Chapter Text
“I think we should have kids,” Jake says, wandering into the living room.
“What?”
“You heard me, Roo.”
“Yeah, I heard you, but where did this come from?” Bradley asks, bewildered. Sure, they had joked about having a few kids now and again, but never any actual conversations on the topic. Jake really knew how to make an entrance, didn’t he?
“Well, I figure we’ve been married for a while now, and we finally have lower-risk jobs; I feel like starting a family is the natural next step” Jake plops down next to Bradley on the couch. He stops fiddling with the watch he was trying to fix and looks at his husband–it still feels weird to say that even though they’ve been married for two years.
“And, not that it matters or anything, but Javy already has a kid, and you know how much I hate being bested by him” Jake let out a chuckle. His words were light and airy with no immediate pressure behind them, but Bradley knew he was being serious about this having children thing, even if his tone suggested otherwise. And why should he not be serious? Now would be the best time to adopt or find a surrogate if that’s what they wanted. Jake was in the reserves now, and Bradley was an instructor at Top Gun. The only way it could be better is if Bradley stopped flying altogether. Which, if he’s being honest, wouldn’t come anytime soon.
Bradley laughs at the jab at Javy’s expense; maybe he would tell him about that later. “So, we’re actually doing this?” He looks into Jake’s green eyes and sees nothing but joy in them. So, yes, they were doing this. He raises his eyebrows and says, “Ok, were you thinkin’ about adoption or finding a surrogate?”
His spouse furrows his eyebrows in thought. It was clear he hadn’t thought of that before, but that’s okay. That’s what Bradley is here for, to think about the questions that need answers before jumping head first into a situation. But, that’s what he finds so endearing about Jake is his immediate willingness to solve a problem without reflecting on it beforehand. So, after pondering those two options for a good minute, he finally speaks.
“Y’know, as fun as it would be to have a mini-me runnin’ around this house, I think adoption is the way to go,” Bradley nods in response, letting a slight giggle slip from his lips. He shakes his head, thinking about a blond-haired child wreaking havoc wherever they went. Because, yeah, any child of Jake’s would be quite the handful. He figured Jake would settle on adopting instead of having a biological child. He doesn’t talk about it much, but Jake was thrown into the foster care system when he was seven years old. A drunk driver took everyone in his immediate family. Jake wasn’t there. He ended up with a loving family in Texas, but it was never the same.
“Adoption it is then,” He replies.
“Do we want to adopt a younger or older kid?”
“An older kid for sure; I don’t know if we could handle a baby or a toddler,” Jakes adds with a laugh.
“Yeah, I can imagine you being in a constant state of panic all the damn time cause you’re such a worry-wort,” Jake lightly punches him in the arm for that remark. Worth it, he thinks. He doesn’t say that he would also be an anxious ball of emotions on top of all the stress from teaching the newest generation of pilots. Not a good combination. Although, parenting an older child might be just as, if not more, stressful. Regardless, they’ll tackle everything that comes their way together. Bradley goes to say something else before he stops himself. Maybe they should be writing all this information down so they don’t forget it. He hops up off the couch and grabs his laptop from the counter. He opens the lid and brings up a new notes file, jotting down the details they had ironed out. Bradley’s fingers worked rapidly before coming to a stop.
“Something wrong?” Jake questioned, noticing the nearly imperceptible change in Bradley’s behavior.
“It’s kinda funny, uh, I just realized I don’t really know anything about the adoption process,” Bradley replied. A tiny blush dusted his cheeks. He didn’t know why. It wasn’t an overly embarrassing thing to admit. He’s sure most average people don’t know how adoption works. And he’s undoubtedly spilled more scandalous secrets over too many beers. His fingers are still hovering over the keys, waiting for what he’s not sure.
“Oh, well, that’s okay,” Jake waves a hand like he’s batting away Bradley’s silly little thoughts. “I mean, hell, even I’m not sure how it works, and I went through the damn process,” He adds softly. “Plus, that’s what Google’s for, ain’t it? To answer questions, we don’t know?”
“Hm, I suppose that’s true,” Bradley concedes. “I don’t know; I still feel silly over it.”
“What? You know that’s totally unreasonable, right? No one has to know everything, Roo” He tries to soothe his husband’s worries. But despite his calm words, Bradley’s face was etched with concern.
Jake knew what he had to do. Getting up from his spot on the couch, he pads over to where Bradley is hunched over his laptop. He approaches the brunette from behind and places his hands over Bradley’s, moving them away from the keyboard. Then, with their hands still clasped together, he spins Bradley around to face him. Jake brings Bradley’s hands to his face and uncurls his fingers out of their fist. Then, with a softness that can only come from him, Jake bends his head down and places gentle kisses on each of Bradley’s palms. But he doesn’t stop there. Jake trails kisses up Bradley’s forearm, onto his shoulder, collarbone, neck, and finally his cheek. It’s kind of embarrassing how easily Bradley melts into Jake’s touch, his knees weakening a tad.
