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Today, Ritsuka got up at approximately 1 pm. The many plushies and dolls she had received as gifts from the others were not ripped or torn. They sat perfectly still on the shelf she laid them out on. There was no one watching her. No one standing at the foot of her bed. No one under it. No one in the closet. No one in her dreams.
Today, breakfast- or, more accurately, lunch- was a combination of some of her favorite dishes made lovingly by Emiya and Beni-enma. Tenmusu and katsu curry. The curry was made with extra sweet potato since she had a sweet tooth, and no onions because she hated the taste. Beni-enma had smacked her wrist after she tried to sneak some more helpings of sweet potato, where she was then lectured about her bad eating habits.
Sure, okay, maybe she was slacking off on her healthy eating- but surely she could be spared the opportunity to eat an extra serving of sweet potatoes?!
She would get the potato another time. For now, she remarked, she would have to do her duties as a master.
After the nice meal, she did some light stretches in the training room. Martha had kindly assisted her with reps and they had a nice chat about the hypotheticals of fighting different enemies. Of course, she had gotten her butt kicked by the very “saintly” servant and had to be carried to the medical ward.
“You need to be more careful, Master,” Asclepius would say.
“Don’t worry! I’m not gonna go down so easy,” Ritsuka would respond, giving her award winning smile that everyone had grown accustomed to.
She was not a hero like those she had summoned.
She was Ritsuka.
She was a coward sometimes. And sometimes she would get terrified of the monsters she would fight. Sometimes she would be mad at the world. Sometimes she would get nostalgic and remember the previous life she had.
But she was a teenage girl through and through, no matter what she did. She wore her heart on her sleeve and wasn’t afraid of getting a bit mean to do what needed to be done.
And, as a teenage girl, her favorite pastime came in the form of playing various romantic visual novels and otomes. How could she resist, especially when Osakabehime personally handed her some copies of games she could only dream of owning back then? How could she, knowing that the bat princess had also owned the limited edition versions of them and showed off the multitude of art books that came with it?
She truly was blessed with some great friends.
Today was the day that Osakabehime had sobbed profusely and handed her a game cover for an otome series that Ritsuka had been dying to play.
“Waaaaahh this one was totes cute! My oshi got so many cute CG’s and he had such a cute relationship with the MC!” The bat princess fanned herself as she squealed. “Oh my gosh, I can’t wait for the sequel and the fandisc! You have to play this STAT, Ma-chan! I need to talk about it!”
“Of course! I have been waiting to get my hands on this!” Ritsuka squealed along with her.
“Now, who you gonna go for? The
kuudere
with the sad past? Or the
tsundere
? Maybe the cinnamon roll? Don’t tell me, is the
oresama
archetype your favorite?!”
“Eh… depends…” She had to admit, she really didn’t have a “type” per say when it came to these games. She usually played the common route and just let the magic happen on its own.
But looking at the cover… the blonde-haired man with green eyes and a charming smile was very attractive. Knowing lots of tropes, he was going to be the princely and sickeningly sweet boy who was close to the MC. Maybe they were childhood friends. Maybe he was a reliable senpai type. He would be protective of the MC and he would be a gentle and tender romantic. He often could cook (something she was admittedly terrible at) and was great with kids and animals.
That was always her favorite story. Two people with different backgrounds learning to love and just be happy with one another, because at the end of the day, love wins! What’s not to love about it?
Osakabehime however, was crying and not so subtly urging Ritsuka to choose the black-haired oresama character. Obviously she would love him, after all, a domineering prince to spoil a fair maiden? Sounded exactly like what the princess would want.
Ritsuka thanked Osakabehime for the game and promised she would go as fast as she could so they could talk.
“You better keep your word! If you don’t, I’ll go on a shopping spree with your money, do you wakarunderstand ?”
“Yes, Okki, I understand.” Ritsuka smiled, beaming widely at the bat.
As she hummed and walked down the hall to talk to Mash, she heard a loud thump and scream in a room.
Oh, that room.
Yeah. That’s his…
Worry settled in as she went to the worst case scenario in her mind. What if Kadoc did the unthinkable?
She rushed in as fast as she could, dropping the game outside his room in the process.
“Are you okay? I heard a scream-”
“Get the hell away from me!” He cried. She gasped at his state. He looked positively awful, and despite their earlier misgivings… she couldn’t help but feel pity.
He looked terrible. He was bleeding at the knuckles and they were quickly swelling and turning red. The wall had traces of blood and his face was stained with tears.
Even if they were not supposed to be friends, the state he was in was horrible, and she ran to his side. He was in a lot of pain and she couldn’t ignore that. How could anyone ignore someone so hurt?
