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There’s a reoccurring dream that Mike Wheeler has that he’s never told anyone about.
Honestly, it’s something that he knows he should talk to someone about. Mike is no fool. He knows that the dreams are probably the result of all the trauma he’s witnessed since November 6, 1983. He knows that, just like everyone else in the party and in their little group of Upside Down survivors, he has some form of PTSD or whatever the hell mental affliction it might be.
It’s something that he knows he should talk to someone about.
But it’s also something that he knows he just can’t talk to anyone about.
It’s no surprise, then, just days after Vecna’s defeat (for now) and the beginning of the Upside Down’s invasion of Hawkins, that the dream returns.
The dream starts the way it always does. Mike finds himself with the party—Lucas and Dustin and Max and El and Will—and together, the six of them bike the familiar path towards their destination.
Sometimes in the dream, they’re little again. Dustin smiles and laughs with the others, and he’s still missing a few teeth that just haven’t come in yet. Lucas still rides his bike from seventh grade, instead of the new one his parents bought him. El’s head is shaved, and as she rides alongside Mike, she speaks only a few, soft words at a time. Will and Max shouldn’t even be here—no, neither of them were around that week in November. And yet, Max makes some snarky comment at Mike just like normal, and Will just smiles and rides alongside Mike, as if all is well in the world.
Other times, they’re a little bit older. Dustin does that weird thing where he rolls his R’s, and Lucas stumbles over his words when talking to Max, who rolls her eyes and calls him a stalker. El is dressed in that huge black blazer, with her hair slicked back and eyeshadow smeared on her eyes. And yet again, Will rides right next to Mike, never once leaving his right hand.
And then there are other times that feel more recent. Dustin is carrying around a walkie and talking to someone else that isn’t in the party—maybe Steve or Robin or even Suzie? Mike’s never sure. Lucas wears that ridiculous Karate Kid-esque outfit and keeps giving Mike sympathetic looks. Max glares daggers at the back of Mike’s head, and she and El occasionally giggle with one another, as if sharing some inside joke about Mike. And Will? Will still bikes next to Mike, but it feels like there is some invisible wall put up between them.
The dreams start out different, but they always end the same.
And this time is no different.
The six of them are in their same little formation again—Dustin flanked on the back right, Lucas beside him in the middle, and Max to his left. Mike leads the way in the front, with El at his left and Will at his right.
In tonight’s dream, somehow, Max’s music is loud enough for everyone to hear. If I only could, I’d make a deal with God, and I’d get him to swap our places, sings Kate Bush, whom Mike has learned from Lucas and Dustin is Max’s favorite singer. Mike has half a mind to tell her to shut it off—honestly, he’s never been a big Kate Bush fan and doesn’t want to hear a song that is now a point of trauma for two of his closest friends—but he doesn’t.
Instead, Mike glances behind him, taking in the sight of his best friends and immediately flinching. Dustin has fallen behind slightly, and he grimaces every few moments, glancing down at his bad leg. Lucas’ face is bruised and swollen, just like that first day when Will, El, and Mike arrived back in Hawkins and visited the hospital. Likewise, Max’s body is wrapped in various casts. She shouldn’t be able to ride. Somehow, she still does.
We should turn back, Mike thinks to himself. It’s not safe.
The party rides forward anyways.
Mike turns his attention away from his friends, and he glances to his left. El rides on, her face determined and stony. Her hair is cut in its buzzcut, and she wears the exact same outfit as she did that first day she was arrested in Lenora.
El, Mike wants to say, but his voice just won’t work . No, it never does at this point in the dream. He never gets to say what he wants to say.
Still, somehow El must sense Mike’s gaze on her, because as usual, she turns to look at him. “Mike,” she says, her voice quiet. There’s a knowing look in her eyes, and for what feels like an eternity, the two of them stare at one another.
But then, El’s gaze shifts past Mike and towards Will, and Mike, too, breaks his gaze, turning now to look at his best friend. Will wears a similar expression as El—that same, broken, resigned look.
