Chapter Text
The snow breezes in Roseville, as it piles up the roads and sidewalks and the wind sweeping through the city as it can be heard through the closed windows of everyone's houses. Lucky it's not as ferocious as it sounds with stores and buildings still open. And not all is lost for most of the people. Some are perhaps inside spending time with each other, friends and families, making good times. But the green-eyed korat sits alone in his room, facing his own storm.
Even in the room Mike can feel the cold, only it is not the weather that is causing it. He is curled up in his bed, crying heavily as he hugs the pillow in some effort for comfort. But to no avail. He is alone with no one to help him. No one to embrace. No one to cheer him up and to give support through the misery he is suffering from.
All of his friends are gone and Sandy is out of his life. He was so focused on her that he refused to listen to his friends and pushed them all away. When she ended their relationship he went on his way and found Lucy. Although she didn't want him, he couldn't stand to be ignored by her and begged to take him back. She opened up to him and they kissed...only for Mike to run back to Sandy. How could he do that to her? To go back to the girl who ghosted him for weeks. Even if they maintained it, Mike didn't want to pursue the relationship if all it did was lose his friends. He couldn’t bear it, so he forced himself to cut ties with her.
His hope of cutting loose with Sandy will help bring back his friends, and maybe have them understand that he wanted to change and make things right. But what did he expect? Of course they wouldn’t want anything to do with him. He was nothing but a complete asshole to all of them. Paulo. Sue. Daisy. Lucy.
He knew very well he had no chance of getting back with Lucy. Not after the hell he put her through. He saw how hurt she was when her and Augustus were walking to school together. And it was all his fault. He did this to her. To his own best friend, and she nearly died because of the horrible shit he said. He really didn’t want to push her away, but did it for the sake of Sandy. He deserves to be alone. He really does.
The pain in his chest is tightening. He really can’t stand it. Why did he do it? The only people who were there for him are now gone because of his dumb attitude. He doesn't blame them at all, all they ever did was try to help him and he just lashed out at them. They don't deserve to have a friend like him. He doesn’t deserve any friends for that matter.
He clutches his scarf. Why is he wearing it? It was originally given to him to match the color of Sandy’s ribbon, and then to match the color of Lucy’s eyes. Both of which want nothing to do with him. He slips off the scarf and then notices the bonsai tree that Sandy gave before she left.
God…
With an amount of force he lifts himself out of the bed and drags himself to grab the tree. He doesn’t know why he still has the things that remind him of Sandy. Even the lockscreen of his phone has a photo of both of them together. It’s like he is suffocating with the things that were her. Was he that obsessive?
He remembers the box in his closet in which his gaming system was in. He stored it for the sake of “growing up” as what he thought Sandy wanted from him. Another reminder. He heads to the box to dump the scarf and the tree there. What’s the point of caring if it dies? He then looks at his phone, staring at the lock screen one last time before tossing it in. He then tries to go back to his bed, only for his dark thoughts to grow as the items lurk in the closet. All of them remind him of the good things he will never have again, and the reason why he is alone. This isn’t making it better at all.
He can’t stay in his room anymore. He needs to breathe. He quickly goes down stairs without his family in the house. Frankly it’s better that they are gone, lately they are becoming suspicious of his behavior. He’s been masking his feelings from them for a while, the least thing he needs is an intervention from his family. Lucky for him this isn't the case. His mom and dad are working late, and Haley snuck out to meet with her friends. But that leaves Chris, who is sleeping in his bedroom. Mike quietly walks in to see Chris sleeping peacefully in his bed. It saddens him really, to see his little brother that he looks up to Mike, only to probably change if he ever knew who he really is. Most likely would go for the rest of his family. His parents will be ashamed to have him as their son and his sister will be more disgusted to have him as a brother. All to know him as the rotten one in the family. The person who will only hurt those who cared for him. They will be disappointed. They won't love him. They will hate him. His thoughts is dominating his mind. Before he leaves the bedroom, he turns around and whispers to not wake his brother.
“Sorry Chris, for having a brother like me…I'm sorry everyone...” He grabs his jacket and quietly leaves the house.
The korat aimlessly walks down the snowy sidewalk with the merciless weather breezing through his jacket. He clutches it to bear the cold and the pain that lingers him. He doesn’t know where he is going. He just follows the road with no one in sight since the weather was starting to get worse. But that doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. He doesn’t matter. He continues to walk down the road as he is lost in thought. The cold is at least something he would rather feel at this point, but he misses the warmth his friends provided for him whenever he was in distress. Memories of the good things he once had begin to flood in, only it is not Sandy but his friends. He forgot the happiness they’ve expressed whenever he was around back at middle school. Now they barely acknowledge his existence, sharing their laughter and happiness together when he isn’t around. Things seemed so much better without him. He begins to tremble.
Before he notices, he is at the bridge of the road above the water. He doesn’t know how far he is from his house, but he is now looking at the rushing water. He begins to know how high he is looking down. Someone could be seriously hurt if they were to jump… maybe die even. He thinks about all the people he had in his life.
Paulo.
