Chapter Text
“Raven, all I’m asking for is the chance to spend more time with your kids. I thought you would be happy about that. They can stay home this weekend instead of going to their other mom’s. We can go to the zoo and a movie or something.” Raven sat across from her date and took a long drink of her coffee before sighing. This was only their fourth date and Wick was already trying to fit himself into her family. It made her skin crawl.
“I’m not taking Abby’s weekend with them Wick. That’s not fair to her or the kids.”
“What about just having her get them Saturday instead of Friday then?” He raised an eyebrow in her direction, clearly not understanding her stance.
“Drop it Wick. It’s not happening.” She was quickly losing her patience today.
“If we’re going to work out then I don’t see why me being a father figure isn’t a great idea. Why are you not-”
“You have got to be kidding me. I’m done. I can’t do this.” Standing up quickly, Raven grabbed her purse without giving him another look. Before she could reach the doors, a surprising figure stepped in front of her.
“Raven, you’re not usually on this side of town.” Abby stood in front of her, looking amazing in her designer clothes and perfectly curled hair. She must have the day off work, Raven thought before giving her a small smile as the other woman’s name fell from her lips.
“Babe, wait. Sorry, excuse us a second.” Wick had apparently paid their tab and caught up to her faster then Raven had expected him to. Running into her ex wife had delayed her by precious seconds. He was quick to pull her to the side by her elbow and Abby was even quicker to glare at his possessive hand on Raven’s arm.
“Look, can we just talk about this? I didn’t mean to just blurt that out. Come on babe.” The man looked at her with pleading eyes.
“Not now, and certainly not here. I have things to do before the kids get off from school. I’ll call you later Kyle.” Raven took a deep breath and hoped he wouldn’t press the issue. Breaking up with him in the middle of a cafe, in front of Abby, was not on the top of her to do list today.
Abby watched from her position a few feet away as the man dropped a kiss to her ex wife’s forehead, before nodding and leaving the cafe. She shouldn’t feel the tension that settled in her chest anymore, and she most definitely shouldn’t be feeling the burning behind her eyes at the sight. Luckily, she managed to collect herself before the younger woman turned to look at her once again.
“Sorry, about him. He’s, well, he’s an idiot. Anyways - I uh, I need to get going. Errands and things before I get the kids from school.” Still fairly in tune with the other woman’s body language, Abby thought she looked more relaxed than moments before with her date present.
“Right, I understand. Will you be at Blake’s soccer game on Saturday? It starts at five, he says you promised to make it this weekend.” Their six year old had just started on his first sports team and even his little brother was excited.
“Of course I’ll be there. It’s his first game. That’s all the kid has gone on about this week. Missing that would be treason Abs.” The familiar nickname and smirk seemed to roll off her tongue without a thought. They were quick to say their goodbyes and Abby found herself leaving the cafe with her order a few minutes later, the question she really wanted to ask Raven went unasked and unanswered. She managed to hold her tears back until she was safely in her car.
****
“You said you would be home for dinner.” Abby jumped when her wife’s voice sounded from the dark living room. Slipping her shoes off into the hall closet first, she turned the entryway light on before looking towards the couch.
The sight of their youngest child curled against Raven’s chest made her smile. Blake had stopped nursing by a year and a half. Zeke was now two though, and didn’t look like he was giving up his nighttime routine without a fight. She stepped forward to run fingers through the boy’s dark wavy hair before she caught the other woman’s glare.
“It won’t be like this forever Raven. You know I’m just putting in extra hours to make up for Jackson being transferred. As soon as we get someone else hired I can start cutting my hours back again.” With a silent nod, Raven stood to put Zeke back into his room while Abby got ready for bed.
After a shower and one last check on her sleeping babies, Abby slid into bed, intending to hold her wife close. The moment her hand curled around the younger woman’s hip though, she felt Raven roll over and out of her reach.
“Raven, honey, look at me please. Do you want to talk about this?” Raven had never refused her affections before and the slight hurt more than she wanted to admit.
“It’s late and I’m tired Abby. Maybe you should come home earlier next time.” She was tired and feeling guilty about her late night, so Abby just nodded into the dark and rolled over, silent tears in her eyes. They could address the issue in the morning.
Her work schedule didn’t allow her to be home any earlier over the next few days. When her off days finally came around, it was spent doting on their toddlers who had missed their Mommy all week long.