“Mike,” he says softly, and like El, it sounds like he knows something Mike does not.
What? Mike wants to ask them both. What is it?
“We’re almost there,” come the words out of his mouth, instead of the ones he actually wants to say. “Just a little bit further.”
Will just gives him a small, sad smile. Then, he breaks their shared gaze and continues to ride forward without saying another word. Likewise, El says nothing to him, and even Dustin, Lucas, and Max quiet down behind them, leaving Mike alone in the dreadful silence.
The dream stretches on for what feels like forever, but finally, they reach their final destination. Mike’s heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach as he slows down and looks around at the other members of the party.
We should turn back, he thinks again, somehow simultaneously aware of what comes next but unable to stop it. It’s not safe. It’s not safe.
But while Mike slows down and begins to hesitate, both El and Will continue to ride up to their destination—the edge of a cliff overlooking Sattler Quarry. The very same place where Mike had once jumped and nearly died to save one of his best friends.
And the very same place where he will again fail to save one of the two people he cares most about.
His heart is pounding inside his chest now, but Mike follows Will and El to the edge of the cliff. The ground is unsteady below them, and Mike’s eyes dart around nervously.
“We shouldn’t be here,” Mike finally manages to say, still a few paces behind the two of them. He still has to try, even though he knows the only two ways this dream will end. It’s like Groundhog’s Day, and trying to change the ending won’t work. It never, ever does. “Guys, we need to go.”
But just like every other time in the dream, El and Will turn around in perfect sync to face him. There is barely enough time for Mike to look either of them in the eye before the ground begins to give away below them.
And both Will and El lose their footing and begin to fall.
“Mike!” the two of them scream, still in perfect sync with one another.
“Shit!” Mike screams, and his body moves on complete instinct. Despite the crumbling earth below them, Mike rushes to the edge of the cliff to find both El and Will barely hanging on to a ledge.
But that isn’t even the worst part.
Because there, instead of the quarry waters like in the real Hawkins, is a pit of darkness surrounded by lifelike vines and pulsating energy. A gate to the Upside Down—and a massive one at that.
“Take my hand!” Mike shouts, throwing his hand out right in the middle of the two of them. “Come on!”
The earth shakes once again, and twin looks of panic form on El and Will’s faces. “There’s not enough time!” Will screams back.
“You have to choose!” El adds, and Mike’s heart very nearly stutters to a stop.
“W-what?” The word somehow manages to escape his lips.
“Mike, you have to!” Will cries. “Please, Mike!”
“No, I-I can’t,” Mike stammers, and his eyes dart back and forth between the two of them. “I-I can’t, just take my hand! I can save you both!”
“You can’t,” El sobs. There are tears streaming down her face. “You have to choose!”
“I can’t lose you!” Mike screams. “I can’t lose either of you!”
Before either of them can say anything else, Mike spins around and looks at the other members of the party. “Help me!” he shouts. “Someone help me!”
There are broken looks on his other best friends’ faces. “We can’t, Mike,” Dustin says mournfully.
“You have to do it,” Lucas adds, and he holds Max closer, a heartbroken look on his face. “It’s always been up to you.”
“You can’t save them both,” Max adds, tears slipping out of her eyes. “You’ve never been able to.”
“No, no, no.” Mike shakes his head, and he turns back to the cliff, staring down in horror. “No, I can’t… I can’t… I can’t…”
Mike shuts his eyes tightly; despite how hard he tries to, the tears slip out of his eyes. He can’t make this decision again. He can’t . He never gets it right. He never gets it right.
“Mike,” comes Will’s soft voice, and Mike opens his eyes again, forcing himself to meet his best friend’s eyes.
There’s a sad, resigned look on Will’s face. “It’s okay,” he says softly, and this… this is different.
It’s different this time.
