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Hunter had always had those moments where everything got fuzzy.
Most of the time not completely, instead just a little blurred around the edges, like a fog.
Normally it was only when he was trying to sleep, aiding him in shutting off his thoughts and anxieties just enough to be able to finally fall into a mostly dreamless sleep.
Though that didn't mean it happened exclusively then. sometimes it wasn’t when he was already in bed trying to sleep. Sometimes it was just the moment he got back to his room for the night, resisting the urge to chew on his gloves or his shirt, and emotions so full.
Sometimes they were bad emotions that left him desperately trying to hold back his tears even though it was always a useless venture in the end. but sometimes it was just emotions in general, making everything feel softer and making him giggle at everything as he read stories to himself, kicking his legs back and forth behind him cheerfully.
And sometimes it happened outside of his room, during the walk back from a particularly stressful mission, or after he failed and was walking back from belos. everything just slipping . and him always trying his best to get to his room in the castle a little faster, especially if he had been on a mission with people and they were around him, even when sometimes he didn't really care about going back, let alone faster. because he does care, he cares so much and he can't let them see him weak.
When he got flapjack it started happening with a higher frequency, him coming back and throwing himself onto the bed and haphazardly grabbing his stuffed animal from his pillow and stuffing it against his chest as he curled up, flapjack always chirping for a minute saying hello before settling between his neck and his shoulder comfortably.
It had started happening so frequently that he had even left a small hideout under his bed facing the opposing side of wall from the door, that way it wasn't immediately visible. because even though he knew logically it was the first place anyone would look, and it wasn’t really well hidden anyway. When the haze enveloped him it made him feel safe and giddy at the idea of being hidden. He felt happy as he read books to flapjack, and especially so as eventually they began making their own little stories together.
And then he got stuck in his uncles- the emperor's mind.
Then he got his entire worldview tossed aside as casually as a pebble on the sidewalk.
Then he discovered the rest of the golden guards.
All lined up like their deaths were trophies, not trophies Belos cared about but trophies nonetheless.
He was the one who looked most like him.
Then, there was belos.
Then he was underground.
It wasn’t quite like reality, everything was more just dark than solid ground. but he could still feel the dirt in his lungs as he desperately clawed out only to get nowhere. and with a desperation so deep in his bones he had no control of it, he tried to blindly grab one of the glyphs from Luz’s jacket hoping, pleading it would work.
He didn’t want to die.
And then he was out, the ground still burning in his throat, but he was alive, and the human was in danger.
Then they got out.
And he ran, ran as far as he could for as long as he could, before ducking behind a tree and sobbing.
He almost wished the haze would’ve taken over because everything felt so crisp and it hurt and he couldn’t stand to think about anything he’d seen but he was still in danger.
And then the owl lady had come after him, calming him down enough to breathe and slowly coaxing him back to the house.
And there he’d stayed.
He didn’t know why, not completely. He wanted to. He wanted an answer. but all he knew was anytime he so much as thought of leaving it made him feel sick, even though he knew it wasn’t safe there, not completely. no matter how much the owl lady told him so, because the owl house was the first place the emperor would look.
But he stayed, at first on the couches with pretty much everyone, no one wanting anyone out of view of themselves. Luz cuddled up to the owl lady’s side with the dog- king? in her lap, as Hunter was left with the other greener couch to actually try and lay down. Then he had been in a newly mostly-emptied closet, and it was small but it was his and they barely ever stepped foot in it without knocking first, the only ones who did was king and Luz and he could live with them, the rat was weirdly endearing, and Luz, while sometimes a little annoying, or a lot depending on her mood. he didn’t mind.
He liked being there.
And after barely a week he believed Eda when she said it was safe, the adrenaline that had been fluctuating but still ever-present finally leaving him as the haze came back.
And sometimes he liked the haze, everything was soft and it helped Hunter cope with stress, like a cushion between him and the world. but sometimes he didn’t, like when he wasn’t in his room or when he noticed how small it made him feel.
But he didn’t know how to feel about it right now. Because he was sure it wasn’t good, if they saw him they would think he was a baby.
And that wasn’t good.
But he liked feeling small and it was late so no one would even be awake and if anyone was it would only be hooty and hooty hadn't been allowed in his room, or near him, so it was a perfect plan.
But he didn’t have any of his books with him, he repressed a childish whine at the realization. Sure he’d been offered plenty of books by Miss Eda but they weren’t his, they were all things about things he liked learning about or that weird book Luz had said he should read (something about the witch Azura? Who was that?) but they weren’t his books like the copy of Otabin the bookmaker he smuggled out of the contraband in the comformatoriom.
An imperfect plan.