By the end of the month, Raven was sleeping in the guest room nearly every night.
***
“She has a boyfriend now.” Abby walked through the front doors and went straight for Jackson’s office.
“Good morning to you, too, Abby. Raven did mention bumping into you yesterday.” Jackson figured this had been coming, he had just hoped not be stuck in the middle. “If it helps any, they’ve only been seeing each other a few weeks.”
“So you knew?” Her voice cracked. “And you didn’t tell me?”
“Abby, I told you when you guys split up and I’ll tell you again; I am not going to choose between my friends, and I am not going to be an informant on the other’s lives. It’s none of my business who Raven is dating.” He knew before he even looked up that there would be tears swimming in her eyes. The fact that he had to say what he knew would cause them to spill over was painful. He took off his glasses and closed his office door before moving to stand next to Abby.
“It’s been two years Abby. She has a right to move on. As far as I know this is the first, second at most, person she’s tried dating since the divorce. If it’s bothering you, I think you need to talk to her about it. I also think it may be a good idea for you to go back into therapy. I can see how hard this is for you Abby." The tears he expected slowly slipped from his friend’s reddened eyes.
Talking to Raven was easier said than done for the pair. Being divorced for two years had eased the ache of painful memories to get through everyday discussions, but Abby seeing the woman she still loved with someone else, it wasn't going to be easy. It wasn't going to get much better if the past was anything to go by either. Talking it out would be best, but she and Jackson both knew her ex wife was more likely to ignore old pains that had never been resolved than to try and fix them after so long.
As soon as she was calm enough, Abby quickly made her way to her office. When the door was firmly shut and locked, she allowed herself five more minutes to break down before pulling herself together. It took another three to locate her divorce therapist in her planner and pull up the contact information. It had been a year since she needed the woman's number, and calling to make an appointment felt like she had failed. However, she couldn't deny just hearing the woman’s voice was already relieving some of her built up tension.
"Abby, I can hear it in your voice. I'll see you in an hour. Please don't feel ashamed. We'll work you through this."
“Thank you. So much.” Speaking through tears, she also mentally thanked Jackson for the suggestion when she discovered how quickly an appointment could be made.
****
"Care to explain to me what you're doing?" Abby stood in the doorway of the guestroom with arms crossed, a neutral expression on her face. It was taking everything she had not to drag her wife off of the twin sized bed and into their bedroom.
"I think it's pretty obvious Abby. Turn the light back off, please. It’s late and I would like to get some sleep.” It was a lot later then she usually arrived home, Raven was right. Abby had a business dinner that had gone on until eleven pm, making it nearly midnight by the time she got home. Her phone must have died at some point, so she wasn’t able to call and let her wife know of her delay.
“No. I am not going to sit here and let you throw a temper tantrum because I was late coming home. We have a room, and we have a bed in that room. Neither of us has ever slept anywhere else during any disputes between us. Why is now any different? Why tonight Raven?” She was exhausted. Raven could see the dark bags under her eyes where her frustrated hands must have wiped away concealer. It wasn’t enough to overcome the anger she felt as she sat up in response to Abby’s words.
“Temper tantrum? Really? That’s what you want to lead with here?” The look in Abby’s eyes made it clear, no matter how tired they both were, this was happening, now. Pushing the blankets down, Raven slipped her legs over the bed and sat up.
“Let’s start with tonight. This was your third dinner with Kane in the past few weeks. You told me last week that Kane was being promoted. What was the point in missing dinner with your family, for a dinner with someone who won’t even be your boss anymore?”
“For one thing, he’s my friend Raven. For another, I applied for a promotion.” Abby took a deep breath before continuing. “He wanted to let me know that he’s going to bring my name up to the board - that he plans to stand behind me to take over his position. That’s why i’ve been working so much lately. I need to prove I can handle it.”
“You applied for a promotion for head of the department? When were you going to tell me about this? Abby, you don’t get home until the kids are getting ready for bed half the time as it is - and that’s just because you want to make a good impression? So, say you get this promotion, what happens then? Instead of missing a couple of dinners and bedtime stories a week, you’ll miss all of them? Instead of being able to take off for Blake’s birthday party next month, you’ll forget all about it and be sitting in your new office working all day? Are you serious right now?” She grabbed a pillow from the bed to rest in her lap, hands needing something to grip as a mild distraction. Abby stood there with eyes downcast to the floor, hands back to rubbing her temple and eyes.
