Work Text:
Two less-lonely people in the world
It is quiet. Incredibly, unnervingly so. So much so that Eula swears she can hear the continuous ticking of the tiny pocket watch resting by her hip.
She’s certain that if she checks it, the time would reflect some ungodly hour of the night- maybe even tell her that it is already a new day refreshing.
Eula has stood in the same spot for hours she could no longer be bothered to count, definitely bored out of her wits, though her upbringing would allow no such tell in her manners.
Still… there must be something worth doing. Something to keep her entertained until the leaders of Teyvat realize that the greatest ‘peace’ they can hope to achieve at present during these treaty talks is the peace that comes with slumber; realize that sleep is a necessity to continue living. Maybe a luxury to people like them, but despite her reconnaissance duties-demanding as they are at times- Eula likes to think she still holds a healthy sleeping schedule compared to most knights. (She tries not to think about a certain grand master and knight-maid in contrast.)
Eula would very much love to get some peace of mind before she loses said mind and gives those workaholics a piece of her mind.
Her eyes have gotten tired of the plain wooden panels in front of her, and she shifts them about, catching sight of her companion who has been in the same predicament as herself. Huh.
Eula secretly gives the tall figure a once-over, noting the tireless rigid stance it maintains. Eula sighs. She can already guess that they both aren’t ones to strike up idle chatter, if the hours they’d already spent in silence were any more obvious of an indication.
But.
She remains bored.
And Eula Lawrence isn’t too keen on staying bored. She’s already quite exhausted from going straight to guarding this meeting just as they’d stepped foot on the island without a moment’s rest. Getting bored on top of that- Eula would hate to drift off in any way. (Not that her discipline would permit such a thing.) So perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to try.
Perhaps.
Shuffling her feet, she quietly clears her throat. Just loud enough to be heard or not, hoping it doesn’t sound like a rude interruption and casual enough to be dismissed.
Her fellow watch guard bats nary an eyelash.
Eula sighs.
Guess she’ll have to be more direct in her approach if she wants any sort of reaction.
“So?” She begins, as nonchalant as she can. “Why, pray-tell, is the esteemed general and supposed right hand of Inazuma’s Archon out here in a freezing hall, guarding a sturdy enough door with a- not to be boastful, but- perfectly capable knight ensuring safety, as it is my assigned duty?”
Said general blinks, having been previously lost in thought and unable to catch much of what her companion had just asked.
“Pardon?”
Sara looks caught off guard, clearly not expecting this sudden conversation- brows knit together as she turns her focus to Eula.
Eula swallows her amusement, tries to remain professional-looking. Sara had cocked her head to the side, looking very much like a curious bird. Eula will never admit to it looking cute, not in front of the general, at least. She tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear before resting her gaze upon the impeccable posture of the foreign general.
“Why aren’t you inside with the rest of the representatives in the meeting? From what Gun- Mondstadt’s acting grand master has told me, alongside your ruler, representatives from each country’s administrative hand have been invited to join. That includes all notable and distinguished members of any noble family.” Eula clarifies as she straightens up from her position leaning against the doorpost, feeling somewhat conscious now that she has the ever-serious general’s attention.
Sara’s mouth stays in that same single line, unmoving.
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Trying to make small talk with someone possibly more stoic than even Rosaria or Diluc- wait. No.
Eula shakes her head. That would be an insult to the poor general.
She’s not one to abandon any mission she’s set out to do, but maybe Eula should give up on… whatever this is she’s started.
… except Eula Lawrence does not give up on anything.
She soldiers on, keeping any sort of creeping embarrassment shoved to the back of her mind.
“Ah, if you worry about not being able to speak much about these ‘forming connections’ affairs they claim to want to have, I’m sure I heard that this first night is supposedly only an informal dinner so that the representatives may acquaint themselves with one another.” She tries not to bitterly add that they sure are taking their sweet time in ‘getting acquainted’.
“Ah.” Sara blinks slowly, Eula’s words finally registering. She lets out a small cough, features relaxing somewhat. “My apologies, mila-“
“None of that now, General. Captain or Eula should suffice.” Eula cuts Sara off, making it perfectly clear that she wants no ‘madame’s or ‘milady’s reaching her ears. Not tonight. Not in this foreign land that feels much too alike to Mondstadt with Eula in it’s walls. Nothing oppressive, but somewhat alienating.
Actually, she’d like to hear it… not ever. The addresses feel too heavy a reminder of her upbringing and the reality they have wrought her.
“Reconnaissance Captain Lawrence.”
It was almost a lovely sound. Eula regards her title with a nod, pleased by the general’s compliance. Now that is a name she does not mind hearing forever. A testament to her own will and hard work-
Except that she’d have loved it more if her surname had been dropped, her roots forgone and buried in the dust. Still, Sara’s clear respect in how she regarded Eula forgave that thought.
