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Harry was frozen. Harry could not move. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe.
He was staring wide-eyed at the face on the screen. He sensed the other three going rigid – as stone – he thought. Just like he had. Because….what?>/em>
«What….» Liam deadpanned. Staring.
«What are you saying?» Niall chimed in.
Harry was frozen.
«You’re serious aren’t you?....» Louis whispered. Shook his head, looked down, away from the screen.
«I am. I’m sorry.»
Harry felt the blood starting to leave his head.
«I….I don’t know what to say. This is….» Liam – daddy direction – was tonguetied.
«Painful.» Nial whispered. «This is painful.» And Louis raised his eyes again.
«I understand.» He said. «I do. Allright? And I love you.» He was staring harshly into the eyes on the computer. The eyes that now welled up.
«Me too. I understand. I don’t want this to happen. But if that’s what you need, then….I love you too.» Niall choked. And Liam gave in, seeing the tears tickle down the sharp cheekbones on the face in the skype-window.
«Love you. Love you loads, okay? We’re not angry. We just…we wish you didn’t have to.»
Harry was frozen.
«Thank you-» his voice was breaking, and they were all choked up by now. Exept Harry. Harry was frozen.
«I love you. And I’m so, so sorry. I just can’t anymore. I can’t. It’s too much. But….I want to ask you one thing.» He deadpanned. The three of the four listening that could still respond nodded.
«I want you to continue. Without me. I can tell you don’t want to quit. So don’t. Please… for me.»
Liam took a deep breath, and looked around at his four best friends, one on screen. Niall looked at Liam. Then nodded. Louis looked at Liam, they both nodded.
«Haz?...» Liam asked.
No response.
«Hazza?» Louis turned to look at Harry for the first time since the skypecall started. And – shit.
«Harry, are you okay?» Even through skype he could tell Harry wasn’t okay – at all.
Harry was frozen.
Harry was pale.
Harry was not really here. It felt like he was gone. Numb. Looking down at the scene from above. Because this could not be happening.
«Harry.» Liam tried, reaching out to him, but getting stopped by Niall, who mouthed «Louis’ got him.»
«Shit, is he allright? Harry, look at me. Please, look at me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please…»
Harry couldn’t look at the screen. He couldn’t. Didn’t want to. Wanted to. So badly. There was plackspots forming in his vision, his hands were trembling, knees buckling.
«Harry-» Louis urged. And looked frantically around him for any cameras. Please let there be no cameras. Liam caught on, and shouted for Paul to clear the room of cameras or mics, and Louis was on Harry within seconds.
The moment his hands reached Harry’s face, felt his cold cheeks, he knew this was not good. And then the boy’s knees gave out. Louis wrapped his arms around his waist and lowered them onto the floor.
«Hey, Hey, hey, Harry, look at me, look at me darling.» Louis muttered and held the boy tight to his chest.
Liam and Niall stood by and tried to explain to their fifth member what was happening. Harry could faintly hear sobs come out of the computer. He tried to focus on Louis. Really tried.
«Shhh, it’s okay….I know, It’s too much, I know, shhh….I’m here, love.» Louis soothed in Harry’s ear and rocket them gently back and forth. He could feel Harry’s frame gently start to tremble. Good. He wasn’t frozen anymore.
Liam and Niall couldn’t just stand and watch. They shared a look, grabbed the laptop and settled on the ground in front of Louis and Harry. Turned the screen towards them, and nodded to the boy on the screen. ‘Talk to him’ they said.
«Haz…you can look at me. It’s allright. I’m right here, Harry. Just look at me. Come on, bubs.»
Harry buried his face in Louis shoulder, breath wheezing in his throat. Louis hugged him tighter. Whispered that it was allright to cry. That he should cry. That he was here, they all were, and it was allright.
«Please, Harry. I love you. You know that. That will not change. Can you please look at me.»
Harry felt Louis arms around him and under him. Then he felt a hand settle gently on his leg, and another started to slowly card through his hair – his hair that was a little too long for the fans likining. Niall and Liam surrounded the two boys on the floor, held on to Harry, helped Lou, and tried to get Harry to snap back into focus.
Louis continued his whispers.
«My sweet baby hazza…i know, i know-» He urged when Harry gripped onto the front of his shirt with shaking hands. «I know, darling. Just let it out, yeah…we’re all here for you.
All of us. And when Harry heard Liam, and Niall and the boy on the screen chide in with that, saying «we are, Harry. All of us. And you can cry, allright? We’re not leaving.», and Louis pressed a catious kiss to his forhead, it was like a dam broke.
