Work Text:
Luz’s feet hung limply on the bed. She was laying down, her face half buried in a pillow. Her eyes were glued to her phone, though they fluttered shut every-so-often. She was in a state of indecisive sleeping. Luz was almost fast asleep when her phone buzzed viciously. Groaning, Luz lifted her heavy eyelids, fumbling to find her phone that had fallen out of her hand at some point.
“Hello?” Luz answered the phone. She waited a moment for a reply. When nothing came, she lifted the phone away from her ear to see who it was. The called ID read “Sweet Potato”.
Amity. The girl who made her heart flutter a mile a minute. Her North Star. When she feels like everything bad in the world is her fault, Amity is there for her. Always. Even when it’s 1am in the morning and Luz just wants someone to sit on the phone with her until she can go to bed.
Luz sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She waited another moment, and when Amity remained silent, Luz spoke. “Sweet Potato, is everything okay?”
Luz knew the phone wasn’t broken, she could hear shuffling from the other side of the phone. Heavy breathing. Amity clearly wasn’t okay, but Luz wasn’t quite sure what to do. What does Amity do when she calls in this state-?
Deep breathing. Amity makes Luz breathe with her.
“Am’s, breathe with me,” Luz commands gently. “In.” Luz breathes in for five seconds and she hears Amity doing the same. “Out.” They breathe out for seven seconds. After a few rounds of breathing, Luz stops.
“Luz, I’m sorry,” Amity says. Her voice is normal, somehow. Composed, sincere. Perfect, just like always.
Luz blinked. “Wha-”
“I shouldn’t have called you. Especially not this late at night. You were probably sleeping and that was very inconsiderate of me,” Amity explains.
“Sweet Potato, that was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. And you say some pretty dumb things sometimes.” Luz moves her phone to her other hand. “I mean, what was that thing you said about Kentucky yesterday-”
“We don’t talk about that!” Amity protests. Luz continues anyway.
“Apparently Kangaroos live there now…”
“Luz!”
“But seriously, call me WHENEVER you want. You let me do that, so why can’t you?” Luz smiles weakly.
“Because I’m supposed to be the rock,” Amity replies.
“You don’t have to be,” Luz frowns.
“I do,” Amity sniffles.
Luz is silent. So is Amity. Neither know what to say.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to always be strong around me,” Luz whispers.
“I didn’t-” Amity groans. “I’m just not allowed to be weak, Luz. Mom says that if I’m weak then people will take advantage of you, and while I know you’d never want to do that, I just-”
“I get it,” Luz says. “I don’t like being weak either.”
“I should go to bed,” Amity says. “I'm sorry, again.”
“Don’t be,” Luz says.
Amity is silent.
“Before you go-” Luz hugs her phone tightly. She moves the phone back to her ear. “I love you, okay?”
“Did you just-”
“I hope you enjoyed that hug, ‘cause you’ll be getting so many. ‘Cause I love youuuuu,” Luz smiles wide. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow, right?”
“I’ve never missed a day in my life,” Amity sighs.
“Don’t know how you do it.”
“...Me neither.” Amity’s voice is really quiet. Almost too quiet. “Goodnight, Luz.”
“Goodnight, Sweet Potato.”
Amity doesn’t end the phone call, and neither does Luz. Both of them sit on the other end of the line, a simple, yet scary silence surrounding them. Luz hears rustling on the other side of the phone, and about ten minutes later, the line disconnects after a sudden, startled gasp. Luz sits up abruptly, grabs her phone, clutching it tightly. She opens her text messages, clicking on Amity’s name.
Luz types as fast as she can, not sure if it’s fast enough.
Everything okay????
She sits for a minute, and then another one. The message sits on delivered, and Luz’s heart sways uneasily. Eventually, Amity opens the message, though it isn’t for another ten or twenty minutes.
Amity types back, slowly. She stops every so often, and eventually what she sends is a short and simple response.
Don’t worry :)
Luz frowns, and then thinks for a moment.
I can’t help but worry :(
Amity sends the next message
It’ll be fine
Luz types back, unsure of what to say.
Okay
I love you
Amity doesn’t respond until the next morning.
***
The next time Luz sees Amity is several days later. The cotton candy haired goddess doesn’t show up to school. And, well, if she did, she wasn’t in any of her classes. Luz asks Willow about Amity, hoping that the other girl knew something Luz didn’t. She didn’t. Heck, Luz got so desperate she asked Boscha - BOSCHA of all people!
Unfortunately, the only news she got was from Amity herself, who kept reassuring the other girl that she was fine. It didn’t help, especially since Amity wouldn’t explain what was going on.