“Yes, General?” Eula cannot help but smile as she feels the previously stiff atmosphere shift into something more cordial in a way that was comfortable instead of stifling as her usual noble-centric encounters have been.
Though without her own smile, the general looks like she shares the sentiment.
“As I was saying. You must be mistaken.” Sara’s eyes flicker toward the decorated carving of the wooden door before facing front once more. “I am not a representative.” She clears her throat. “Or at least, not when it comes to these matters. My eldest brother and I take care of military affairs while my other brother handles such sociopolitical issues.” Would it be fair for Eula to think that the general might be embarrassed?
“Hmmm.”
“I do admit I’ve had my fair share of negotiations with other parties, but…” Sara’s thoughts strive to not linger on her past meetings with one priestess of the resistance. “I believe it is best to leave this to the one more experienced.” She concludes, with another nod that Eula knows is Sara trying to convince herself more than anyone else.
“Like I said, this is only dinner.” Eula repeats pointedly.
Sara’s brows furrow some, a small frown of confusion on her lips as she regards Eula with a rebuttal of her own. “Then why are you out here, Captain Lawrence?”
“Whatever do you mean, General?” Eula replies, tone almost flippant.
“If my memory serves me right from my days of studying Teyvat history, is your presence not also required inside the dining hall?”
Eula’s laugh is boisterous, yet painful-sounding. Sara hides her wince, wondering why it is so.
“General Kujou, your memory may not be wrong, but it seems to have missed a few parts.”
Sara raises a brow, a silent ‘continue’ going unspoken.
Eula huffs, a mirthless smile replacing her equally joyless laughter. Why is she even entertaining the thought of sharing her history with Sara?
Well, whatever. It is a quiet night. Dull, even by her standards. The ‘meeting’ in the room has probably gone on some five to six hours. She might as well entertain herself with the general’s decent company and average listening abilities- or so she assumes.
“I’m simply here to guard the Acting Grand Master, the Heiress of the ‘Great and Noble Gunnhildr Clan’ as an attendant. A bodyguard, if you will. While Master Diluc Ragnvindr may also protect her, he is not of the knights and holds no responsibility nor duty to shield her from harm’s way. He himself is also a representative. And while I know so truly that the Dandelion Knight, Jean Gunnhildr can certainly hold her own…”
“I’ve heard stories, yes.” Sara hums in agreement.
“Yes, let’s just say it’s for formalities’ and image’s sake. That’s all there is to it.” Eula curses herself internally from chickening out, but she would like to think talking about your tragic past is not the best first impression out there.
“I… see.”
“Besides, no one would want a fallen clan’s blood, much less their now-bastard heir to represent their anything.” Eula shrugs, trying to sound as unbothered as she wanted them both to believe she was.
“Fallen... clan.” Sara echoes as the walls of the empty space do.
Silence reigns between them once more and Eula can’t help but think of how she’d love some wine right about now. She should have not stopped Rosaria from smuggling those few bottles into her pack.
“It may seem as though we hold similar reasoning, Captain Lawrence.” Sara regards her once more, breaking the quiet. Eula secretly loathes the flash of sympathy in her eyes.
Or is it empathy?
Only Sara can tell her. “I… my shame does not permit me to remain in the same gracious space as her excellency, nor can I face my loyal peers. Not… not with how my clan has done.” Tell her she does. “In a sense, it might be selfish of me to throw my own brother into the flames of scrutiny, however-“
Eula laughs, unintentionally interrupting Sara who again gives her that bewildered expression.
“You as well, huh?” Eula’s laughter dies down. She leans back against the wall as she heaves a weighted sigh, closing her eyes momentarily. She could almost fall asleep from how light she currently felt. The lightness that came with the knowledge that someone might finally understand you.
“Captain Lawrence-?”
“’Your clan and your past does not define you’“. It is said almost like a whisper, a prayer that Eula’s heart knows is too difficult to answer, for it to actually be true. “–The Acting Grand Master told me that.” She adds.
Sara nods slowly, simply listening, allowing Eula her time for what they both can feel is a much-needed release− a freedom from all the emotions she’s bottled up thus far.
“Yes, I agree. I agree with her words.” Eula speaks wistfully. Bitterly. “They certainly do not. Should not, but… the people around you try to.”
“People will always try to place their own definition on things they have yet to understand objectively.” Sara tells her. “I know I do. I think it is simply one way of getting to know and learn of the world.” She muses, though not without having to ignore the regret that digs into her heart as she tries not to remain in her memories.
“What a way to learn, huh?” Eula spits out.
A beat passes in silence.
