Chapter Text
“Are you okay, hyung?” Kai asked, startling Soobin out of his thoughts as their car pulled up to the building.
Soobin stopped his idle staring out the window and turned toward Kai. “Of course I am” Soobin said with a big, forced smile.
Kai looked like he didn’t believe it. “You’ve been so quiet this whole time.” He said.
“I’m just tired” Soobin said even though it really wasn’t true. His stomach gave a huge, painful rumble and he was thankful Kai didn’t seem to notice it.
Soobin was a little tired but it wasn’t his main concern. It was his stomach that was bothering him. He’d been constipated for a few days, making him feel slow, uncomfortable and sick. They’d all just been to lunch and though he didn’t eat much as soon as they’d gotten to the car Soobin had felt his bowels moving. Though he’d wanted that for days, now was not a good time for it. They were on their way to film an episode of To Do and they were running late. Soobin knew as soon as they got here they’d be whisked in for makeup and then off to film. Of course Soobin could use the bathroom first but he knew when he’d been constipated this long it would take him a long time to go. Even normally it took him forever to go, to the point the other guys teased him about it. He didn’t want to have the guys and the crew waiting around forever while he tried to poop. It was way too embarrassing! He’d wait until they went home even though he was uncomfortable they were at a large children’s in door play ground to film them playing hide and seek which sounded fun and easy enough so he should be okay. He’d find a good hiding place where he could just sit for a long time and wait for someone to find him. It wouldn’t be very interesting to the viewers but knowing the others, they would probably be goofing off and playing enough to provide plenty of entertainment.
Soobin was correct and as soon as they got out of the car they were hurried to make up and then off for instructions on what they were doing. By the time they had started filming, Soobin almost thought he was in the clear; he almost thought he’d be fine. While getting his make-up done and having the game instructions explained, Soobin was feeling better. His stomach wasn’t hurting as badly and he didn’t feel the urge to go. He thought maybe he’d be totally able to participate normally without his need to poop ruining everything.
Unfortunately that did not last. After the directions were explained, each member ran off on their own staggered by a few minutes with Kai being the first one to be it. Beomgyu, Taehyun and Yeonjun had all gone and next was Soobin. He was standing there waiting when he was seized with such a strong urge to go he had to clench his bottom together to keep from losing it. It was excruciating; his stomach was stabbing with gut pains and his bottom hurt from holding it in when his bottom was so desperate to let go. Maintaining his composure was also extremely difficult. He could feel sweat popping up along his forehead and he masked his wince of pain by pretending to cough and hide his face in his arm.
Luckily by the time it was time for him to take off the urge had passed. But his stomach ached and Soobin was just waiting for the next wave of pain to come. His stomach was twisting so much he felt queasy. He hoped he didn’t look as green as he felt as he took off, trying to run normally, only too aware of the camera man behind him.
Wanting to hide but hoping it just came off as wanting to win, Soobin made a beeline for the biggest, most complicated system of crawling tubes and slides he could find. His plan was to crawl into the middle where no one would find him and he could just lay there and wait until the game was over. He knew it was be lame watching but he felt too sick to care.
About halfway up the tubes Soobin was starting to regret his decision. The tubes were not made for someone of his stature and being on all fours was making his need to go somehow worse. Either the position or the pressure it created on his bowels was terrible. Soobin was sweating and panting and he was glad the camera man couldn’t see his face because he was wincing in pain and biting his lip as he sought to hold in his waste.
Luckily for him as the tunnels narrowed, he got to a point where the camera man had to stop and leave Soobin at the end of a tunnel. Soobin went as far as he dared; not so far it looked like he was trying to hide from him but far enough that he wouldn’t be able to pick up on Soobin’s facial expressions. Because Soobin was absolutely miserable. His stomach hurt so badly he couldn’t tell if he was going to be sick from holding it in. He was sweating and having to breathe hard just from the effort of holding his waste in. It felt like it was poisoning him.