She reached out for his arm and he slapped it away from her. She was taken aback by his aggressiveness at he growled at her like an animal.
“Don’t touch me! Haven’t you done enough?! Get the hell out of here! Don’t touch me! Don’t even look at me you worthless freak!”
Freak…? What was he even talking about?
“Haven’t you done enough? You already took everything from me. Don’t act like you give a shit about me. You’re just a liar pretending to be a hero.” Kadoc babbled, trying to catch his breath.
Oh…
“You can think what you want. I don’t really care. I’m not trying to act like a hero. I just think it’s a waste to have you get hurt like that.” She tried to get him to calm down. In her head, she wasn’t even anything worthy of being called a hero. She was just Ritsuka. She was just her. Just human.
Wasn’t it human nature to wanna help others, no matter how they had wronged you?
A grin formed on his face, but it was cold and ruthless.
“Oh, how kind of you. I’m sure that’s what you thought when you killed all her people.”
Oh… Anastasia.
“Well, you did get me there. I admit that after a while, it just becomes second nature. I don’t wanna die. And I don’t want my friends to die. So one of us had to go. And I won, so, that’s that.”
She could have been nicer, sure. But she was losing her patience. A small, tiny part of her was happy to be able to shut him down and flaunt that she had won. It was a hard, terrible battle, but she had beat him after he had hurled insult after insult at her.
His face had contorted to one she couldn’t understand. Was it anger? Fear? Sadness? Maybe it was all those things. Whatever it was, he was not coping well.
“You… thinking you won? What the hell? Are you that much of a freak, you don’t even feel sorry for what you did?” Kadoc shakily asked. She could hear how much he was straining himself, and she could only stare down at him.
That was unfair. That was cruel and uncalled for.
How dare he? How dare he say that? After what he did? After what all those people did to try and live? And he dared to mock them?
She couldn’t maintain her composure. She normally was good at being lax, but something about today and dealing with him was not good for her. She could feel the venom bubbling up her throat as the words she had wanted to say spat up.
“Did you feel sorry when you invaded Earth? Did you feel sorry when you killed Da Vinci? Did you feel sorry when all those people in your Lostbelt died? Did you?” She lectured him.
How dare he? How dare he?
How dare he say that after Salieri, after Billy, after Atalante, after Beowulf, after Patxi? After they all died because of him? That was his fault. If he didn’t wanna to fight, he shouldn’t have gone looking for one.
If he didn’t want to get beaten up, he shouldn’t have started it. He shouldn’t have killed Da Vinci, and he shouldn’t have gone after MY friends.
She was bitter and angry. She was trying, really, she was trying to be nice, but god, he was making it difficult. It wasn’t her fault he decided to fight her. It wasn’t her fault at all! If he had just not done anything with his stupid Crypter friends, she could have gone home peacefully and not have to save the world again. She could’ve gotten her severance and maybe be a bit sad about leaving Chaldea, but that was her business! Fighting again was not the plan!
She grit her teeth and exhaled. She couldn’t lose herself like that. Crying was not going to bring Da Vinci back. It was not going to save the world or fix anything. Just like Romani taught her. Breathe. Relax.
“I know that most Magi aren’t the most down-to-earth, but you could show a little respect. You did the same thing as me. You knew damn well what you were doing, and you did it anyway. You fought and lost. All those people were suffering, and you let them, Kadoc. You didn’t care about them. Just like you didn’t care about my friends that you hurt. I can’t just forgive that.” The words overflowed as she explained herself. She wanted to cry.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry like a coward. He’s just a jerk. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. You’re not a baby. You’re strong. You’re strong! Super strong! That’s why you saved the world! Just don’t cry and let him win!
She blinked back her tears and felt like she was choking on her tongue. She was angry. She hated him.
Ritsuka hated him very much.
I know it’s wrong, but I really hate him. I know it’s bad to hate people but am I not justified here? Why am I the one he blames? It’s not my fault! It’s not! It’s his!
“Then why don’t you kill me, huh? You think it’s funny to watch me cry and beg for life? Tryna make me go nuts or something? That your twisted revenge?” He yelled.
She blank and his words replayed in her mind.
Is that what he sees me as? As a mean, bloodthirsty killer? I’m not a killer… I’m not a bad guy. Sure, I stumbled and yes I did some things but… I am not bad. I tried my hardest. And that’s all I can live with.
“No. Not at all. I don’t believe we’re born to be killers, I guess. I have no reason to kill you.”
That’s right. No matter how much I hate him, I could never kill him. I would never. It’s not right to take someone else’s life away. Killing him won’t bring back Da Vinci or the others. Nothing would change.