And Harry was crying. Really crying. Louis shirt was soaked within seconds. The sobs shaking through him were almost painful, and the other four winced at his pain. It was evident.
«Shhh, shhhh, darling, darling, darling…» Louis placed light kisses on his face, cradling him in his arms like a child. In this moment he almost was. And that was allright. Harry was fragile. Harry was the youngest. Harry wore his heart on his sleeve. This they all knew, and had always known.
«Haz…I know…you probably hate me right now…but…»
Harry shook his head against Louis’ shoulder, shook it so hard, because no, he didn’t, he didn’t hate anyone.
«N-n-o….» He whimpered.
«What did he say?»
Liam and Niall turned to the screen with sad eyes.
«He said ‘no.’ He doesn’t hate you. You know that. He loves you.»
Harry nodded now. Nodded hard. Because yes he did.
«I love you too, Haz. You’re my little brother. I know you’re twice the size of me, but you can’t fool me, y’know. You’re my little hazza, you’re our little Hazza. That’s not going away, just because I am. Are you listening? Is he listening, Lou?»
«Did you hear that, sweetie?» Louis whispered into his baby’s hair. Felt him nod weakly.
«He heard you.» Louis said to the screen, smiled a small smile to the boy. Letting him know relax. It’s not your fault.
Harry’s sobs subsided after a while. With three, or four really, of the people who loved him most in the world working to soothe him. He reached a hand out for Liam to grab, and the other he wrapped around the boy holding him, pulling him impossibly closer, burying his face further against his neck. He was so close to Louis now he could feel his heart beat steadily under his shirt, against his own hammering heart. Niall was smoothing a soothing hand over his back, slowly up and down.
Harry was here now. Not floating above the scene anymore. The blood was returning to his brain, he could think. Louis felt the change in his body.
«Shh, there we go….it’s allright, love. We’ve got you. Breathe for me. C’mon, darling.» And harry pulled a deep breath. Heard the boy on the screen sniffle, and tell him he loved him again. Another deep breath that went all the way into his lungs. Filled his nose with Louis calming smell that he loved so much. He whimpered against him.
«I know.» Was all he said, and cradled his face with his hands. «We know, baby.»
Then Harry felt he could manage to pull back, just a breath back, and Louis let him, and then his red rimmed eyes tracked to the screen. Oh.
«Zayn…» He whispered. Looking at him.
«Haz….» he whispered back, and reached out a hand to touch the screen. Harry did the same. Fingers skimming the flat surface, wishing he could reach through it.
«I love you. I’m sorry.» Zayn dried a few tears from his cheeks.
«Don’t be. I l-love you t-too. I just…»
«I don’t want to leave either, hazza. I just have to. For my own good.»
Harry winced, but nodded. Let himself be comforted by Louis hands gently massaging his shoulders.
«I know you’ve been struggling. Of course, I know.» Harry said then. And they all nodded.
«But you know that’s not your fault, right?»
Harry looked down again, and Liam squeezed the hand he was still holding, tight.
«Harry!» they all exclaimed.
«This is NOT your fault!» Zayn said firmly. «Louis, can you please convince him that this is not his fault, because I don’t think I can from here.» Zayn said urgently. Louis nodded, and Liam and Niall stared at Harry.
«Haz, you had nothing to do with Zayn not doing well. None of us did.» Niall said.
«I promise, Harry.» Zayn said. Liam agreed. Louis repeated this over and over, trying to get Harry to believe them.
«We promise, Haz. You didn’t do anything wrong, allright? How can you even think like that, hm? You’re Harry. You’re the guy who tripped over a dog and apolagized. You step on a bug and you check it’s allright. You adore babies, and you ‘study rainbows’. You’re zayn’s little brother of sorts, and Niall’s and Liam’s too. And you’re my baby. And you cannot seriously believe that this is your fault. Because it isn’t.»
Harry was crying again.
«He’s right, Harry. Listen to me, this is not anyone’s fault, and least of all your’s. I just don’t want to be in the spotlight for a while. I need a break, Haz. I know you know that.»
Harry nodded weakly against Louis neck.
«Okay. Just….shit….Zayn….» Harry couldn’t form a scentence.
«Listen, Hazza. You can do this without me. I know you can.» Zayn was speaking to them all now.
«You can, and you will , allright? I want you to finish the tour, don’t let the fans down. And I want you to record the new album, and make it even greater than the last one. I want you to continue to be the best in the world. And I believe that you can. Or else I wouldn’t ask you to.»
