Work Text:
Mirage in the Water
镜花水月
The metallic water bottle fell to the ground, a harsh clang reverberating in the thick, humid summer afternoon air. It rolled aimlessly under the dying sunlight, running down the concrete pavement in a series of forlorn small sounds, before reaching the end of its journey against the dusty feet of a rusty rubbish bin.
"Ajax? Are you okay? You gonna pick that up?"
The bottle rolled again, this time tumbled by thin fingers that failed to grasp it. Its steel surface reflected the burning red dusk, and a pair of tired, emotionless blue eyes.
Dragging a small suitcase behind him, Ajax only grunted in reply as he reached after the water bottle for the second time, finally managing to hold it in his hand. He carelessly tucked the water bottle into the side pocket of his military-grade backpack without even wiping it off the dust it had gathered on the ground. Ajax was visibly dragging his feet as he moved towards Zhongli’s car, which was waiting for him at the kerb side. Zhongli had to head out of the car, open the boot, grab the suitcase away from Ajax's hand and put that into the boot himself. Ajax had looked so out of it, that Zhongli was not sure the younger man could figure out where his luggage was supposed to go.
A grunt was the only reply Zhongli received. The older man frowned, shut the boot, and opened the back door. He then positively pulled the backpack off Ajax and threw onto the back seats. Through all this, Ajax was just standing dejected on the pavement, and the younger man didn't so much as blink when Zhongli opened the passenger door for him and held it there.
"Get in. And then you can tell me what the hell happened."
Ajax only muttered lowly.
"We got a divorce."
"… excuse me?" Zhongli paused. He had known Ajax since the other was a young boy, a barely legal recruit forced into the army due to the cruel necessities of war. He had known Ajax's spouse since that time as well. In fact, there wasn’t a single soul in the command centre who didn’t know about the Genius Princess, Chief Strategist of the United Forces. This particular marriage, cemented almost as soon as the war was over, had been blessed by the entire army. Everyone was convinced that they, out of everyone, had deserved a happily ever after.
"Kokomi filed for divorce." Ajax mumbled again, his head lowered and his fringe covering his eyes. "It's all over."
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Zhongli had watched Ajax grow into who he was today.
The war between Teyvat and Celestia had dragged on for decades, a long and bloody conflict longer than as Zhongli could remember. The original causes were trivial in hindsight – a small territorial dispute here, a minor militia clash there – only to result in long years of countless hills and rivers dyed with blood, a whole generation of young men and women giving their lives for a pointless cause. Being in the army became one of the only ways to make a respectable living, and it was the career path that Zhongli pursued as well. He had clawed his way up the army ranks, proving his abilities with one bloody victory after another, before being able to negotiate a safe and permanent post training promising recruits in the military academy, and that was where he came across Ajax, someone who might just be born for the act of war.
Ajax was a veritable storm that found his god-send place on the battlefield. Even as a young recruit, he outshone everyone else in sheer fighting prowess. Soon, he was the greatest weapon of war in his entire year, excelling in almost all parameters and successfully carried out multiple significant tasks during his tests. Zhongli soon realised just how special Ajax was, and he wasted no time to recommend Ajax to his superiors and taking the boy to the army headquarters. His only concern was that Ajax might not get into a division that could use his capacities where it was needed, but soon his concerns were alleviated in the form of a young girl hailing from Inazuma.
Zhongli had already heard of Sangonomiya Kokomi before then. A princess of the Watatsumi people and heiress to one-third of the Inazuma islands, she had made her name as a genius general and strategist about the time when Ajax appeared at the military academy. Originally, Zhongli had just wanted to see if he could get Ajax transferred to an elite unit, but little did he expect how well Ajax and Kokomi clicked off together and how she soon asked him to head an independent, top-secret squad under her direct command. They soon formed a formidable pair in the war, she providing him with an ingenious plans, him executing her strategies to absolute perfection. In the expanse of five years, the Skywhale Squad had ripped apart legions and sabotaged countless enemy operations, Even allies spoke in fear of this special team commanded by Kokomi and Ajax and called them the power couple of the battlefield, a force that would surely propel Teyvat to victory and end this war that had went on for far too long.
On the day the war finally ended, Ajax did something that everyone was already expecting him to do. He proposed to Kokomi in front of everyone in the army’s headquarters, going down on one knee out on the open in the main courtyard, offering her a ring wrought from the silver steel of his home and inlaid with a shining pearl of her motherland. The entire army was ecstatic at this news. Zhongli, Gorou, Yae, Hu Tao… everyone who had known them believed that it was a match made in heaven, and these two had earned themselves a well-deserve happy rest.
And now, barely two years after the war ended, this marriage was already over.
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"Instructor Zhongli, Sir, I understand why you called. Before you ask, no, I'm afraid I cannot go against my Lady's wishes. If Sangonomiya-sama wishes for a divorce, then I will support her to my uttermost extent."
"Gorou…" Zhongli sighed. "I know. I understand your stance. Can I speak to Kokomi herself, please?"