Luz eventually got tired of tangoing with Amity for information, and showed up at The Blight Manor to get to the bottom of this for herself. When she rings the doorbell, Edric answers, and he looks mildly shocked. Luz politely lets herself in when he says nothing, instead choosing to gape at her. His shocked face reminds her of a fish.
Luz pulls out her phone and texts Amity, again, letting her know of her arrival.
I’m here.
Luz sighs and puts her phone in her pocket. Amity still doesn’t reply. She heads down the hallway, turning towards Amity’s room. Once she reaches the doorway, she knocks.
“Go away,” Amity mumbles.
Luz frowns. “It’s Luz.”
Amity hesitates. “I said-”
“I’m coming in whether you like it or not,” Luz says.
“Go away.”
Luz opens the door. She’d never regretted opening a door before, but now she wishes she’d respected her girlfriends privacy. Well, at least she did for her own sanity. What she saw, she’d wanted to forget.
Luz knew Amity got sad, like, kinda. She didn’t understand it in depth, because everytime she had ever asked Amity about it, the other girl didn’t really want to talk about it. But…sad didn’t begin to describe what she was seeing.
Amity was sitting in the middle of the room, a knife hastily tossed under her desk. There were at least a dozen open cuts on Amity’s arm, and several either healed or in the process of healing. Amity had a bruise on her cheek, and a couple more on her arms. Blood was dripping out of some of the wounds, and there was a sweatshirt in the girl's hands.
“I really think you should leave,” Amity whispers.
“I’m not-”
“Luz.” Amity’s voice was stern, and her eyes were downcast. The girl glanced at the knife, and Luz hesitated. She almost left.
“I’m not leaving you like this,” Luz says. Her voice breaks, and she steps closer to Amity. “First and foremost, give me the knife.”
“I can put it away myself,” Amity says. Her voice was so quiet, Luz didn’t know if she could even consider that a whisper.
“I’d prefer it if I was the one to put it away,” Luz reiterates.
Amity scoots towards the knife, slowly. Her hands are shaking, and Luz watches carefully. Amity makes a point to pick it up even slower, and Luz is afraid that the girl is going to cut herself again. But, eventually, the knife ends up safely in Luz's hands.
Luz turns away from Amity, glancing back at her girlfriend. “Don’t you dare think I’m leaving you alone right now,” Luz says. “You’re coming with me.”
Amity nods. She doesn’t speak, but at least she nods in response.
“Put the sweatshirt on, I don’t-” Luz groans, unsure of what she is supposed to say right now. “You, I don’t. Just, put it on.”
Amity does just that. The sweatshirt hides the fresh cuts, and it’s surprisingly big on Amity. Luz slowly walks towards the kitchen, her girlfriend dragging behind her. Luckily, they don’t run into anyone while on the way there, because gosh-
What is she even supposed to say if someone tries to talk to her? Make small talk? Explain the situation? Luz doesn’t exactly think “Oh yeah, I just walked in on a bleeding Amity because my girlfriend feels the need to-”
Luz can’t even finish that thought. She doesn’t think she wants to, anyhow.
Amity is silent the whole walk to the kitchen. She’s silent on the walk to the bathroom, too. Luz sits her girlfriend down on the toilet, helping her take the jacket off, because Amity can’t even seem to do that for herself right now.
“Am’s,” Luz begins. She hesitates, unsure of what to say. “I love you.”
Amity looks up at Luz. Her eyes are filled with fear. And pain. Lots and lots of pain. “I…”
“You don’t have to say it back, you know.” Luz adds. “I just…I need you to know. Uh, that I do love you. So much.”
“I love you too,” Amity finally says. Her voice is hoarse. Shaky.
Luz is silent. She stares at her girlfriend for a while. Her eyes shifting from the cuts on her arms, to her eyes. When she speaks, her own voice is now shaky. Luz really doesn’t know what to do, or what to say. She’s at a loss for, well, everything.
“Let’s get these cuts cleaned up.”
Amity simply nods.
Luz sifts through the cabinet. Her moms a vet, so Luz kinda (but not really) knows what to do. She picks out some cream, she thinks Bacitracin is right? It’s-
If she’s wrong, well. It’s a complicated word. Luz never thought she’d really have to know how to clean cuts. She doesn’t get injured very often. And when she does she just slaps a bandaid on it and calls it a day until her mom notices and fusses over her.