Three of four nodded and said ‘we will. We can do this. Of course we can.»
Harry gathered himself enough to say «It won’t be the same.»
«No. It won’t. But nothing can ever stay the same, because if it does, it’s not evolving. And you know what Louis always says, right haz?» Zayn said. Harry nodded.
«Things need to keep moving, keep evolving, or else it will be at a standstill and will perish.» He whispered. Louis nodded against his cheek.
«So this is just the band evolving. And me evolving. It’s painful right now, but…it’s for the better. Even if the band falls apart because of this, it’s still for the better.»
«because you’ll be doing better.» Harry finished for him. They all cracked a smile at that, and nodded. Zayn as well.
«It’s true.» Liam said. «Your wellbeing is more important to us than any band.»
«I know. Thank you. But...that doesn’t mean you can’t have both. You just have to want it.»
They all looked up then. Looked at Zayn. At eachother. Even Harry came out of his hidingspot in Louis shoulder.
«Okay.» They said. «We want to do this. And we can.»
«Thank you. I love you all.» Zayn streched his hand out toward the screen, the others did as well one by one.
«Three…»
«two…»
One.
«WE PUSH!» they yelled. And laughed. Even Harry did. Suddenly he got it.
Things were changing. Things had been changing for a long time. Things would always keep changing. But… if Harry took a good look at what he had…
He had four brothers. One was no longer going to be with them all the time – but he was alive.
He had a band. One member short at the moment, but a band all the same. The biggest boy band in the world, actually. And they were going to keep it like that.
He had a Louis. And if it was one thing Harry knew for sure it was that Louis was never leaving him. Not ever. Not for anything. Louis would always be there, would always hold him and whisper him things, telling him things, teaching him things, loving him. And Harry loved his Louis. He looked at Louis now and could see that Louis was sad too. As well as Liam and Niall. They were all sad. This was sad. It was an end. But it was not the end.
That night Harry cried onstage. Louis almost cried onstage...put his arm around an imaginary Zayn, and no one knew wether to laugh or cry, or both. Harry tried to pay tribute to Zayn by really belting out the famous highnotes that were still «zayn’s hightnotes» in his mind, and in everyone else’s. But Harry was going to do his best to do Zayn justice. He owed him that much.
Later when he trailed tiredly after Louis into their shared hotellroom, Louis asked him to come with him to the bathroom. He filled the tub with hot water, and undressed Harry cautiously and they climbed in. Harry settled with his back flush to Louis chest.
«I love you so much.» Louis said suddenly.
«I love you too. So, so much, Lou.»
«I was scared for you today.» Louis admitted. Harry felt a bit ashamed.
«I’m sorry. It was just such a shock. And so Sad…» Louis’s hand caught his jaw to turn his head, and Harry found himself being kissed sweetly.
«Don’t apolagize, darling. I know. I’m sad too.»
Harry nodded against his lips. Kissed him again.
«I know. I can tell.»
«Harry?...» Louis asked, a bit nervously.
«What, babe?»
«You aren’t going to leave me…right…?»
Harry jerked back and stared at Louis, baffled.
«What?! Of course not! What has gotten into you?» He kissed his lips again. Again.
«I- I don’t know. I know I’m being stupid…it’s just…»
«shush, you’re not stupid. It’s just?»
«I can handle Zayn leaving. I can’t handle you leaving.» Louis whispered.
Harry was suprised. Louis was not one to lay his heart out bare like this.
«Louis. I am not leaving. Never, okay? You’re my forever. I thought you knew that.»
«I…I do. You’re just…so much…you’re everything.»
Harry realised Louis’ eyes were growin shinier by the second, tears welling up, threatening to spill. Harry had seen Louis cry. Naturally. But it was a very rare occurance that he acutally cried. And now he suddenly was. Louis Tomlinson was crying. Harry watched his lower lip quiver and the tears flowed down his cheeks and dripped off his chin to land in the bathwater – creating little craters. Harry’s heart hurt. Seeing Louis so torn up.
«Oh ,Lou. Come here.» Harry wrapped both arms around Louis’ neck and pulled him to his chest. His boy was shivering, even in the hot water.
«I’m sorry.» Louis whispered.
«What on earth for?» answered Harry, dropping an arm to curl around Louis narrow waist, tighten his grip.
«I should keep…- keep it-…t-t-ogether…» Louis let out a long, ragged breath.
«Absolutely not. I know you think that’s your job-»
Louis nodded slightly, letting out a little sad noise.
«-It’s not. Not here. What you do out there - the bravery you show everyone – that is truly remarkable-»
Louis felt it come on to him now. His throat was thikening, the huge lump he had pushed down all day rose to the surface.