And he couldn’t ask king for one of his books because he would ask why and even if Hunter didn’t tell him he’d probably tease him, not meanly, but Hunter still wanted to avoid that at all costs.
He doesn’t even try to repress a whine at that, the realization hitting him once again that he doesn’t have anything.
Everything he’s ever had in his life is gone. his books, his stuffy, his blankets and pillows, the scroll Darius gave him. and that one potion he had brought into his room before forgetting what it did and just leaving it there.
His uncle was gone.
And he was more mad than sad, because his uncle was mean , and he’d been tricked for so long, and his uncle hurt people, but even if he was more mad he still couldn’t repress the slight shaking of his form as tears filled his eyes because he’d never been good at controlling his expression especially when he felt all fuzzy.
And because even more than mad, he was lonely. He didn’t have his stuff anymore. He didn’t have Raine or Darius or Eber anymore, because even though they didn’t know he got like this they still helped a lot. but now if they saw him they’d be really scary, and they’d force him to go back and then his uncle would-
The only thing he had left was flapjack.
It’s not fair, he tried to be good, he tried to make his uncle proud but he never was. and then he’d-
It wasn’t fair Hunter was alone.
He struggled against the urge to let out a small sob.
He didn’t wanna be alone.
He had flapjack, he knew that. but flapjack couldn’t hug him or comfort him from nightmares no matter how hard he tried, he was comforting a lot of times sure.
But he wanted attention.
And Flapjack was tired anyway, going between quick naps and just nesting. and he’d been busy worrying over him the whole week so Hunter wasn’t gonna do anything more to tire the bird. and he couldn’t make stories by himself and he didn’t have any stories to read.
And he was bored , and lonely, but the bored he could do something about.
So with his mind made up and not thinking of any reason why not he did his best to be as quiet as possible as he exited the room- having to pause for a minute as flapjack noticed and chirped a little before quickly flying over to him and resting on his head- and then headed downstairs.
Because he knew they had books down there and if he was really quiet he could play and read and then he could clean up and go to bed, again. This time hopefully being able to actually fall asleep without the constant nightmares and shadows with just a little bit too much shape biting at him throughout the night.
And he just hoped they had the good books in the living room, and not in their individual rooms. because that would mean waking people up and that would be bad because they would know.
And he didn’t want that, and he’d remember why in the morning.
He marched over to the small bookshelf before carefully crouching down to see the titles and avoid jostling flapjack, pausing a minute at the strain on his legs before happily sitting criss-cross applesauce in front of it as he continued viewing the wide array of books.
Something something potions. something about giraffes. a couple of things that he couldn’t figure out what they said which made him huff in irritation before continuing. quack eats snacks, no, he wasn’t a baby.
Don’t let the pigeon drive the bus
What was a bus?
Or a pigeon?
Didn’t matter, it seemed good. so he greedily grabbed it before hopping up- receiving a small chirp in response- and giddily sitting down on the couch, excited with this new book that he’d never read before, that looked like it wasn’t all information-y and text book-y like the others.
He pushed himself against the couch arm and settled the book on his legs, opening it up eagerly.
“Who’s- kid?”
He tensed, his heart racing in an instant. He drew his knees to his chest quickly and just hoped it hid the book well enough, before guiltily turning his head to meet the owl lady’s eyes.
“Hi miss owl lady” he greeted sheepishly raising one hand in a little wave.
Eda furrowed her brows before huffing a soft breath and waving back slowly, “Hey kid, what’s going on?” She asked, making the move to walk forward and lean her arms on the back of the couch casually.
Hunter didn’t know if he was about to be in trouble or not so he just shrugged doing his best to hide his face in his shoulders, because he didn’t wanna get in trouble , and he was never great at hiding his expressions.
Eda hummed “‘don’t know?” Hunter shrugged again, and Eda chuckled “alright bug, but I can’t help if I don’t know what I’m dealing with,”
“‘It's okay ‘m all okay” he promised with a serious nod, receiving a small disgruntled Tweat in return as flapjack got unlodged and decided to move to his shoulder to get a better look at everything rather than just the birds nest he’d made of his boy’s hair.
The owl lady seemed confused and unsatisfied with that answer, which was dumb, because he was okay, at least for the night.
But still, she settled easily on her own, “alright kid, then can I sit with you for a little bit?”
His mood dampened a little before he realized that maybe she wanted to read the book too and he instantly brightened and nodded fervently.
Eda smiled before casually swooping around the couch and settling down on the other side.
He hesitated before scooching a little closer and carefully unhiding the terribly-hidden book, offering a small “‘Anna read wi’h me?”
He was ecstatic to see after a minute of careful consideration- he was pretty sure that’s what it was at least, she nodded.