But then Luz looks at Amity, with that defeated look on her face, and she knows. She just knows. That if she doesn’t get this right, well. She knows she has to. Because one of those wounds is bound to get infected and scratchy and just-
Luz breathes. She grabs those wrappable bandages out and some type of bandage tape. Again, Luz doesn’t really know what she’s doing. She walks over to Amity, sets the materials on the counter, and then bites her lip.
“The spray…” Luz whispers, rushing towards the cabinet. She takes a disinfectant (antibiotic?) spray out of the cabinet and then grabs a handful of paper towels. She dabs up the blood, cringing when she notices some of the wounds are still bleeding. She sprays them all anyway, and like dabs some of the Bacitracin stuff on the ones that are done. She wipes away some of the blood because gosh there's a lot of blood what is she supposed to do???
She wraps that really long bandage thing around Amity’s arm. Again and again until she’s sure that it would be REALLY hard to bleed through it. And, also hard to get off. Amity is not cutting her arms open again anytime soon. Or ever, if Luz has anything to do with it.
As Luz was cleaning the wounds, she noticed something. The thin lines were in perfect little lines, each and every one of them the exact same size. Because, even when it came to self harm, Amity Blight felt the need to be impossibly perfect.
She cleans up, and helps Amity stand up. She grabs her girlfriends hand, tightly. So tight because if she lets go Amity might run away with a knife-
Well, that scenario is highly improbable but honestly? Luz doesn’t know anything anymore. She doesn’t want to admit it but she’s pretty fucking scared right now.
“You know you’re coming to my house tonight, right?” Luz says.
Amity stares at the ground for a moment. “I figured you wouldn’t let me stay here tonight. Alone.”
“I-” Luz chokes on her words. “I love you.”
Amity is silent. And then Amity hugs Luz. Tightly. Luz is shocked, at first. But then she hugs Amity back. She doesn’t want to let go. But when she does she sees the tears streaming down Amity’s face.
***
Luz was out on a mission. She needed to get all of her anxious energy out, so when Eda told her she was going to go out to the store, Luz volunteered to go in her place. Amity had decided to stay back at The Owl House, and Luz trusted her enough to stay put. She bounced on her heels as she stared at all the different types and brands of milk. What brand did Eda say again? It wasn’t Nesquik right?
Her phone buzzed. Vibrating like crazy against her thigh. Luz reached into her pocket slowly, praying that maybe it was Eda calling her to remind her of the milk brand. Unfortunately it wasn’t Eda, instead it was her twin sister, Vee.
“Hey Vee, what’s up?” Luz asked, holding her phone against her ear. She didn’t wait for a response, instead taking this opportunity to inquire about milk brands. “Do you know what brand of milk Eda likes?”
“Luz-”
“I know I need to start paying attention to Eda more-”
Vee inhaled sharply. “This really isn’t the time for this!”
Luz paused, her train of thoughts crashing. She shook her head, forcing herself to pay attention to whatever it is that Vee has to say. “Everything okay?”
“No,” Vee said. “I-”
“Vee?” Luz bit her lip and fidgeted with her hands.
“Willow, can you take over?” Vee asked. Her voice seemed somewhat distant, and then there was a shuffling sound.
“Luz, there is something you need to know,” Willow said. “We saw Amity, just a couple minutes ago.”
“What?” Luz’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. “I left her at The Owl House, and she said she’d stay there. Where…” Luz’s voice got caught in her throat, and she tried clearing it.
“Vee and I were out on a walk, and well. Amity was with Boscha, and things didn’t exactly smell very good.” Willow explained.
“That’s not-” Luz’s voice cracked. “I’ll call her. Thanks, Willow. Thanks, Vee.”
“No need to thank us, Luz,” Willow said. “We care about her too.”
“Is she still there?” Luz asked.
“Unfortunately, no.” There was a pause. “When she saw us, she bolted.”
“What has gotten into her,” Luz mumbled under her breath. “You guys will help me search, right?”
“We’re already on it,” Willow said. “I’ll call Hunter and Vee will call Gus. You just try and get a hold of Amity, okay?”
“Got it,” Luz replied. “Thank you both, so much.”
And with that, Luz hung up, her heart shattering into a million pieces over the girl she loved the most.
Five missed calls. Almost a hundred unopened messages. And the first thing that alerts Luz that her girlfriend is alive and well is a Snapchat Story. A fucking Snapchat Story.
Luz looks at the story again. It was posted well over a minute ago, and Amity could be on her way to the other side of Bonesborough by now, but Luz was going to head to the park anyway. As she walked, she opened messages again, hoping she’d get a reply out of Amity.