There was a pause, and Zhongli could vaguely hear the sound of sobbing in the background. His heart sank as Gorou audibly swallowed uncomfortably. Zhongli could just imagine the Inazuman man's worried face on the other side of the phone. Gorou had always been selflessly devoted to his Princess, and Zhongli wondered if this might make him rather biased against Ajax in this situation.
"She doesn't want to talk right now." Gorou's reply was mixed with a sigh. "But… but she explained her reasons to me. And she's okay with me relating it to you and… presumably to Master Childe, too."
Gorou was still using Ajax's title from back during the war. It made sense, as Gorou and Ajax were the only people from their group who remained in the army when the war was over. Not to mention the Snezhnayan man had also gained certain titles after marrying Kokomi, and etiquette from the complicated Inazuman conditions might mean that Gorou needed to address Ajax using some form of honorific. Zhongli frowned and steadied himself.
"Don’t worry. Lay it on me. I'll let Ajax know afterwards."
It wasn't like Ajax, here in Zhongli's house, was doing any better than Kokomi and Gorou. The younger man was lying in the sofa in the living room, a towel on his head and luggage laying forgotten in a corner of the kitchen. He had refused Zhongli's attempts to talk with him, preferring instead to wallow silently in whatever had happened between him and Kokomi. Zhongli had hoped that Gorou, Kokomi's companion and attendant since before the war when she was only the heiress of the Watatsumi territory, might be able to shed some light to what had happened in this relationship.
"I… I don't think they had a good marriage." Gorou started with a sigh. "I never knew…"
"I don't think any of us knew." Zhongli replied lowly. "I thought it was going to work out so well. They seemed made for each other, and Ajax was so happy."
There was the low sound of someone sobbing in the background of Gorou's call. Must be Kokomi, Zhongli thought.
"… did he mistreat her?" Zhongli said darkly. It was something he knew many veterans had a serious issue with.
"No! No." Gorou quickly refuted. "It’s only that… the two of them were no longer compatible with each other after the war was over."
"What do you mean?" Zhongli frowned in genuine confusion. "They seemed perfect for each other, from what I remember. They loved each other."
"They loved each other because they were perfect for each other during the war." Gorou heaved another sigh. "My Lady… though she did not enjoy warfare, she had excelled in its planning. Master Childe, on the other hand, loved the execution of warfare above all else. When the war was over and my Lady retired to civilian life, supported by her inheritance and estate and her servants, preferring to read books and staying indoors above all else, do you think Master Childe would enjoy such an existence?
Zhongli opened his mouth in rebuttal, then closed it awkwardly.
"If memory serves, you had supported their marriage despite the differences between their backgrounds, Instructor Zhongli." Gorou was still talking. "Did you think it would work out well for them both?"
"I thought it was something good for Ajax." Zhongli admitted. "He came from a poor family and have had to fend for himself his entire life. I thought marrying into the Sangonomiya family would mean he no longer had to fight just to make sure he had the next meal. It would set him up for life, and he would join the ranks of landed nobility. Is it…" Zhongli swallowed nervously, acutely aware that Gorou was reproaching him, "is it wrong to wish for such a stable future for your favourite student?"
"It may seem like a good plan for you, but from what I’ve heard, it was not something Master Childe had enjoyed." Gorou replied gloomily. "He grew restless and often stayed out in the barracks or elsewhere overnight. The Sangonomiya reputation was getting stained by him, and the family trust was unhappy. They also wanted him to quit his position in the army, which was considered dangerous. I can't imagine it went down well with him.
"In that case, why did you agree to the marriage?" Zhongli pinched the bridge of his nose. "In my memory, you didn't exactly object, either."
Gorou took a noticeable pause. "I… I thought it would be good for Lady Kokomi." The younger man's voice was sheepish. "We all knew how her personality was contrary to her military ingenuity. I thought… I thought someone as outgoing and energetic as Master Childe might be able to change that part of her personality, might make her more outgoing and have a more decisive attitude towards life, be more fitting to lead the Sangonomiya family." There was another sigh. "I'm willing to admit I was wrong too."
"So… what we are saying is that the two of them had only appeared to be compatible because of the war?"
"Though I don't want to admit it, yes, that’s what I’m saying. I think maybe everyone in the army, including Lady Kokomi and Master Childe themselves, were fooled by the chemistry they had during the war." Gorou sounded dejected. "Just because they had great synergy on the battlefield… didn't mean they would make a great couple during peacetime."
"I just… I just still find it so hard to believe." Zhongli sighed in return. "Such a wonderfully synchronised couple, one who always understood what the other had wanted on the battlefield…"
"On the battlefield, yes." Gorou answered grimly. "But Master Childe was not made for the noble life. And at the same time, Lady Kokomi could not possibly live an ordinary life. It pains me to say it, but looking at Lady Kokomi… it might actually be better for them to cut this off before everything gets too late or painful to separate."
