you meet me to discuss payment, charges and other details of our transaction, Baishi?”

The assistant to the Tianquan that had previously escorted Hu Tao out of the Jade Chamber rushed to Ningguangs side. “Yes, ma’am?”

“When is the next available time for me to meet with Captain Beidou?”

Beidou waved casually when she heard her name. “Oh um, let me see ma’am.”
Baishi said, her face flushing as she opened an elegant scroll.

“Oh, I, well, it seems the next date is after the celebration of Rex Lapis. You’re completely booked until then.”

“I see.” Ningguang said. “Captain Beidou, would you do me the honor of attending the celebration of Rex Lapis’ memory? We can make arrangements then.”

Beidou looked confused. “What is that?”

“It's a bit of a political meeting, ambassadors from other regions will come, it's a strictly private affair, but, as I am conducting business with you, and am hosting, you would be able to attend.”

“Oh, alright then. Is there anything I should know?” Beidou placed a hand on her hip, a devilish smile played on her lips.

“Nothing more than that you should dress formally.”

Hu Tao watched the pair, eyes sparkling. When Beidou returned to her crew, and Ningguang turned around, Hu Tao crept out from behind the barrels.

Baishi stood on the docks of the harbor, looking around anxiously until Hu Tao appeared.
“I did what you asked.” She breathed.
Hu Tao clapped her hands. “I saw! It was so great!”

Bashi sighed and nodded wistfully. “I just hope she’s happy…”

The Director patted the other girl on the head. “Of course she will be! I know best!”
She skipped off, already planning the next phase in her current matchmaking endeavor.

·:*:·

“So, Baishi, you like the Tianquan don’t you?’’ Hu Tao said as soon as she was out of Ningguangs earshot.

Baishi blushed and shook her head fervently. “NO! I just, she’s so beautiful, ohh…” Baishi bit her lip.

“Well, you want her to be happy don’t you?” Hu Tao pressed.
“Of course, I only want the best afro Lady Ningguang!”

“Well then, you should help me!”

“With what?’’ Baishi asked, confusion and apprehension on her brow.

“Help me get her and Beidou together, and before you say anything, let me tell you the plan, because when I’m done you will be emotionally invested.”
When Baishi nodded the fiery girl continued, explaining how she wanted Baishi to convince the Tianquan to visit Beidou to talk about trade deals, then whenever they got to the scheduling of the meeting; Basihi was to pretend the Tainquan’s schedule was full up until the celebration of Rex Lapis, therefore making Ningguang invite Beidou.

When she finished talking, Hu Tao felt incredibly proud of her genius, and Baishi looked considerably paler. “Ok.” The assistant agreed.

·:*:·

“Miss Hu Tao, would you please stop jumping on that coffin, it's making quite a ruckus.” Zhongli said, frowning slightly - he was trying to enjoy his Osmanthus Wine in peace.

“No, I’m too excited for Tianquan’s meeting!” Hu Tao continued leaping from one end of the coffin to the other. Zhongli raised an eyebrow. “How do you know about that, it’s rather confidential?”

“Oh, confidential, hm? Then how do you know?” Hu Tao countered.
Zhongli choked on his Osmanthus Wine. “I’ll go now, I must meet madame Ping for dinner,”
Hu tao snickered. Thought so. “Dinner that you won’t even pay for, hm?”
Zhongli made a helpless noise as he ran out of the Funeral Parlor. Hu Tao continued jumping on the coffin.

·:*:·

It was finally the night, Hu Tao’s plan would finally bear fruit, she was thrilled.
The only problem was that Hu Tao was not invited to the Jade Chamber, so she would have to use her super stealth move to sneak in.

Hu Tao dressed in black, not for any reason other than fun and left the Funeral parlor for the night. She crept to the Yujing Terrace, and up to a small crowd of foreigners, Fontaine, she thought, judging by their accents. “Excusez-moi, vendez-vous la lune ici?”

Somehow, the gibberish words let Hu Tao and the crowd up and onto the Jade Chamber.
The crowd of Fontaine people dispersed and Hu Tao lept into a bush.

Hu Tao crept towards the door - realizing that two Millelith stood guard, she backtracked quickly. She moved into the shadows, making her way towards the backside of the building.

