Chapter Text
Beneath the high-rise buildings and shining lights of Cyber City were decrepit alleyways. Twisting, turning, crossing like tied-up strings. The stained blue walls were covered in faded posters advertising products, despite the lack of any audience to see them. Packs of garbage cans were scattered among the alleyways, forgotten by most.
A blue-haired knight stepped through the alleyways, never producing a sound beyond the sound of their own heartbeat, and the sound of metallic footsteps.
Kris had been sent out by Queen to press a button across the street from her car, with a rather cleverly disguised Norton forced to sit and listen to her mixtape during the wait. Of course, Kris' path was blocked by a traffic jam, so they had to take a different path, one that was full of garbage and graffiti.
Just when Kris was nearing the other side of the street, they found the alleyway to be getting… colder, as if somebody had turned on an air conditioner and set it all the way to max. Mist floated through the air with Kris’ every breath.
It was by this point that Kris encountered, not a dumpster, but a doll-house that was as large as one. It couldn’t really even be called a house, it was more of an office, with snowmaking machines surrounding it in a blanket of fake snow. Christmas ornaments and tinsel covered every edge of the house (office?), with a miniature decorated Christmas tree standing next to it.
In the next moment, the roof of the doll-office flipped open against the alley wall, launching fake snow everywhere as a person emerged from within. They were like the Addidoes around Cyber City, wearing the clothes of a saleswoman, with a black and white dress and large circular snow goggles that had mismatched colored lenses of both yellow and pink. Yet, instead of the normal Addidoes, she had dirty gray fur and flowing hair stained black, with antlers that were similarly colored to her fur.
“HI EVERY !! YOU KNOW ME !!” The deer monster yelled to nobody in particular, facing the direction opposite to Kris. “IT’S CYBER CITY’S FAVORITE [[Hochi Mama (1997)]]!!”
The deer’s voice was like that of a doll’s voicebox, with an award-losing celebrity voice that seemed authentic and lifeless at the same time.
“SPAME
“SPAMELLE S. HOLIDAY, AND DON’TCHA FORGET IT!” The saleswoman laughed to herself in an ear-shatteringly high tone.
In the next moment, Spamelle placed her hands on her head, turning her head a full 180 degrees in an instant to face Kris. The saleswoman’s face was frozen with an expression of shock as she stared at the blue-haired Lightner.
“WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? [[Christmas Stars]] ABOVE, DO I SEE A…?”
After another turn to reorient her head, the saleswoman hopped onto the ground, with Kris taking a few steps back as the saleswoman came a bit too close for comfort.
“HI THE rE, LIGHTNeR!! FA H A-HA!” Spamelle readjusted her glasses as she smiled at Kris.
“ARE YOU [[Home Alone 3]] ON THIS [[Good Friday]]?”
She swayed from side-to-side in an energetic manner, like a salesperson who had found a fresh target.
“COOKED [[A Christmas Dinner]] BIRD ON A [[White Christmas]], [[But nobody came.]] TO CELEBRATE?”
Spamelle shook with a nervous excitement, swinging back and forth like a child on a swing.
“SCREAMING [[Hell’s Bells!]] AS YOUR LIFE GOES DOWN A SNOWY SLOPE, SNOWBALLING TOWARDS AN EARLY [[A Funeral At Christmas Time]]?”
The saleswoman shook so much, it was as if she was shaking not from excitement and holiday cheer, but from bottled-up rage.
“LIVING LIKE A [[Sleeping Beauty]] IN A GOD DAMN DOLL-HOUSE???”
Spamelle laughed like a witch as she kicked at the wall of her office with a cloven hoof, sending various ornaments that were hung on it crashing to the ground. Kris took a step back for good measure, despite already having a rabies shot at the hospital.
In the next moment, Spamelle turned to face Kris again, with a maniacal grin that went from ear to ear.
“WELL COUNT YOUR [[Lucky Stars]], BECAUSE I’VE GOT A DEAL THAT WILL HAVE YOU FEELING [[Tis the season to be jolly,]]!”
She faced away from Kris, walking back and forth, placing her gray-furred hands together as if in deep thought or prayer.
“IF LIFE HAS GOT YOU [[Snowdin]] AT ALL SIDES, [[And I can’t get up!]]...”
Spamelle pulled her hands apart to mimick a grabbing motion, clenching her fists so hard that they began to draw, not blood, but melted snow from her palms.
“THEN YOU JUST NEED TO PULL YOURSELF UP BY THE [[Reindeer Reins]]!”
She trembled with clenched fists, yet through those glasses of hers one could see a joyous expression, as her tail swept back and forth.
“WHY [[Wish Upon A Star]] FOR A [[Christmas Miracle]] TO [[Save Our Souls]] YOU, WHEN YOU COULD SIMPLY GET…”
Spamelle’s arms shot up into the air as a snowmaking machine tossed a cloud of snow over her and Kris.
“[[Stronger.]]!”
Her entire body seemed to puff up like a porcupine for effect, getting noticeably taller in an instant.
“[[Stronger.]]!!!”
The saleswoman’s snow goggles seemed to snap in half as her body doubled in height in the span of a second, with Kris taking yet another step back as her body stretched like an edited image. Her eyes twinkled like stars as she roared with, not anger, but utter jubilation.
“[[Stronger.]]!!!!!”
Spamelle’s height immediately returned to normal (whatever normal was for her) as she replaced her broken pair of snow goggles with another pair, this one having green and red lenses. Oddly enough, her broken goggles were nowhere to be seen.
“YOU HEARD ME RIGHT! NOW’S YOUR CHANCE TO [[It feels good to get stronger.]]!”
The saleswoman took a step forward towards Kris.
“AND I’VE GOT JUST.” She took another step. “THE THING.” And another. “YOU NEED.” Another. “THAT’S…”
Just when Spamelle was practically inches away from Kris’ face, a shadow was cast over her face as her snow goggles went dark.
“[[Hyperlink Blocked]].”
Spamelle flung herself backwards next to her dollhouse as she swung from side-to-side, having apparently caught Kris right where she wanted them.
“THAT’S RIGHT! YOU KNOW YOU NEED [[Hyperlink Blocked.]] TO [[It feels good to get stronger.]], DON’TCHA?!”
Spamelle laughed maniacally for an extended period of time, only stopping after she furiously pulled a cord from her neck that seemed to stop her completely for a moment, though in the next she exploded with that same saleswoman attitude she had before.
“fA-HA H A! AND I’VE GOT A DEAL THAT WILL HAVE YOU [[Tis the season to be jolly]]!!”
The saleswoman took a short step towards Kris.
“AND ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO HOLD UP THIS [[Bargain bin deals for up to 90% off!]] IS SHOW ME.” Spamelle rubbed her hands together as she stared at where Kris’ heart was.
“YOU’RE LIgHTN ER^, RIGHT? YOU’VE GOT THE [[Light inside your ]], SO WHY DON’T YOU SHOW YOUR [[Christmas Spirit]]!!”
“FAHEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHA!!!”
The world around them turned dark as Kris entered battle with Spamelle.