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Jirou was tired. It was 3:00 AM, and no matter how many times she twisted and turned the blankets, she couldn’t stop thinking about her conversation with Momo earlier in the day. Her previous conversation with Momo about how they wanted to spend more time together hadn’t changed a thing. Sighing, they headed to the kitchen hoping to get a drink to try and calm herself down.
Heaving herself onto the counters, they tapped her fingers against it as they watched the numbers on the microwave go by. Her focus kept shifting from various objects in the kitchen, as she found herself constantly shifting her thoughts away from that again.
Starting to anxiously play with her fingers she started to question the situation brought upon herself. Her friendship with Momo seemed to make it all worse but she couldn’t imagine life without her. It was stupid, the way she wanted to grab her by the chin, tilt her down and just give her a soft peck on those ridiculously pretty li-
Oops. Jirou’s light tapping on the counters turned into an intense drumming. Reaching down beside her she felt around for her phone, realizing that she left it in her dorm room. They grabbed her cup and headed back. Back in the room, they found her phone and saw multiple texts from Momo.
From: Momo
“Hi Jirou! Sorry for texting you this late in the night, I hope I didn’t wake you, I was just thinking about what you said earlier.”
“If possible, I was wondering if you could elaborate on what you meant? I believe we are spending an adequate amount of time with each other, just like good friends should! 😁”
Friends. That’s all they’d ever be, and that’s all they could be. What did she expect? If friends were all they were, then she could be a good one, that was the best she could do for Momo. They sighed, fingers typing words that they would never send, but words that would hopefully help her…get over ‘this’. Whatever this was.
From: Jirou
“I was already awake, so don’t stress yourself out.
"I’ve been thinking about “us”...for some time. I’m..I'm never going to send this, but maybe just typing it out will help me get over it?"
I want to be more than friends. I want to hold your hand as we walk through the school, to be the first one you come running to after another perfect score.
To be the one you dream of, and the one you wish to spend the rest of forever with. I wish to hold you in my arms as I call you mine. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to be your friend, how much longer I can take your light touches and cute outfits and pretend they don’t make my cheeks heat up and smile.
I love you.
Signed, your best friend.
(God. It would be so easy to just click send once. To have all her feelings finally out in the open, to maybe hope that her Momo felt the same way about them.)
Jirou glanced longingly at the small device she dumped her emotions into. Sighing once more she placed her phone down only to find another text from Momo.
From Momo:
“Jirou, are you ok, you’ve been typing for quite a while now..”
One button pushed, and all her feelings, love, admiration, everything would be gone, hidden behind well intentioned “friendship”. With a deep sigh and a heavy heart they tapped the delete button on the message, and threw the phone away for a bit. She could respond to Momo later, and claim she had fallen asleep with her thumb on the keyboard or something.
Laying down on the bed, Jirou curled into a ball. Wanting to disappear from her current situation, and hopefully catch some rest while they were at it. Closing her eyes, trying not to dream of the only person that was on her mind, Jirous eyes slowly started to close...
And open again, after what felt like only a few minutes. Judging by the sky outside, it was clearly past morning, but it was the weekend, so who cares if she spent a few extra hours out in bed? Blinking a few times grasping the situation she was in, she scanned the room. Reaching over to grab the phone she flung away from her last night to see numerous texts and missed calls from Momo. Jirou groaned, turning it off and placing it on her bedside to charge. She would respond to Momo, she would, she just…needed more time.
Trying to wipe the sleep out of her eyes they stood up and checked the time. Drowsily walking to the kitchen in hopes of finding something filling. Her phone was soon forgotten as they headed towards the kitchen.
Upon entering the kitchen, they found only one other person there, Kaminari, and as much as they loved taking to him (and as much as they could use a really quick charge), they really weren't in the mood. Acknowledging him with a small nod, they made her way over to the cabinets, trying to find something to eat. Kaminari ignored her completely as they started blabbing on how they were in love with Shinsou. Jirous mind wandered once more towards the one person she had to ignore.
“Kaminari- please. Can we just…talk about something else?”
She hoped her tone conveyed annoyance, and not the heartbreak she could feel with every thought on how she was distancing herself from Momo. Kaminari noticed the mood change, and became silent. He figured out her feelings towards Momo very fast, he wasn’t blind, but he knew nothing of how to help.
“Jirouuuuuuu don’t be like thatttt. I’m leaving anyway, not all of us can be smarty-pants like Mo- I mean like….uh… deku?”
Flashing his signature thumbs, he slowly backed out of the room, running away as soon as he was out of sight. Jirous' face showed confusion, blinking a few times to try and process what just happened. NO. Kaminari already knew about her-situation…what was she to do now?
If Denki-love-struck, stuck in his own world half the tie knew about her stupid prediment, everyone basically knew about her prediment. DIstancing seemed like her only hope, as much as she knew it was going to hurt. She headed towards her room to change, she grabbed her phone and went on her way. She was going on a walk to buy herself some flowers, and maybe a coffee or two. Their phone was probably charged enough by now, she could put on some music, ignore everyone and everything, study a bit, and call it a day.
Oh. And probably reply to Momo’s message. Checking Momo’s messages, she scrolled to when Momo had started to spam Jirou- you see Momo was never one to spam.