“You are out of line dragging the kids into this. I work hard for them, for us, as a family. I was going to tell you once I had a better idea of if it was even a possibility of me getting it. Now I know. It would take a few months to adjust to a new schedule and get a handle on things, yes, but I would never choose work over my family. I would never forget our son’s birthday, or any important day for our family for that matter. It won’t be like this forever.” Abby’s eyes shot open at her wife’s deep laugh, the sound a half sob in her throat.
“Right. Because I haven’t been hearing that line for months now. It won’t be like this forever Raven. Sounds familiar. Last time I heard it in fact, was the same night you happened to forget one of those unforgettable important days for our family too. How ironic.” There was something she was missing, something that hadn’t clicked just yet for her. The thought of her forgetting her wife or children was a foreign concept to her. There was no way she would do that. She stood in front of her silently crying wife and wracked her brain for anything she could have missed.
“Please, just go. I don’t want to do this tonight Abby.”
She left the room as asked, heart aching in her chest.
Lying in bed alone, Abby decided to shift through her phone’s planner in search of the date Raven could have been talking about. Vaguely, a night weeks prior popped into her mind. The memory of coming home to see Zeke in his mother’s arms just drifting to sleep made her smile for a brief moment. She remembered it as the first dinner she had with Kane about the promotion. Pulling up the meeting details, she clicked her calendar app open to the same day. One look and her heart skipped rapidly as tears burned her eyes.
The red lettering next to the date must have been input by Raven -Don’t forget! Reservations with your wife @ 8pm. Happy Anniversary Love<3-
********
The soccer coach was quick to hustle the group of six and seven year olds onto the field for some running and stretches as soon as everyone had arrived. Blake ran off with a wave, excited for his first real game and to see all of his friends. Zeke, always the most patient and calm one of her children, stood next to her as she pulled their cooler of snacks and drinks from the trunk.
"Hey there little man! Afternoon Abby." Turning around quickly, Abby smiled at Jackson as he gave Zeke a high five before leaning against her car.
"Hey there Jackson. Thank you again for coming today. With everything going on," she cut herself off and stole a glance to her quiet son before leading the way to the bleachers. "Well, it's just nice having a buffer. I appreciate it."
A mutual friend is just what she needed today with her ex wife promising to be in attendance. She had no idea if the other woman would bring her boyfriend along, but either way Jackson was willing to help if she felt uncomfortable.
The fact that Raven and Jackson could go on about sports and engineering for hours on end and both enjoy themselves was a nice bonus. It could come in handy if he had to distract the other woman.
As expected, Raven showed up on time and said ‘hi’ to Zeke, but kept her distance, standing close to the sidelines of the field. Zeke was quickly bored and allowed to play at the playground near the bleachers and happily ran off with the other players’ siblings.
Halfway through the game, Abby noticed the opposing teams coach was spending an unusual amount of time on the wrong side of the field. Raven was laughing and talking with the man every time he stepped close.
“You have got to be kidding me. She has a boyfriend, and she’s at our son’s soccer game - yet there she is flirting with the other team’s coach.” Raising an eyebrow, Jackson looked in the direction Abby had been glaring daggers for ten minutes. It did indeed look like flirting was going on, Raven’s hand briefly resting on the man’s shoulder before they both started to laugh once again.
“Mama doesn’t have a boyfriend anymore.” This kid was too quiet, Abby mused as she noted her son standing beside her with a juicebox. “I saw him try to kiss her goodnight and she pushed him away and yelled at him. Kissing is gross Mommy.” Before she could respond, Zeke was off to the playground once more.
“That’s just great. Been single for a few days and already moving along then. Great role modeling going on.” She sounded bitter even to her own ears. Jackson was quick to try and calm her down.
“Simmer down Abby. If that is what’s going on here, then it’s whatever it is. There’s nothing we can do about it. She has every right. Remember what Dr. K said.” Both her therapist and friend were right, but it was hard to let these feelings go. Especially when it was happening right in front of her eyes. She took a moment to calm herself and enjoyed what was left of her son’s game.
***
Abby was late getting home, once again, and she was on a deadline. The kids had been fed dinner and still had another hour before bedtime, leaving Raven with few options. After getting cartoons on the tv, she settled both toddlers next to a pile of toys to keep them occupied.