She watched as the Millelith were handed slips of paper, likely verification that they were actually allowed in.
Hu Tao was not one for long, thought out plans, so she dove into the fray the second she could, hiding under a woman's incredibly large skirt.

It seemed successful, until a member of the Millelith stopped the woman, peered under the many layers of the dress, and to the woman's horror, pulled out a sheepish Hu Tao.

“Hehehe…Hi?”

The Millelith kicked her out, but Hu Tao was determined not to give up.

Time after time after time, the Pyro wielding girl tried to sneak in, but each time the Millelith found her. Soon, security had almost doubled, just to keep her out.

Eventually, Hu Tao managed to sneak in, a nice thump on the head did her wonders, as the Millelith guard she was sneaking past didn’t even move as she walked in front of him.

Hu Tao ducked behind a potted plant and crawled under the table where the many ambassadors and others sat. she crept over to where Ningguang sat at the head of the table.

Ningguang was dressed in a fitting gown decorated in gold, and a giant white, fluffy boa. Her attire emanated power - and with the captain of the Crux fleet next to her in a silky purple gown, the pair looked like Queens on their thrones.

It was rather boring under the table, Hu Tao had nothing to do but look at people's feet stuffed into arguably too small high heels and boots.

Eventually, everyone filtered in and Ningguang began to speak.

Hu Tao had absolutely no interest in anything anyone was saying, and spent the next two hours under a table, practically drooling from the utter boredom.

In what felt like a hundred billion years, the Tianquan finally stood and thanked her guests. “And I am sure you are hungry, we have a full bar filled with many, many different foods. If you want to have the food of your homeland or try something new, it's all there. Have fun!”

The Geo wielding woman inclined her head, indicating to the other to get up and socialize. Beidou stood up, moving closer to Ningguang.

“Come with me, business should not be done around others.” She strode over to the balcony, Beidou tagging along like a lonely puppy.

·:*:·

Hu Tao didn’t pay attention to the business being conducted by her two targets, if her plan played out correctly, she wouldn't have to interfere greatly.

Instead, she mingled among the guests and stole hors d'oeuvres. The guests were rather entertaining, Hu Tao chuckled to herself.

“And now, I do believe that me…and him, have a surprise for youuu all. This little one right here will become a wooomann before your very eyesss” A pink haired woman slurred, leaning on a poor brown haired man with dog ears. To most people, it would appear she was drunk, but Hu Tao knew from the glint in her purple eyes that she was only pretending so she could get away with whatever stunt she intended to show off.

As Hu Tao made her way through, she saw the Qixing’s Yuheng staring at the poor, overworked General Secretary greeting guests with a polite smile and eye bags that dug deep into her face. Hu Tao made a mental note as she made eye contact with Keqing.

Hu Tao smiled and moved away, instead creeping up behind a waiter or something - Hu Tao didn’t know, it was just one of the people who handed you Osmanthus wine or something - and knocked them out.

She donned their gear and took their tray, sneaking back into the crowd, trying to see if Beidou and the leader of the Qixing had found their way into the crowd. She spotted them just entering the crowd. Carefully, Hu Tao made her way over to the pair, hiding her face.

She handed Beidou a glass of strong wine and quickly moved back into the crowd, out of sight.

As Beidou downed glass after glass, Hu Tao appeared with another. Over and over again, the Pyro girl served the Electro woman.

When the Captain of the Crux fleet's cheeks became flushed, Hu Tao carefully topped off Beidou’s last glass of the night. She wasn’t going to actually intoxicate Beidou, just get her there!

As the night progressed, the majority of the guests had dranken a tad too much and were going to return to their quarters. Hu Tao lept in a flower pot and hid herself when the crowd thinned out.

Soon, only Ningguang, Beidou, the member of the Qixing and the girl in the flower pot remained. “I’m sure you all must be exhausted,” Nigguang said, “I am as well, have a good night everyone.”

Then, only The Tianquan, The Captain and The Director remained.

“Goodnigghight, pretty.” Beidou said sleepily. Ningguang paused, looking at the captain with an inscrutable face. “Perhaps it would be best for you to stay the night, I couldn’t send you down like this. Who knows what could happen to you, as the Tianquan, I of course need to prioritize the safety of m-my people.”

