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Will could only hear the sound of water splashing from the bin and the faint laughter of Mike and El as he watched them through the food window of the Surfer Boy’s Pizza kitchen. They look so.. happy. Like purely, genuinely happy.
He remembers when Mike used to laugh with him like that.
He remembers playing D&D in Mike’s basement and looking over at Mike cracking up because of a stupid move that Dustin made and he was pissed about it. He flipped them off, but all Will cared about was that big, dopey smile and the connection that he and Mike had through finding the situation funny. The way Mike looked at him made Will think that the other boy was truly content, like he didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.
Or at least, he hoped. Because he knew he felt that way himself.
Will knows that he should let go of those days. Hell, he and Mike got in a fight about it last year. But, he just can’t. He doesn’t like to think about it too hard because if he does, he has to accept that that was the last time he felt joy.
But that was before. Before monsters, alternate worlds, and Russian spies. Before what he’s pretty sure has to be the worst kidnapping experience a 12 year old could go through. And it all started with… her.
El. His … ‘sister’ of sorts. Don’t get him wrong, Will cares about El a lot, but to him, she’s just the girl that has lived with him for a year. So, not quite a sister.
Will knows El has been through so much. She’s had it arguably harder than he has, but that doesn’t stop the ebbing pit of rage that Will feels towards her. He knows he shouldn’t blame her for everything, but he thinks a part of him always will. And the saddest part is, as much as he wants that rage to be based on the fact that he was kidnapped by a monster in another dimension, that’s not it.
It’s because of Mike.
From the day that El arrived, it was so clear every thought that Mike had had El at the forefront of it. That’s just common knowledge, Will believes. Well, common knowledge for this small band of misfits.
Lucas and Dustin told him about when El first arrived, how pissed Lucas was that this strange girl was getting all of Mike’s attention when Will was still missing. (That was oddly touching to hear). Since then, El has been Mike’s entire world, even when he thought she was dead.
It just kind of really sucks that everything that has happened has brought Mike what seems to be the best thing that ever happened to him also brought Will a pit of trauma and despair.
And Mike doesn’t seem to care.
Will has always pretty much known this, but it became really clear when Mike came to visit. He barely said two words to Will, and the worst part was: It was Will’s birthday.
March 28th. Will’s birthday. Every year when they were kids, the gang would always do something fun for Will’s birthday because it usually fell on spring break and they could. Backyard camping in third grade, a D&D themed party in 5th, you name it. It was their thing.
But this year, Mike couldn’t even be bothered to remember, and the worst part is, Will let himself have hope that he would.
He spent months working on that damn painting. Months. And yea, he knows that giving a gift on your birthday isn’t generally how birthdays work. But Will’s birthday was their “thing” as kids, so he felt that is was appropriate enough.
He planned to give it to him in the airport. Heart pounding, he was determined to give him the present he worked so incredibly hard on. But then, Mike barely acknowledged that he was even there.
It really fucking hurt.
He knew that he and Mike had grown distant. He knew that he didn’t need to expect anything near the amount of letters that El got from him, but dammit. He just wanted something. Anything.
Anything for him to hold onto and feel even the slightest bit less hopeless and pathetic.
Will… realized some things over the year that he lived in Lenora Hills. It started when he couldn’t help but feel jealous that El was receiving letters in he wasn’t. He didn’t think much of it; he already knew that he felt like his friend didn’t care about him and that hurt, but he already knew that.
It was when he start to hear about the letters that things started to catapult into chaos.
In his head, anyways.
El started talking about her letters. Sometimes she would tell his mom about something particularly sweet and romantic that Mike said, or he would overhear occasional phone calls to Max where she would update her and tell her about how her and Mike were doing (although those calls did seem really one-sided).
That’s when he started to think about the details. He would compliment her hair, her eyes, her lips. Will couldn’t get them out of his head. They would especially pop in his head when he was watching a romantic scene in a movie or looking in the mirror. He had no idea why.
So, one day, he skipped first period and stayed behind to read one of them. He knew it was wrong. He knew it was a breach of El’s privacy, but he couldn’t care enough to not do it. He just, needed to know what they were like.
