Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Absolutely the fuck not." 

The words fall out of Fatin's mouth before she could stop herself, forcing Dot to step in and mediate. Rachel Reid, music's biggest name at present, looks like she's ready to throw hands at Fatin.

"What she means," Dot throws Fatin a very pleading look over her shoulder before turning back to Rachel, "is that we will certainly take that into consideration. Whacky sense of humor, this one."

Rachel raises an eyebrow, unamused and unmoved.

"Just," Fatin starts by facing her palms outward, "why me? There are surely better songwriters more worth your while." She was going to start listing off names-- maybe even suggest Mariah Carey's gotta be free to write her a lyric or two-- but Rachel interrupts her train of thought.

"If you don't want to do it, fine. We have other writers and producers lined up," Rachel explains, but makes a show of crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. "I only asked for you specifically because Nora, my manager and dearest sister," Rachel points to the woman next to her, who makes absolutely no eye contact but manages to wave in Dot and Fatin's direction, "was a huge fan of your work and had this idea that you'd get me my next single, if not the rest of my album. And I'm willing to take my chances even if you've been out of commission for a while. You didn't sell out arenas for nothing."

Dot nods, carefully eyeing Fatin before offering placations, "We wouldn't dream of letting you down. This sounds like a wonderful opportunity, especially within reasonable terms." 

"As I said before, we need at least one song to be a duet about love or finding it or whatever" Rachel waves a dismissive hand, "The label's idea to widen my fanbase. We'll have up to two months, depending on when we can start." 

"What's the catch?" Fatin blurts out before Dot could stop her.

"Well," Nora speaks up for the first time, "it would be remiss to to ask you to do this without also asking your lyrical counterpart." 
 
Well, fuck. 

***

Dorothy Campbell, who has spent many years being Fatin's manager, uncharacteristically beats around the bush about the lackluster interest in Fatin Jadmani at the moment. The gigs were dwindling and even YouTube collaborations weren't happening anymore. Sure, Fatin had her groupies, but both Dot and Fatin know that's not going to be sustainable for much longer. 

"Fatin, I love you, but--"

"Dorothy Campbell," Fatin puts her hand to her chest in a dramatic fashion, "are you finally proposing?" 

Dot deadpans, not looking up from her phone as she checks her email, "Yeah, call the wedding band. It's now or never." 

"I have to call it off, Dorothy," Fatin fake pouts, "I wanted a public proposal and now you're rushing me. People are going to think it's a shotgun wedding." 

Dot shrugs, "Your loss." 

"Excuse you, you would be ever so lucky to have me as your wife." 

"Actually, I feel luckier about being your manager right at this moment." Dot grins when Fatin rolls her eyes. "Dude, I'm serious. Rachel Reid wants you to work on her album. Give me a good reason why we weren't immediately jumping on?"

"For one, she's known to be a hardass and she'll work us to the bone until we crack." Just because Fatin's not actively making music, it doesn't mean she's not privy to industry rumors, "Pretty sure she's why Charlie Puth just does duets...on Tiktok." 

"I don't think Rachel has anything to do with that." Dot attempts to correct her.

But, she's not having it, pretending to think about it and then shrugs, "Well, it could be true." She thinks again, "I don't know, maybe I was hoping I could coast through this project." 

Dot keeps pressing, "Since when have you coasted through anything, Miss Cello Virtuoso?" 

Fatin scoffs, "Please, I had no choice in that." 

"Yeah, and now you could choose to get ahead of this renewed interest in your sound. She's trying to do an experimental album and she chose you." Dot continues to reason with her, "All things considered this is a good step forward or at least a good way to bookend a chapter." 

Fatin quirks an eyebrow, suddenly a little more interested, "Like a swan song?"

"I mean, yeah. If this goes well, you could retire and fuck off and do something else entirely, or it could propel your career in any direction you want." 

Dot, as usual, is right. There really was no other path forward unless Fatin suddenly wants to make a career change and take up some soul-sucking corporate job or start begging orchestras for a seat to play the cello. And fuck both of those options. 

But that does leave one very particular roadblock the size of her former lyricist to factor in. Fatin frowns, "But, that means Leah has to buy in too and I don't think--"

"She's already in." Dot says, like it's not a big deal and a given. "Nora mentioned she's local, so it wasn't hard to convince her."

"Local?" Fatin repeats, stunned.

"Brooklyn, I think." 

Even so, Fatin wants to scream or maybe even flip a fucking table for dramatic effect because she wants to be angry that the universe dealt her the last hand she ever wanted to play.  

But she shows up to the first studio session anyway, at the useful reminder from Dot that she needs this to stay relevant and open up new opportunities. She must've gone numb when she walked into that studio the next day, looks Leah Rilke in the face and doesn't immediately throw hands at her pretty little face. 

(Whether or not her restraint surprises Leah in any way shape or form, she doesn't let on.)

It's not like she isn't a little obsessed with Leah's face. Still, even after all these years. She spent a meaningful couple of years pouring her heart out into melodies and life-changing music with that face, with that beautiful mind, both belonging to a one Leah Rilke. Fatin would be more annoyed at her predicament if their collaborations didn't create a magic that Fatin's never been able to recreate with any other lyricist, poet, or writer. She's definitely tried, but nothing matches Leah Rilke's perspective of the world around her and unique perspective of the inner workings of Fatin Jadmani. 

Fatin's never clicked creatively with anyone else, and she wondered for a long time whether something was wrong with her. She still has yet to come to a conclusion.

And Fatin hates that at the brink of one of her most important career moves yet, she still can't do it without Leah Rilke. Like they're tied together from the start, no matter how much they've tried to pull away since they last saw each other. Fatin muses that from Leah's perspective, she'd describe them as cosmically tied or written in the stars. For the record, Fatin hates the thought of that, too.

They're amicable enough at the studio. Everyone else in the room seems to have no idea of their history and why they stopped writing together. And, look, it should be more dramatic, like a love affair gone awry, but it never got that far. They were really good friends, writing partners, roommates, who spent a hell of a lot of time together even when Fatin was globetrotting for her tours. Feelings were had, for sure from Fatin's side-- maybe a crush, maybe an unrequited love, or however any writer would like to embellish it in Fatin Jadmani's life story for the presses-- but Leah never had a clue.

And how was Leah to know? 

At the time, Leah was having some kind of crisis with what sounded like a highly inappropriate relationship with her writing professor, who was something like twice her age, conveniently around the time Fatin's family imploded at Fatin's doing. It's not that she hates Leah for having her own issues. Shit happens. Fatin knows this.  It's that they both disappeared from each other, without a trace (at least until Leah's first novel popped up on the New York Times Best Seller's list exactly three years later.) And maybe sure Fatin ran, but maybe she wanted Leah to chase after her and not stop looking until she was found.

Instead, Fatin was left behind by her cheating father, her mom, her management team and even her label. Somehow in the fray, she lost her lyricist too. Leah might've even been her best friend, but she's not admitting that out loud. Not now. Not even when she's looking into Leah's eyes and ignoring the way her heart aches, an undercurrent of anger simmering. 

Here she is ten years later, on the brink of thirty and being chewed and thrown away by this industry for real, looking at someone who reminds her of the lowest time in her life. Maybe someone who broke her heart if Fatin gave it enough weight. Not that it matters anymore, that shit doesn't last for a decade.

Whatever's changed doesn't matter, Fatin decides. She's here to salvage whatever is left of her music career. She'll focus on that. 

(If Leah's eyes linger on her even after she's looked away, Fatin will certainly not focus on that.)

Fatin speaks first, though, surprising Leah more than anyone else in the room, "Long time no see, Rilke. How long has it been? What, ten years?"

"Something like that," Leah says cautiously, seeming to expect violence if she chooses the wrong thing to say, but meeting Fatin's gaze nonetheless.

Fatin doesn't break eye contact, "So, I have a question for you,"

Fatin doesn't pay any mind to the way Rachel, Nora, and Dot are watching their interaction. Not that Fatin can blame them. They're all aware this is the first time she and Leah have spoken in a long ass time and maybe everyone's tense at the very possibility that they've all made a terrible decision to be mostly confined to this studio for the next six weeks if Fatin and Leah want each other dead. 

Leah visibly gulps (maybe not obvious to anyone but Fatin), "Yeah?"

"Do you still take peppermint tea?"

Leah blinks, her mouth opens only to close it again. It's like Leah suddenly doesn't know how to speak.

Fatin smirks, realizing in real time that she still specializes in giving Leah Rilke a hard time, "So, what? You're an Earl Grey girl these days? Lady Grey?"

"Peppermint is- yeah," Leah shakes her head, a smile finally breaking on her face before biting her lower lip, "peppermint's good." 

"You got it," Fatin flashes a toothy grin and winks at Leah. She then addresses the rest of the group for their drink preferences and then adds, "Something tells me it's going to be a long day. Let's get this party started."

Rachel rolls her eyes at Fatin, but grins anyway, "Damn straight it is. We're about to make my best album to date." 

