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There is a certain kind of day where all you want to do is eat mini pretzels alone in the dark while sitting underneath the kitchen table.
Today, unfortunately, is one of those days, but Dustin has no mini pretzels and no chance of being left alone were he to take up temporary residence underneath the kitchen table. So he has to improvise. Which is dumb.
Vecna survived being set on fire and shot like four times, Max is in a coma that she most likely will never wake up from, their town is practically a wasteland, and Eddie is dead , but nope, the thing everyone’s fixated on right now is fixing and cleaning up a stupid cabin.
And…yeah, the reason is so that El will have someplace safe to stay while she’s being hunted by the government who thinks all this is her fault, but…
Never mind. Dustin doesn’t have a justifiable reason to be annoyed at that. He’s just mad for no reason.
Whatever.
He slips past Steve, Mike, and Will unnoticed with a blanket, a flashlight, a book, and a box of Barnum’s Animal Crackers. In hindsight, he really wishes he’d just stayed home today, but Steve drove him and he has no way to get back from here.
He stuffs himself into a hallway closet and shuts the door behind him, flicking on the flashlight and throwing the blanket over himself. He props up the flashlight against the wall so he has a free hand to eat out of the box of Animal Crackers sitting in his lap, as the other is occupied with an old beat-up copy of The Indian in the Cupboard he found in the other room.
It may be a little childish and way below his reading comprehension level, but Dustin’s not exactly in the mood to read Stephen King right now. Besides, he really needs something easy and childish at the moment, to distract himself from everything going on, which is anything but.
He considers that he should have brought a mixtape too to drown out the sounds of talking from outside the closet, but they’re easy enough to ignore once he gets settled, immersing himself in the silly superficial mishaps that Omni and Patrick and Little Bear find themselves in.
He gets a quarter of the way through the book and halfway through the box of animal crackers before he’s jolted out of his blissful fantasy land when he hears his name.
“Hey, wait, has anyone seen Dustin?” asks Mike.
Dustin groans internally and stuffs another handful of animal crackers in his mouth. Whatever. He’s ignoring them.
“Actually…no, now that you mention it, I haven’t seen him in a while,” says Steve. “What was he supposed to be doing?”
“He was supposed to be helping you , wasn’t he?” says Mike.
“No? I…I don’t think? I thought he was, uh…”
There’s a pause. Dustin imagines Steve making the dumb face he makes when he’s trying to remember something.
“I don’t remember,” Steve says finally.
Dustin imagines Steve making the dumb face he makes when he’s failed to remember something.
“Do you…” Mike’s voice drops in volume a bit. “Do you think…he’s okay?”
Dustin rolls his eyes. They literally just noticed he’s gone, why are they already assuming the worst.
“I…I’m sure he’s fine. Maybe he just…” Steve trails off. “He’s gotta be around here somewhere.”
Now they’re playing hide and seek. And Dustin’s still ignoring them, even though they’re getting genuinely worried about him now. What. Ever. He slumps down further and tries to get back into The Indian in the Cupboard , but it’s no use now. He’s too distracted by Steve and Mike (and now Will and Lucas) looking for him.
Just. Shut. Up.
He doesn’t want to be here, he wants to go home and hug his mom for some reason, and then take a really long nap except no never mind, going to sleep just makes all this worse because he just sees it over and over and over and over and-
The door opens. Dustin jumps.
“Bro!” says Steve, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “What the heck!”
Dustin glares at Steve and then chooses to pretend he didn’t notice him despite the fact that he literally just acknowledged him by glaring at him.
“Hey, uh…Dustin? I asked you a question.”
“‘What the heck’ is usually a rhetorical question.”
“‘Kay, well how ‘bout this: is there, like…any particular reason why you’re hiding in a closet in this cabin we’re supposed to be cleaning while eating animal crackers and reading The Indian in the Cupboard with a flashlight?” says Steve.
Dustin flips him off and shuts the door.
Steve opens it again. “Dustin. Dude. You know now is like, the worst possible time ever to disappear without telling anyone? Like if you need a break, that’s fine, but you gotta let us know first, okay?”
“I’m fine,” Dustin mutters.
“Yeah, I can see that, but you know what happens when there’s a sentient former-human monster killing people in their dreams lurking around and then someone goes missing, right?”
“What.”
“Everyone freaks out, dude, that’s what!”
Dustin scowls. “Whatever. Go away.”
Steve sighs and sits down cross-legged in the doorway to the closet, much to Dustin’s annoyance. “Alright, c’mon, man, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“Uh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that it’s the end of the world? That’s a problem, right? Go away.”
“I…don’t think that’s it, though,” Steve says. “Is this…is this about Eddie?”
And…yeah, duh, of course that’s it. Dustin instantly goes totally still, staring intently at the pages of his book even though it’s clear he’s not actually reading it anymore. Steve feels like an idiot for not realizing that immediately. Obviously he’s still upset about watching one of his best friends die.
