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Being at war with the world for so long, it is easy to lose oneself. Oftentimes, Maki forgets that she’s only eighteen and in the midst of her third year of high school. She feels much older than that. Having seen and dealt with enough shit for three lifetimes, she supposes it’s a natural consequence.
Panda has no issue with reminding everyone of their true age and demanding that they act like it. Like “normal kids for once”.
Hence, this impromptu summer beach vacation.
Maki has no idea if this is what “normal” people their age do, but she doesn’t hate it. They rented a house directly on the beachfront, a small two-story family home with a wide, white back porch that lifts above the sand and overlooks the sea. It’s a gorgeous view. Only two bedrooms, but Panda insisted he doesn’t mind sleeping on the pullout couch so that Toge and Yuuta can have one bedroom, while Maki takes the other.
It’s been nearly a week. A week of sleeping in, doing whatever the hell they want, and pretending the warring world outside their beach house doesn’t exist. And somehow, it is already the last night.
“Which is why we have to make it a night to remember,” is what Panda said earlier as he dug into his black duffel bag and held up a huge case of beer and a bottle of expensive-looking sake. And when Yuuta casually reminded him that they are all still two years away from the legal age, Panda just scoffed. “If we’re old enough to be weaponized, manipulated, and die fighting curses,” he said, “then I think we’re old enough to have a drink.”
Unsurprisingly, none of them found room to argue with that.
Which is how they ended up like this. Lounging on the back porch, drinking, binge eating snacks, and listening to the gentle roll of the ocean water. The case of beer is on the floor, torn into with haphazard claws, while crushed cans and empty chip bags litter their foot space. It's like a nest of garbage.
On cue, Panda chugs another beer before crushing it between his thumb and forefinger like a grape and belching. He tosses the can to the ground, adding to his collection, before digging another out of the box as he sings what Maki thinks is supposed to be that new song by Takada. Since Panda is tone-deaf, it's hard to tell.
Toge doesn't seem to mind at all, as he scrolls on his phone with part of a shrimp chip dangling out of his mouth. He pauses when Panda shoves a beer in his face, putting his phone aside to take the fresh can. Bracing it against his right palm, he pops the tab with his thumb like an expert – like he's been right handed his whole life. The two exchange celebratory grins and knock cans before drinking.
Maki wrinkles her nose.
Beer, as she has discovered, is not something she enjoys. The taste is too stagnant and bland for her tongue. Yuuta apparently doesn’t care for it either, so they have been working through the red bottle of sake. Panda didn’t have enough foresight to bring cups for them to drink out of, however, so they have been sipping straight from the bottle.
Her mother is probably rolling in her grave, Maki thinks with a smug chuckle as she lifts it to her lips again.
Sweet, clean, it burns her throat just the right amount as it goes down.
Panda flops to the ground with a grunt, popping open the tab of his next beer. “You two’re lookin’ real cozy,” he slurs like his tongue is catching on his sharp teeth. Grinning, beady eyes full of fever, he glances at the arms-width space between Maki and Yuuta. “What’s with that vibe?”
Maki scoffs. “What vibe?”
Yuuta just smiles and takes the bottle of sake from her. When he takes a small sip, Panda’s eyes spark.
“That vibe. Swappin’ spit right in front of us.” His tone is high-pitched and full of his usual menace. “You seein’ this, Toge?”
Toge doesn't look up from his phone. “Shake.”
“We’re not swapping spit.” Maki scowls. “Somebody just forgot to bring sake cups.”
“A likely story,” Panda drawls, squinting at them. “You’re just lookin’ for an excuse to be all over each other. Like you guys don't already flirt every chance you get.”
Heat floods Maki’s face and she levels a stare at her friend who, apparently, has a death wish. “We’re not flirting.”
He snorts, tossing back another can in a single go. He burps again when he finishes and crushes the can before adding it to his pile and reaching for another. More than half the case is empty now and Maki can smell the beer on his breath from six feet away.
