Actions

Work Header

longing

Summary:

"You must really care about your subordinates if you left all of your 'boss duties' to visit me," she comments briefly, eyeing him from head to foot.

Mori, once again, feels a sharp pain in his chest.

"Yeah," he nods. "Yes, I do."

or,

Kouyou is hit by an ability and Mori finds himself longing for something.

Notes:

note on some headcanons i guess:
1) idk if kouyou can canonically speak french but here she can, because i say so

2) i'm also not sure about the thing with elise's personality change because i have no idea how mori's ability works in detail, but it seemed fair and justifiable, so i used it

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Chuuya brought her in, late at night.

The way the executive paced nervously around the corridor in front of the infirmary should probably be a sign for Mori to be concerned. The younger man didn't even lift his head and greet the boss upon his arrival, instead he just moved from one wall to another like in some kind of a trance.

There was no use in trying to get any information out of him, so the dark-haired man decided to send him away for the rest of the night. Chuuya tried to protest at first and the despair in his eyes was very convincing, but Mori needed a moment for himself too. A nervous executive who tended to behave like crazy when his older sister figure was even slightly hurt was not a pleasant companion.

Not that Mori didn't care about the situation at all.

In fact, just after one of the agents announced that Kouyou had been seriously injured, he left all of the top priority important documents on his desk as they were and ran out of the office, straight to the infirmary, with a heart beating a little too fast and much more worry than he would express over any other subordinate.

It would be suspicious if anyone besides Chuuya were there, but he didn't care enough to take that into consideration. The medics assured him that he wasn't needed inside the operating room itself, but it was much more frustrating to just stand in the wide corridor and wait for the news. Inside, he could've at least focused on something and wouldn't let his mind be plagued by all of the memories concerning the injured woman.

The familiar scent on his pillows and bedsheets that was impossible to get rid of when she started sleeping over more often. Her clothes in his closet, so she wouldn't have to go all the way back to her quarters when she spontaneously stayed the night. Her shampoo, conditioner and bodywash in his bathroom, their soothing smell resembling her presence even when she wasn't there. The scratch marks on his back.

Only when one of the medics finally opens the door, Mori finally returns to the version of him they're supposed to see. Not for long, though, when the anxious expression appears in front of him.

"Boss… there has been an issue…"

All of the other people are immediately thrown out of the room and ordered to provide the two of them some privacy. From what he understood, he knows that Kouyou is definitely alive and pretty much fine, but something is wrong.

When he enters, nothing seems to be concerning. She's awake and staring out of the window. There's a full moon tonight and it looks marvelous when you're so high up inside a tall building, however, the most beautiful sight for the man was not the sky, but the woman sitting on the hospital bed with her hair down in a plain white yukata. Alive and well, seemingly.

Then, she turns around. Her face looks alright, there's a few bruises and cuts here and there, but her eyes are different. Empty, darker than usual. Somehow, they seem flat, compared to how they were previously.

If his arrival impacts her in any way, she doesn't show it. He only gets a surprised look as a greeting and then, before he even feels capable enough to say anything, she asks:

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

Something shatters inside his chest, causing him to freeze in place right where he is standing. For the first few moments, he thinks this is some kind of a prank and any moment now Kouyou will laugh it off and apologize for worrying him so much, but it doesn't happen. Her faraway look doesn't disappear and for a while, he feels like he is staring at a complete stranger.

Memory loss. That's the issue. Partial or not, there's a strange, suffocating feeling in his lungs. She doesn't recognize him. She doesn't remember.

"I'm sorry," she says again, with a hint of an awkward smile. "I'm just a little bit… confused. The doctors, well, I guess they were doctors, refused to answer any of my questions. Are you another one of them?"

He's not in his usual attire, but the formal shirt with a loose tie and plain pants seem close enough to be mistaken for a medic.

"Sort of," Mori begins, trying to look at her normally and hide what was really going on inside him. "I'm… your boss, actually."

Boss. Friend. Hook-up. Lover. All seem to be of the same meaning now.

Kouyou’s eyes go wide for a moment and it's almost comical. He's sure he had never seen that face before.

"Boss? So, I'm a doctor too?"

"No, not really." Explaining that is so hard now. She probably lost all of her memories, including her childhood spent in the mafia. Telling her the truth seems cruel, even for him. "I don't really work as a doctor now. You're, well, the underboss of the Port Mafia."

"Mafia?!" He expected her reaction to be much more heated, but instead, after a short while of looking puzzled, her expression returned to neutral. "I don't think it should be like that, but for some reasons, it seems right."

The way her eyes shine after the short realization gives him some kind of hope.

"You must really care about your subordinates if you left all of your 'boss duties' to visit me," she comments briefly, eyeing him from head to foot.

Mori, once again, feels a sharp pain in his chest.

"Yeah," he nods. "Yes, I do."

"He sees you as an older sister. His name is Chuuya. You took him in when he was fifteen. Pretty much raised him."

