Chapter Text
Diluc isn't one for feelings. Not that he doesn't have them, he's actually quite the contrary. He just doesn't know how to express them. After years of repressing his feelings, not wanting to be so easily readable and so incredibly vulnerable, it left him with a permanent scowl. He frowns all too often, pushing people away with his aggressive expression before they can even get close enough to see inside, Diluc internally is quite different.
Despite being so outwardly aloof, he found himself more in touch with his emotions than he thought. How did he come to such an epiphany?
He started writing.
Diluc had learnt much as a youth, although burnt out quickly, he picked up many talents. He remained modest about his abilities because inside, he doesn't like the idea of the pressure that would give him. He knows telling anyone that he can, for example, play piano- that puts an expectation in their head that he's actually good.
And he is good.
But he's not good at everything- and the things he is good at- he wishes he were better at. He wishes he were faster at accumulating such skills. He wishes he were a lot of things.
But he doesn't focus on himself too meticulously anymore. No, instead, he repressed those thoughts. That was, until he found his outlet. Writing.
He doesn't like to pride himself on any ability, other than being fast and efficient. Most don't know about his hobby and most certainly wouldn't have an idea where it started. Diluc himself even struggles to accept where such a fondness for writing has come from, but deep down he knows, his tendency to write past hours he should certainly be sleeping by was awoken by none other than his long distance boyfriend: beloved Doctor Baizhu of Liyue.
It's crazy when he thinks about it, because Diluc hadn't ever imagined himself in a relationship. At least, not at his age. As kind hearted and gentlemanly as Diluc was, it wasn't able to show. Diluc had an issue with keeping everyone he knew at an arm's length, even when he didn't want to.
It was understandable, really. Baizhu helped him see that surprisingly well. He remembers their letters, their in depth discussions of the past; and how those discussions drawled forth into something far more tender than Diluc could comprehend.
Doctor Baizhu had a way with words from the first letter he'd ever sent to him.
It started with the typical "Dear dearest Diluc."
He didn't understand it back then, but didn't question it in the letter he wrote back at the time. It rolled off the tongue then.
It still rolled off the tongue now.
Diluc could recall Baizhu having inspired him a lot, sparking an odd feeling in him which he first cast away as silly. He was prideful, at first, not wanting to admit that letters from a man in Liyue had him swooning. But, he accepts that now. To himself, at least.
To admit it to anyone else sounds foolish to him.
He remembered their letters being akin to long night conversations and sometimes, often most times, he found himself awake at night, reading them as if they were such.
Diluc still can't believe his lovestruck self. The things he's written seem sappy and in comparison to Baizhu's written affections; they pale completely.
To Baizhu,
As promised, the date is settled. It's still Thursday, this week, assuming this letter has reached you by then. I look forward to meeting you finally. We hadn't had the chance to talk properly last time I had seen you. I suppose we didn't interact, actually.
Regardless, I hope to see you Thursday. I should be arriving outside the Qingce Village entrance, as proposed. I hope to see you there.
I can't wait,
Diluc.
Dear Diluc, Dearest,
Excellent news. I'll be seeing you in no time, surely. You needn't stress, love, your confirmations came faster than expected. Most of your letters seem to be doing that as of recently. Who are you hiring? I need myself a messenger pigeon with such speed. I can only hope the one I have myself will be able to deliver this letter as promptly as I have received yours.
As for meeting you, let me hope that I'll have the chance to not just talk to you, but hold you in time. I don't want to remain vague, nor do I wish to overwhelm you with expectations. But let me reassure you, if I may. I do not wish to come across as desperate and if I do, feel inclined to reprimand me for doing so.
I appreciate such an experience may be daunting, as it is for me as well. I can only remember so much of you by our prior conversation. It was only brief back then. It's quite intriguing to think about it. I never would have thought I'd find compassion for someone over letters. Regardless, I do not wish to send you too much. I do hope you won't find me this chatty in person but by my letters, you have been warned.
Sincerely,
Love Baizhu.
Diluc read over that letter various times. For the past two days, Diluc hasn't stopped thinking about it. He thought about writing one back, but the anxiety had kicked in. He couldn't bring himself to do it. He figured it was fine, because the day had finally come. The day where he would finally meet Baizhu. Not like last time, as an acquaintance, nor a simple friend or close one.
Diluc and Baizhu were official lovers.