Bradley would've laughed right in your face if you had told him when he met Jacob "Hangman" Seresin for the first time how tender and soft he could be.
“Darlin’, it’s okay,” Jake whispered into the shell of his ear. He pulls back to catch a glimpse of Bradley’s face. It’s more relaxed now. The anxiety that once covered his beautiful features had dissolved and was replaced with contentment. Bradley lets out a quiet sigh and rests his head on Jake’s shoulder. He enjoys these peaceful moments between them. They used to be few and far between but have become more commonplace now, which Bradley is grateful for.
“Thank you,” He mumbles into Jake’s shirt. Bradley thinks about what he did to deserve Jake. And how he has this magical ability to pull Bradley out of his spirals by touch alone. Whenever he thought about the future when he was younger, he never expected to end up here. Standing with his face buried in his ex-rivals shoulder. But he’s so pleased that he did. It makes his chest hurt a little just thinking about it. He breathes in Jake’s comforting scent, which grounds him further. Jake smells like the arid desert surrounding their home, along with the salty sea air that still clings to him. You can take a man from the sea, but you can’t take the sea from a man.
He lifts his head off its comfortable resting place and glances at the clock. It was nearing midnight. Why did they always have these types of conversations late at night? Jake turned his head to look at what Bradley was staring at.
“It’s gettin’ late, Sweetheart. Should probably head to bed, and we can figure this all out in the morning,” Jake says quietly, giving him a quick peck on the lips before drawing away from Bradley. He sees Jake walk off toward their bedroom and wants to join him, but he lingers in the kitchen for a moment longer. Then, finally, he turns back to his laptop and shuts the lid.
♦♦♦♦
Bradley wakes to the smell of breakfast being made and an empty space that Jake typically occupied. God, he loves this man. One of the tricks Jake kept up his sleeve was his ability to cook delicious meals–courtesy of his gran, Jake tells him. How he maintained his skill during his time in the Navy, Bradley doesn’t know, but he’s not about to ask questions. Instead, he stretches out, letting the sleep seep out of his limbs, before getting up and going about his morning routine.
Eventually, Bradley roams into the kitchen. And there’s Jake, in all his glory, cooking up a storm.
“Y’know, I don’t know why they call you Rooster; you’re hardly a morning person,” Jake quips, stirring what looks like gravy.
“Take that back, or I won’t give you a kiss,” He mutters.
“And to think, here I was, making you a nice breakfast, and this is how you treat me, Bradshaw?” Jake raises a hand to his chest in mock hurt. Bradshaw. He hadn’t heard that one come out of Jake’s mouth in a while. They usually only use their last names when one is annoyed with the other. In this case, it’s simply a joking annoyance. Or at least he thinks it is. He’s sure it is when Jake continues preparing their food. He appreciates that they can still banter like they used to back when they were at Top Gun initially. Would they be Bradley and Jake without their constant back and forth?
When he doesn’t reply, Jake lets out an exasperated huff. “Well, lucky for you, I don’t want this masterpiece of culinary art to go to waste, so here, dig in, asshole” Jake sets a plate of piping hot biscuits and gravy with a side of country ham down in front of him. Bradley shakes his head and accepts the plate, dragging it closer to him.
“You know I love you, right?” He says.
“Do you? Because I still haven’t gotten my good morning kiss,” Jake replies, crossing his arms.
“You’re exhausting,” Bradley speaks, reaching over the counter to land a sloppy kiss on his husband’s mouth. He draws back before Jake can try to deepen the kiss. He knows if he allowed this moment to go any farther, they most likely wouldn’t get anything done for the next few hours. But would that be so bad? Yes, he admits, it would. A mutual understanding passes between them, and Jake lets out a small sigh. Maybe they could fool around later.
Bradley grabs a fork and takes a piece out of his breakfast. He reminisces about the first time Jake made him biscuits and gravy. Being a California boy, he’d never heard of the dish before. So when he mentioned that to Jake, he lost his mind. Jake then started to search the cabinets for the necessary ingredients frantically. Somehow, he was able to scrape everything he needed together and managed to make what Bradley thought was one of the best things he’d ever eaten.
“So, did we wanna try and look into the adoption process more today?” Jake’s voice pulls him out of his memories. Bradley swallows, the gears in his head turning properly now that he got food into his system. Right. Adoption. That’s what they were talking about last night. He tries not to get hung up on the same previous thing that sent him into a spiral. He reminds himself that it’s okay not to know every single piece of information.
Bradley just nods. It’s not that he doesn’t want to have kids with Jake. He does, honestly. Sure, he’s got his reservations, as any new parent-to-be has. But he knows everything will work out in the end.
They ate in relative silence after that. The only noise that could be heard was fighters flying in the distance. They technically didn't live on base, but they were still close enough to listen to the roaring of jet engines. Bradley and Jake didn't mind, though; it was almost comforting.
