Chapter Text
Why was it that everytime you believed that things could not get worse, they did? It was as if the universe specifically went out of its way to challenge you for even daring to think such a thing.
For Steven it was that specific type of day. Waking up in the middle of the street, lost and confused. Why was it day time? Why were people driving on the wrong side of the road?
None of it made any sense. Not even the sinking feeling of sorrow that rested within him. He couldn't remember a reason for him to be full of pain that only this deep sadness could bring.
So he did what he felt like he had to do, call his mother while wandering off, trying to find anything organisable to ground himself in the situation he found himself in.
It wasn't long that he realized he was in Chicago. Why? He had no clue. There was nothing for him here, or anything in the States for that matter. The Americans he passed gave him odd glances and it wasn't until he glanced at himself in one of the passing windows did he understand why. He looked like down right shabby, a right mess. His eyes were bloodshot, deep bags underneath. His clothes seemed grim and were tousled. The curls of his hair flatten slightly by the kippah he wore on top of his head. Was that him? For a moment in felt as if he was in the body of a stranger, his mind slowly registering what he was seeing. It was only when the reflection mirrored himself lightly pinching his cheek did he feel reassured that it was indeed him.
Steven turned his attention away from the shop window and kept walking. He wasn't sure why but he felt the urge to walk, to run, but it was an itch he had to satisfy. Even as if his feet started to ache and burn he continued his aimless path.
It seemed his path brought him to a park, Nichols Park according to the street signs. He glanced at the families and couples he passed. The children running around in carefree joy, their parents either keeping a watchful eye or joining their children in their games. It was a sight that nearly lifted his heavy heart only for a bitter taste in his mouth to keep it weighed down like a stone in his chest.
He glanced around as he walked, his eyes looking for any open benches yet each one he saw was taken. It wasn't surprising for it was a sunny day, with just the right temperature to come out and to enjoy a day in the park.
It only took a minute or two for him to find an open spot yet as he walked closer to the bench he understood why. While the previous benches were taken fully, this one only had one person occupying it. A young woman, a rather nondescript person no matter how long he stared at her. As he walked closer to her, an uneasiness started to grow inside him. It was as if she was a black hole, a large cold spot on an otherwise sunny day. He noticed how the other people would only spare her a glance before walking the further route away from her, as if being too close to her vicinity would draw away from the light of day.
He wondered if she knew the effect she gave off, the coldness and bitterness that seemed to drive anyone away from her and the open seat. He guessed not by judging how relaxed she seemed. Her laying back onto the back of the bench, her legs stretched outwards as she held her head towards the sun, soaking in the radiance.
His hesitancy towards taking the seat grew, not due to her being an unwelcoming cold spot but instead of his fear of disrupting her peace. It would be awful rude of him to disturb someone who seemed to be so relaxed. Would she be angry, annoyed? He wouldn't blame her if she was. Yet the pain in his feet made up his mind and he decided to shuffle towards her. Ignoring the warning bells that rung in his head, screaming for him to leave her be, to run in the opposite direction of her.
He stood beside the empty space of the bench, his fingers lightly tapping the arm rest. He tried once again to look at her, to take in any details of her yet it was as if his brain was scrambled. Anytime he thought he made out a feature it was lost before his mind could take note of it. It wasn't long that a headache started to form, barely noticeable at first yet the longer he tried to concentrate on her the stronger it seemed to become. The throbbing forced his eyes away from her, and the pain slowly dissipated.
"Uh excuse me?" He spoke gently, keeping his eyes downwards, deciding to stare at his shoes.
Silence.
He dared to look up to see her staring at him. He could make out the look of confusion and surprise on her face, as if she was shocked that someone was in fact talking to her. Perhaps, she was aware of the unfriendly aura she gave off.
"I'm truly sorry to disturb you but is this seat open? It seems everywhere else is full and my feet are killing me. I completely understand if you don't feel comfortable. Who wouldn't be with a stranger."
She continued to stare at him, tilting her head slightly as if she was studying him. Her blue eyes-or were they green, no brown, no gray. The image of her was constantly shifting, rewriting in his brain until he started to feel another headache grow.
The woman shrugged, "Go ahead."
Steven felt himself freeze slightly, shocked that she even responded to him. He muttered a quick thank you and sat beside her.
He felt her eyes stay on him, causing him to shift his body as if trying to shrug away the odd feeling it gave him.
They sat in silence, with only Steven giving her the occasional glance to observe her.
"You look like shit," she stated so plainly to the point it didn't even come off as rude only factual.
"So do you," he pointed out when he spared her a glance. It seemed that glancing at her in a short burst was the easiest. It was enough for him to see the occasional wince of pain on her face whenever a slight breeze passed by, or when she moved a muscle.