Maybe this was the end to Eula’s little social excursion.
Whatever. She’s too tired to keep it up anyway-
“Pardon me if this may sound too personal, but…”
Eula wonders what Sara could possibly want to talk about. Did she want to dig deeper into Eula’s scars? Did she want a more specific description? Did she want something for future use against Eula? If so, she’d have to prepare some suitable venge-
“Are you and Mondstadt’s Grand Master possibly…” General Kujou Sara is surprisingly capable of blushing, Eula notes. “…ehem, uh… How shall I phrase this? Again, forgive me for being so brazen and assuming, but… are you… i-involved? By any chance?”
Oh.
Oh.
Eula adds Sara to her long list of targets for vengeance.
Sara is still waiting for the response. Eula sighs, Eula smiles bittersweet, no words, but sara knows the answer.
What was the use denying it if even someone rumored as socially clueless as Kujou Sara could pick it up.
“I’ve heard you are similarly linked to the ever lovely Lady Kamisato.”
The esteemed General Kujou Sara of the Almighty Raiden Shogun coughs up a storm, choking red as she struggles to catch the pieces of her composure falling apart.
“I-I–!”
Eula almost laughs. Almost, if not for Sara’s sudden change in demeanor, eyes downcast as she seems to have organized her thoughts and returned to the reason for her initial inquiry.
Eula hadn’t thought it would be anything so heavy, so serious.
Maybe she should have known better when faced with the very embodiment of serious.
She doesn’t know how to respond to the next words that escapes Sara’s mouth in a rush.
“H-How does it feel to be together with one who is loved by all while you are… not so much liked, if not despised by those same masses?” Sara asks, keeping their conversation going, not knowing why she wants it so. Not knowing why she asks such questions. Her eyes widen a fraction when she realizes that maybe she should have not asked it at all.
Eula finds herself briefly flustered, her mouth possibly dropping had she no better self-control.
Sara asks such sensitive questions, and Eula hates that she has an answer to a situation she lives daily in truth anyway.
She adds another sigh to the count as she stirs her gaze away to one the Shogun’s random potted plants. “Wouldn’t you know the answer to that yourself?” She deflects, instead. “I take it we may have similar experiences, even in this regard.”
Sara pauses, thoughtful. “Perhaps.” Sara weighs. “Perhaps not. I, for one, can confidently say I do not particularly seek the affections of the Inazuman people…”
Eula could almost be jealous of that self-confidence.
“Just…”
“Just?”
Sara clears her throat, turning her eyes away momentarily as she cannot seem to admit to this truth facing the Lawrence girl’s gaze head on.
“I do confess to feeling… lonely… sometimes.”
Eula chuckles, a hollow sound, turning away from her possibly less-than-kindred spirit as she’d initially thought. “Is ‘sometimes’ an understatement like I believe it to be? Or do we differ in this regard as well–“
“Yes.”
Eula chances a glance back at Sara, surveying her form before training her eyes back to the front, staring at the empty hall they had been assigned to guard and wait at. “Hmm.” –Is all she responds to that.
Or it’s supposed to. But curse her tired mind, and desperation to be understood, heard, listened to- for her loose lips.
“I would say I sometimes feel jealous.” Eula softly admits. “How does it feel… for your efforts to be regarded, rewarded? How does it feel to get a pat on the back? How does it feel to be praised and accepted? Validated and seen…”
Her memories and emotions flow like a torrent of waves that threaten to wash away what little restraint she has on herself left.
“Captain…”
“When people’s eyes light up at the sight of you, children run up to you, wanting to hold your hand, offering you flowers and smiles, and-and warmth.”
Eula only ever knew the cold: a cold greater than that of the Dragonspine she’s been a constant in.
“How does it feel to be loved?” Eula grimaces at the crack in her voice, the weakness she’s allowed to slip through. But she has no strength to deny the dull aching of her heart, the painful thuds it subjects her to.
Sara remains quiet, and Eula does not dare look up to see whatever expression the general wears.
She suddenly squeaks as she feels an awkward weight- a hand- patting her on the back clumsily.
It’s unfamiliar, but Eula wants to welcome it fully.
General Kujou Sara is such an oddity.
“I’d like to know the answer to that as well.” She whispers, continuing her awkward display of comfort until Eula’s breathing has slowed, and she clears her throat, standing upright once more.
Sara retracts her hand and returns to her post as Eula fixes her appearance, swipes at the infuriating tears at the corners of her eyes.
“Thank you.” Eula mutters, a hint of shyness coloring her tone.
The general grunts in response, picking at her clothes, fixing the non-existent disorder they have.
“…It was the least I could do.” Sara speaks after a time. “I… when I… catch myself dwelling on such things, I’ve found that any sort of comfort is what I seek. Now, I know you may think of it as weak for a general with such a posi-“
“I do not.” Eula cuts in.