From: Momo
Jirou, can we talk??
From Momo:
Jirou??
From: Momo
Jirou please
From: Momo
pelase irou
From: Jirou
Huh, oh of course
*Location sent*
Jirou now wondered what had happened to make Momo make spelling mistakes, but she played it off as drowsy morning texts. She wanted to distance herself from Momo, because she was going to drive herself crazy if she didn’t, but she also needed baby steps. They could meet up, that was fine. Talk it out.
From Momo:
I’ll be there in a minutre
Jirou paced around her room anxiously staring from her door to the wall and back again. It was really out of character the way Momo was acting, the typos, spam texts, just…everything about the situation seemed weird. Almost as if…
Wait.
Shit.
They hurriedly started scrolling through their texts with Momo, heart beating faster every second as they got to the time of 3:58 AM. Their eyes went wide as they read their heartfelt confession. Fucking damnit. They sent it.
She couldn't do this, couldn’t face Momo right now. Didn’t even think she could even bring herself to see Momo’s initial reaction in text because she knew it was hatred, knew it knew it, knew it, knew it- Her palms started to gather sweat, thoat began clamming up, and her breath began to quicken. Shit. Not now. Their heart sped up and their began to tremble.
Her phone was gone. Probably dropped or thrown. Placed somewhere Jirou didn’t have the mental capacity to figure out.
They felt their legs giving out under them, but felt no impact.
Her hands were tugging at hair. Pulling and pulling trying to remove everything wrong. Tears forming under eyes slammed shut. Pulling became furious, grabbing and silence was filled with quiet sobbing.
They continued to break down on the floor trying, hoping, pleading that Momo didn’t hate them.
She had no idea how long she stayed there, back against the wall. Hands wrapped in hair or iintensly scratching their wrists and a replay on just how fucking much she couldn’t take loosing Momo this fast.
They felt something grab their wrist and pull. They wanted to fight, wanted to pull away and stay in their stupid little miserable world until everything bled out and they were left there with hopefully no feelings or memories of Momo ever again.
Jirou looked up, her eyes puffy, breath broken, and heart shattered. Momo crouched in front of Jirou, placing her hands on either cheek to wipe away any extra tears. She, too, had tears in her eyes.
“J-Jirou?”
Momo hesitated, clearly wanting to embrace her. Her hands were soft on Jirous, carefully stroking them in a way Momo hoped was calming.
Jirou's hands began to twitch, and she tried to concentrate on the circular motions Momo was making but it seemed impossible.
“I’m… sorry Momo I-I just don’t thi-think I can handle this right now. J-Just leave, okay?”
There was so much more Jirou could have said. They could have asked for clarification that they were still friends, for a hug that would be a final ‘grace’ before true distancing, for a word of advice or for Momo to just sit there and listen, listen to everything Jirou had to say about her
.
Momo stared at her with longing eyes, and she pulled Jirou in for a warm embrace. Sitting there Jirou started to break down once more, tears flowing from her eyes once more as Momo gently comforted her dear friend. (Friend. Momo had known Jirous feelings the whole time, of course she had.- how could she ignore feelings that she herself had? But it was always about her parents, her reputation, what was good for them, not what was good for her). She couldn’t disobey her parents, and ruin her “future”. She herself had questioned if she could even have a future without her Jirou. There was so much Momo wanted to tell Jirou. She wanted to tell her about how her heart had sped up when she first got the message, how her cheeks heated up in response to Jirous terribly hidden blushes. How her phone was always full of pictures of Jirou, things Momo thought they would like, how everything was always related to Jirou in some way.
Jirou’s tears came to an end, and breathing soon became normal. They knew this would be the last time they’d be holding Momo this close, and she knew that her dreams could never become anything more.
Momo looked into Jirou’s eyes. Her hand traveled over Jirou’s face, slowly tracing her jawline and pulling her face up, for a soft eye contact that they both unspokenly held. Momo knew it was wrong, she understood the consequences, but all of her thoughts were focused on Jirou, and Jirou only. Slowly she started moving closer to Jirou, she went in for a delicate kiss.
Jirou saw Momo coming in, the way her eyes held an affectionate pity for her as she leaned in, but Jirou couldn’t take it. Her head leaned to the side, effectively blocking Momo off, as she made to get up. Before she could move she leaned in to whisper in Momo’s ear. “I love you, I love you so much, but I know that you can never love me the way I love you.”
“Jiro-Jirou listen-” Momo tried to reason, but Jirou wasn’t having it.
“And even if you did, I don’t want you to give everything up for me. You have a reputation you need to uphold. I’m not dragging you down with me. Momo..after all these years-I just can’t risk ruining what we spent years building just because you think you understand the consequences. You have a family, a legacy to uphold… don’t let me get in the way of that.”
Momo wanted to argue, she wanted so badly to prove Jirou wrong, to hold her hand and march up to her parents and the world and still have them take her seriously, but deep down, in her heart, she knew Jirou was right. Momo couldn’t have a life with Jirou, not in this world.
Jirou stood up and walked to the door, holding it open for Momo to leave. “In another universe… perhaps?”
Momo turned around, foot halfway through the door, hand itching to grab out and hold Jirou one last time.
“Y-yeah. Another universe.”
#chair