Archive of Our Own ^beta

[If the world was ending - Jp Saxe]

I was distracted
And in traffic
I didn't feel it
When the earthquake happened

Louis had  actually been in his car, stuck in traffic coming back from the hospital where he was a nurse when the earthquake had happened.

Time seemed to stop.

Now, if Louis was honest, he didn't actually feel it.

He didn't, because he had been lost in his thoughts.

(Like he had been for the past year, if he was honest with himself.)

But he saw everyone around panicking and leaving their cars, starting to run around.

And that made Louis leave his own mind, looking around.

He got out of his car, assessing the situation quickly.

Some people were on the ground, crying ; some were bleeding ; some were plain panicking.

There were deep fractured on the ground, fucking everywhere.

It looked like chaos.

Like somehow they had been put inside an action movie of some kind.

It certainly didn't look like real life.

And it sprung him into action.

“Call emergencies!” he said to a woman looking she would throw up, she nodded and took her phone out as Louis hurried to make sure everyone around him was at least fine.

Half an hour later, he was parked in his car, looking around him while emergencies were doing their jobs and he had done doing his.

Now, Louis was puzzled.

Everyone was panicking, but strangely he was not.

He was genuinely calm.

Was it strange that he was so calm?

From what the paramedics had told him, it was happening everywhere around the world.

Deep earthquakes, a lot of deads already, a lot of wounded, a lot of casualties.

Countries all over the world were panicking.

And he couldn't quite shake the fear he had seen in the paramedic's eyes.

Louis frowned, tapping his wheel.

He knew he should go back to the hospital but he couldn’t.

Somehow he couldn't.

Because he could only think of one name.

Harry.

Harry Styles.

The love of his life.

The one that got away.

(The thought only broke his heart all over again.)

His phone rang and he jumped.

And then his heart stopped.

His sister.

"Hey, bro."

And her voice was shaking, Louis hated it.

Wished he could make it all better.

"Hi, sis."

He heard her sniffle.

"How are you?"

"We're gonna be alright." he said instead.

She chuckled sadly.

"Louis, there are bloody earthquakes everywhere. The Us, China, Europe. Fucking everywhere. They're saying it's the end."

A silence, Louis closed his eyes and took a deep shaky breath.

"I wish I was with you all."

"I wish that, too." her voice broke, "But there is something you can do for me."

"Anything."

“Call him, bro.”

Louis' heart broke all over again.

No.

He would have done anything.

But not that.

"Sis-"

"I know-"

“It’s been a year.”

“Lou-”

“He’s rejected my proposal.”  he finally said, tears pricking at the back of his eyes.

Shit, it hurts.

Still did.

A tense silence.

“You didn’t let him the chance to explain why, though.”

“Oh I know why. He was my forever and I was not his.” his voice broke and he hated how heartbroken he still sounded.

He hated the tear rolling down his cheek.

“Louis.” came his sister’s voice so softly, “The world is very probably ending. Don’t you want to see him one more time?”

His heart froze.

He did.

He really did.

But he couldn't admit that.

Not now.

Not ever.

"What are you all going to do?" he asked instead,

She laughed.

"A party, of course!" he chuckled lovingly and closed his eyes, wishing he was with his family right now. "If we're going down, let me tell you the Tomlinson's family is going down with Styles."

He could see the smug smile on her face.

"I see what you've done." he said, unimpressed. "It's not funny."

His sister laughed happily.

"Call him, Lou."

Louis groaned.

But he didn't answer.

"I love you all. Thank you for being the best family a guy could have asked for." his voice broke, he didn't want to say goodbye.

It seemed too final.

"We know Louis, we love you too. Call him, please. I hate to think of you alone."

But it really got me thinkin'
Were you out drinkin'?
Were you in the living room
Chillin' watchin' television”

Louis was still in his car, lost in thoughts.

His talk with his sister had not helped at all.

Quite on the contrary.

All he could think about was Harry.

His beloved Harry.

(Still his.)

(Forever his.)

Where was he?

Was he out with friends?

Was he with another man?

Louis’ heart absolutely broke at the thought.

It still hurt so much to picture Harry with someone else.

(He usually avoided to think about it.)

And now that he had started thinking about it, he couldn't stop.

Harry.

Harry Styles.

The love of his fucking life.

Louis and Harry had been together for seven amazing years.

They had met when Louis was 20, Harry barely 18.

One day, Louis had been about to die of boredom in his class when this clumsy curly lad had come in, had stumbled in front of everyone before sitting next to Louis, cheeks red. He had then frozen and Louis at Louis in panic, saying he was in the wrong classroom.

Louis had been in love at first sight.

The rest was history.

They had fallen in love, hard and fast.

Had never parted ways.

Well, until it happened.

Until Louis had been ready to commit forever, but Harry had not.

Louis shook his head, wiping another tear from his cheek.

Was Harry home?