Fatin walks over to the makeshift kitchen the studio has available to get some air. There are some intense energies in that room, and she needs some space even for five minutes-- even if it means she's getting everyone's drinks. She brews a new pot of coffee and ends up getting something for everyone while she waits for the machine. As much as she'd like for everyone to believe that she couldn't care less about this project or the people in that room, she does, in fact, care. Not only because of her potentially doomed career if this doesn't pan out, but because when you are going to be spending a shit load of time in solitude with a group of people (either by choice or by circumstance), caring is inevitable. Unfortunately, Fatin herself is not immune to this facet of humanity. 

Well, they might as well have something nice to sip on during the process. She gets warm water with honey for Rachel and a hot chocolate for Nora. She hands Dot a Diet Coke.

She makes tea for Leah, peppermint because Leah confirmed the little detail earlier. Fatin also knows that it settles her nervous stomach especially during writing sessions, but Leah need not know that detail. If Leah wanted to question how in the world she could remember a detail like that, she doesn't bring it up and they don't talk about it. She only smiles and murmurs a 'thanks' low enough for only Fatin to hear. So what if Fatin still has Leah memorized? They worked with each other for two albums before this one. Not their first rodeo. Besides, some things Fatin just can't forget.

Rachel goes over the topics she wants to cover on the whiteboard as more of a brainstorm and starting point. Leah pays attention with a furrowed brow, nodding along to everything Rachel writes down. Fatin should be paying attention to the whiteboard, but she watches Leah. Fatin feels like they're eighteen, nineteen, and twenty again, except this time, there's a boiling resentment Fatin has in her chest. 

It sours the whole nostalgic mood, but Fatin has learned to work with what she's given (even if she low-key hates it).

They get their first song done that evening, even if it's not up to Rachel's standards. Fatin takes it as a small victory, a warm up at least, knowing it'll only get better the more they all get used to each other.

Maybe the tension eases enough for her to have a conversation with Leah that's not combative as she originally expects when Rachel leaves the studio to take a phone call. 

Nora smiles, and Fatin almost forgets that Nora's been a fan of hers, and Leah's, music. Nora gives them a thumbs up, "Don't mind Rachel. She's a perfectionist, but even she knows one demo is better than zero." With that, she bounces up on her feet, "Anyone want to check out the vending machine?"

"Oh, I am so down!" Dot also jumps up and follows Nora out of the room. 

"She might disagree, but I think we still got it." Fatin says softly as she plays the melody for the song they just wrote on the keyboard. 

Leah looks up from her notebook as she's curled up on the sofa. She studies Fatin for a long moment. She scribbles a few more notes and goes to sit next to Fatin on the bench which has just just enough room for the two of them. Leah murmurs, "It almost feels like riding a bike."

Fatin stops playing but grins up at Leah, "Guess you don't really forget."

Leah hums. She starts pressing on some keys with her right hand. It doesn't sound like anything good because Leah could only pick up so much from what Fatin originally tried to teach her all those years ago. Fatin buries the feeling that it feels like a lifetime ago, sitting next to Leah like this and hitting random keys to pass time. It almost makes her think maybe it wasn't that long ago and maybe they could have that again, if all this pans out. Fatin decides to play along with her left hand. It sounds marginally better than when it was just Leah until they look at each other and burst into laughter.

Leah's shoulders shake from laughing and Fatin's looking up at her unsure of why they're even sharing this moment. It almost reminds Fatin of how they used to be and before she can say anything, Leah beats her to it:

"There's really no forgetting you, Fatin Jadmani."

Fatin blinks. Her heart feels like it's suspended in mid air and Leah somehow holds the puppet strings. Fatin takes a breath and smirks at the woman next to her, "right back at you, Rilke. You're as sappy as you were when we were twenty and we had no fucking clue what we were doing."

"But, it was fun, right?"

There's an unsaid question in Leah's eyes that Fatin can't decipher. Can't or won't. 

Fatin chooses the easier route.

"Of course, it was," Fatin flashes a smile before bumping shoulders with Leah.

Fatin could swear that Leah blushes, but she's more lost in blue than anything else in that moment.

There might be hope for them yet. 

***

Fatin walks in with Dot trailing behind. Dot's been going on about how it'll be a good session despite the trouble they've been having with songs and that maybe they'd have better luck if Fatin was actually on time.  Before Dot can finish, she slams right into Fatin who just stands in the doorway with her head tilted at the sight before them. 

Leah and Rachel are huddled on either side of the coffee table. And if Fatin was naive enough, she would be certain they were working over lyrics. But as she suspects, they're not. They're building something out of Jenga blocks. 

Nora is surprisingly nowhere to be found, which is a shame because something tells Fatin she would've loved to see this. 

Rachel whispers, staring intensely at what Fatin can only guess is a nest with the pieces forming a circular base, "Maybe I'm meant to be an architect in a different life. Who needs to play stadiums when you can fucking build them?" 

Leah nods slowly, "You'd be such a hot architect."  

(Fatin would be into this if she wasn't so goddamn confused.)

Dot asks what Fatin's thinking, "So, are you two high or just manic?"

"Dorothy, you can't just ask people that." Fatin practically skips over to the couch to watch the unlikely pair even closer, resting her chin on her hands, "They could be both." 

"We wanted a break," Leah explains, sighing at their work with a whimsical level of admiration. "Words are literally so hard. My brain can't word right now."

"Since when does Rachel let us have breaks?" Fatin asks, despite Dot making all sorts of expressions from behind Rachel and Leah. 

Rachel grins at Leah, who then grabs her notebook to show Fatin what they've been working on.

Fatin's eyebrows shoot up when she flips through a handful of pages, muttering, "This is a whole ass song. With a bridge! No fucking way." She's already at the keyboard, pouring over the lyrics in Leah's notebook. She can't even be mad about being left out when she can practically hear the entire production in her head. 

Rachel tosses a block at Fatin, making Leah and Dot laugh.  

Fatin turns around with a raised eyebrow. "Yes?"

"It's good isn't it? I can hear your brilliant, classically-trained brain from here, Jadmani." Rachel looks so smug that even Fatin can't deny they stumbled on something amazing.

Fatin grins at Rachel and then at Leah, "We've got ourselves another song, bitches!" Fatin jumps up on her feet and points to Rachel, "Get in the booth, you hot architect bitch, you're gonna love what I have for this." 

***

In the spirit of camaraderie or maybe due to Fatin's impulsive tendencies, Fatin decides to join Leah when she says she's going to a coffee shop around the corner from the studio. She's not really sure what possesses her tag along and even Leah seems confused at her enthusiasm. 

"You know, we've been working together for, what, two weeks, pretty fucking spectacularly might I add, and we've not hung out outside of the studio." Fatin says, matter-of-factly, following Leah into the coffee shop. "I'm beginning to think I've hallucinated you or something. Like a tall ghost." Fatin eyes roam over Leah's face, "Are you getting enough sun?" 

"I think that's the late nights talking, Fatin." Leah laughs lightly, patting Fatin's face, "And it's not like we're in there everyday. Even Rachel couldn't afford that."

"Yeah, well, maybe I expected to see you more." Fatin muses out loud as she picks out something from the menu and tells the barista she'll pay for Leah's too. 

Leah waits until they found a quiet booth in a corner before saying anything, "I... didn't think you'd want to see me outside of work. You made it pretty clear you wanted to get the album out of the way and be done with it."

Done with us, Fatin hears the insinuation and ponders it as Leah grabs their drinks. She waits for the taller woman to come back and gratefully takes her coffee into her hands.

"Okay, fair enough. I've been more professional than I've been friendly." Fatin nods as she sips her coffee, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, "This just feels so weird, ya know? I never expected to be back in a studio." Never expected to be back in a studio with you, Fatin layers it pretty thick between the lines. "It's like it was before, but then again it totally isn't. Still don't know where the balance is."

"Fatin, I'm--" Leah starts, but Fatin shakes her head not wanting to hear whatever comes next.

"I didn't bring it up to make you feel like you need to apologize, Rilke." Fatin sighs, "Oh gross, don't pity me." 

Leah looks at her like she's some kind of puzzle that Leah can't figure out, but won't put down. Anything but pity. Leah admits, "I mean, my therapist says it would help to try to clear the air between us."

Fatin has to give credit where credit's due. Leah is--Leah has been-- trying to find some kind of footing with her. Fatin's not sure why-- doesn't want to go down the rabbit hole of Leah's beautiful, beautiful mind. She's really not about opening up old wounds, not with Leah. Not with anyone, really. Fatin, regardless of all the time that has passed, just can't let some habits die. 

She does what she does best. "What's there to clear?" She shrugs even though it pulls at her heartstrings to say, "It's not like we mean anything to each other anymore." 

Before Fatin can react to stop her, to amend her statement, to even clarify, Leah's already out the door. One second Leah's eyes look insanely blue and the next they're gone. She contemplates running after Leah, but she's been left before and she can do this again. Besides, maybe it's for the best that they aren't as close as they were. She instead decides to finish her coffee before following suit, if not to collect herself for the minefield she just detonated with her and Leah's complicated history. 

Rachel's gonna be fucking pissed if this blows up in front of her face. Fatin drags a hand across her forehead. Holy shit, Rachel's gonna fire their asses. And worse, Dot's probably gonna kill her.