Panda levels them with a knowing look. “Then how come Yuuta’s been starin' at you the whole time we’ve been out here, hm?”
“Sujiko,” Toge muses, setting his phone down to take a sip from his own beer.
Yuuta chokes like he’s swallowed his tongue. His face flushes red enough to rival the sunburn he got earlier in the week and he splutters, scrambling for some sort of excuse. He can't find any.
Because Panda is right – Yuuta has been watching her the whole time they have been out on the porch. And only when he thinks she isn't looking. After nearly three years, she knows the weight of his gaze like a familiar caress. She's all too aware of how he looks at her and up until this point, she was under the impression that she was the only one who knew.
How stupid of her.
“Think we’re blind?” Panda continues teasing.
Yuuta clears his throat and glances at Maki, sunken eyes round and begging for understanding.
Maki feels the heat crawl down her neck, making the smooth patches of her skin itch. “Shut up,” she grumbles. She snatches the bottle back from Yuuta and takes another swig.
Panda dissolves into loud, obnoxious laughter. Her glare does nothing to smite his humor at their discomfort. Only fans it further until he falls to his side, clutching his ribs. He accidentally spills half his drink on himself in the process and promptly sits back up.
Toge at least has the grace to try and hide his smile as he goes back to his phone.
“Vacation or not, I will pummel you into the ground,” Maki promises, narrowing her eye.
She made sure to pack her broadsword and a staff. Just in case.
Panda finally winds down to a mild chuckle, smoothing the white fur along his stomach as he tries to clean himself. It only rubs the beer in and his muzzle wrinkles. “Okay, okay, fine,” he slurs, waving off her look of murder. “If y’guys wanna keep flirting then I’m gonna go down to the water. Get the beer outta my fur.” With a groan, he lumbers upright, swaying like a top-heavy tree. Panda shakes his head and steadies himself. “Y’comin’, Toge?”
Toge takes one look at Panda and sighs. “Takana.” There's a pink glow to his cheeks, but he’s stable when he stands and pockets his phone.
Panda is all but incapacitated, incapable of walking in a straight line without stumbling over his massive paws. Maki lost count of how many beers he demolished, but her estimate is somewhere close to twelve. While Toge certainly isn't sober either, he is much better off than Panda. And someone needs to make sure the big lug doesn't accidentally trip and drown himself. If cursed corpses can even drown in the first place.
Toge gives Maki and Yuuta a quick nod, as if to convey this.
Panda is already climbing over the railing of the porch, losing his balance and flopping onto the sand a few feet below. He lands hard on his stomach with a grunt.
“M’fine!” he calls up to the rest of them.
Toge sighs and kicks off his sandals before carefully navigating the wooden stairs to their right and locating Panda’s prone form on the sand below. He helps their friend up before Panda shrugs him off and stumbles toward the shoreline. Toge follows at a safe distance, hand in his pocket. Together, the pair amble onto the strand until water rolls over their feet. After staring out at the sunset, glowing across the horizon, Panda throws both arms up and shouts something unintelligible before charging into the ocean.
Toge shakes his head but follows him anyway, until the gentle waves soak his bare calves.
Maki watches them from the porch and pinches the bridge of her nose in hopes of staunching the headache blooming in her temples. The setting sun has painted the sky a rainbow of hues between orange and pink, reflecting off the calm water. It makes the features of their friends difficult to discern from a distance, but she can see all she needs to in Panda’s splashing and swatting as he tries to convince Toge to play with him.
Like they're a couple of kids again.
Exhaling, she leans back onto her left hand and lifts the sake bottle to her lips with the other. Still sweet with a little bite, but she likes it better than the bland flavor of beer. After a hearty swallow that makes her throat warm, she glances to her left and offers the bottle to Yuuta.
His grey eyes shine in the golden light of the sunset.