Amity
Please answer me
I need to know that you’re okay.
Nothing.
No read receipts.
No responses.
No call back.
Nothing.
Reaching the park felt like getting hit with a sack of bricks. Luz couldn’t help but worry that Amity wasn’t here anymore. She didn’t see the purple haired girl anywhere, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t here.
Luz scanned the area one last time. No Amity. She sighed, walking towards the bathroom. Maybe her girlfriend went inside? She’d been searching for well over an hour, and even if Amity wasn’t in the bathroom, she did need to pee.
Luz twisted the doorknob, opening the bathroom. First she was struck with the public bathroom smell. Then, she noticed a hint of blood. Why was she smelling blood-
That’s when she noticed somebody laying on the floor. Blood was seeping into her clothes and Luz knew this was Amity but how could this be Amity when Amity can’t be here because this isn’t Amity. No this doesn't look like her girlfriend. With all the color drained from her face, and the empty look in her eyes. No this isn’t-
Luz feels ice rushing through her body. Cold and hard, and just there was so much ice. Ice. Stabbing at her veins. There was nothing left resembling blood. Everything was frozen.
Cold. Ice.
Everything was still. Time, her body, her heart. Everything was still and frozen and…
Her stomach was moving. Twisting and knotting and…and her hands. They were trembling so much, shaking and fidgeting and it was a wonder she hadn’t dropped her phone in the pool of blood below her.
The words that were pounding in her head wouldn't form. The only sound that came out of her was a disarrangement of noises. Inside her head was a chaotic mess, abstract and formless and somehow, very, very loud. An endless chorus of screams blaring away in her mind, ringing in her ears.
Luz looked at the pale girl laying on the floor. Blood flowed from her wrists like Niagra Falls, the warm red liquid pooling together, soaking into the formerly white shirt. Whatever was left of the youngest Blight was now an empty shell.
Luz inhaled shakily and pulled out her phone. Her fingers pressed the numbers for emergency services. It was remarkable, really, how Luz didn’t have to try twenty different times to just get the numbers right. Because she was shaking, and she was cold, and her veins were no longer filled with blood. No, it was ice. She was stiff and she was made of ice because everything was so cold and-
“911, what’s your emergency?” The phone operator said, their voice much too bored. How could someone be so bored when they deal with traumatic stuff all day?
“Park,” Luz mustered out. “Girlfriend, my girlfriend. She’s bleeding.”
“What park are you at?” The operator asked.
“Bonesborough,” Luz replied.
“And what exactly happened to your girlfriend?”
“She cut herself,” Luz answered. “I, uh. It was suicide.”
Silence followed that statement. Luz looked at her girlfriend, who was now focusing on Luz with a confused stare.
“Someones on their way now, ma’am,” The operator said after another beat of silence. “Is it okay if I hang up?”
Luz looked at Amity, and then crouched down next to the girl. She ran her fingers through Amity’s hair, the shell of her girlfriend nodding away.
“Yeah,” Luz said. This might be her last moments with Amity. She’d like to spend them alone. “You can hang up.”
“They’re almost there, two minutes,” the operator said. Then there was a click, and then the familiar disconnection sound.
“Lu,” Amity said. Her voice was tiny, but it was there. “I…I’m sorry.”
“Hey, no,” Luz sushed. “Don’t be sorry. Never be sorry.”
Amity was silent for a moment, and then she shifted slightly. “You look like an angel.” Luz almost cried with how sincere and genuine and confident Amity sounded. “A very pretty angel.”
“I’m no angel,” Luz said. “I don’t wanna be one either. ‘Cause if I were, you’d be leaving me. And Amity, please just stay. Stay with me, Amity.”
Amity was silent. Luz thought she’d lost her, but then Amity spoke and Luz never felt so relieved before. “I’m tired.”
“I know, love, I know. But keep your eyes open for me. Please.”
Amity thought about it for a moment. And then she spoke, her voice quieter. Almost as though she was being lulled to sleep. “I wanna cuddle.”
“We can,” Luz said. “And we will, as long as you keep your eyes open.”
Amity attempted a nod, though it was more of a head drop than anything else. Luz pulled the girl onto her lap, hoping that it might help Amity stay alive somehow. And then the sirens came. And Luz couldn’t of been happier. They’re here and Amity is still awake maybe-
“I’m so tired,” Amity said. And then she rested her head against Luz and closed her eyes.
“No, no, no, no, no,” Luz said. “Open your eyes, Amity. Goddammit, open those eyes. Please, stay with me. Amity, open your eyes. Please.”
No response.