«-But, in here, between me and you, there are no rules.» Harry finished with convition in his voice, and truth in his grip.
Louis broke. Louis broke into a million pieces.
This was so scarily unlike him that he almost frightened himself. The sobs wrecked through him without mercy, making it impossible to breathe.
Harry held him so tight that it was impossible to separate which limb belonged to which body. They might as well be one.
Louis couldn’t stop once he’d started. He’d been trying so hard to keep a brave face. Be strong. For Harry. For Zayn. For the fans. He knew he was strong. He just…he just needed to cry right now. And needed Harry to say it was allright for him to do so. And he was saying exactly that. Over and Over.
«shh…I’ve got you, I’ve got you. You’re good, you’re so good….» He whispered like a mantra, afraid Louis would think less of himself for tearing at the seams.
Harry managed – somehow – to coax the devestated boy from the tub. Louis didn’t stop crying. Not when Harry dried him off with gentle, loving hands. Not when Harry combed lightly through his hair for him, and dressed him in one of Harry’s own t-shirts that was way too big for Louis.
Harry lead Louis slowly to the bed and let him crawl in first. When Harry slid under the covers, Louis immediately burrowed himself agains him, wishing he could crawl inside Harry’s pale, soft skin, and stay there. Harry hummed soothingly in his ear about how everything would work itself out, one way – or another. About how perfect Louis’ solo had been tonight, and how amazing he was when Harry had been the one breaking. About how he loved him so much it hurt.
«I---I love you too.» Louis hiccuped. «And….I’m so…s-c-cared…»
«shh… breathe,boo. Tell me why you’re scared.»
Louis tried to get the words out, but was cut of by another onslaught of tears and sobs. Harry whimpered and curled himself around Louis in a protective cage, wishing he could sheild him from everything.
«Shhh, my sweet, sweet baby. Why are you scared? You can tell me. It’s…-shhhh…..it’s allright.»
Louis tried to voice it.
«I’m…it’s just…t-t-hat-… I imagined…like if-if it had b-been –you…»
Harry strained to catch every word. He was confused.
«If it was me what, love?»
Louis sobbed again. Well, screeched actually.
«L-l-leaving!»
And OH.
«But, Lou. It isn’t. I am not leaving!» Harry soothed and kissed the top of his head, the side of his face. Louis cried impossiby harder.
«I know!» He wailed. «But…-i-it could e-asily have been!» ¨
And OH.
«Louis. Listen. Listen to me.» Harry’s words that were usually leaving his mouth like syup now seemed to jump out of him.
«I get it. I do. But I am.not.leaving. I’m right here. Right here. And I always will be. I’m in this band. I’m in this relationship. You are my entire world. Nothing - nothing- matters to me without you. It has been that way since we met in a fucking bathroom five years ago, and it still stands true to this day. I’m not leaving. So don’t cry for something that won’t ever happen. Cry about Zayn if you need to, but you don’t need to cry about me. I’m right here- »
Harry’s hand cupped Louis wet cheek, thumb smoothing over the skin there. Something that wasn’t sadness bloomed inside Louis.
«I’m right here.» Harry repeated.
Louis raised his bloodshot eyes to search Harry’s for any sign that he wasn’t being honest. There was none.
«There’s my pretty boy.» Harry murmured. Soft. Gentle. Strong.
Louis dried his cheeks on the back of his hand, fingers shaking, little puffs of breath leaving his mouth.
«Do you want to be the little spoon tonight, love?» Harry whispered, smoothing Lou’s hair back, kissing his face, his hands, his shoulders covered in Harry’s own t-shirt.
«p-please…» Louis sighed, and sagged agains Harry’s body. Completely exhausted. Harry squeezed his hand with his.
«Course. My sweet, sweet, baby.»
«And you’ll stay?» Louis asked carefully.
«Course.» Harry pecked his lips lightly.
«And we’re okay?» Louis couldn’t help it, he needed reassurance right now.
«Course.» Harry made Louis roll properly over, and reformed his metaphoric cage around his fragile boy. In harry’s arms, Louis felt safe. Really safe. Nothing could reach him here.
«I love you.» Harry whispered.
«I love you.» Louis whispered back.
«Don’t forget.»
They lay in silence for a while. Neither of them could really fall asleep.
Suddenly they heard a soft knock on the door.
«Who is it?» Harry called out lowly.
«It’s just us, Haz. Can we come in?»