“Alright boys, Mama has work to do, so you two are going to play nicely. Right? Blake, be nice to your brother, buddy. Okay?” The three old nodded with a mumbled “okay.” before going back his cars. Two year old Zeke seemed plenty content with his toy tool kit and wooden blocks to bang on.
“I’ve got this. We’ve got this. We can manage just fine in a pinch, can’t we?” Noticing she might as well have been speaking to herself as the kids paid her zero attention, Raven shook her head and headed into her office down the hall.
It was easy to get lost in her work as the kids played quietly. The laughs that filtered through her open door made her smile as she mapped out the final blueprints to her latest design. Every now and then, Raven would slide her chair to the doorway and watch them scoot from toy to toy and laugh at their favorite cartoon. It wasn’t until the silence settled into her brain ten minutes after she last looked in on them that she felt something was off. Standing up, she quickly made her way into the living room.
Blake was on the couch, where she had last seen him drifting off to sleep. His eyes were fully closed now and soft snores escaped his nose. Zeke, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found. She knew the bathroom door was closed, the gate to the kitchen was up, and front door was securely locked. There were only so many places a two year old could wander off to. After saying his name a few times and not receiving an answer, Raven assumed the toddler was most likely passed out under his blanket or table in one of the adjoining rooms. Neither would be a new occurrence. Turning to walk in the direction of the dining room, a loud crash and a cry echoed through the house. Quickly turning, Raven darted down the hall in the opposite direction.
The only two things on the left side of the house were the kitchen and the doorway leading into the garage. The latter stood wide open and crying filtered through the open doorway. Running through the garage, she found Zeke laying next next to a fallen stool and a large hammer, blood seeping from an open wound on his head. Abby had always said that in emergency situations, the fact that they could cry would be a good thing. The sight of that much blood didn’t comfort her much as she grabbed the nearest sweater hanging on the door and swept her baby into her arms.
“Hey, buddy. It’s okay, Mama’s here. I got you. Shhhh...It’s ok.” He was understandably crying and upset, fighting having his head wrapped up. Raven was fighting back tears that would surely match the boys if she let herself get distracted in the process. Her baby was hurt because she had let him out of her sight. When the tears started to fall, they were wiped away and emotions pushed aside.
She needed to get both boys into the car and to the hospital. She needed to call Abby. Quickly, Raven made her way back into the house and swept a sleeping Blake into her free arm before she was out the front door.
“Answer...answer damnit.” On the second try, her wife finally picked up. “Abby! Jesus, he’s okay. I think he’s okay. I’m on my way to the hospital. Zeke got hurt, but I think he just needs stitches. There’s, he’s bleeding but-” Her ramblings were cut short as she drove down the street.
“Raven, honey, you need to be calm. Did you put pressure on it?” at her confirmation and a mumbled response about the sweater, Abby continued. “ Okay, now hang up the phone and drive. I’ll meet you there. Go straight to the ER.”
Raven did as she was told and all but tossed her phone into the passenger seat, quickly stealing a glance in her rearview mirror at Zeke. The once white sweater wrapped around him was now completely red.
The second the nurses saw them walk in, they were swept into a private room and Zeke was quickly seen. Abby arrived moments after the doctor declared that only a few staples in the open wound would be needed. Zeke was quick to latch onto her, arms around her neck while they waited for the doctor to return with the necessary tools.
“What happened to him? How did he get hurt Raven?” Looking over the toddler’s shoulder, Abby sent a questioning glare at her wife as she whispered soothing words to the still whimpering Zeke. “I have you baby. Mommy knows sweetie.”
“He somehow got into the garage. I heard a loud noise and him crying and when I got there, a stool was knocked over. He must have been trying to climb it and knocked over a few tools when he tipped over. The hook side of a hammer caught him and-” She gestured to the gauze wrapped firmly around her son’s head with watery eyes. Abby’s glare only intensified.
“He got into the garage, and onto your workbench without you knowing? Where the hell were you when he was doing this? And how did he even get in there when you know to keep the garage locked Raven?” The curtain in front of the door easily let voices in, therefore their voices were sure to project outwards.
“Not now Abby. We can talk about this when we get home. Let’s just make sure he’s ok for now.” Her wife nodded and concentrated on soothing Zeke through the next step of his hospital visit.