There was more sobbing in the background. Zhongli could hear Gorou sighing again. "I'm sorry, Instructor Zhongli. I need to go."
"I understand." Zhongli answered. "And… I'm sorry. I hope things work out okay with the Sangonomiya estate."
"I will make sure it works out." Gorou's voice was tired, but determined. Zhongli knew Gorou's family had served the Sangonomiya clan for generations and held a fair amount of power in the estate. Now that Kokomi's marriage is over, Zhongli suspected Gorou would have to shoulder the burden of managing his distressed mistress and keep the family functional, at least until Kokomi fully recovers.
The phone beeped and the line went dead as Gorou hang up. Zhongli put down the phone with a heavy heart and stood up, moving to the living room to check up on Ajax.
"Are you alright, Ajax?"
"No. I'm not alright." Lying face-up on the sofa, the younger man let out a long sigh and mumbled. "I can hear what you said with Gorou. Serious, I think Kokomi and I really brought this upon ourselves."
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"Do you want a lawyer, Ajax? I'm sure the Sangonomiya family might want to raise some difficult clauses -"
"No. No. Gorou was right. I'm not surprised Kokomi ended up divorced me."
“Ajax…” When Ajax called Zhongli to ask for the older man to pick him up and requested staying with Zhongli for the foreseeable future, Zhongli admitted he didn’t know what was happening. He thought maybe Ajax’s job was not doing so well, or perhaps there was a small dispute with the Sangonomiya family, but he did not know things were getting so serious. His students had always been able to manage everything by themselves. He could not imagine any obstacle that Ajax and Kokomi could not overcome.
But Gorou was perhaps indeed right. Those obstacles were exclusive to the battlefield.
Zhongli gingerly pulled over a chair and sat close to Ajax’s head as the younger man remained in his previous pose, lying on the couch with an arm flung over his own eyes, refusing to face any scrutiny Zhongli may have. Little did he know that Zhongli was not intending to criticise him at all.
Zhongli was just confused and sad that everyone’s judgement was wrong.
Was it unwise to have blessed this marriage? Zhongli knew some people were not quite sure about encouraging the union when Ajax and Kokomi had come from such conflicting backgrounds, yet their synchronisation during the war was evident for all to see. Ajax and Kokomi had also only known each other during a long war that had lasted for almost a generation – there was no opportunity for them to “date” in any capacity. Yet with the affection between them being so evident, it felt like their union would have been a symbol of renewal and hope, and everyone in HQ were implicitly supporting the couple whenever they could.
"Gorou said you were not exactly happy with at the Sangonomiya Estate. Is that true?"
Ajax sighed. It had started to drizzle outside the window, a curtain of rain coming earlier than the weather reports had predicted. In the dying light, and the way that Ajax’s arms cast harsh, deep shadows on the young man’s usually boyish and happy face, he now almost looked sad.
It was a look that Zhongli never used to associate with the younger man. Ajax was a being who delighted in warfare. He was not sad even when mired in the deepest conundrums of war.
"Ajax, this despondency doesn't seem like you. You had loved her very much two years ago. Are you just going to let everything go without fighting for it?"
"Hah.” Ajax gave out a dry, cackling laugh. “Does being a kept house husband sound like me? Sitting indoors and being pampered – that sounds like a life fitting for me?"
"Ajax. Don't be difficult." Zhongli sighed, rubbing his temple.
“I’m not being difficult.” Ajax muttered darkly. “You were not in my shoes. Don’t presume to know everything.”
Zhongli frowned. As someone who never had the chance to consider marriage due to the war and his work, Zhongli admitted he was unfamiliar with the details of romance. And yet, shouldn't people be happier when they are married? "In that case, why did you propose to her back then?"
Ajax made a small growl. "Because it felt right at the time." He finally lifted his arm and let it flop down onto his torso. His blue eyes were vacant and dull, worse than everything Zhongli had seen from Ajax even during the war. “It was the right thing to do for the person I was, okay? It just… doesn’t work anymore.”
"I just think…" Zhongli opened his mouth and closed it again. He needs to carefully choose his words. "Your relationship was something everyone thought was going to work out. You had a great chemistry going on, and you had complementary talents. If you could survive fighting together in the war, then you could survive anything. When you proposed, I think… I think a lot of us felt happy and justified."
“I know. I was everyone’s beacon of hope or something.” Ajax flopped over, turning his head sideways to face Zhongli. “But people change. Everything was straightforward in the war. Kokomi knew what to do, and I knew how to do it. This peace? This “daily life”? I don’t know how to navigate it at all!”
With that, the younger man grunted resignedly and turned to face downward, making muffled sounds into the sofa.
“She expected me to understand everything just on my own.” Ajax mumbled. “She expected me to just know what to do, but I don’t know what to do, and I wasn’t even given the chance to learn.”
"But… you do love her, right?" Zhongli tried one last time.
"I do love her," Ajax looked back into Zhongli's eyes, "but do I love her enough that I'm willing to give up my own sense of self?"
-FIN-