Chapter Text
“As you all know, there’s been an accident.” The words echoed in Charlie’s head as the principal spoke. Everyone else was eerily silent, aside from a few sniffles and murmurs further away from where he sat. Everything said after that moment seemed to blur together. Certain words breaking through the barrier of his racing mind. Car crash, tragedy, loss, support. He couldn’t quite seem to place the words in their sentences. All of it was just dancing around the truth. Nick was dead and it wasn’t an accident. It was all Charlie’s fault. That’s what echoed in his mind over and over and over as he tried to listen to what was going on.
“Charlie? Are you alright?” Aled asked softly. He pulled Charlie from his thoughts even if it was just for a moment.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He was a bit too blunt with it. Of course he wasn’t okay, the love of his life was dead. How could anyone be okay after that? He knew what he was supposed to say though. I’m fine had become his phrase of choice over the last few days but he never meant it. No one noticed, they heard what they wanted to hear, saw what they wanted to see. Nick would have known, he would have known things were bad. He wouldn’t have treated him as if he were made of glass, he wouldn’t be afraid he’d break. He needed that kind of support now more than ever. It seemed everyone cared too much or not enough.
The more he thought about Nick being gone, the harder it got to breathe. “I-I’m fine. I’m fine.” He began to repeat it over and over again as if Aled had kept asking. Maybe if he said it enough they’d all believe it. “I’m fine.” He was beginning to hyperventilate. “I-I- I’m- f-fine.” It felt as if the room had begun closing in on him. He felt like he was going to die if he stayed there. He shakily got to his feet stumbling out of the aisle he was sitting in. It seemed everyone was looking at him then, which made the room feel as though it were even smaller. He didn’t know what to do so he ran and ran and kept running without looking back.
He pushed through the fire exit at the back of the school and out into the rain. The sky was dark with thick grey clouds, streaks of lightning crackled through the sky as if it were tearing through the universe. He kept running, the rain felt like sharp needles against his skin. It was freezing out there but he just kept going. He wasn’t even sure where he was headed but anywhere was better than there. He felt the tears burn hot in his eyes, the storm felt much like the one that had taken everything from him only days ago. His heavy breathing turned to sobs as he went, his legs seeming to give out on him as he reached the gates of the graveyard. This was the closest he could ever make himself go. He didn’t want to picture Nick rotting in the ground there, he didn’t want to face the reality of the situation. It would be so much easier to just pretend he had gone away for a bit and that he would be back any day.
He would give anything to see him, or to hear his voice one last time. It was then, as he knelt in the muddy grass he realised he could hear his voice again. He fumbled to get his phone out of his pocket and dialled his number. He knew it off by heart by then. He shut his eyes as he heard the dial tone, he was just waiting for it to ring out so he could listen to the voicemail. It rang for much longer than he expected. The line began to crackle slightly.
“Hello?”
Charlie felt his heart stop….
"N-Nick..? Is that r-really you?" He had to force the words out, it felt as though someone had a choke hold on him and he could barely breathe.
"Who is this?" Nick asked, he sounded…angry, why would he be angry? Did he blame Charlie for what happened? Did he just not realise who was calling?
"What? It's-it's me, it's Charlie. I don't- I- how is this happening?" He was trying to rationalise all of this in his head but of course it seemed insane. Maybe he was having a meltdown but he didn't care, as long as he got to hear Nick's voice again.
"This isn't funny." He just sounded like he was getting more and more annoyed.
"Nick I'm not-" He wasn't sure what to say. "I'm sorry for what happened it was all my fault I-"
"Stop. Just stop." The pain in his voice was clear. Were all of Charlie's worst fears true? His spiralling thoughts were interrupted when Nick spoke again. "Tell me who this is right now or I-"
"It's me it's Ch-"
"No it's not! And this really isn't funny what kind of sick twisted person would pretend-"
"Why don't you believe me? I don't understand."
It went silent for a moment. For a split second Charlie thought that the call was over or that whatever hallucination he must be having had somehow come to an end. Until he heard Nick speak again. It seemed Nick was the one struggling with his words then. "Because…because he's dead." His voice was shaking. "Charlie is dead."
Charlie was at a loss for words, what was he talking about? What was happening? So many questions raced through his mind but he couldn't find the right words. "I'm not-" he'd started but the line had already gone dead. He stared down at his phone, his heart was racing almost as fast as his mind had been.
He forced himself to his feet and started to walk home. He just felt completely numb. He didn't know what was real and what wasn't and that completely terrified him. He would try to call him again but not yet. He needed to get home and try to somewhat pull himself together.