“You’re the heart, Mike,” Will whispers. For just a moment, it feels like there is no one else in the world. Just Mike Wheeler and Will Byers, the way it always used to be. “Don’t forget it. They need you. She needs you.”
“Will,” Mike whispers back, his voice breaking. “No…”
“It’s okay,” Will promises. There are tears in his eyes, but he gives Mike another smile—one that’s truly, fully Will. “It’s okay, Mike. You have to choose.”
I’m sorry, Mike thinks. I’m so sorry.
And Mike thrusts his hand out towards El.
A look of relief flashes across El’s face, and she grabs his hand, allowing herself to be pulled back up onto the ledge. She all but collapses into Mike’s arms, crying roughly, and Mike feels completely frozen in place.
Do something! a voice in the back of his mind screams. You have to do something!
And like always, Mike tries. God, he tries, even though he knows it’s futile. His body goes on complete autopilot as he pushes El away and desperately scrambles to the edge of the cliff, reaching for Will.
But like always, he’s too late.
“Will!” The scream tears itself out of Mike’s throat without another thought, and he watches in horror as Will plummets further down, down, down into the gate and into the Upside Down. He’s already too far out of Mike’s reach, and Mike can do nothing but sit and watch as he loses his best friend in the entire world.
I made the wrong choice, Mike thinks as dread fills his heart and he watches as Will falls through the now disappearing gate. Behind him, the other party members are unusually silent and make no effort to affirm or to berate Mike for his choice. They never do.
Finally, as the world around him begins to warp and fade away into nothingness, Mike once again thinks: I made the wrong choice.
With a gasp, Mike sits up.
Gone is the terrifying dreamscape he had just come from. There’s no rocky cliff overlooking Sattler Quarry, no massive gate to the Upside Down below him, and no other members of the party surrounding him.
No, instead, Mike finds himself on the couch in his basement—his temporary room for the time being. With Hopper’s cabin still in pretty terrible condition, the Wheeler household has now become the Wheeler-Byers-Hopper household. It makes sense, after all. The Wheelers and the Byers have been friends since Mike and Will first met in kindergarten, Jonathan and Nancy are still a couple, and Mike and El are still together. Of course, the Wheelers would offer up their home to their friends.
But providing the Byers-Hopper family a place to stay also means filling in Mike’s parents on everything that has happened over the past three years. Yeah, that conversation had not been a fun one to have, but in the end, everything had worked out. Mike’s mom had quickly set up new sleeping arrangements in the house: Mike’s dad would continue to take the La-Z boy, Hopper would take the couch, Jonathan and Nancy would be allowed to share her bed, Holly and Mike’s mom would stay in his parents bedroom, El would stay in Holly’s room, and Mrs. Byers would take Mike’s room.
That, of course, then leaves Mike and Will to take the basement.
It’s nothing new, really. The two of them have had countless sleepovers over their nearly ten years of friendship, and they’re used to taking turns sleeping on the couch or sleeping on the floor. Mike’s basement has always been a safe place for the two of them—for the whole party, really. So really, there is nothing new about this setup.
Except… somehow, everything feels different.
It’s been this way since Nevada. Since that last conversation he and Will had before they finally found El—the conversation where Will had shown Mike his finished painting.
“That’s what holds this whole party together… heart.”
“Because I mean, without heart, we’d all fall apart.”
“So yeah, El needs you, Mike… and she always will.”
A lot has happened since that conversation, and Mike hardly feels like he’s gotten a moment to breathe since then. Between finding El and only being able to watch as she fought Vecna on her own, to coming back to Hawkins and seeing the town nearly destroyed, to seeing what had happened to Max… Mike just… hasn’t had the chance to sit down and really think about that conversation. But deep down, he knows.
He knows things are just different now. On a much bigger, more pressing scale, things are different in Hawkins. Their entire lives have changed, and moving forward, Mike has no idea what will happen next. But on a personal level? Things have changed. Things are different. And honestly, Mike’s not sure if they will ever be the same again.