After getting the O.K. to go and being discharged, the family quickly made their way home and the kids were set straight to bed. Raven knew was what coming as she paced the kitchen, waiting for Abby to finish tucking in Blake. The guilt of the night was weighing on her as she tried to stop herself from breaking down as Abby walked in.
“You want to tell me now how our two year old got hurt? Because last I checked, you know better than to leave the garage door open. You know how much he loves playing with your tools, and you sure as hell know not to leave them alone long enough to get into that situation to begin with. What the hell happened Raven?” The pressure that was nearly gone came crashing back full force at her wife's words.
“Abby, please stop.” Raven choked back tears and leaned onto the counter.
“I want to know what happened! I get a call on my way home that you’re rushing Zeke, bleeding and possibly needing stitches, to the hospital, and you can’t even give me a valid reason that the accident happened! He ended up with staples in his head. There’s absolutely no reason this should have happened unless you were being negligent.” All through her tirade, Abby had been rubbing her tired eyes or pacing the kitchen herself. When she took a moment to stop and look at her wife, her heart stopped a beat and she paused her anger to take it in. Raven look defeated, leaning against the counter, chest heaving through silent sobs.
“Raven, baby, come here. I’m sorry for yelling. I’m just trying to understand what happened.” Her arms were wrapped around her wife, one hand wiping away tears as the other rubbed Raven’s back. It took a few minutes before she finally felt the sobs start to recede. Another minute later Raven began pulling away and took a step back.
“If you would have just come home on time, I would have been able to get my work done earlier. I would have been playing with them in the living room instead of trying to work in my office, and it never would have happened. Why can’t you just keep a promise for once and be home when you say you will?” The words came out harsh, Raven’s entire body tense with anger and sadness warring together. Something clicked in Abby as she took in her wife’s stance. Ever since she’d forgotten their anniversary, Raven had spoken about her feelings less and less. All the unspoken feelings were boiling over.
“How long have you been holding this in? You’ve bottled it all up instead of coming to talk to me, and now you're acting childish and tossing all your anger out at once. How is that fair to me right now?” It wasn’t her fault Raven left the garage unlocked, possibly even left the door ajar. It was possible at Zeke’s age that he was learning to turn knobs, but the other options were equally believable as well.
“You think I haven’t tried? This isn’t anything new or recent Abby. You’ve been pulling away and been pretty absent for six months now. I tried to talk to you in the beginning! Your work was always more important. ‘After this contract is written honey. Don't worry baby, we’ll talk in the morning.’ What happened the next morning Abby? Shocker - you were already gone before I even got out of bed.” Both of their tempers were rising quickly, and Abby knew she would have to be the one to shut the argument down before they woke up the kids.
“You can’t pin all of this on me. I’ll take responsibility for being absent from time to time, but there has to have been moments where you could have spoken to me about this. Instead, I’m willing to bet you tried a few times and then gave up. I dare you to tell me I’m wrong.” She wasn’t wrong. With a defeated sag of her shoulders, Raven sat down in the nearest chair and became silent.
“Let’s sleep now. We’re both exhausted. I know the issue now Raven, and I swear to you, I will try harder. If you promise to open up and communicate with me, I’ll do the same.”
The only response she received was a nod of Raven’s head as she stood up and made her way back to the guest room she now spent most of her nights in.
***
The Friday after the soccer game, Zeke was excitedly running around the house in anticipation. The afternoon kindergarten class was going to be putting on their first play and all the parents were invited to see them perform. Instead of the normal three hour day that kids usually had, it would be cut in half to accommodate Old McDonald and His Singing Farm Animals. Between practicing his best dog impression, he peppered Raven with questions.
“Mommy is going to be there too, right? She promised she would. But she said she had to work today too. Does that mean she’ll be late? I really want Mommy and you to be there. Blake can’t since he has big kid school all day, but you guys can. Mommies are allowed to not go to school. Right?” He was worried, and Raven had to smile through her own concerns to reassure him before sending Abby a friendly reminder text.
Raven: Don’t forget Zeke’s play. Starts @ 1 sharp. He really want’s you there.
Abby: And I’ll be there Raven. Tell him I love him and not to wave to everyone on stage.
To Raven’s surprise, Abby managed to slip in the door fifteen minutes before the play was over, just enough time for Zeke think he had simply missed her during his first look. The glare Raven sent her way was noted as she took a seat.