The short executive bursts into the office and after a sleepless night of tossing and turning in bed, without the familiar presence of a warm body next to him, Mori can do as much as lifting his eyes from the documents and carefully observing the way Chuuya clutches his hat in his hands.

"Nothing," he mutters simply, clenching his teeth. "Besides French. She can still speak French."

"So, more than nothing," the man says, but any hint of emotion is absent in his tone. Maybe it was because of the lack of sleep, but getting excited over something so minor seemed like giving themselves a kind of false hope. "Maybe we should try it with some of her girls."

"Yeah," Chuuya nods, still looking down at the desk. Tears seem to well up in his eyes and Mori can't blame him for that; he himself feels like he lost a part of him, but the poor boy lost the closest person he could call mother. It was obvious he wouldn't be taking it well. "She was still hit by some kind of an ability. Maybe if I track down the user… I'll drag Dazai with me if I have to. We need to reverse the effects."

Mori doesn't like impulsive decisions, but this time, he gives a firm nod. There's no way he could convince Chuuya not to do it, and besides, it may bring a positive outcome. They both want their Kouyou back.

"By the way, boss," the executive asks before leaving. "I haven't seen Elise all day long. Is she somewhere in your office? Maybe she should try to talk with ane-san."

"Perhaps, I'll think about it," the man agrees, but after the door closes, he lets out a sigh.

Elise's not there. Her change in behavior and personality started to bother him a lot in the morning, resembling someone that he just lost and found himself longing for.

"Almost all higher ranks in the Port Mafia have special abilities."

"I knew how to do it," Kouyou says. She's still in the same white yukata, hair nicely braided by Chuuya in a futile attempt to bring her memories back with details. Mori stands close to her, observing the floating ghost, Golden Demon, who seems equally as dumbfounded as the woman right now. "But I don't remember it..?"

The ability doesn't have a face per se, but has some eye-shaped holes in the exact place that could be called eyes. Nevertheless, they now seem to be a little sad, like the demon is also hurt by Kouyou’s memory loss.

The woman lifts her hand up and touches the ghost's face when it lowers its position so it could be closer to her. For a moment, it seems like she does remember something, but after a while, she backs away, touching her temple.

"Are you okay?" Mori rushes to her, worried by the unusual behavior. Golden Demon does nothing to prevent that and the ability often turned hostile when the two of them were closer to each other in its presence. It's like it has also lost hope that the old Kouyou will be back. "Don't push yourself too hard," he says, seeing her strained expression.

She looks pale and like she's going to pass out any second, so he puts an arm behind her back to support her weight. It seems natural, they have done that before.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly with an apologetic look in her eyes. "To you too," she adds, turning her head to the Golden Demon. "It's frustrating. I feel like there's a giant blank page in my memory and when I try to remember anything, my head hurts. I know I'm letting you down, but I'm really trying."

"You're not letting anyone down, Kouyou," he reassures, seeing how sorrowful she looks right now. "It's not your fault. We have to bring your memory back as soon as possible, but we will slow down if it's too much for you."

"No, it's not," she shakes her head. "I want it back too," she looks up and stares right into his eyes. They are different than they were before the whole accident, but there's some tiny spark that resembles her previous self. Another tiny spark of hope. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead," he nods, not pulling the hand on her back away.

"What were we before? I can't help but have a feeling that it was… something more than a professional relationship. I just, I feel like I should trust you… more than everyone."

Mori stops in place, trying to get himself to breathe normally. He probably shouldn't lie to her, it would have a negative impact on trying to get her memories back, but what was between them had remained a secret from the other members. Not to mention that he couldn't just tell her the truth and expect she would take it as it was, without feeling uncomfortable. If she were to never regain her memory, such information could be a huge burden, especially if she didn't feel the same way about him now. And she most certainly didn't. She didn't even recognize him.

"You were one of my most loyal subordinates," he explains slowly. "And a close friend," he adds, because the first sentence sounds too bitter.

His own words hurt. Kouyou’s expression seems a bit disappointed at first, but then she nods understandingly.

"I'm sorry. It must feel like practically losing a friend."

"It does, kind of. But we still have hope."

The red marks on his back created by her nails a long time ago burn when she leaves the room. Maybe Mori's just imagining it, but the Golden Demon gives him a sorry glance before it disappears.

They have hope, but it's not guaranteed that Kouyou will ever be the same person. The thought makes him stand still for a good couple of minutes.

He shouldn't have gotten so attached. It wouldn't hurt that much.

"Your quarters are in the eastern part of the building. You didn't spend so much time there, though."

Kouyou decides that she doesn't feel too well in her own apartment and says that she feels like a stranger there, so Mori lets her stay in a smaller one next to his. It's unoccupied anyway and during the day, she spends surprisingly much time with Elise, taking part in all of her fanciful activities.

It's pretty unusual, but perhaps it might help, not to mention it keeps both of them away from the man. The sight of Kouyou is enough to make him feel pain and Elise's change of personality is even worse than that.

The nights are horrible, actually. He buries himself in work because his nightmares have returned and now, Kouyou appears in them. Throughout the whole week, it'd be a miracle if the number of hours he slept was higher than five.