Was he scared by the upcoming end of the world?

(And knowing Harry like he did, he surely was.)

And why did he still want to comfort him?

Harry had broken his heart.

He had refused to marry him.

He had told him he was not the love of his fucking life.

So why the fuck couldn't he stop thinking about him.

Louis could actually picture Harry, watching TV news with that worried furrows between his brows.

He buried his face in his hands.

It was all too much.

It's been a year now

 

They had been broken up for a year now.

Actually, it had been a year on Tuesday.

A fucking year.

A tear rolled down Louis’ cheek and he let it roll.

A year ago he had proposed to Harry, the night of their seventh anniversary and so persuaded the younger one would say yes.

But he had not.

He had not said yes.

Louis could still see it so clearly, breaking his heart all over again.

They had spent a wonderful evening together, laughing and flirting at the restaurant, making out in the car and now they were getting ready to take things in the bedroom, but Louis had told Harry he had one last surprise.

And then it happened so quickly.

There were candles in the bedroom, everywhere.

And when Harry's eyes fall back on Louis... He was on his knee, heart beating so fast and blue eyes shining with hope and happiness.

This was it.

This was the moment.

He could feel tears pricked at the back of his eyes as he opened the box.

“Harry,” he said, voice shaking only slightly. “You are the fucking love of my entire life. I knew the moment our eyes met that day in that stupid classroom that I would never be able to look away from you. And I have not. You are everything I have always dreamt of, my soulmate in every sense of the term. I want everything with you and I want it now. I love you so fucking much…” his voice broke and he cleared his throat. “So ... Harry Styles, love of my life, will you marry me?”

Harry’s eyes were wide and his heart was beating so fast in his chest he was about to pass out.

Oh my God.

Louis was-

But-

It was so much.

Right?

A lifetime?

A fucking lifetime?

But they were so young!

They were so fucking young!

He was only 25!

And Louis 27!

They couldn't get married!

And Louis was all Harry had ever known...

His first love.

His first time.

His first relationship.

His first fucking everything.

What if-

What if he wasn’t his soulmate?

What if someone else was waiting for him?

(Shit, Harry was freaking out.)

So Harry took a step back, shaking his head.

“No.” he murmured, and Louis frowned.

“What do you mean?” and he looked confused.

“I mean no – God, no!” he said again and this time Louis’ eyes widened and he paled.

“Harry-” his voice was shaking, blue eyes shining with tears.

“No.” said again Harry, taking a step back and Louis got up but he looked absolutely floored.

“I-” he tried.

“No. No. No.”

Each no was a stab to Louis’ heart.

Oh my God.

Had he been so wrong about everything?

His blood was freezing as Harry kept muttering “no”.

“What if-” tried Harry, eyes wide and frantic. “What if you’re not it for me? What if there is someone else!”

Louis’ heart absolutely stopped and he braced himself tightly.

“What?” his voice broke and he felt the tear escaping it when he blinked. “There’s someone else?”

What?

But-

What?

“Not now!” almost shouted Harry and he looked about to pass out. “But what if?! What if the love of my life is out there and I'm missing my shot with him by being with you?!"

A small sob escaped Louis’ lips.

“I don’t understand, H.” he murmured and then he couldn’t look at Harry anymore and he looked down.

He had thought...

Had really thought...

Harry was the love of his life.

And he had thought...

“I- No.” said again Harry and then he ran out and Louis only heard the door slam shut before his knees buckled and he crashed on the floor, crying his heart out.

Louis' entire world had crumbled down around him in that very moment.

Because Louis had not thought for one second Harry could ever say no.

He had thought they were it for each other.

He had never thought he could not be it for Harry.

Maybe that had been his mistake.

Think I've figured out how
How to let you go and let communication die out

It had been horrible at first.

He had fled to Liam's to try and nurse his broken heart.

And had wanted for Harry to call, or text, or anything that could prove he had not meant that.

Had not meant to tell Louis he wasn't the love of his life.

But Harry never did.

And Louis' heart had broken further.

All Louis wanted to do was call, and text, and beg Harry to take him back.

He wanted to beg for them to be together again, no matter if Harry clearly didn't love him as much as Louis loved him.

They could work something out.

He wanted to beg Harry to stay with him until he found the love of his life, that was so clearly not Louis.

And Louis spent weeks on Liam's spare bedroom, unable to sleep, unable to smile, unable to do anything but think about the fact that the love of his life didn't love him back.

Was it even possible?

But Harry had not reached out.

At all.

So, 4 weeks after that fateful night.

Louis reached a conclusion.

He had to let his Harry go.

He had to let him go and be happy with someone else.

(That was what Harry deserved. True love. It just so happened Louis had believed it was what they had in the first place.)

"Tommo?" asked Liam and Louis was in front of the ring he had bought months ago, looking at it with tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I have to let him go." he murmured.

Liam froze and sat by his sides, squeezing his shoulders.