The play ended twenty minutes before the school was set to let out for the day, leaving Raven and Abby standing together near the exit with the other parents. Abby wanted to discuss her earlier therapist appointment with her ex, knowing now may be the only opportunity she would get for a week or two. It was now or never as she dove right into it, watching Raven jump slightly at her voice.
“I started seeing my therapist again. She was thinking, I was actually, that it would be good for you to maybe come in one day and-”
“No. I told you before, I don’t do shrinks. Anything you want to talk about, we can figure out a time to talk. I’m not sitting in a head doctor’s office and talking about my feelings. It all leads back to random crap from childhood trauma and things that make no sense. I’m sorry. No. And, I saw you sneak in there at the last second. Maybe you should work on scheduling time in for your kids instead of your therapist.” The finality in the younger woman’s voice only angered her, and she chose to ignore the dig at her late arrival. It hadn’t been her fault that the main highway was backed up due to an accident.
“It’s not all about you Raven. We have issues we never worked through during our divorce. I need help to work through them and you can deny it all you want, but you need to as well. Why can’t you just work with me for once?” They were starting to attract a few stares from nearby parents, Abby didn’t seem to care though.
“We need to do something Raven. I know you need your space, but the kids need us to be able to be around each other without everything turning into an argument. It’s not healthy for them to think we hate each other. And I feel like-” Despite what Abby was thinking, Raven had been considering the same things recently herself. Before the conversation could continue though, they were cut off.
The school bell rang and kids quickly filed out the doors in a little stampede. Zeke and Blake were quick to spot their mothers and make their way over. Tension was clearly still in the air, but the time for the discussion was over. Raven was grateful as she praised Zeke for his play and gave Blake a high five for his passed spelling test.
“Don’t forget they don’t have school Monday. You’ll have to drop them off at my house by nine am so I can get them ready to go. We have plans.”
“I know. You’ve reminded me every other day for over a week now. I won’t be late Raven.” It had been nearly a year and a half since Abby had really been late for anything involving the kids and Raven, with the few exceptions of someone being sick or stuck in traffic. In most of those cases, communication was always open and the situations dealt with quickly.
Abby watched as the boys said a final goodbye to their mom, unfortunately used to having to split their time between the two households. With the last hugs and kisses received, Raven nodded to her and sent a wave the kids’ direction as she made her way through the parking lot.
*******
"You have got to be kidding me right now. Our kids were at daycare for two hours past the normal time they are picked up. They had to call me at work because they couldn't get a hold of you Abby. That's not okay! What the hell was so important that you forgot our kids?"
"I said I was sorry. I feel like shit about this enough. Do you really think yelling at me is helping? I have had a fuck hell of a week already Raven and the kids are fine. What's not fine is you going off on me like this. I made a mistake, I get it." Abby paced their bedroom in her work outfit, shirt untucked and halfway unbuttoned. Her hair was in disarray from the hundred times her hands had pulled through the thick locks. "Between moving my office and dealing with all the added paperwork of the past few weeks, things have piled up. I'm in the middle of a big position transfer and still have responsibility of my old jo-"
The sight of her wife, mouth slightly parted and with one eyebrow raised high, brought her pacing to a grinding hault. Her own words quickly caught up to her as a hand flew to her mouth.
"What...what do you mean by that Abby? What the hell are saying right now? And don't you dare lie to me again." Raven set her mouth in a thin line and waited.
She knew her wife inside and out. The Raven she knew didn't believe in violence, but the look she was receiving in that moment felt like a punch in the gut - at the very least. It was a look of betrayal, and it would only get worse. She couldn’t lie any more about accepting the promotion, so she remained silent. Her wife’s expression hardened as the truth she’d let slip was finally processed.
“I warned you Abby. I told you if you took that promotion without at least discussing it with me that I was done. You tried to hide it by lying for how long now? It has to have been weeks! You tried to call my bluff. When have I ever been one to bluff Abby?" Abby actually knew the answer to that one. Raven Reyes didn't bluff. She kept her word. "I'm done. I can't do this anymore."
When did they come to this? When did Raven's eyes start to look so dull and sad? When did her responses to “how did your day go, honey" turn into flat answers of "fine," or "it went?" When did she start to accept those answers from her wife, and ignore all the false bravado in the words? The answer was simple and almost brought her to her knees.