Soobin tried to get into a more comfortable position, crouching in the tunnel and trying to take deep breaths. All he had to do was just keep breathing and focus on something else.
And he did his best to do that. He could hear the distant sounds of screaming and laughter and knew the others must be having a good time. But it wasn't enough of a distraction. He let his mind drift to any daydream or fantasy that he could possibly conjure up but still the pain of holding it was all consuming. He kept waiting for the urge to pass but it never did; His bowels persistently throbbed waiting for release.
When he felt the stab of gas pains, he dared to let it go, hoping it would help. And to his immense relief it actually did. Soobin felt a wave of relief wash over him. His stomach still hurt but he could get some momentary relief from passing gas until he could finally get out of here and use a restroom.
Unfortunately his relief was short lived. When his stomach twisted with a particularly large, painful gust of air Soobin went to let it go and the unthinkable happened. This time it wasn't just a fart and nothing he could do could stop it. As soon as the air came out so did a long log of poop. Soobin was so startled and surprised that at first he thought surely he'd imagined it. But he could feel it in his underwear, warm and squishy and his face instantly heated up with embarrassment knowing that he did not imagine it and yes he actually had just messed his pants.
A myriad of emotions passed through Soobin, the first of which was shock and humiliation. He was a grown man; there was NO way that he had actually just pooped his pants! He couldn't have! And yet the mess in his underwear told him undeniably that he had. Panic flooded through him; he had just had an accident while being filmed for a show that thousands of people could see! He sought to control his panic; the cameraman was too far away to notice anything amiss yet or god forbid smell him and he had to stay calm or he was going to notice something wrong and try to come to his aide. He didn't know how he was going to get himself out of the situation; all he could hope for at this point was that Kai would find him and he could somehow alert him to the fact he needed help without anyone knowing what he had done. It did not make for an appealing situation.
But underneath all those panicked and bad feelings was another feeling; relief. He'd had to go so badly that to finally not have that waste in his body hurting him felt so good. His shame increased; nothing about this should feel good. When he felt another wave of urge come across him he felt even more ashamed because a terrible, disgusting thought had come to his mind. He'd already had an accident and made a mess he didn't know how to deal with. Why not just......let the rest go?
Shame covered him; what was he thinking?? It was one thing to have an accident because of a fart that wasn't just a fart; at least that was somewhat understandable. But was he actually considering pooping his pants on purpose? He was and that was ridiculously embarrassing! He was a disgusting person.
And yet as he was overtaken with another wave of stabbing gut pains, his bottom aching for release, Soobin couldn't resist the temptation anymore. He was already totally screwed and he just wanted it all OUT and he couldn't do it anymore. So when he felt another movement in his guts and an urge to go he just let it happen.
It was embarrassing how easy it was to do. Closing his eyes and giving one small push Soobin could feel the last of his waste finally come out and fill up his underwear. The relief was immense. He’d been so uncomfortable for so long that to finally be rid of the pain and pressure made him feel light and empty. His heart was racing and his hands shook slightly as of from an adrenaline rush and Soobin didn’t know if it was the extreme relief or the excitement of doing something wrong but he was so overwhelmed that it took a while for him to recall just how precarious his situation was.
Once his heart and breath had calmed and he stopped feeling slightly dazed and giddy from relief, dread hit him like a hammer. What was he going to do? He had just pooped his pants in a public place with lots of cameras and his friends and staff members around. How on earth was he going to get through this without everyone finding out?
Soobin was growing uncomfortable in the position he was in but was frozen in place. His underwear was so full of waste that he was afraid any movement in position would cause the mess to spread and get worse. He wasn’t sure how he’d manage to get out of this tunnel without making a huge mess of himself. Panic began to rise in his chest as he became aware of the warm squishy weight of his waste hanging heavy in his briefs. He was absolutely disgusting. Shame colored his cheeks; what would others think if they knew Soobin, supposed handsome, talented K-pop artist and leader had pooped his pants on a playground like a child? Soobin cringed and wished he could disappear
He was pondering all this when he heard the thump of movement in the tunnels. Soobin’s heart felt like it stopped and his stomach clinched with nerves. He was only marginally relieved when he saw it was Kai coming through the tunnel. Kai could help him but Soobin felt sick at the thought of having to explain his predicament to him.