Harry looked at Louis as a quiestion. Louis still looked wrecked, and so, so sad. Harry wasn’t sure he’d want the others to see him like that.
To his suprise, Louis nodded.
«Sure.» He said, and kissed Louis’ cheek before he went to let them in.
Harry did a double take when he saw Liam’s face. It was tearstreaked. And Niall looked much like Louis and Harry did. So so sad. Just devastated.
«Come on in.» Harry said and gave them a hug each. Louis was sitting up in the bed slowly.
«We heard crying. And it didn’t sound like Harry.» Said Niall, and looked Louis over, his appearance obviously confirming their suspicion.
«Oh, Lou.» Liam whispered.
«M’ sorry…» Louis answered.
«Oi, what did I tell you, Love? Don’t apolagize for anything.» Harry was back in the bed now, scooting Louis closer to him, and the two others came over to the bed.
«Come here, Lou.»
Liam settled on Louis’ one side and lay a cautious arm around him, while Niall cuddled into Harry’s free side.
«Couldn’t sleep, Nialler?» Harry said and tried to catch Niall’s eye that he had adverted – in fear of crying any more he guessed.
Niall shook his head. Liam did too.
«Same.» Louis choked.
«Um, Haz…?»
«What, Li?»
«We were wondering…can we…stay here tonight?»
Niall looked at Louis, Louis looked at Harry and Harry Looked at Liam.
«Why are you even asking?»
A small smile played on Liam’s lips, and they all scooted as close as possible on the huge bed.
Liam clutched onto one of Louis’ hands, while Harry took his other, Niall took Liam’s free hand and Harry gave him his other.
«Love you guys.» Niall cooed. The others smiled at him, and Harry cuddled him closer. They all cuddeled closer. That’s how they fell asleep.
Four best mates – lacking their fifth – on one huge hotell bed in Manila, with tired eyes.
/The Morning after/
Louis wakes up around noon the next day and looks around the room. At first he doesn’t understand why there are four people in his bed and not just him and Harry, but then he remembers Liam and Niall coming in last night. Louis snuggles into Harry’s warm sleeping form and waits another five minutes before he sits up.
“You up, Lou?” Niall whispers from the other side of Harry.
Louis turns to him and smiles,
“Yeah, ‘Think so. Sleep well?”
Niall nods, and slips out of the bed. Louis does too. They’re careful to not wake the two other boys.
They wander into the bathroom with sleepy eyes and brush their teeth.
“You mind if I shower first?” Niall asks, ruffling his crazy bed-hair.
Louis gives him the go, and proceeds to use his favorite facescrub – he’s a fucking princess and he knows it – and ignores Nialls obviously fond smile.
Louis has always been comfortable with Niall. Niall is the sort of person that just makes you feel calm and comfy in his precence. If Louis has the choice in who of the other boys he shares a bathroom with – besides Harry, of course – it’d be Niall. Liam is too uptight about nudity and such. Louis isn’t. Neither is Niall, so it works.
Louis scrubs away the dried tears and the sleep off his face, and Niall starts humming ‘Steal my Girl’. Louis joins in.
They try to keep it down, but by the time it’s Louis’ turn to shower, they’re both singing at the top of their lungs, laughing and harmonizing way out of tune on purpose. Louis flicks soapbuds at Niall over the showercurtain and Niall steals a bit of Louis’ scrub just to see what all the fuss is about.
Louis’ just gotten out and pulled on a pair of clean briefts and a t’shirt – now yelling ‘what makes you beautiful’ with Niall doing ridiculous gestures to the scrub – ‘this is what makes Lou beautiful’ – when two more voices join the chourous from behind the door. Niall and Louis laughs and open it and Liam and Harry burst in. It’s like a little mini-concert in the tiny hotel bathroom. Harry brushes his teeth and hauls Louis into a morning kiss. Niall and Liam make kissy-noises and Harry swats at the back of Liams head.
Louis feels lighter at heart this morning. It’s fun, and harmless, and ridiculous. They all need this.
/A few hours later/
They’re all keyed up for the show. And they are all a little scared, now that they know this is how it’ll be from now on. Just the four of them. Harry tried making a crusty joke about the irony of the album title, but got choked up himself, and retreated into the bus. The others chuckled a bit at him.
He and Liam are chilling on the tourbus for now.
“Hey, haz?”
“Mm?” Harry lazily looks over to Liam.
“I was just thinking…” Liam trails off, and Harry senses sharpen.
“Go on?” He looks intently at Liam. They hear the faint sound of Louis and Niall playing ball in the parkinglot.