If he and Will will ever be the same again.
“You’re the heart, Mike,” Will had whispered in Mike’s dream, right before Mike had let him fall to his death. “Don’t forget it. They need you. She needs you.”
Mike swallows the lump in his throat, and he glances down at the sleeping form of his best friend. Will is wrapped up in one of Mike’s old sleeping bags and some blankets from upstairs, and he looks incredibly young like this… like the Will Mike used to know, before any of the horrible trauma of the Upside Down. The Will that Mike sees less and less of with each passing year as the two of them drift further and further apart from each other.
“I don’t know, maybe I feel like I lost you or something,” Mike had admitted to Will, barely over two weeks ago now.
And barely a week later, sitting next to each other in the back of Argyle’s smelly van, Will had said, “You’re scared of losing her.”
Maybe… maybe if Mike was braver and wasn’t a damn coward, he would’ve said what he really wanted to say at that moment. Maybe he would have actually followed the party’s number one rule, like he’d always insisted his friends do. Maybe he would’ve been honest with himself and honest with Will.
“Not just her,” Mike would have told him. “I’m scared of losing you too.”
Because that’s just it, isn’t it? That’s why Mike always has these stupid, fucking recurring nightmares and why he’s had them since he was twelve. Because the universe just doesn’t want any of them to be happy, and he can’t have both El and Will and be there for both of them in the way that they need him. It’s how it always works out.
Will is kidnapped and disappears into the Upside Down, but Mike meets El for the first time.
El kills the Demogorgon and subsequently disappears, but Will is rescued and reunited with Mike and the rest of the party.
El returns after nearly a year of being gone, but Will is possessed by the Mind Flayer and at risk of dying again.
El becomes Mike’s girlfriend and things are great for months, but slowly, Will and Mike begin to become more and more distant from one another.
Will promises not to join another party—not to replace Mike and the others—but then both he and El move halfway across the country.
Will and Mike repair their broken friendship and finally start to move past the awkwardness, but El goes missing and is in danger once more.
El is rescued and safe with Mike again, but Will shuts down and puts the wall back up between the two of them again.
“You have to choose!” both El and Will had told him in his dreams. “You have to choose.”
And somehow, despite having chosen El in some dreams and Will in others, Mike feels like he always makes the wrong decision.
If Mike is the supposed “heart” of the party and the one who is supposed to lead the others and inspire them, then everyone in the party is just fucking screwed. Because Mike doesn’t know shit and can’t make a good decision for shit, and every single fucking thing he does hurts someone he loves.
God. He loves El. But he also loves Will… he’s always loved Will. And all those things Mike had said to El, when she’d fought and struggled against Vecna… he’d meant them. But there’s a part of him too that can’t help but think about how… how maybe some of those words were meant for Will too. How some of those feelings were meant for Will too and how damn similar all of this felt to standing in the Byers’ old shed and watching the most important person in his life fight against an evil that Mike couldn’t even dream of going up against.
It’s like Groundhog’s Day for Mike. When it’s not Will, it’s El. When it’s not El, it’s Will. And one of these days—God, one of these days, Mike is fucking terrified that he’s going to lose one of them or both of them for good.
“Mike?”
Will’s sleepy voice snaps Mike out of his thoughts, and Mike flinches, looking down at his best friend. “Hey,” he says quickly. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”
Will sits up, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “No,” he says, voice soft. “No, you didn’t. I just… I saw you were up. And you seemed a bit out of it.”
Mike forces a small smile and shrugs. “I’m alright,” he reassures. “Just… got a lot on my mind is all.”
“Anything you want to talk about?” Will asks, concern creeping into his voice, and Mike can’t help but actually smile. Despite strange tension and the wall put up between them over the past several days, Will is always looking out for him.
(He’s too good of a friend, and Mike doesn’t deserve him.)
“Not really,” Mike admits, glancing down at his hands. “It was just… a bad dream. That’s all.”