Sara blinks. “… thank you, then.” Sara fiddles with the sword strapped to her side for a bit, before speaking once more. “Ayaka-san, she– … ever since we became… l-lov… romantically… we”
“You can just say lovers.” Eula teases, noticing the tell-tale reddening of the Tengu General’s ears.
“Y-yes, that. Since we became l-lovers, or maybe even before that, Ayaka-san… she’s taught me much. About love, comfort, being accepted, being allowed to make a choice and live. Live, not as the shogun’s general, not as the Kujou-clan’s glorified weapon, but as me: Sara.”
Eula can’t help the smile on her face, happiness for her new comrade blossoming in place of her earlier sorrows.
“Amidst the stormy seas of Inazuma, she has become my dependable anchor. She has kept me grounded, sane. She has kept me hopeful, and… well, I’d like to say she’s kept me alive. Willing to be alive.” Sara has such a far-off look in her eye. One of adoration, love, gratefulness, respect… longing.
It's an expression Eula sees on herself, reflected on glass windows when she is out on ‘night patrols’ with Jean, when they know no one else in the world watches them- sees them.
And Sara and Eula both know that just behind their shallow envy is an understanding of the city. For who are they to not know of how much more difficult it is not to fall in love with the women who effortlessly catch all hearts by merely existing.
They’d be a hypocrite to say they could not grasp the notion.
They know it all too well.
Moreso than the rest of the world even.
The world should be envious of them instead. The ones who are loved by the loved.
“I also believe,” Sara continues, and Eula listens. “That though we may long for the same affections of those around us, we are also aware of the pressures they are subjected to? I, at least, see how exhausted Ayaka-san is after a long day of dealing with countless people, all who see hope in you and think you are their only chance of gaining help.”
“Mm.” Eula winces at a memory of a Jean ran ragged, a constant image that has been imprinted in her mind from the many times she’s encountered the disposition. “That is definitely one thing I would never be jealous of.”
“They work so hard, they strive and serve, and put their all in… how could I bring myself to deny Ayaka… how could I not want to assist her and aid her in her burdens?” Sara speaks in a relatable manner, Eula nodding along because it was the truth.
It was only fair that they earned and deserved all the adoration.
And How could Eula actually loathe Jean?
How could Sara not want to be in such the illuminating presence that is Kamisato Ayaka?
They were both as moths to flames so warm, so bright in their cold, dark worlds. Those flames would engulf them, embrace them, and lay to ash their sorrows and pains, even if it was for merely a night.
“I’ve always hated my upbringing. I’ve hated how life just decided that I was the antagonist to everyone’s story. I abhor fate and its law of turning me into an outcast when I had… When I have no part in its past.” Eula murmurs.
“If we were given the chance to start over our lives, in places far from this, in settings vastly differing… do you think we’d take it?” Sara muses. “To start anew? To maybe receive love from the start? To have grown in different circumstances?”
Eula ponders it for no longer than a second.
“As tempting as it sounds, I’d rather not take my chances.” She shares a grin with the general. “What if it means you don’t get to be with your lovely lady, after all?”
Sara smiles amidst her scoff. “I believe in fate. Soulmates.” Eula resisted the urge to tease her for that. “And even if they weren’t true, I know that I would still seek Ayaka. I would still love her as fervently and as loyally as I do now.” Sara’s words are a confession, a proposal so sincere, Eula can almost see the ring. “I would still dedicate all my affections, love, and adoration to her.”
“Consider me in awe, General.” Eula shakes her head in amazement. “Though I concur, wholeheartedly. I do not enjoy the history that torments me, but…” She leaves it to her companion to finish the rest.
“I guess, you could say… at the end of it all that…” Sara smiles a small thing, heartwarming as she wraps her fingers round the charm nestled safely in her pocket.
“That?”
“In my life where everything goes wrong, something finally went right.”
“Now there’s two less lonely people in the world?” Eula chuckles a second time that night, only that the sound is fuller, clearer… happier. “I never imagined you to be one who listened to such worldly tunes, General.”
“And I you, Captain.” Sara laughs quietly, eyes rising to the ceiling. “Some things just come unexpectedly, as I imagine you know.”
And then the door finally opens, and Eula sees two tired faces switch to beaming at the sight of her and the general. It sends a burst of melting joy in her icy heart as her arms fall around a waist that felt just like home, embracing her in her fulness.
She’s glad she took the chance to speak with the taciturn (adorably so) general. Maybe they could do this again next time.
And as Eula lays in bed with a bundle of dandelion-scented sun nestled into her bosom, she finds herself agreeing with Sara one last time for the night.
“I do know.”