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His innocent face stood out in the crowd like a single blossom in a field of dry grass. He instantly drew you in with that boyish glow surrounding him. He was an observer, watching from the sidelines. While his friends had fun, he stood there next to them, keeping his distance and enjoying his own company.
But so did you. All your friends on a hunt for a military man for the night, leaving you on your own at the bar and with nothing else to do but let your eyes dance restlessly around the bar. Until they landed on him.
You’d sworn yourself to stay away from men in uniforms. Yet you let your mind wander aimlessly the second you saw him.
He didn’t see you, his gaze fixed on the pool table in front of him as he busied himself with some snacks, not looking around once. You told yourself it’d be better this way. Military men broke hearts wherever they went. However, he didn’t look like he would, at least that’s what your mind tried to convince you of.
The other guys had long noticed your dreamy staring, a blond looking back in your direction, then at him. Laughing, he nudged him, pointing right at you until…
… you locked eyes.
He nervously adjusted his glasses. They perfectly hugged his angelic face. And you pondered for a moment, but ultimately turned back around in your seat.
You’d sworn yourself to stay away from men in uniforms. Yet you hoped he would approach you.
He didn’t, but you thought that was okay. Thought such a cute guy like him probably had a girlfriend waiting for him at home anyways. A girl that was brave enough to take the risk of letting herself fall in love with a military guy. A girl that wasn’t such a coward like you.
You finished your drink, looking around the place to find all your friends busy with some uniform-wearing guys. That was your sign to leave.
You paid for your drink and walked outside, the cool night breeze hitting your face and clearing your mind for a second. Until a voice echoed from behind.
“Excuse me?”
You stopped.
“S-sorry, miss.”
Then turned around.
You’d sworn yourself to stay away from men in uniforms. Yet you found yourself standing right in front of one.
“You seem to have left this at the bar,” the guy in the glasses said, holding up your purse with a sheepish smile on his face.
A smile that lit up your whole world right then and there. A smile that filled your heart with a feeling you’d never experienced before. A smile that made you believe all the other smiles in the world could never compare.
“Oh my God,” you said in a relieved tone, walking up to him. “I didn’t even notice I left it there.”
You looked up into this innocent face of his, noticing how flushed his cheeks had gotten when you took your purse from his hands, your fingers lightly grazing his. “Thank you.”
A long moment of silence passed, both of you still holding onto the purse as your gazes remained fixed on each other. Before he said the words you hoped you’d never hear from a man dressed in a uniform.
“I- I’m Bob. By the way.” The blush on his cheeks traveled all the way up to the tips of his ears.
You’d sworn yourself to stay away from men in uniforms. Yet you introduced yourself to one.
“Y/N.”
And this is how your story began.
You didn’t think it was so difficult for you to resist him, but his mere presence lifted you up on cloud nine. A feeling so strong, you didn’t think it was actually real.
Soon, you found yourself moving in with him— if only unofficially at first —, staying in San Diego when you’d always had plans of moving somewhere else. But you knew at one point that it also could’ve been any other city in the entire world.
Lieutenant Robert Floyd had become your home. And so much more.
He was your everything. Your first thought when you woke up in the mornings, his side of the bed already empty, but always a small written note on his pillow.
Already missing you - B.
Do you know you’re my only thought when I’m up there? - B.
Can’t wait to see your beautiful face again - B.
And then, one day…
I love you - B.
He was also your last thought every single night before you fell into a deep, relaxed slumber in his arms, making it all the more difficult to get any sleep when he couldn’t be by your side.
Bob Floyd was as romantic as they could get. Flowers, candlelit dinners, movie nights with lots of ice cream or literally anything else you needed. Every day trying to be an even better boyfriend than the day before.
And when the day came that he had to leave for a month-long mission for the first time, you suddenly remembered it again.
You’d sworn yourself to stay away from men in uniforms. Yet you tried to stay strong, holding onto the thought of him returning home in one piece and entirely unscathed, always sending him away with the tightest and longest hug.
But never a kiss. Bob had always said he’d kiss you a million times more when he’d be back.
And he did every single time.