Regrettably for Fatin, Dot clocks that something's wrong the moment Fatin gets back to the studio. Leah's practically telegraphing her annoyance, for one, but it doesn't signal to Rachel or Nora. Or, who knows, maybe they had chosen to ignore it. 

Dot shoots her a meaningful look and all Fatin can do is nod, knowing full well she's going to have a lecture or have to explain herself when they wrap up later. Fatin knows that Dot is watching her every move. She knows that Dot watches the way Leah only passes Fatin her notebook and watches the way Fatin either nods or immediately starts working on a piece on the keyboard. 

Eventually, Rachel gets to the point where she's satisfied with their progress. Leah immediately takes off. Rachel and Nora follow after, with a promise to see them the next day. 

Fatin follows Dot out to her car. They climb in and Dot drums her fingers against the steering wheel. "So, you wanna tell me what happened? The two of you are giving off some really tense vibes. As your manager, I need to make sure we mitigate any issues." 

"I know." Fatin admits, "Leah and I go way back and I didn't want to acknowledge the way back." 

"That's funny. You're not one to shy away from calling out shit." 

"Yeah, but what if I was the one that fucked up?" 

"Especially then." Dot jokes, which makes Fatin rolls her eyes. "You don't pull punches even when you're wrong." 

"Dorothy, you're making me sound like a shitty person." Fatin practically pouts, "I'm being a fucking delight as your passenger." 

"For the record, you're not a shitty person. But, you stay pretty true to your convictions. I get this. Leah probably gets this too since she's been the only person you could write music with." When Fatin scoffs, Dot offers instead, "As your friend, I don't think Leah would've willingly walked back into this whole thing with you if she didn't think you were worth it. She strikes me as about as loyal as you are." Dot chuckles, "Come on, you're telling me you didn't want to do this for her too?" 

Fatin sinks a little into the passenger, just enough so that Dot wouldn't notice. Dot wouldn't be telling her this if she didn't care, Fatin reminds herself. Fatin considers asking Dot to be her therapist, but then thinks against it. "Is this where you tell me to let bygones be bygones?" 

"No, this is where I tell you that maybe acknowledging the way back is the way forward." 

Fatin exhales and focuses on her hands in her lap. "Well, if she ever gives me a chance, I'll keep that in mind." 

Dot takes that as a concession and she goes back into manager mode, "In the meantime, be cool--"

"--when am I not?"

"I can't tell if Rachel can pick up on any of it now, but we can't let that happen."

Fatin groans, knowing exactly how she and Leah can get when they're fighting. She's really stepped in it now.

***

The thing about remembering the good times is that it brings up a lot of the bad times. Just because being Leah's musical partner still comes pretty easy to Fatin (even to this day), it doesn't mean it was sunshine and rainbows all the time. They used to have a lot of creative differences. Fatin would harness more of a go-with-the-flow approach. Leah would obsess until she was practically spinning herself into madness. But when it mattered most, they'd balance each other out and make each other better, if two albums and a sold out tour was any metric for their effectiveness as a collaborative duo. Maybe their friendship would've been another metric. 

The problem is that Fatin wasn't lying about not knowing where the balance is-- needs to be-- with Leah. Obviously, the only solution is to keep Leah at arm's length. (And, yes, maybe she's to blame.) 

It's about a week after their conversation at the coffee shop before they have a full-on argument, built up over at least 20 different floating ideas that are just not jiving and the fact that Fatin had implied that Leah means nothing to her. 

Did she mean it? Absolutely not. Was it a dick move? Definitely. Is she at a loss on how to clear the air when she created the exact mess that she wanted to avoid? Also yes. 

And, well, she'd be lying if she said she doesn't feel like an idiot. A mean one, too.

All she knows is that Leah's taking it harder than Fatin would have expected. Maybe she doesn't have her as memorized as she thought, meaning she shouldn't have said anything to Leah at all. As it stands, Leah is hardly saying anything to her and avoiding her at all costs. 

Fatin strolls in late that morning and waves hi to Dot and Nora who are in some kind of heated debate on the couch about snack food and drink pairings.

At the sight of Rachel and Leah huddled over Leah's notebook, she almost stops to ask when the fuck did those two become the Wonder Twins and she became the fifth wheel. She thinks against it, not wanting to cause a scene. 

Leah, on the other hand, decides a scene is exactly what she wants. 

"Nice of you to join us, Fatin."  Leah has a smug look on her face that Fatin goes directly to the keyboard bench to ignore it, "Have a long night?"

"It was lovely, thank you." Fatin smiles easy, decidedly not to taking the bait. She doesn't owe anyone an explanation.

"How terrible was the lay last night when you call it lovely?" Rachel comments, mostly amused and following Leah's lead.

Leah adds, "It'd be kind of hard of to compare half of New York City." 

Fatin loses her cool first, slamming her hands against the keyboard resulting in a cacophony of jarring notes that startles Rachel, Dot, and Nora, but not Leah.

Nora and Dot are suddenly watching the scene unfold with wide eyes. Rachel narrows her eyes at the interaction.

"Are you done?" Fatin asks, the control of her demeanor slipping away the longer Leah wears that dumb fucking smirk, "Why the hell does that bother you so much? I'm here now, aren't I?" 

Leah tries to play it off as professional courtesy, "Well, we're on time and we can't really finish a song without your contributions, Fatin." 

But Fatin sees right through it, "It wasn't a problem for you two to come up with lyrics any other time I walked in here late. And I had no trouble catching up. So, what? Why now? It's New York-- the trains aren't always on time." She looks at Leah and something triggers her to keep pressing. If Leah wanted a scene, Fatin will fucking give her one. She cocks her head to the side and quirks an eyebrow, her eyes not leaving Leah's, "Sure, sometimes I can be late because I'm hungover after enjoying the fine company of a bar patron all night. But do I look hungover? I'm sorry I wanted to get my money's worth with my shrink. Or is that more of a crime than having sex?" When Leah's expression falls, Fatin's already throwing caution to the wind, "Why don't you just admit that you're not bothered by the fact that I'm late?"

"Why do you care so much what I think, Fatin?" Leah fires right back, "It's not like we're friends."

Fatin rolls her eyes, "If I had known it was gonna make you paranoid, I wouldn't have said anything." 

Leah's expression hardens, "Then why say it all, Fatin? First you want to hang out and then I don't mean anything to you? Why are you trying to dictate where we stand and why the fuck are you trying to mess with my head?" 

"Am I? Are you sure it's not you spinning it up in your head." Fatin knows this is uncalled for, but she's on a roll and maybe now is the time to take that deep dive into the inner workings of Leah's mind. "Not once have I mentioned my sex life and here you are dragging it out for everyone for whatever reason you've got in that pretty little head of yours." Fatin crosses her arms and stares at Leah, who suddenly decides against looking anywhere near or at Fatin. "You're bothered because you got it in your head that I was out fucking someone all night. And what's it to you who I fuck? Don't you have a geriatric boyfriend you have to worry about?"

Leah's voice drops as she tries to find the words to say, "That's not fair, Fatin, and you know it. Don't be a fucking cunt." 

Dot jumps up from the couch and interrupts, "Okay, that's enough. Let's maybe take a breather--"

Fatin and Leah are glaring at each other, so they don't notice Dot or the fact Rachel is pissed.

"Oh, hell no," Rachel is furious, choosing to stand directly between them to fully get their attention. "Look, I didn't know that we were dragging you in here with history," Rachel throws Nora a look, who looks about as blindsided as Dot, "but we're in too deep to replace either of you." Rachel lets out a frustrated groan, "Sort your shit out before tomorrow's session. I don't care how and I don't even want to hear details. But when I walk back into this studio tomorrow, you two are going to be focused at the task at hand. Leave your baggage at the door and don't fucking bring it in here again. Got it?" She seems placated at their nods, even if their eyes don't leave each others. "Good. Come on, Nora, let's go home. It'll be nice to have a night off from these idiots. And we really gotta talk about your taste." 

Dot waits for Rachel and Nora to be out of the room before she clears her throat, "So, are you two going to be okay or should I wait outside?"

Fatin exhales sharply, then lets her shoulders drop. She pinches the bridge of her nose and asks, "Leah, can we promise not to kill each other tonight so that Dorothy can also enjoy a night off?" 

"Promise." Leah mumbles, crossing her arms over her chest. She gives Dot an apologetic look.

"Ditto." Fatin throws Dot a look, "Happy?"

Dot narrows her eyes at her friend, but heads for the door anyway,  "No, but I kind of don't want to be here for the fallout." 

Fatin squares her shoulders when the door closes and she turns to Leah, "What the hell was that, Leah?"

"It seemed harmless enough, since I apparently mean nothing to you. Fuck this, I'm not fucking staying here," Leah states before Fatin grabs her wrist, "Fatin, let go of me." 

Fatin does as she's told. Shit might be tense, but she can respect boundaries. "Hey, you said you wanted to clear the air. Now's your chance." 

"You said there was none to clear, Fatin. Don't put this all on me." 

"Fine, now's our chance." 

Leah rolls her eyes. "Gee, thanks."

Fatin starts heading for the door and it's Leah's turn to stop her, "Hey, wait how come you can leave?"

"Because I intend on coming back with tea. Do you mind?" Fatin scans Leah's face for any kind of sign, but all she reads is hurt.