“I think….I was just thinking….y’know…that maybe, It’s time.”
Harry is confused at first. Time? Time for what? His confusion must show on his face – because of course it does – and Liam is quick to fill inn the silence.
“Time for you, I mean.”
And oh.
“Oh…” Harry whispers.
“I just…It’s not fair. It’s been five years, H.”
“Yeah…I know. But-“
“Do it.” Liam cuts him off.
“But, we can’t just-“
“Yes, you can!”
Harry sighs, exasperated. Because, no – they can’t.
“Liam…think of the fans. And managem-“
“I swear to god, Haz, if you ask me to think of Modest!, I will strangle you.”
Harry shuts his eyes, chews on the inside of his cheek. He feels Liam’s warm hand on his knee.
“Are you scared, Harry?”
Harry nods. He doesn’t open his eyes.
“About what?”
Harry doesn’t want to talk about this, but Liam has always been someone he knows to trust. So he does.
“What he’ll say…”
“Who, Louis?”
Harry nods, barely. Liam frowns.
“Harry…Louis loves you. You’re talking about the guy who said ‘give me the fake girlfriend’, ‘make me look homophobic and make me lie to the world, just don’t let Harry suffer.’
Because he wouldn’t let them do that to you. Why on earth would you be scared of what Louis will say to this?”
Harry stutters, and tries to speak his reasons, probably failing completely.
“I just…I’ve always been the most comfortable with the thought of going public….y’know? And when we met…I was already out, like with my family and stuff, and people already knew, Liam. But…Louis wasn’t. He was still in the closet, period. And even after he admitted it to himself and we became…us..., he still took a long time before he let anyone close to us know about it.”
Liam nods and ‘mm’s’ at the right places, and listens. Liam always listens to Harry.
“I get that. I do. But…Harry, Louis is out now. Louis has been out to us and his family and friends for five years. He’s been with you for five years, and I can tell that his feelings for you are just growing stronger. In fact, he told me so. And-“
“He what? When?” Harry blurts. Liam chuckles at his nosiness.
“Couple of weeks back. I caught him staring at you during an interview, and sort of teased him about it, ‘cause c’mon. And afterwards I muttered ‘No control’ under my breath, and we ended up talking about it in the evening. You and Niall were out on that golfthing, remember? And Lou was antsy, missing you, and told me that he feels like he might burst sometimes. Because he loves you so much. So much, haz. I don’t know if you know this, but it kills me on your behalf, this hiding thing… I can see how much it hurts you, especially. And I can see how tired you both are, and I sure as hell see how much Louis loves you. He’s fucking gone for you, H. You’re it for him. And I promise, there’s nothing to be scared of. It’s been hurting for five years, you’ve been so careful, so considerate, and….I just…It’s time, okay? It is.”
Harry looks at him, tries not to choke up, but it seems like Liam’s already there. He hauls him into a tight hug. Harry’s heart beats for his best friend, his brother, that worries about him, and accepts him. Looks out for him. And see this – this is why Harry loves Liam so much.
“I want to. I really, really want to, Li.”
Liam whispers into his hair that he knows. He knows.
“I’m going to get Lou, allright?”
“Allright.” Harry sighs, and lets Liam go.
A few minutes later they all gather in the back of the bus, and Harry burrows into Louis arms on instinct.
“So…” Liam begins.
“I was just telling Harry that I’ve been thinking.”
“Have you now?” Niall jokes, and they all crack smiles.
“I’m serious, Ni.”
“Oh. Sorry, go on.”
“I’ve been thinking that…it’s time.” He repeats, and Harry feels himself tense up, suddenly scared of what Louis might say to this, regardless of Liam’s assurance. Just…what if.
“Time for what?” Louis voices. Harry grips his hand tightly, and prays to god.
“You’ve been hiding long enough.” Liam says with conviction and stares Louis down. Making his point right form the get go, leaving no room for misinterpretation. Harry feels the surprise spread through Louis entire body, and his anxiety is throught the roof.
What if.
Louis is gawking at Liam, like he can’t understand what he’s saying at all. What if.
“Lou, just hear me out.” Liam says, and Louis turns to stare at Harry. Harry can’t read his face for once.
“Harry tried to argue, and I won’t have it, Lou. I’m done watching you suffer, allright? And if I’m done, you must be beyond done like, four and a half years ago.”
Harry almost can’t breathe.
“Do you mean that?” Louis whispers, and Harry hears the desperate hope there.
“Oh, he better.” Niall chimes in, and smiles. Liams face breaks out into a wide grin, and when Louis’ face starts to crack as well, Harry deflates. Sags agains his boy and breathes in. He wants it too. Louis wants to stop hiding.