"Have you talked to him?"

Louis sniffled, shaking his head.

"He- I-" he shook his head again and wiped his cheeks with the back of his hands. "I'm not his future." his voice broke.

It was so panifully clear.

Harry was Louis' future, the only love of his life.

But it was not mutual.

He had to let him go.

"Louis-"

"He told me so. He-" a sob escaped him. "I'm not- I'm not-" he couldn't say it.

Liam didn't ask him to.

Louis came back to the present when someone knocked on his window, he let his window down.

"Are you okay, Sir?" asked the police officier.

Louis smiled sadly.

"I'm fine, thanks."

"You shouldn't stay here, son. Don't you have somewhere to go?"

Louis' heart broke.

He didn't.

Not since a year ago.

"Is it really this bad? What's happening?" he asked and the police officer sighed deeply and looked at him a few seconds like he was weighing his options.

"It is." he finally said. "I'm sorry. You should really be with the people you love right about now."

The police officer tipped his head and smiled sadly before leaving.

And Louis didn't know what to do anymore.

It was really the end.

And he would never have seen his Harry again...

I know, you know, we know
You weren't down for forever and it's fine

Okay, so Louis wasn’t Harry’s happy ending.

(Fuck, that still hurt.)

But Harry would always be the love of his entire life.

The only one for him.

He couldn’t just die and never see him again.

He couldn’t.

So Louis took a deep breath and started his car again…

He knew where to go.

One last time.

I know, you know, we know
We weren't meant for each other and it's fine

They were not meant for each other, but it was fine.

(No, it was really not.)

It was Harry, though.

Louis had loved him since their eyes had met in a classroom of University, emerald eyes wide with panic and cheeks red from embarassment as he rambled to a stranger about being in the wrong classroom but being unable to move because he was afraid to fall again in front of everyone.

And he would love him till the day he’d die.

Even if that day came sooner than expected.

Louis kept driving, hoping against hope he didn't change adress.

But if the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

He called his sister again,

Partly to tell her,

Partly for courage.

“I’m going to see Harry.” he only said heard his sister whooped happily.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“I’m so proud of you, Louis.”

Louis chuckled sadly, his family had been begging him to at least talk to Harry for a year.

Louis suspected them to still talk.

But he didn't say anything about it.

(He secretely loved it.)

(It was his last link to Harry.)

(Harry didn't love him enough to marry him, but he still loved his family enough to call.)

“It might be too late.” he reasoned.

“Babe, now is too late for too late.”

He chuckled.

“I love you. Thank you, for being the best sister a guy could have asked for.”

He heard the small sob.

“I love you too. So much. Thank you for being the best brother in the whole world. To all of us.”

A tear rolled down his cheek.

He couldn’t.

“I’ll talk to you soon?” he asked, voice breaking.

“One way or another, bro.”

Louis swallowed.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He closed the call and took a deep breath.

He knew his family had wanted him to patch things up with Harry...

But the curly one had broken his heart a bit too deeply.

Now it was different, none of it mattered anymore.

The world was fucking ending.

And Louis wanted to be with Harry when it did.

You'd come over and you'd stay the night

Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant

Louis was at a stop sign when it occurred to him that Harry could very well be with someone else.

Could very well want to spend his last hours with someone else.

Someone that wasn't Louis.

Someone he would love enough to actually marry.

(Ouch.)

His heart squeezed at the thought only.

He stayed at that stop sign way too long.

And then started his car again.

He had to try.

What had he left to fucking lose, anyway?

If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

 

Yes, Louis terrified.

Petrified, even.

He was terrified of seeing Harry with someone else.

More afraid of that than he was by the world actually ending.

(He didn't want to think about what that said about him.)

The sky'd be falling and I'd hold you tight

And there wouldn't be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye

The world was actually ending and all Louis could think about was hold Harry in his arms again.

(Forever, however long that might be.)

If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?
Right?

Louis finally arrived in front of the house he knew all too well.

And then his heart stopped when he saw Harry's car.

Harry was there.

He still lived there.

He was closer than they had been in a year.

His Harry.

His Harry was there.

Tears pricked at the back of his eyes and he felt his hands trembling.

Could he really do that?

If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

Right?

And then his decision was taken.

Louis took a deep breath...

And opened the door of his car.

I tried to imagine
Your reaction
It didn't scare me when the earthquake happened

Harry had been home when the earthquake had happened.

And strangely…

Strangely he had not even been scared.

And you thought he would have been, right?

Nope.

Instead, Harry couldn’t help but thinking about Louis.

His Louis.

(Always his Louis.)

Louis Tomlinson.

The love of his fucking life.

The one he had let got away.

Where was he?

What was he doing?

(With whom?)

Harry shook his head, refusing to think about that.

He didn't want to even think about the possibility of that.

Back to what Louis was doing.

Harry smiled fondly, shaking his head.