Kai moved past the cameraman and crawled down the tunnel with a look of glee on his face. “Haha I found you! I bet you thought you were pretty clever coming all the way up here” Kai teased inching closer.
Soobin held up a shaky hand. “Wait! Don’t come any closer” Soobin warned. He didn’t want Kai to see or smell something amiss and react while they were being filmed.
“Oh hyung, don’t be a sore loser” Kai teased with a laugh, “I found you! Just accept you lost!”
“No I’m serious” Soobin warned giving Kai a serious look. “I need help. Please go tell the cameraman to leave.”
Kai could tell Soobin was serious and his joking instantly stopped. “Yeah” Kai said at once looking concerned. “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay just…I’ll tell you after” Soobin said feeling nerves stir up inside him. He was growing uncomfortable in his messy pants and so desperately wanted out of them.
“Okay, okay” Kai agreed. He scrambled back toward the end of the tunnel. Soobin could see him speaking to the camera man though, he couldn’t pick up on the words before he crawled back to Soobin.
“What’s wrong? Are you sick?” Kai asked in concern.
“No I’m not sick” Soobin admitted. He paused a long moment not wanting to say what had really happened. “This is really embarrassing but um….I… uh….had an accident.”
Kai was silent for a moment, obviously surprised and taken aback by Soobin’s response. Soobin kept expecting him to burst into laughter and was surprised when that didn’t happen. “You wet your pants?” Kai asked questioningly.
Soobin could feel his face heat up. He had to look away from Kais concerned eyes. As the leader and one who was supposed to be in control he’d never imagined he’d have to admit this to any of the members, much less the maknae.
“Um no….it wasn’t that” Soobin admitted looking down at the tunnel.
The silence went on forever. Eventually Kai simply said, “Oh….” In a surprised tone.
A full minute passed before Soobin dared to look up at him and see his reaction. Kai didn't look like he wanted to laugh or that he was judging Soobin; he looked like he was thinking and Soobin didn't know yet if that was a good thing or not.
"I need to get out of here and find a bathroom" Soobin said, his voice embarrassingly cracking with desperation. "I don't know if I can do that without someone seeing me. But I just can’t have anyone find out. It's too humiliating."
It was embarrassing enough that Kai had to find out; Soobin wished no one could find out! But at least Kai was being nice about it.
Kai seemed to get an idea, struck to action by his sympathy for Soobin. "Okay, well, here's what we'll do" he said thinking. "I'll go find the nearest bathroom and tell the camera crew to stop filming because you're sick. Once you're in the bathroom I'll say you threw up on yourself and I need clothes for you. Then we'll be able to stop filming and go home."
Soobin's stomach twisted with guilt; he was humiliated that his accident was going to completely ruin filming and be a major inconvenience not only for all the members but also all the crew. But on top of that was a surge of relief and thankfulness for Kai. Not only did he not laugh or make fun of him he was being hugely helpful.
"Thank you Kai" Soobin said softly. "Really, thank you so much for this."
Kai gave him a warm smile. "Of course hyung" he said. "I'll always do whatever I can to help you."
"This is so humiliating" Soobin said, feeling insanely dirty in his messy pants.
"I know" Kai said sympathetically. "But it'll be okay. No one has to know but us."
"Thanks" Soobin said, smiling even though he knew his face was still flushed with embarrassment.
Kai led the way down the tunnels and Soobin followed slowly behind. When he moved it made it a thousand times worse. The mess that had before been contained in the back of his underwear was now moving and shifting; in between his cheeks and down around to the front making him feel even more dirty and disgusting. When they got toward the bottom Kai said, "Stay here and wait; I'll go find a bathroom."