“Amity, please. Stay. I love you so much, just don’t-” Luz felt tears cascade down her face. They landed atop of Amity, and her voice was cracking, but if Amity couldn’t hear her she didn’t care. Because Amity needed to hear her. “I need you, Amity, please stay with me. I don’t care if you never speak to me again, I just…I need you alive.”
Luz wasn’t sure if she imagined it, but she could have sworn Amity said something. She could have sworn that Amity said she’d stay. But she could have been wrong.
The next few minutes were a blur. The people came and they carefully scooped Amity up and Luz wasn’t exactly sure what happened next. But suddenly she was at the hospital, waiting and waiting while Amity was in critical care or something and Luz just couldn’t breathe.
The twins showed up. Gus and Willow and Vee and Hunter showed up. Luz was caked in blood and sweat and tears but she didn’t care because her girlfriend was in critical condition and she just needed her alive.
Luz had been at the hospital for…well, she didn’t know how long she was there. Everything was just a rough mixture of crying, and screaming and pulling out her hair while being covered in her girlfriends blood.
And then a miracle struck. She heard someone call out Amity’s name, and Luz’s heart skipped a beat.
The nice receptionist was talking, but all she could hear was that Amity was alive. And stable. She would be okay. She had no clue what else followed that but it was fine because Amity wasn’t dead.
All that mattered to Luz right then and there was that Amity was alive.
***
After a much needed shower and a change of clothes, Luz was back at the hospital, waiting. Her friends and siblings were back with Eda, but Edric and Emira were with her. Luz was anxiously tapping her foot against the ground, waiting for the all clear to go and visit.
Any minute now.
Luz kept thinking that, but she didn’t really know when she’d be able to see her girlfriend.
Edric spoke up, grabbing Luz’s attention.
“I knew she got sad,” he said. “And I knew sometimes she’d lock herself in her room, only coming out for school. But, it seemed better after she met you.”
“She didn’t always seem happy,” Emira added. “But, I didn’t think she would…”
“I didn’t think so either,” Edric said. “I just…I wish I knew.”
Luz bit her lip. “I found out she was hurting herself the other day.” Edric and Emira were silent. Luz continued. “I figured, like hey we can deal with this. Eda works with traumatized children for a living, she might be able to help. I didn’t think she would end up here y’know. I didn’t think she’d want to-”
“Don’t blame yourself, Luz,” Emira said. “Nobody should blame themselves here. None of us are at fault.”
Luz was silent. So was Edric. Nobody spoke for a while, all of them thinking about Amity, unsure of what to say. Because, really, what is there to say? Emira was right though, what happened was none of their faults. Nobody could have prevented it. And it certainly wasn’t Amity’s fault either.
***
Within the first few hours of waking up, Amity didn’t speak. She looked at Luz and Edric and Emira, and she closed her eyes again. Luz didn’t know if it was because the room was too bright, or if it was because she was still tired…
Or maybe Amity thought that if she went to sleep again she wouldn’t wake back up.
Eventually though, Amity did speak. Her voice was raspy and uncertain but at least it was there.
When she spoke it was just her and Luz in the room. She was sitting up, picking at one of her cuts that was scabbing over, and she just looked at Luz. Her eyes were sad, distant, and closed off, but Luz didn’t expect anything more of Amity.
But, when Amity spoke, something in her eyes changed. She was still sad, but maybe she was less distant? Luz didn’t really know.
Quite honestly, Luz was expecting her first words after her attempt to be an apology. That felt very on brand for the youngest Blight. Apologizing for things that didn’t need an apology. But, instead Amity looked in Luz’s eyes and she said something that made Luz feel something other than sadness and worry.
“Luz,” Amity said. “I love you.”
Luz perked up, and she looked at Amity. A warm feeling spread across her face and suddenly her blood no longer felt like ice. “I love you too, Amity.”
Amity didn’t smile, but that was okay. Amity didn’t have to smile right now, or laugh. All she needed to do was relax and hopefully recover. Luz knew it would take a while, but eventually, she knew Amity would be okay.
A spark of hope lit in Luz’s chest when Amity spoke again. Her voice was delicate, shaky, and dry. (Luz knew that last one was because Amity wasn’t drinking enough water, which she would eventually get on top of. But right now Amity doesn’t really need Luz fussing over her. Or anybody else fussing over her, either.)
“I know,” Amity said. “And I really, really appreciate you being here for me.”
Amity wasn’t okay right now. But she didn’t have to be.
She would be, though. Because she had Luz there to love her, and watch out for her. And so many other people, too.