Diluc remembers the letter he was sent by Baizhu and even to this day, reading it makes his cheeks grow red.
My Dearest Diluc,
It's strange, I agree. Peculiar how things change over time, but, if there's one thing being a doctor has taught me, it's this: Change is inevitable. It's you who ultimately decides what to do with that change.
What I mean by this is, change is going to come, whether it's good or bad, whether you wish for it or not. You're the one with the power to enforce further change, or to keep things as they are, but at the end of the day, everything will change. Eventually.
You may believe this is irrelevant and part of you may be right. Yet, there's a part of me that's identified a change in these letters as of recent. Even you, Diluc, have changed. It's not bad. Not to myself, anyway. But one thing I am certain of is, I have changed- and not just for the inevitable. I am referring to my feelings. I believe in taking advantage of the moment because as I’ve stated, change is inevitable, whether it’s for better or for worse.
When we first started writing, I believed us to have nothing more than a business transaction, yet you intrigued me. I'm thankful I kept writing to you. Although, now, I find myself unsure.
My feelings have changed drastically since then. Not only do I see you as no simple business partner, I cannot see you as a friend either. Rather, I find myself seeing you as the closest friend I have. Perhaps even a love interest.
Even when change is inevitable, I admittedly feel as if I've wronged you. Perhaps you agree. But no more.
I needed to tell you this, as truly, I wish to know where I stand. If you choose not to write back, I will take your silence as disinterested and if such happens: I sincerely apologise.
Signed,
Baizhu
It's a letter Diluc had rewritten himself, just to hold a copy of it wherever he went. He framed the original letter - keeping it on his bedside table among the various other things that reminded him of Baizhu. There was Violetgrass pressed within the frame of the letter, alongside a small bottle - scented with calming herbs found exclusively in Liyue. A few poems he had written sat underneath a table weight, one that Baizhu himself had specially made for him. He’s inspirational.
Diluc tries not to think about the impact the renowned Doctor from Liyue has made on him. Whenever he does manage to become self aware, which is more often that he'd like, he goes red at the idea. Even upon seeing Baizhu, Diluc’s notorious glare seems to have lightened up slightly, with his face peppered in something ruddy.
"Well, look who it is," Baizhu greeted, his hand gesturing as he approached him calmly.
"Never thought I'd see the day," Diluc responded, just as collected as Baizhu. Now that he's in front of him, there's a stiffness he can't just ruffle off. As much as he’s prepared himself mentally, or at least attempted to, nothing could have truly prepared him for the set of emotions that struck him as of right now. He still smiled ever so slightly, which is already such a stark difference from how he typically is. But Diluc has an odd way of smiling in such a joyous moment, his lips turning downwards to smile, just backwards. Baizhu thinks it’s endearing.
"That much is true," Baizhu hummed, pausing in front of him to take the sight of Diluc in. Diluc returns the gesture, albeit less intense. Baizhu's sunset eyes seemed crafted in a specific way, gorgeously so, but slightly intimidating. Diluc supposed he's nervous. It's just the moment.
Scanning over Baizhu, Diluc notes how he's taller up close. Not only are his eyes a pretty colour, but they contain a specific shape. They're sharp, intelligent, perhaps even a little sly-looking.
Before Diluc knows it, Baizhu reached out for his hand, clasping his hand and sandwiching it between both his gloved palms, "We should head inside, hm?"
Baizhu's head retreated to the sky, to which Diluc mirrored. He realised just then, it was picking to rain. Diluc nods. He's not one for verbal speech, especially not today, it seemed.
"We should be able to miss the rain if we hurry," Baizhu shot him a courteous smile, his head tilting with a mischievousness about him. Diluc’s brain scrambled, he couldn't think, only taking in his words at the last minute.
Diluc nodded again, forgetting his words.
He felt guilty for his silence, but Baizhu made him feel comfortable.
"I don't recall you being so quiet," Baizhu comments suddenly, looking over his shoulder at him.
He had let his hand go as they started walking and since then, Diluc has been rearranging his glove continuously.
"Ah, sorry," Diluc nodded quickly, "I'm just overwhelmed," He responded honestly. Baizhu's face curls, his lips softening into a sickening smile.
"Oh, how sweet," He commented forwardly. Diluc isn't used to such bluntness. He felt his cheeks rile themselves up again, "I can understand, though," Baizhu's head turned back around, his hand reaching out to test the rain that dared to pick faster, "You had warned me in various letters,” Baizhu chuckles, “Multiple times.”