So, opened El’s desk drawer and grabbed one. He recognized Mike’s handwriting from helping him with homework. He sat down on the edge of El’s bed and started reading. Halfway through, he felt a small surge of panic when he saw a tear fall onto the paper.
Will didn’t even realize that he had started crying. He quickly put the letter back and high tailed it to school.
On his walk to school, he tried not to think about the fact that he started crying, but he couldn’t not think about it. He started thinking that maybe it’s because he’s jealous of their relationship. Yea. He’s always felt isolated and different because he didn’t have or really want what the others had with their girlfriend. So maybe this was like, a late start.
So, at school, he started thinking about girls. Kristen Greenberg seemed nice enough. She was in his algebra class, and she always lent him a pencil when he didn’t have one (which was pretty often). She was also very pretty. She was in drama club and always got the lead. And she was nice. He started thinking about her blonde hair, pin straight hair and her plump lips. He started to think about what it would be like to kiss them, but he felt.. nothing.
That night, Will couldn’t sleep. He just sat awake thinking about that letter. The things that Mike said were so pure and kind and unlike anything he had ever said to him. Will started thinking that he just wanted someone to say things like that to him. But then, that small, damning thought crawled into his brain.
He wanted Mike to say those things to him.
The thought made his heart begin to pound in his ears, and he suddenly became very hot. He sat up and threw the blanket off of him as his mind started racing with thoughts.
‘That can’t be true, why would that be true?’
‘Mike is your friend’
‘I just want him to be my friend’
‘I care about him a lot, but that’s it. It’s not like I-“
His brains stopped short.
There it was, the single statement that could push Will’s life into even more of a spiral than it already was.
He loved him.
He loved him.
At first, naturally, he tried everything to deny it. And when that didn’t work, he tried to just forget about it.
That didn’t work either.
So, eventually, Will began to accept that this is how he was. It was weird, unnatural, and he knew that nothing could ever, ever come of it, but at least it was something.
On the bright side, everything started to make since; why he was never interested in girls (as Mike so kindly put it. Honestly, he should have realized right there), why he always felt so … strange.
He started to think about other boys. He started looking at them as he walked down the hall at school. Subtly and quickly, of course. He definitely saw the appeal, but he didn’t want anything from any of them.
Not like he did from Mike.
This realization didn’t stop nights of endless crying and thoughts that wouldn’t leave him alone. He needed somewhere to put all of this emotion. So, he started the painting.
It was Will’s way of centering himself. He would come home and work on it, and he made his whole family swear that they would never look at it (he’s a hypocrite, he knows).
It made him feel better. A little bit, anyways.
Will had to talk himself into giving Mike the painting at the airport. Hell, he was nervous enough to see him already. It was the first time he was going to see his old friend since he realized, and he didn’t know how he was going to feel.
But he pushed through. Mike showed up and went straight for his hug with El. Will expected that. What he didn’t expect is that he wouldn’t get. Or even so much as a short conversation after a whole damn year.
It took everything in him not to throw away his painting that night.
Then, naturally, everything went to shit once again, and Will continued to carry around his painting hoping he would have the courage to give it to him. And that day came in the van.
Things were better between him and Mike. They had actually talked and it felt a little bit like they were actually friends again. And, guilty as he felt about it, he kind of liked that he was able to spend time with Mike without El around, even if all Mike could talk about was wishing he could’ve gone with her.
So, when they were in the van together, and Mike couldn’t stop worrying about El and their relationship, Will knew it was time.
He pulled out his painting with a small sigh and handed it over. His heart sped up slightly as Mike unrolled it.
He loved it. He actually loved it. Will finally gave Mike the painting, and Mike actually loved it. But he couldn’t focus on that. He needed Mike to know how truly special he was.
He wasn’t planning to blurt out that El commissioned his painting, but he couldn’t even say he was surprised. Disappointed a tad, but not surprised. As Will continued to rant, he started talking about how scary it is to be different, and he realized how similar him and El really were.
He felt like a mistake.
He already knew this, but saying it out loud broke something in him.
