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She lost her world once, had seen it burst in flames. No one would blame her for not wanting a repeat of that, no one would call her a coward, right? Then why did she feel like one after all. She's a superhero, saving lives and cities daily, then why did she feel disappointed in herself ? She just doesn't want to lose her world again. Lena, was her world and the thought of losing her and their friendship bursting in flames, its ashes joining those of Krypton, was terrifying her.
Alex, Winn, and J’onn were around her celebrating yet another addition to the DEO's basement from Fort Rozz escapees. She was there being the Sunny Danvers she is, albeit not daring to look at Alex for more than two seconds. Alex would spot the insincerity in three seconds and have the truth out of Kara in five seconds. She sent over one last smile, thrown an excuse that Cat needed her back at the Office and flew away, literally.
In fact, Alex knew something was not right with her sister as she has spent years with her, studying her. She knows when her smile doesn't reach her eyes, but she doesn't want to push. She's giving Kara some space, but it won't be long until she confronts her. Alex tried to remember when the last time Kara was genuinely herself bringing a frown to her face, it was before she had met Lena. Another Luthor causing pain to her sister, but, this one made Alex smirk. Oh she'll confront Kara tonight alright, it's sister night after all.
Contemplating red lamps to keep Kara from flying away, Alex got her whiskey and prepared the popcorn for when Kara arrived. Movement from the balcony alerted her that her sister made it. All it took was one look from Alex to cause Kara to stumble backwards. "Don't you dare fly away" Alex whispered as Kara nodded and dragged herself to the couch in defeat.
"I want to be brave, I want to tell her but I'll lose her. I'm her only friend here and she trusts me even after everything that has happened." Kara was distressed, Alex attentively joined her on the couch. Hugging Kara was always her go to relaxation technique but this time, she wanted Kara to let it all out, sensing she needs it. Kara continued "What if I tell her and she rejects me? is disgusted by me? or worse, decides to join Lex in retaliation?" Both Danvers sisters knew that last one was a stretch. Kara looked up at Alex with tears clouding her view but not enough to see the disappointment in Alex’s eyes.
She expected all emotions from Alex directed towards her, but disappointment was hard to swallow. Sensing Kara was withdrawing and panicking at the same time, Alex rushed to hug her whispering that she is proud of her for letting it out. Kara was suspicious, she too has had years studying Alex, and she came to know all her tells. "Then why do you look disappointed?". Alex smiled "I'd never be disappointed in you Kara". Alex continued: "You need to tell her, taking chances and having faith is what has gotten you here. Your parents took a chance sending you away from Krypton, having faith in Rao's plans and Kal El took a chance on my dad and our family to keep you safe. Take a chance on Lena, have faith in what you've built together." Alex held Kara's gaze barely blinking while she delivered what she had hoped was an encouraging speech. She was never good with words, weapons yes, words not so much.
For the first time in weeks, Kara's smile reached her eyes. She knew it took a lot from Alex to come up with this speech, but as it had been since day 1, she believed Alex. When Alex tells her it was going to be okay, she believed her. With a wink and gentle shove, Alex said "Go get the girl", both girls laughed at Alex using Kara's words back at her. Kara nodded and headed towards L-Corp where she knew Lena would still be there.
There she was working in her office; Kara did not believe it's possible, but she felt herself falling for Lena even more. Her dedication to her work was admirable and it intrigued Kara to no end. She softly landed on Lena's balcony as not to startle her. The only indication that Lena heard her was seeing her lean back in her chair and her shoulders relaxing. "Not that I'm unhappy to see you but I thought it was sisters' night" Lena smiled while getting up to greet the hero. "It was but Alex kind of kicked me out and told me to go". Lena was confused, she knew Alex would never purposely tell Kara to leave. "Oh, was Maggie coming over or something? Where were you supposed to go?" Lena wondered.
"Here" Kara replied.
Kara didn't need superpowers to hear Lena's breath hitch. It was those small occasional reactions from Lena that gave Kara a bit of hope, after all it's what she lived on and personified. Kara approached Lena, held her hand and guided her to the couch. Internally, she wondered about her growing inclination to couch confessions but shock her head when she looked at Lena. A rollercoaster of emotions ran across Lena's face, worry, wonder, curiosity but also hope. Damn those eyes will be the death of her, Kara theorized that they must be made from Kryptonite. Lena's slight cough brought back Kara to reality.
"We need to talk" Kara started.
In hindsight, it was the worst four words she could've started with. Lena's panic was instant, jumping off the couch she started pacing. Kara tried to hold her hand, but Lena was too fast for her. "No no, whatever bad thoughts you've got there, it's not true. Please let me explain" Kara rushed her words hoping to comfort the frantic woman next to her. Lena felt like drowning, she could hear Kara talking but not her words. She remembered once when she was a kid and she would dive deep into the pool to avoid listening to her mother berate her. She could still hear voices but would not recognize words. It was only when she felt herself in strong arms that she "came up for air". Kara's hands on her face, wiping the tears she didn't even know had fallen made her heart settle a bit but not enough.
"I'll be better, I'll do better. Please don't end our friendship." Lena cried barely noticing Kara shaking her head. Kara had this long speech planned, after all she had been practicing for months. But right now, seeing Lena like this she knew that three words could be enough.
"I love you" Kara finally said.
Later on she'd notice how heavy those words were and saying them out loud, letting the world have them instead of keeping them in her heart. Lena's features grew cold. Gone was the woman who was afraid and panicking. "You can't" she said so robotically, and had it not been for Kara’s ability to hear her heartbeats, she would have believed that Lena was indeed a cyborg.
"Why not? What's not to love?" Kara said as softly as she could not wanting to startle Lena. "I'm a Luthor, I may not show it often, but I have many bad parts in me. You've seen what I've done when you hid your true identity from me."
Kara smiled as she was expecting an "I don't love you", a "leave me alone" but this, this was fixable she had hoped. Kara went back to the couch, holding Lena's hand while nodding at her to make her sit. She waited until Lena looked up and said those three words again. Lena wanted to interrupt but Kara didn’t allow her to speak as she repeated "I love you”.
Kara waited until Lena’s eyes made her a promise that she’ll let her speak and then she continued “If you really think of it you would know that I've always loved you, the thing is though, I love you more than you know. The good parts of you Lena, those that you love about yourself, well I love them too, so much. The bad parts that you hate, well I love enough of them for the both of us”.
For the first time since Kara started talking, Lena smiled. Kara's head tilt told her that she was waiting for a reply, any reply. Driving from Kara's bravery she took a deep breath and closed the already short distance between them. Growing up, Lena was only allowed to read scientific journals and chess strategies and while stealthily reading poetry behind her mother’s back. Kissing Kara felt like poetry; that's it Lena thought, this is what poets have tried to portray, this is what sculptures had tried to create, this is what art is all about.
Although she didn't feel she needed to, not after the kiss they’ve shared but Lena said it anyway "and I love you, all of you , Kara Zor-El."