“So…what do you say, Boo?” Louis turns to Harry with teary eyes. Harry can feel his welling up as he looks into the blueblueblue eyes in front oh him.
“I don’t want to hide anymore, Lou.” He says, and Louis shakes his head to say ‘me either’. Harry buries his face in the crook of Louis neck and feels his arms wrap around his shoulders. Niall and Liam cheers and it all turns into a grouphug.
“So! Tonight, then?” Niall says, and before Louis or Harry can say anything, Liam says “Tonight. Don’t you even think about protesting, lovebirds.” And that’s that.
/Showtime/
They’re backstage. It’s five minutes till showtime. Harry is fucking nervous. Louis is fucking nervous. Liam and Niall are laughing at both of them.
“I, for one, can’t wait, guys. You deserve this more than anyone, you really do.” Niall says.
Harry and Louis hugs him. And Liam too. Two minutes left.
Liam and Niall take their positions.
Louis grabs Harry by his pendant and pulls him into a sweet kiss. This is their usual pre-show ritual, but this time is different. This means more. Marks the end of hiding, the beginning of the rest of their lives. This kiss is monumental in a way, in its simplicity.
Thiry seconds left.
And boom! It’s showtime and Harry’s head rings with the screams of millions of fans. He fucking loves his life, okay?
They do brilliantly. It’s their best show of the OTRA-tour yet, even without Zayn. Everyone is on point, happy, energetic, keyed up and perfect. Louis hits all his notes with utter confidence, and Harry is so proud he might float away on a pink cloud. Niall and Liam prank them through entire first half of the show, making suggestions all over the place, making sure every single fan out there know that something is up with this particular show, saying things like “Louis? Isn’t it true you’ve developed a particular love for cupcakes?” , Because everyone and their mother knows that ‘Cupcake’ is Harry’s petname, and Niall keeps tripping Louis, only to wink suggestively at Harry right after, so pronounced that it’s bound to be picked up by the big screen and a trillion videocameras. It’s fun. Harry is having so much fun. And then they’re at the point in the show where they get to sit down, and perform Little Things.
Harry and Louis sit on the opposite sides of Niall, and Harry makes a proper show out of turning towards Louis and leaning over Niall slightly, while never taking his eyes of his price. He makes sure to sing “his little things” each time as well.
When the song is over, it’s time for a small segment that one of them usually fills with stupid banter, a lame joke, or just general thank you’s to the fans.
But not tonight.
Liam stands up, looks pointedly at Louis and Harry, and motions for Niall to join him.
“Woooooh! You guys are incredible tonight!” Liam exclaims. There is a deafening roar of screams and love declarations.
“It just so happens, that this is a very, very special night. Isn’t that right, Niall?”
“It is, Li!”
More screams. Harry is nervous. Louis is shaking out of his skin in anticipation. They’re really doing this, aren’t they?
“I was thinking I might tell you guys a story, actually. What do you say?”
It’s very obvious that the whole arena is very into that idea. Liam goes on.
“Amazing. Allright. So! This story begins about five years ago. It’s not the story of when One Direction got put together. It’s a different story that has developed along with this band, actually. Go on for me Niall.”
Niall laughs and looks into the sea of people.
“Certainly. Well, every story has characters, and good guys and bad guys. This does too. And in this story, our main characters did not know eachother initially, at all. Still, I believe they were always meant to come together. Five years ago their worlds collided. And let me tell you, folks – it was quite the collition. I watched it. It was obvious that these two people were the perfect fit. Quite literally glued to each other from the word Go. I think it took them about…what?...a week? A week. And everyone could see it. Liam?”
“You’re quite right, Nialler. Everyone could see it. I see what you’ve done now, you’ve left the bad-guy parts to me, haven’t you? Allright. The bad guys in this tale didn’t really think very highly of our main characters and their strong shine. It made things difficult for them, made them nervous, blinded them with intolerance, it did. So…they decided to do something about it. And our two shining stars got separated..if you will. And to be quite honest with you all, I watched this happen. And I felt powerless. Our main carachters here, they…they’re kind of polar oposites you see, but in the best way. They fulfill eachother so completely, that I’ve yet to see anything like it. One is quite short, but don’t tease about it, you’ll get an earful.”
The whole stadium laughs at that. The three boys as well. Liam goes on.
“The other is tall. Too tall. He doesn’t mind most of the time. I’ve seen how they look at eachother, everyday, for five years, I’ve seen blue and green like magnets.”