Each time he came back he made the sweetest love to you. He always put you first. You started to wonder if he was even real, or if he was just some angelic creature sent from the heavens above by whatever deity out there.
It left you terrified that one day, he might stay up there.
“I love you so much, Y/N.” Those were his first words whenever he came back home to you. He held you in a tight embrace for minutes, hooked your legs around his waist as he carried you to your bedroom.
Oh, he made you feel so loved.
“Don’t ever leave me, Bobby,” you told him, a hand on his cheek as your thumb gently caressed his cheekbone.
“I won’t, babe.”
And then he hesitated for a short moment. Until…
“Marry me, Y/N. I don’t wanna spend a single day without you for the rest of my life.”
Happy tears shot to your eyes as you pressed your lips against his, knowing you’d never get enough of him for the rest of your life, and would never find that true happiness in any other man.
“Me neither, baby.”
You’d sworn yourself to stay away from men in uniforms. Yet you got married to one.
And only two months later, you woke up one day with Bob still lying next to you.
He looked so absolutely flawless, his lips slightly pouted and open, sleeping away into the late morning. So peacefully, you were afraid of disturbing your husband in any way, but you couldn’t help but place a hand on the side of his face, gently pushing a loose strand of his shiny, blond hair back before you continued admiring his youthful beauty.
“If I had it my way, I’d never even let you leave the house,” you whispered to yourself.
“I’m sorry that you have to.” He slowly opened his eyes. “But I promise I’ll always come back to you, my love.”
His hand held onto yours as he pulled it down his cheek to his mouth, peppering it with tender kisses. “Come closer, I can’t see your beautiful face.”
He pulled you on top of him, one hand running up and down your back while the other caressed your cheek, and continuously pulled you in for more of his tender, loving, but also deeply passionate kisses.
You only had a few more hours together before Bob had to leave for a two-day mission. You wished the goodbye would be easier this time, but it hurt just as much as all the others, no matter how short this mission was going to be.
You stayed in his embrace for a long while, listening to his steady heartbeat with your ear pressed against his chest. The cold metal of his name tag reminded you that he had duties, and that you needed to let him go eventually.
But it had always been his job to end the hug, you’d never been strong enough.
“No,” you protested. “Just a little longer.”
“Babe, I’m gonna be late,” he reasoned with you, looking down into your eyes with the most loving look on his face. “I promise you’ll get even more kisses when I’m back.”
You’d sworn yourself to stay away from men in uniforms. Yet you didn’t.
The call came on the second day of his mission, only hours before he was supposed to return home. And your world fell apart.
You rushed to the hospital, his team already waiting for you.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Phoenix rushed up to you as soon as she saw you. “I- I- I tried, I really did. It was an accident.”
You didn’t react to her words. You couldn’t.
“Where is he?” Tears threatened to spill from your eyes. You hated crying in front of other people. Bob was the only exception.
“Where is he??” You nearly shouted at the other pilots.
“Mrs. Floyd?” A nurse came up to you. “Would you please come with me?”
You nodded, following her into his room.
There he was. Countless tubes attached to his body, a bandage around his head, and several cuts and bruises all over his body. Yet he looked so peaceful. Almost like just two days ago, in your bed, sleeping like a baby.
Only this time, he looked a little more broken. Just like his glasses sitting on the nightstand next to him.
“Your husband has suffered severe head trauma in an accident,” the nurse explained in a low, almost comforting voice. “The doctors had to put him in a medically induced coma after the surgery… His brain is showing barely any activity.”
You just stared at him, unable to show any reaction, let alone say something. It felt like the rug was pulled out from under your feet, yet you actually didn’t feel anything.
That was the worst part about it. You felt empty, and not even sure if you were still alive.
“The doctors are hoping his brain will recover.”
“And if not?”
She hesitated for a while.
“If not, he will not be viable. I am so sorry, Mrs. Floyd. The doctors did everything in their power. But now is the time to stay positive, and hope he will recover.”
She paused, watching you cry in silence.
“Your husband is a strong and healthy young man. I am sure he’s fighting hard to get back to his wife… Sometimes it helps to talk. There’s a good chance he can hear you. I’m gonna give you some time now. If you need anything, or if anything happens, don’t hesitate to push this button.”