Probably going around helping whoever he could help, because he was like that.

Harry cuddled his pillow closer to his chest, frowning from where he was in front of the news.

Where was his Louis?

His phone rang and he smiled, picking up.

"Hey, mum."

His mum sniffled.

"How are you, honey?"

Harry chuckled sadly.

"I'll be alright, mum." Another sniffle, "How are you?"

"Just wanted to hear your voice."

A tear rolled down Harry's cheek.

It couldn't be the end.

It just couldn't.

"I love you, mum."

"I love you too, honey."

Another silence.

"You've been the best son-"

"Don't, please." his voice broke. "I can't say goodbye." he admitted, "I just can't. Please."

A small sob.

"Okay, sweetheart. No goodbyes."

He smiled sadly.

"You're the best mum, though. You know that, right?"

His mother chuckled.

"I know." and then she took a deep breath, "And as the best mum, I have something to tell you."

"Go."

"Call Louis. Please."

Harry's heart absolutely stop and now tears pricked at the back of his eyes.

"I ruined everything, mum. I don't deserve-"

"Bullshit."

Harry's eyes widened, his mum very rarely cursed.

"Mum-"

"That boy loves you."

A tear rolled down Harry's cheek.

"Mum, he proposed and I said no. I told him he was not the love of my life. I was awful to him and I certainly do not deserve his love anymore."

A silence.

"You panicked, sweetheart."

"I did. And I hurt him. I fucking hurt him."

Another silence.

"Is he, though, the love of your life?"

Harry chuckled sadly, wiping his eyes.

"You know he is. He has been since our eyes locked in that fucking classroom and he listened to my panic attack, blue eyes so fond and smile so soft. Nothing has changed since then. Even if I'm a bloody idiot."

"Call him."

Harry closed his eyes.

But it really got me thinkin'
That night we went drinkin'
Stumbled in the house
And didn't make it past the kitchen

The world was going down.

And strangely, all Harry could think about was their first anniversary together.

How they had drunk so much they had stumbled inside this very house, giggling in each other mouths as if nothing could ever touch us as long as they were together.

(How wrong had they been.)

They were both breathless and flushed.

Harry was against the wall, Louis' body warm and pliant against him.

They kissed and kissed and kissed, tongues sliding and hands groping.

"Fuck, I love you." moaned Louis, kissing a line from his jaw to his shoulder.

"One year, baby." moaned Harry, tilting his head. "I love you too. So fucking much." he pushed Louis away from him and switched their places so he was the one stuck against the wall as he attacked his mouth again, Louis moaned loudly as his boyfriend rolled his hips against his and Harry smirked. "I'm gonna love you forever."

It was out before he could stop it.

He receded and their eyes locked, blue eyes onto green.

"You mean that?" Louis asked, breathless.

Harry nodded, biting his bottom lip and blushing slightly.

Well, too late to back down.

"I do. I really do."

Louis smiled, that smile crinkling his eyes.

"Fuck, I'm gonna love you forever, too."

Harry wanted to cry so instead he chaneled all that love in their kiss.

Louis.

The love of his life.

Forever.

They didn't even make it to the bedroom, on that night.

Ah, it's been a year now

A year.

It had been a year on Tuesday.

And what a complicated anniversary.

Harry had gone out with Niall to try and forget.

It didn’t work.

(He had thought about it for a year. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Every second.)

A year since Harry had lost Louis and he couldn’t think of anything else.

A year.

A year since Louis had proposed, one knee on the ground with blue eyes hopeful and shining, that signature smile making his eyes crinkle just so and just like every bloody dream Harry had ever had ever since their eyes met in that classroom he wasn’t even supposed to be in in the first place.

A year.

A year since Harry had panicked somehow in front of how huge a life together suddenly meant.

A year.

A year since Harry had said no, taking a step back and shaking his head like it was the worst idea in the ideas of history.

A year.

A year since Harry had broken Louis’ heart and hopes like it meant nothing to him.

(It meant fucking everything.)

And then time for Harry to gather his thought, to realize what a mistake he had made…

It was too late.

Louis left.

And the worst of it?

Harry had not even been able to blame him for that.

Harry almost ran home, hoping against hope it wasn’t too late.

Hoping against hope he could still make it right.

He had been gone all night, and now was freaking out.

When he came in, Louis was waiting on the couch, so pale and blue eyes looking dull – where was the light?, and with two overnight bags at his feet.

Harry froze and Louis looked up,

Their eyes locked.

“I’m sorry.” murmured Harry and Louis tried a shrug but a tear escaped his eyes and his fist tightened.

“You should have told me before.” and his voice was so low, Harry hated it.

“Lou-”

“You should have told me you wanted to see other people.” his voice broke and it looked painful to say."You should have told me I was not..." he swallowed dryly, wincing. "it. For you."

“I don’t-”

But it was too late.

Louis got up and took his bags.