She took another look at the book, and then at him, before huffing an airy chuckle “that used to be one of King’s favorites too, heck I practically have it memorized” she laughed lightheartedly, before making a small show of having an idea “how about this kid, why don’t I read it to you?”
Hunter paused, repressing the instant yes that wanted to be voiced, because why would she do that? She didn’t need to, what did she have to gain?
“Why?” He asked simply after a minute.
The owl lady just shrugged easily “oh it’s just been a while, I kinda…missed it- don’t tell the little tyrant that though. So I figured why not?” She smiled before continuing “how about it?”
He was still a little hesitant but it didn’t sound like a trap- mutual benefit something something, and the owl lady hadn’t tricked him at all so far, so maybe she was safe.
Yeah she was safe, he decided.
Hunter nodded and carefully held out the book for her to take.
The moment she took the book- settling a little more before opening it up- he was giddy, he'd never been read to before.
Then the owl lady paused and opened one of her arms closest to him, offering a small “come ‘ere squirt” as the only explanation.
And he didn’t even hesitate, once again disturbing flapjack from his trying to sleep as he catapulted himself into the owl lady’s side happily before focusing on the book, blissfully unaware of the owl lady making a mental note to adopt him later.
Flapjack complained about the constant movement before settling on his head again.
Hunter giggled “sorry ‘lapjack” he said, not at all apologetic as he settled further into the witch’s side.
Eda huffed a laugh before getting to the actual first page, the soft sound of paper rustling filling the quiet night for that moment before she moved it to be in perfect view of Hunter.
“..hi I’m the bus driver”
And Hunter was instantly hooked, his gloved hand coming up to his mouth as he started chewing on the fabric absentmindedly, eyes bright and immediately a little heavier.
He listened to the story intently, Eda didn’t do voices necessarily, but she did still make it so fun and he was still giggly as she read.
Eventually though, even though it was a considerably short book he was still sagging into Eda by the time it finished, trying not to let his eyes droop and trying not to let her notice.
He must’ve not been very convincing though because soon after the book was finished and haphazardly stuck on the clawfee-table Eda was putting a light arm around him.
“Come on kid, why don’t we get you to bed now? You must be getting tired” she said, already getting up.
Hunter whined a little but when a yawn left him and he looked up to see the owl lady’s not-quite smug look he sighed melodramatically before getting up too.
He was kinda tired.
Unfair.
He still pouted as he was walked back to his room, even as he rubbed his eyes and yawned again, thoroughly proving the owl lady’s point.
Still unfair, he didn’t wanna go to bed.
Regardless of his feelings, however, the moment they were at his room and his door opened he practically instantly fell onto his makeshift bed, his eyes dropping and the weight of being awake crashing onto his body in an instant. flapjack soundlessly flying back to his perch for the moment.
“Titan I got to get you kids mattresses” he heard along with a small chuckle from behind him.
He blinked up at her and she just smiled, “come on kid, let’s get you properly tucked in” she said motioning for him to move off of his top blanket.
He shook his head immediately.
He was tired now and she had to deal with it.
He repressed laughter at that before looking at her again, the owl lady was definitely more amused than anything, so he didn't worry too much about making her mad.
“Alright brat, why don’t I make you a nest then?”
He knew she was probably joking because who would sleep in a nest? But he still nodded insistently, sitting up with a big toothy grin.
The owl lady huffed a laugh before motioning for him to stay there as she walked out of the door.
He did, reluctantly, but staying there didn’t stop him from rocking excitedly at the idea he could be in a big comfy nest.
He’d match flapjack!
Flapjack made nests everywhere, now he’d have one of his own.
He let out an audible gasp of delight as the owl lady came back into the room with her arms stacked high with blankets and some extra pillows.
He happily helped as she set the blankets down, though she was definitely more experienced in making nests because she was so good at it.
So good that by the time they were done everything was perfectly in its place and nothing was uncomfortably lumping up and everything was warm.
Hunter giggled as he was finally gently pushed over into the nest and a final blanket was placed over him.
“Goodnight kid,” Eda said finally, after Hunter had all-but melted into the mess of pillows and blankets “feel free to bring me another book if you ever want me to read to you again. now, sleep well little rapscallion” she laughed, leaning down to ruffle his hair before the hand retracted and the door clicked shut.
He heard flapjack come back finally, assuming he wouldn’t move again and taking up his usual spot between his shoulder and neck.
“‘Night” he whispered back to the quiet room.
Yeah, sometimes he liked the haze.
Everything was soft.
Later, much later. he would take the owl lady up on her offer, a book he borrowed from king in hand, as well as king. and she would read to them, Luz joining them soon enough.
And he would discover she had her own nest.