When he takes the bottle, his fingers linger against hers just a little longer than usual. Their touch gentle. Yuuta takes a small sip, wincing as he swallows, and turns his gaze back out to the horizon.
Maki follows his line of sight.
Toge finally gives in and shoves a wall of water at Panda, catching him in the face. Panda splutters, slips, and topples backwards. Toge's laughter is clear and loud enough to fill their ears even from a distance.
A chuckle builds in Yuuta’s throat as he watches them.
The sound makes something in Maki’s chest flutter, a strange feeling that leaves her blinking. She watches his profile and savors the feeling. Studying the flush of his skin, the slope of his nose, the strength of his jaw. A light breeze rolls along the beachfront, bringing with it the smell of saltwater, and ruffles his hair. He leans into it with an easy grin.
Not for the first time, she's reminded of how pretty he is.
Maki turns back to the ocean and closes her left eye, soaking in the moment. The sounds of the waves and their friends’ laughter; the smell of Yuuta's natural scent and soap in her nose; the warmth of the sake turning her muscles soft. Something grazes the pinky of her left hand before slowly sliding over it. Maki breathes deeply and lets him, committing everything to memory. This small bubble of peace.
“I’m in love with you, you know,” Yuuta murmurs.
And the bubble pops.
Maki’s eye snaps open and she whips her head to the side to stare at him. Yuuta continues to watch Panda and Toge splash around in the ocean, still grinning, as if he didn't just rip open a wormhole beneath her feet. For what feels like an eternity, words elude her. She's left to gawk at him while her brain scrambles to come up with some sort of response.
Yuuta seems to be in no hurry for it. His pinky never moves, resting over top of her own.
She can't call him a liar. Because she knows he isn't. Yuuta is honest to a fault, a trait she's come to truly admire and, sometimes, despise. He means what he says. And even if his integrity were in doubt, she has witnessed the depths of his feelings, experienced them, firsthand. He has always treated her as someone worthy of respect, recognized her strength, shown her patience and care that most others cannot. He hasn't exactly been subtle.
Together, they have toed that line between friendship and something more for nearly two years. Waiting for someone to do something about it.
Apparently, he has decided to take that first step over the line. A leap, really.
But only under the duress of the sake.
The tattered mess of her heart, still regrowing each day, squeezes.
“I… You…” Maki swallows. Without thinking, she snatches the mostly-empty sake bottle from him and moves her pinky. “Tell me that when you're sober.”
Yuuta finally looks at her, a line in his brow and lips pulled into a frown. His pinky curls into the white wood of the porch. “You don't believe me?”
“No,” she mumbles into the lip of the bottle and pretends that her ears aren't burning. “You're drunk. I want you to say it properly.”
His frown deepens. Then he sighs. “You're right.”
It’s not like she has much room to talk – she’s drunk too. Maki can feel her brain starting to fog over and the sudden heaviness in her limbs. Her fingertips tingle when she lifts the bottle and downs the remaining sake. Being drunk is not exactly unpleasant, but it is strange.
Next to her, Yuuta stretches his arms above his head with a deep groan. He pushes himself to his feet and immediately lurches forward, catching himself on the porch railing with a startled gasp.
Maki is on her feet in a flash, grabbing his bicep to make sure he doesn’t topple over the edge like Panda. The sharp movement makes her head spin and she swallows past the sudden bout of dizziness.
Yuuta leans his full bodyweight against her, clutching her hand for support.
“What are you doing?”
“Just a little tired,” he murmurs, eyes sunken and heavy. “Was gonna go to bed. But the ground started moving.”
He sways again and Maki thrusts her shoulder under his armpit, fits her arm around his waist to keep him standing. He’s heavier than he looks. Though it is far from a challenge for her. In the past few years, Yuuta has packed on muscle and filled out his lean form. With him pressed against her like this, it is nearly impossible for Maki to ignore. His abdomen flexes under her hand and she forces herself to concentrate on his face.
“How are you more drunk than I am? You only had three sips, max,” she says.