She nodded to herself. “Very well, I will have the couch made for you to rest on.” Ninggaung grabbed the other woman by the arm and delicately led her to her bedroom.

·:*:·

The Tianquans quarters were incredibly opulent, with one large bed and an entire living room with a large fireplace that blazed quietly. Ningguang shrugged off her coat. “I’m going to get ready for bed, I have spare pajamas, which you can wear.”

“Yay, sleepover…” Beiduou said while yawning, she stretched her hands over her head like a child. Cute, Ningguang thought.

Ningguang returned in cozy pajamas, and with an extra pair for Beidou. She looked around in confusion, where was Beidou? She stood there, thoroughly dumbstruck until she heard the sheets shifting on her bed.

“I know I said you could sleep here.”

“Mhm.’’ Beidou responded

“But I didn't mean with me, in my bed, under the blankets…”

Beidou raised her head. “Is there a problem with that?”

Ningguang flushed beet red, but stayed silent. Beidou watched her silently.
“N-no, there isn't a p-p-problem, you're super warm.”

Ningguang quickly changed, throwing Beidou’s pajamas on top of her. Beidou pulled them off and began snoring loudly. Ningguang crept into the bed, steeling herself mentally. It wasn’t that bad, actually, Ningguang realized. Beidou stayed on her side and Ningguang on hers, Beidou also warmed up the bed, which was rather nice as well.

Slowly, Ningguang began to drift off into a dreamless sleep.

·:*:·

“Ehh?” Ningguang woke up to herself in a dangerous tangle of limbs with the electro woman she had allowed into her bed the previous night. “Beidu yawned, waking up. When she noticed their situation, she grinned.

“Didn’t know you were such a chaotic sleeper, my Lady.” “Oh stop.” Niggaung pushed herself out of the bed. “I’m not proud of it.”

“It's all okay, we all have flaws, even you - though who knows if it's even a flaw?” Beidou smiled encouragingly at the Geo woman. “Do you have any coffee, or beer?’’

“No alcohol for you, I do have coffee, but we would have to prepare it for ourselves.”

“Sounds fun!” Beidou agreed, finally sitting up.

Ningguang took Beidou through a hallway to a small kitchenette hidden nearby. The two began to work, Beidou grinding the coffee beans and Ninggaung boiling the water. Beidou finished quickly and began making a fried filet for breakfast.

As they worked, NIngguang tried to ignore the redness in her cheeks whenever they bumped when moving around, but it still made her stomach flutter.

When the food was prepared, and each woman held a mug of coffee in one hand, NIgguang spoke. “We need to talk.”

·:*:·

“Mister Zhongggglllllliiiiii please stop looking at me in disappointment and get me out of her alreadyyy!” Hu Tao whined from behind the metal bars. ZHongli shook his head in disappointment. “No.”

“I will take you off the Funeral Parlors bank account if you don’t let me out!”

Hu Tao had been found in the Jade Chamber late last night, sleeping in a flower pot. The Millelith had taken her to the prison, Hu Tao wasn’t going to be in trouble with them, but she did have to stay behind bars until Zhongli asked the Millelith to unlock her cell.
Of course Zhongli tormented her by just standing there.

But when Hu Tao made that threat, Zhongli fumbled with the keys, trying to unlock the door as quickly as possible.

When the old man finally opened the door, Hu Tao dashed out and ran towards where the Alcor was docked.

“Beeiiiiiiddddooouuuuu!” Hu Tao yelled as she dodged the crew member trying to keep her from running up to the captain, who stood next to the leader of the Qixing.

“How are you two? Is it official? Did I help? Of course I did! Will you leave a five star review?” Hu Tao said quickly. Beidou looked very confused, while Ningguang looked annoyed.

“Whaddaya mean Hu Tao, help with what?”

“Oh y’know, just my incredible matchmaking skills bringing the two of you together!” Beidou frowned even more. “I am very lost, but yeah she’s my girlfriend now, cool right?’’ she grinned.

Ningguang looked at Hu Tao calculatingly.“You didn’t listen to me, did you?” Ningguang said flatly. Hu Tao grinned.