Leah's defensiveness lifts and she relents, "No, go ahead." 

"Thank you." Fatin lingers at the door as she watches Leah slump down onto the couch and bury her face in her hands. She decides to add, "I'll be right back, I promise." 

Fatin's nervous. She doesn't usually get nervous. Well, she usually doesn't let on that she's nervous, but she's pretty sure if Leah were to ask her right now, she'd tell her anything she wants to know. Fatin knows that they're at the brink of something, that whatever comes next is going to make or break them. With how much she's royally screwed things up, she's worried things will break permanently. And it will be her fault. She'll have tarnished yet another good thing in her life. So, yeah, Fatin's hands shake as she pours hot water into two paper cups, tosses some tea bags in, and thinks about how she has to walk back into that room and face the proverbial music. 

She's as surprised to see Leah's where she left her as Leah is to see her come back. 

Leah gratefully takes the paper cup she offers, "Thanks." 

Her tone isn't combative, Fatin realizes. Maybe just resigned.

"Don't mention it." Fatin murmurs back, looking into her own cup for answers, for any guidance on how to move forward with this conversation. She doesn't take a seat and the only thing she can think of falls out of her mouth, "So, look, I may have been a dick and I wasn't being fair to you. " 

"Wow, Fatin, wanna be a little more specific?" Fatin doesn't answer right away, frozen in time or in thought. So, Leah fills it with her own questions, "You know if you didn't want me here, why didn't you just say so? It would've saved us both the trouble." 

"I shouldn't have implied you meant nothing to me, okay?" Fatin runs her fingers through her own hair, desperately trying to settle her nerves. She mutters, "Because how could that ever be true?" 

Leah looks defeated, like she doesn't know what to believe, and Fatin's heart aches at the sight. She hates herself for causing any kind of turmoil. Fatin, scared as she may be, knows what she has to do. It's practically straight out of the playbook of all their fights. Someone's gotta break down before they can build up. Fatin's willing to take one for the team.  Fatin approaches Leah, but decides to sit on the coffee table instead, opting to sit across from her so their knees touch. 

"I--" Fatin takes a sip of her tea. It's peppermint, like Leah's, and she lets the flavor cool over her palette while she collects her thoughts. "When you asked to clear the air between us, I got spooked. Bunch of old shit was creeping up and I desperately wanted to keep that shit locked away. A well-adjusted person would've maybe told you there was a time and place for that or that they weren't ready. I wanted to pretend it wasn't there because that's easier. I didn't mean-- I wasn't thinking about how it would affect you."

"It was a dick move, Fatin." Leah's voice cracks when she says, "Thanks for making me feel like you didn't want me around, like all that we went through was nothing, like you've forgotten us- forgotten me. That it was all in my head." 

Fatin sighs deeply, "You were my best friend, you know? We were on top of the world. Who gets lucky enough to have their best friend with the world at their feet?" Fatin watches as Leah picks at her fingers before placing her hand to cover them instead, "And then my life blew up. Well, I blew it up, anyway. My parents disowned me and suddenly you weren't even my lyricist and I pushed you away as my friend. Because I ruined it with my own notions of how things should be, I had to learn how to live without you. Which was harder than I thought. Our music was everywhere and it almost felt like I couldn't get away from you." 

Leah reaches out and taps Fatin's knee, asking for Fatin to look at her. When she does, Leah addresses the scary topic they've been avoiding, "Is that what you still want? To get away from me? To pretend we weren't best friends?"

Fatin knows Leah's giving her an out. That if she doesn't want this-- whatever this is-- then they could walk away from this, from each other. They've been through enough together, know each other well enough, to know that if they don't meet in the middle, they'll tear each other apart. The damage would be irreparable.  

Fatin shakes her head, "No, quite the opposite, actually. Doing this whole thing reminded me what I enjoyed about music-- my music-- to begin with. The creative process. Layering the production even Rachel thinks I take too long. Banging my head against the keyboard because the sound annoys you. Arguing with you about lyrics even though I don't know shit about words. Arguing with you about arrangement even though you don't know shit about music theory."  Fatin looks up and all she can see is blue, "You." Fatin echoes what she's been trying to avoid this whole time, "There's no forgetting you, Leah Rilke. Believe me, I've tried." 

And just like that, the dam between them breaks. Their paper cups lay forgotten on the floor. Fatin blinks and Leah pulls Fatin into a hug, Leah's hand on the back of Fatin's neck. Fatin wraps her arms around Leah, holding on for dear life. Leah lets out a sob and shoves at Fatin's shoulder. 

"God, Fatin, you bitch. I told you I'd be right back and then you were gone! And all your stuff followed the next week. " Fatin doesn't need context to know that Leah's cutting right to the chase. It breaks her heart the way Leah's voice cracks, "And then you fucking ghosted me. I spent years thinking about what would've happened if I just ignored that call from Jeff. I don't know, maybe I wouldn't have lost-I wouldn't have lost everything." 

It never crossed Fatin's mind that Leah would lose anything other than Fatin, didn't fathom how tethered they were. It all comes flooding back to Fatin in flashes. Fatin was stone cold sober, phone in hand with a fully written email, with the intention to set off a bomb. Leah had looked at her like she was porcelain or a ticking time bomb. Fatin saw Leah's phone, saw Jeff's name, and watched as Leah walked into the hallway to take the call. That's when Fatin decided that what she needed to do was hers and alone. Damn the consequences. So when Leah promised she'd return after her call, she slipped away and didn't look back. She set off the bomb and couldn't look back. 

"I think that was inevitable, Leah. I chose to leak that story about my dad to TMZ and I had to deal with the consequences. Apparently, it meant my whole life." Fatin sighs, "I knew I couldn't take you down with me."

"I wish you wouldn't decide things for me unilaterally like that." Leah says, exasperated, "You shouldn't have had to do that all alone."  

"I had Dorothy." Fatin chuckles, thinking of a young Dot Campbell willing to take the biggest risk in the music industry on as her first client. "My brothers reached out every now and then so at least I knew they were okay." Fatin lets out a sardonic laugh, "Besides I like to think I grew up to be the hottest has-been you've ever seen." 

Leah smiles, "You were always hot."

Fatin's mouth hangs open for a moment, "I knew you looked at the goods."

Leah blushes and Fatin takes it as a step in the right direction.

"So, can we call a truce? Maybe promise that we'll talk to each other like actual adults instead of all this weird passive aggressive, slut-shaming we've gotten ourselves into?" Fatin studies Leah's face before reaching up and tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear, "Think of all the missed out potential of our combined talent. We could have handed Rachel a fully realized album, like yesterday." 

"Yeah, no offense, you're kind of hard to work with. Sometimes late and very insistent we stay away from string accompaniments because, and I quote, not everything has to be a Bach homage." Leah says with a teasing smile, "It's really been an impediment to our progress."

Fatin rolls her eyes, "Well, excuse me, I'm not the one who insists everything has to be in sonnet form." 

"That was one time!" Leah cries out, crossing her arms in protest, " Besides, it was a phase. I've moved on."

"Oh, are we on to haikus?" Fatin quirks an eyebrow, " I'm sure Rachel will love how concise it all is. Have we considered a limmerick? She's not one for an extended metaphor, which is a shame because those are the best kinds of songs." 

"Since when do you pay attention to metaphors?" Leah asks, her eyebrows furrowing together. 

"Hey, I read!" Leah gives her a look and Fatin struggles to say in between laughs, "I do, sometimes! How else was I supposed to expand my vocabulary without my lyricist?" 

Leah bites her bottom lip and sighs, "You know, I almost told Nora no when they reached out." Leah barks out a laugh, "I spent years wondering where you were and then I get a call saying there's a real possibility you'd show up."

"You figured you finally had an opportunity to slut-shame me again, was that it?"

"Yeah, sorry about that." Leah scratches at her temple, "Old habits die hard." 

"I'm sorry, too. I know how your head gets and what I said was completely below the belt." Fatin chuckles, "God, is it weird to say I miss fighting with you?"

"Yes?" Leah looks at her confused, but then leans in to rest her head on Fatin's chest, "But, also same."

Fatin laughs and Leah almost looks taken aback by the sound. If Fatin didn't know any better, she'd say that Leah's going to cry. Fatin pulls her back in.

"I missed you, Fatin." Leah confesses, peering up at Fatin, "More than you know." 

Fatin murmurs, "Look at us, two dumb bitches finally admitting we missed each other." 

"Technically, you didn't say it." Leah mumbles into her shoulder.

Fatin rests her cheek against the top of Leah's head, "Alright fine, I missed you, Leah Rilke. There's no getting rid of me now." 

***

The night air greets them when they step outside. The tension between them lessened tenfold, much to Fatin's relief. But Leah seems to welcome the ease between them, too. 

After a stretch of a neighborhood block's worth of comfortable silence, Leah finally asks, "Fatin, why did you agree to do this?" 

"Dot did a lot of convincing, to be honest. I guess I was kind of tired of running away from that time in my life and I figured it was time to reclaim it. If it turns out I hate it as much as I made myself believe in my head, at least I know I tried. Go big or go home, and all, right?" Fatin watches Leah from the corner of her eye, watches her mind take her somewhere else for the briefest moment only to nod in response. "Now, that we're done saying incredibly shitty things at each other," Fatin bumps shoulders with Leah as they walk to the station, "what have you been up to all these years? To think we've been across the East River from each other this entire time?" 