Kai took off in search of the nearest bathroom and Soobin felt like it was forever even though it had to only be about five minutes. When Kai came back he said, "There's a bathroom just down the hall. I made sure the camera crew and the others aren't anywhere around."
Soobin nodded his thanks, his throat feeling tight. He wanted this whole horrible thing to be over soon. Kai showed him where the bathroom was and Soobin followed him as quickly as his awkward messy waddle would allow. When they reached the bathroom Kai said, "I'll go get you some clothes. I know we always have something in the car."
"Thank you" Soobin said again, glad to disappear into the seclusion of the one toilet restroom where finally he knew no one could see him. He stood there awkwardly waiting until Kai came back. Soobin peaked cautiously as he opened the door to check.
"These might not be yours; I'm actually not sure whose they are" Kai said with a laugh, handing Soobin a stack of clothes. "But that is all I could find."
"Doesn't matter; I'm just glad you found something" Soobin said gratefully. He looked down as he said, "I don't know what I would have done without you, Kai. You really saved my butt today. No pun intended."
Kai laughed. "You're welcome hyung. It was no trouble."
Soobin closed the door and made sure he had locked it twice to ensure that no one walked in on his disaster. He thought he'd experience immediate relief upon taking his soiled clothes off but unfortunately that was not the case. His mess was even messier than he had expected and he felt humiliated and disgusted when he pulled his pants down and saw the mess he'd made. Even though he'd tried to be careful it ended up going everywhere. He threw his pants and underwear in the trash can because there was absolutely no saving them. He desperately needed a shower but had to make due with wet paper towels until he could get home. After using what felt like a whole roll of paper towels, Soobin finally deemed himself clean enough to put on his clothes. Feeling humiliated but slightly better Soobin left the bathroom. Not only was Kai standing there but so were the others. He blanched a bit, hoping they all couldn't see the ugly truth written across his face.
Did everyone know he was a disgusting weirdo who had pooped his pants?
Thankfully they did not. Taehyun was the first one to speak.
"Soobin....are you okay? Why didn't you tell us you were sick?" he asked, looking concerned,
Soobin felt guilt stir in his belly; he hated lying but this is one time where it really was necessary. He was thankful Kai had covered for him.
"I didn't want to be a bother" Soobin said awkwardly, looking down at his feet. That was mostly true; even though he wasn't sick, his reluctance to hold everyone up with his need to poop was what had gotten him in this situation in the first place.
"You're not a bother," Yeonjun said. "If you're sick, you're sick."
"Yeah, let's just go home so you can rest," Beomgyu said.
Soobin nodded. "Rest sounds nice" he agreed, though really he was just desperate to get to a shower and get away from this place which would always be tainted in his memory as the place he'd pooped himself. He didn't even want to imagine how ashamed he'd be when they came back to film. That would be a problem for another day.
When they got home Soobin immediately showered, saying he felt feverish. Once he had washed himself extremely thoroughly, Soobin dressed in clean clothes and felt almost like a normal person once again. Still, the shame and embarrassment was there and he cringed thinking about it. Soobin said good night to the others and disappeared into his room, feeling drained from the experience.
He was curled up in bed almost asleep when he heard a faint knock at the door.
"Come in" Soobin said sleepily, not feeling like he had the energy to interact with anyone.
Kai stuck his head in, looking hesitant. "I wanted to make sure that you're doing okay," Kai said. "You disappeared so quickly."
Soobin felt warmth spread through him at Kai's concern. "I'm okay" Soobin said, then held his arms out. "Come here."
Though Kai didn't race into hugs as quickly as he once had Soobin knew that he still craved them just as much. Kai smiled as he closed the door and lay on the bed next to Soobin, snuggling into his arms. He wrapped his arms around Soobin and the contact was warm and comforting.
"Thank you for helping me today Kai; it really means a lot to me" Soobin said, giving him a tight squeeze.
Kai smiled against Soobin, giving Soobin a squeeze before he began to rub his belly gently like he often did. It made the last of his queasiness go away. "No problem hyung" he said softly.