She couldn't remember when any of those things started. It was a sudden, scary realization. Raven's voice began to filter through her mind, derailing her musings. Abby looked up and saw another shirt being tossed into Raven’s old duffel bag and she swore under her breath.
“Don’t, Raven - just stop.” Taking a deep breath, Raven stood up and leaned against the dresser before facing her wife in silence.
“What does ‘done’ mean? Done with today? This week? Us?” Her eyes darted to the black bag at Raven’s feet. Her voice was unsteady as she continued, “I can take a guess here. But I’m really hoping that it’s wrong. We need to talk this through, because running from this isn’t an option. We have two little boys in the next room Raven. I’ve already gone through this once and tore Clarke’s life in half. I can’t let that happen again.”
Raven held her hands at her side, tense and unmoving, before she spoke again. Her voice was as equally unsteady as her wife’s.
“You can’t just use them as a bargaining chip. You asked me to give us another chance, and I did. That was two months ago Abby. Nothing has changed. Things were nice for the next week after that, and then I’m guessing that’s when you took the promotion. Congratulations, Ab. You got your dream job. You picked what was most important to you. Now, I’m going to finish packing my bag. I’m going to leave for the night, and I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon for Blake and Zeke.”
“You are not taking them anywhere. If you so much as-” She was cut off by a gruff laugh as Raven continued her packing and shaking her head.
“What Abby? If I take them with me what are you going to do? Take off work? It’s summer break, daycare won’t keep them the hours that you work and they sure as hell don’t need to spend ten hours a day there anyway. They are going with me, and I’ll be finding my own place to live within a week. Until then we’ll be staying at Octavia’s.”
“So you’re going to take my kids from me, and file for divorce? That’s your plan?” Her eyes were watering, wide and pleading as the duffel bag continued to collect every item tossed out of drawers and the closet.
“I already filed the divorce papers Abby. My lawyer has just been waiting for the final say to process them. I’m not going to keep you from our kids, but they will be living with me. We’ll set up a custody arrangement whenever you have time to meet. You know where we’ll be.” Lifting the bag over her shoulder, Raven spared her wife one last look before walking out of the bedroom.
She couldn’t stay a moment longer without breaking down completely. She still loved the woman she was leaving behind, and it was killing her to have to leave. In the end, it came down to what was best for their little family as a whole, and continuing on as it had been was definitely not it. She knew it wasn’t all Abby’s fault for their marriage failing, but she couldn’t find it in herself to stay and discuss that just now. She would admit her faults to the other woman when she had more time to process her own actions.
Abby continued to cry quietly as she heard the front door open and click shut. Raven’s truck started up moments later. It was happening all over again, history repeating itself like a broken record. Jake had taken Clarke with him for the same reasons, and she was going to lose the closeness she had with her two little boys now. Her world was falling apart, and there was nothing she could do about it.
*****
Therapy was a life saver during and after the divorce, and Abby had no doubt it would help her again. The only issue was that the memories she had to talk about in sessions tended to flood her dreams at night. Waking up with the kids and going through their morning routine was comforting and bittersweet that day. Living in the same home as the one they had lived in while married made it easy to picture her life with her ex-wife as it had once been. Blake refused eggs and toast and demanded Froot Loops, Raven’s favorite cereal that she no doubt always had on hand. She would sit in the same spot at the table that Blake now claimed as his own. Zeke wanted grape jelly on his toast as usual, and the resulting mess was expected. Raven had even gotten Abby herself to start eating her toast that way.
By the time breakfast was done with and messy fingers cleaned to go, they made it to Raven’s home with barely five minutes to spare.
“Alright boys! Swim trunks are on your bed. Go! Go! Go!” As soon as Abby and the boys walked through the door, Raven had plopped new hats on their heads and told them to get ready. She caught Raven up on the kids behavior and adventures from the weekend as usual and prepared to call the boys down for a quick goodbye.
“Actually, Abby, I uh, well.” Abby could see Raven purse her lips, trying to find the right words to say. She waited patiently, Raven was never one to prolong these interactions, so she was intrigued. “Do you have any plans today? Tomorrow as well. I was just thinking, we have an extra ticket to the amusement park and they’re doing fireworks tonight. The kids will be pretty tired after a full day of that, so I thought we could just get a hotel room out there for the night. Missing one day of school won’t hurt anything, and I know they would get a kick out of you joining us. It’s an hour drive, so you could just ride with us. If you don’t have plans, or work or anything.”
