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1 more cut to my wrist. Down 2 more pills. 3 shots of tequila. I'll be dead by 4. There's no way I'll survive this. And that's how I want it to be.
5 months in the bathroom floor every night coming to an end. 6 hours of lost sleep. It's been 7 years, but I can't get to 8. I'll be hurried 9 months later.
Did you forget me? I can't recognize you anymore. I can't see through your foggy eyes. You're not the you that loved me. But I've always been the me that loves you.
Any minute now. Alcohol replaces my blood, drink beyond oblivion. I hope you forget me. I hope you move on. I've never been all that memorable anyway.
Thinking makes the dizziness worse. He holds on tight. The pills and tequila weren't a good mix. My bones tremble; he helps me still. Don't pretend that I'll live. I'm going to die.
"Look at me," he says. "Look at me just one more time." His hand grazes my cheek.
Just one more time.
People always say "don't do it, it's not worth it!" But I'm not gonna know. That's the point of suicide; not to pass the pain to others, not for attention we won't feel. It's to stop knowing, stop seeing, stop feeling. To stop everything. I won't regret it. I won't be sad that I did it. I'll just be dead. That's all I want.
But I still wake up, feeling woozy. I don't feel relieved. I wanted to die. Why was I saved?
He's right next to me, talking, asking a million questions but I won't answer. He doesn't deserve an answer. I just wanted to find peace, and he wouldn't let me.
The thoughts go like bullets through me. He doesn't shut up. And, to be honest, I can't even tell who he is.
The more he talks, the more I realize. He's the only other person here. Not my mom or my dad. Not my brother, cousin or any of my other friends. Just him. And it proves that a failed suicide attempt will show who really cares.
"Jimin, please answer me!" he shouts. I look over and notice who it is; it's Yoongi.
"I wanted to go..." He nods. I see tears in his eyes.
"I know. But, Jimin, please just try. Just one more time." His voice breaks and I nod.
Even if I only have Yoongi, he's worth trying. Just one more time.