“I-” he tried and sniffled. “I was so wrong. About everything.” he shook his head, closing his eyes tightly. “Fuck, I’m so stupid.”

And now Harry’s heart was bleeding, tears running on his cheeks and he walked to Louis but this one took a step back, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry-” tried Harry.

“Don’t be.”

“Louis-”

“You don’t need to explain.”

No, the truth was that Louis didn’t want him to explain.

He didn’t want to know.

It hurt too fucking much.

"Lou, please-"

"I'm not the love of your life, I get that now." a tear rolled down Louis' cheek and Harry was frozen. "I thought..." he shook his head, breath short. "I get that you think the love of your life is still waiting for you-" his voice broke and he looked so heartbroken. "I get it's not me."

He braced himself.

"I-" tried Harry. "Louis, I-"

"I will stay at Liam's from now on." he sniffled.

"What? But- Can we talk about it?"

Louis shook his head, swallowing.

"Harry, I can't-" his voice broke again. "I can't stay in this relationship knowing you're only with me waiting for the actual love of your life to come swoop you in." he whimpered and paled.

"No- That's not-"

"I-" and now he was trying not to sob. "I mean- You're- You're the love of my life and- Oh God-"

"Louis-"

But Louis wasn't even listening anymore.

He shook his head, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Harry couldn't think.

Couldn't talk.

Louis' words were running in his head.

Oh God.

"Louis, please-" Harry's voice broke.

But Louis shook his head and he finally looked up and their eyes locked.

"Goodbye, Haz." his voice broke and then he was gone.

And Harry was left alone, unable to breath.

Think I've figured out how
How to think about you without it rippin' my heart out

And Harry was doing better.

He was.

(No, he so wasn't.)

But he had to let Louis go, no matter how heartbroken that had let him.

So he had not reached out in the weeks after Louis had left.

He had chosen to let the love of his fucking life go and be happy with someone who deserved him.

Because that was the problem.

Harry didn't feel like he deserved Louis anymore.

He had broken his heart.

He had not been able to not panic.

He didn't fucking deserve him.

Period.

I know, you know, we know
You weren't down for forever and it's fine

Harry had been angry for a while that Louis had refused to listen to him.

But then he had put himself in his shoes...

If he had proposed to Louis and he had said no the way Harry had done, telling him he was not the love of his life?

Harry would have died.

And the truth was,

He still didn't know why he had acted that way.

Marrying Louis was all he had ever wanted.

And he had got cold feet at the worst of time.

He had never thought he would be the one to blow everything up.

Not when he had been the one to fall in love first, the one to ask to move in together, the one to tell him he'd love him forever.

And at the end, he had been the one ruining everything.

(It still didn't make any sense.)

I know, you know, we know
We weren't meant for each other and it's fine

The truth was…

Louis would always be the great love of Harry’s life, even if it was no longer mutual.

Nothing would or could ever change that.

So…

If the world was ending…

Shouldn’t Louis know that?

But if the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

The world was ending.

Harry wanted to go see Louis.

But he couldn't.

Not because he didn't want to, but because he fucking couldn't.

He didn't even know where his Louis was.

(Probably with someone else.)

And Harry would probably die alone, Louis' name on his lips.

You'd come over and you'd stay the night

Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant

Someone rang his bell, Harry frowned.

He wanted to see absolutely no one and he wanted no part in the panic outside.

He wanted to keep thinking about his Louis.

To keep dreaming about the life they could have had, if he had not ruined everything.

Harry sniffled and went to his room, picked Louis' old sweatshirt - the one he had never given back even when Liam had come to collect Louis' things months ago, and put it on.

It didn't smell like Louis anymore.

But it was still comforting.

The person rang again.

Harry frowned.

And then...

"Harry?"

Harry absolutely froze.

This voice.

This voice.

This bloody voice.

"Louis?" he whispered to no one, hands clutching his sweatshirt.

He couldn't believe it.

"Harry, are you there?" came Louis' voice, so shaky.

Harry almost ran to the door.

If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

The sky'd be falling while I'd hold you tight

Harry opened the door and then his heart stopped in his chest.

Louis.

Louis was there.

And he had not changed.

Not one bit.

Still that signature fringe covering baby blue eyes shining with tears.

Still handsome.

(But he looked so sad.)

God, Harry loved him so fucking much.

They stayed like that, eyes locked on each other while everyone on the street was screaming and running away.

But they stood still.

They didn’t move, afraid the other was only just a dream.

Harry broke first.

A sob escaped him and he walked the step separating them, crashing his body against Louis’ and hugging him so tightly against him.

Louis hold tightly back.

They were both crying.

No, there wouldn't be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye

They were sat on the ground in the living room, facing each other; so close they knees were touching.

They didn't even talk.

They didn't need to.

Louis was addicted to the feeling, his hand reaching for Harry and the younger one let him took it, tears shining in his emerald eyes.