Bradley scrapes together the last remaining bits of gravy onto his fork and shoves it into his mouth. He downs the few drops of orange juice in his glass and sets it on the empty plate. He gets up, plate in hand, and walks over to the sink, or tries to at least. Jake stops him with a hand on his waist and reaches up to nip at Bradley’s jaw.
“Can I not walk around my own damn house without you trying to seduce me?” He deadpans, but there’s no bite to it.
“Who says I’m trying to seduce you? Am I not allowed to show my affections to my gorgeous husband whenever I get the chance? I’m only human, Bradley,” Jake replies. He attempts to go in for another kiss when Bradley gently shrugs him off, shaking his head.
“Besides, you knew what you were signing up for when you let me slip that ring around your finger,” Jake comments, throwing a wink and a smirk in Bradley’s direction. The action earns him a signature eye roll from the other man.
They never actually get around to researching more into the adoption process. Each man is too caught up in his unique responsibilities that have to be done today. Bradley breaks from his chores to make them lunch, but after that, they return to work. And once everything is finished for the day, they’re both too wiped to do anything more than sleep.
♦♦♦♦
Images flicker through Bradley’s head: his jet burned out of the sky, Jake bent over a casket– tears falling down his face. Their kids, whom they don’t have yet, were standing behind Jake, clutching onto his dress blues. Jake’s fist slams Bradley’s wings into the dark wood. The sound startles him into waking. He feels tears pricking at the edges of his eyes, his breath hitching in his chest. But he refuses to let out a sob. Not here. He doesn’t want to disturb Jake, who gives a soft grunt before shifting. Once Jake is fully settled, he quietly slides off their bed.
He decides to go into the kitchen. Maybe some water would help calm him down. Bradley grabs a glass from the cabinet, promptly ignoring his shaking hand. He doesn’t even make it over to the fridge to fill the glass before his body is wracked with sobs. At least he has half a mind to place the glass onto the counter, lest it shatters and wakes Jake up. Just like Jake’s heart would crack if Bradley ended up dead. He sinks to the floor, cold linoleum shocking his skin. He tucks his head into his knees and tries to remember the breathing exercises his therapist taught him.
Bradley sits in the dark for several minutes, his thoughts racing a million miles per hour. He doesn’t notice when Jake walks in; he only knows he’s there when a hand touches his knee. His magical touch saves him once again. Bradley looks up, his face all ruddy and tear-stained. God, Jake must think he looks pretty pathetic right now. He moves a hand to his face to wipe away the tears, but Jake stops him by catching his wrist in his hand. Jake puts Bradley’s hand down and reaches up with his own to cup Bradley's face. He feels the soft pad of his husband’s thumb on his cheek, gently wiping away the tears.
“Bad dream?” Jake asks, more of a formality than anything. Jakes knows Bradley; hell, he, too, still suffers from nightmares. Bradley only nods his head in response. He’s not ready to speak yet. So, they sit together, Jake keeping at least one point of contact with him at all times. He draws in a few shaky breaths, his throat loosening a bit.
"I-I dreamed that my jet had gone up in flames, and I couldn't eject. Leaving you and the kids behind," Bradley stutters, his voice barely a whisper.
"Kids?"
"Yeah, two young girls. Couldn't have been more than ten years old," He answers, sniffling. He was a goddamn mess. If a bad dream could send him into this much of a spiral, how could he properly look after kids of his own?
"Jake, I know how badly you want kids. And, trust me, I want to have them with you, but," He trails off, fresh tears filling his eyes. Bradley brings up a hand to cover his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut, willing the tears not to fall.
"Baby, you don't have to explain yourself to me. Yes, I want kids. But only when you're ready to help me raise them, okay?" Jake soothes, his fingers running through Bradley's dark curls. Jake leans over and presses a gentle kiss onto his temple. Bradley leans into his touch. He wraps his arms around Jake’s torso, burying his face into his soft nightshirt.
“I’m just so worried I’ll be a bad dad because I never had one. And I can’t even handle a nightmare without becoming a mess; I mean, just look at me,” He mumbles, his voice muffled by Jake’s shirt.
“Sweetheart, I know you’ll be the best dad to walk this earth. Well, maybe not the best. That title will belong to me. But, you’ll be second best,” Jake jokes, trying to make Bradley laugh, if even a little bit. It works, sort of. What sounds like a half-whimper half-chuckle comes out of his throat. But, hey, Jake’ll take it.
“Plus, we won’t be raising them alone. We’ve got all the others, who I’m sure will be thrilled to be aunt and uncles again, and then there’s Mav and Penny. But, we don’t have to start the process until you’re ready. If that means waiting a few more weeks, months, or even years, that’ll be just fine with me, Darlin’,” Jake whispers.
Eventually, Bradley finds himself back in their bed. His face is resting on Jake's chest, listening to his strong, steady heartbeat.