"Well, I've been writing..." Leah makes a face, finally catching what Fatin was really asking, "You're asking about Jeff aren't you?" 

"How could I not? I remember a lot of things about you, Leah, and the way you would look at your phone and smile because he texted you back is one of them." Fatin shrugs, trying veer away from seeming like an obsessed creep and instead commit to the casual tone she started with, "I was under the impression that you were like madly in love with him." Fatin was under the impression if she left, Leah wouldn't miss her. 

"Yeah, but it was inappropriate and just so wrong." Leah scoffs, wrapping her arms around herself. "The school found out, and then I found out there were other students he was involved with." 

"Oh, shit." Fatin grits through her teeth, her hands balling up into fists, "That motherfucker."  

Leah raises her hand to pick at her eyebrow, "Yeah, apparently when a man tells you you're not like other girls it's because he knows the other girls.  Major red flag." 

Fatin rolls her eyes, "I could've told you that was a red flag." 

"No 'I told you so's please. It's embarrassing enough as is." Leah pleads, dropping her hand from her eyebrow to take one of Fatin's balled up fists and intertwine their fingers instead. 

"Yeah, it was embarrassing. For that sleazy creep!" Fatin visibly calms when Leah tugs at her hand, much to Leah's relief, "Did his ass end up in jail, at least?" 

"No, but the school fired him and I'm pretty sure no schools would take him after that."

"We love to see it. Would've loved it even more if he--"

"--Fatin, it's okay." Leah squeezes her hand, "I'm okay. I transferred to Columbia to get as far as away from the Bay as possible. Wrote a couple books. I mostly freelance now."

"So why do the whole songwriting thing again?" 

"Same as you, I guess. I needed to know whether it was really time to walk away from it." Leah says as she looks down at their joined hands. "I didn't expect you to be here after all this time." 

Fatin gets the sense they're both tiptoeing around something that Fatin can't put a finger on, but she decides to leave it for another day because today has been hard enough as is. Instead, Fatin squeezes her hand in return, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"I'm not." Leah says with a grimace, "Ian said I was prolific, but a wreck. I didn't want you to see me like that." 

"What? Afraid you're going to scare me away?" Fatin tries to joke but it doesn't land because Leah looks at her and drops her hand, "Shit, sorry. Too soon?" 

"Way too soon, Fatin." Leah spits, wiping at her nose, "We literally just made up like two fucking hours ago." 

Fatin is reminded of what she did, the damage she left, the pieces she's desperately trying to pick up, and she places a comforting hand on Leah's shoulder. "Hey, I'm sorry. Won't happen again. I meant it earlier, you're stuck with me now. Besides, we're kind of in this together." 

Leah starts chewing on her bottom lip, mulling over how to ask the question bouncing around in her head, "What about after this whole thing?" 

Fatin stops walking, falling a few steps behind Leah so Leah has to turn around to face Fatin. "I don't know yet." Had it been earlier or even a week ago, Fatin would've thought of an elaborate pipe dream to distract from the fact that she's been feeling lost lately. She throws caution to the wind again, looking up at Leah and placing her heart on her sleeve, "But I know I don't want to lose you again." 

***

Dot is hot on her heels as she walks around the block to the studio. Fatin rolls her eyes, "You're being helicopter manager, Dorothy. Lighten up." 

"Well, I didn't hear from you last night. It either means you were at a bar all night or you and Leah--"

"Everything's fine. We made up." Fatin shrugs, trying to make it as short and sweet as possible and hoping that sentence wasn't going where she thinks it was going. Besides, she's still processing it all; how much lighter she feels; how confessing that she didn't want to lose Leah again has given her more purpose than running away ever had; how they have a chance now.  

"That's it?" Dot doesn't look convinced.

Fatin throws her hands up in the air, "Ugh, fine, I took your advice and acknowledged our shitty history." 

Dot pretends to wipe away tears, "I'm literally so proud of you." 

"Ew, Dorothy, can we not?" Fatin makes a face, opening the door to the studio building and decidedly not holding it open for Dot. 

She hears Dot grunt, "Okay, rude!" 

And when they reach the studio door, she actually holds it open for Dot. "Happy?" 

Fatin's surprised to see that Leah's the only one there and that she's sitting at the keyboard playing a tune that scratches a distant memory in the back of Fatin's mind. Leah's so wrapped up in what she's doing, that she doesn't even notice the commotion of Dot and Fatin walking in. So, Fatin raises a finger up to her own lips to signal Dot to keep quiet so that Fatin can sneak over and surprise Leah.

Leah jumps when Fatin's hands land on her shoulders. "Jesus! Fatin, you scared me!"

"I like to think of it as surprising you." Fatin laughs and pats Leah on the head. 
 
Leah shakes her head, causing Fatin to lower her hand back to her shoulder,  "You suck." 

"Quite contraire, I am fantastic, thank you very much. Ask Dorothy how delightful I am." 

"Leave me out of this," Dot deadpans, not bothering to look up from her phone. 

Leah scoots over and Fatin happily takes a seat. She flashes a grin at the taller woman. Leah attempts to ignore Fatin and continues playing until Fatin finally recognizes it, "You still remember how to play this? What is it again? Block? Brick? Brick." 

The corner of Leah's mouth curls up at Fatin's antics, "It's one of my favorite Ben Folds songs." 

"Yeah, I would know." Fatin mutters, "You begged me for weeks to learn it so I could teach you, instead of like Mary Had a Little Lamb." 

"You taught me that, too." Leah supplies, knowing full well Fatin's going to ignore her. "I don't remember that one though." 

"It's also depressing as fuck." Fatin grimaces, "Very on brand for teenage Leah, though."

"I had It in my head last night." Leah shrugs, pressing random keys and looking forlorn.

Fatin rolls her eyes, "Fine, here, I'll play it." 

Leah's eyes light up, absolutely delighted Fatin would do this for her. Fatin begins to wonder if she's been bamboozled but she can't get her self to care when Leah leans against her as she plays. Fatin can't help but think about how they used to pass time like this when they were younger. Fatin never really questioned how vastly different they were. They just made sense. Where Fatin lacks in poetic words, she makes up for in vision, arrangements, and vibes. Leah fills in the rest. And vice-a-versa. 

When Fatin eventually finishes the song, a voice that isn't Dot's makes them jump. They also hear a shutter sound of a camera. Leah's head whips around and Fatin's eyes linger on the side of her face before assessing the rest of the room. 

Rachel has an amused look on her face, which is a good sign in Fatin's book. Nora, on the other hand, looks fucking delighted as she still holds up her phone. 

Fatin grins, "Tag us, will you, Nora?" 

Leah groans and rests her forehead against Fatin's shoulder. 

Nora nods enthusiastically, "The internet's gonna flip when they find out you two are making music again." 

Rachel looks Fatin and then at Leah, who hasn't moved. She smirks, "I take it you two have sorted your shit out?" 

Fatin's heart drops at the insinuation. That their shit is somehow more than having a heart-to-heart. Leah doesn't seem to be bothered, if she noticed at all. Fatin has no choice but to agree, "Yeah, we promise we won't bring our personal shit in here and risk tarnishing your precious project. Right, Leah?" 

Leah sits up straight and salutes, "Scout's honor." 

Rachel cocks an eyebrow, "Scouts, really?" 

Leah winces, "I don't know, I wasn't in any of those groups. I think I was in Girls Scouts for like a week, but my troop leader got mad that I was reading all the time and wasn't participating. It's not my fault that that the Hunger Games was more exciting." 

"I don't blame you there,' Nora comments, looking up from her phone briefly. 

"Wow, fucking nerds." Fatin winks at Leah. She turns to Rachel, "You ready to do this?" 

"Yeah, but first things's first," Rachel accuses Fatin, "you've been holding out on me. Nora took me on a little deep dive of your entire catalog to convince me not to come in here and fire you. And you're lucky it worked." Fatin and Leah share a grimace, but Rachel wears a mischievous grin, "What's it going to take to get you to bring your cello in here?"

"Absolutely fucking not." 

Rachel smirks and shares a look with Dot, "I've heard that before." 

***

"Dorothy, I hope you know you're also giving me a ride home." Fatin grunts as she maneuvers her cello case into the room. Before Dot can say anything, she bumps into Fatin who's yet again stood frozen at the door to watch the spectacle in the room.

Leah, Rachel, and Nora are stood in what looks like some kind of formation. Somehow, they've gotten a hold of a triangle, a tambourine, and a kazoo, respectively. There's a metronome going steady on the coffee table. 

"These bitches are doing fucking choreo, Dorothy." Fatin whispers to Dot, who just looks beyond confused, "Without me!" 

Leah notices Fatin first, smiling brightly when their eyes meet. She bounds over and helps Fatin rest her cello case safely in the corner so it doesn't fall. She grabs Fatin by the hands and leads her to the couch, cupping Fatin's face like she's the most precious thing in the world before rejoining the twins. 