“Guess I’m not a good drinker.” Yuuta’s laugh is soft.
“A Special Grade, done in by a few drops of alcohol. Kinda pitiful.”
He laughs again and the sound goes right to the hole of her heart, making it seize. They are close enough in height that when his head lolls to the side, it rests against hers. Maki turns her face, ready to snark at him again to hear him laugh one more time, and freezes when her nose brushes his.
Eyes, the color of the sea before a storm, watch her from behind a surprisingly thick fan of lashes.
Their mouths are separated by the thinnest layer of air. When Maki’s lips part, they almost touch his. A phantom kiss.
And for a moment, the world stops. The beach fades, their friends disappear, everything melts into background noise as Maki lets herself get lost in a grey ocean. Something warm touches her cheek and, distantly, she realizes it is his knuckles stroking over the ruined skin of her face. Yuuta exhales, breath tinted with the sweet of their liquor, and she feels it like a fist in her stomach.
This magnetism between them has always been there. She is not a stranger to it. However, and it could be an effect of the sake, it feels so much stronger than she can ever recall. Pulling away from him seems impossible; just the thought of doing so creates a violent storm of emotion inside her.
No, pulling away is not an option anymore. She has to close the distance. She has to taste him for herself and see if he's anything like she's imagined.
Maki’s eye flicks down to his lips and her chin lifts.
“Get a room!”
The deep timbre of Panda’s shout is enough to shock Maki out of the stupor. She nearly jumps out of her skin, smacking her forehead against Yuuta’s in the process.
He yelps, both hands flinging up to clutch his head. Maki hisses and rips her hand off his waist to rub the knot forming on her forehead. Yuuta collapses, falling to the ground without her support.
Panda’s raucous laughter carries over the sound of the waves and the distance. “That looks like it hurt!”
Maki spins around and squints against the sunset at the two familiar figures still knee deep in the water. She flips them off. “I say we let them drown,” she mutters to Yuuta.
“Yeah,” he groans, “I think I’m okay with that.”
Panda shouts something else but they ignore him. Maki extends her hand to Yuuta and helps him off the porch floor. He rubs his forehead one more time before revealing a noticeable red bump. Maki only refrains from snorting as she knows she is wearing a matching one. It throbs, the beginning of a new headache.
“Can you walk?” she asks.
Yuuta nods, shuffling toward the door. He only makes it a few steps before stumbling and Maki grabs his arm again. He grabs her right back and lets her take over, lets her lead him through the door and into the house with that big, easy smile of his. Like he’s content just holding onto her like this.
Maki slides the door shut and, after a moment of deliberation, flips the lock.
Panda and Toge will figure it out.
Yuuta snorts with laughter. He sags against the strong line of her body and allows her to continue leading him all the way up the stairs and to the bedrooms. Instead of going into the first door, however, she pulls him into the second one. Her room for the week.
If he notices, he doesn’t say anything.
Once he sees the bed, Yuuta shifts his weight and releases Maki’s forearm to climb onto the mattress. He settles on his side with a content sigh. One arm bent underneath his head like a pillow, the other resting on the empty space where she would make herself comfortable.
If her brain wasn’t fuzzy, Maki would complain about him wearing his dirty clothes in her bed. But, she finds that she doesn’t really care as she copies him. Crawling into that empty space next to him, still wearing her long gym shorts and tank top.
Golden light from the dying sunset pours through her window, warming her bedroom. A little too bright, a testament that the day has not quite ended. Yet, it doesn’t stop the lethargy from seeping into their bones as Yuuta blinks slow, sleepy eyes at her. He looks like he might just fall asleep any second. And Maki, swallowing a yawn, can't deny that she probably will too.
This is not the first time they have shared a bed. They have shared quarters like this on a few long-distance missions, when the school couldn't be bothered to cough up the funds for separate rooms. Those times were different, though. In those times, they would lay back-to-back, turned in opposite directions, and ignore each other so hard they would wind up staying awake all night. Facing each other like this, with enough light to watch every emotion streak across their faces, is new and strange and –
Intimate.