Niall ‘mm’s’, and Liam lets him take over. Harry and Louis are just listening to their best friends tell their story, firsthand, to a stadium arena…it’s crazy. And beautiful.
“Liam’s right. Magnets is the right word for what they are. It’s light and dark, curly and straight, short and tall, suspenders and bowties, Toms’ and brown tattered boots…it’s a deep voice, and a high voice…and a dimples and a million dollar smile…and a great bum –“
Another burst of laughter from everyone, along with screams that are so loud it hurts Harry’s ears. In a good way though, because this is obvious, and it is going the way they want it to go.
“and bambi-legs that go on for days. It’s like Liam said, polar opposites, but in the perfect way. And I too have watched this happen, watched this perfect pair be separated by higher forces, the bad guys, to a point of ridicioulousness, and I’ve seen the hurt. We all have. And last night, Liam decided that enough is enough. It’s time for our two perfect stars to reunite, and be set free, because they have been hiding for half a decade, have been so careful, have had to face horrible things to protect their love, and both me and Liam are so fed up with watching from the sidelines. So, I say we let them be the main characters of their own story again, no hate and no separation, and no bullshit. Isn’t that right, Li?”
Everyone has caught on by now, obviously. The crowd is the loudest any of them have ever heard them, and it’s all a chant of all the love and Larry Stylinson, and it’s perfect.
“It is, Nialler. Beautiful storyteller, you are! Actually, I have one last personal message to convey before I give up my spot on the floor, and that is to Modest! Management. You didn’t win. And you never will. And I will personally never, ever, forgive you for trying to destroy my two brothers, purely because of their love. And right here, this is proof that we have a hell lot more supporters that you do.”
Niall is grinning with a mischevious glint in his eye.
“Second that, Liam! And on that note, without any fucking further adue, I present to you, my best friends, brothers, and basically husbands for as long as I’ve known them; Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson.”
Louis takes Harry’s hand and pulls him up from the prall they’ve been sitting on this entire time. They walk to center stage and everyone in the audience is basically losing their minds. Harry can’t make out anything but supportive chanting, and it makes his heart swell. This is allright. People think this is good. For once, Harry feels that he is not wrong. He’d bet anything Louis feels the same as he does.
Louis lifts their entwined hands and kisses Harry’s sweetly, before cupping his cheeks, poking at the dimple until it shows – Harry is smiling so wide – and then, Louis kisses him. In front of millions of people. Right there. On stage. This is the same Louis who cried when he told his mum, because he was afraid of losing her. This is the Louis that had to turn off the light, close his eyes, and hide into Harry’s neck to be able to admidt his attraction to him. This is the Louis who got hit by his father when he’d found out from Louis’ sister, Lottie, resulting in Harry having to work his way past a strong defense for about a month after. That same Louis is now kissing the very life out of him on center stage. Harry is so proud, he’s beyond the pink-cloud-stage, he’s beyond anything, really. He’s in his personal heaven. That’s what he is. The blood is rushing in his ears, he’s light headed, kissing Louis back with all that he’s worth. He can faintly hear Niall and Liam cheering, alongside millions of people rooting for them.
When they finally pull away, Harry sways a bit, and Louis laughs at him, all fond. Then takes the mic from Liam to say
“Just in case anyone tries to manipulate Li and Ni’s speaches, and make this seem like something it’s not, I just wanted you all to hear this from my own mouth – feel free to videotape this – I have loved Harry Edward Styles for five years, and I will continue to love him for all my life. Not in any way am I leaving anything open to interpretation of any kind. My words have been twisted long enough. I love you, Harry. I love you more than anything.”
Harry is crying. Not able to help himself. Right now he has everything he ever wanted, and he is so happy it kind of hurts. He graps the mic from Lou.
“I’ve been told to keep quiet for five years. Not exactly lying, but not speaking the truth either. And you all know I can’t lie for shit –“
Everyone laughs and chants ‘we know, Harold!’
“-So I trust you all to grasp the truth of this; I love you too, Lou. Always have, always will. And when I say always, I mean always.”
“I know, sweetie.” Louis’ eyes are teary now as well.
Liam takes a mic and winks at Niall, this is their grand final;
“There it is. This just goes to show, you can never separate the Oops-“
“From the Hi-“ Niall pauses for reaction. “And on that note, this is You and I.”
The music starts, Louis hauls Harry in for another spectacular kiss, worthy of stellar explotions, and the last song of the night kicks off with a roar from the crowd that has their ears ringing for hours after. And maybe - probably - everything is going to be okay.