Fatin takes a second to calm her racing heart. There's a part of her that thought, or maybe even hoped, that Leah was going to kiss her. But she doesn't and Fatin has to quickly shake herself out of that spell. Fatin pats the seat next to her so Dot can join her. They don't really know what to expect, but Fatin is sure they will not be disappointed by any measure. 

It takes about four bars of Nora's kazoo playing to realize it's her own damn song that they're playing. So, she hides her face in her hands until Dot tugs at her sleeve and nods towards Leah. Leah attempts her best impression of a jazz lounge singer, and Fatin is a goner. 

Rachel looks so confused that Leah abruptly stops and rambles on how it just came to her. Nora, hilariously, continues her kazoo part without a hitch. Rachel counts to the beat of the metronome and they begin an extensive routine with such precision that only Rachel Reid could've arranged it and taught it to two people who are not versed in having any rhythm ever whatsoever. Leah tries her best to stay on beat, but Fatin can tell she's off slightly. Even then, it's still the best performance she's ever seen in her life.

When the girls bow, Dot and Fatin give them a standing ovation. 

"Okay, so I'm definitely leaving a raving review." 

Leah makes a face, "No, please don't." 

Fatin pretends to type on an invisible keyboard, "Triangle girl was a little off, but fuck me. Eleven out of ten, easy. Can't wait for the world tour." 

Laughter ensues. Leah grabs Nora's kazoo and chucks it at Fatin. 

***

"I don't want to get rid of the piano version." Rachel says with crossed arms as she stares at the audio tracks on the screen. "But I need to hear it with strings." 

"Then we keep it." Fatin says without hesitating. "And record a different version." 

"You're serious?" Rachel looks at Fatin like she's grown three heads. 

"We already have your vocals. Just, like, make it a bonus track." Fatin shrugs, "If a song is that good or that important to you, make a whole family of remixes. " 

Rachel turns around and asks Leah who's sitting on the couch with Nora, "She's serious?" 

Leah shrugs, smiling up at Fatin, "Fatin did it all the time."

"Fatin has more Remix EPs than albums," Nora adds turning her laptop around to show Fatin's Spotify artist page. 

"Fuck it, you indecisive bitches will be the death of me." Rachel points at Fatin, "Jadmani, you're up." 

"Yes, coach." Fatin salutes and dodges Rachel's attempt to swat at her for her cheekiness. She catches Leah getting up and taking a seat next to Rachel at the board. Rachel hands Leah headphones and Fatin feels like her heart is going to explode. 

It's not like she's never played in front of Leah or people in general. But it has been a while, and maybe even Leah knows how important this is to Fatin as minor as it may be. She flexes her hands and waits for Rachel's signal to go.

She gets swept up in playing, freestyling when she sees Rachel give her a thumbs up. When she's done, she walks out of the recording booth and immediately walks over to the computer. She clicks on a few layers before hitting play and waiting for it to play out to the end. "Well?" 

Rachel walks over to the whiteboard that has sticky notes of all the songs Rachel wants for the album, organized in chronological order with one last spot available. She places a sticky note in said spot and looks back at Fatin with a grin,"You've just got yourself a feature, Jadmani." Rachel looks both impressed and satisfied, and Fatin can't help but revel in pride. 

Fatin hits save and jumps up to announce, "Ladies and ladies, Fatin Jadmani is back in action!"

"Hear, hear!" Dot raises her Diet Coke can. Rachel and Nora high-five her. 

Leah jumps up and runs into Fatin's arms. Leah whispers, "I'm so proud of you." 

Fatin almost feels like she's going to cry, so she holds onto her a little tighter.

"Hey, Lovebirds," Rachel pulls them out of their moment, looking at them expectantly.

Fatin and Leah pull apart and try to explain at the same time: "We're not--"

Rachel cuts them off with a look, "As I was saying, the label is appeased. We're also ahead of schedule, so there's even time to make the finishing touches in the coming weeks. Or they can just deal, I haven't decided yet." Her face breaks into a full on smile. Scratch what Fatin thought earlier, this is the happiest Rachel's looked, "So that just leaves us with one last task for today," she grins at everyone, "how are we celebrating?" 

***

Leah's brilliant plan is to bring them to a book shop. Standing outside and looking up at the closed placard on the door, the only other person remotely excited to be here is Nora. 

Fatin, looking more confused than anything, decides to point out the gaps in expectation, "Leah, not to seem ungrateful and uncooperative, but when we said celebrate, we meant something with booze." 

"It'll be a good time, trust me." Leah promises with a reassured nod. Gods help her, but she actually looks pretty pleased with herself and Fatin doesn't know if it's an elaborate prank. "Just a little low-key. But it'll be fun." 

"Low-key fun?" Fatin echoes, throwing unsure looks to Rachel and Dot who seem to be as unsure as she is. 

Leah goes through her keys and unlocks the front door of the closed bookshop.

"So, you're either gonna murder us in a bookshop or we're gonna read a bunch of books." Rachel says flatly, looking entirely unimpressed with the aisles of books. 

Fatin thinks it's cute and it's absolutely Leah's vibe, but she's having a hard time figuring out why they're here.

Leah rolls her eyes and holds the door open for the group to enter, "No, of course not. I mean, I won't stop you from reading the books, but if Toni catches you, you'll have to pay for it. And there's no talking her out of it, either. Roommate privileges don't count here." 

Fatin's eyebrows pull together out of concern, passing Leah in the doorway, "You live in a bookshop?" 

"Above the bookshop." Leah says matter-of-factly and Fatin finds it endearing. She closes the door behind them and calls out, "Hey Shelby? Toni?" 

"We're in the back!" A voice with a southern drawl sounds from the back. "Table's just about set!" 

Leah leads them through a set of double doors only to be met with a table set for a feast. 

A blonde woman, who is a vision of perfection welcomes them, introduces herself as Shelby and the smaller, angry looking one as Toni. Fatin assumes they're an item. Shelby even introduces a kind-faced woman named Martha, who's been helping set up in the background. Fatin briefly wonders just how close they all are. Shelby congratulates them for the album, meaning that Leah likely keeps up with them regularly. 

Leah introduces everyone and gives her thanks to Shelby, "Thanks again for letting me hijack family dinner." 

"Well, it's not every day we get to celebrate a finished album, fresh from the studio at that." Shelby says with a dismissive hand, "You hardly tell us when you finish a manuscript, so it's nice to get to celebrate you for once, Leah." 

Martha can't seem to contain her excitement, "It's not every day we get celebrities here. Leah hardly brings anyone around, except Ian."

"Ian's away at a conference, so he can't join tonight." Leah explains, leading Fatin over to the other side of the table. "Hey, I don't know that many celebrities. I've only worked with Fatin and Rachel."

Toni, with what Fatin can only describe as a mischievous smirk, asks Leah, "So which one is your favorite?" 

At the same time Shelby not-so-discreetly kicks Toni under the table, Rachel joins in, "That's a great question, Leah. Please do enlighten us. I'm dying to know." 

Fatin watches it unfold fully amused until Leah looks to her for help, "I mean, it's pretty obvious I'm the favorite."

"Fatin, no." Leah's protests are unheard.

"I'm clearly the hotter one out of the two of us, even though you're the one with superior choreo." 

Rachel attempts and fails to pull off a convincing enough scowl only to laugh when she makes eye contact with Fatin and they both lose it. 

It doesn't take long for all of them to fall into light chatter as they eat dinner. Fatin questions how Leah's friends could even get this together on such short notice, but she learns that Martha is a chef and grabs food that doesn't meet restaurant standards. Furthermore, Shelby and Toni own and run the bookshop as a safe space for queer people in the community. Shelby grew up in an unfortunate religious household and fell in love with Toni in college. This turned out to be her purpose in life and even carved out the back room to hold events and what Fatin understands as DnD campaigns that Martha runs. (Leah later informs her that it does not, in fact, stand for Do Not Disturb.)  Leah became their roommate when she was finishing up her grad program and they've just stuck together since. 

At one point, Martha leans over and whispers something to Toni which makes Toni immediately hop up and run through a set a doors. Shelby doesn't look too confused by her behavior like everyone else. When she returns with bottles of champagne, the night becomes a bit of a blur to Fatin. 

After a few glasses, Fatin's leaning on her elbows and taking it all in, the buzz creeping into something stronger in her gut. Fatin looks around the table and feels at home for the first time in a long time. She catches Leah watching her with soft eyes and she can't resist reaching for Leah's hand under the table. 

"So, for the grand prize of the last piece of cake, courtesy of Marty, let's duke it out." Toni's the rowdiest and Leah's the target of her inquiries. From the way that Leah just looks at Toni unamused, this seems like a common occurrence. "To start off, who here wasn't a fan of Fatin?" 

Fatin raises her hand confidently, and the table erupts saying she wasn't allowed to vote. "What? Toni asked the whole group. I had to be honest." 

Toni rolls her eyes, and Fatin watches how Shelby looks on with a glint in her eye. Gods, they're disgustingly cute. "Alright fine. Fatin, you can't participate per judgment of the rest of the table. Keep your opinions to yourself." 

"I will not!" Fatin raises her glass and winks. "I demand halfsies with the winner! The criteria is about me, after all." 