Harry wanted to climb on Louis’ lap and hold him so fucking close until no one could say where on started and the other ended.

But he couldn’t.

So he settled for holding hand, for now.

“Are you afraid, love?” asked Louis so softly, blue eyes searching green and laying a reverent kiss on Harry’s knuckles.

Harry could have purred.

His voice.

His touch.

His Louis.

“Not anymore.” answered Harry in a murmur.

Louis’ heart warmed.

If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

The truth was...

They didn't know how long they had together.

Outside, they could hear people screaming.

But they didn't care.

They were together again.

And then Harry broke down.

Out of fucking nowhere.

"I've missed you." his voice broke and he saw tears shining in Louis' eyes as he squeezed his hand.

"I've missed you too. So fucking much." and then he took a deep shaky breath. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." Harry squeezed his hand.

"Have you found someone else?" he murmured like it hurt to ask.

What if Harry had found the actual love of his life?

Louis would die.

He would die.

But Harry frowned and shook his head like he had said something stupid.

"No. Never." and then, "You?"

Louis chuckled very sadly.

"No. You are it for me, Harry. It was the truth a year ago and it's still the case."

A sob escaped Harry, and then he just couldn't stop crying.

"I'm sorry." murmured Harry and Louis squeezed his hand.

"Don't apologize, please."

"I just can't believe you're really here."

A tear rolled down Louis' cheek.

"I couldn't die without seeing you again."

Harry whimpered.

"I couldn't, either."

Then something exploded outside and they both jumped, Harry yelped and their eyes found the window as more people screamed.

Louis only smiled sadly at Harry, and then he pulled at his hand and pulled Harry on his lap.

Harry let out a soft moan and hurried to find its place on Louis' lap, his arms wrapping around his neck as Louis' hands found their place on his hips.

It was like coming home.

Finally.

"Harry." murmured Louis and the younger one's eyes left the window to find Louis' blue blue eyes.

They were so close suddenly.

So fucking close.

You'd come over, right?

You'd come over, you'd come over, you'd come over, right?

The tension was intoxicating.

They couldn't look away, green eyes into blue, their noses almost touching with how close they were and Louis could feel Harry's breath against his own lips.

"Lou..." he murmured and that shook something inside the older man.

He smiled softly and leant in, nuzzling his nose tenderly.

Harry let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms tighter against Louis' neck.

He could feel his heart beating so fast against his.

"Haz..." he said in return, still nuzzling his nose.

And fuck,

Fuck this was perfect.

And then, Louis couldn't take it anymore.

He leant in and laid a tender kiss on his love's lips.

And everyhting exploded.

Outside.

Inside.

Finally.

Harry gasped and Louis deepened the kiss.

Nothing else mattered.

They kissed deeply, they kissed with a purpose...

They kissed like lovers did.

I know, you know, we know
You weren't down for forever and it's fine

They receded, breath short and eyes still closed.

This kiss had been everything they had dreamt of and even more.

“I have blamed myself every day for the last year.” Harry’s voice broke as he finally admitted, eyes still closed and feeling so raw.  “I hate myself for not having said yes when it mattered, when I wanted it the most.”

Louis’ heart broke open in his chest, all the hurt and pain he had kept locked inside escaping as tears rolled down his cheeks.

Shit, he had not cried in fucking months and today he couldn’t seem to stop.

He opened his eyes and waited for Harry to do the same.

“I regret so much that I didn’t let you talk, that day I left.” he whimpered and Harry hold him closer.

“It’s not too late, yet.” Harry tried to joke and Louis sniffled sadly, before pecking his lips again, and again.

(He couldn't stop now that he had started.)

“Okay.” he whispered. “Okay. We can have that big fucking talk now, if you’re ready.”

Harry wiped his eyes,

“I’ve been ready for a year, babe.” Louis blushed at the pet name and Harry couldn’t help it, he stole another kiss. “All feelings out. No holding back, right?”

“Right.” Louis cupped his cheek tenderly, “What do we risk now by being vulnerable, right?”

Harry leant into his hand.

“Nothing.”

I know, you know, we know
We weren't meant for each other and it's fine

They had not moved from where they were, sat on the ground and Harry on Louis' lap.

They couldn't move.

Needed to be close.

Needed to make sure this wasn't a dream.

"Can you start?" asked shyly Harry and Louis froze.

He tried to take a breath.

He didn't know if he was ready to talk about it...

But then, one look at ( his) Harry and he knew.

"That night-" his voice broke and his jaw clenched. "I wasn't expecting it." he frowned and Harry frowned too. "I had imagined a million things, but I never thought you could say no." his voice broke and Harry looked heartbroken. "I never thought I could not be the love of your life." his voice broke again and Louis sniffled, cheeks red. "How stupid was I, right?"