“I’m sorry,” comes Will’s quiet response. “I… I know those can be a lot to deal with… If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here, you know.”
Mike glances back up, and this time, he meets Will’s concerned gaze. “I know,” he says softly. “I know you are, Will.”
He pauses here, unsure of what to say, and clears his throat again. “You know, I… uh… I think you’ve got it wrong.”
For a brief moment, a hurt expression crosses Will’s face, but then, it melts away into a more confused, guarded expression. “What?”
“I think you’ve got it wrong,” Mike repeats, standing and walking over to his desk. He picks up Will’s rolled up painting of the party and takes a seat next to his best friend. “My coat of arms there… the heart. You said that I’m the heart of the party, yeah?”
Will’s brow furrows, and he looks at Mike, a confused look on his face. “Yeah,” he says slowly. “Why?”
“But I’m not,” Mike says softly. “I mean… the other stuff you said… about me helping to lead the party… and trying to inspire them… I guess that stuff is maybe true, but I… I don’t think I’m the heart, Will.”
Once again, Mike pauses, and he offers his best friend a hesitant smile. “I think you’re the heart of the party, Will,” he whispers. “I mean… just think about it. You’re the one who keeps all of us on the right track and… and who helps us to keep going, even when we want to give up. You’re someone all of us can rely on and can be ourselves around, and you’re always the most selfless of all of us. I mean, you… you’re like… like the glue that keeps us together.”
“And it’s like you said,” Mike adds, gently bumping Will’s shoulder, “without heart, we all fall apart… Look what happened when you disappeared or-or when the Mind Flayer got you. We all fell apart, Will. I fell apart. I mean… you say that the party needs me? That El needs me? Well, I think we all need you, Will. And I… I know that I need you.”
There are shiny tears in Will’s eyes, and very slowly, he gives Mike a smile—one that’s hesitant and unsure but also hopeful. “You… you really mean that?” he asks quietly.
“Of course, I do,” Mike whispers. His heart is pounding inside his chest, but he carries on regardless. “Look, I… I know… I know I don’t say it enough… or ever, really. I’m just… I’m shit at telling people how I feel about them… But you’re my best friend, Will, and I love you. And I don’t ever want to lose you either. Okay?”
An unreadable expression crosses Will’s face for a brief moment, but then he gives Mike another smile and nods. “Okay,” he whispers back. “And I… I feel the same way. I don’t want to lose you, or… or our friendship… No matter what happens.”
“No matter what happens… Whatever comes next, we’ll always have each other’s backs,” Mike promises, and he puts an arm around Will’s shoulder. “Nothing is going to change that.”
“Yeah.” Will smiles back at Mike, and he puts an arm around Mike, leaning into the embrace. “Nothing’s going to change that.”
The two of them continue to sit there in silence, and Mike closes his eyes, just soaking up the intimacy of the moment while he can. For just a moment, it’s like there is no one else in the world. Just Mike and Will. Will and Mike. The way it used to be. Maybe the way it should be.
“You have to choose!” Both El and Will’s words from his dream echo through Mike’s mind, and Mike dares to open his eyes, glancing over at his best friend.
Unlike Mike, Will’s eyes are still closed, and he has fully leaned into the hug, resting his head on Mike’s shoulder. There’s an unusual sort of peace in Will’s expression that Mike… really hasn’t seen in years. The look on Will’s face is enough to make Mike’s heart rate pick up.
“You have to choose!”
“I can’t lose you! I can’t lose either of you!”
It’s moments like these that truly make Mike question everything he knows about himself and everything that he has ever done. And while this choice—this ultimatum—has only ever been posed to him in a dream, Mike can’t help but feel a certain sense of dread in his heart.
One way or another, he gets the feeling he will have to choose. He won’t be able to run away from the questioning or the confusion, and he won’t be able to hide from all things he’s wondered about himself over this past year.
Eventually, Mike will have to choose.
And it’s moments like these that truly make Mike wonder what his choice will be.