Mike would never, ever feel anywhere remotely close to the way he feels about him. All he could do was turn to the window and try his best to silence his sobs.
So now he stood next to his brother, stirring 600 pounds of salt into a bin for Mike’s super-powered girlfriend to fight a supervillian inside of their friend’s mind.
Why wouldn’t Mike love her?
Will felt extra guilty about his feelings when they got El back. El was genuinely happy to see him and gave him a big hug, and he was happy to see her too.
It was in that moment that she started to feel a bit more like his actual sister.
El deserved to be happy. She was kind, selfless, and had been through so much. Will just didn’t know why that had to be at his expense.
Will was watching on as they goofed around with the DIY goggles and laughed as they tried pineapple on pizza. In that moment, he would’ve given anything to be her. To have Mike laugh with him like that again. To have him care like he cares about her.
He tore his eyes away from them and looked down at the stick in his hands. A question from Jonathan broke him from his thoughts.
“Do you remember that time you told me you had a lego stuck up your nose?”
Will looked up, confused.
“What?”
“Yea! like it was like uh… construction guy” Jonathan stuck his hand out for emphasis. “You’d call him Larry.”
Will was confused. Where was this coming from? Jonathan continued.
“Oh, come on, you don’t remember? He had like the high viz jacket and the removable hat” Jonathan rambled, waving his hands around for further emphasis.
Will shook his head slightly, eyebrows scrunched.
“Yea” he replied questioningly.
“Vaguely.”
“Well” Jonathan replied as he continued stirring the water.
“I remember it like it was yesterday. Man I was, I was freaked cause, cause this.. Larry, I mean Larry was way, way up there.”
Will cracked a small smile, still confused but slightly amused as Jonathan continued animatedly.
“I-I don’t even know how you got him up that far up. I had to do surgery, I had to use tweezers to pull him out”
Will shook his head slightly.
“Bull” he replied.
Jonathan chuckled.
“No, no I swear on my life” he replied, smiling.
It was silent for a moment before Jonathan spoke again, looking down as his smile fed and voice got quieter as they continued stirring.
“I don’t know I just…” he trailed off before looking back up at his little brother.
“I feel like you used to come to me more for help”.
Will gave a little shrug, looking away. How could he possibly come to his big brother about all of this?
“Or just… just to talk, ya know?” Jonathan shrugged.
“Because like.. you don’t do that anymore, not like before.”
Will looked up at his brother. Before what, exactly?
“A lot of that is probably my fault” Jonathan continued.
“This past year… I know I’ve been distant”.
“Or… stoned” Will added, looking away.
“Or stoned” Jonathan agreed.
“Yea… that has nothing to do with you. That’s me dealing with my own shit. Hiding from my own problems” he shrugged. Will looked down.
“The truth is…” Jonathan continued, causing Will to look back up expectedly.
“I miss talking to you. Like, really miss it.”
Will took a deep breath. Could he really talk to his brother about this? He doesn’t think his brother knows quite what Will has in mind. What if he’s.. disgusted?
“And right now…” Jonathan continued, grabbing Will’s attention
“We need to talk more than ever.”
Will started to realize that his brother may be right. Anything could happen to any of them at any time. What if never gets the chance to tell his brother who he really is? Would he ever be brave enough to? Does he even want to?
“Because things are just getting more complicated” Jonathan said.
Understatement of the century in Will’s opinion.
“A lot more complicated than legos up the nose, you know?” Will cracked a smile at this and shook his head.
“I just… I don’t want you to forget that I’m here, and I’ll always be here.” Will’s breath hitched at this.
Did he know? How could he possibly know? Was it what he said in the van? Did it give him away? Oh shit, does Mike know?!
“… No matter what. Because you’re my brother, and I love you” Jonathan said sincerely.
Will felt tears begin to prick at his eyes. Could just brother really still love him even he knew that he was such an… abomination?
“And there is nothing in this world, okay? Absolutely nothing that will ever change that.”
Oh shit, he did know. That’s what this talk is for. Will felt his breath quicken further and tears threatening to fall down his cheeks as he responded in a quivering voice.