"Lou-"

"No. Please." Harry nodded but there were tears rolling down his cheeks. Louis took a deep shaky breath. "I had planned this proposal for months, and..." he shook his head. "And I thought you would be as happy as I was. I thought... I just thought-" he tried but it was too hard. Harry leant in and kissed his tears away.

"It's alright. I'm here."

That gave Louis some courage back.

"I thought you would say yes. I had absolutely no fucking doubt about your fucking love for me." he whimpered slightly and Harry's eyes were wide and hurt. "And then suddenly... Suddenly you were saying no and telling me I wasn't the love of your fucking life, that I was actually preventing you from meeting him and-"

"I'm so sorry." Harry couldn't help himself.

"I-" Louis looked down for a few seconds before looking up, "Suddenly I realized you were not as committed to me as I had thought you were. Not as in love with me as I thought you were, as I was with you." his voice broke again. "It broke my heart like nothing ever had before, I'm still trying to piece the pieces back together today, H." he admitted weakly.

But if the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

Harry swallowed.

And tried to speak.

But it was too much.

So he shook his head, dejected as he closed his eyes for a few seconds.

But he had to do it.

He had to tell the truth.

The whole truth.

"I panicked, Louis." he said, opening his eyes and finding Louis' blue apprehensive. "I had been waiting for you to propose for years-"

"What?"

"And once you did, once everything I had ever wanted was right in front of me... I bloody panicked. I panicked. I panicked." he said again and he could breath less and less. "I panicked." he said again and he was losing control.

Until Louis cupped his cheeks, grounding him.

"It's okay, H. I'm here. You can talk to me."

And just like that, Harry could breath again.

He nodded, leaning his forehead on Louis'.

"I wanted it so fucking much that suddenly it was too much and I panicked."

"Harry-"

"No. I know. I doesn't excuse anything."

Louis frowned.

"That was not what I was about to say." and then, "Harry, you don't have to apologize, you know that, right?"

"I broke your heart." scofffed Harry.

"Yeah, yeah you did. Pretty badly." Louis smiled sadly and it didn't help at all. "But I was never mad at you for that." their eyes locked, "What you said, it broke my heart because I loved you so much, but  you had every right to want to find true love-"

"But there was only ever you!" he exclaimed and Louis paled.

"H, I remember quite clearly-"

"I know. I don't know why I said that."

"Maybe-"

"No!" and now Harry was desperate. "There was never someone else. And I don't want someone else. Ever. I never wanted it then and I sure as hell don't want it now! Which I know doesn't make any sense considering my reaction but it's the bloody truth!"

And then he started crying.

Fucking great, Harry.

He hated himself.

Which made him cry harder.

(FUCK.)

Louis didn't answer right away, but he did hold him tighter.

Harry nuzzled Louis' neck, feeling the older one shiver slightly.

"I regretted what I said the moment I said it. And then once I was outside our place, I don't know I think fresh air helped and I realized what the fuck I had just done." Louis tensed, "I came back because I wanted to tell you I didn't mean it, beg you to propose again so I could say the yes I dreamt of saying."

"But I left."

"But you left."

Louis looked down,

"H-"

"Don't you dare apologize."

A silence.

"You never called." Louis' voice broke. "I waited weeks for you to call me and tell me you had made a mistake. I would have taken you back. I swear I would have taken you back." a sob escaped him.

"I didn't feel I deserved you." Harry's voice was so low and so hurt. "I felt like I had hurt you so much, you deserved more than me."

"Fuck, Harry-"

"But I never stopped loving you." he receded, so that Louis could see the truth in his eyes. "Never once, Louis."

Louis let out a small sob and tilted his head, looking so beautiful.

"I never stopped loving you, either." he murmured like he couldn't quite believe he got to say these words again.

(Or hear them.)

"Oh thank God." only said Harry, leaning in for another kiss. 

You'd come over and you'd stay the night
Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant

"Do you sometimes think about the life we could have had by now if we had got married?"

Harry froze.

"All the time."

Louis smiled sadly.

"Me too." and then he kissed Harry's curls, from where the younger one was snuggled against his chest. "I'm sorry we won't get the time, my love."

My love.

Harry couldn't believe it.

Couldn't believe he got to hear that again.

To feel Louis again.

It made everything they were going through worth it.

Harry nuzzled into Louis’ neck, at peace for the first time in forever as he buried himself in the warmth and the scent of the man he loved.

“I don’t even care that the world is ending.” he murmured, “Not when your back in my arms where you belong, even if it is only for a few hours.”

Louis hold him tighter.

"I feel the same."

Harry receded from Louis' neck and their eyes locked.

"Kiss me, please." he murmured, "If we're going to die, I want your skin to be the only thing on my mind when we do."

Louis smiled, that smile that crinkled his eyes.

Harry loved that smile.

And then he leant in for a deep kiss, one hand getting lost on Harry's curls, tilted his head just so and it made the younger one groaned, arousal sparking in his body.