“What do you mean? You just gave plenty of reasons to kill me. So why don’t you?”
“What would you dying do? You’re not getting out of any of this easy by dying. That’s cheap and lazy.” She thought of how it felt wrong when she watched a show and the criminal just died without repentance. How when she played a game the villain would be removed without giving them a chance. It would be wrong to kill him. Not when he was in the same boat as her. Life may not be like the movies or her sweet games, but that was a risk she was willing to take. It was not her job to kill him- she was only tasked with saving the world. Not killing.
She had an idea.
“Your punishment is to live. Don’t waste her sacrifice and all those who died for her and you. If you wanna make it up to her and to me, never, ever fall to your knees again.” She stated proudly, resting her hands on her hips.
She turned around and began walking towards the door, a proud smile on her face at braving the storm head on.
Nailed it!
Romani, Da Vinci, that sounded so cool, right? Am I doing this correctly?
She was about to step out of the room when she paused.
This is life or death for the world again. I don’t have the luxury to be picky. We need all the help we can get. I have to believe in him. I don’t have much else to go off of… I need everything I can.
“For what it’s worth…”, I need to make this count, “I’m glad you’re alive. The world can be saved. Heh. I’ll call one of the medical staff for you in a bit.”
Ritsuka let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and closed the door behind her.
She leaned against it and reflected on the conversation.
Or, maybe argument was the better word.
Kadoc… Kadoc Zemlupus… I know nothing about him. I don’t even know what he could provide. I need to think smarter about this. We lost Da Vinci and Romani, and Mash is not doing so well. I can’t rely on everyone else to pick up my slack. If I have to fight this Alien God and these “Crypters”, I need to get information from the source. But how can I even do that? He certainly hates me.
And I… I don’t like him much, either.
I need to talk to Mash. She can talk more about him.
She noticed her game on the floor, lodged on the ground after she threw it. Ritsuka picked it up and noticed a small dent on the package.
Shoot. Osakabehime would definitely fine her for that. She examined the guys on screen and smiled to herself.
Well, I think I deserve a break. I can ask Mash and play this as my treat! I’m so excited to try it!
Okay. Serious face. Work hard, play hard. You can do it, Ritsuka.
“Mash? Can I talk to you?” Ritsuka knocked on the open door and wiped her hands on her skirt. She had ran over after calling a nurse to help Kadoc, and she grimaced at how sweaty she must have looked.
Mash gave a surprised look before patting the side of her bed. The two had done this plenty of times, although, with all the issues that were happening in the Lostbelt, this was a rarer occurrence than Ritsuka would have liked. Ritsuka jumped on the bed and laid down across it, her head hanging off the side.
“ Senpai, what’s wrong,” Mash asked, “You look pretty tired.”
“Mash, I know it’s hard but can you tell me more about Kadoc?” Ritsuka asked bluntly.
“Eh? Kadoc…I don’t really know if there is much to talk about. Nothing that hasn’t already been said.” Mash pondered.
“Nothing at all?”
“Um…Kadoc didn’t talk much with me. I am sorry. He was usually reading and stood behind. Did something happen to him?”
“No. Not really. But I was thinking about trying to have him help us. We lost a lot of staff and…” She trailed off and Mash nodded.
She knew Ritsuka was talking about her. Her connection with Galahad had weakened significantly and fighting in Russia had taken much more energy than it should have.
“And… he knows about the Crypters and the Alien God. He can give us more information that we don’t have. We’re desperate right now, and I can’t have people waste their time on me to protect me. We need to find the truth and stop them.”
That was a half truth.
I can’t live forever. I am not a hero. I don’t have anything special about me. Kadoc could help. Kadoc is better and stronger, and he understands magecraft and what’s going on more than others. He could help if I…
She snapped back to reality. There was no time for that kind of thinking. She was alive now. She had to stay alive for Chaldea and the world.
But it was nice to have a backup plan. Just like Da Vinci did.
“I just don’t know how to get him to say those things. I know I could have someone else handle it and get it out of him but I am afraid. I don’t want him to get hurt. I may not like the situation we were in but it’s not right to hurt him back. He is already scarred and sad. He’s like a beaten down puppy…”
Ritsuka acknowledged her involvement in being the reason he was hurt. After all, she was the one who killed Anastasia. By all means she was a murderer in his eyes. Even if she felt justified, she knew that it still did not erase her mistakes. She had to kill Anastasia. She had to kill everyone in Russia. She had to kill Kadoc’s last semblance of hope and his dreams.
All for survival. Everything for survival.