Instead of getting offended she merely laughed, removing her gaze from him.
"Are…" he hesistated unsure if he should even make conversation with the odd woman, "Are you okay?" His mind flashed to those small instances of those pain-filled grimaces she had, the ones that made him concerned.
"I feel how I always feel."
Her reply made him frown. Before he could bring up the vagueness of it she cut him off.
"What about you?"
Steven recoiled slightly, "Me?"
She nodded slightly, "Yeah. Are you okay?"
He paused as she threw his own words back at him. He gave a hesitant nod before sighing. "I'm not sure," he admitted honestly. It was the only way to describe the emotions within him.
The odd woman merely hummed.
Steven cleared his throat, "Beautiful day innit?"
He felt her eyes back on him before the feeling eased away.
"Yeah, I guess it is."
Steven nodded his head in agreement. "What brings you to the park?"
He saw a small smile on her lips out of the corner of his eye.
"Just came to play chess with an old colleague of mine. Did him a favor last night and he wanted to check it before I head back."
Her nose scrunched up slightly.
"You don't seem too happy with that," Steven noted lightly.
"More like I was reminded how much I hate playing chess with him." She let out a small huff, "What about you stranger? Do you come to the park to make small talk with strangers."
Steven felt his face turn warm as her teasing words as he shook his head. "Uh no, not really. Just walking and my feet led me here."
"Then why did a Brit come across the pond? Something interesting in Chicago that I missed?"
Steven frowned and shook his head, her question reminding him of his most recent memory gap.
"You don't have to tell me," she continued, "Though sometimes talking to someone you'll never meet again can be cathartic."
He paused, taking in her words. Barely noting that even her voice was as nondescript as the rest of her. It was to the point that he was starting to wonder if he was talking to anyone or just a figment of his imagination.
"I don't know," he admitted softly, "It was as if I just woke up here."
"No memory at all?"
He shook his head, "None. As if I just appeared."
She stayed silent for a moment. "I'm sorry," her voice was as soft as his own, "Sounds like a fucked up nightmare."
Steven snorted in agreement.
"At least you get some nice weather for a change."
A small laugh escaped his lips, it sounded almost strain as if he wasn't sure if he was going to start sobbing or not. "You've been to England?"
The stranger hummed, "I go where I am told."
Steven wasn't a fan of her answer, something about them made the hairs on his neck stick up.
The silence returned between them. The only noise coming from the distant laughter and chatter of the other visitors of the park.
"I think I'm tired," the woman said softly. The suddenness of her statement drawing his attention to her.
"Tired?" He didn't bother to hide his confusion.
He briefly caught another flash of pain on her face, he tried to hold his gaze before giving into the urge to glance away.
"Yeah, tired," she repeated, "of everything. Of all this-" she stopped herself suddenly, as if she knew she was tipping the conversation somewhere she did not want it to go.
"Imagine being able to feel everything," she said, "Every particle of matter and energy, of this universe and those beyond. The pressure that constantly weighs down on you, as if you are drowning in open air. As if moving your finger the wrong way could cause this entire park to go boom, leaving nothing but ash in its place. That you can feel the life of all these people that surround you, that if you clench your fist you can stop a heart or have them implode into visceral," her voice was shaky, stumbling over her words a few times. The stranger took a deep breath. "Maybe," she continued her voice becoming lighter, "you wiggle your nose and a flower sprouts, you blink and lightning strikes. Clap your hands and a forest grows in the driest of deserts."
Steven stayed silent, her words nearly suffocating him.
"Sounds like a very overwhelming sensation." His mind flashed back to those painful twitches, but he decided to stay silent on that topic.
"Yeah."
"You…you aren't going to…harm yourself right?" He spoke slowly, unsure if he even had the right to ask such a question.
The woman let out another laugh, though this one seemed more sorrowful.
"No," she replied, a certain bitterness held in her words, "Wouldn't do much."
He stared at her with wide eyes, his face paling.
"You're a good guy, a cute one too" she continued as if the admission she had just started meant nothing, "I would wager all of you are."
Steven's horror turned into confusion, a light blush gracing his face. "What?"
The stranger gave him an odd look before shaking her head, the wind catching the scent of her rose perfume and spreading it towards him.
"Nevermind. You'll understand eventually. Well most likely."
Steven merely gaped at her, feeling as if he should know what she was talking about but was lost in the dark.
"You hungry?" She questioned him, getting up from the bench and stretching, "Imma head to an IHOP if you want to join."
Steven stared at her for a moment, before standing up as well. He was starting to feel hungry.