Diluc stiffened, unable to wrap his mind around Baizhu's lighthearted teasing. He wondered if there was any true disdain behind those words, or whether Baizhu just enjoyed seeing him so flustered. Even if what he said wasn't very accusatory, the way he spoke had Diluc weak at the knees. It's a feeling he’s not used to.
"It takes a while to accustom yourself to someone," Baizhu lowers his hand, "Even if we have spoken various times over the last year," Baizhu glances over his shoulder again, "I'm sure you're not quite accustomed to me in the flesh yet."
Diluc nodded, letting out a hum of agreement.
"I'm not accustomed to you either," Baizhu sympathised, "Although, I'm certain I've got most of you fairly figured out."
Baizhu grinned sweetly, before whipping his head back to the path. The rain picked up, but lucky for them, they'd just about managed to reach Baizhu's abode in time.
"Seems we're lucky," Baizhu noted as he jammed the key in, attempting to hurry inside and allowing Diluc in shortly after. When Diluc got inside, Baizhu shut the door, placing the key back in his pocket.
Diluc scanned the room, taking note of various things. For one: the plants. Baizhu has plants scattered everywhere. It wasn't off-putting, it was a stylistic choice. Diluc could appreciate how different it was from his own style. Baizhu's home doesn't seem dull, it's quite colourful actually but looking at Baizhu, the array of colours was expected. Diluc isn't used to such vibrant displays, but he welcomes the change, despite typically disliking it. He’s aware he doesn’t fit into the scene, whereas Baizhu fits the theme of his home quite perfectly.
"I apologise for the mess," Baizhu noted, leading Diluc into his main room. His kitchen seems to be connected to his living room, which Diluc found was also quite different from that of Mondstadt, but he likes the design of the house. It's a refreshing change.
"It's nothing," Diluc reassures, not understanding what he's talking about. There’s little mess to be seen, aside from papers on the table and a small DIY section in the corner of his living room. There was a singular toy in the room. It seemed as if it was designed for a child. Diluc found himself questioning it for a moment, before coming to the realisation.
“Is Qiqi here?”
Baizhu’s eyebrows lifted at that, seemingly caught off guard, “Qiqi?”, He asked, almost as if he didn’t expect Diluc to remember, “She’s not here, no,” He clarified, gazing over the toy in the corner, “She’s fine by herself, really. She’s surprisingly independent.”
Diluc gave him a look, not meaning to, but it earnt a laugh from Baizhu.
“Well, somewhat,” Baizhu let out a smile as he hummed, “She’s in the trusted hands of Gui. If she needs anyone, he’s there to help.”
In response, Diluc nodded, content with the answer, “I just wouldn’t want to take you away from work if you’re needed.”
Baizhu found himself frowning with tenderness, “You’re too sweet,” He complimented, “But they’re fine without me.”
Diluc’s cheeks flared up, even the simplest compliment had him going red.
“Besides,” Baizhu leaned over the counter in the kitchen, placing his head in his hands, “How rude of me would it be to turn away my lover upon first meeting?”
Although he was only playing, Diluc found himself wildly embarrassed. He dipped his head, “I can wait, it’s no trouble.”
Baizhu thought those were meaningful words, considering Diluc’s more than patent contempt for being idle. Diluc isn’t a man of many words but the words he had said so far seemed more than well thought and crafted.
“I’m simply teasing,” He reminded Diluc, a tender smirk drafted over his face at the notice that he was indeed as serious as he’d been rumoured to be.
Diluc couldn’t respond. Baizhu is very clearly more carefree than he is and indeed far less serious. He accepts the worry that’s been growing this whole time that maybe they’re two different people and due to such diversity; they’re not as compatible as their letters made them seem,
Baizhu’s eyes scanned him, his smile dropping into a frown for just a moment, “You seem tense.”
Diluc wasn’t sure how to respond to that one either. Instead, Baizhu made his way over to him, glossing over his stature with a curious look. Diluc almost finds himself pouting at the way he’s eyed down like eye candy. He’s not used to such explicit gazes.
“Perhaps I can be of some assistance?”, Baizhu raises his hands, “I was a masseuse years back.”
“Qualified?”, Diluc responds sarcastically, although the way he says it indicates otherwise. Baizhu can only gasp in response.