Dustin still hadn’t spoken to anyone about what exactly had happened. He didn’t seem like he wanted to yet, and Steve didn’t want to push it. “Um.” He clears his throat awkwardly. “Are you ready to talk about it, buddy?”
He’s surprised when Dustin actually nods and sets down his book. “Not here,” he mumbles. “There’s…” he blinks. “Too many people.”
“Okay. We can, uh, go in my car if you want. That’s kinda the only place with any, like, privacy right now.”
Dustin nods wordlessly and follows Steve out to his car. He brings the blanket.
They both sit in the back seat. Dustin sits staring out the window for a full minute before he finally starts to talk.
“He…we were gonna go back,” he says quietly. “To…the normal world. I went through, and I thought he was right behind me. But he didn’t come with me. And then he cut the…the rope so that I couldn’t follow him. I should’ve…I should’ve…”
“No, no, no, don’t start with the ‘should have’s,” Steve interrupts softly. “They won’t get you anywhere, I promise.”
Dustin sighs. “Okay. He…he said he wanted to buy you guys more time.So he…did.”
He swallows, and buries his face in the blanket for a moment.
“I got back through by jumping off a chair, even though Eddie moved the mattress so I just fell on the ground. That’s how I hurt my leg. So I couldn’t really run. I didn’t…get there…in time. When I did, the bats were swarming him. All of them. There were so many, and they were so tiny and hard to hit I don’t even know how he…but…but then they all fell, and then he fell, and he was bleeding all over including out of his mouth which means he was also bleeding internally and I told him…”
Dustin has to stop for a moment. He pulls his knees up to his chest and buries his face in his arms, fighting back sobs. He can’t get the picture out of his head . Steve rubs his back and shushes gently.
“I said he would be okay,” Dustin cries, “Even though I knew he wouldn’t. I knew, Steve, I knew he was dying. I-I knew he was going to die right then and there an-...and I don’t kn-know why I s-said that, I j-just…I…he…he was a hero, Steve, and nobody cares. Nobody has any idea what he did for them. He didn’t run. He could have, he c-could have been fine, but he didn’t, he d-didn’t, he…he told me to look a-a-after all of you guys, and then I said I would, ‘c-cause he made me, ‘cause he knew he was dying. He said he loved me, and I said I loved him too, and then…”
Dustin sobs again, shaking his head.
“Then he w-wouldn’t wake up, Steve. He…he wouldn’t w-wake…he wouldn’t wake up, he wouldn’t…I tried to…he wouldn’t wake up and there was so much blood and he stopped br-breathing and he wouldn’t wake up a-a-and…”
Dustin turns and meekly clings onto Steve, which Steve wasn’t expecting. “Woah, hey,” he mumbles, hugging Dustin back. “It’s okay, buddy.”
Dustin tightens his grip. “I wanna go home,” he mumbles. “I just…I just wanna go home. I w-wanna be j-just a normal kid, for a little bit…I don’t wanna think about monsters or the end of th-the world or…or, or dying, I just…” he shakes his head. “I wanna be a normal kid. Do you…do you think that’s selfish?”
“No, no,” Steve assures him. “No, that’s not selfish, Dustin.” He takes his keys out of his pocket. “Want me to drive you home?”
Dustin nods. “Thanks for…for listening.”
“Of course, buddy. Anytime. Hey,” Steve tilts Dustin’s chin up to make him look at him. “I’m always gonna be here for you, okay?”
The look in Dustin’s face says he doesn’t believe him…says he’s watching Steve die in his mind now, too, because Eddie probably said something like that too…
“I mean it, Henderson,” Steve says firmly. “I promise. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. Okay?”
“O-Okay.”
“Good.” Steve ruffles his hair. “I’ll take you home. I can even stay and you can tell me about your comics and make me play video games for a bit, too, how’s that sound?”
Dustin swallows. “Sounds…normal.”
“That’s the idea.”
Dustin nods and wipes away his tears on Steve’s shirt.
“Wow. Thanks.”
“At least I didn’t wipe my nose on your shirt too.”
“Well, it’s not like you’ve never done that before either, you little shit,” Steve says affectionately. “Alright. Ready to go?”
“Okay.”
Things are not really normal, and it’s pretty safe to say that they will never, ever, ever, ever be truly normal again.
But just for now, just for this, for both of them taking turns getting hopelessly lost in the Legend of Zelda and Steve narrating super seriously until he either starts swearing or gets distracted by the cat (“Things may look grim for our hero now, as he’s surrounded by fire-shooting land urchin things, bu- awww, look at the kitty! -but even with only two hearts left, surely Link will- MOTHERF-’” ), things are…okay.
Dustin looks at the guitar pick that Eddie wore around his neck, which he’s been keeping in his pocket.
He puts it around his own neck and tucks it under his shirt before Steve hands the controller back to him.
“You feeling any better, Henderson?” Steve asks quietly.
And actually…yeah. He is.