And oddly, Maki doesn't feel the need to pretend or ignore his presence. The intimacy, which she is admittedly not accustomed to, doesn't set off the warning bells in her head like it normally does. It could just be the effects of the sake, she reasons blearily, but…
That fluttering sensation is back in Maki’s chest and her hand fists in her shirt. Yuuta’s lips spread in a smile, like he knows.
Instead of saying anything, his eyes fall shut. He inhales deeply once. And then his chest begins to rise and fall in a shallow rhythm, signaling his descent into sleep. He makes it look all too easy.
On bad nights, it can take her hours to surrender to her dreams.
Tonight is far from bad, however. Yuuta’s familiar scent fills her nose with every inhale – clean linens and soap and sweet sake – and with each breath, she feels her body start to give in. Little by little, until it hurts to keep her left eye open. The sound of his breathing should have her on edge, but instead she finds herself falling into the steady cadence and sinking into the feel of his body beside hers. His presence is like a soft, warm blanket on a chilly, rainy evening.
Safe.
And she must fall asleep soon afterward. Because the next thing she knows, she is stirring awake to knuckles on her cheek again.
Maki’s chest squeezes, muscles in every limb tensing, until she remembers.
Yuuta. Drinking sake. Leading him into her bedroom.
Maki’s left eye peels open, squinting against the too-bright daylight. She grimaces at the little throb at the base of her skull and the cottony feel of her tongue in her mouth like she's gone a week without water. It’s annoying, but not painful.
Once her eye has adjusted, she makes out familiar a familiar grey stare. Yuuta smiles when he realizes she’s awake, rubbing his knuckles against her cheek.
“I meant it,” is the first thing he says.
His voice is husky. Whether it is from sleep, or from the sake last night, Maki isn’t sure. But it does funny things to her stomach. As does his confession.
She swallows. “I know.”
“You know?” His brows furrow.
“Panda’s right. You stare a lot.”
“Huh.” Yuuta mulls over this information, blinking. When he looks at her again, it's with a certain amount of hesitance. His throat bobs and his eyes flash with insecurity. “So…you’re okay with it?”
Maki cocks her head against the pillow. “Are you asking for my permission?”
“...I guess I am.”
“Permission granted, then,” she murmurs.
She watches as the realization sinks in, his grey eyes glowing from the inside. A strange noise, something between a snort and a laugh, erupts from him. Like he didn't plan on getting this far and might dissolve into uncertain panic the longer he stares, convincing himself this is reality and not a very realistic illusion. The hand on her cheek twitches, a sign he’s not sure what to do next.
Maki takes the first step this time.
Leaning in, she slots her mouth over his like she has so often thought of doing. Open-mouthed, clumsy, and soft. Their teeth catch at first but neither can find cause to pull away. Suddenly, his hand is cradling her jaw, holding her close like he needs her in order to breathe. Like it has a mind of its own, Maki’s hand curls into his t-shirt.
She kisses him once. Twice. Again and again, learning the taste and feel of him.
It is clear that neither of them are quite sure what they are doing, guided by their instincts alone. Someone uses their tongue and they pull each other impossibly closer. He tastes like stale sake and bitter morning breath. She is sure she doesn’t taste much better. And despite everything, it’s perfect.
So perfect that it leaves her head spinning, trying to identify every sensation.
After a moment, Maki realizes her head truly is spinning. Her lungs ache for air. As if coming to the same realization, Yuuta’s lips slow against hers until they simply rest on each other, letting them both catch their breath.
“That,” he pants, smiling into her mouth, “was not good for my headache…”
Maki snorts. “Wimp.”
Yuuta laughs and kisses her again, and the hole of her heart has never felt smaller.
“On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your hangover?”
“ Ikura .”
“...Pandas have been known to eat people, you know.”