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"Alright, does this work? Do you hear me, my beautiful husbands?"
"Oh. That's..."
"I can hear you directly inside my head, what a wonderful contraption!"
"You are very welcome."
"I agree, you are truly talented, Dorian. Thank you for this beautiful gift."
"Well now, no need to flatter me so much, my dear Cullen, I am already your husband. Maker, I love saying that. And who am I kidding? Please, never stop flattering me."
"I wouldn't dream of it... husband."
"Mmh... Exquisite."
"I have to say, though... Hearing Cullen physically and in my thoughts might get a bit disturbing. As lovely as it sounds in theory, there's a very slight delay that makes it quite unsettling."
"Yes, I agree. We should probably use only one stone when we're together."
"Ah, I see what you mean. In that case, the one not wearing the stone has to be touching the other's stone to be a part of the connection. You lucky men."
"Well, now that we have confirmed it works, get back here, you wondrous mage, and you can get lucky too."
"Oh, my."
“No, wait. Stay away for a moment.”
“I didn’t know you were that cruel, Commander! We’ll have ample time for distance fun when I’m back in Tevinter. Right now, I would prefer celebrating our lovely wedding by actually touching you, if you don’t mind.”
“Sorry, that’s not what I meant. Just give us a minute to see how it works with one stone on our end.”
“You scared me too for a second, there.”
“Let's take both of our necklaces off, and we’ll hold one between us.”
“So you will be holding each others hand each time we talk? Such sweet torture.”
"I mean, we could even be holding it between our-"
"No, we couldn't. Don't say it. How would that even be enjoyable?"
"You don't know what I was going to say."
"With the face you are making? Yes, I do."
"Aw, Cullen, you're no fun. But hey, we get to hear Dorian laughing right inside our heads, and isn't that beautiful?"
"Yes, alright... It is. Your crudeness is forgiven."
"Maker... Don't make me blush all alone in an empty room, then make me hear you two kissing. If anyone passes by, they'll think I'm up to no good. Are you done with testing it out on your end?
"Oh, yes, that's right. It's indeed way better now, I just hear Cullen's voice as usual, no echo. You?"
"Same. That’s quite a relief."
"I apologise about this unforeseen issue, it's still a work in progress. Now that you’ve solved it on your own, how about I help you find a different kind of relief?"
"That was awfully unsubtle even for you."
"You love it."
"Strangely, it appears we do."
"Come back quickly and see for yourself just how much."
"I had a thought."
"Did you, now? Don't hurt yourself."
"Hush, you barbarian!"
"Do tell, vhenan."
"I keep wondering if, decades or centuries from now perhaps, people will be swearing by your name, Mahanon."
"What?"
"You know. 'Herald's flaming hand, this place is all but good to toss to the Void!'"
"Please, no... Don't tempt fate, that would be awful... I've always been repeating that I wasn't the Herald of Andraste, so I hope the name won't stick long, especially since we've proven it wasn't Andraste with me in the Fade."
"I think I would be quite proud to hear that."
"Of course our saint would say that."
"What? I'm not a saint. And don't tell me you wouldn't enjoy hearing Mahanon's name being revered that way."
"Until they start swearing by my balls or something..."
"Now that's something even nicer to think about! Oh, do you believe they would talk about us as well? 'I swear by the Herald's husband’s exquisite moustache, I didn't do it!'"
"Well, that's a mouthful."
"'It's not the Herald's husband’s furry armour, but it should do.'"
"That’s terrible, Dorian! Why would anyone even say that?"
"Who knows? I don’t think the Maker planned for the fact that people would be swearing by his hairy testicles someday."
"I’m not the Maker, though."
"Mahanon, please tell me elves aren’t as vulgar as humans with their gods…"
"Sorry to disappoint you, Cullen. It is frowned upon in public, at least in my clan, but I’ve heard quite a few curses to their genitals. Or worse. We heard some colourful insults during our travels as well."
"I think I remember one about an orgy."
"Of course you would remember that."
"Our pious little commander. You don't even find it a little bit funny?"
"I find it a bit disrespectful, to be honest. I would have given you the benefit of the doubt before, but now that we know at least two elven gods are real, I'm even less willing to risk the Maker and his bride hearing me blaspheming their names."
"From what I gathered, I'm fairly certain Solas has nothing against orgies."
"Well, well, well! At least elven gods aren't as prude as human gods and know how to have fun."
"- talk to your imaginary lovers?"