Recently he was the best bud he could have. He even tried to help him whenever Mike was tense. Although he wasn’t like this when they were kids, he didn’t want to give up on Mike after their conflict at the table. But of course Mike was too dense to acknowledge that he was trying to help him, and just dismisses him and even assumes of him and Lucy taunting him behind his back. Jesus…he really is terrible.
Sue.
He remembers the day when she only tried to help him after slamming Paulo’s face on the table. It hurts him to acknowledge how badly he must’ve hurt her when he screamed at her. She shouldn’t have to go through that. Mike could tell that she probably hated him after his Taekwondo practice. She should. She was very supportive and a great friend to have, always fighting for the right even for her friends. Some friend he is…
Daisy.
Mike thought about the warning she gave him back at the carnival. He really thought she was jealous and trying to lure him away from Sandy in order to pull him to her. She was right. Sandy would just leave him when she found someone she would rather be with. And she did. He should’ve listened to her, hell he should’ve given her the chance. Why didn’t he? Now look at what happened. Daisy deserves so much better than to admire someone who is awful. Out of everyone, he picked the worst person to lash out. It hurts him to know that she was the one who cared for him the most out of everyone, and now she’s gone too. His breath gets shaky.
Lucy.
His body is shaking from that name.
The times they had when they were kids, whether playing video games together and fighting over the littlest things. Even if she was abrasive he knew very well that she really cared for him, even loved him. Of course he rejected her over Sandy, but she was trying to at least be a better friend to Mike while supporting him through his relationship with Sandy. Even after all that he wanted her gone from his life. He screamed at her, wanted to hate her, and made her feel unloved. She wasn’t the same after the history essay, he remembered her feeling so lifeless during the play. He wanted to make things up to her after, then later found out that she tried to kill herself. He tried to hate her again, wanted to believe that she deserved what happened and to die. What the fuck is wrong with him… He put her through so much hell, even his friends were grieving in their own ways. How could he do that to her? She shouldn’t have tried to kill herself. She didn’t deserve to feel alone. She didn’t deserve to jump. Mike did. He made her feel alone and unloved. He is the reason why she almost died. He doesn’t deserve to have someone in his life. He deserves to feel alone, yet be alone. He should’ve been the one to jump. He should’ve been the one to die.
He knows very well she hates him, but honestly, he probably hates himself more than any of his former friends. How he acted towards all of them, the only people who were ever there for him in his life, to be yelled and screamed at. Some to be physically hurt by him. Why did he do it? He can’t help but feel disgusted with himself. He’s the real parasite. He made perfect examples to all of those that he loved. He is a parasite.
The water is becoming tempting. Should he? What’s there left to lose? He pushed his friends away, and breaking up with Sandy had no goodness out of it. He is alone. He’ll be alone if he doesn't. No one will want him. Mike clutches his hands on the cold guard rails, then slowly lifts his leg over the other side where there is barely any room to place his foot. The next thing he knows, he’s on the other side of the bridge. He should be scared. He should climb back. This is bad.
But why isn’t he doing it? He isn’t scared at all. Tears were running down his face for a short while, but he acknowledged something. Like it is said, there is nothing he has to lose. His friends wouldn’t care. He saw how happy they were and his presence will only ruin it. They will be better off without him. They wouldn’t grieve for him like they did for Lucy. No party in remembrance for him. Paulo wouldn’t cry for him. Sue wouldn’t miss him. Daisy wouldn’t care about him. Lucy would be better off if he was dead. He stares down the water again. Maybe he can do this for them. It’s the least he can do after everything he has done to them. It has to work. It was when he wasn’t around, so what difference will it make? Maybe it can make things much better.
This is it. This is how he can make it up for them. For them. For Lucy.
“Things would be so much better if I’d have never been born.” He slowly lets go of the guard rail.
“Lucy hates me… Sandy won’t talk to me… All of my friends don’t care for me anymore” Slowly letting his foot off the ledge. He’s not scared. Not scared at all. In fact, he’s feeling some sense of hopefulness. To bring happiness to his friends. To everyone.
“Nobody would miss me.” He smiles as he leaps.
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“ACK!”
Mike woke up coughing violently to rid the water out from his mouth, only it was painful to do so as his chest was in immense pain. It’s becoming incredibly hard to breathe. His whole right side of his body is unbearably painful. He can’t move. His head is throbbing with pain to where he is crying again. This is torture.
It hurts…. It fucking hurts….
His ears are ringing like crazy. He tries to cover them, only to find blood running down his right cheek. He can’t hear anything from his right ear. His body begins to tremble.
Fear starts to run through his body, as it is not in enough pain already. He can’t get up, he is freezing cold as the water from his jacket is combining to the strong winter wind. He can’t do this. He can’t. He can’t die. He doesn’t want to.
“S-Someone… help. S-Somebody… PLEASE HELP ME!” he cries desperately. “P-Please! It hurts! S-Somebody…I-I can’t….......” he vision is fading. He’s going to die.
He hears his name.
A figure is yelling something to him, but he can’t make out the words. He can't see who it is. The pain is unbearable. Slowly, he passes out in the snow, which is the last thing he’d remembered from that moment.