A bunch of them shrug while the rest roll their eyes. 

"Who here was Fatin's biggest fan?" 

Rachel speaks up first, "I'm out on this one. I only knew singles, but very impressive catalog, my friend." 

Dot shrugs, "I know the whole works, but it's a conflict of interest if I'm her manager." 

"Good on you, Dorothy," Fatin says with a wink, earning her an eye roll from Dot. 

Martha admits sadly, "I'm only familiar with her first album." 

"Sorry, Marty, you're out." Toni pats her shoulder. "Shelby, Nora, Leah, how do you defend?"

"It's gotta be me, babe." Shelby says, already holding her hand out for the cake, "you've seen my collection." 

"It is pretty impressive." Toni agrees, "But we should let Nora and Leah try for it." 

Nora shrugs, trying to come off nonchalant, "I'm more of an enthusiast. The hyper fixations come and go." 

"Bullshit!" Rachel calls out, "she's a moderator for Fatin's subreddit."

"Not a super active one." Nora says shyly, tucking her hair behind her ears. 

"Ooh, totally unrelated, but can Dot reach out to you for an AMA? That'd be fun." Fatin says leaning her chin on her hand. "But on a related note, Nora's gotta be the winner." 

"Wait what about me?" Leah cries out, suddenly defensive, taking everyone by surprise, "Don't I get to try for the last piece?" 

 "How are you going to beat that?" Toni says, raising an eyebrow, almost like she's challenging Leah. But, Fatin can't tell what for the life of her.

"I mean, I'm her best friend, aren't I?" 

That's the first time Fatin's heard Leah call her her best friend in over ten years and Fatin can't fight the smile spreading across her face. 

"Conflict of interest!" Dot yells, banging her fist on the table. 

"And my trusty lyricist." Fatin says with a flutter of her eyelashes

"Conflict!" Nora calls out in agreement. 

Leah pouts, "Toni's just being mean and wants me to admit that I've seen every single one of Fatin's performances on the internet--"  

Leah's eyes widen and her mouth hangs open in shock. Everyone else but Toni seems to have the same reaction. Toni can't hold in her laughter even when Shelby admonishes her for it. 

Fatin downs an almost full flute of champagne and then grins, "Leah, no, you have not seen every performance I've done in the last ten years." 

Leah's face scrunches up and she refuses to make eye contact, definitely refuses to acknowledge it at all. 

"She has." Toni says into her glass.

Shelby hides a smile behind her hand, "So many times, I'm afraid." 

"Oh no," Leah groans, turns a shade of red that Fatin has never seen, "I hate you both. Traitors!" 

Fatin wears her biggest shit-eating grin, her heart has surely grown many times its size, "Wait, so do you have a favorite? A go-to in your lonely nights?" 

Leah swats at Fatin before burying her face into her hands, "I hate every single one of you." 

Fatin leans against Leah's shoulder as she watches Nora stand up from her seat. 

"Leah's got at least two counts of conflict of interest. That cake is mine!" 

No one fights her on it, entirely amused or taken for a wild ride by the events of dinner. Fatin doesn't even bother to harrass Nora for halfsies, especially when Leah's holding her hand under the table again.

***

Fatin can only assume she passes out because when she comes to, she's in what she assumes is Leah's room. It's another few seconds before she realizes she's in Leah's bed, curled up against Leah's side. 

Leah's wearing her hair up in a messy ponytail. She's got glasses on. She's sitting up against the headboard, absentmindedly chewing on her thumbnail, as she reads what seems to be an exciting paragraph. Fatin just takes her in. 

It takes Leah a while to notice that Fatin's awake. "Hey, you okay?" 

"Yeah," Fatin manages, her voice barely helping her, "not that I'm complaining by any means, but can you remind me how I got here?" 

Leah closes her book, "Well, you kind of insisted that you stay with me tonight." 

"Well, that tracks for me, I guess." 

"Yeah, Dot would've taken you home, but you kind of," Leah tries not to laugh, "climbed into my lap and you wouldn't let her near you. She left but I promised her you'd text her in the morning." Fatin nods, all of it coming back fuzzy. "So I took you up here so you could sleep. I went back down to help with cleanup. When I came back, you were still sleeping."

"Damn, I've just lost all my street cred." 

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me." Leah takes the opportunity to put her book and glasses on her nightstand. 

"And the rest of the girls." Fatin groans. "But I guess that was bound to happen. I didn't mean to get that drunk." Fatin looks at the time and it's almost 4am, "You haven't slept yet?"

"Bookworm problems, I guess." Leah's picking at her eyebrow and Fatin sobers up real quick if she hadn't already.

Fatin sits up, clears her throat, and reaches up to stop Leah's hand. She pulls Leah's hand down and traces patterns on her palm. Leah's watching her with a curious look in her eye, like she's trying to figure Fatin out or maybe she can see right through her. Fatin takes a deep breath, suddenly finding their hands very interesting, "I'm going to try something...and I can't promise it's gonna go okay." 

When she dares to peek up at Leah, Leah looks at her like she's hanging on Fatin's every word with baited breath. That gives Fatin the courage she needs to do something she's been wanting to do since they were eighteen. Fatin leans up slowly and Leah's eyes are already flitting down to her mouth, and Fatin kisses her, soft and sure. 

Panic washes over Fatin when she pulls back, but it quickly subsides at the sight of Leah in a daze. Her eyes are fluttering open like she's trying to catch up with time. Fatin smiles so hard her cheeks hurt, and before she can process it, Leah's grabbing her face and kissing her again. Deeper this time, with a little more fervor until they break apart for air. 

Leah whispers, "We should go to sleep because I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to stop."  She places a kiss on Fatin's forehead and Fatin leans into the touch,  "What are you doing tomorrow?" 

"Probably gonna have a massive hangover, but hopefully I get to suffer with you, if you'll have me." 

"I like the sound of that." 

***

Fatin sits up in Leah's bed and rubs the sleep from her eyes. She scans the room looking for a particular brunette and finds her at her desk, scribbling away in her notebook. She gets up and pads over to where Leah's sitting.  She slips her arms around Leah's neck from behind, "What are you working on?" 

"My latest manuscript. I think I made a breakthrough. I've been stuck on this for ages. My editor's gonna be thrilled." Leah sighs, sticking her pen in her notebook and shutting it. She leans up for Fatin to kiss her.  

Fatin chuckles, "You're telling me you've had writer's block all this time?" 

"Yeah, it didn't seem like it since I could write in the studio." Leah shrugs, "As soon as I would get home, I'd be stuck." 

Fatin grins down at her, "Does this make me your muse?" 

"You're literally so full of yourself, Fatin," Leah laughs, shaking her head. She stops and ponders it for a moment, "Maybe you are." 

"Maybe I am." Fatin smiles before she makes her way to the bathroom and lets out a yelp.

"Fatin?" Leah rushes over. "What happened?"

"Why am I wearing my face?" Fatin appears in the doorway, staring down at what appears to be her own merch. "Not that I'm complaining, it's a good face. But, why on earth am I wearing it?" 

Trying to sound coherent between her own maniacal laughter, Leah explains, "You pulled it out of the bottom of my drawer, mind you. You asked me if I liked that face and when I said yes, you immediately changed into it." The way Leah flushes pink doesn't go unnoticed, "So, yeah." 

"Remind me to never have champagne ever again." Fatin decides, "I should be a strictly tequila kinda gal." 

"You might want to revisit that at a later time, just saying." Leah offers with an endeared smile. 

"Sure, but can we rewind to when you said you liked this face," Fatin asks, pointing at the shirt and then her own face. "And also, why do you have my merch?" 

"I wasn't kidding when I said I was your biggest fan, Fatin Jadmani." 

"If I wasn't into you, I'd be a little creeped out." 

"Fatin, you literally gave me these shirts because I told you they were cute." 

"Oh, so it's my fault you have a drawer full of my face?" Fatin teases even though her heart swells at the thought of Leah keeping freebies after all these years, "Way to deflect, Rilke." 

Leah rolls her eyes and pulls Fatin in for a kiss. Fatin doesn't mind shutting up then. 

***

It's another six months until Rachel's album launch is on the horizon and close enough to touch. Fatin actually finds herself excited for it. Shelby and Martha already have their pre-orders in. Fatin does, too, but she won't admit it to Leah or Rachel. 

"Fatin, I'm telling you, there's been so much buzz about Rachel's album that you're in such high demand now." Dot excitedly paces back and forth in Fatin's living room. 

Fatin's got her arm around Leah, who's choosing to read during Fatin and Dot's business meeting. Leah had offered to make herself scarce, but Fatin told her it wouldn't take long. 

"Well, what kind of demand?" 

"I have artists in LA and Nashville wanting to work with you." 

Fatin can feel Leah tense up, so she squeezes her shoulder to reassure her somehow. "Anyone in New York?" 

"Not yet, but I can put some feelers out." Dot types into her phone. "I'll make that a priority, actually. I'll also let you both know if Rachel needs you to do press of any kind. Or really if you're allowed to do any press." 

Fatin throws Dot a grin that can only be followed by mischief, "Can you ask Rachel if we talk to the press, will she let us be the Antonoff to her Swift?" 