If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

 

Harry's hand started sliding along Louis' chest, finding the hem of his chest and tugging at it.

It didn't take long for the piece of cloth to be off and his lips chased the skin there, making Louis groan slightly.

And fuck, Harry wanted him.

He rolled his hips and they both moaned at the feelings.

"Fuck, H-"

"I know."

Their lips found each other's again.

And then the TV made a big noise, making them both jump and Harry almost hit Louis in the process.

They both frowned and turned around.

The cable had started working again, the US official logo appearing and then the President.

Louis' eyes widened.

"What the fuck?" he whispered and both of their hearts were beating way too fast in their chest.

"Dear Americans," and the President smiled but he looked exhausted. "I come bearing good news."

Harry started breathing faster.

"Oh my God..."

"The geological threat is under control." he said again, taking a deep breath and nodded. "I am so happy and relieved to tell all of you that the worst is behind the world." Louis' grip on Harry tightened. "We'll be alright. All of us." he smiled, relieved. "The world is safe. God bless America."

Harry and Louis didn't hear more.

They couldn't believe it.

Their eyes found each other again.

The sky'd be falling while I hold you tight
No, there wouldn't be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye

Shock.

They went from a certain death to being able to live another day.

Outside, they could hear people screaming, but now in glee.

People celebrating the fact that the world was saved.

But not Harry and Louis.

They were in their own world, lost in each other's eyes.

And then the damn broke.

And they started laughing.

They laughed so much tears were shining in their eyes.

And then Harry cupped Louis' cheeks and kissed him, again and again.

And again.

"I love you." he murmured against his lips and Louis' face lit up like a fucking Christmas tree.

"I love you too." he sniffled. "Fuck Harry, I love you too."

They were both trembling in each other's eyes.

"We'll be alright." Harry's voice broke.

"We've got time, baby."

Harry hugged him so tightly against him.

They had time.

They were together.

Nothing else mattered.

If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?
You'd come over, you'd come over, you'd come over, right?

If the world was ending
You'd come over, right?

• A year later

Of course it had not been easy.

There had been a lot of talks, a lot of tears, a lot of kisses, a lot of sex, a lot of anger and a lot of angst.

But they had made it.

They had worked on their relationship.

And they had made it.

And when 7 months into their relationship Louis had put a knee on the ground, blue eyes happy but a bit afraid...

Harry had not even let him end his sentence.

He had agreed before the words were out, making Louis chuckle fondly.

The blue-eyed man had asked his boyfriend to at least let him finish asking and Harry had agreed, but kept saying yes before he could finish being proposed to.

It was messy,

It was perfect.

It was them.

And here they were, 5 months after that proposal.

A year after the worst event the world had ever known,

The almost exctinction they had all to go through.

But now Harry and Louis were facing each other in front of friends and family, about to say their vows.

Their eyes were shining with tears,

Happy tears.

"My Harry," started Louis and the younger one was already crying, making his fiancé and everyone smile fondly. Louis reached out and cupped his cheek, stroking his dimple tenderly. "My Harry. I have actually no words to tell you how much I love you." blue eyes were shining with love, endless devotion and it made Harry's knees trembled. "Losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me, worst that the fucking world ending." Harry chuckled sadly, "Everything was falling apart and all I could think about was you, my love." he took a step closer, "I've always known it, H, but now I can say with absolute certainty that you are the most important thing in my life. Nothing else comes remotely close." A tear escaped Harry's eyes. "And I will spend the rest of my life loving you, and cherishing you and making you so mad at me all of the times for the most trivial of things." everyone chuckled, Harry louder. "I love you, curly. Now and forever. No matter what awaits us."

Harry sniffled and smiled lovingly, turning the head to kiss Louis' hand before taking it in his and laying their hands on his beating heart.

"My Louis." he said and Louis smiled, blue eyes already shining with tears, too. "A year ago, when everything fell apart, you were the only thing I could care about. One thought only in my head... If the world was ending, you'd come to me, right?" Louis let out a small chuckle sob and Harry couldn't help it, he leant in and pecked his lips, leaving their foreheads close. "Baby, you did. You came back to me and suddenly my life was worth something again. It was worth something and I didn't bloody care the world was ending anymore, not when it was turning again for me, since you were back in my arms. I love you Louis. More than anything in this bloody life. You are the love of my life, always" glassy blue eyes locked onto green. "You are everything. And I am so lucky I got my entire life to show you how much I do love you, even when you're making me mad." they both chuckled.

And then they were declared husbands.

And nothing else mattered.

Louis surged in and kissed his husband, Harry kissing back all too happily.

"I love you." murmured the curly one between kisses, "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." chuckled Louis, "Husband."

Harry smiled and leant in, stealing another deep kiss.

Everyone cheered, so happy around them.

But they didn't care about the world.

They had not when it had almost ended, they didn't now.

All they cared about was each other.

It had always been this way.

And it would always be.