She couldn’t just start making demands of him or keep him hostage. With the involvement of the Sirius Light, Ritsuka had no clue what he was capable of, nor what would happen if the other Crypters decided to get involved. She needed to play it safe and keep him relatively amicable to Chaldea. At least then they could have an extra helping hand.
“Ritsuka…” Mash began, using Ritsuka’s name as a way to tell her she was being serious, “I honestly don’t think you could get Kadoc to comply. He can be kind, but he’s a pessimist through and through. He’s going to take those events to heart and most likely will never recover. That’s just who he is. We may have been teammates once but I can’t recognize him anymore. This Lostbelt just sealed the deal- we are not friends anymore. And, to be completely truthful… I don’t think I can forgive him yet. Especially when he was so ready to hurt you after he hurt Da Vinci. I don’t trust him to help Chaldea.”
Ritsuka sat upright and stared at Mash. Compared to the usually kind and understanding friend she was, she sounded frustrated and upset.
“Mash, does Kadoc being here bother you that much?” Ritsuka asked softly.
“In a way, yes and no. I wish we could be friends. I am mad that despite us having been a team before, I have no power with them. I have nothing to offer to be of use to anyone here. It would be one thing if I could at least talk to Kadoc, but he already has admitted he thought I would be disposed of. But now I am stuck without Galahad, and I can’t even talk to my old teammate. I am useless right now. And it hurts. It hurts that I had to sit by and watch you get hurt because I can’t do anything!” Mash cried, rubbing her eyes profusely with her sleeves.
Ritsuka threw her arms around Mash and soothingly rubbed circles on her back.
“Mash, don’t say that. Ever. You are not useless. You’ve saved me so many times, and you’ve given so much to me. This conversation was helpful, too. You’re my best friend, and I need you, always. That won’t change. Some dumb boy won’t change that, either. He can be sad all he wants, but that doesn’t excuse any comments towards you. You’re special and helpful as you are, Mash. You don’t need to provide anything.”
“ Senpai … thank you…” Mash sniffled into Ritsuka’s chest. “Here you are, asking me for help and I make you help me instead. I really have a lot of work to do.”
“You can do it at your own pace, Mash. It’s not a race. We both have a lot of growing to do.” Ritsuka smiled. “Right now, we gotta give it our all. You can’t doubt yourself when you have come so far.”
“You’re right. You’re always so strong, Ritsuka. I wish I could be like you.”
Ritsuka froze.
Strong.
She was not strong.
She was just Ritsuka. Nothing else.
And she was just an ordinary girl.
“Y-yeah, you’re welcome, Mash. Anytime.” Ritsuka responded, awkwardly holding onto Mash.
Maybe Mash is right, and I shouldn’t bother with him. It’s way too complicated for me to attempt just yet. I should warn the staff to keep an eye on him. He can’t use magic but he could still be a danger to himself or attempt to contact others. I can’t have him use that opportunity to get back at us.
This is really tiring…I could use a nice nap.
Ritsuka learned right away from being in Chaldea that every minute you could spend sleeping, should be spent sleeping. At any moment she could be needed, and she needed to rest for that possibility. After the conversation with Mash, she was far too tired to process anything. Emotions and logistics were beyond her capabilities, and she recognized she wasn’t as smart or great as her companions. She could surely offer a bit of help, but a bit didn’t matter when the world was at stake, especially in the face of even more loss of personnel.
After a dreamless sleep, one that left her even more exhausted than before she slept, she stared at the ceiling.
It is dark in the room.
It is silent.
And the reality of the loneliness that being a “savior” has done to her kicks in.
Strong. Powerful. Great. A hero.
All words assigned to her that she couldn’t believe. None were true.
Bastard. Villain. Killer. Monster.
None of these words matched either.
She really didn’t know what she was anymore.
All she could say for certain was that she was Ritsuka Fujimaru.
She wanted to close her eyes again and rest for maybe a hundred years.
Yeah, a nap like that would be really nice.
She could just let the world pass by her and not worry about anything for once. She could be a normal girl again.
But what even was normal anymore?
She had gotten so used to being unable to sleep or eat much outside of small bursts, or fighting to the death, and the constant racing of her heart due to the stress. If none of these gods killed her, the anxiety most likely would.
Kadoc was just another issue to add onto the mountain of problems she had.
She was about to break into a sob when she noticed the game cover on her table.
The Final Masquerade- a story about a heroine whose life was thrown out of wack after she was named princess, despite having no training.
Ritsuka felt so in tune with the heroine at that moment. She wanted to momentarily pause her escapades and just sit.
Okki had a lot of nice things to say about the story and art, and now would be a perfect time to pop in the game.
She grabbed her gaming system- a gift from the staff- and opened up the screen.