“Yea… yea. A-and I’m always… here for you too” he replied, trying his very best to contain his tears.
“I know you are” Johnathan replied, pulling him into a hug.
That was it. That broke him. Will began sobbing in Jonathan’s arms, hoping to god that none of the others walked in. He just wanted to feel loved and accepted and like he mattered, and his brother saying those words to him gave him a small spark of those feelings that was simply too much to take.
He still wasn’t completely sure if his brother knew the truth. Like, really knew. So, Will made a decision. He knew that if he was wrong, this feeling would be ripped away, but if he was right, he got to hold onto it forever. And that seemed worth it.
“Jonathan I-“ Will started, pulling away from the hug. He looked up to find his brother’s eyes staring at him with patience and concern. He remained silent, so Will continued.
“The painting… El didn’t-“ Fuck, he couldn’t do this.
“She didn’t-“ his big brother finished for him.
“El didn’t commission the painting for Mike”
Will looked up at him through clouded, teary eyes.
“How… how did you-“
“You made the whole family swear not to even think about coming near it, dumbass” Jonathan smirked. Will gave a watery smile back. Oh yea.
Will was silent for a moment, so Jonathan spoke up.
“You know… it’s okay that you made the painting for Mike. You guys are friends, so I hope you know that.”
Will looked up at Jonathan with worry. Did he not know? Should Will use this as a scapegoat and leave it be? Would his brother even believe that he was crying over that?”
(Well, maybe. He knows he tends to be on the emotional side)
“Will” Jonathan started, grabbing Will’s attention.
“I.. I saw you crying in the van.”
Fuck. There it was. He couldn’t deny it. His big brother what a gross, disgusting, unnatural-
“And whatever thoughts you are thinking about yourself, I need you to stop” Jonathan said earnestly, putting his hand on Will’s shoulder.
This caught Will by surprise. Did El give him some powers or something?
“I heard you call yourself a mistake”
Oh.
Will looked away, not really sure of how he felt. Fear, shame, relief maybe? He had no clue.
“I… I didn’t I, that was about El, I- I don’t-“ he attempted to refute his brother’s accusations pretty pathetically.
“Will… I need you to look at me when I tell you this, okay?” Reluctantly, Will did what he was asked.
“You are not a mistake. You made it pretty obvious that you weren’t just talking about El, okay?“ Will only nodded, still crying. How could he deny it now?
“You are the kindest, coolest, most creative kid I’ve ever met. You deserve so many good things, especially after all the bullshit you’ve gone through” Jonathan continued. Will stayed silent, eyes adrift.
Jonathan sighed.
“I meant what I said, man. You’re my brother, and I love you.” Jonathan’s hand was still on Will’s shoulder.
“I- I love you too” Will replied, eyes glued to the floor.
“And…”
Here goes nothing.
“I love him too”
Will said, eyes screwed shut and shoulders tense as if a bomb was about to go off.
(Hell, with the way their lives were going, it very well could.)
He knew he didn’t have to say who. They both knew who.
Silence. Ten seconds of silence filled by thoughts that were racing inside Will’s head at a million miles an hour as he watched his tears fall to the floor.
What’s going to happen?
Will he be disgusted? Offended?
What if he’s like me? He does hangout with Argyle a lot.
Wait, Nancy. Scratch that.
Is he going to yell at me, hit me, throw me a party?
Will’s thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of him being pulled into another hug.
The sobs overcame Will once again as his brother squeezed tight.
“I know, buddy” he said softly.
“I know”.
All he could do was cry. Could he ever be happy, normal? Hell, would any of them ever be normal? He just knows the others have a much better chance. (Well, maybe besides Eleven).
They pulled away after a few minutes and Jonathan repeated his previous words as he held his brother’s shoulders in a tight grip.
“No matter what” he gave a small smile. Will smiled back.
There it is, that small spark of joy that was slowly growing into a flame. He looked back out at El trying to shove pizza down Mike’s shirt and Mike laughing profusely. Maybe he wouldn’t have that, and he can’t say that he doesn’t feel unnatural or gross. But with his brother having his back, it gave him a small sliver of hope.