You nodded before she left, then sat down next to him. You could barely even see him, your vision too blurry from the constant stream of tears.
For days, you wouldn’t leave his side. For days, you didn’t sleep, too afraid you’d miss the moment he might wake up. For days, you wouldn’t stop talking to him, recounting every single memory with him, telling him about all those things you had never told him before.
For days, you cursed yourself for not staying away from this man in a uniform. You should’ve known better.
“You still owe me a million kisses, baby,” you whispered in his ear, your lips trembling as you placed a weak kiss to his cheek.
“Mrs. Floyd?” The calm, compassionate voice of Bob’s doctor interrupted the constant beeping of all the machines he was connected to.
You turned around in your chair, your hand still holding onto his as your thumb played with his wedding band.
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Floyd. I wish I was able to bring other news,” the doctor said, a sad look on her face as she carefully approached you. “But unfortunately, the coma hasn’t helped. We can’t detect any more brain activity… I’m sorry, Mrs. Floyd, but we can’t do anything for him anymore.”
You felt a tear right down the middle of your heart once the words had left her mouth.
All those days, you felt nothing, but now it hit you all at once. It was an excruciating pain, hurting deep inside you, worse than anything you could’ve ever imagined. You wanted to scream, but your lungs were on the brink of collapsing, making it nearly impossible for you to breath.
“But… But his heart is still beating,” you said, voice trembling, as you looked at the steady line of his heartbeat on the monitor.
“If his brain is not functioning, we have to clinically declare him as dead. Brain death is final, Mrs. Floyd. I am terribly sorry, but your husband has no chance of ever regaining consciousness again.”
She waited for a couple of moments, placing a hand on your shoulder as you sat there in silence, wanting nothing but to wake up from this terrible nightmare.
“We will give you all the time that you need, Mrs. Floyd. And when you’re ready to let go, we will have to shut off his life support…” She explained calmly. “Would you like me to inform his team for you?”
“No,” you said immediately. “No, I’ll do it myself.”
And so you walked out of his room for the first time in days. But you just couldn’t say it. And you didn’t have to. Everyone could figure it out by the look on your face.
Phoenix was the first one to hug you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I- I-“
“It wasn’t your fault, Nat. You know he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.” Your voice was empty and weak, not even a single vibration in it, but you knew Natasha needed to hear those words from you.
Little by little, everyone else held you in a long, tight embrace. No one able to say a word.
It took you hours to say goodbye, and only because of his team’s strength were you able to sign the papers eventually.
Hangman had a strong arm wrapped around your shoulder when a nurse and his doctor came in.
“He is a donor, isn’t he?” The nurse asked you.
You nodded, wiping away the tears. In vain. They kept coming.
“If you are okay with that, I would also need you to sign here,” she explained, handing you the necessary papers on a clipboard.
You signed all of them, your hand so shaky it didn’t even look like your actual signature. It was only then that you noticed you’d never actually needed to use your new signature since the wedding.
You felt like his name was the only thing left of him now, continuing to live through you. You wished it hadn’t come to this. You probably would trade a million lives for his.
“I don’t wanna let you go,” you cried out, holding onto his hand as the machines were turned off one by one.
You could feel his body temperature change from warm to cold, watch his chest stop rising when it fell one last time, see all his life escaping his body.
“Time of death, 5.36 PM.”
You stayed with his lifeless body for hours, weeping in silence when his team gave you one last moment with your husband. You thought you could still smell his unmistakable scent as you kissed his lips one last time, before you removed his dog tags and wedding band and took his broken glasses from the nightstand with you when you eventually left the room.
You added the ring to the chain, hanging it around your neck. You’d never taken it off once ever since.
You’d sworn yourself to stay away from men in uniforms. Yet you didn’t.
“I should’ve hugged you tighter and longer that day,” you spoke softly when your fingers touched the insignia on his coffin, four jets in missing man formation flying by.
Tears had been falling down your face for days. And you knew they would never stop.
You’d always wondered if glasses would look good on you.
They did.