"I'm...not sure she'd like that analogy, " Dot says, but typing it into her phone anyway. 

"Well, run it through Nora. She'll get it." Leah suggests.

"Not a half bad Idea. Thank you, Leah." She looks at them and back at her notes, "Anything else?"

"Oh, and if she wants to write a jukebox musical can we be the Menken to her Ashman?" 

Dot sighs, dejectedly, "That sounds like a Nora question." 

Leah laughs softly and buries her face into Fatin's neck. 

Dot takes a look at them and grins, "Alright, I can take a hint. I'll catch you guys at family dinner?" She's already heading out the door before they can even respond. 

Leah looks at the door and then at Fatin, "She seems really busy these days." 

"She's got a boy toy, I think." Fatin muses, "She won't tell me who, but it's looking pretty serious. It's nice she has more time for herself." 

"Well, I think you have to consider that you've been preoccupied too." Leah says, playing with Fatin's hands. 

"Are you implying I was overworking Dorothy?" Fatin says indignantly. 

Leah elaborates, "No, but I think there's better balance now." 

"Are you implying--"

"--Hey, babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and kiss me." 

Fatin does as she's told. She kisses Leah, smiles into it as Leah's hand slides up to cup her cheek. She pulls back and plants one more chaste kiss on Leah's lips, "Happy?"

"Very." Leah gets up and places a kiss on Fatin's cheek, "but you also keep your condo freezing. I'm stealing a sweatshirt." 

Fatin laughs and waits for Leah to return. She emerges with a plain maroon hoodie, one of Fatin's favorites. "I fully expect that back." 

"Fat chance, your closet is just full of merch with your face on it." Leah teases. 

"Um, hello. Those were all from your closet." Fatin responds in kind,  "But you know I've been thinking about it, it's cute that you're like so obsessed with me." 

"Oh my God, you're never gonna let the whole performance thing go, are you?" 

"Absolutely not. When they make a documentary about our life together, that's gotta be front and center." 

"God, I'm never telling Toni and Shelby anything ever again." Leah groans,  "I'm so glad you haven't read any of my stuff." 

"What makes you think I haven't?"

"What does that mean?" Leah blinks and her face blanches. "What do you mean? Fatin?!"

Fatin sighs, "So I may have been a bitch about calling you a nerd for reading so much, but, fuck me, I'm your biggest fan."

Leah shakes her head and furrows her eyebrows, "Fatin, that's not funny. You don't even own books." 

Fatin chuckles and gets up from the couch. She holds her hand out and Leah skeptically takes it. She leads her to a bookshelf. There aren't a lot of books. One shelf has a couple of books on music theory on one side, but the other is lined with books with Leah's name. "What can I say?" Fatin shrugs, "I own yours." 

Leah stares at the shelf, mouth agape. She runs her fingers over the bindings and turns to Fatin with teary eyes. "Why?"

"Well, I'd be a horrible best friend if I didn't support you even if I was too chickenshit to say anything to your face." Admittedly, it was a way to stave off the guilt of abandoning her best friend, but she found herself pouring over Leah's words and found them a sense of comfort.

"Fatin, that usually means like congratulating them." Leah's gesturing so hard, Fatin thinks her hands are gonna fly off. "Not having every paperback and hardcover edition."

Despite her best efforts, Fatin was having a hard time following why this was somewhat triggering for Leah. "Well, I don't know, I thought they'd be different. No complaints, though." 

"Wait, you read them?" 

"Yeah, your island experiment series? Fucking wild, babe." Fatin starts to grin but it falters when she realizes Leah's crying. Before Fatin can react, Leah's engulfed her in a hug. "Leah?"

"Sorry, I just got it in my head, you wouldn't, you know, support me in this kind of way." 

Fatin can tell that Leah's brain is going a mile a minute. She knows she has to ride this out with her. She attempts to challenge it, "I'm sorry, like your biggest achievements? You didn't think I was going to at least try?"

"Fatin, I thought you hated me for ten years."

"Well, is there any way I can convince you that I don't hate you and won't do that again??" 

Leah doesn't seem to be listening. She's staring at her books, her expression hard and unreadable. 

Fatin takes Leah's face into her hands so that Leah would finally look at her. She chooses her words very carefully, "Leah, none of this in your head, okay?" Leah closes her eyes, tears spilling out. Fatin wipes them away with her thumbs. "Yes, I read them. I read them three times. Once for plot, once for comprehension, and once because I thought the hardback covers were different. But I poured over these books for months, for years, because it was my only other tether to you. It's like being unable to put down my favorite song. I wouldn't have bothered," Leah opens her eyes finally and Fatin confesses the thing she thought was obvious this whole time, "if I wasn't in love with you for all those years." 

***

She's wearing headphones at her keyboard when Leah comes looking for her. She doesn't hear her calling her name. She jumps when Leah places a hand on her shoulder. "Jesus! Leah!" Fatin throws her headphones off, catches her breath, and scans Leah's face, silently asking if she's feeling better. "I didn't think you'd wake up so soon." 

"Bed got cold without you." Leah mumbles, wiping her nose with her sleeve. "I'm sorry about earlier." 

"Don't be." Fatin says, patting the bench next to her. "Come on, take a load off. I have something to ask you." 

Leah sits next to her and lets Fatin's arm wrap around her waist, "Are we late for family dinner?" 

"We have time." Fatin says, "But, I was thinking we take a stop somewhere on the way. You up for it?" 

"Okay." Leah agrees while Fatin presses a kiss on her shoulder, "Now?" 

"Yeah, you ready?" 

Leah nods. She takes Fatin's hand and she doesn't let go until they arrive at an empty building. "What-what are we looking at?"

"Nothing yet. There's more inside. Come on." 

Leah looks at her like she's gone crazy, "Fatin, we can't just go in." 

"Pretty sure we can," Fatin tells her with an amused look on her face. She sticks the key in the door and holds the door open for Leah to walk in first. 

"What is this place?" 

"One day, very soon, it'll be my own recording studio." Fatin says looking around at the empty walls in need of paint. "Just needs to be spruced up a bit. Well, a lot." 

A smile breaks onto Leah's face, "Fatin, this is amazing!" 

"I know! I'm actually excited about this." Fatin explains with a glint in her eye, "I haven't really felt this inspired in a while, but this feels right, ya know? I'm hoping Rachel's album will be a success and I can just have people come here. And I wouldn't be too far away from you." Fatin takes Leah's hand, "I have one more surprise for you." 

"Another one?"

"Yeah, I'm full of them." 

"Hm, I think I said you're full of yourself." 

"We'll have to agree to disagree, babe." Fatin flashes her a bright smile, "Besides, this is the best part." 

They walk into a large room on the second floor. 

Leah nods slowly and then asks, "What is it?"

"Well, you can totally say no, but I was thinking this could be an office for me and Dot...and you, if you're interested." 

"Really?" 

Fatin shrugs, "Yeah, so you have somewhere else to work that isn't your bedroom. I know working above a bookshop is great for aesthetic, but maybe a change of scenery could help and it'd be here if you wanted it." 

Fatin walks to the middle of the longest wall. "I'm thinking of putting like a little coffee bar here. Maybe an espresso machine or a Keurig if this shit makes me broke as hell." 

Leah giggles and pulls Fatin in for a kiss. She pulls back and confesses, "I think I was in such a state shock earlier, I didn't get to say I love you." 

"Well, I'm waiting." Fatin says, barely holding together a straight face. 

"I love you," Leah murmurs, going in for another kiss. The kiss is short-lived when Leah's phone goes off in her pocket. "It's Shelby." She puts her on speaker, "Hey Shelbs, you're on speaker and Fatin's here too." 

"Oh, good. Toni? Honey, you don't need to call Fatin." There's some muffled murmuring and then, "Yeah, she's with Leah." Then it's followed by, "We shoulda guessed that, actually."

Fatin can hardly contain her laughter when she asks, "Were you guys sending out a search party?"

"Family dinner started and you guys hadn't called or texted. We were starting to get worried." In a much lower volume, Shelby reveals, "Actually it was Toni, but don't tell her I told you that."

"We lost track of time. We'll be there in 15, Shelbs." Leah says stifling a laugh. "Tell Toni she doesn't have to worry for much longer as discreet as you can manage." 

"Bye ladies, we'll see you in a bit."

Fatin buries her face into Leah's neck, "Just a few more moments. I didn't get to process that you told me you love me." 

"Fatin, I love you, but," Leah kisses the top of her head, "If we don't show up on time, they're gonna think we were having sex." 

"Well, we could let them be right and have sex and definitely not show up on time." Fatin wishes she were kidding, but professions of love are usually followed by sex. Unfortunately hers conflicts with family dinner. She pouts at the thought. 

"Fatin, let's go." Leah checks her phone and gasps, "Dot's bringing a friend."

"Wait what?" 

"See, look," Leah shows her phone, "Shelby just texted Dottie brought a gentleman." 

"Well, what are you waiting for, woman?" Fatin quickly changes her tune, "We gotta go now!" 

Leah laughs lightly as Fatin drags her through the building and out to the streets. Fatin locks up and stares up at her future, which would be a familiar concept, except this time it's less chaotic, less desperate, and far more exciting now that she's hand in hand with Leah.