"Don't touch it, Mae! I told you we can only use it once per day."
"So it's limited and not even passphrase protected? What sloppy work, you should be ashamed at yourself. Are you also going to tell me that it is restricted to a certain number of words?"
"Please. It may not be my speciality, but I am not a novice."
"Time is your speciality, darling, and yet..."
"I am still working on it. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't had a lot of free time."
"Not with two husbands, that's for certain."
"Well, hello there."
"Ah! Speaking of..."
"Imaginary, are we?"
"I guess this is as good a time as ever to finally get you off my back..."
"I don't know. I mean, they're just voices, aren't they? Who is to say you didn't just trap a couple of poor spirits in there to keep you company?"
"Seriously, Mae? Spirits can write letters, now?"
"Who knows? These are strange times indeed."
"It's a pleasure to finally hear you, Magister Tilani."
"Likewise, let me guess... Inquisitor? But please, call me Maevaris."
"And call me Mahanon. I am no longer the Inquisitor."
"So they say. And to whom belonged that other charming voice?"
"Cullen, at your service, my lady."
"Oh, I can definitely understand why our Dorian fell so hard."
"Enough, let go of the crystal! And give me a minute now, if you please. Shoo. Really sorry about that, amati."
"It's alright."
"We can take a break."
"Were you training, perhaps?"
"Yes, the young Lavellans are quite eager to learn different fighting techniques than their clan's."
"And I'm glad I learned some dagger tricks from Cole before coming back to the clan, because otherwise, they would never have believed I helped save the world."
"I wish you could just finally rest instead of still having to fight..."
"You know I can't sit idly, Dorian. But we are still resting plenty. Probably more than you are.
"Is everything alright on your end?"
"Yes, don't worry, just a couple meetings planned today, and hopefully no one will try to blow up the city."
"Do take care, please."
"I will. And you too, amati."
"Of course."
"I guess we'll talk tomorrow, then. Mae will pay for this."
"It's alright, it was a nice surprise to hear you this early."
"I really need to figure out how to make this work anytime we want."
"It's already amazing to be able to talk once a day."
"I'm sure you will figure it out, Dorian. You're the best, after all, aren't you, future magister?"
"Why, yes, I am, aren't I?"
"Do you know I still find myself singing some of your bard's songs even though it's been quite a while since I heard them?"
"That does not surprise me, she's quite good, isn't she?"
"Which ones in particular?"
"Most often, when I'm irritated at the magisters, I would find myself humming that song about the fall of Corypheus to appease my mind. You have no idea how many ‘magister’s ancient hands’ I wish to break daily."
"Oh yes, this one is very catchy."
"Did you know she travels with the Bull's Chargers now?"
"I am glad to hear that, things must be working quite well between her and Krem, then."
"Apparently so. Next time we see them, I'll be sure to tell her that her songs have been heard as far as Tevinter, she'll be pleased."
"They are starting to spread across Orlais and Ferelden, so it would be no wonder, really."
"I tear up when I hear the one about all of you. I think I cried for a good five minutes into Cullen's shoulder the last time we heard it in a tavern..."
"You did, and it really scared me. I did not understand what had happened to you until you were able to talk properly again."
"I could have done without her suspecting I was an evil magister, but other than that, it is a very moving song."
"For me, it's the one about Samson and the one about the Grey Wardens that make me really sad..."
"Oh, Cullen..."
"Yes, yes, I'm very predictable, I know."
"No, it's understandable, vhenan. There's no shame in it."
"We know you're a big softie."
"Salutatio vespertina, amatus."
"Mahanon? You- Was that-"
"Vero."
"Oh, Cullen… I have goosebumps. How does this sound like the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard?"
"Well, that was easy. I guess we don’t need to bother learning more than that."
"But… How?"
"Now that we don't have an official Inquisition to run, we have more time for ourselves, and we've been asking Krem to teach us a few sentences in Tevene."
"I'll have to send the man some gifts, he seems to be doing a very good job."
"He is definitely quite patient, one of us is more skilled with learning languages than the other."
"Don't say that, Cullen. You're doing great... amatus."
"Maker's sweet beard, I don't think I'll ever tire of hearing you say that... I mean, Tevene isn't even used much anymore except for posturing in high places, so I honestly never thought hearing it would make me that hot and bothered one day."
"Mission accomplished."
"I will admit I had the same idea, I tried finding someone who could teach me Elven, but sadly, a lot of elves here don't even speak it, and those who do are too protective of it to teach it to a human."
