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Foggy had a problem.
Sam from down the hall had done The Prank. You know the one, the one where you take all your furniture and move it an inch to the left.
This was a beautiful prank, a delightful prank, a well nigh perfect prank. The perfect balance of hilarious and harmless and chaos causing. Foggy had been instilled with the burning need to play this prank.
The problem was that Foggy’s roommate was blind.
Confusing the hell out of a sighted person by moving everything ever so slightly so that it throws all their muscle memory against them while they can’t tell exactly what’s wrong? Wholesome, entirely without malice, funny as hell. Making a blind person trip over shit in their own home? Not Funny. Not funny at all. The dick move to top all dick moves.
The prank probably wouldn’t even work on Matt anyways. The guy was, like, freakishly hyper aware of his surroundings. He’d probably enter their room, stub his toe once, and then turn to Foggy with the most disgusted and disappointed look on his face (because, again, dick move) and say “You moved all the furniture an inch to the left, didn’t you?”
But then Foggy realized. He just needed to think bigger.
…
Matt stopped dead the instant he opened the door. Foggy didn’t know how he knew something was up already. Maybe he could feel that the airflow was wrong or something, or maybe he could somehow sense that Foggy was just about vibrating out of his skin in anticipation. (But then he’d been doing that for about the past hour, and Matt had been giving him what the fuck looks for it.)
Matt tentatively stuck his cane into the room and sweeped it in a wide arc. He looked as though their dorm room door had unexpectedly opened up onto a portal to an alternate dimension. Matt followed his cane through the door and walked cautiously to the exact center of the room where he turned around in a slow circle. Foggy had never seen the guy look so confused in his life. It was a thing of beauty.
“Foggy,” Matt said, sounding utterly bewildered, “Is this the right room?”
Foggy did not break his composure. He was very proud of this fact.
“Hmmmmm,” Foggy said. He leaned dramatically around the door to make a big show of reading the room number. Matt couldn’t see it, of course, but it made the hmm more demonstrative, the way voice actors would act out their lines in the recording studio, “Looks like it.”
“Fogs,” Matt said, sounding much more confident now in the concrete nature of reality and his perception thereof, “Where the fuck is all our shit.”
“The dorm fairies must have taken it,” Foggy mourned, “I thought a gift of milk and honey would suffice, but I should have known they require the blood of innocents. Let’s check across the hall.”
Matt heaved the most unamused and long suffering of sighs, but joke’s on him, because Foggy could see his face, and he was totally smiling.
“Honestly, I’m kind of impressed that you managed all this in like the two hours I was in seminar,” Matt said, poking at his bed with his stick, “This is because Sam moved all the furniture in his dorm an inch to the left, isn’t it.”
“What, really?” Foggy said, “How rude of him!”
Matt smirked, “They’ve both been tripping over all their shit for almost a week now, and Jared still hasn’t figured it out.”
“Holy shit, still? ” Foggy said, “Matt, how is it that you always know everything?”
Matt grinned, “My powers of observation are nearly omnipotent,” he said.
“Mhm, but only nearly,” Foggy said, he really was prouder than he probably should have been of pulling one over Matt. Matt was eerily knowledgeable of all things that happened even remotely in his vicinity, successful implementation of the prank had taken the lightning fast seizing of an opportunity and Herculean feats of organization. Foggy surveyed his accomplishment, then groaned, “Ugh, now we’re going to have to put everything back.”
“We?” Matt asked, raising an eyebrow over his glasses, “ We, Fogmorton Nelson? There is no “we” here, Foggy. This was your dumbass idea, and so you will call up your accomplices and you’d better put everything back exactly where you found it. I will go study in the library until our room is habitable again.”
“Sure, sure, ah the inevitable consequences of my actions,” Foggy said.
“Mhm, and speaking of inevitable consequences,” Matt said, a terrifying look of unrepentant glee on his face, “Watch your back, cause I’ll be coming for it.”
Foggy grinned back. Let the prank wars commence!