2:00 AM. The screen said. Damn. She slept in a lot.
She was feeling hungry too, and went to the cafeteria. No one was there, surprisingly, and she sighed happily at the fact she could enjoy the game and some food with some privacy.
She had stored away a box of cookies that Emiya had made for her as a treat, and since it was later that day, placed them beside her on the table.
She loaded the game and watched as a cutscene played.
Oh wow, these visuals are great. The opening music is nice too. Pretty catchy and magical. How dreamy… why can’t I have a normal ball without someone fighting? It would be so romantic to just dance with someone and spend the night the with them…
She enjoyed it before she heard the sound of shuffling and angry mumbling.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the figure of Kadoc fall into view. It was dark, but his lanky build and messy hair was easily recognizable.
“What are you doing up?” She asked. He looked even worse than before and could barely manage to put his cup down without shaking violently.
Yikes, he must have really hurt his hand…
“I should be asking you that. Why the hell are you following me?”
Oh, good grief. Does he have nothing better to do than just yell at me?
“I’m not following you. I just wanted to eat my snacks in peace. It’s so nice and quiet here at this time.”
“And yet you’re ruining it.”
Whatever. He’s not worth it. Just focus on your game.
She typed in her name for the name selection screen.
Admittedly, she really loved inserting herself in these fantasies. The thought of a really handsome man saying her name and princess carrying her to safety after she so much as tripped on a pebble had her heart racing. And then, when the moment is right and the two are alone, the famous kiss CG would appear! Oh, and she couldn’t forget the possible forehead touch afterwards. She was a sucker for that.
She giggled at the thought. A man who would look into her eyes and say “I love you” in such a tender and warm voice that it would melt the ice caps. What a dream.
She started the game and was engrossed in the introduction.
Voice acting is really nice, too. I can’t wait to see these guys! I heard my favorite voice actor was in this game! How exciting!
She grinned and read more of the text appearing on the screen.
As soon as the blonde man from the cover appeared, about to introduce himself, instead of the “You have a lovely smile” from the screen, Ritsuka heard,
“Can you play some music?”
She jumped and looked confused at her game. Surely that wasn’t just her imagination? She cocked her head towards Kadoc, realizing he was the one who asked.
“Huh?”
“It’s been forever since I heard some good music. Russia didn’t have that back there.”
“Oh. Uh, sure.” She ruffled through her pockets and pulled something out before walking to him.
“I didn’t say you could sit here.” Kadoc spat as she sat across from him.
Just ignore… he’s still sensitive. We all are.
“Didn’t ask. Besides, you’re the one who wanted music. We kinda have to sit close.” She smiled, placing her phone on the table. “Any requests?”
Better ask him for music. I don’t want him to make fun of my playlist!
“Anything rock.” Kadoc mumbled.
“Ah, cool, I like it too.” She responded.
Nice! At least I know he won’t make fun of me, then.
“Sure you do.”
Oh. So he’s still gonna make fun of me?
She didn’t bother giving him a response and simply shuffled a part of her playlist. One of her favorite songs appeared and she immediately began singing.
Kadoc didn’t respond, and she didn’t care.
It had been a while since she heard that song, and it’s been a while since she was able to sing so freely. Even though he was sitting there, he was so quiet that Ritsuka didn’t even feel nervous singing. It was like she was alone.
Or, no. Maybe ‘alone’ wasn’t the right word.
She recognized his presence.
Maybe a truce would be a better term for this arrangement at the moment. He was no longer making fun of her, nor did he even tell her to stop singing. She glanced at him occasionally to see he was also humming and singing the lyrics.
It was times like these where she was glad she listened to her gut. Kadoc looked like a regular guy to her now. He didn’t look as downtrodden as earlier, and she smiled that the music could at least help him. Despite her earlier musings, she felt happy knowing that her choice to spare him led him here. He had plenty of things going for him and could be a great help to the world. This little show of vulnerability and letting her get close to him made her cheeks warm up.
She went back to playing and was forced to make a choice in her game.
Ignore him.
Reach out to him.
She didn’t hesitate for a moment. She clicked the second option and smiled. Even if others said it was wrong, giving someone else a chance wasn’t a bad thing. She made that choice of her own volition and wanted to extend that hand.
She was happy for this momentary truce, even if it would not exist as soon as the morning rolled around. For the moment, she was just Ritsuka.
And he was just Kadoc.
She was not a hero, and he was not her enemy.
They were just kids listening to some music.
Ritsuka thoughtfully marked this day as a relatively ordinary and uneventful one, at least, compared to many of the other ones she’s had since working here.
She kinda liked her ordinary life.