"I can teach you."
"Truly?"
"Of course, vhenan. You are family, now."
"Thank you. That means a lot to me."
"I'll join you if you allow me."
"With pleasure!"
"Though you better be ready for me to butcher it. I'm not sure if I have it in me to fully learn one additional language, let alone two, but I'll do my best to at least learn the basics."
"That's alright. I'm just happy you're curious enough to try."
"Te amamus in aeternum, maritus."
"That was very unfair of you, yesterday! I was in the middle of an important conversation, and it almost threw me off-balance. Me! You are naughty and I should confiscate your toys."
"I'd like to see you try."
"Behold the formidable threats of the mighty Tevinter mage."
"I'm sure we already got punished enough, since we haven't been able to speak with you for almost two days because of that."
"But it was worth it, apparently. Wasn't it, Dorian?"
"I... You... Yes, it was. You are so adorable. And I love you too. So much."
"Glad to hear it. Will there still be some other kind of punishment next time we see each other, though?"
"Mahanon..."
"There can be punishment right now, if that's what you wish."
"A pleasant night to you, amati. How was your day?"
"In case those grunts weren't clear, our Cullen is sick."
"Oh, no! What happened?"
"Not so loud, please..."
"It's a common cold, but you'd think he was dying. Even Haven is buying into his act, I swear she's just as melodramatic as he is."
"You say that now, but you were quite panicked yourself this morning."
"Yes, well, when you wake up to see the man you love almost unresponsive next to you, white as a sheet, and hear him murmur 'I think I'm dying', you would panic as well."
"What are your mages doing? They can't be that incompetent!"
"Apparently, Cullen hasn't caught a cold in decades thanks to lyrium, so he didn't remember how that felt, and he, um... He refuses to have a mage other than you touching him."
"Maker's beard... Why does that sound both ridiculous and extremely endearing?"
"I know, right?"
"I told you not to kiss me, Mahanon. You'll catch it too..."
"It wouldn't be the first time in ten years for me, vhenan. I know I'll be fine even if I catch it."
"You need to come to Tevinter right this instant! What if it's not just a cold?"
"We will not make such a journey while he is sick, Dorian. That would be dangerous. And don't worry, I had a few people check up on him in the morning when I thought he had been poisoned or worse, and everyone agrees."
"How can you be so sure if nobody checked with magic?"
"See... What if we missed something? What if... I won't see Dorian again?"
"Oh, Cullen..."
"I have had a cold before, I know the symptoms. I promise we've been as thorough as we could, trust me on that. You are not dying on my watch. It's easily treated with plants, it just takes a little longer than with magic. But... once he is better, I think we will indeed arrange to spend some time in Tevinter's warmer weather."
"Truly?"
"Truly, Dorian."
"I admit the thought of a warmer weather is very attractive right now..."
"Is that all you'll be coming to Tevinter for? The weather?"
"Don't pout, I'm sure we'll be able to squeeze an hour to see you between all the sunbathing."
"If that's how it's going to be, see if I'll heal your sunburns! With how pale you two are, I'll have a good laugh after you've spent a mere five minutes sunbathing here."
"Oh. That bad?"
"I'm pretty sure you can't even imagine."
"Wait, are you bringing the mabari with you?"
"You'll soon realise that you do not separate the mabari from their person, and vice versa."
"I'll let it slide because it's you, but you are very lucky Haven can't hear you, or she would not have been happy."
"Glad to know you two don't have a telepathic link, at least."
"A telepathic- What kind of reading have you been doing? You communicate with a mabari like you do with another person. Even Mahanon knows that."
"I did my reading correctly. I knew better than to even question if we were leaving her while we went to visit you."
"Thank you. Ow, what... Haven! Easy, girl! Yes, of course, I love you too. Leaving without you never even crossed my mind, you know that. I was just explaining to Dorian.. Stop, no licking my face! Wait, I have to keep a hand on the crystal, or I won't be ab-"
"Sorry, you're on your own there, vhenan. I can't save you and keep the connection with only one hand. Oh, Dorian... I wish you could see him right now. I have never seen him laugh so fully, so carelessly, even with us. I'm a bit jealous of Haven, but it's a beautiful sight to behold."
"Alright, now I feel less wary about the mabari coming along. I guess I'll have to bribe her into wrestling with Cullen so that I can witness this."