“What are you insinuating, dear Diluc?”, Baizhu raises an eyebrow. Diluc shuts down again, his eyes averting shyly.
“I may not have been qualified,” Baizhu admits, “But I was quite popular and never had a bad review.”
Diluc’s eyes drop back onto him with a questionable look.
“I’d say that makes me more than qualified,” Baizhu beams, the corners of his captivating eyes tightening, “Wouldn’t you agree?”
Diluc stares at him for a moment, eyes slightly widened and pupils expanding. The room seems to be lit perfectly for Baizhu and despite Diluc’s disregard for photography, he believes Baizhu to be photogenic.
He catches on soon enough, “Hm? Is that a no?”
Diluc blinks, shaking his head, “No,” He responds, trying to get his words out, “I mean-”, Diluc lets out a soft grunt, “I mean-”
He reminds himself to calm down, his head racising, competing with the speed of his heart. He had to admit, his heart was giving his head a run for its money, “Go ahead.”
Removing his jacket, Diluc turned to Baizhu, “Where should I put this?”
Baizhu took his coat, draping it over the corner of the sofa, “This should do for now,” Baizhu’s gaze flicks between Diluc and the sofa, “Just get comfortable.”
Diluc nods, obeying his words and sitting down patiently. Baizhu scurries away, although Diluc’s back is turned, he can sense he’s searching through the kitchen cupboards.
“I’ve got Jueyan muscle relaxant,” Baizhu noted, “Hot but a miracle for sore muscles,” Baizhu brought out another box, “Rare but worth it: Qinqxin ointment. It smells nice too, so that’s a plus-”
Diluc turns around, head peeking over the sofa.
“And there’s this,” Baizhu lifts up a small bottle, “I haven’t used it myself yet, but it’s Viboya treatment,” He gazes over the box, using his glasses to check the small print, “Supposedly it’s rejuvenating for the skin.”
Baizhu placed the small box down on the table, “Take your pick.”
Diluc doesn’t really care which one goes on him, as long as the effects aren’t horrendous, he’s indifferent, “Ah…The muscle relaxant sounds fine.”
“Are you sure?”, Baizhu picks up the considerably sized box, “It’s the strongest one I have,” He warned, opening it to reveal an abnormally small sachet, “Are you certain you can handle it?”
Diluc wonders why he offers him such things if he’s going to undermine his ability to take it, “I’m quite certain,” He reassures, turning back around. Baizhu simply shrugs.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Baizhu chuckled, sounding almost excited, “These things are made from the spiciest chillies in Teyvat.”
Diluc could have guessed. He hummed, gazing down at his clothes and realising he’d need to take his shirt off for something like this. For a first meeting, that seemed intimate.
But, not wanting to appear like a prude, or for the avoidance of seeming ungrateful, Diluc began unbuttoning his shirt, staring at his lap while Baizhu put away the various creams he had offered.
Baizhu came back to him soon enough, opening the sachet carefully. He had another pair of gloves on, these ones seeming medical.
Diluc’s eyes brush over Baizhu, noticing how he’s standing there with a charming smile. It’s comforting, alluring in a sense.
Convincing himself that it’s not a big deal, Diluc shuffles off his shirt, placing it on his lap. If he believed his face was red before, his face was burning now.
Baizhu blinks, taking note of his body but evidently catching even himself off guard with how he’s staring. He sees people undress all the time, yet this feels intimate.
Because it is.
That’s when it hits, not only Diluc, but Baizhu, leaving him to be tinted in the cheeks.
“Ah, well,” Baizhu pulled at his gloves, before sitting behind Diluc and practically hiding himself behind him. Baizhu doesn’t often find himself so flustered.
“As I’ve mentioned,” Baizhu let out a hum, pushing Diluc’s ponytail over his shoulder and emptying the whole sachet onto his back, “This might hur-”
Diluc let out a groan, neck tilting slightly, “Fff-”
Baizhu let out a chuckle, “Painful, isn’t it?”
“A little,” Diluc downplayed. In all fairness, Baizhu had warned him.
He arched his back, Baizhu’s hands spreading the cream around before firmly coaxing his muscles to soften.
“You’re not even trying to make my job easier, are you?”, Baizhu comments light heartedly, to which Diluc sits up straight almost instantly.
“You’re the doctor,” Diluc argues back, “You should know what I can withstand.”
“I put my trust in you, the patient, before myself.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?”