Elise called him pathetic, but he was aware that he probably was.

One night, he is shuffling through some papers just to occupy his thoughts with something when he hears a knock on the door. He immediately grants the permission to enter; even if it's late at night, some agents deliver their reports as soon as they can.

Much to his surprise, Kouyou slowly walks inside. Once again, she seems pale and her expression is strained, as if she got another nasty headache.

"I can't sleep," she explains apologetically. "Do you have any sleeping pills or something?"

Mori gets up and shows her a nearby couch to sit on, then turns around with shaky hands that don't wander to his supply of medicine, but to the electric kettle in the corner.

They both could use some tea. Soon, two steaming cups are placed on a coffee table.

"Chamomile tea. It may be better than pills, at least for now. If the problems don't disappear, I'll give you something stronger."

She smiles at him gratefully and takes a sip of the hot tea, while the man sits next to her on the couch.

"Thank you. It's nothing serious, though. I think it was… a kind of a nightmare," she says softly, after Mori took his own cup. "I mean, I couldn't really tell what it was about. But I felt terrible."

"Maybe your memory is slowly coming back. Through nightmares, even," he immediately proposes, trying to hide how much hope it has given him.

They sit in silence for a moment, after her quick nod. Her cup is almost empty now, probably caused by the need for uninterrupted sleep. Mori could use some too, but there is little to no chance that the tea will help him even in the slightest.

"I'd be glad if it was back. It feels horrible when you can't remember anything or explain why something feels good or not," the woman sighs, looking at him. "I'm sorry. You always have that disappointed look on your face. And you don't look too well either."

"It's not your fault," he says, grazing her shoulder with his palm to assure that everything is fine. "You shouldn't worry about me. I can deal with myself just fine."

"Elise told me that it's not really true," she gives him a small smirk. "That I often had to drag you out of the office to eat or sleep."

He freezes in place. It's true. It's another thing that's missing, another one that he desperately wants back.

"Yeah, you did," he smiles in response, as much as he can. "You were pretty stubborn about it."

"I guess I had a reason to."

Both of their cups stand on the table, empty, when Mori feels weight on his shoulder. Kouyou is sound asleep, resting her head there.

It's almost as it was before.

Unable to resist himself, he places a quick kiss on her forehead, just to have that little glimpse of the past.

That night, when the warmth of her body is so close, he finally sleeps through six hours.

In the morning, Kouyou is not there.

Instead, Mori is covered by a soft blanket that has a very familiar scent. It’s still early in the morning, but the man jumps up from the couch, looking for any message she might have left before going out of the office.

The mugs they were drinking from are all clean now and placed where they belong. The papers on his desk, left in a hurry, are sorted and put in tidy piles.

No signs of where she went.

He sits on the couch, now regretting every decision of the last night. He probably made her feel uncomfortable. He should have walked her back to her room, left her there by herself, anything.

Mori curses himself silently. Judging by the blanket he was covered by, she probably went to his bedroom to take it and saw all of her belongings that he was unable to hide or get rid of.

He wouldn’t have felt like that if he didn’t get attached. He’s so weak, because of the unnecessary emotions, because of the way his heart wants to burst out of his chest and because of the suffocating feelings in his lungs, the realization that she’s probably never going to hold him as she did, kiss him as she did or even talk to him as she did.

It hurts.

It hurts, until the soft touch of a silky material embraces him in a hug and someone sits next to him. The soothing smell comes back and all of sudden, he feels a little unreal.

“I didn't want to wake you up too early, you looked terrible, to be honest.”

He looks up a little.

It’s her. It’s Kouyou and she’s all dressed, with her hair put up as she did before the accident. She looks the same. Her eyes are all the same.

“Chuuya was here an hour ago or so, but I felt all of it come back earlier. I got a massive headache because of it, though,” she explains with a smile, while Mori still stares at her as if she was just a dream.

“So, he…” he tries to say something, but it’s difficult to speak at the moment.

“He reversed the ability, yes. I remember everything now,” she pulls away a bit, but he doesn’t let go; he manages to intertwine their fingers to which she doesn’t oppose. He wants to make sure that she’s really there and isn’t going to disappear any moment now. “I didn’t know I was a close friend to you.”

He almost lets out a laugh of relief and reaches out to brush her bangs out of her eye.

“I’m sorry,” he manages to stutter out. “You’re so much more. I felt like I lost a part of me.”

“So poetic,” she teases, but leans forward to reduce the distance between their faces. “Didn’t know I was capable of making you say such things.”

Mori rolls his eyes.

He learned that it’s not a good idea to get attached. It made him feel and look vulnerable to others, and he definitely shouldn’t, as the boss of the Port Mafia.

But he leans forward too and kisses her on the lips, glad to finally have his Kouyou back. The woman smiles into the kiss and entangles her fingers in his hair.

“Someone has to take care of you, boss.”

Notes:

it took me a while to write this, but here it is

i put all of my shorts in a series now, they may have some references to each other so that's why

hope you enjoyed the read!

Series this work belongs to: