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"My stars, Fawkes, it's so hot, I think I am about to catch fire," Albus Dumbledore grumbled, as he sat miserably in his office in his thinnest muslin robes.
The phoenix let out a musical trill before excreting a cinnamon-scented plume of smoke and promptly bursting into flames.
"Drama queen," Albus muttered, as the door to the Headmaster's office was flung open, revealing a cranky Minerva and wilting Filius.
"The temperature in my tower is approximately that of the surface of the sun!" Minerva groused, folding her arms in frustration.
"Minerva, you know that we don't have Muggle amenities available, and using magic to change the weather might have unintended consequences," Albus said. "Why, in 1684, Tribbly the Troublemaker accidentally caused a miniature Ice Age in Britain when a chilling spell spiraled out of control!"
"Still, something must be done!" Filius squeaked. "Ravenclaw's candles have melted, and I'm not far behind!"
"Fizzy?" Albus asked mildly, and a house elf appeared.
"Yes, sir?" she squeaked.
"I believe that a Pimm's Original is in order, don't you?" Albus asked.
Fizzy nodded and disappeared. Oddly, she didn't seem the least bit sweaty, and Albus had a mental image of those large-eared foxes that live in deserts.
Moments later, three drinks materialized on the table. After, Flitwick looked a bit less wilty, and Minerva sucked on ice cubes as Albus swirled the last bit of his drink with the hot-pink looped straw he kept in his desk for such occasions. A muggleborn student had given it to him ages ago, and he found it absolutely brilliant.
"We should take shelter in the dungeons until it cools off," Albus mused.
"Agreed," Minerva said.
The three rose and made their way down to the dungeons. Minerva let out a sigh as a gust of cool air hit her face. Albus, too, found himself quickening his pace. The classrooms were dark and empty, which was odd, as Severus had arrived earlier that week to prepare for his classes with the rest of the faculty.
After finding Severus' office closed and warded, Albus turned to the others and said, "Perhaps he went out to the greenhouses with Pomona?"
"Hardly likely," Minerva replied. "At breakfast, he was wearing his black teaching robes. If he went out to the greenhouses like that, he'd broil within five minutes."
"Hey, guys! Look over here!" Filius motioned for them to join him near the end of the hall.
Bluish light danced on the floor from a gap beneath the door where Filius stood, frowning at the doorknob, which was in the shape of a striking snake's head.
"It appears to be enchanted," he said, tapping it with his wand.
In reply, the snake's head shuddered and spoke:
"I am the shape of where I reside.
I move with the moon, and I make up the tide.
I am a part of all living things present and past.
Provide to me the word if you wish to pass ."
"Hm, a password riddle," Albus mused.
"I suppose I can't just blast my way in," Minerva said, glancing at Albus. "Can I?"
"Oh, that wouldn't be any fun," Filius said, looking thoughtful. "I've got it! The ocean!"
Nothing happened.
"The shape of where I reside…" Albus frowned and began thinking maybe it was a better idea to simply set up shop in one of the unused classrooms instead. After all, he still had a lot of spells and preparations to prepare for the Great Hall for the first day of school. It was right around the corner.
"Ugh, I'd kill for a glass of water," Minerva complained.
"Correct," the snake doorknob said, and the door swung open.
They peered through the doorway, their eyes widening with shock.
There, in the middle of a large pool, flanked on all sides by pillars covered in glowing stones, floated Severus Snape, Potions professor. He was wearing an old fashioned gray swimsuit that covered his chest and went down to his knees, and a lime-green inner-tube ringed his waist. Dark sunglasses covered his eyes. He sipped a glowing, pale-blue beverage. Albus noted that Severus' neon orange straw was even longer than his pink straw and had three loops.
"Severus?" All three said simultaneously. His name echoed through the room.
"Well, are you going to come in, or are you going to stand there with your jaws on the floor letting the warm air in?" Severus said silkily, though he hadn't moved an inch from where he floated.
"Of course," Albus said, closing the door.
"I thought you'd be a bit angrier that we barged into your...er…private time," Minerva said, looking at her feet.
"Usually, that would be the case, but you see, that's the thing," Severus said, "I can't be bothered to move right now."
"I've heard rumors of a secret swimming pool in the castle, but I never believed it before today," Albus said, his voice soft with quiet awe.
"You have a pensieve and I have a pool," Severus said, deadpan. "Well? Are you going to join me or do you enjoy standing around looking like you're about to die of heat stroke?"
"I thought you'd never ask!" Flitwick said, using his wand to transfigure his robes into a swimsuit.
Minerva's transfiguration was more elegant, leaving her in a layered one-piece suit with matching swimming cap and goggles.
Albus was last, and he found himself botching the transfiguration a bit, leaving him in a small strip of cloth that rode up his backside and left little to the imagination.
"Really, Albus?" Severus asked, finally using a finger to tip his sunglasses up and reveal his disappointed look in all its glory. "A thong and an off-brand Speedo? How tacky."
Albus just winked and jumped into the frigid water. It was time to beat the heat.