It was an unexpected invite, but so welcome. In that moment Abby couldn’t hold back her smile as Raven attempted to hide her nervous gestures. The hand she had currently rubbing the back of her neck was a dead giveaway though - not that she would call the woman out on it.
“I’ll have to run home and get an overnight bag together. I can be back within the hour, if that’s okay?” Raven nodded with a hesitant smile. “Tell the kids I’ll be back then. And Raven, thank you. This...It means a lot to me. So, thank you.”
Logically, she knew this wasn’t the day that everything would be fixed between them, but it was a start. Nothing was guaranteed between them and she wouldn’t give herself false hope. A familiar thought crossed her mind as she drove home with a smile. If they could just be friends again, then maybe everything else would fall into place.
******
Walking across the cafeteria, Abby looked around for a quiet spot to sit. It had been a long day of lectures, papers, and grading. She sighed when someone called her name, knowing she wouldn’t get away with a lunch in peace. Looking to her left, she noticed Jackson at a corner table with what looked like a student. He quickly stood and met her halfway.
“Abby! Hey, come on over here for a minute. I have someone I want to introduce you to.” Confused even more, she forced a fake smile on her face and followed her co-worker’s lead until she stood in front of the other woman.
“Raven, this is Dr. Griffin, our best professor and go to medical expert. Abby this is Raven Reyes.” Still not seeing the point in the meeting, Abby shook her hand with a friendly smile anyway. “Raven is here as a guest speaker on biomedical engineering. Top in her field and youngest to graduate with honors in years.” Now her interest was piqued.
“Really? I don’t mean to be rude, but how old are you? I’m sorry, actually that was rude. I was just curious. You definitely do not have to answer that.” She was getting flustered. Why was she getting flustered? And why did Raven’s answering laugh and smile make her feel off kilter?
“It’s okay. I get that a lot, actually. Most people don’t realize that i’m twenty and have already obtained my bachelor's degree. Jackson was actually saying you have some connections with a local medical company - said I should start networking.” The last sentence was said with a slow grin and a quick eyebrow raise from the younger woman. This was turning into a much better lunch than anticipated.
“Well, I have the next few hours open before my final class starts. If you’re free and interested, we can discuss what you’re looking for and see if I can help you out.”
The next few hours left Abby with an interesting feeling. Raven sat in during her final class of the day, promptly launching into the medical components to a new prosthetic mapping equipment she was designing as they walked towards the parking garage. It had taken her by surprise to note the slight limp in the other woman’s step, embarrassed to catch herself questioning it when they got to a diner near the campus.
“Accidents happen. It sucks, but it led me into this field in the end. I never would have got into biomedical engineering if it weren’t for my first shitty leg brace. I couldn’t stand it, so I made my own. The rest, as they say, was history.” Raven shrugged with the familiar smirk on her lips. Abby was coming to adore it the longer they spoke.
Raven’s eyes lit up when they talked about her work, and they even had their own shine when Abby found herself speaking of her own job. The younger woman was genuinely interested in what she had to say, and that alone floored Abby. It wasn’t until nearly ten hours after they met that the time was finally noticed, and only because the coffee on the table had long gone cold. Abby slowly stood and nodded to the door.
“It’s getting pretty late. I have a class to teach first thing in the morning unfortunately.” The dark chocolate eyes of the younger woman quickly showed her disappointment. She was unsure at her next idea, but took the risk anyway. The worst that could happen was being told no, after all. “I had a nice time talking to you, I really did. Maybe we could get together again soon; dinner on friday?”
Seeing Raven’s eyes immediately light up made the risk worth it. Exchanging numbers, Abby was quick to steal Raven’s phone and snap a picture of herself for the contact with a smile.
It felt easy to be with Raven, it felt right. She knew then and there if she were to see Raven Reyes again, she wouldn’t be able to stay away from the woman. Not only was Raven a genius, but she was kind, clever, and had a quick wit to accompany her beautiful looks.
Abby was absolutely smitten. She made a promise to herself then and there as they stepped out of the diner. Though her past relationship had failed, she was prepared to do better this time. This time, she was determined to do things right. The first step would be starting a friendship. Maybe then everything else would fall into place.