Baizhu shrugs, a sly smile on his face, “Probably.”
Diluc let out another groan, biting his lip in irritation. It feels good- splendid, actually. His hands feel rhythmic and his skills are unexpectedly impeccable. It makes up for the pain.
“I think you’re doing a great job, though,” Baizhu commends, even though he’s one out of the two of them that’s actually doing something.
Even if Diluc isn’t one to accept praise, he nods, accepting it this one time, “Thank you.”
Baizhu hummed at that, sliding his hands over the curve of his sides. He seems to know the accurate amount of strength to use on him, in all places. Baizhu doesn’t make it sound like Diluc’s in good hands, but with the way he’s touching him, he believes that more than anything.
In other words, Diluc finds himself relaxed.
The pain drifts, the persuasive hands of Baizhu leaving him with a fuzzy aftermath. He wants his hands to stay there for longer, but he knows he can’t request such when Baizhu pulls his hands off him.
“There,” He nods, a shy smile painted on his face, “How’s that?”
Diluc doesn’t recognise for a moment, because he doesn’t want to. However, when he can’t deny it no more, he turns around and nods.
“Better,” Diluc confirmed, “Thank you.”
“Pleasure is all mine,” Baizhu nodded back, removing his gloves from his hands and placing them on the side, “I must add though,” Baizhu scanned his body, “I haven’t seen someone at your age with such tenseness in their muscles.”
Diluc isn’t sure what he’s implying by that, supposing he’s asking him why, but indirectly, “I’m not sure why,” Diluc shrugs, “I’ve never noticed.”
“Do you overexert yourself?”
Diluc feels slightly attacked with such a question, “I don’t think so,” He disagrees, “Not anymore at least.”
Baizhu brings a hand to his chin, eyebrows furrowing in thought, “Hm. Do you repress your emotions?”
Diluc blinks.
“You know,” Baizhu tilted his head slightly, “Do you make active attempts to hide your feelings?”
Diluc could have sworn that was something he’d made obvious, if not by letters, then by their encounters today, “I guess.”
Baizhu gave him a disapproving look, “I suppose that’s why,” Baizhu reached out a hand, ghosting Diluc’s shoulder to see if he’d flinch. He doesn’t, so he places his arm down.
“You’re most likely tensing your poor muscles in substitute.”
“Force of habit,” Diluc reasons, agreeing to whatever he’s saying. He’s a doctor, an intelligent one at that, so he trusts him when he says he’s doing something wrong.
Baizhu almost seems concerned, but attempts to brush it off. He doesn’t see any reason to dampen the mood, “Anyway,” Baizhu scans his brain for something else to discuss before the moment gets awkward.
Diluc turned to him, wide eyed and interested. He doesn’t appear as angry as he usually does and with eyes like that, Baizhu could almost call him innocent looking.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing,” Baizhu realises Diluc’s face has made him smile more so than he should, “You just have a sweet face.”
Diluc’s never heard that before. Perhaps when he was younger, but nowadays, no comment regarding Diluc came close to that.
“I don’t think so,” Diluc denies, being genuine but also admittedly attempting to save his pride.
“I do,” Baizhu counters. Diluc frowns, forcefully.
“Good for you,” He responds lightheartedly, earning a scoff from Baizhu.
“I would have never thought you’d had such…Intriguing humour.”
“There’s a lot of things you’d never guess about me,” Diluc responds cryptically and for more flirtatiously than he wants to admit.
“Oh, is that so?”, Baizhu raises an eyebrow, the corner of his lip quirking up, “Please, Diluc,” Baizhu’s grip on Diluc’s broad shoulder toughens, “Enlighten me.”
Diluc, albeit red in the face, feels daring. He doesn’t want to admit that their first kiss is impulsive but it is. Diluc’s always thought such kisses were in poor taste, yet, this feels more exciting than he’d imagined.
Baizhu seems like a natural, his cunning hands craftily making their way over Diluc. One hand stays put on his shoulder, while the other explores, setting at his waist before pulling him in slightly.
Diluc hums through the kiss, a hand messily placed on either side of Baizhu’s lap.
At first, Diluc worried they wouldn’t have the chemistry they’d shown in their letters, but this moment proved him wrong. He was so incredibly wrong.
Even with Diluc’s highly built pride, he can accept a loss on this one, gladly.
He’s never been so thankful to be wrong in his entire life.