Work Text:
One Sided Conversations
The following morning is a whirlwind of activity that Morse can't even try to follow as he's fed, poked, prodded and creamed.
'Hey! Ouch! Why is this necessary!? Oh! That's cold! Have you been keeping that in the fridge?'
Eventually the house falls silent and Morse is left in a lovely painkiller induced haze under his quilt. Briefly.
"Right Morse, I need your help with something. Mind if I pop you up here with me for a bit?"
'Hmm? Help? Right now? With what?'
Morse noses out of his cocoon and spots Freds outstretched hands, hobbling over as fast as he can to climb on board.
'Are we working? You've really got something so hard to solve that hedgehog me is needed?'
Once settled on Fred's lap, Morse very carefully maneuvers himself to flop backwards and rest his back against the inspectors stomach.
'I feel floaty. Should I feel floaty? Nevermind, I'm comfy. What are we doing?'
"Right. See these numbers?"
'Yes I do.'
"Think you can help me with your sister's phone number?"
'Of course I can! What do you take me for?'
"I'll read the numbers as I show you."
'I can still read you know.'
"Shall we give it a go?"
'You're the one taking your time. I've been ready since I flopped... Ok... yes... yes... no... this one would be quicker if you went the other way ... no... nope... lucky number 7 !.... no...'
Morse has no idea how long it takes but by the end of it, he's rather bored of looking at numbers and more than a little drowsy.
'If I've got this wrong I'm not doing it again!'
"Oh hello. Am I right in thinking this is the number for Miss Joyce Morse?"
'Joyce? I got it right? Does she sound ok?'
"Miss Morse, my name's Thursday."
'Your name is Fred.'
"Detective Chief Inspector Thursday."
'That'll do!'
"I work with your brother."
'She knows that. I think she knows that? She definitely knows that!'
" ... seen in the papers about people in Oxford being turned to animals?"
'It was in the papers? I thought we were keeping it quiet?'
"He's a hedgehog and quite a cute one I must say."
'Did she laugh? Tell me she didn't laugh. Wait! Did you just call me cute?'
" .. hoping you can help with to help him turn back!"
'How's she supposed to do that from Lincolnshire? I'm hungry by the way.'
"... may seem a bit strange but he's given his consent for me to ask."
'Lesser of two evils!'
"He didn't seem keen on your mother being involved."
'She's the other evil. Well... she's the real evil, Joycie is just... Joycie!'
"Understood Miss."
'What is? Only hearing one side is very annoying you know. I'm right here!'
"What do you know about his mother?"
'What would she know about my mother? She's my mother not hers. Wait, what is she saying? Why do you look sad? Is Joyce sad?'
Deciding that looking up at Fred backwards wasn't working anymore, especially with Fred not looking at him, Morse turns around and puts his paws on Fred's arm, assessing the grippiness of the sleeve.
"Right. Now... are there any other women in his life that may have had a... profound effect... on Morse?"
'Ah... damn. Susan. Oh well, had to come out sometime. Just keep climbing. Don't you dare move this arm Fredrick!"
"As best he can Miss."
'What now? Whoops! Caught it!'
"Anything you tell me will be held in the strictest confidence."
'If this was Jakes I'd smell a rat. A big, fat, stupid-haired, rat. Nearly there! You have broad shoulders. I can perch like a parrot when I get there.'
"I see."
'See what?'
"Well, that explains a few things."
'What's that supposed to mean!?'
"If there's anything else you think might help?"
'Hello!'
Morse successfully makes it to Fred's shoulder and blinks at him expectantly, getting a little annoyed at the lack of attention until he sees tears forming in Fred's eyes.
'Sir? What is it? What's wrong? What's she saying? What can I do?'
"Thank you Miss. You've been very helpful. I'm sorry if this has upset you."
'I'm sorry it's upset you both. I'm confused.'
"I promise I'm looking after him."
'Once you were done standing on me.'
"Of course."
'Of course what? Are you going to look at me any time soon? Honestly, one minute I'm cute and the next im invisible.'
"Goodbye."
'Bye Joyce! Wh... Why are you crying? Sir? Fred? Hello? Don't make me growl at you! It doesn't feel nice. Hello! Oh! Hi.'
Morse makes one more attempt at getting closer to Fred's ear in the hope of making his snuffles more audible. The small movement must be just enough as he suddenly finds himself nose to nose with his inspector. He would have been amused by Fred's crossed eyes if he wasn't so worried about the tears running down the mans face. Moving his nose away slightly he raises his paw to catch a tear as it falls.
'No more crying. I'm not worth crying over.'
The poor hog nearly has a heart attack as Fred suddenly scoops him up with a chuckle and gives him a kiss on his head.
'Hey! Wha.... erm... Ok...'
"Ha! Far more open with how you feel as a hog aren't you?"
'Am I?'
"When we get you back to normal, you and I are going to have a good long talk."
'That doesn't sound good!'
"Although, if I don't give you your medicine in the next 10 minutes my wife might murder me before we get that far."
'They don't sound good either.'
"Come on."
'I have no intention of moving. You want me in there, carry me. Oh. You are carrying me. I don't need medicine! I feel better already! It doesn't taste good. Oh fine.'