"I'll help you. When she isn't within earshot, I'll tell you how. Haven, let him breathe, at least. He's not wearing his armour and you are very heavy. I'm alright with you kissing my husband, as long as you don't kill him."
"Do you realise how ridiculous that sounds, Mahanon?"
"If I get to hear you laughing as well, I don't mind."
"Goodness, you are still such a sap."
"And a proud one. Are you done, Haven? I'm starting to feel a bit left out. Scooch a bit and let me also kiss this wonderful man."
"Kaffas. Now I'm also jealous of a dog and of my own husband."
"Which one?"
"Both! This is torture..."
"We'll- be with you soon."
"Glad to hear you are still alive, Cullen. Although it seems I have been replaced."
"Don't be silly. She doesn't talk enough to be able to replace you."
"You know what? I will take that as a compliment. Stop laughing, Mahanon!"
"Dorian?"
"Sorry, I had to leave for a bit and I didn't want to wake you up. Fucking Venatori. I'll be done soon, don't worry. Do not go out, please. Kaffas, is it too much to ask for a few quiet days?"
"Can't we join you and help?"
"I'd rather not, please trust me on that. And we've got quite a few allies now."
"Alright. Be careful, love."
"Always."
"Can you see the moons right now?"
"Wait a second."
"We see them."
"Good."
"Is something the matter?"
"I'm trying to imagine you're still here with me and we're looking at them together."
"We are, vhenan."
"We're here."
"Yes, I know. But it's not the same. I can't touch you."
"We'll come back soon."
"We miss you too, you sap."
"Varric should hire you as a consultant for his terrible novels."
"Maker forbid he writes anything good, Cassandra would have my head!"
"Good thing she wasn't chosen as Divine, then."
"Oh, I'm sure Solas is even more thankful for that, seeing how cross she was with his betrayal."
"Please don't say it that way."
"I know you still have some faith in him, sorry. I trust your judgement."
"Are you free right now?"
"Yes, the monster is in bed and Mia let us escape early when we explained."
"How is your family?"
"Everyone is quite alright, thank you. It's nice to see everyone, even though Mia is still as insufferable as ever. My nephew is growing rapidly."
"They were all disappointed you weren't here, especially the kid. He kept asking questions about you, about magic and about the Tevinter Imperium."
"That's my little nephew! That boy is thirsty for knowledge, and he must not have been happy with your bumbling half answers. Maybe you should bring him into the conversation tomorrow."
"That's... actually quite a good idea."
"He will be so excited. Thank you, Dorian."
"Anything to save you from embarrassment, amatus. You are staying there a week, yes?"
"That's right. If we don't flee earlier than that."
"Be nice, Cullen. They're happy to see you."
"Well, my sister has a weird way of showing it."
"It runs in the family, Ser I Never Wrote To Her In 15 Years. And you should get used to it, because we'll probably see them more often in the future."
"Oh?"
"We finally got a raven from Divine Victoria."
"Be nice, Mahanon. You know she is very busy."
"You were also ready to seek an audience with King Alistair if you didn't receive an answer by the end of the week."
"Well? Don't leave me hanging, what did she say?"
"Sorry."
"She did it. She granted me land to build the facility on."
"Oh, Cullen, that's amazing! I'm so happy for you."
"Thank you. It is such a relief to know I'll be able to help in an official capacity."
"Once more, it's up to us to clean up their mess. It was the least she could do, or I would not have been happy with her."
"Maker preserve us from your wrath, love."
"I mean, you shouldn't be too happy. She robbed you both of the chance to oggle King Alistair."
"We wouldn't be oggling him!"
"We certainly won't be now."
"Dorian?"
"Yes, amatus, you know I love you more than King Alistair."
"No, that's not- stop it!"
"Mahanon, please tell me he's blushing."
"He is, and it's adorable."
"You are insufferable. I was about to ask if you thought you might manage to leave Tevinter for a little bit. Because now that everything has been set in motion, we won't be able to leave before the facility is done and I am certain it is running smoothly. And that will surely take a while."
"Hmm, you're right. Actually, this might be a good opportunity. I could pretend I'm going to check if this new project is indeed what it says or if your Chantry is 'plotting something nefarious'. No one will be fooled of course, but I don't think anyone will be able to refuse this either."
"So many good news. What a beautiful day."
"How about we invite King Alistair for a formal presentation of the project while you are here, and the three of us can oggle him together?"
"Oh my, you always know the perfect words to say to me!"
"Wait... Cullen, did you just say the three of us?"
"Yes. I did."